To the guy sitting in the next cubicle at work,

Please stop printing out the words of wisdom, quotes, words of encouragement, etc. and giving them to me. My desk is getting cluttered, and I refuse to hang up those retarded sayings and stories. The little poems and ditties you thrust upon me usually suck, are repetitive, and are things that everyone should have instilled in their being without reading them.

That binder you keep that includes inspirational stories and whatnot is fine if you want to reference it every once in while… but everyday? Don’t you think that is a bit excessive? I mean, if you have to remind yourself everyday that “YOU ARE SPECIAL” or “YOU ARE NOT THE MONEY YOU MAKE” or “THINK POSITIVE TODAY,” then maybe you should just throw in the towel, and give into pessimistic viewpoints.

I wouldn’t even say anything, as I am not one to judge, but the fact that you print out a copy for me nearly everyday and put it on my desk, and say, “Look how enlightening this one is,” leads me to my final plea. YOU ARE WASTING PAPER. I come in to work everyday with a smile on my face, and I don’t have to look into any binder to put it there, or at some ranting about having ‘good habits’.

I feel sad for you, fellow worker-bee.


P.S. And for the UMPTEENTH time, I do not want to purchase Pre-Paid Legal Services, NOR do I want to attend a seminar on how to manage my money.

Sincerely,

GirlWithTheTanSkinSmiling

Stacie

Um, is it just me, or is there a striking resemblance between me and the chick who just got fire on The Apprentice, Stacie J?

http://www.jillann.com Give Jill some love, she was one of the nicest celebs (or semi-celebs) I've met in a while

I'm not sure you all know about my unhealthy obsession with Woody... Soon-Yi look out.

New York,
My part time lover in this one night-standing… room only

Abdomen of coolness
Thorn in my side
I’ll miss you.

New York,
Girl with the tan skin, smiling.
Several times over… cast

New York… invisible girl returns
She’s gawking
She’s walking
Non Penetrate able
She misses.

Ode to the one I love
And loathe
I’m listless.
You left me here alone.

Do me a favor; blow out my candles, New York.

Lights out
Towers down
Transit strikes
Protest rights
I was there to hold your hand, New York.

I must bid adieu…

Curtain subsides, my final number.

Monoglyceride of my soul
Nadir of my being
Tempestuous storm cloud of my laugh

The city of ardor, the city that abhors… I’m your homeless veteran.
Reconcile me.

Just like my old keyboard… ENTER = RETURN

Maybe next year.
Farewell, or shall I say. Fair…well?
New York, spit on my face, so that I won’t miss you so.

Here's a post from an old friend... read her blog, I dig it:
http://brynasoutlet.blogspot.com/

Saturday, June 26, 2004
I recently switched jobs, so it's been a while since I wrote last. (plus I didn't have anything to complain about!)PROTESTERS!Please wake up and smell the coffee... Protests are definitely the lamest way to get your point across. Protesters have some novel ways to do these things... none of which are effective.

One- The Anytown USA, stand on street corners and hold banners. Wow. This is the best you can come up with? The only people that are going to see it are the everyday people who have seen you protest every week. Wait, let me rephrase that. Every-good-weather-week protest. Wait, let me rephrase that. Every-good-weather-only-on-the-weekends protest.

Two- The New York City protests. Hundreds of people banning together to protest every political whatever that is going on. This is great! One of my favorites. Ban together to make New Yorkers angrier because now they have designated streets they can't drive on because of your precious protest! More traffic created because of a protest. Point well taken!

Three- The Washington, D.C. Protest. Hundreds of Thousands of people banning together to get your point across. This may be the only one that makes it onto the news so, one small step for man... one large leap for the banner that has an x through George Bush's face with a whitty line above it...

All in all, what I am saying here is "What good does it do?" The head of the military never said, "Turn around the troops guys. There's hundreds of people causing traffic in NYC by laying on the street!" or "You're right... let's solve this anti/for abortion situation right now. The one millionth protest just happened in Anytown, USA!" So, don't waste your time. Come up with something that has credibility, write to the senator, come up with an actual solution or at least some ideas, or just stay home.

10:31 pm, I turn on the nightly news, channel 5. Topic: The aftermath of Florida’s hurricane. To my utter disgust, the discussion at hand is not about the individuals who lost their lives. It’s not about how many people lost their homes, their memories, their livelihood. It’s not about how we can volunteer our time or money to help victims. What are they discussing, you ask? (pan camera left to newscaster)

Newscaster: “Is it true that J-Lo lost her boat.”

HER FUCKING BOAT. Welcome to THEUNITEDSTATESOFFUCKINGAMERICA

Will somebody please wake me up from this nightmare… folks, I think we’ve reached an all-time low point in history. Excuse me while I vomit on my television set.

Two things you NEVER want to hear when you are sunbathing at the community pool, “Hey, I bet I can guess your weight,” and “I bet you weigh a lot more than you look.”

Yeah, so this goes down in the Why Do I Attract Such Strange People archives. I’m sunning at the pool, reading the book of the day (She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb) and this jolly looking red-haired old man taps me on the shoulder. I look up from my reading bliss and the man standing before me apologizes for bothering me, and says he noticed me getting out of the pool, and wanted to guess my weight. He explained that he used to guess peoples ages and weights for a living at an amusement park, and I am the type of person he can never really guess correctly.

Hm. I looked deep into his eyes, searching for a hint of psychopath or a tad of pervert. His eyes read “genuine.” I am sure he just wanted someone to talk to anyway, an analgesic to soothe the bighting pain that life sometimes emits. I bet people never give him the time of day, unsightly looking man that he was. Pudgy eye sockets and patches of sparse fiery red hair (SEE ALSO: the antitheses of clown; CARBON COPY: WifeLeftHimUnemployedJustTryingToSurvive).

So, he asked me if I minded if he guesses my weight. Being a person who finds herself mixed up in the weirdest situations imaginable, of course I go along with this man’s pleas

After an awkward moment of him gawking at my bikini-clad body, he guesses 157. He missed the mark. In the industry, we would call this “failure” with a touch of “defeat”. I let him down gently, with the news. He laughed. I smiled. “See, what did I tell you, I always have a hard time with your type.” Isn’t that the truth (I think to myself)… and I continued reading.

The war begins. Do you still want to go to the movies? How was that show you went to the other day? What’s that? You say that day salon gives the best massage
…keep me informed.

Women, men and children pillaged, suffering, raped of existence. Did Puffy Combs buy that new car? Did Ashton really wear that to the VMA’s? There are ten celebrities stuck on an island
… let me know what happens.

Chaos, death tolls, and innocent lives lost. Have you tried the Moo-shoo pork roll and the Caesar salad side? How much will that be? I need to go walk my dog
…fax me the information.

Three countries have just been bombed off the map. Does this bracelet come with a warranty? Are you still dating that guy? There is a fly in my coffee
… let me know how it turns out.

Our world will never exist as it has before. Are you going to eat that? Did you get a babysitter for Saturday night? That obese man who sued McDonalds just won his case
… send it to my email account.

Democracy eats its prey, dictatorship reigns supreme, United States strikes again. Did you want some fries with that? Did Whitney Houston really break up with Bobby? That cute little place on the east side is still open, let’s go
... call my cell phone.

Maybe that’s why they don’t like us. War. Wake up.