chicken soup for a programmer's soul(or the return of the inner geek)

1.) use your bugs wisely
in our project at work, there is a limit to the number of bugs(or errors for non-programmers) we can incur depending on the number of lines we coded, err, wrote for the project. right now, it's one bug per kiloline(i didn't know there was such a word) or a thousand lines of code. for this project, we have a limit of 50 bugs which means we've written 50,000 lines of code. robii jokingly reminded us with this brief line, use your bugs wisely. and as i think about it, it's true for programming as it is for life. sure, there's no quota to the mistakes you can make unless you've done something that would keep you from exercising your freedom to make choices which would range from self-inflicted injuring, maiming yourself or suicide. although i've said before that we shouldn't be afraid of making mistakes, it shouldn't be an excuse to go off and commit stupid, useless mistakes that could've been prevented in the first place if we've practiced a little more discretion and reflection, a lot of tact or patience, and little less pride and obstinacy. There are needless, useless bugs (see #2) as there are mistakes and i for one think that not only is life too brief to commit them but chances come by too infrequently to waste them.

2.) /*careful with the comments*/
there are lines in a code that aren't actually part of the program but are there as some sort of note, explanation or reminder to the programmer or the user. thus, the term, comment. all you have to do (at least in most languages) is prefix a single line with a "//" or if it's multi-line, you enclose the lines in between a pair of "/**/".anyway, i was in a rush the other day commenting out lines of code that i accidentally commented out an important line that checks for certain conditions before allowing a set of instructions to be executed. I overlooked that detail resulting to a bug that caused the system to crash, uhm, fail, at the start of the run. i've managed to fix it but another note to self, the little details count. funny but i used to accuse my ex-boyfriend about not paying attention to the little details and here i am committing the same carelessness. talk about the kettle calling a teapot black(or something to that effect). little details DO matter.

3.) divide and conquer
one of the chief concerns in programming, as far as i've observed anyway, is making sorting algorithms more efficient. it could mean reducing the space the particular alogorithm uses when it is executed or the amount of time it takes for it to complete a search. there are a couple of algorithms some of whose names do not merely sound interesting but are actually descriptive of what they do like bubble sort(the element with the least amount rises up the top of the pile, like a bubble). anyway, one particular algorithm, mergesort, works around the idea of dividing the set to be sorted into smaller and more manageable sub-pieces and then works its way up by putting back all the subdivided pieces.a while ago, i was trying to search for an excessive closing curly bracket in my code which was about a hundred lines long. it sounds easy and i thought so too but you wouldn't believe how tricky a couple of parenthesis and brackets can be. my groupmate louie noticed my agitation over my lack of success that he suggested i take out the whole block of code that i suspected to contain the problematic lines then try to add a portion of it to my code until i identify where the error is.in short, he says, divide and conquer. or as a rhyme in this recycled papelmoriti wrapper says,

"inch by inch,
life is a cinch.
yard by yard,
life is hard."


4.)to each his own algorithm
in college we had to study and eventually simulate several process management algorithms of an operating system. we all know how difficult it is trying to accomplish tasks, much less keep track of them especially when our fingers aren't even enough to count them.imagine how much tougher it'll be for your computer's os. anyway, some of them brilliant computer people, designed several techniques to manage these tasks.as far as i can remember there's the first-come, first-serve algorithm which is pretty much self-explanatory. then there's a shortest-job-first algorithm which is also pretty much descriptive and the round-robin algorithm wherein a time limit common for all tasks and when it expires, the next task is executed for the same amount of time, and so on until all tasks are done. in short, every task gets the same amount of time(or less). there are other algorithms that are a combination or modified version of the previous ones. i don't remember the others but my point is, inasmuch as an os has a plethora of options for its tasks, so do we. the challenge is finding one that works and works best for us. different strokes for different folks.go find your best stroke.

(to be continued...)

falling in love all over again

i am blissfully in love again-giddily, happily and unafraidly in love!it's been a long time since a poem has completely struck me with awe that i feel as if i've been struck in my stomach yet feeling like i've just basked in shimmering sunlight.it happened yesterday when i read szymborska's miracle fair.it's the kind of poem that echoes in your head and leaves you smiling and feeling good for days on.even now, the feeling has not yet subsided and i am more determined to start my own reading project and rediscover the joy of words, of poetry.
for months, i've lost interest in writing or reading anything literary for a while.john surmises it's either my disappointment over not winning the dean's awards or just plain and simple laziness and complacency. honestly, i'd rather say it's the former and mean it than admit to the latter.i've never thought that i'd get tired of poetry because there always seemed to be a boundless store of enthusiasm and eagerness in me and even more for me to learn for me to ever get bored.but i think my well of enrgy isn't as bottomless as i thought and the magnitude of poets and their works that awaited me weren't enough to keep the interest.
i've always known that i can't not write.even during that period when i couldn't, didn't write, i felt like there was something off even if i carried on like always.i was worn out after i started working especially with teh new place, the new people and i was too lazy, too tired to try to keep in touch with my poetry.
but like with all loves and relationships, you always return to those that truly matter.i'm glad to say i've come home and though i can't promise never to leave again, i know i'll always be coming back.

welcome to the miracle fair!

