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America Heads for the Trash Can of History
by Paul Craig Roberts (Reposted without permission in the interest of saving America by the silly monkey AYNtK)
[http://www.opednews.com]
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11/28/07 "ICH" --- -- In new books writers as disparate as Naomi Wolf and Pat Buchanan conclude that America as we know her is disappearing. Both writers hope, but are not confident, that enough Americans will catch on in time to find the leadership to pull America back from the brink.
If polls are reliable, a majority of Americans are dissatisfied with President Bush and Congress. However, Americans are far short of Wolf and Buchanan's grasp of our peril.
Americans are unable to connect their dissatisfaction with the current political leadership with their choice of new leaders. All polls show that Hillary Clinton is far in the lead for the Democratic presidential nomination and Rudy Giuliani is far in the lead for the Republican nomination These are the only two candidates guaranteed to be worse than Bush/Cheney.
Both Hillary and Rudy are committed to the war. Both refuse to rule out expanding the war to Iran and beyond. Both are totally in the pocket of the Israel Lobby. Indeed, practically every Giuliani advisor is a member of the Lobby. Both defend the police state measures that "protect us from terrorism." And neither gives a hoot for the US Constitution and the civil liberties it guarantees. The Republican Giuliani is likely to overturn the Second Amendment even quicker than the Democrat Hillary.
Both Hillary and Rudy are creatures of ambition, not of principle. Both are one up on Karl Marx. Marx said truth serves class interests. For Hillary and Rudy, truth is what serves their individual interests. They both wear black hats, and the horse they ride is called power.
Yet in November polls, Republicans prefer Giuliani by a margin of five or six to one over Ron Paul, the only principled Republican candidate and a person who without any doubt believes in the Constitution and would protect it.
Democrats prefer Hillary by a margin of twenty to one over Dennis Kucinich, the only member of Congress sufficiently concerned and courageous to introduce impeachment against the notorious war criminal Dick Cheney. By margins as much as forty-four to one, Democrats prefer Hillary to Senator Christopher Dodd, who promises to give America back its Constitution in the first hour of his administration. Former Alaska Senator Mike Gravel does not even register in the polls.
Obviously, the American people haven't a clue. In November 2007 they show a distinct preference for leaders who are even worse than the ones with whom they are currently dissatisfied. What does this tell us about the American people and their commitment to be sufficiently informed for democracy to function?
It tells us that they are not up to the challenge. It is only a matter of time before America succumbs to the plutocracy, against which Warren Buffet recently warned Congress, or the fascist tyranny that Naomi Wolf sees in our future.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
A LITTLE CREATIVITY
This Mini owner and devoted Buckeye fan didn't care for her Michigan state license plate options, so she made the best out of what she had. Rivalries are cool.
SUB-PRIMAL FEAR
It seems the word "foreclosure" has been popping up more and more these days - due in large part to the predictable (if only in hindsight) collapse of the sub-prime mortgage market, a dangerous lending practice recently uncovered as an institution-wide money-making scheme gone south.
If you are unfamiliar with exactly how a handful of financial giants ruined the dream of home ownership for millions of hard-working, low-to-middle-income Americans, I recommend you watch this clip. The participants break down the sub-prime mortgage scandal in such a way as to make it both accessible and entertaining.
Thanks to JB for sharing...
ANOTHER BRICK ON THE MALL
If you're a Chicago White Sox fan or a St. Louis Cardinals fan, you've got to take advantage of this amazing opportunity to stick it to the Chicago Cubs! I'm a Cubs fan, and it pains me to see they're shamelessly hawking personalized plaza stones to bring in a few extra bucks. There's no way I'd fork over $175 to have people step all over my good name. But if I were a Sox fan, I'd sure as shit invest in a brick that forever jams their recent World Series victory down the north-siders' throats. Whose brilliant idea was this?
Monday, November 26, 2007
THE MONKEY HAS A SISTER?
Is that my little sister running for elected office? You'd better believe it. And if she ever lets me spill ALL the beans, you're not going to believe the stories I have to tell about the sorry state of our nation's twisted political system. Grisham-esque.
What we need is complete turnover of every publicly held office in America. New blood. New leadership. New ideas. And this lady sure knows her stuff. She ought to - she and I are cut from the same simian cloth. Monkey see good, monkey do good.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
IT'S NOT IN THE BAG, IT'S IN THE TEA
There's a Tea Party brewing...and you're invited! The establishment and fourth estate can jam Rudy and Hillary down our throats all year long, but they can't step into the voting booth with us. Let's shake shit up, people.
Viva la Revolucion!
FOX NEWS PORN
Here's a brilliant follow-up to the expose on Fox News Channel's smut affinity. It's called Fox News Porn - a mock website assembled from actual Fox footage that mimics the look and feel of an adult entertainment site. May as well be hosted by the pimp dad himself, Bill Oh!Reilly.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
TO HILLARY IN A HANDBASKET
Here's an enlightening article on how campaign aides at a recent Clinton appearance prepped audience members by assigning them softball questions to ask. The student in the article blew the whistle after a staffer told her not to ask the question she wanted to ask, but to instead ask her this OTHER question, which was all typed up and ready to go in a campaign binder.
At some point, after initially going along with the charade, it dawned on the student that the entire episode was a load of fucking horseshit - so she squealed like a good little American piggy. Yes - I suppose it does make answering questions a little easier if you know what they are in advance. In school, this is called "cheating." Students are warned that behavior of this nature is a violation of ethics, and punishable by expulsion. Sadly, in politics, it's par for the course.
If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough.
At some point, after initially going along with the charade, it dawned on the student that the entire episode was a load of fucking horseshit - so she squealed like a good little American piggy. Yes - I suppose it does make answering questions a little easier if you know what they are in advance. In school, this is called "cheating." Students are warned that behavior of this nature is a violation of ethics, and punishable by expulsion. Sadly, in politics, it's par for the course.
If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
PUERCO RICO
Every so often I have one of those "heaven on earth" moments where I think to myself life just can't get any better than it is right now. About ten minutes ago I had another such moment while eating what was, without question, the very best roasted pork burrito I have ever had.
Wow.
Still recovering from the experience. And now I'm lapsing into a post-burrito funk - that emotional low following the sensory high of eating something so perfect. I may be in the early stages of addiction here. What was in that burrito? Cilantro! The cilantro gets me every time.
I need more. I have to have more.
Wow.
Still recovering from the experience. And now I'm lapsing into a post-burrito funk - that emotional low following the sensory high of eating something so perfect. I may be in the early stages of addiction here. What was in that burrito? Cilantro! The cilantro gets me every time.
I need more. I have to have more.
A PUCKIN' SHAME
The subject of hockey cheerleaders came up at work the other day. Don’t ask me how. But I did take a pretty firm stance on it that surprised some people. I don’t like it. Period. First period. Second period. Third period. Don’t like the idea at all. Not in favor it.
I don’t know if you’ve been to an NHL hockey game recently, but I can tell you that during timeouts at Chicago Blackhawks games, a squad of skinny girls in tight-fitting clothes cruises out onto the ice with shovels to clear away slush from around the goalie boxes. It's a pretty important job that stadium management determined would be best handled by a crack crew of exotic dancers and night-club bartenders on their day off.
Of course, clearing away slush isn't REALLY their purpose. (The fact is, they clear away very little slush from around the net.) Their REAL purpose is to sex up the sport a little by giving all of the men in the arena something to look at while the athletes are catching their breath. To be completely honest, I find it a little insulting. "Why?" the oversexed heterosexual male might ask. Because I don’t go to hockey games to ogle women. I just don’t. I don’t go to strip clubs to ogle women, either – but if I wanted to ogle women, that’s where I would go...a strip club. Not a fucking hockey game. I go to a hockey game to eat cold, overpriced stadium food, drink flat domestic beer, and watch men with wooden sticks run into each other at high speeds. Gawking at big-bosomed women in tight lycra jumpsuits isn't on the agenda.
So, no, I don’t care for the cheap-ass peep show on ice. And the more I thought about it, the more I started realizing how some element of sex seems infused into virtually everything these days. Even the NEWS! Fox "News" Channel, not surprisingly, is the worst. While they claim to take the high road, it's clear to even the casual viewer what's going on here. Check out this fine segment undressing FOX one hypocritical example of poor taste after the next.
Okay. So sex sells, they say. I get it. But where does it end? I’m already in the ice rink – I already bought the ticket. I already bought the beer. What are the ice girls selling me? An experience? Come on. Can we stop objectifying young women already, perpetuating the illusion that the primary measure of their worth is in turning heads. Women are more valuable to society than this, aren't they? Seriously.
ICE GIRLS: I bet more than a few of these ladies can make a mean ham sandwich, too. It's a real puckin' shame...
Here it is in a nutshell. Just as women resent being portrayed as sex objects, I resent when men are viewed as sex-obsessed objects. I have other interests, you know. Like sports. And gambling. And bar trivia. I am more than a sexual impulse. I am more than a desire to procreate. I am more than a seed seeking purchase. So, yes, it’s a little insulting when it is presumed that women in provocative dress will add value to my experience as a hockey fan. And I also find it disrespectful to the female partners of the fans, who just roll their eyes when the ice girls skate out and do their thing. What's the point to all of this visual temptation anyhow? It's not going anywhere. Come to think of it, neither is this post.
I don’t know if you’ve been to an NHL hockey game recently, but I can tell you that during timeouts at Chicago Blackhawks games, a squad of skinny girls in tight-fitting clothes cruises out onto the ice with shovels to clear away slush from around the goalie boxes. It's a pretty important job that stadium management determined would be best handled by a crack crew of exotic dancers and night-club bartenders on their day off.
Of course, clearing away slush isn't REALLY their purpose. (The fact is, they clear away very little slush from around the net.) Their REAL purpose is to sex up the sport a little by giving all of the men in the arena something to look at while the athletes are catching their breath. To be completely honest, I find it a little insulting. "Why?" the oversexed heterosexual male might ask. Because I don’t go to hockey games to ogle women. I just don’t. I don’t go to strip clubs to ogle women, either – but if I wanted to ogle women, that’s where I would go...a strip club. Not a fucking hockey game. I go to a hockey game to eat cold, overpriced stadium food, drink flat domestic beer, and watch men with wooden sticks run into each other at high speeds. Gawking at big-bosomed women in tight lycra jumpsuits isn't on the agenda.
So, no, I don’t care for the cheap-ass peep show on ice. And the more I thought about it, the more I started realizing how some element of sex seems infused into virtually everything these days. Even the NEWS! Fox "News" Channel, not surprisingly, is the worst. While they claim to take the high road, it's clear to even the casual viewer what's going on here. Check out this fine segment undressing FOX one hypocritical example of poor taste after the next.
Okay. So sex sells, they say. I get it. But where does it end? I’m already in the ice rink – I already bought the ticket. I already bought the beer. What are the ice girls selling me? An experience? Come on. Can we stop objectifying young women already, perpetuating the illusion that the primary measure of their worth is in turning heads. Women are more valuable to society than this, aren't they? Seriously.
ICE GIRLS: I bet more than a few of these ladies can make a mean ham sandwich, too. It's a real puckin' shame...Here it is in a nutshell. Just as women resent being portrayed as sex objects, I resent when men are viewed as sex-obsessed objects. I have other interests, you know. Like sports. And gambling. And bar trivia. I am more than a sexual impulse. I am more than a desire to procreate. I am more than a seed seeking purchase. So, yes, it’s a little insulting when it is presumed that women in provocative dress will add value to my experience as a hockey fan. And I also find it disrespectful to the female partners of the fans, who just roll their eyes when the ice girls skate out and do their thing. What's the point to all of this visual temptation anyhow? It's not going anywhere. Come to think of it, neither is this post.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE, #17
Michael Jackson on the cover of Ebony magazine.Wow.
That's like putting Jesus on the cover of Scientific American.
Or Hillary on the cover of the New Yorker.
Monday, November 05, 2007
THE WRITERS STRIKE BACK
The terrorists have won. I concede. They finally did it. America is about to become a crippled shadow of its former self.
Somehow Al-Qaeda managed to infiltrate Hollywood, persuading the Writer's Guild of America to go on strike, a move expected to force much of American television entertainment programming into repeats! YES, REPEATS! Just when it's about to get cold outside they hit us with re-reruns. This is simply unthinkable.
They really know how to hit us where it hurts, don't they?
In all seriousness, the WGA did go on strike, and that could mean lights out for some of your favorite shows this year. Here's a select breakdown of shows I have actually heard of for your files:
Late Night TV
"Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"The Tonight Show" and "The Conan O'Brien Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
Status: Staffed with WGA writers, so it would probably go to repeats. But Kimmel may decide to wing it.
