Greatful for the feelings of peace! And prayers needed!

Hearing the words, 'You have cancer', are not words I ever want to hear again. And I'm not saying that I think I will, but subconsciously it's always on the back of my mind.

This past June when I went in for a routine check up with my oncologist he told me about this great new drug study that I would be a great candidate for. It is for a Her2 protein blocking chemo pill called Neratnib. The one big draw back on this pill is one of the side effects, severe diarrhea. There are other side effects but the most common (in 85% of women) was the diarrhea. This drug is not FDA approved...YET, but they are hoping that it will be soon. They are trying to find a good symptom management for the diarrhea, and that's what the drug study is all about. My oncologist spent a good 30 minutes explaining this drug study to me and all of the benefits. At that point I was NOT interested in participating because, let's be honest, who wants severe diarrhea? I was told that I didn't need to make a decision yet and that I could decide as late as February 2016 to start. The only requirements were that I had to begin the drug study within a year of ending Herceptin, and I once I signed that paper work saying I wanted to participate I would need to begin taking the pills within a month of signing.

I didn't give too much thought as to if I was going to participate in this study until the beginning of October. It was then that I felt a spiritual prompting that I needed to participate in this. Dave and I went and met with the doctor to so that he could explain, AGAIN, all the information and details. I left that appointment with a huge packet to study, sign and return. Due to some family things happening (a birth and a death) I didn't get signed up for a couple of weeks. And once I was signed up I still needed to do some further testing: an ultrasound of my heart, x-rays of my lungs, and blood work. With that completed I made my appointment to begin the drug study. That day was last Monday (Nov 2nd). The first day of I felt fine, the 2nd day I felt ok, but only until about dinner time, that's when the nausea hit so hard I couldn't hardly stand it. It was the kind of nausea I remembered from my hard days of chemo. Hard Stuff!! I tried to be tough and deal with it, but by 10:30pm I was making a call to the on-call doc to see what they could do to help me find relief. Wednesday morning I continued to feel extremely nauseated and they decided at that point to pull me off the study to get my nausea under control. It wasn't until Friday that I started feeling like my normal self; that's when I got the call asking me to resume the drug study. I had a very serious conversation with them about my expectations on how I wanted to move forward. Ultimately I didn't get my way, and tonight I finally feel ok with that. I was asked to begin my pills again on Monday morning with breakfast. That's tomorrow...

This weekend having time to think about participating again I have been very nervous and full of anxiety! I hate being nauseated!! I went to church today hoping to hear something that would help me feel confidant in my ability to handle this upcoming week and my prayers were answered right away! The person who gave the opening prayer prayed for those who needed strength to get through their week. In that very moment I knew I would be ok. Perfectly normal feeling and not nauseated? Maybe not, but it would all be ok. This experience humbles me even more to see that my Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my fears and anxieties.

So, now I'm asking, would you please pray for me this week? Pray that my body can adjust to these pills and that I will feel strong enough to endure the adjustment period. You would think that after surviving hard chemo that I would recognize my strength and ability to do hard things, but alas I find myself feeling very weak and unsure. I remember how strengthened I felt when so many prayers were being offered on my behalf and it is my hope and prayer that your love and prayers will carry me, maybe literally, while we give this drug study another go.

Thanks! And, I love you all!

CK Scarves is on the News!!

Today started like any day: wake up, get ready for the day, put makeup on, load the dishwasher, straighten up my bedroom and rush out the door to go to an appointment with my Grandparents. It's while I was hurrying to get to my grandparents appointment that my day became interesting. My cell phone rang while I was driving, but I don't answer calls while driving so when I got where I was going I checked my voicemail. I had missed a call from a neighbor (whom will be anonymous for now...) who was calling to talk to me about my chemo scarf project. I figured she probably knew someone going through cancer and wanted me to mail them a scarf. No problem. I called her back and she said she had been talking to a friend about my project and they told a friend who works at Channel 2 News. This Channel 2 News guy liked my project and asked my friend if she thought I'd let him interview me for the news. She relayed all that to me and said if I was interested they actually would be in my area and wanted to do the interview at 1:30pm TODAY! I explained that I was at a doctor appointment and didn't think I could be home in time, so she called Channel 2 to see if they could do my interview next week. It turns out they really wanted to get my interview done today, so they rearranged their schedules so they could come at 3pm.

