I'VE GOT ISSUES

http://www2.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifThis site is great. It's a simple list of hot political topics alongside some drop-down menus. Go down the list and indicate whether you support or oppose the different topics, from stem cell research to torturing people for sport, and then calculate the results.

The site then spits out a list of the presidential candidates in the order that they agree with you. I can almost guarantee that the person on the top of your list will not NOT be the person you are planning on voting for. In fact, the people you are most likely to vote for are probably a little further down the list - toward the center.

I actually like the idea of an election run this way - on the issues. Instead of sifting through the propaganda of unregulated political marketing to try and come to an informed decision, we could just have the presidential candidates fill out a questionnaire revealing how they stand on the issues. Then we'd all vote on those same issues; each individual's vote would be cast for that candidates who best matches up on the issues. Voila! No negative ads required. It's not about distorting a person's record or destroying their reputation anymore. It's about shit that matters...like how you intend to lead the nation.

But that wouldn't be any fun. There'd be no good guys and bad guys. No one to root for and against. Just a simple questionnaire to fill out. Ho hum. On second thought, never mind. Our twisted, scornful political system is way more fun the way it is.

BEEN AWHILE, I KNOW

That's the life of a busy professional, I suppose. But I'm still alive. And well. Here's a little something to chew on in the mean time.

Stay tuned.

BREAKING (OR BROKEN?) NEWS ALERTS

So I signed up to receive these CNN Breaking News Alert bulletins via e-mail through the CNN.com website. Have you tried this? I figured it would be a great way to keep up to speed on breaking news as it happens. And because I have my e-mail pushed to my Smartphone, I can also stay current when I'm out and about. Unfortunately, the CNN Breaking News Alerts are anything but "breaking." For some reason, they're not sending out breaking news until well after it breaks, at which point I guess it would be considered broken.

Yet I remain hopeful every time my phone jingles with a new e-mail from CNN that it is going to be some incredible news flash I can share with everyone around me. But each time I open it up my eager eyes are met with yesterday's headlines: Michael Vick pleads not guilty. NASA astronauts drunk. Lindsay Lohan all coked up and no where to go.

Then this morning I got one that read "Magna Carta Ratified" and I just gave up. When it comes to news alerts, if it ain't breaking, it's broken.

LAND OF THE BUY-ONE-GET-ONE FREE

Might be time to loosen that Bible belt a little bit. America's getting fat all over, but no where faster than right around the middle.

DIVINE CONSULTATION

Have you ever had a discussion with God? Yeah - He's an awesome listener. Doesn't say anything at all. Doesn't make you feel ashamed or embarrassed or guilty. Just a real good Guy who's there to listen when you need to vent.

And now He's got a website where you can IM back and forth for all of the answers you seek. Check it out. A frustrating, but cool interface for chatting with your Maker.

Have something to repent? Need some advice? Just want to say hi? Go nuts - iGod is all ears (and fingers).

WHO SHOULD YOU VOTE FOR FOR PRESIDENT?

With the presidential primaries scheduled for early 2008, it may be time to start looking at the viability of some of your options. The whole idea behind democracy is that we elect people to act on our behalf in making decisions that will affect us all.

You're going to be hearing a lot of spin in the upcoming months. Obama lacks experience. Hillary is a pandering cyborg. Giuliani is exploiting 9/11. Romney is a fucking moron. Paul is a racist nutjob. The name of the game in political marketing these days is to brand your opponent unfit with a catchy, unforgettable nickname. Case in point: how Kerry was destroyed by the tag "flip-flopper," a term of endearment bestowed upon him countless times by Rupert Murdoch's fair and balanced spin doctors.

I personally don't find it comforting that the media, by and large, discourages our elected officials from changing their minds about the issues once they've voiced an opinion. I know a lot of people. A LOT of people. And I don't know one person who can say they've never changed their mind about something. We all change our minds...quite regularly, in fact. This is owed to something called "learning."