"Nightline"
Status: Will remain live and in originals. Sadly, I more Americans will likely prefer to watch Conan reruns than learn something new and interesting about the world around them.
ABC
"Lost"
Status: Expected to have eight out of 16 episodes ready.
"Cavemen"
Status: Expected to have 12 out of 13 episodes completed; has not received an order for a full season.
"The View"
Status: Will continue uninterrupted, according to a spokesman. Thank heavens.
"Dirty Sexy Money"
Status: Expected have between 11 and 13 episodes completed.
"Brothers & Sisters"
Status: Expected to have either 11 or 12 episodes completed.
CBS
"Jericho"
Status: Will have seven of seven episodes.
NBC
"Friday Night Lights"
Status: Expected to complete 15 of 22 episodes.
"Scrubs"
Status: Expected to complete 12 of 18 episodes.
Fox
"24"
Status: Will have eight or nine out of 24 episodes completed. Midseason, none have aired yet.
FX
"Nip/Tuck"
Status: 22 episodes planned for two cycles: 14 to run from now to February and eight next year. All 14 in the first cycle have been written.
"The Shield"
Status: The final season is written, no date set for airing.
"Rescue Me"
Status: 5th season, just announced, would be affected since production is expected to start in early '08.
HBO
"Entourage" and "Big Love"
Status: Are currently in the writing stages and were scheduled to air in the summer of 2008.
"The Wire"
Status: Completed and will air as scheduled.
******
Soaps are also screwed, as they rely on day-to-day writing staff. But Survivor and other reality programming like Big Brother and the Amazing Race will likely survive the WGA strike.
So WHY are the writers on strike? Did someone replace the regular coffee with decaffeinated? Not exactly. It's all about the internet and how more original content is being broadcast, syndicated, and made available online. The networks are claiming ownership of their online content without affording the writers an opportunity to benefit from residuals - an industry term for additional income earned when content is rebroadcast, or in the case of the internet, re-accessed by an audience. The writers see their residuals being affected by the internet and would like to negotiate a revenue sharing deal with the networks execs, who apparently seem to think modern television programming writes itself.
All I know is, this is my big shot! Time to get a writing sample in front of the Conan folks!
Somehow Al-Qaeda managed to infiltrate Hollywood, persuading the Writer's Guild of America to go on strike, a move expected to force much of American television entertainment programming into repeats! YES, REPEATS! Just when it's about to get cold outside they hit us with re-reruns. This is simply unthinkable.
They really know how to hit us where it hurts, don't they?
In all seriousness, the WGA did go on strike, and that could mean lights out for some of your favorite shows this year. Here's a select breakdown of shows I have actually heard of for your files:
Late Night TV
"Colbert Report" and "The Daily Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"The Tonight Show" and "The Conan O'Brien Show"
Status: Will go into repeats immediately.
"Jimmy Kimmel Live"
Status: Staffed with WGA writers, so it would probably go to repeats. But Kimmel may decide to wing it.
"Nightline"
Status: Will remain live and in originals. Sadly, I more Americans will likely prefer to watch Conan reruns than learn something new and interesting about the world around them.
ABC
"Lost"
Status: Expected to have eight out of 16 episodes ready.
"Cavemen"
Status: Expected to have 12 out of 13 episodes completed; has not received an order for a full season.
"The View"
Status: Will continue uninterrupted, according to a spokesman. Thank heavens.
"Dirty Sexy Money"
Status: Expected have between 11 and 13 episodes completed.
"Brothers & Sisters"
Status: Expected to have either 11 or 12 episodes completed.
CBS
"Jericho"
Status: Will have seven of seven episodes.
NBC
"Friday Night Lights"
Status: Expected to complete 15 of 22 episodes.
"Scrubs"
Status: Expected to complete 12 of 18 episodes.
Fox
"24"
Status: Will have eight or nine out of 24 episodes completed. Midseason, none have aired yet.
FX
"Nip/Tuck"
Status: 22 episodes planned for two cycles: 14 to run from now to February and eight next year. All 14 in the first cycle have been written.
"The Shield"
Status: The final season is written, no date set for airing.
"Rescue Me"
Status: 5th season, just announced, would be affected since production is expected to start in early '08.
HBO
"Entourage" and "Big Love"
Status: Are currently in the writing stages and were scheduled to air in the summer of 2008.
"The Wire"
Status: Completed and will air as scheduled.
******
Soaps are also screwed, as they rely on day-to-day writing staff. But Survivor and other reality programming like Big Brother and the Amazing Race will likely survive the WGA strike.
So WHY are the writers on strike? Did someone replace the regular coffee with decaffeinated? Not exactly. It's all about the internet and how more original content is being broadcast, syndicated, and made available online. The networks are claiming ownership of their online content without affording the writers an opportunity to benefit from residuals - an industry term for additional income earned when content is rebroadcast, or in the case of the internet, re-accessed by an audience. The writers see their residuals being affected by the internet and would like to negotiate a revenue sharing deal with the networks execs, who apparently seem to think modern television programming writes itself.
All I know is, this is my big shot! Time to get a writing sample in front of the Conan folks!
Friday, November 02, 2007
MILK IT UNTIL IT TURNS TO CHEESE
As you may have heard, there’s a new Rambo flick coming out in a couple of months. Stallone resumes his role as John Rambo, this time leading an expedition into the jungle where they, not surprisingly, find themselves ambushed by bad guys with an endless supply of firearms and explosives.What you may not have heard is how long it took them to come out with a name for the film. For some reason, they were torn between the simple “John Rambo,” the overdone “To Hell and Back,” and a handful of other ridiculous names. Here are a few Rambo IV titles that didn’t make the cut.
REJECTED MOVIE TITLES FOR RAMBO IV
Rambo IV: The Revenge of Old Feller
Rambo IV: Viva Sylvestra
Rambo IV: Last Blood
Rambo IV: Arthritic Bugaloo
Rambo IV: Cashing In Again
Rambo IV: Headband of Brothers
Rambo IV: I Make Dead People
Rambo IV: For Shoots and Giggles
Rambo IV: Trail of Senility
Rambo IV: The Old Man and the Jungle
Rambo IV: Geritol to Hell!
MAKING FACES AT THE PHOTOSHOPPING MALL
In case you weren't aware, I am the Creative Director at an advertising agency. It's not a bad gig most days. It's my job to direct creative, which means spotting talent when I see it, and making people go back to the drawing board when I don't. Since I came up on the copy side, which is writing-based, it never ceases to amaze me what creative people can do with some of these design programs. A friend of mine forwarded me the following pictures this morning with the subject line: When your daddy is a graphic designer.
Love the photo manipulation here. Just had to share as we all recover from our Halloween hangovers. Great stuff. Thanks, JB!
It all starts with the original shot. Helps to have something with a little attitude to it, like this one, which is a great shot without any touch-up work at all.
Then the fun starts. All you need is the right software, a vivid imagination, and a little free time.
Love the photo manipulation here. Just had to share as we all recover from our Halloween hangovers. Great stuff. Thanks, JB!
It all starts with the original shot. Helps to have something with a little attitude to it, like this one, which is a great shot without any touch-up work at all. Then the fun starts. All you need is the right software, a vivid imagination, and a little free time.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
COSTUME OF THE YEAR
And the winner is...the chap who dressed up as You Tube. Fuckin' A awesome right down to the comments. Imagination rules.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
CROC HUNTER
I've been directed to this guy's site a number of times in the past and have always enjoyed my stay. I'm fairly convinced he is me - 10 years ago. Still has some fight in him. Still has an edge.
My edge has dulled over the years. I've been reduced to a sorry state of kvetching. I used to have spunk. I used to rant and rave about senselessness and the social ills of our day. Now I just throw my arms up and say, "What are ya gonna do?"
Anyhow, here's a professional bitch-master after my own heart.
For the record - I hate Crocs, too.
My edge has dulled over the years. I've been reduced to a sorry state of kvetching. I used to have spunk. I used to rant and rave about senselessness and the social ills of our day. Now I just throw my arms up and say, "What are ya gonna do?"
Anyhow, here's a professional bitch-master after my own heart.
For the record - I hate Crocs, too.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
INTERVIEW WITH A PRIMATE
The following excerpts are from an interview I recently conducted with myself. I was quite saucy that day!
********TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2007***********
Q: What time do you normally get up?
A: At 7:07 I get up – and nothing gets me down. You got it tough? I’ve seen the toughest around.
Q: Van Halen. Nice. So - if you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be with?
A: Who's paying? I don't know. People don't really impress me. Plus, I'm an introvert - so I wouldn't have much to say to someone I don't already know personally.
Q: Gold or silver?
A: My teeth are all still their original white. Although I have been promising my girlfriend a new grill. Let's go silver on that.
Q: What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
A: I don't remember, but I know I'm still paying off the second mortgage I had to take out on my house to pay for it. No wonder the box office is hurting.
Q: What is your favorite TV show?
A: I have three, actually. The Office, Lost, and Survivor. I move heaven and earth to clear my schedule for them.
Q: What did you have for breakfast?
A: A big bowl of oxygen soup. I usually drink coffee for breakfast. Lots of coffee. And then I chase that with water until I'm ready to squeeze mud.
Q: Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
A: That's a toss up between Sean Hannity and a well-wired suicide bomber. Let's go with the latter - I'd have better luck reasoning with a suicidal extremist than that narrow-minded Neanderthal.
Q: What/who inspires you?
A: A really good crap. Every time. Seems all of my best ideas seem to come to me on the toilet.
Q: What is your middle name?
A: I don’t tell anyone that it’s Valentine. That's just between you and me, by the way, and off the record. Seriously. Don't print that.
Q: Beach, City or Country?
A: City, of course. It’s the only way to have an appreciation for the other two.
Q: Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
A: Load on the butter and salt. All old people seem to do is bitch about how miserable they are - sign me up for the express check-out.
Q: Favorite color?
A: I don’t consciously practice discrimination. I think I gravitate toward green, though.
Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: I don’t see how that is germane to this conversation.
Q: Favorite sandwich?
A: Italian Beef combo, dipped, with hot and sweet peppers, and smothered in melted mozzarella. Can I get cheese fries and a root beer with that?
Q: What characteristic do you despise?
A: Resolve. When you’re in a hole, the best thing to do is stop digging.
Q: Do you have a favorite flower?
A: De-
Q: If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: Did you catch the joke about the flower? De-. Get it?
Q: Noted. So if you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: La Grange. No, scratch that. I’ve been to La Grange. It’s okay. I would like to see the UK, Australia, and Iceland. And Bermuda once they get that triangle issue worked out.
Q: What color is your bathroom?
A: You seriously did not just ask me that. Antique white, I think. Funny I would know that.
Q: Favorite brand of clothing?
A: If it fits, I dig it. I'm really more into shoes than clothes. A great set of wheels can really bring the ensemble together, don't you think?
Q: Where would you retire to?
A: The couch. Love the couch.
Q: Favorite day of the week?
A: Does anyone ever pick Tuesday? I should pick Tuesday just because no one ever picks Tuesday. But that would be a lie. I hate Tuesdays. Saturday is clearly the best day. What kind of question is that? Someone needs to take your interview card away. Do they even certify people like you?
Q: Not exactly. So what did you do for your last birthday?
A: Probably went drinking, but who keeps track anymore? Really.
Q: Where were you born?
A: Memories surrounding my birth are sketchy, but I seem to recall it was a hospital.
Q: Favorite sport to watch?
A: ESPN seems to think Texas Hold ‘Em is a sport now and I do enjoy watching it…but nothing beats NFL Football. March Madness rocks, too. I tried watching soccer once since they made such a fuss about this Beckham character, but it was like receiving a really slow handjob - mildly enjoyable, but I wasn't sure if anything was ever going to happen. And then ultimately I fell asleep. So there you go.
Q: Coke or Pepsi?
A: I avoid both, actually. I once read that carbonation isn't good for your swimmers and I've been off the stuff ever since. Plus, it all tastes the same to me. I’m not particular in the least when it comes to elastic goods like milk, soda, and cheap domestic beer. I think the Pepsi Challenge proved that most people can't tell the difference, anyhow - even after stating a strong preference. We love to think we know, don't we? We insist we like one better. But we really don't know. The fact that we even have a choice is a beautiful thing, though. We shouldn't take that for granted.
Q: Are you a morning person or a night owl?
A: I’m best between 9-11 in the morning and get a second wind between 5-7 at night. The rest of the day I’m a nap waiting to happen. I could fall asleep right now, actually.
Q: Do you have any pets?