This whole time the thoughts running through my head went something like this: 
'Oh my goodness! I am so excited to share this scarf project!' 
'If sharing my project will help find people who need one of my scarves then this is totally worth it!' 'Man I should have worn a better outfit'
 'I wonder how my hair looks?'
'Boy am I glad I changed my fingernail polish!'
'Will I have time to straighten up my house before I have an interview for TV?

These are all normal thoughts, right?

After my grandparents appointment and a nice lunch I picked up my boys from their grandma's house and rushed home to get my house 'TV' ready. Channel 2 stopped by right at 3pm. There were 3 men; 2 of them were in just ordinary t-shirts and shorts and the 3rd guy was dressed up real nice and business like. I figured the man dressed nice was the one who would be doing the interview. I was wrong. He just hung off in the corner and listened to my interview. The short version of this story is that my interview is really going to be shared as one of the Pay it Forward segments on Channel 2 News! I had no idea! Even up to the point where the nicely dressed guy opened up the envelope with $500 cash! I had been so caught up in my excitement to share what I was doing through the interview that it didn't even register that it could be that.

My story is going to be aired on August 26th on Channels 2's 10pm news! So, I propose we have a news watching party! Who would like to come to my house and watch the news with me that night? Never mind that its a school night...
Give me a holler if you think you'd like to come!

Logo design and shipping! Oh MY!

It's been a while since I've worked on my scarf project. However, this week I've started feeling an urgency to get some details ironed out so this project can get off the ground! Details like finding a graphic designer to design my 'ck scarf' logo and going to the post office to figure out how much it's going to cost to mail chemo scarves to ALL 50 states and Canada and Australia. My husband has a co-worker friend who said she would design my logo for me. She'll come up with 5 different designs and I can use them however I want. The cost? $100. I need to give her some ideas of how I imagine my logo looking, so that's the part I'm working on. Once the logo is done I will get in touch with a label company and get my labels ordered. Still haven't picked a company to do that, but I wonder if it'll be easier for me to choose a company once I know what the design looks like. There are SO many choices for labels! Iron on ones, tag labels you sew on, and tons more options.

Today I had the rare opportunity of being alone. My kids are off in various places. It was kinda nice! I used this time to go to the Post Office and figure out shipping. The post office can be so busy with lots of people waiting in line so I was pleasantly surprised that the post office was not crowded. I was glad to not feel rushed to ask my questions and move on so the next guy in line could have his turn. The post master took his time explaining my options. The best option is to mail my chemo scarves in one of these padded flat rate envelopes. I will pay the SAME price to mail them to every state in the USA! The envelopes come with tracking, insurance up to $50, and a 3-4 day delivery time. To ship 10 chemo scarves in one of these envelopes it will cost me $6.10. To get these envelopes you have to go online and order them (for FREE) from the Postal store. I've already ordered some. They come in a package of 10, so I ordered 6. Sixty envelopes will be enough to mail to all 50 states and Canada and Australia. So, as I just mentioned, I am mailing chemo scarves to Canada AND Australia. Why not? Shipping to Canada in one of these envelopes will cost $21.95. If mailed in one of my own manilla envelopes it'll only cost $10.30. Shipping takes 2-3 weeks to get to Canada, and the tracking may not work. Shipping to Australia in their envelope is $26.50, and using my own envelope $16.00. Shipping to Australia is also 2-3 weeks and if it gets lost on its way there? Too bad, so sad for me. There is no guarantee when shipping to Australia.
The grand total for shipping to Canada, Australia and all 50 states is going to be close to $353.45. Making 520 scarves will take time, so I won't have to incur this big payment all at once, but slowly over time.


There is still one item of business that I am still trying to get scheduled and that is to have one of Dave's video taking friends help me make a YouTube video of how to tie my scarf on a bald persons head. Quite a few of my breast cancer support group ladies that I have given scarves to have asked me how to wear it. Adding a YouTube channel link with my chemo scarf will help many people know how to wear it. I am going to ask one of my friends in my support group who is currently bald to be my model. Who said cancer can't make you famous?!

Doing all this research and finding a designer make me realize that this dream is becoming a reality and one day it will come true! And that makes me think of all the lives this project will bless!

Reconstruction, Take 2!

My appointment was at 8am. The traffic was light on the roads so were able to be a few extra minutes early. I didn't have to wait very long to be taken back and prepped for surgery. The nurse were so good at getting my IV started.

