From late night television

... this is the best regimen for a world leader to keep fit!

The old days of flabby Russian leaders is gone with this regimen adapted from the Fitness Made Soviet... Simple! Fitness Made Simple For Wold Leaders by myself, Vladimir Putin. And those in the West should enjoy the low cost, outdoors approach.


While Russia has much greater diversity of climate, I have specifically designed this training program so that even those with modest means can achieve greatness.


What better ways are there to build up stamina and endurance than hiking by mountain streams? And, as an extra incentive, one does not bring any food with them!


One exists off the natural bounty for their meals, as an all natural diet, far from polluted rivers of industrialized areas make for the healthiest living. And I know that Americans adore fishing, so what better way to get fit than to combine fitness with pleasure?


Before this women would not even think of coming to me for anything other than my power in government... but now...


*click*

*YAWN*

As Seen On Al-Manar TV...

Greetings, friends... you know how it is driving to the market and suddenly one of friends lights off a rocket and it goes astray...


And because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time, they were called to martyrdom early...


But today there is a solution from Allah Insurance Company...


So simple even a Jihadi can do it!



*click*

*Uh-oh... re-runs...*

... to preface to say to All Americans on this anniversary when 19 of the Mujahideen were able to - by the grace of Allah - change the path of the compass they did not change the path of your media...


...and I have come to know why your failing democratic system and culture will not change! You do not take to the ways of the Prophet and respect those who, even in your primitive past, recognized that wisdom comes from those with a gray beard!


...after much study of your dedacent culture I, and only I, knew that to take the Mujahideen seriously they must be led by one who has no gray in his beard! You will see that I recognize that even from such an idolotorous culture as yours, it is possible to meet you half-way, as I am doing now.


Thus with this mighty view granted by Allah to me I have changed my ways so as to be taken seriously and so that the attacks of the Mujahideen can be seen for the brave effort that they ARE!


Now the mullahs and clerics can look up to me in awe for having cut years off my beard without having to cut the beard itself! Yes, Grecian Formula for Mujahideen...

*click*

On tonight's episode of Jedi Squirrels...

*zzzzzz*

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The best agents in the world

Today we have the sad news that 14 US Operatives have been captured in Iran. From Kamangir we hear of the bad news:

According to IRNA, the official Islamic Republic news agency, the national Police chief has implicitly verified the news about the confiscation of a number of squirrels, equipped with eavesdropping devices, on the Iranian borders. He has declined to give any more details, but, reportedly, when asked about the confiscation of 14 spy squirrels, he stated, “I have heard about it, but I do not have precise information”. IRNA adds, “These squirrels were equipped by foreign intelligence services, but were captured two weeks ago by the Police”.

Yes, the time has come to tell of the Secret Squirrel Project!

It was started nearly 40 years ago and was first leaked to the press by accident, and from that we had worries that our best kept secret of the Cold War would escape.

Fortunately no one took the idea seriously and those early agents went on to have some notariety, but their true identities always remained a secret.

With the end of the Cold War, however, these fine agents found themselves without much to do and the test facility, itself, was shut down. With the coming of a new conflict, however, these two would pop up again.

While the Nation had not paid much attention to other enemies, these two agents kept true to their calling and never relented in their pursuit of protecting America. Their contacts, however, ensured that they learned the basics of the new enemy, and even as they were no longer as antagonistic, they still worked 'on the other side'.

And even as they bid fond farewell to the old ways, they knew that the new needed new recruits... new tactics. Thus an old friend, also in the same line of work, would come to help them.
Thus, after the Nation's tragedy the new corps was needed and the recruitment drive begun.

They would come from various parts of the Nation, each with their own skills and abilities. Some were obviously suited to undercover work and espionage.

Some were obviously unafraid of dry environments and working in them.

Others better suited towards communications and observation.

A few would have some rudiments of disguises and had put them to poor use to survive in a cold, cruel world.

Still others would show their ability to sneak through hostile territory.

While others would have the necessary background to not be afraid of some dirty work.

This motley group would soon coalesce under the good leadership of their mentors.

Learning the rudiments of skills necessary for this sort of work.

The hard work and training would begin in many fields, especially ones that would allow for good 'covers' to be made in the ACORN GROUP of photojournalists.
Then the hard training would begin.

Specialized equipment was procured, and agents made sure they knew its uses.

The new design specifications for weapons showed how easily adaptable these fine recruits were to many roles.

After long months of training their first combat missions would come to the fore, and they would be sent off to fight, spy and do all the hard work that humans could not do.


Yes, their battles would be almost unknown to the rest of us, fighting in secret wars in far off lands.



But they would adapt to the climates, conditions and enemies seen, buying time for the Next Generation to be trained.
They were helped by a denizen truly not of their species or of this Earth, but dedicated to Tooth, Justice and the American Way.
And someday, their full story can be told... but only after Justice is won.

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Number... that number...

You are about to enter a dimension hostile to reason....

It is a small place, geographically, but unlimited in conception...

It is a middle ground between State and State, War and Stupidity...

And it lies between the pit of man's hubris and the summit of his ignorance...

This is a dimension of acting, staging and creation...

It is an area we call...




Something has been knocking around my mind... it has to deal with that recent security council resolution... You know the one by these folks?





Its this UNSCR 1701.... that sounds soooooo familiar....




Then I placed it! Yes, sweetness in light in the Galaxy!

But with the way things are going... well... it isn't so sweet out there in the Hezbollah Zone, is it?



Gets one worried about what would happen if it failed in an awful way.




You could end up with an Imperial UN...



No, not good at all....

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Amazing Car Insurance

My thanks to Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs for the inspiration for this bit of work and for Michael Totten's original photo for the lovely contrast within that article.

Due apologies to the various photoholders and such, and the Sanrio Company. It is all their fault, anyways, for unleashing cute, cuddly EVIL into the world...


You are about to enter a dimension hostile to reason....

It is a small place, geographically, but unlimited in conception...

It is a middle ground between State and State, War and Stupidity...

And it lies between the pit of man's hubris and the summit of his ignorance...

This is a dimension of acting, staging and creation...

It is an area we call...




As Seen On Al-Manar TV...



Greetings, friends... you know how it is driving to the market and suddenly one of friends lights off a rocket and it goes astray...



And because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time, they were called to martyrdom early...



It is worrying, this death out of the blue thing from jets or even mortars, artillery and ships at sea...



Yet another brought to an untimely end...



And what is even worse, is that their car is beyond any hope of salvation...



But today there is a solution from Allah Insurance Company...



An infidel bullet or bomb may kill you, but your car can be salvaged for the family.



And note the special windshield coverage that only Allah can offer!



Also available is the pre-Divinity Jihadi Waiver...




For those of you who just can't wait for martyrdom for themselves and the ultimate gift to Allah!



Their CAR!

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