A: No pets...but I do have a lot of pet peeves. Like jackasses who turn suddenly without signaling. I always imagine accelerating through the back of their car as they're winding slowly through the turn. Signaling is fundamental.
Q: Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
A: I’m 6 months pregnant with a great idea. The doctor offered to tell me what it was but I told him I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m very excited to see how this idea changes my life.
********TUESDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2007***********
Q: What time do you normally get up?
A: At 7:07 I get up – and nothing gets me down. You got it tough? I’ve seen the toughest around.
Q: Van Halen. Nice. So - if you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be with?
A: Who's paying? I don't know. People don't really impress me. Plus, I'm an introvert - so I wouldn't have much to say to someone I don't already know personally.
Q: Gold or silver?
A: My teeth are all still their original white. Although I have been promising my girlfriend a new grill. Let's go silver on that.
Q: What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
A: I don't remember, but I know I'm still paying off the second mortgage I had to take out on my house to pay for it. No wonder the box office is hurting.
Q: What is your favorite TV show?
A: I have three, actually. The Office, Lost, and Survivor. I move heaven and earth to clear my schedule for them.
Q: What did you have for breakfast?
A: A big bowl of oxygen soup. I usually drink coffee for breakfast. Lots of coffee. And then I chase that with water until I'm ready to squeeze mud.
Q: Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with?
A: That's a toss up between Sean Hannity and a well-wired suicide bomber. Let's go with the latter - I'd have better luck reasoning with a suicidal extremist than that narrow-minded Neanderthal.
Q: What/who inspires you?
A: A really good crap. Every time. Seems all of my best ideas seem to come to me on the toilet.
Q: What is your middle name?
A: I don’t tell anyone that it’s Valentine. That's just between you and me, by the way, and off the record. Seriously. Don't print that.
Q: Beach, City or Country?
A: City, of course. It’s the only way to have an appreciation for the other two.
Q: Butter, plain or salted popcorn?
A: Load on the butter and salt. All old people seem to do is bitch about how miserable they are - sign me up for the express check-out.
Q: Favorite color?
A: I don’t consciously practice discrimination. I think I gravitate toward green, though.
Q: What kind of car do you drive?
A: I don’t see how that is germane to this conversation.
Q: Favorite sandwich?
A: Italian Beef combo, dipped, with hot and sweet peppers, and smothered in melted mozzarella. Can I get cheese fries and a root beer with that?
Q: What characteristic do you despise?
A: Resolve. When you’re in a hole, the best thing to do is stop digging.
Q: Do you have a favorite flower?
A: De-
Q: If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: Did you catch the joke about the flower? De-. Get it?
Q: Noted. So if you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
A: La Grange. No, scratch that. I’ve been to La Grange. It’s okay. I would like to see the UK, Australia, and Iceland. And Bermuda once they get that triangle issue worked out.
Q: What color is your bathroom?
A: You seriously did not just ask me that. Antique white, I think. Funny I would know that.
Q: Favorite brand of clothing?
A: If it fits, I dig it. I'm really more into shoes than clothes. A great set of wheels can really bring the ensemble together, don't you think?
Q: Where would you retire to?
A: The couch. Love the couch.
Q: Favorite day of the week?
A: Does anyone ever pick Tuesday? I should pick Tuesday just because no one ever picks Tuesday. But that would be a lie. I hate Tuesdays. Saturday is clearly the best day. What kind of question is that? Someone needs to take your interview card away. Do they even certify people like you?
Q: Not exactly. So what did you do for your last birthday?
A: Probably went drinking, but who keeps track anymore? Really.
Q: Where were you born?
A: Memories surrounding my birth are sketchy, but I seem to recall it was a hospital.
Q: Favorite sport to watch?
A: ESPN seems to think Texas Hold ‘Em is a sport now and I do enjoy watching it…but nothing beats NFL Football. March Madness rocks, too. I tried watching soccer once since they made such a fuss about this Beckham character, but it was like receiving a really slow handjob - mildly enjoyable, but I wasn't sure if anything was ever going to happen. And then ultimately I fell asleep. So there you go.
Q: Coke or Pepsi?
A: I avoid both, actually. I once read that carbonation isn't good for your swimmers and I've been off the stuff ever since. Plus, it all tastes the same to me. I’m not particular in the least when it comes to elastic goods like milk, soda, and cheap domestic beer. I think the Pepsi Challenge proved that most people can't tell the difference, anyhow - even after stating a strong preference. We love to think we know, don't we? We insist we like one better. But we really don't know. The fact that we even have a choice is a beautiful thing, though. We shouldn't take that for granted.
Q: Are you a morning person or a night owl?
A: I’m best between 9-11 in the morning and get a second wind between 5-7 at night. The rest of the day I’m a nap waiting to happen. I could fall asleep right now, actually.
Q: Do you have any pets?
A: No pets...but I do have a lot of pet peeves. Like jackasses who turn suddenly without signaling. I always imagine accelerating through the back of their car as they're winding slowly through the turn. Signaling is fundamental.
Q: Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
A: I’m 6 months pregnant with a great idea. The doctor offered to tell me what it was but I told him I wanted it to be a surprise. I’m very excited to see how this idea changes my life.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
POLLARY CLINTON AND THE NEO-CONSPIRACY
Contrary to what you may have been hearing, Hillary Clinton does NOT have a 33-point advantage over her Democratic rivals for President.
Now there’s a bold statement.
I submit to you that this reported “news” is simply untrue - a fabrication foisted upon the unknowing masses by a neo-conservative media machine responsible for parsing out information in the interest of steering us toward war with Iran, Syria, North Korea, Mars, and Mercury. In case you’re new to politics, the same neo-cons behind the Bush II debacle ADORE Hillary. She’s like ordering up a round of cold Bush Light.
How can I make these bold assertions without any facts to back them up? Fortunately, one of the few freedoms I have left as we wind down Bush’s “reign of error” is the freedom of speech. I can make these claims on suspicion alone because this is a forum for sharing ideas, a basic right (at least as of this morning) still protected by the First Amendment.
Want proof that I’m right? Do a little impromptu research. Ask around. I know a LOT of people. Different people in different states. People who know people. And I have a hard time finding ANY people willing to admit they are planning to vote for Hillary. What I don’t find hard to come across are people who loathe her with every fiber of their being. Democrats, Republicans, and Independents alike. It’s actually been easier to find people who will admit to voting for Bush than people supporting Hillary. That’s saying something.
So where does her insurmountable 33-point lead come from? Are they conducting these polls exclusively in upstate New York? With a lead like that, one might expect to see highways from coast to coast overrun with “Hillary ’08” bumper clings. But here I live in the nation’s third largest metropolitan area and I see virtually no evidence of any support for Hillary anywhere. And she’s FROM here. The people I know – people who vote Democratic more reliably than Britney ends up in rehab – tell me they’ll vote for anyone but Hillary.
Obviously, my personal findings weren’t meshing with the hard numbers, so it forced me to come up with some possible reasons for this. One theory is that people who are planning to vote for Hillary are afraid to tell their friends because they would prefer to keep their friends. Let’s face it – she’s a lightning rod. No one wants to come near her politically. And yet a 33-point lead suggests people are falling all over one another to profess their admiration for her. I think there’s something else going on: poll-fixing.
It certainly does sound far-fetched to suggest that polling data has been misrepresented, or our news so audaciously manufactured. But we know that information in this country is controlled by a few powerful media machines in the business of selling fear, fads, and fashion. So is it REALLY out of the realm of possibility that a handful of powerful decision-makers at the top of the media chain directed a few people behind closed doors to cook the numbers a little to make Hillary’s nomination seem inevitable?
Think about what that lead does to the psyche of your average voter.
Seeing a lead so formidable makes me feel like voting for anyone else would be a waste of my time. And since I’d sooner castrate myself with a butter knife than punch for Hillarobot, the net result is voter apathy. I stay home that night and watch the massacre from the comfort of my couch. The media machine wins.
Look where the money has been coming from. Hillary is loading up on lobby cash. You name the lobby, there’s a cashed check somewhere with her campaign’s stamp on it. Edwards and Obama, meanwhile, have been raising their money from working people who want to see a change in government – not the same corporate-controlled bullshit we’re used to. Takes a lot more people to raise the same amount of money, and a lot more integrity.
Who do you think has a better chance of getting Clinton’s ear were she to be elected – you? Or the lobbyists who put her in office? Why do you think she feels obligated to take all of that campaign cash from lobbyists? Because she doesn’t have the grass roots support. Which brings us back to that 33-point lead. How could Obama possibly be that far behind given that he’s broken virtually every grass roots fundraising record on the books? Seems to me the only way to prevent him from winning with support like that is to prevent his network from voting, and the best way to do that is to make sure they believe they’re so far behind they’d never stand a chance.
A 33-point deficit is a good start.
So why would neo-conservatives love Hillary? Think outside the box here. Their idea of fun is keeping the military industrial complex humming, so they need someone in office steadfastly dedicated to keeping the 21st century Crusades alive. With popular support for Republicans (and Democrats unwilling to take them on) reeling, the best shot they’ve got is a weak opponent. And, believe it or not, despite her whopping “33-point” lead, Hillary is probably the only Democrat in the field capable of losing to fear-mongering morons like Giuliani and “sharp as a catcher’s mitt” Romney.
But let’s say she manages to beat the odds. Let’s say the Republican nominee commits some catastrophic blunder on the campaign trail, accidentally advocating a solution with some semblance of common sense and decency. And let’s say they are promptly alienated by the holier than Yao Christian right as a result. BAM – Hillary wins by 7 votes. And so do the neo-cons – because, of all the Democrats running, she’s the one candidate most likely to continue the policy positions of the current administration. Bush Light.
Let’s recap. Not only did Clinton vote in favor of the Iraq war, she refuses to concede now that it may not have been the best idea. Further, she refuses to commit to pulling U.S. troops from Iraq by 2013! Rumsfeld would be proud of old girl.
More scary facts for your files. Hillary Clinton voted for the Patriot Act, and then, once it was revealed how its language undermined the basic freedoms we had been guaranteed under the Constitution, she voted in favor of reauthorizing it. She also voted for building a wall on the U.S.-Mexican border. She voted to enforce "decency" standards in television and music. And the one that kills me personally is her most recent vote on the Kyl-Lieberman Amendment, giving the Bush administration authority to declare Iran’s 125,000-member Revolutionary Guard Corps a foreign terrorist organization. Why is this amendment so dangerous? Because President Cheney and Vice President Bush could use its language to justify keeping our troops in Iraq so long as they can point to a threat from Iran. They could even use this language to justify an attack on Iran as a part of the ongoing war in Iraq. It’s another step down the path toward expanding our war in the Middle East. Obama did not support it. Edwards did not support it. Hillary supported it. Look at the voting record. Not exactly the kind of change we're looking for.
I wonder if her “33-point” lead realizes what it’s supporting. I can’t imagine THAT many Democrats would prefer our nation continue to pursue these failed policies when the balance of our alternatives is pitching a far more sincere brand of change. Again, it forces me to doubt that 33-point lead.
They can sell it on the evening news every night of the week, but I'm just not buying it.
Now there’s a bold statement.
I submit to you that this reported “news” is simply untrue - a fabrication foisted upon the unknowing masses by a neo-conservative media machine responsible for parsing out information in the interest of steering us toward war with Iran, Syria, North Korea, Mars, and Mercury. In case you’re new to politics, the same neo-cons behind the Bush II debacle ADORE Hillary. She’s like ordering up a round of cold Bush Light.
How can I make these bold assertions without any facts to back them up? Fortunately, one of the few freedoms I have left as we wind down Bush’s “reign of error” is the freedom of speech. I can make these claims on suspicion alone because this is a forum for sharing ideas, a basic right (at least as of this morning) still protected by the First Amendment.
Want proof that I’m right? Do a little impromptu research. Ask around. I know a LOT of people. Different people in different states. People who know people. And I have a hard time finding ANY people willing to admit they are planning to vote for Hillary. What I don’t find hard to come across are people who loathe her with every fiber of their being. Democrats, Republicans, and Independents alike. It’s actually been easier to find people who will admit to voting for Bush than people supporting Hillary. That’s saying something.
So where does her insurmountable 33-point lead come from? Are they conducting these polls exclusively in upstate New York? With a lead like that, one might expect to see highways from coast to coast overrun with “Hillary ’08” bumper clings. But here I live in the nation’s third largest metropolitan area and I see virtually no evidence of any support for Hillary anywhere. And she’s FROM here. The people I know – people who vote Democratic more reliably than Britney ends up in rehab – tell me they’ll vote for anyone but Hillary. Obviously, my personal findings weren’t meshing with the hard numbers, so it forced me to come up with some possible reasons for this. One theory is that people who are planning to vote for Hillary are afraid to tell their friends because they would prefer to keep their friends. Let’s face it – she’s a lightning rod. No one wants to come near her politically. And yet a 33-point lead suggests people are falling all over one another to profess their admiration for her. I think there’s something else going on: poll-fixing.