This is Dr. Jensen! He is one cool guy! And he's super good at what he does! I brought about 20 drain bags for him to give to other breast cancer surgery patients. He was impressed. He wanted to know how much they cost, and I loved telling him they were free. I went on to explain about my chemo scarf project and that the left over fabric was used to make the drain bags. At this point he sat down on a chair and wanted to know more about my project. He wants to be involved in what I'm doing. In one of the upcoming months he wants to spotlight me on his website/FB page. I'm supposed to call and talk to his nurse advocate and discuss how their office can help me with getting the fabric/ supplies I need. This was really exciting for me! I love watching how this whole project keeps coming together!

My good friend Libbie stopped by the surgical center to chat with my husband, dad and myself. It was fun having her there. It wasn't that long ago that she had her final surgery. She stayed out in the waiting area with my Dad and husband while I was in surgery. She was by my side when I woke up from surgery. Libbie is pretty amazing. I'm so glad she could be one of my cheerleaders yesterday!

 And then there's my husband. What an amazing man he is! He was always at my side supporting me and loving me. I love that our relationship has grown stronger during this whole experience. I am also blessed with a Dad who is kind and compassionate. He has been a great strength to me as well.

So far this surgery has been easier than the first one. Yesterday I slept for most of the day and didn't have much pain. This morning I felt really lousy, and was quite loopy from my pain meds. My vision has been blury, but that's because of the squalamine patch behind my ear. My liposuction spots on my tummy hurt the most. My breast are tender and sore because he had to do some cosmetic fixing, but mostly my breast are completely numb. In just a few short weeks I will not be so sore and will start to feel more normal. And as soon as I'm feeling good I'm going to hit my chemo scarf sewing!

I am still looking for contacts in other states who will allow me to mail them chemo scarves. If you live outside of Utah and want to be the contact person from your State let me know.

To each one of you, THANK YOU for all the love, service and prayers on my behalf!

I love you all!

Twas the Night Before Surgery...

The laundry is all folded and put away. The floors are swept and mopped. The living room is nicely vacuumed. The bathrooms are clean!
Tomorrow is Go Time!! Hopefully this time for reals!

I need to be at the Surgical Center at 8am. Surgery will begin sometime around 9am. I imagine I'll be home in the afternoon. Melissa will send out an email with an update when surgery is over.

Wish me luck!

The Finish Line is in Sight!!

I've never run a marathon, but I've heard runners say the last part is the hardest! This past year has felt like a marathon! And then having  new bumps in the road right at surgery time?! UGH! The bumps in the road leave me feeling weak, emotionally and psychologically! I'm done! So close to the finish line! So close!! What's the best part about the finish line? Besides being done? It's all the people gathered to cheer you on! That's the part I'm really trying to stay focused on. I'm trying to stay focused on your encouragement to help me across that finish line! I have the BEST support group a cancer person could have! Thank you for you kind words, your expressions of love and most importantly your service! Saying thank you doesn't feel like enough, but hopefully you'll feel the depth of my love in my words!

The finish line is in sight! Real close sight! I got a call today that they could get me in this coming WEDNESDAY, JUNE 10th!! I'm super glad to not have to wait till the end of the month! Even though I was prepared before I feel like I still need to mentally prepare, again. Ugh! and Hurray!

Melissa and I will organize the list of needs tomorrow and send out an email. Plan on the list being similar to what was put out there last time.

I'm exhausted! I'm worn out! Let's get this marathon over with!

Love you all!

Green means GO!

Got the much anticipated phone call from my cardiologist this afternoon. My heart monitor reading showed that my heart was throwing off PVC's while I slept, between the hours of 2-8am. This PVC's they considered to be harmless and therefore gave me the green light to re-schedule my reconstruction. The results from my echocardiogram show that my chambers are normal, the size of my ventricles are normal, the contracture of my heart is normal. There was nothing abnormal! They will fax over the findings to the plastic surgeon.

On Monday my plastic surgeon put me down in pencil for surgery on June 29th, that way I wouldn't have to wait 6-8 weeks to get in, which is how far out he was scheduling. I called this afternoon to have them put that appointment in INK! The lady who needs to do that scheduling was on another line so she'll be calling me to confirm that my appointment is solid.

So, if all goes as planned (and we know how well MY plans turn out) I'll be having surgery 2 days after my 39th birthday! Happy Birthday to me!!