This is a long post and just a lot of complaining. I just needed to get it all of my chest. Please feel free to skip it.
So I've been feeling blue. I am not often like this and I haven't been able to really shake it, so it really bugs. Things have just sucked lately. In fact, I'm calling 2009 the Year of the Suck. At the same time, I'm really trying to be thankful for these trials and find the blessing in them all.
So it kind of goes back to about the time Alexis was born. As great of a blessing as she was, it was a rough time just trying to get her here healthy, fully cooked, and all. The last few weeks were iffy and very scary. Anyway, so with Alexis, also came my c-section, which I really, truly hate. I have been in constant pain since. No, that is not normal. From the get-go, I had some issues with the tissue healing. I had to keep going back into the Dr. because it just wasn't healing right. I wore maternity clothes forever because they just felt better on my incision. I wish I still could, but won't bring myself to do it since she's 9 months old now. Anyway, I still have a bunch of scar tissue and have been told that I could get surgery to break that down, but then again, I'd have to have surgery again and there would be no guarantees that I wouldn't get more scar tissue. So, I'm thinking that's a big no and I will just have to deal with the pain. But, the good thing is, I have a healthy, beautiful baby. She has truly been the bestest thing and really helped me to not be more blue with her quick, happy smiles and sweet little spirit.
The day that Alexis was born Skylar noticed that the ceiling downstairs was leaking. So come to find out, our toilet in the kid's bathroom had a slow leak (hence insurance didn't cover it!). Ben turned it off and then realized the linoleum under was a mess. So he ripped that up and discovered that we had black mold all over. We immediately called in the experts to come rip it all out, including the wall to the bathroom where our swamp cooler had actually been leaking and had formed mold as well. We didn't want to mess with that, especially with a new baby. Anyway, we couldn't afford for them to fix it all back up so we have slowly been piecing it back together. Ben's been a trooper and although he hasn't had much time, has been working hard to get it done. It has been driving me nuts to share our master bathroom with the kids. But, the good thing is, we have three bathrooms and two that work. My sister has had her family of six sharing a bathroom for most of her marriage, until they added another one a few years back.
In January, we had our issues with sweet little Nick. After a lot of tears and tests, the doctors concluded that they could not figure out what was wrong with him. I honestly feel that he has issues with sleeping but with the help of some "sleepy vitamins" we've been really trying to watch that he's getting adequate rest. We've eventually gotten back to not worrying about him every single second but I still do often. The good thing is, I've learned to hug all of my children a little bit tighter and more often.
In March, I found out that I have a neuroma in my foot. It's kind of like a tumor, but it's not a tumor-I always think of Kindergarten Cop when I explain it. It's a nerve that is swollen and very painful. It affects mostly women that wear high heals, which I don't even own a pair, so I think that kind of sucks in itself. It had been hurting me for months, especially when I tried to work out or had been on it for awhile. I was able to get a cortizone shot in it shortly before we went to Disneyland or I honestly think I would have not been able to walk after the first day. Although there are the shots, some treatments, and the option of surgery, I will pretty much just have to learn to deal with it. The good thing is, at least I have a foot to walk on, eh?
In April, we headed off to Disneyland. That was an awesome trip and we had the best time. So far, it has definitely been the hightlight of the year. However, the day before we left we were hit with a giant snow storm that pretty much destroyed our yard. We had branches and trees broken. The clean-up after we got home was huge! Ben did a lot of it but we did have to hire some tree experts to help out. To make matters worse, Ben got laid off two days after we got home. He has since found a job so in these economic times, that is great! So the good thing is, he had some time off to clean up our yard, and he has a job!!
In May, I messed up my right index finger somehow. I was in so much pain! I honestly thought I had broken it and finally went to the Dr. He thought it was broken on the middle knuckle, but after x-rays, determined it was just a really bad sprain. It has really been very inconvenient, considering it is the finger I use more than any other. The good thing is, it's finally getting better and only hurts when I carry anything too heavy with it.
So in all of this, one day I decided that we were actually pretty blessed. Although I've had an extremely painful year, I was relatively healthy and so was my family. No one in our family was dying or had any life-threatening diseases. The next day, my parents called to tell me that my dad has prostate cancer. My poor parents have had a pretty rough year themselves, and this is just another blow. It stinks! I love my dad so much and it's just hard to deal with my parents getting older and all that entails. We're still waiting to find out exactly what treatments he's going to have to go through but none of them sound too fun. The good thing is, it's still in the early stages so they can hopefully catch it before it spreads.
Then last week, we had the whole mess with our crawlspace flooding on our anniversary, no less. It has been a giant pain dealing with the clean-up, workers constantly in and out of our house, and the insurance company. We've had to just declare some of our old treasures as total losses and that really stinks! Poor Ben got the brunt of his stuff ruined so he's had it much worse. I'm still trying to figure out the good thing, but I guess it would be that we've been able to organize some of our stuff into plastic boxes that will hopefully help if we ever have this happen again!
With Ben out of a job and all the junk happening at our house, our finances are starting to look hazy. We are so grateful that he wasn't out of work too long and that he was able to find a job doing what he likes to do. It is in Sandy, so he does have a commute, but we're just happy that he is working!! But needless to say, I've been stressed. When I'm stressed, I also get hit with major migraines and eczema flair ups. My head has been constantly pounding for a few weeks now and I honestly look like I have leprosy on my hands. The good thing is I have Advil and I dont' have leprosy.
So writing that down was like a little bit of therapy. I really hate to complain at all but it's been so hard not to lately! I have so many good things in my life that I am thankful for. I have it so much better than so many around the world and even more around me. The people in our ward have gone through so many trials and my problems seem so small when I compare them to others'. I'm so thankful that I have a wonderful husband who still loves me even when my body is falling apart and I'm a bum to be around. I'm so thankful for happy, healthy children that bring smiles to my face when I'm having a hard time. I'm so thankful for the gospel and that it gives me a bigger view of what it's all about. I know this is all but a moment and I will be only be given what I can handle.
President Gordon B. Hinckley is by far one of my favorite optimists. He just makes it seem so easy. I ran across this the other day and I love it:
"Life is just like an old time rail journey ... delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."
I am trying my best to be thankful for the ride!! At least it hasn't been boring!
y-ha ha! 