It certainly does sound far-fetched to suggest that polling data has been misrepresented, or our news so audaciously manufactured. But we know that information in this country is controlled by a few powerful media machines in the business of selling fear, fads, and fashion. So is it REALLY out of the realm of possibility that a handful of powerful decision-makers at the top of the media chain directed a few people behind closed doors to cook the numbers a little to make Hillary’s nomination seem inevitable?
Think about what that lead does to the psyche of your average voter.
Seeing a lead so formidable makes me feel like voting for anyone else would be a waste of my time. And since I’d sooner castrate myself with a butter knife than punch for Hillarobot, the net result is voter apathy. I stay home that night and watch the massacre from the comfort of my couch. The media machine wins.
Look where the money has been coming from. Hillary is loading up on lobby cash. You name the lobby, there’s a cashed check somewhere with her campaign’s stamp on it. Edwards and Obama, meanwhile, have been raising their money from working people who want to see a change in government – not the same corporate-controlled bullshit we’re used to. Takes a lot more people to raise the same amount of money, and a lot more integrity.
Who do you think has a better chance of getting Clinton’s ear were she to be elected – you? Or the lobbyists who put her in office? Why do you think she feels obligated to take all of that campaign cash from lobbyists? Because she doesn’t have the grass roots support. Which brings us back to that 33-point lead. How could Obama possibly be that far behind given that he’s broken virtually every grass roots fundraising record on the books? Seems to me the only way to prevent him from winning with support like that is to prevent his network from voting, and the best way to do that is to make sure they believe they’re so far behind they’d never stand a chance.
A 33-point deficit is a good start.
So why would neo-conservatives love Hillary? Think outside the box here. Their idea of fun is keeping the military industrial complex humming, so they need someone in office steadfastly dedicated to keeping the 21st century Crusades alive. With popular support for Republicans (and Democrats unwilling to take them on) reeling, the best shot they’ve got is a weak opponent. And, believe it or not, despite her whopping “33-point” lead, Hillary is probably the only Democrat in the field capable of losing to fear-mongering morons like Giuliani and “sharp as a catcher’s mitt” Romney.
But let’s say she manages to beat the odds. Let’s say the Republican nominee commits some catastrophic blunder on the campaign trail, accidentally advocating a solution with some semblance of common sense and decency. And let’s say they are promptly alienated by the holier than Yao Christian right as a result. BAM – Hillary wins by 7 votes. And so do the neo-cons – because, of all the Democrats running, she’s the one candidate most likely to continue the policy positions of the current administration. Bush Light.
Let’s recap. Not only did Clinton vote in favor of the Iraq war, she refuses to concede now that it may not have been the best idea. Further, she refuses to commit to pulling U.S. troops from Iraq by 2013! Rumsfeld would be proud of old girl.More scary facts for your files. Hillary Clinton voted for the Patriot Act, and then, once it was revealed how its language undermined the basic freedoms we had been guaranteed under the Constitution, she voted in favor of reauthorizing it. She also voted for building a wall on the U.S.-Mexican border. She voted to enforce "decency" standards in television and music. And the one that kills me personally is her most recent vote on the Kyl-Lieberman Amendment, giving the Bush administration authority to declare Iran’s 125,000-member Revolutionary Guard Corps a foreign terrorist organization. Why is this amendment so dangerous? Because President Cheney and Vice President Bush could use its language to justify keeping our troops in Iraq so long as they can point to a threat from Iran. They could even use this language to justify an attack on Iran as a part of the ongoing war in Iraq. It’s another step down the path toward expanding our war in the Middle East. Obama did not support it. Edwards did not support it. Hillary supported it. Look at the voting record. Not exactly the kind of change we're looking for.
I wonder if her “33-point” lead realizes what it’s supporting. I can’t imagine THAT many Democrats would prefer our nation continue to pursue these failed policies when the balance of our alternatives is pitching a far more sincere brand of change. Again, it forces me to doubt that 33-point lead.
They can sell it on the evening news every night of the week, but I'm just not buying it.
Monday, October 22, 2007
THE GREENLIGHT
Want to do something for the environment? Don't just change your light bulbs, change your leaders. Great article from Thomas Friedman, author of "The World is Flat," about how all the individual steps we take from recycling to conservation mean very little unless we choose leaders equally committed to making a difference.
HEADS UP!
I would never advocate suicide, but if you WERE going to kill yourself, this is the way to go out.
BASELESS CHARGES
Check this shit out. Ecuador's President, Rafael Correa, said his country will not renew Washington's lease on the Manta air base, which is set to expire in 2009. Anticipating pressure from the U.S., Manta had this to say:
"We'll renew the base on one condition: that they let us put a base in Miami -- an Ecuadorean base."
I love it. We can have an air base in their country if they can have an air base in ours. It isn't all that unreasonable, is it?
Is it anti-American of me to love that? Because I REALLY love it. It does sadden me as well. There was a time when nations around the globe actually appreciated us. Now these same countries resent us more than they trust us - and that's pretty fucking sad. I have to say - I don't blame them. I resent us more than I trust us right now with the Viva Viagra clan running the show. That doesn't make me anti-American...just pro-human.
NOT SUCH A GRATE IDEA
Everyone is up in arms about the toys we're importing from China being unsafe. Whatever. A little lead-based paint will put hair on your chest.I'm more concerned about the toys they're making in Wisconsin. This fancy slide was recalled after the first 10 were installed.
Grate ideas always get ripped to shreds, don't they?
Thursday, October 18, 2007
MY WORD!
Here's an addictive vocabulary tester you can play and help feed the world at the same time. Try to beat my high score of 44.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
BOMBERMAN, START!
Every time I think Bush has completely lost his mind, he proves he had just a little bit left to lose. The evidence continues to mount that an attack on Iran is imminent. G-Dubs was pounding his war gong loud and clear at today's press conference where he declared that if Iran continues its nuclear program, it is essentially starting World War III. Yes, my fellow Americans, George Bush threatened World War III today. I think I can hear Ozzy cackling somewhere: "All aboard!"
We're definitely headed off the rails on a crazy train. Dubya's war fetish is far worse than Hoover's cross-dressing tendencies ever were. And almost as expensive. There's simply no longer any defense left for the man. He's off the charts out of his fucking mind. It makes me seriously question the intelligence of anyone still making excuses for his policies - all of the brainwashed lemmings unwilling or unable to remove their blindfolds as the lying piper leads us all off the cliff.
Is there anything we can do to prevent the inevitable? Or are we truly paralyzed and helpless? Democrats will badmouth the President to the press over and over again - but when it comes time to pass a war budget, they line up and sign on the line that is dotted. There's dissent coming from every corner of the globe and every state in the nation. Yet a handful of powerful neoconservatives have managed to hijack America and they are now driving all of us, hostages in our own country, to the brink of yet another war we don't want and can't afford. This is absolute madness - and if you aren't outraged, you haven't been paying attention.
The writing is on the wall, and it's in the broken English of a bumbling American dictator.
NOTES ON BEING, ON TIME
Sometimes, in my private moments, I find myself speculating about really important things. Not things about me and my insignificant little life here in a small section of a big city in the middle of a large country that's part of a much bigger world - but important things. Like how to tell time in space.
Thinking about it made my head hurt.
Let’s say you’re floating about in space. Maybe you’re flying in a ship of some kind, or taking a nice, relaxing float in the tightly swaddled comfort of a boundless, black cosmos.
Whatever.
Now let’s say your watch stops. Batteries die or something. You tap it a few times, but nothing. It's done. Digital instrumentation and communications with mission control back on earth would help you keep track, but what if those too failed. What if you're out there and you have no idea what time it is. Does time even matter? And if it doesn't really matter out there, does it really matter down here?
Imagine being alone in space. Time as you know it would come to mean less and less. Sunrise and sunset really don’t apply in the way that they do now. Way out in deep space you’re surrounded by tons of flickering little specks – none quite so helpful as our own flickering little speck, the sun, at giving us the time. So drifting about in space, I imagine, isn’t a whole lot unlike spending a week inside a casino…minus the clanging jackpots and flashing lights.
No clocks. No windows to the sun. No sense for time at all. Just two hands in front of you and a laundry list of biological needs and urges.
And that’s when it dawned on me. Time as we know it – the 24-hour cycle we have neatly broken up into morning, afternoon, and night – is irrelevant in space!
Of course, we would still experience the linear passing of time from now to now-again-but-later to now-again-but-later-than-later, and so on. But without a clock or a sun to set and keep time by, there would be no way (or need) to schedule anything. No meetings to miss. No appointments to keep. No dates to circle on the calendar.
Because there's nothing to keep track of passing time. Even talking in terms of the increments we use today would be pointless. Seconds, minutes, and hours are all derived from a 24-hour day, which only matters here on earth. Out in space, everything is now or never. What is natural here becomes synthetic and man-made as soon as you leave orbit.
***
Interestingly, a recent 60 Minutes report on an indigenous tribe in the south Pacific made note of the fascinating fact that the natives did not have a word in their language equivalent to our word for “when.” They had no need for one because they don't project things out in time. Everything is now. They don’t experience time in the same way that those of us in the hustling, bustling “civilized” world do. Marooned in space, they’d probably far a lot better than we would.
I’d go insane. I am all about time. It drives me up a wall to be late to anything. I would rather be an hour early than a minute late. Wow. Read that again, will ya. Seeing that in print made me realize that maybe I already AM insane. And maybe my relationship with clocks has made me so.
So here I am, thinking about very important things, and I just realized how much time I’ve spent doing it. Was it too much time? Too little? Just enough? I guess when I put things in perspective and remember that I’m really just floating around in space on a spinning chunk of matter, time isn’t the important thing.
The important thing is that I’m floating around in space on a spinning chunk of matter.
And that's pretty cool.
FUN AND GAMES
Just in time for Halloween, here's a great time-waster called Cat Bowling. Entertaining and addictive. Start a league at work and cackle with delight with every pumpkin toss.
PRIMARY SCHOOL
So you're weighing your Presidential options and thinking, this sucks, I'm surrounded by Democratic milquetoasts and Republican war mongers. You don't want another bought-and-paid-for corporate sponsored politician to do the bidding of big business, catering to the very same lobbies currently running our country, from AIPAC to the American oil cartel. You don't want 9/11 profiteers, scarecrows or sissy-ass pander bears. You just want a
If I didn't feel obligated to vote against our nation's growing bureaucratic machine (Hillary) in the February Primary, I'd likely register as a Republican and vote for Ron Paul. He's the Republican version of Dennis Kucinich and only Republican candidate for President with testicles.
Seriously. If you're voting Republican, he's the only one who upholds the true values the party was built upon. He's the only one who understands the consequences of our foreign policy decisions (You Tube recent debates for evidence of this scary fact and pay special attention to the things that come out of Giuliani's mouth). And when he's alone in a room with Mitt Romney, he's the only one with an IQ over 80.
Given the lackluster crop of candidates we're stuck with, the dream card for the general would be a Kucinich-Paul smackdown - America couldn't lose either way. Not even the poised optimist, Obama, can take down Hillary's lobby money, so Dennis is out. But Ron Paul may have a shot yet. Give him a look.
If I didn't feel obligated to vote against our nation's growing bureaucratic machine (Hillary) in the February Primary, I'd likely register as a Republican and vote for Ron Paul. He's the Republican version of Dennis Kucinich and only Republican candidate for President with testicles.
Seriously. If you're voting Republican, he's the only one who upholds the true values the party was built upon. He's the only one who understands the consequences of our foreign policy decisions (You Tube recent debates for evidence of this scary fact and pay special attention to the things that come out of Giuliani's mouth). And when he's alone in a room with Mitt Romney, he's the only one with an IQ over 80.
Given the lackluster crop of candidates we're stuck with, the dream card for the general would be a Kucinich-Paul smackdown - America couldn't lose either way. Not even the poised optimist, Obama, can take down Hillary's lobby money, so Dennis is out. But Ron Paul may have a shot yet. Give him a look.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
LOST IN TRANSLATION
Thanks to Steve for sharing this lovely reminder that men are not very good with the phone.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
ABHORRTION
FYI.
The World Health Organization just released the results of a study on abortion rates worldwide and they reveal perhaps the single greatest defense for keeping the controversial practice legal.