C.M. -> commonplace miracles or as i'd like to call them, reminders(yet another indication of lack of imagination and creativity as well as a limited vocabulary). reminders of speechless wonder, seemingly ordinary yet extraordinary blessings, the natural symphony of things and so many other wonderful,wonderful things we forget or overlook. i was reading through one of my friends's blogs and i read bits of some poems she liked that i liked, so much in fact that i searched for it over the whole worldwide web because i don't have the book(but will soon!). some of my searches were unsuccessful (for now) but i will find a copy of those poems while others yielded positive results.or should i say one?
so anyway, here's miracle#1: i found a copy of Wislawa Szymborska's 'Miracle Fair' which was one of the poems my friend mentioned and now, i am an even bigger Szymborska fan. the poem is nothing short of a miracle in itself - it is deceptively simple, common with small, everyday words yet masterfully combined and forged by perceptive insights that leave one awestruck and dumbfounded.i enjoyed reading it so much i sent it out to my friends.this will go down to my list of poems i wish i could write...

Miracle Fair
by WISLAWA SZYMBORSKA
"Commonplace miracle:
that so many commonplace miracles happen.

An ordinary miracle:
the dead of night
the barking of invisible dogs.

One miracle out of many:
a small, airy cloud
yet it can block a large and heavy moon.

Several miracles in one:
an alder tree refected in the water,
and that it's backwards left to right
and that it grows there, crown down
and never reaches the bottom,
even though the water is shallow.

An everyday miracle:
winds weak to moderate
turning gusty in storms.

First among equal miracles:
cows are cows.

Second to none:
just this orchard
from just that seed.

A miracle without a cape and top hat:
scattering white doves.

A miracle, for what else could you call it:
today the sun rose at three-fourteen
and set at eight-o-one.

A miracle, less surprising than it should be:
even though the hand has fewer than six fingers,
it still has more than four.

A miracle, just take a look around:
the world is everywhere.

An additional miracle, as everything is additional:
the unthinkable
is thinkable."


miracle#2: i found the poem in another blog. from what i've learned about him(the owner) so far, he's from the states and he also writes. he came up with this project of reading up one work of each nobel laureate of literature from the start to teh present(although i'm not sure if his reading list follows in the same chronological order). szymborska was awarded in 1996(in my mind, i can figure her liek a grandmother dressed in an oversized, colorful duster) and he read up on her book Miracle Fair.i left him a message telling him i found the project interesting and wished him luck.i'm thinking up on having my own reading project(yet another proof of my lack of originality).his entries are mostly about the books he read, some lines he liked and his thoughts about them.i think i might have found another blog to haunt everyday and another possible model for my writing and reading exercises.talk about miracles.i really think i'm having a miracle fair today.:)

back to the classroom

note to self: i've got to be kinder to myself. i have to learn to forgive myself for the mistakes i've made and for those i will be making. i should stop berating myself for not knowing any better and nursing regrets about the things i should've done instead of what i did. but most importantly, i should stop being too cautious and afraid to commit mistakes.
i have to learn to accept myself fancy trimmings, uneven wrappers and loose threads included. i could always be better - write the poems i've always wanted to write, love with the restraint and patience that i've seen others exercise in their relationships, maybe even be a better friend, daughter, sister, but still be me. i have to stop comparing myself with other people and wishing for some other life, a second chance. my faults are no reason for shame, my mistakes no cause for regret.
as i have been reminded, what matters is this moment and what i choose to do with it.maybe in time i will learn how to spend my moments better.but for now, i bask in it the best way i can and know how.i hope that is enough.
i have to remember to be patient with myself if i am slow to learn all the lessons i'm suppose to know or achieve all the goals i've set out.it will come eventually, i have to believe that.

rediscovering gaiman

i read an online forum today on gaiman and some memorable quotes from his sandman series and his other books. it's been a long time since i read anything that compelled me to reread the lines and memorize them so i can recite it at will. some of gaiman's works are so useful especially when you want to have something to mull over to spark your writing juices or when you want to impress you friends with some profound line. but anyway, here are some of my favorites:

1.)"We all not only could know everything. We do. We just tell ourselves we don't to make it all bearable."

2.)"You people always hold onto old identities, old faces and masks, long after they've served their purpose.
But you've got to learn to throw things away eventually."

3.)"I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend... I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend."

4.)"Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot."

5.)"Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes when you fall, you fly."

6.)"Omnia Mutantur, Nihil Interit. Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost."

7.)"Walk any path in Destiny's garden, and you will be forced to choose, not once but many times. With each step you take through Destiny's garden, you make a choice, and every choice determines future paths. However, at the end of a lifetime of walking you might look back, and see only one path stretching behind you; or look ahead and see only darkness."

8.)"It is what he wanted. But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the price, their heart's desire, their dream… but the price of getting what you want, is getting what once you wanted."

