I was recently in a settlement hearing my clinic client. It was pretty exciting to actually negotiate over an issue that was worth a few thousand dollars to my client. In retrospect, it was a lot less dramatic than I thought at the time. This is how I wish it went:
Opposing counsel: I'm going to squeeze you, Russ, because I don't like you; I don't like the kind of man you are. I despise your masquerade, and the dishonest way you pose yourself and your fucking client.
Russ: (quietly) We're all part of the same hypocrisy, Counselor. But never think it applies to my client.
Opposing Counsel: All right, then let me say you'll pay me because it's in your interests to pay me. I'll expect your answer, with payment, by tomorrow morning. Only don't contact me...from now on, deal only through Turnbull.
Russ: Counselor...(cold and calm)...you can have my answer now if you'd like. My offer is this. Nothing...not even the twenty thousand dollars for the Gaming Commission, which I'd appreciate if you would put up personally.
In actuality it didn't play out like a scene from Godfather II. It actually went like this:
Russ: We want a reinstatement of the car loan.
Opposing Counsel: Impossible.
Russ: How about giving you the title with no liability.
Opposing Counsel: That works.
Russ: And no 1099 tax liability?
Opposing Counsel: I'll look into that.
Russ: Good.
Opposing Counsel: Good. See you in two months at the next hearing.
Ugh! Even when law is interesting it's still dull by comparison
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Recent IM
I just woke up to let my dog out when I found this IM someone left for me:
Anonymous Reader: Hey guys, a few friends and I dig your blog (some of those friends are chicks) but your slacking is suspect at best. Why are you up so early posting in your blog? We think you get up early to read before class.
I'm not sure why, but this really offended me when my slacking was called into question. You can call me many things, but you will not call me one of those people who puts any effort into law school. It is laughable. Only law students would pay attention to such things as the time that we make our posts. If it really matters, our time clock thing is set to Pacific time, despite the fact that we live in the east. I could change it, I guess, but I'm just that lazy. How's that for slacking, retard?
Anonymous Reader: Hey guys, a few friends and I dig your blog (some of those friends are chicks) but your slacking is suspect at best. Why are you up so early posting in your blog? We think you get up early to read before class.
I'm not sure why, but this really offended me when my slacking was called into question. You can call me many things, but you will not call me one of those people who puts any effort into law school. It is laughable. Only law students would pay attention to such things as the time that we make our posts. If it really matters, our time clock thing is set to Pacific time, despite the fact that we live in the east. I could change it, I guess, but I'm just that lazy. How's that for slacking, retard?
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
The Most Wonderful Time of the Year
This is the last week of classes at my school, which means that my favorite part of the law school experience is fast approaching: Exams.
I love exam time for a number of reasons. First, as you know, I am forced to attend classes, so exams bring an end to my daily required presence and affords me much more free time to spend as I please (which this year will include playing NCAA Football 2006 on my PS2, watching the new Seinfeld DVDs, and emptying out my Tivo).
Second, being the fan of observing human behavior that I am, exams bring out the best and worst and funniest of people. Today, I saw a few 1Ls who had the thousand-yard stare, always a precursor to a freak out. Also today, a classmate and I overheard another 3L talking in detail about his 18-hour per day study schedule. We had a laugh at his expense and concluded that if you are a 3L and still need to study for 18 hours a day, you are in big, big trouble (or just a dork).
Third, in an effort to avoid actually doing work, I tend to clean my apartment with great detail. While others may be memorizing rules of evidence or jurisdictional splits in domestic relations law, I will be scrubbing my bathtub and cleaning out the little egg holders in my fridge. I may not learn those rules or splits as well as the other students, but everytime I go into my bathroom, it will be sparkling, and everytime I open my fridge, my eggs will be nice and clean.
Okay, at this point I realize that most of you reading this may hate me now because you are slaving over outlines or stuggling with key concepts or are stressed out to the max. But remember this: Exam time (read: adderall) also brings out my creative side. So I will be able to post numerous stories and observations to hopefully brighten your otherwise boring and stress-filled days. That's my promise to you, the reader. And if you still hate me for my devil-may-care approach to exams, remember this: Don't hate the player, hate the game.