According to the study, abortion rates in countries where the procedure is legal are similar to countries where it is not. The conclusion is that outlawing abortion has little to no effect on human behavior. There are some things that can't be legislated, and abortion is one of them. In other words, where there is a will, there is a way.
While the numbers may not provide a compelling moral defense for legality, they do offer a practical one. If it is the ultimate intention of law to control human behavior, and this law does not, then there is no point to having the law. There is, on the other hand, a compelling reason NOT to have it. According to the same study, while abortion rates are similar across countries regardless of legality, the safety of the procedures varies widely and is considered far more dangerous and deadly in countries where it is outlawed.
The net is that banning abortion does not result in significantly fewer people getting them, but it does result in more people dying in the process. If we want to prevent people from getting abortions, a more practical, effective, and SAFER approach is preventing them from getting pregnant in the first place.
The World Health Organization just released the results of a study on abortion rates worldwide and they reveal perhaps the single greatest defense for keeping the controversial practice legal.
According to the study, abortion rates in countries where the procedure is legal are similar to countries where it is not. The conclusion is that outlawing abortion has little to no effect on human behavior. There are some things that can't be legislated, and abortion is one of them. In other words, where there is a will, there is a way.
While the numbers may not provide a compelling moral defense for legality, they do offer a practical one. If it is the ultimate intention of law to control human behavior, and this law does not, then there is no point to having the law. There is, on the other hand, a compelling reason NOT to have it. According to the same study, while abortion rates are similar across countries regardless of legality, the safety of the procedures varies widely and is considered far more dangerous and deadly in countries where it is outlawed.
The net is that banning abortion does not result in significantly fewer people getting them, but it does result in more people dying in the process. If we want to prevent people from getting abortions, a more practical, effective, and SAFER approach is preventing them from getting pregnant in the first place.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
THE TRIANGLE OF TRUTH
We try explaining this to our clients all the time and they just don't seem to get it.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
LITTERBUG SHUTTERBUG
This has got to be the trashiest art I have ever seen. Amazing what you can find in the garbage.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
SAM HARRIS IS A GOD TO ATHEISTS
"Mormonism, it seems to me, is—objectively—just a little more idiotic than Christianity is. It has to be: because it is Christianity plus some very stupid ideas. For instance, the Mormons think Jesus is going to return to earth and administer his Thousand years of Peace, at least part of the time, from the state of Missouri. Why does this make Mormonism less likely to be true than Christianity? Because whatever probability you assign to Jesus’ coming back, you have to assign a lesser probability to his coming back and keeping a summer home in Jackson County, Missouri. If Mitt Romney wants to be the next President of the United States, he should be made to feel the burden of our incredulity. We can make common cause with our Christian brothers and sisters on this point. Just what does the man believe? The world should know. And it is almost guaranteed to be embarrassing even to most people who believe in the biblical God."
Plenty more good stuff where this came from here.
Love the way this guy makes words dance on a page.
Plenty more good stuff where this came from here.
Love the way this guy makes words dance on a page.
WHERE DID PEOPLE COME FROM?
The people ask:
"Where did people come from? If there was Adam and Eve, their son Cain...who killed Abel....where do all of us come from? I hear incest....however the Bible does not cover this topic, it skips around the whole whom begat whom..."
AYNtK to the rescue:
That's because the Bible is full of stories. The truth is we came from monkeys. I know there is, has been, and will always be endless debate about this, but many believe that the stories in the Bible were not meant to be taken literally for the very reason you pointed out. There would have been a lot of incest at the top of our family tree. Doesn't seem biologically feasible, does it?
Some think it's a better idea to take the stories in the Bible as a moral guide and to use them to live a productive, meaningful, happy life. And leave questions regarding our origin to the scientists who will tell you that, without question, our ACTUAL ancestors were swinging in trees long before Adam and Eve took a stroll in the garden...
"Where did people come from? If there was Adam and Eve, their son Cain...who killed Abel....where do all of us come from? I hear incest....however the Bible does not cover this topic, it skips around the whole whom begat whom..."
AYNtK to the rescue:That's because the Bible is full of stories. The truth is we came from monkeys. I know there is, has been, and will always be endless debate about this, but many believe that the stories in the Bible were not meant to be taken literally for the very reason you pointed out. There would have been a lot of incest at the top of our family tree. Doesn't seem biologically feasible, does it?
Some think it's a better idea to take the stories in the Bible as a moral guide and to use them to live a productive, meaningful, happy life. And leave questions regarding our origin to the scientists who will tell you that, without question, our ACTUAL ancestors were swinging in trees long before Adam and Eve took a stroll in the garden...
MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE
Despite the best efforts of the mainstream media to crown Hillary queen of the Democratic Party, I am sticking to the game plan: out with the same old, in with the new. It’s time to bring this dizzying Bush-Clinton-Clinton-Bush-Bush-Clinton merry-go-round to a screeching halt, my friends. Enough of these pandering, two-faced, bought-and-paid-for puppets!
As someone who thinks this country needs to crank the steering wheel hard left, I’d strongly advise Hillarians to review and consider their alternatives if they want to see a Democrat in the White House come 2008. Seriously. I warned people about nominating Al Gore in 2000. He didn’t appeal to the monkeys in the middle – and national elections are all about the monkeys in the middle.
Let me explain.
You’ve got 20% of the left-wing monkeys swinging on the left side and 20% of the right-wing monkeys swinging on the right side. And then you've got a big monkeypile where the rest of us are going apeshit in the middle. The monkeys on the left and the right balance each other out – so it’s really the monkeys in the middle who decide. We’re also called swing voters, as it happens.
It’s important to understand simian psychology when electing our leaders. The monkeypile doesn’t just vote for people they like…they vote AGAINST people they don’t like. That’s how Al Gore narrowly won the election in 2000, and was narrowly defeated in the process. Too many monkeys in the middle voted against him. We kept swinging back and forth in the polls, but when we stepped into the booth to decide, we just couldn’t go with someone we couldn’t stand. So we swung the other way. That’s the business of monkeys - we swing.
Hillary has the same problem. She only appeals to the 20% of monkeys on the left. Monkeys in the middle go bananas just thinking about her. I actually start flinging feces at my television whenever she’s on it, which is not easy to clean up depending on what I ate. So if you plan to vote in the Democratic Primary, just be aware that a vote for Hillary is basically a vote against the Democratic Party in the general election.
To avoid another electoral fiasco, smart Democrats will look to nominate someone who isn’t loathed by nearly half the American people. I’m just one monkey in the middle, but I’m personally keen on Obama, whose popular support continues to swell. Hillary did outraise him in Q3 thanks to more big money from big donors with big interests in big business and much bigger government. But Obama continues drawing record support from little people with big hearts; people whose votes count the same as the people playing Clintonopoly.
Why Obama? For one, he's inherently likable - blessed with the gift of charisma…something Hillary may have accidentally bumped into once at a fundraiser, but never really got to know. Once people listen to him and find out what he’s all about, they can’t help but root for the guy. He has an infectious presence. He’s smart, pragmatic, and optimistic – everything our current President is not (which is a great start, don’t you think?).
The only knock you’ll hear is the ridiculous assertion (from the Clinton camp, primarily) that, somehow, he lacks the "experience" required to be an effective leader. Excuse me while I hurl turds at this preposterous suggestion. Since when did “Years in Washington” become a prerequisite for President? Given Congress’s record-low 11% approval rating, I’d wager the monkeys in the middle may be looking for a leader who HASN’T spent a whole lot of time in Washington. Further, if experience IS what you’re looking for, then it’s important to note that Obama has actually held elected office longer than Capitol Hillary. (Yes, really) He’s passed more bills and has been in public service for over two decades. Hillary, meanwhile, was busily inventing right-wing conspiracies and covering up shady land deals – also relevant experience in Washington, but not exactly the kind that inspires people to action.
In American politics, it's all about getting the monkey in the middle to swing your way. I'm sticking with the plan: out with the same old, in with the new. And if the masses insist on Hillary, I'll be flinging lots of poo.
As someone who thinks this country needs to crank the steering wheel hard left, I’d strongly advise Hillarians to review and consider their alternatives if they want to see a Democrat in the White House come 2008. Seriously. I warned people about nominating Al Gore in 2000. He didn’t appeal to the monkeys in the middle – and national elections are all about the monkeys in the middle.
Let me explain.
You’ve got 20% of the left-wing monkeys swinging on the left side and 20% of the right-wing monkeys swinging on the right side. And then you've got a big monkeypile where the rest of us are going apeshit in the middle. The monkeys on the left and the right balance each other out – so it’s really the monkeys in the middle who decide. We’re also called swing voters, as it happens.
It’s important to understand simian psychology when electing our leaders. The monkeypile doesn’t just vote for people they like…they vote AGAINST people they don’t like. That’s how Al Gore narrowly won the election in 2000, and was narrowly defeated in the process. Too many monkeys in the middle voted against him. We kept swinging back and forth in the polls, but when we stepped into the booth to decide, we just couldn’t go with someone we couldn’t stand. So we swung the other way. That’s the business of monkeys - we swing.
Hillary has the same problem. She only appeals to the 20% of monkeys on the left. Monkeys in the middle go bananas just thinking about her. I actually start flinging feces at my television whenever she’s on it, which is not easy to clean up depending on what I ate. So if you plan to vote in the Democratic Primary, just be aware that a vote for Hillary is basically a vote against the Democratic Party in the general election.
To avoid another electoral fiasco, smart Democrats will look to nominate someone who isn’t loathed by nearly half the American people. I’m just one monkey in the middle, but I’m personally keen on Obama, whose popular support continues to swell. Hillary did outraise him in Q3 thanks to more big money from big donors with big interests in big business and much bigger government. But Obama continues drawing record support from little people with big hearts; people whose votes count the same as the people playing Clintonopoly.
Why Obama? For one, he's inherently likable - blessed with the gift of charisma…something Hillary may have accidentally bumped into once at a fundraiser, but never really got to know. Once people listen to him and find out what he’s all about, they can’t help but root for the guy. He has an infectious presence. He’s smart, pragmatic, and optimistic – everything our current President is not (which is a great start, don’t you think?).
The only knock you’ll hear is the ridiculous assertion (from the Clinton camp, primarily) that, somehow, he lacks the "experience" required to be an effective leader. Excuse me while I hurl turds at this preposterous suggestion. Since when did “Years in Washington” become a prerequisite for President? Given Congress’s record-low 11% approval rating, I’d wager the monkeys in the middle may be looking for a leader who HASN’T spent a whole lot of time in Washington. Further, if experience IS what you’re looking for, then it’s important to note that Obama has actually held elected office longer than Capitol Hillary. (Yes, really) He’s passed more bills and has been in public service for over two decades. Hillary, meanwhile, was busily inventing right-wing conspiracies and covering up shady land deals – also relevant experience in Washington, but not exactly the kind that inspires people to action.
In American politics, it's all about getting the monkey in the middle to swing your way. I'm sticking with the plan: out with the same old, in with the new. And if the masses insist on Hillary, I'll be flinging lots of poo.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
F IS FOR FRIES
Study hard, kids! One teacher sends a message to his students with the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
BELIEF SYSTEM OVERLOAD
I'm not the world's biggest atheist or anything. In fact, I tend to error on the side of some divine presence over nothing at all. But this dude seriously cracks me up. His name is Pat Condell and he makes a pretty entertaining argument against the existence of Jesus. I've seen a few of his intellectual ramblings and they're all quite thought-provoking. So well-articulated, in fact, he's been drawing all kinds of hellfire from angry Christians. His latest well-mannered, soft-spoken tirade is definitely worth a listen.
WI THE PEOPLE
I got a chance to play the Nintendo Wii (pronounced “we”) for the first time this past weekend and, as my friend promised, I’m still sore from it.
In case you’re not familiar, the Wii is a video game console system with a twist. Instead of the traditional joystick controller, the Wii features an innovative, interactive remote-control device you actually wave around in the air to virtually bowl, play baseball, play tennis, and a bunch of other simulated activities. It’s a rather sophisticated, quasi-futuristic concept in gaming that combines human movement with computer animation – and it’s way cool…for about 10 minutes, anyhow. After that you start to get tired. And then you get a little sore. And then you start to remember that the reason you liked video games in the first place was because you could plant your ass in some comfy couch cushions and twiddle your thumbs all day long without breaking a sweat.
But I will say this for the Wii – it opens up a whole new realm of gaming possibilities. And it’s opened up gaming to whole new markets. I saw a news report last week about an assisted living community in the south where they play Wii bowling as a recreational activity and the seniors love it! instead of loading up the bus and carting everyone to the local lanes where they’d have to struggle with swinging around heavy balls, home administrators just set up the Wii in the activity room and let the seniors have at it. Believe it or not, the room is packed daily.