9.)"Death's a funny thing. I used to think that it was a big, sudden thing, like a huge owl that would swoop down out of the night and carry you off. I don't anymore. I think it's a slow thing, like a thief who comes to your house day after day, taking a little thing here and a little thing there, and one day you walk round your house and there’s nothing there to keep you, nothing to make you want to stay. And then you lie down and shut up forever. Lots of little deaths before the big one."

10.)"Have you ever been in love?

Horrible, isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "How very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way to your heart.

It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that.

Especially not love.

I hate love."

the excuses we tell ourselves

he tried to tell you in so many ways - the sporadic texting and even less frequent meetings, that reluctant look everytime you mention anything about feelings, commitment or any of its related words and of course, the careful, almost calculated, maneuvers to keep you from infringing on his life without offending you.

but like most everyone else, we prefer ignorance, albeit feigned, because it is easier that way. so we make excuses and pat ourselves on the back for being so mature and understanding. we tell ourselves that all he really needs is time and he'll eventually realize how much you really mean to him. we try to convince ourselves that he really cares because it is easier than to face the fact that maybe he doesn't and all he wanted was a good time. then when you haven't heard from him for weeks, you try to believe that he's just too busy and you berate yourself for being too clingy. and when he does finally ask you out, you cancel all your plans and laugh at ever doubting his feelings because you're convinced this is proof enough that he actually misses you and wants to spend some time with you. so you drop whatever plans you have despite your fervent promise to live your own life.

but you know that love leaves no room for doubts. it's either he does or he doesn't and if he hesitates, it's more likely it isn't love at all. because he, like you, knows what he wants and most of the time, not even a little space or more time can alter that. you so badly want to believe that it's the real thing, that he is the one, that this will last forever, not just a fleeting flight of fancy or a surge of hormones that lasts as long as the last kiss. and you know that "I'm too tired" or "I'm too busy" is not a valid excuse not to call you for weeks on. because no matter how exhausting or too hectic it gets, he will find a way if he wants to badly enough. so you quietly mold yourself and your world to accommodate him, even to squelch who you really are so you can say you've changed and you've grown. then you'll have a reason to believe that you can make it work this time. But it isn't just about you, as your friends constantly tell you. it's also about him and no matter how much you try to put the pieces together, it just won't fall into place if he doesn't cooperate.

and one day, he will walk away and leave you wondering what you've done wrong this time. so you end up with more regrets, more self-reproaches, and a bigger heartache. and you wait, hoping that you'd get another chance to try to make it work.

or you can quit while you're ahead. take the lessons and learn them by heart then leave everything else behind-the regrets you have, those excuses you made up, your anger or even the hope that you can still get back together. you say goodbye to this chapter of your life and walk away with yes, a heart that's a little less intact but hopefully, a person that's whole once again.

of goodbyes and hellos

i dread goodbyes. two weeks ago, i was at the airport to see off my sisters and my uncle who spent the christmas and new year here. having them around, especially my sisters, made me realize how much i've missed by choosing to stay here instead of going home. and once again i began to wonder if this road that i've chosen to take is worth giving up the old one i've abandoned. in the end, it's the same fear of goodbyes that compelled me to stay. that, and the fear that i might not be able to turn back.
but anyway, i'm digressing. i just learned today another officemate would be resigning, aside from the other two who are also set to leave by next month. one of them is my partner and more importantly, one of the few friends i have at work. already i foresee more work for me, less people to keep me sane during those unbearable workdays and hopefully, a salary increase and better benefits because management wants to make people stay.
i tell myself i should get used to it by now, this cycle of farewells and welcomes, that these departures give way to other arrivals and the pep talk goes on. but the hollow feeling after watching someone leave remains. although it dulls after some time until you finally resume the normal pace of your life. most of the time i know it does and you can remember people without flinching or growing pensive.
yesterday, on my way home, i struck up a conversation with two my officemates about the pets we had. i told them about this abandoned flea-infested puppy my aunt and i found near my mom's canteen. we spent hours trying to get him cleaned up because practically every strand of his hair was teeming with fleas. after numerous baths in vinegar and oil(they said it helps get rid of fleas) and getting ourselves half-soaked, he was clean. so we took him home and everyone was ecstatic about our new-found pet.
the next day, our entire family went off to a picnic in the beach. i wanted taking the puppy with us but my dad, after engaging in a verbal tussle with my mom, ended up with a foul mood and ordered us to leave the puppy behind. when we got home, we found him (the puppy, not my dad) dead after one of the older dogs bit him on the neck.i remembered my sisters and i crying that day.even my mom got teary-eyed. but yesterday, when i recalled that incident yesterday, i laughed at how ridiculous we might have looked crying over the dead puppy.
someday, i know, i will look back and have a good laugh about how silly i am being now. and that most of the time, i won't even remember half the people i dread losing. of course, i know losing people are a lot different from losing pets. but i also know that like pets, we have to let some go to make room for others to come, because we don't have enough space to keep everyone.