I love exam time for a number of reasons. First, as you know, I am forced to attend classes, so exams bring an end to my daily required presence and affords me much more free time to spend as I please (which this year will include playing NCAA Football 2006 on my PS2, watching the new Seinfeld DVDs, and emptying out my Tivo).
Second, being the fan of observing human behavior that I am, exams bring out the best and worst and funniest of people. Today, I saw a few 1Ls who had the thousand-yard stare, always a precursor to a freak out. Also today, a classmate and I overheard another 3L talking in detail about his 18-hour per day study schedule. We had a laugh at his expense and concluded that if you are a 3L and still need to study for 18 hours a day, you are in big, big trouble (or just a dork).
Third, in an effort to avoid actually doing work, I tend to clean my apartment with great detail. While others may be memorizing rules of evidence or jurisdictional splits in domestic relations law, I will be scrubbing my bathtub and cleaning out the little egg holders in my fridge. I may not learn those rules or splits as well as the other students, but everytime I go into my bathroom, it will be sparkling, and everytime I open my fridge, my eggs will be nice and clean.
Okay, at this point I realize that most of you reading this may hate me now because you are slaving over outlines or stuggling with key concepts or are stressed out to the max. But remember this: Exam time (read: adderall) also brings out my creative side. So I will be able to post numerous stories and observations to hopefully brighten your otherwise boring and stress-filled days. That's my promise to you, the reader. And if you still hate me for my devil-may-care approach to exams, remember this: Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Response From the Worst Law School Around
Earlier today I posted the winner of the "Why My Law School Sucks" contest. Apparently, this caused a bit of an uproar at that school, and someone from the school wrote us about the contest winner. To be fair to everyone, I am posting the school's response:
A response from the "anonymous law school":We here at the lowest ranked law school in the borough felt that it was necessary to respond to the accusation made by a student, that we are the "worst" law school around.To answer the first gripe made by the ungrateful student, we are proud that our school is the most expensive around. Additionally, the student was actually incorrect in stating that this is a $39,000/yr education. This student forgot to include the astronomical cost of books in our (damp basement) bookstore, not to mention the extreme cost of living in this city.
Although it is true that we have consistently allowed more students to enter each year than we actually have room for, we haven't heard that many complaints about the folding chairs in classrooms. Students seem to enjoy sitting in the aisles, or on laps. It gives them a sense of closeness that many schools dont have. Additionally, we feel that argumentation skills are an important part of the JD program, and therefore a few brawls here and there (in class, in the library) are actually beneficial and key to developing skills that lawyers need.
Additionally, regarding the exam proctors: The school has gone out and recruited the finest proctors that no money can buy. Not only are these men and women untrained in the field, they are also hard of hearing and flatulent. We feel that this is a winning combination and we strive to keep our standards continuously low.
In regard to the "short-bus" as the students lovingly refer to the remedial classes - We realize that this is the best way to keep students in school that might otherwise fail out. That would be another $20K loss for the school... Not something we care to think about, and we feel that we are justified in keeping them around.
Finally, although the student didn't mention it in his/her letter, we feel that the library is an important subject to address. There seems to be growing concern over the fact that we have sold our library. It's true - we sold the school's only library in August (we managed not to tell the students until just last week - sneaky, sneaky). We knew they wouldn't notice as we packed up each and every single book over the past 4 months. And even if they noticed, to be honest, it's not as if anyone even uses these books. Anway, the building has been sold, and we've considered renting out The Intrepid, allowing students to study on the deck... We will keep you in the loop re: these developments.
We thank you for taking the time to read this letter. (It is more than we would do for you, or for our students.)
Best Wishes for a Cheery Holiday Season!