The sky is really the limit when you're not confined to a joystick. Adding a little motion or some sensory control takes gaming to a whole new level. So I started brainstorming some fun new game concepts that would let people “try their hand” at some pretty original activities.
Here are a few ideas the folks at Nintendo might want to consider...
Bill Belichick Football ‘08
Perfect your handicam skills, virtually shooting the opposing team’s huddles and sidelines for hot play-calling footage. Zoom in and out looking for hints, tips, and clues as to what play is coming next. The more plays you can steal before being escorted off the field by security, the better your score! And when security does come, make sure you hang onto that camera or scandal will erupt! A cheater's fantasy come true.
O.J.: Juice On The Loose
This action-adventure game starts with a home break-in and physical altercation, culminates in a double murder, and concludes with a high-speed getaway on the LA freeway. Experience what it’s like to commit first-degree murder and get away with it over and over again…just like OJ! Or play in arcade mode where you storm Vegas hotel rooms with guns blazing for more high-adrenaline criminal excitement. Tight-fitting gamer glove sold separately.
Freedom America
Make a run for the border in this action-adventure epic that puts you in the shoes of a poor, hungry Mexican migrant worker. Climb fences, navigate barbed wire, wade streams, fend off border patrol dogs, and fight for the last spot in the back of a Ford pick-up truck that just set sail toward the land of the free. Will you find amnesty or agony?
Kidd-Wife Crisis
Put up your dukes and fight! Try your hand at fending off the menacing fists of NBA all-star Jason Kidd as he beats you down in this domestic abuse classic. Throw vases and dishes at the superstar point guard as he chases you from room to room in a heated frenzy. Then get your guard up and protect your pretty face as the knuckles start flying. Big fun for all ages!
To Catch a Predator
You’re Chris Hansen, Dateline NBC correspondent, in this role-play drama. It’s your job to coax embarrassing confessions out of child molesters as they come snooping around your set-up house for some underage action. It’s all in the timing and arm gestures. Wait until the perverted perp is in position, and then pounce! Offer him a seat on the stool and a stale brownie – but carefully. If the perp feels threatened, he’ll bolt. Make him feel safe and secure so you can pepper him with ridiculous questions – over 250 to choose from including, ‘What did you think was going to happen here tonight?’ and ‘Do you always keep condoms in your car?’ Ask just the right questions and wave a stack of transcripts to reduce future felons to tears. The more footage you can get, the higher your ratings!
Leisure Suit Larry: Woo in the Loo
So, you think you’re pretty smooth? Put your pick-up skills to the test in this homoerotic role player based on the life of Senator Larry Craig. Visit airport bathrooms, interstate rest stops, and public libraries all over America in one man’s quest to find inner peace through random ass and handjobs. Use the controller to initiate eye contact, tap patterns on the tile floor, and wave your consent below the stall divider. Even coax mysterious partners of all shapes and sizes to a complete finish! But beware – there are undercover police officers, skinheads, and plenty of communicable diseases out there. Conduct your tearoom trades with extreme caution!
In case you’re not familiar, the Wii is a video game console system with a twist. Instead of the traditional joystick controller, the Wii features an innovative, interactive remote-control device you actually wave around in the air to virtually bowl, play baseball, play tennis, and a bunch of other simulated activities. It’s a rather sophisticated, quasi-futuristic concept in gaming that combines human movement with computer animation – and it’s way cool…for about 10 minutes, anyhow. After that you start to get tired. And then you get a little sore. And then you start to remember that the reason you liked video games in the first place was because you could plant your ass in some comfy couch cushions and twiddle your thumbs all day long without breaking a sweat.
But I will say this for the Wii – it opens up a whole new realm of gaming possibilities. And it’s opened up gaming to whole new markets. I saw a news report last week about an assisted living community in the south where they play Wii bowling as a recreational activity and the seniors love it! instead of loading up the bus and carting everyone to the local lanes where they’d have to struggle with swinging around heavy balls, home administrators just set up the Wii in the activity room and let the seniors have at it. Believe it or not, the room is packed daily.
The sky is really the limit when you're not confined to a joystick. Adding a little motion or some sensory control takes gaming to a whole new level. So I started brainstorming some fun new game concepts that would let people “try their hand” at some pretty original activities.
Here are a few ideas the folks at Nintendo might want to consider...
Bill Belichick Football ‘08
Perfect your handicam skills, virtually shooting the opposing team’s huddles and sidelines for hot play-calling footage. Zoom in and out looking for hints, tips, and clues as to what play is coming next. The more plays you can steal before being escorted off the field by security, the better your score! And when security does come, make sure you hang onto that camera or scandal will erupt! A cheater's fantasy come true.
O.J.: Juice On The Loose
This action-adventure game starts with a home break-in and physical altercation, culminates in a double murder, and concludes with a high-speed getaway on the LA freeway. Experience what it’s like to commit first-degree murder and get away with it over and over again…just like OJ! Or play in arcade mode where you storm Vegas hotel rooms with guns blazing for more high-adrenaline criminal excitement. Tight-fitting gamer glove sold separately.
Freedom America
Make a run for the border in this action-adventure epic that puts you in the shoes of a poor, hungry Mexican migrant worker. Climb fences, navigate barbed wire, wade streams, fend off border patrol dogs, and fight for the last spot in the back of a Ford pick-up truck that just set sail toward the land of the free. Will you find amnesty or agony?
Kidd-Wife Crisis
Put up your dukes and fight! Try your hand at fending off the menacing fists of NBA all-star Jason Kidd as he beats you down in this domestic abuse classic. Throw vases and dishes at the superstar point guard as he chases you from room to room in a heated frenzy. Then get your guard up and protect your pretty face as the knuckles start flying. Big fun for all ages!
To Catch a Predator
You’re Chris Hansen, Dateline NBC correspondent, in this role-play drama. It’s your job to coax embarrassing confessions out of child molesters as they come snooping around your set-up house for some underage action. It’s all in the timing and arm gestures. Wait until the perverted perp is in position, and then pounce! Offer him a seat on the stool and a stale brownie – but carefully. If the perp feels threatened, he’ll bolt. Make him feel safe and secure so you can pepper him with ridiculous questions – over 250 to choose from including, ‘What did you think was going to happen here tonight?’ and ‘Do you always keep condoms in your car?’ Ask just the right questions and wave a stack of transcripts to reduce future felons to tears. The more footage you can get, the higher your ratings!
Leisure Suit Larry: Woo in the Loo
So, you think you’re pretty smooth? Put your pick-up skills to the test in this homoerotic role player based on the life of Senator Larry Craig. Visit airport bathrooms, interstate rest stops, and public libraries all over America in one man’s quest to find inner peace through random ass and handjobs. Use the controller to initiate eye contact, tap patterns on the tile floor, and wave your consent below the stall divider. Even coax mysterious partners of all shapes and sizes to a complete finish! But beware – there are undercover police officers, skinheads, and plenty of communicable diseases out there. Conduct your tearoom trades with extreme caution!
HOST YOUR OWN DEBATE
I thought this link was pretty damn cool. It's an online Democratic Party debate that you control. There's a moderator asking questions, and all of your favorite would-be presidents to choose from. You select the topic and the participants and Yahoo! creates a custom mash-up for you.
It's a fun way to learn a little bit more about the candidates you're interested in. Check out Bill Maher's questions, too. Serious questions with a fun twist.
It's a fun way to learn a little bit more about the candidates you're interested in. Check out Bill Maher's questions, too. Serious questions with a fun twist.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
KEEP AN EYE ON DUBAI
From the news today: Dubai is planning to acquire 19.9% of the Nasdaq stock exchange in New York, placing the Arab government in an ownership position. The move has raised concerns among many in Congress. They are also acquiring 28% of London's stock exchange.
I've been telling people for years that something's going on in Dubai and they just chuckle at my overactive imagine. Mark my words, people. I will say it again. There is something going on in Dubai.
I've been telling people for years that something's going on in Dubai and they just chuckle at my overactive imagine. Mark my words, people. I will say it again. There is something going on in Dubai.
BELATED NOTES ON THE 4TH
Summer is nearly over and it's been a fun one, my friends. So fun, in fact, I've had little time to report on much. For this I apologize. You deserve so much more than the stream of activist propaganda and Bush-being-stupid-again links I've been posting. All in due time. Thanks for hanging in there.
So what was I up to over the past few months? Well, you may have read that I recently attended the Austin City Limits music festival. That was a nice way to spend an afternoon. It was also an easy way to sweat off about 6 pounds standing still. Damn does it get hot down there.
I also watched the 4th of July fireworks from the rooftop of my Chicago high rise. I can't begin to describe to you the view. Okay, I'll try. First, you should know that Chicago's fireworks are always on the 3rd of July - but the suburban celebrations usually take place on the 4th. So I headed up to the roof around 9:30 and turned to the west to see if I could spot anything.
The sound of tiny, distant explosions filled the air, like muffled bursts of popcorn in a scalding hot kettle. Low along the horizon, as far as the eye could see, bright colorful pinwheels were shattering like tiny Christmas lights everywhere. It was amazing to behold. Some shot higher than others, and they appeared suddenly, randomly - near, far, and beyond. A soft gray haze cloaked distant chimneys, lying flat like a pool of marsh water and flickering orange with every pyrotechnic eruption. Whistles, bangs, and sirens rang out. A stranger would think the streets were under siege with all of the commotion below. But from up there on the rooftop, it all seemed very peaceful. A light breeze stroked my bare arms as I clung to a chain link fence, gazing through the metal diamonds at the world I love.
After several minutes enjoying the view, I turned around and noticed I wasn't alone. The roof had been collecting others - also curious to see the celebration from on high. It was a perspective on Independence day fireworks unlike any other I'd witnessed before. Instead of lying below the massive umbrellas of cascading light, I was watching them from above - crackling, fizzling, and dripping like condensation on a shower door into the urban drain. I imagined what the spectacle must look like from even higher up as a jet plane skated quietly above - lights flickering reliably underneath. They have the best view of all, I thought. To them the world looked like a motherboard short-circuiting.
I remember thinking how great it was that, in the midst of this horrible war, with foreclosures reaching record highs, faith in government at historic lows, recession on the tongue of every other economic forecaster, somehow, we had the temerity to wish ourselves a happy birthday. Now here's a country with a little self-confidence, I said to myself. We're optimistic if nothing else. We know we're not very popular right now, but dammit we mean well. And we're not bad people...we just keep electing bad leaders. Things are bound to turn around at some point, right?
And on that note, I turned around and headed back inside.
So what was I up to over the past few months? Well, you may have read that I recently attended the Austin City Limits music festival. That was a nice way to spend an afternoon. It was also an easy way to sweat off about 6 pounds standing still. Damn does it get hot down there.
I also watched the 4th of July fireworks from the rooftop of my Chicago high rise. I can't begin to describe to you the view. Okay, I'll try. First, you should know that Chicago's fireworks are always on the 3rd of July - but the suburban celebrations usually take place on the 4th. So I headed up to the roof around 9:30 and turned to the west to see if I could spot anything.
The sound of tiny, distant explosions filled the air, like muffled bursts of popcorn in a scalding hot kettle. Low along the horizon, as far as the eye could see, bright colorful pinwheels were shattering like tiny Christmas lights everywhere. It was amazing to behold. Some shot higher than others, and they appeared suddenly, randomly - near, far, and beyond. A soft gray haze cloaked distant chimneys, lying flat like a pool of marsh water and flickering orange with every pyrotechnic eruption. Whistles, bangs, and sirens rang out. A stranger would think the streets were under siege with all of the commotion below. But from up there on the rooftop, it all seemed very peaceful. A light breeze stroked my bare arms as I clung to a chain link fence, gazing through the metal diamonds at the world I love.
After several minutes enjoying the view, I turned around and noticed I wasn't alone. The roof had been collecting others - also curious to see the celebration from on high. It was a perspective on Independence day fireworks unlike any other I'd witnessed before. Instead of lying below the massive umbrellas of cascading light, I was watching them from above - crackling, fizzling, and dripping like condensation on a shower door into the urban drain. I imagined what the spectacle must look like from even higher up as a jet plane skated quietly above - lights flickering reliably underneath. They have the best view of all, I thought. To them the world looked like a motherboard short-circuiting.
I remember thinking how great it was that, in the midst of this horrible war, with foreclosures reaching record highs, faith in government at historic lows, recession on the tongue of every other economic forecaster, somehow, we had the temerity to wish ourselves a happy birthday. Now here's a country with a little self-confidence, I said to myself. We're optimistic if nothing else. We know we're not very popular right now, but dammit we mean well. And we're not bad people...we just keep electing bad leaders. Things are bound to turn around at some point, right?