You live and you learn. And as you do, your opinions on and attitudes toward things change. It's only natural. There was a time I voted for Bush and despised Al Gore. Boy have I arrived at a different place today. You live, you learn. Gore's still fucking annoying as hell - but there's little doubt in my mind he was the better option for president. Word now is that Bush plans to declare a police state, institute a draft, and go after Iran before his term is up. And there's nothing we can do about it because our elected officials blindly signed the Patriot Act which pretty much says the president can do whatever he wants without restriction. All of those ludicrous Bush-Hitler comparisons are gaining merit fast.

Anyhow, we're finally into the homestretch of Bush's reign of terror. Just another 18 months, baby! With that in mind, I present to you the following list of issues. May I suggest you get out a pen and write them down. Then, next to each one write down whether you are in "support" of or "oppose." Skip the issues you don't give a shit about because they won't factor into your decision. Ready? You have 60 seconds. GO!

Abortion
Death penalty
No child left behind
Embryonic Stem Cell research
Drilling for oil here at home (ANWR)
Assault weapon ban
Signing the Kyoto Treaty for the environment
Mandatory background checks for gun buyers
The Patriot Act
Guantanamo Bay
Use of torture to gather information
Wiretapping of U.S. citizens
Path to citizenship for Illegal Aliens
Immigration border fence
Internet neutrality
Sanctions against Iran
Military action against Iran
Support for war in Iraq
Support for troop surge in Iraq
Withdrawl from Iraq
Minimum wage increase
Same sex civil unions
Same sex marriage
Same sex constitutional ban
Universal healthcare

Once you have completed your cheat sheet on the issues, click on this link to a table of the issues. It is a chart that illustrates where all of the presidential candidates stand on these very same issues. Compare your options. Find out who thinks most like you and the decision is easy. Unless you end up with Hillary, in which case I completely understand if you just can't do it. I'm not sure America is ready for a cyborg, either.

STUFF I FIND ONLINE

Love it. Click image to view in full.

DOT.FLATLINE

Imagine life without the internet. Hard to do these days. This special news report on the end of the world wide web is a fucking riot.

JUST A TASTE

Here's a snippet from a news article I was just reading.

"Part of the biker's body landed in the southbound lanes," said Town Hall District Lt. Robert Kohnen.

Enough said, I think.

THIRST FOR UNDERSTANDING

SOLVATION!

Here's a Japanese I.Q. Test you will not pass.

There is a solution, but good luck arriving at it. The rules to this logic-based brainteaser are so difficult to keep straight you may find it easier to transcribe everything into algebra equations. Or, maybe you'll just want to click on the pretty picture for fun.

Good luck!

MAP MY RUN!

I jog several times a week - not because I enjoy it, but because I know it's good for me. And because I feel less guilty eating crap food for lunch when I had a good run the night before. Sometimes I wonder how far I've run and try adding up the blocks in my head and equating them to rough miles. Somehow it never seems to be as far as I hoped it would be.

And then I stumbled upon this kick ass site called Map My Run. They basically let you zoom in on a Google Map and trace out your route block by block and turn by turn. The distance automatically adds up for you and - voila - you can see exactly how far you've gone. Found out that my standard trek along Lake Shore Drove from North and Clark to the southern end of Diversey Harbor and back is precisely 3miles long.

A little farther than I thought it'd be. Looks like I'm ready for that 5K next week after all.

THE HAMBURGLAR CALLETH

I love this one.

Authorities in Illinois finally tracked down a 4-year-old girl who called 911 nearly 300 times last month.

According to the report, she was calling from a deactivated cell phone without her mother's knowledge - and driving emergency dispatchers insane for a large portion of June. On the 287th call, they finally asked the little girl what she wanted and she said, "McDonald's."

So they said they would bring her McDonald's if she told them her address...which she did. Minutes later the police showed up at her suburban Chicago apartment - sans happy meal. The girl's mother promptly took away the cell phone.