And on that note, I turned around and headed back inside.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
YOU CAN RESTORE HABEUS CORPUS
Want to get a little freedom back? Become a citizen co-sponsor of a bill in the U.S. Senate that's expected to go up for a vote THIS WEEK.
By signing on, you can actually help Congress roll back some of the dangerous policies instituted by the Bush Administration - policies that essentially made it legal for the government to break into your home, kidnap you, and lock you up for as long as they want without giving you a reason.
Let your voice be heard on this vital piece of legislation. The vote will be close - but if we speak loud enough, we can force our elected officials to do the right thing for a change. Make sure they know you are watching how they vote.
Restore Habeus-Corpus. It only takes a minute!
By signing on, you can actually help Congress roll back some of the dangerous policies instituted by the Bush Administration - policies that essentially made it legal for the government to break into your home, kidnap you, and lock you up for as long as they want without giving you a reason.
Let your voice be heard on this vital piece of legislation. The vote will be close - but if we speak loud enough, we can force our elected officials to do the right thing for a change. Make sure they know you are watching how they vote.
Restore Habeus-Corpus. It only takes a minute!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
THE FOURTH REICH
One of the few remaining justifications for the war in Iraq, we're told, is the possibility that – SOMEHOW – by invading the country on false pretenses, toppling a lame dictatorship that posed no more a threat to our national security than any other country in that region, creating a dangerous power vacuum without a thoughtful, viable plan for filling the government void, refereeing an intensely violent sectarian civil war, sparking a broad insurgency across an already volatile region, sustaining widespread, worldwide resentment toward our hegemonic foreign policy decisions, dumping billions into destabilizing the Middle East to promote an aggressive, unilateral campaign of preemptive military intervention, and sacrificing the lives of thousands of Americans who might have done more for our country had they been afforded an opportunity to serve it here at home – SOMEHOW – we’re SAFER for it.
NOW we’re safer, they say. Isn’t that right, General Petraeus?
Shockingly, even the man charged with driving the war bus in Iraq admitted on the record before Congress he isn’t convinced that, despite our best efforts, we’re any safer today.
Because he knows we AREN'T.
The most responsible thing we the people can do right now is to hold our leadership accountable for the bad decisions they've made. And that includes leaning on the Democratic opposition who continue to roll over in tacit support of our ongoing national tragedy. I say this now because the plans have already been drawn up for a military air strike on Iran - and many believe the idiot in charge plans to authorize one before he leaves office in January '09. Google it, my friends.
Someone must put an end to America's military crusade in the Middle East before we're forced to mobilize hundreds of thousands more troops for a wider scale conflict of Third Reichian proportions. Look at the monumental failures we've already accomplished and take notice of where we're headed. The Republican Presidential nominees are blowing hard about "cutting and running" and "admitting defeat." This dangerous mentality is the express route to a national draft and permanent occupation.
Has anyone stopped to consider: Maybe there's no exit strategy in Iraq because Doomsday Dick, Rumsfailed, Condoliesalot, Wolfoshitz and the rest of the neo-conditos never intended to leave.
As the bumper sticker says: If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.
NOW we’re safer, they say. Isn’t that right, General Petraeus?
Shockingly, even the man charged with driving the war bus in Iraq admitted on the record before Congress he isn’t convinced that, despite our best efforts, we’re any safer today. Because he knows we AREN'T.
The most responsible thing we the people can do right now is to hold our leadership accountable for the bad decisions they've made. And that includes leaning on the Democratic opposition who continue to roll over in tacit support of our ongoing national tragedy. I say this now because the plans have already been drawn up for a military air strike on Iran - and many believe the idiot in charge plans to authorize one before he leaves office in January '09. Google it, my friends.
Someone must put an end to America's military crusade in the Middle East before we're forced to mobilize hundreds of thousands more troops for a wider scale conflict of Third Reichian proportions. Look at the monumental failures we've already accomplished and take notice of where we're headed. The Republican Presidential nominees are blowing hard about "cutting and running" and "admitting defeat." This dangerous mentality is the express route to a national draft and permanent occupation.
Has anyone stopped to consider: Maybe there's no exit strategy in Iraq because Doomsday Dick, Rumsfailed, Condoliesalot, Wolfoshitz and the rest of the neo-conditos never intended to leave.
As the bumper sticker says: If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention.
Monday, September 17, 2007
NEW RULES RULES
Not only did Bush manage to turn me from a staunch conservative into a raging liberal, he also moved me off Dennis Miller and onto Bill Maher.
I can't believe there was a time when I couldn't stand this guy. But these days I agree with nearly every bit of biting sarcasm that oozes out of his bitter mouth. His New Rules segments are the bomb - great stuff here.
Thanks to JB for keeping these in my Inbox.
I can't believe there was a time when I couldn't stand this guy. But these days I agree with nearly every bit of biting sarcasm that oozes out of his bitter mouth. His New Rules segments are the bomb - great stuff here.
Thanks to JB for keeping these in my Inbox.
AUSTIN BY WAY OF MINNEAPOLIS
Did a little old school partying this past weekend down in Austin, Texas. If you've never been there, you're missing out on the world's largest collection of white people with really bad tattoos. Quite a collection I should say. They actually have a motto down there they seem quite proud of: Keep Austin Weird. It's on hats and t-shirts and mugs at the airport. They fancy themselves a little different - and compared to the rest of Texas, they are most certainly that.
My reason for being there was Crowded House. Just a month after seeing one of my favorite music artists at the (Crowded) House of Blues in Chicago, I was back for more...this time in the scalding Texas sun at Austin City Limits, a now-famous 3-day music festival that's basically like a corporate-sponsored Woodstock for Generation whoever. Lots of live music, beer, pot, deep fried food, and really bad tattoos. Not the good bad. The bad bad. I'm pretty sure half of them were made at home using a hot skillet and a ball-point pen.
Crowded House rocked, by the way. Again. They even made rain, believe it or not. In the middle of a sunny, steamy hot summer day they managed to conjure up a little liquid from heaven. And it happened during the song "Fall at Your Feet," which features the chorus line: "Whenever I fall at your feet, you let your tears rain down on me." And as we sang along, it actually started to rain. It was more than a little moving - borderline spiritual in a way. I'm sure the beer also helped in this regard. The band immediately recognized their accomplishment and changed their set to squeeze in the tune "Weather With You." Everywhere you go, always take the weather with you...
As a side note to my recent adventure, I wanted to share a little bit of Americana with you. Flying from Chicago to Austin was going to run somewhere between $434-$900 round trip - unless, by some quirk in the system, I flew Northwest Airlines northwest to Minneapolis first and then down to Texas. That cost was $288 after taxes. Sold!
During my layover at the Minneapolis airport, I decided to check out the restroom where Senator Larry Craig was arrested for his wide-stance tap dance routine. I was going to snap a photo of the crime scene for your files, but decided against taking photographs in a busy airport bathroom for fear of meeting the same ironic fate as the Senator himself. I'm pretty sure the other patrons would not have been comfortable with me shooting digital pictures while they did their business.
The best I could do was this shot of the outside of the restroom. I also should note that the stall next to the one Craig was arrested in was closed for business. They'd wrapped the commode in garbage bags and roped off the stall with yellow tape. No joke. Perhaps the Solicitor General wanted to dust for prints.
After snapping this photo I went in and sat down for a few minutes, fucking with fellow travelers by tapping my foot under their stall a few times once they sat down. Try it some time - at your own risk, of course.
My reason for being there was Crowded House. Just a month after seeing one of my favorite music artists at the (Crowded) House of Blues in Chicago, I was back for more...this time in the scalding Texas sun at Austin City Limits, a now-famous 3-day music festival that's basically like a corporate-sponsored Woodstock for Generation whoever. Lots of live music, beer, pot, deep fried food, and really bad tattoos. Not the good bad. The bad bad. I'm pretty sure half of them were made at home using a hot skillet and a ball-point pen.
Crowded House rocked, by the way. Again. They even made rain, believe it or not. In the middle of a sunny, steamy hot summer day they managed to conjure up a little liquid from heaven. And it happened during the song "Fall at Your Feet," which features the chorus line: "Whenever I fall at your feet, you let your tears rain down on me." And as we sang along, it actually started to rain. It was more than a little moving - borderline spiritual in a way. I'm sure the beer also helped in this regard. The band immediately recognized their accomplishment and changed their set to squeeze in the tune "Weather With You." Everywhere you go, always take the weather with you...
As a side note to my recent adventure, I wanted to share a little bit of Americana with you. Flying from Chicago to Austin was going to run somewhere between $434-$900 round trip - unless, by some quirk in the system, I flew Northwest Airlines northwest to Minneapolis first and then down to Texas. That cost was $288 after taxes. Sold!
During my layover at the Minneapolis airport, I decided to check out the restroom where Senator Larry Craig was arrested for his wide-stance tap dance routine. I was going to snap a photo of the crime scene for your files, but decided against taking photographs in a busy airport bathroom for fear of meeting the same ironic fate as the Senator himself. I'm pretty sure the other patrons would not have been comfortable with me shooting digital pictures while they did their business.
The best I could do was this shot of the outside of the restroom. I also should note that the stall next to the one Craig was arrested in was closed for business. They'd wrapped the commode in garbage bags and roped off the stall with yellow tape. No joke. Perhaps the Solicitor General wanted to dust for prints.After snapping this photo I went in and sat down for a few minutes, fucking with fellow travelers by tapping my foot under their stall a few times once they sat down. Try it some time - at your own risk, of course.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
GAY AS YOU LIKE
In case you haven't seen this gem, here's a great clip of Senator Larry Craig on Hardball with Chris Matthews. The clip is from 1999. Listen to what he says about Bill Clinton, and then check out the reaction from Chris Matthews afterward.
Fucking classic.
Fucking classic.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
HORRIBLE NEWS!
Here's a hilarious, if horrible, satire on the sad state of our news media. Seems all the cable news networks have figured out that the sensational sells. The more fear and graphic detail they can jam into a 2-minute news segment, the higher the ratings. Hmmmm...perhaps that says more about our cultural psyche than it does the media.
Either way - you have to appreciate the perspective here, however sensitive the subject matter. Satire at its finest.
Either way - you have to appreciate the perspective here, however sensitive the subject matter. Satire at its finest.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Friday, August 31, 2007
MR. COCKSMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON
So I'm reading the news this week and suddenly cocksmoking is for gay dudes only. When did this happen? What's this world coming to when a straight man can't enjoy a casual cock in the restroom every now and then. Sheesh! I mean, what guy hasn't blown a complete stranger in a truck stop bathroom? Suck just ONE dick and all your friends are calling you a fag. What's up with that?
If you have a TV, radio, or internet connection, you are likely aware that U.S. Senator Larry Craig was flagged for being offsides in a public bathroom. It just so happens that I have first-hand experience in this area, so let me explain where the Senator fucked up.
In 1994, I was randomly propositioned for an encounter of this very nature while trying to pinch off a loaf in the rear restroom on the first floor of the undergraduate library in Urbana, Illinois. I was alone when I entered the facility. I wiped the seat down, gave the bowl a courtesy flush, and settled in with a good book for what I hoped would be a very productive bathroom break.
As I strained to move what felt like a cue ball through my winking sphincter, I heard the bathroom door swing open. The visitor loudly entered the stall next to mine and sat down so fast he could not possibly have had the time to drop his pants. I glanced under the stall and verified that, indeed, his trousers had not been freed. Very odd, I thought. I sat in silence, wondering to myself what exactly was happening with my neighbor in the next stall. Was he having an emotional breakdown? Was he snorting coke? Was he forgetful and crapping in his pants?
All of a sudden I noticed his foot appear below the stall divider. It was clearly on what I considered “my” side of the divider, and tapping.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Then silence.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
More silence.
I felt naked suddenly. The shit I was about to unleash seized up and my rectum clenched tight. My body went into flight mode. Did this guy know he was tapping his foot on my side of the stall? He had to, I thought. And if he knew it, WHY was he doing it? The tapping continued.
Tap. Tap.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He became more forceful with the taps, as though he thought I might have drifted off on the pot and needed a louder wake-up call. But I had not drifted off – I was completely frozen and mortified that anyone would dare invade my privacy by breaking the sacred bathroom barrier. I didn’t know how to respond, so I sat there completely still, in deafening silence. The only sound in that restroom was the thundering clap of a plastic shoe sole on heavy tile.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The tapping must have gone on for minutes – but it felt like hours. At some point it occurred to me that I was being propositioned for an encounter of some kind – and I didn’t like it one bit. I just wanted this idiot to take the hint that I wasn’t interested and take a hike. I dared not move a muscle or utter a word, lest I unwittingly give him permission to expose himself or otherwise take the encounter to another level.
After a small eternity, he rose in a rush, barged out of the stall and exited the restroom – without washing his hands, I remember. Moments later I deemed it was safe to get up. Although I was unable to complete my the mission, I no longer felt the urge that had prompted my visit in the first place.
Leaving the restroom, I looked nervously around to see if anyone in the vicinity was eyeballing me. I then spotted the shoes. They belonged to a chubby black guy sitting in a nearby lounge chair, thumbing through a newspaper. He was auditioning partners with a quick glance as they walked past him, then would follow them in hoping for a little action.
Years later I learned that this type of encounter is not uncommon. Turns out it even has a name: “the tearoom trade.” A graduate student at Washington University in St. Louis actually did a behavioral study of these types of encounters and learned something fascinating that may shed a little light on Senator Craig’s ordeal. According to his 1970 Ph.D. dissertation, an overwhelming majority of the men who engage in these random sexual encounters with other men do not consider themselves gay. They just like having quick, meaningless sexual encounters with MEN. So when Senator Craig says he’s not gay – he may in fact actually believe that in all honesty he is not a gay man. He just happens to enjoy the same sexual experiences gay men enjoy. Powerful what the mind can talk us into and out of.
I personally see a small disconnect here. As a straight man who has been in the same position as Senator Craig, I knew enough not to encourage my solicitor by tapping back, sliding my foot under the stall divider, or making a motion of any kind under the stall. I have to believe Craig knew exactly what he was doing in that bathroom, and unfortunately for him, his story did not have a happy ending – so to speak.
As for the tearoom trade, I feel obliged to submit that sucking cock, at least in my book, makes a man bisexual at the very least. Sexual activities, tendencies, and desires of this nature are precisely what define a person’s sexual orientation. In the world I know, straight men don’t have gay sex. If we did, we wouldn’t be straight. As Dr. Kinsey reported in his famous studies on human sexuality, we’d be something in-between. And that’s fine…we are who we are. Let’s just call it what it is.
And Senator Craig is a gay hypocrite who deserves the shame he has received for the votes he has cast against the very activities he participates in.
If you have a TV, radio, or internet connection, you are likely aware that U.S. Senator Larry Craig was flagged for being offsides in a public bathroom. It just so happens that I have first-hand experience in this area, so let me explain where the Senator fucked up.
In 1994, I was randomly propositioned for an encounter of this very nature while trying to pinch off a loaf in the rear restroom on the first floor of the undergraduate library in Urbana, Illinois. I was alone when I entered the facility. I wiped the seat down, gave the bowl a courtesy flush, and settled in with a good book for what I hoped would be a very productive bathroom break.
As I strained to move what felt like a cue ball through my winking sphincter, I heard the bathroom door swing open. The visitor loudly entered the stall next to mine and sat down so fast he could not possibly have had the time to drop his pants. I glanced under the stall and verified that, indeed, his trousers had not been freed. Very odd, I thought. I sat in silence, wondering to myself what exactly was happening with my neighbor in the next stall. Was he having an emotional breakdown? Was he snorting coke? Was he forgetful and crapping in his pants?
All of a sudden I noticed his foot appear below the stall divider. It was clearly on what I considered “my” side of the divider, and tapping.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Then silence.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
More silence.
I felt naked suddenly. The shit I was about to unleash seized up and my rectum clenched tight. My body went into flight mode. Did this guy know he was tapping his foot on my side of the stall? He had to, I thought. And if he knew it, WHY was he doing it? The tapping continued.
Tap. Tap.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He became more forceful with the taps, as though he thought I might have drifted off on the pot and needed a louder wake-up call. But I had not drifted off – I was completely frozen and mortified that anyone would dare invade my privacy by breaking the sacred bathroom barrier. I didn’t know how to respond, so I sat there completely still, in deafening silence. The only sound in that restroom was the thundering clap of a plastic shoe sole on heavy tile.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
The tapping must have gone on for minutes – but it felt like hours. At some point it occurred to me that I was being propositioned for an encounter of some kind – and I didn’t like it one bit. I just wanted this idiot to take the hint that I wasn’t interested and take a hike. I dared not move a muscle or utter a word, lest I unwittingly give him permission to expose himself or otherwise take the encounter to another level.
After a small eternity, he rose in a rush, barged out of the stall and exited the restroom – without washing his hands, I remember. Moments later I deemed it was safe to get up. Although I was unable to complete my the mission, I no longer felt the urge that had prompted my visit in the first place.
Leaving the restroom, I looked nervously around to see if anyone in the vicinity was eyeballing me. I then spotted the shoes. They belonged to a chubby black guy sitting in a nearby lounge chair, thumbing through a newspaper. He was auditioning partners with a quick glance as they walked past him, then would follow them in hoping for a little action.
Years later I learned that this type of encounter is not uncommon. Turns out it even has a name: “the tearoom trade.” A graduate student at Washington University in St. Louis actually did a behavioral study of these types of encounters and learned something fascinating that may shed a little light on Senator Craig’s ordeal. According to his 1970 Ph.D. dissertation, an overwhelming majority of the men who engage in these random sexual encounters with other men do not consider themselves gay. They just like having quick, meaningless sexual encounters with MEN. So when Senator Craig says he’s not gay – he may in fact actually believe that in all honesty he is not a gay man. He just happens to enjoy the same sexual experiences gay men enjoy. Powerful what the mind can talk us into and out of.
I personally see a small disconnect here. As a straight man who has been in the same position as Senator Craig, I knew enough not to encourage my solicitor by tapping back, sliding my foot under the stall divider, or making a motion of any kind under the stall. I have to believe Craig knew exactly what he was doing in that bathroom, and unfortunately for him, his story did not have a happy ending – so to speak.
As for the tearoom trade, I feel obliged to submit that sucking cock, at least in my book, makes a man bisexual at the very least. Sexual activities, tendencies, and desires of this nature are precisely what define a person’s sexual orientation. In the world I know, straight men don’t have gay sex. If we did, we wouldn’t be straight. As Dr. Kinsey reported in his famous studies on human sexuality, we’d be something in-between. And that’s fine…we are who we are. Let’s just call it what it is.
And Senator Craig is a gay hypocrite who deserves the shame he has received for the votes he has cast against the very activities he participates in.
GO LET IT OUT
I often hear people say, "I've been real busy - but that's good."
Busy is good, they say.
I disagree. Busy sucks.
When I first started this thing called the “real world,” I had more time than I knew what to do with. My "work" days were pretty stress-free, probably because I didn't have a whole lot of work to do. I played a lot of video games, took long walks around the neighborhood, strolled home to nap and watch Maury Povich over lunch, and brushed up on my ping-pong skills.
That gravy train lasted 4 ½ years, believe it or not. I didn’t bank a whole lot of coin at that gig (some friends were pulling 2-3X my paltry salary), but I was rich in other ways. I had lots of time to drink, think, and write. And I was a fucking blast to be around...or so I imagine. At least that's the way it appears when I thumb through old photos.
These days, I don’t have a whole lot of time to drink, think, or write. Most of my time is paid directly to the man...in exchange for a slightly more lucrative role in corporate America. There’s always a trade-off, I suppose. I wouldn't say I'm a blast to be around anymore – more of a muted bang, or a faded pop. Just loud enough you can almost tell I was once someone alive.
I celebrated another birthday just a couple weeks ago and came to the startling realization that I was missing an entire decade of my life. 10 years vanished. Can’t get those back. I don't regret them – they were what they were. But I do wonder sometimes if, perhaps, I could have been a whole lot more than I am today had I been able to focus on something – anything – productive.
Instead of investing so much time in fantasy sports, what if I had spent years analyzing trends in financial markets?
Instead of spending so much of my hard-earned money at the bar, what if I had been paying off student loans and credit cards?
Instead of clinging to the security and comfort of low-paying jobs for which I am grossly overqualified, what if I had challenged myself to do something far more adventurous and rewarding?
Instead of spending all of my free time playing video games, what if I had continued playing guitar, perfecting and adding to my collection of under-exposed acoustic pop masterpieces?
Instead of sleeping in every morning, what if I had got up just a ½ hour earlier to do a few push ups and run a few miles?
Instead - I am what I am. And 10 years vanished like they never happened; the unspent creativity swelling inside and strangling me like the swollen fingers of visceral fat taxing my vitals.
The Oasis refrain, “go let it out” echoes somewhere inside.
Maybe I should, I think.
Maybe I will.
Busy is good, they say.
I disagree. Busy sucks.
When I first started this thing called the “real world,” I had more time than I knew what to do with. My "work" days were pretty stress-free, probably because I didn't have a whole lot of work to do. I played a lot of video games, took long walks around the neighborhood, strolled home to nap and watch Maury Povich over lunch, and brushed up on my ping-pong skills.
That gravy train lasted 4 ½ years, believe it or not. I didn’t bank a whole lot of coin at that gig (some friends were pulling 2-3X my paltry salary), but I was rich in other ways. I had lots of time to drink, think, and write. And I was a fucking blast to be around...or so I imagine. At least that's the way it appears when I thumb through old photos.
These days, I don’t have a whole lot of time to drink, think, or write. Most of my time is paid directly to the man...in exchange for a slightly more lucrative role in corporate America. There’s always a trade-off, I suppose. I wouldn't say I'm a blast to be around anymore – more of a muted bang, or a faded pop. Just loud enough you can almost tell I was once someone alive.
I celebrated another birthday just a couple weeks ago and came to the startling realization that I was missing an entire decade of my life. 10 years vanished. Can’t get those back. I don't regret them – they were what they were. But I do wonder sometimes if, perhaps, I could have been a whole lot more than I am today had I been able to focus on something – anything – productive.
Instead of investing so much time in fantasy sports, what if I had spent years analyzing trends in financial markets?
Instead of spending so much of my hard-earned money at the bar, what if I had been paying off student loans and credit cards?
Instead of clinging to the security and comfort of low-paying jobs for which I am grossly overqualified, what if I had challenged myself to do something far more adventurous and rewarding?
Instead of spending all of my free time playing video games, what if I had continued playing guitar, perfecting and adding to my collection of under-exposed acoustic pop masterpieces?
Instead of sleeping in every morning, what if I had got up just a ½ hour earlier to do a few push ups and run a few miles?
Instead - I am what I am. And 10 years vanished like they never happened; the unspent creativity swelling inside and strangling me like the swollen fingers of visceral fat taxing my vitals.
The Oasis refrain, “go let it out” echoes somewhere inside.
Maybe I should, I think.
Maybe I will.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
PRIORITIES
There are people in our government - people we elected to represent our best interests - who made, and keep making, the decision to spend our taxes like this. If you don't like it, do something about it.
Monday, August 27, 2007
THE DECLINE OF THE AMERICAN EMPIRE IN :30
A friend sent me a YouTube clip this morning - perhaps you've already seen it. It's Miss Teen South Carolina answering a question by answering a question. Amazing, really.
I would post the link here, but I think the written transcript is more meaningful.
Question: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think this is?"
[A sad fact, indeed. The answer to the question, of course, is that education in America is embarrassingly underfunded compared to things like nation-building and gratuitous hand-outs to Israel. Calling attention to our nation's obsession with celebrity and pop culture might have even earned a few points. Hell - anything remotely coherent might have registered as a "good try." The answer provided answers the question in itself. Wow. Heaven help us all if this is the future of our nation.]
Miss Teen South Carolina:
"I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh...people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and...I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., err, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our..."
If nothing else she could become a speechwriter for G_Dubs when he starts making the post-presidential circuit.
I would post the link here, but I think the written transcript is more meaningful.
Question: "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think this is?"
[A sad fact, indeed. The answer to the question, of course, is that education in America is embarrassingly underfunded compared to things like nation-building and gratuitous hand-outs to Israel. Calling attention to our nation's obsession with celebrity and pop culture might have even earned a few points. Hell - anything remotely coherent might have registered as a "good try." The answer provided answers the question in itself. Wow. Heaven help us all if this is the future of our nation.]
Miss Teen South Carolina:
"I personally believe the U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh...people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and...I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., err, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our..."
If nothing else she could become a speechwriter for G_Dubs when he starts making the post-presidential circuit.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
BICYCUAL
This chick does shit with a bicycle you gotta see to believe. Ought to be illegal. Damn. She rides the SHIT out of this bicycle. Some of her moves are just plain baffling. See for yourself.
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