Cute story - but the thing you need to know here is that, by federal law, deactivated cell phones are required to be able to access 911. Many will also contact an emergency center if the 9 key is held down. So hang onto those old, deactivated cell phones and keep them charged up - just in case. You never know when you might crave a late night Big Mac.

REQUIRED READING

Here's your homework for the 4th of July holiday.

Here's a little perspective on how and why our independence is under siege - and it's not terrorism we have to fear, but rather those who would have us fear it.

AND ANOTHER THING

Will someone take the fork out of McCain already - he's been done for months.

PARDON MOI?

"I respect the jury's verdict," Bush said in a statement. "But I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive."

Case closed! Roll credits. Scooter scoots free.

Good thing we wasted all that taxpayer money trying (and convicting!) Cheney's scapegoat in a court of law so our nation's Great Decider Kim-Jong Bush could wave his magic wand and make it all go away.

There's clearly no point in having a legislative or a judicial branch of government in this country - they have little authority to do anything. The executive branch is calling all the shots. They make their own rules and then decide when to selectively enforce them. No checks. No balances. Oh wait - there was a check...I forgot. A BLANK one for the war in Iraq. Congress really stood their ground on that one, didn't they?

These assclowns are making a mockery of our country. It's downright embarrassing, frankly. Read Bush's statement again:

"I respect the jury's verdict, but I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive."

Well there you have it. Bush has concluded the sentence was excessive. This Scooter chump commits an act of treason in covering up for a bunch of other guys who committed treason and the ringleader of this cirque d' so-liars comes riding in on his white house horse at the last second to save the day.

Justice gets cornholed again.

BUYING A PRESIDENT

Excitement builds in the race for the Democratic nomination. While a lot of media reports are focusing on cash totals, and the fact that Obama just shattered some more fundraising records, a far more interesting statistic stands out to me: the donor toll.

Clinton: 60,000
Obama: 258,000

Clinton's money is coming from politically affiliated, big-money donors who shell out the max because they see her as good for business (and politics) as usual. As Michael Moore's new movie "Sicko" points out, she may as well be on the health insurance industry payroll, among others. Which raises the age-old question regarding money and politics: How can anyone who accepts that much money from any industry be expected to address issues objectively? The idea behind such donations are that they buy access and influence. They're business decisions made in the best interests of business people (read: the wealthy) and the companies and industries they represent.

Obama meanwhile, has proven attractive to many disillusioned, disenfranchised voters, who have identified an historic opportunity to buck the establishment trend. Obama has been resisting the very donations Clinton is counting on, depending instead on populist support. And the donor tolls would appear he is getting it. The fact that he needs 4X as many donors to equal the Clinton's haul points to a population ready for real change - and not just the novelty of having a woman in our nation's top office, or an African-American for that matter. But a return to the idea that our elected officials are supposed to represent "we the people" - not they the lobby.

And we the people are finally figuring it out. It takes money to prevent the special interests from hijacking our options for higher office. But together, as 258,000 people recently testified, this is something we CAN do. We don't have to settle for the oligarchic plutocracy of yet another term in the Bush-Clinton dynasty. We can break away like Kelly fucking Clarkson by electing a different kind of American Idol.

One that's bought and paid for with our own money for a change.

iTRANSFORM

There's a new movie coming out that I have absolutely no desire to see - but I'm sure it will be a runaway blockbuster hit. It's called Transformers, and if you click here you'll find some folks who would kill me for dissing their life passion.

Cool Halloween costumes, though.

SPANISH FLY?

FLASH GORDON VS. THE CURSOR

Creativity at its finest. Someone had a field day with Flash. As someone who pays people money to build Flash presentations, I can tell you this took more than a couple hours to produce. And the concept is winning.

The link downloads a .swf (Shock Wave Flash) file. Takes a few moments, but worth the wait.