A response from the "anonymous law school":We here at the lowest ranked law school in the borough felt that it was necessary to respond to the accusation made by a student, that we are the "worst" law school around.To answer the first gripe made by the ungrateful student, we are proud that our school is the most expensive around. Additionally, the student was actually incorrect in stating that this is a $39,000/yr education. This student forgot to include the astronomical cost of books in our (damp basement) bookstore, not to mention the extreme cost of living in this city.
Although it is true that we have consistently allowed more students to enter each year than we actually have room for, we haven't heard that many complaints about the folding chairs in classrooms. Students seem to enjoy sitting in the aisles, or on laps. It gives them a sense of closeness that many schools dont have. Additionally, we feel that argumentation skills are an important part of the JD program, and therefore a few brawls here and there (in class, in the library) are actually beneficial and key to developing skills that lawyers need.
Additionally, regarding the exam proctors: The school has gone out and recruited the finest proctors that no money can buy. Not only are these men and women untrained in the field, they are also hard of hearing and flatulent. We feel that this is a winning combination and we strive to keep our standards continuously low.
In regard to the "short-bus" as the students lovingly refer to the remedial classes - We realize that this is the best way to keep students in school that might otherwise fail out. That would be another $20K loss for the school... Not something we care to think about, and we feel that we are justified in keeping them around.
Finally, although the student didn't mention it in his/her letter, we feel that the library is an important subject to address. There seems to be growing concern over the fact that we have sold our library. It's true - we sold the school's only library in August (we managed not to tell the students until just last week - sneaky, sneaky). We knew they wouldn't notice as we packed up each and every single book over the past 4 months. And even if they noticed, to be honest, it's not as if anyone even uses these books. Anway, the building has been sold, and we've considered renting out The Intrepid, allowing students to study on the deck... We will keep you in the loop re: these developments.
We thank you for taking the time to read this letter. (It is more than we would do for you, or for our students.)
Best Wishes for a Cheery Holiday Season!
Sunshine State
I just got back from Florida after spending Thanksgiving with my girlfriend's Jewish grandparents at their Del Boca Vista-esque complex. Then we spent a few days in America's gay mecca, Miami's South Beach.
Apparently, 5,132,321 Floridians voted for George Bush in the last election. It's safe to say that I didn't meet any of them.
Apparently, 5,132,321 Floridians voted for George Bush in the last election. It's safe to say that I didn't meet any of them.
Contest Winner
We received a lot of submissions for the "Why my law school sucks the most" contest, but the following one takes the cake. The writer wished to remain anonymous, but it's pretty easy to figure out what school they are talking about.
-We pay more tuition for a worse reputation. ($39,000/year for a 3/4 tier school).
-The building sucks something awful...The library books are being boxed up because the school is about to redo the whole building.
-The name of the school sounds like the name of one of the top 10 schools. Everytime I tell someone where I go, they act all happy and say, "Oh, that highly ranked law school just below Stanford, right?" and I have to meekly say, "No, that's another school. I go to the one that no one's ever heard of."
-The electrical outlets in classrooms and the library all suck. I'd say only about half of the outlets work, and people get very possessive over them. so much so that they unplug other people's computers without saying anything.
-The exam proctors all have a giant stick up their asses. They are the same for every exam: an old guy with a hearing aid and a fat guy who demands silence 30 minutes before the exam begins.
-There are remedial classes that the bottom third of the class is forced to take after the first semester.
-They'll keep you on for an extra semester if you are in the bottom 10% of the class.
-There are only three elevators that go past the fifth floor so that people wait in a line to get upstairs.
-The school is composed of three attached buildings that only connect on the first and fifth floors.
-There aren't enough seats in the big classes.
I'm still laughing about the "special ed" classes you have to take if you are ranked low. That shit's hilarious. Do they have to wear helmets too?
-We pay more tuition for a worse reputation. ($39,000/year for a 3/4 tier school).
-The building sucks something awful...The library books are being boxed up because the school is about to redo the whole building.
-The name of the school sounds like the name of one of the top 10 schools. Everytime I tell someone where I go, they act all happy and say, "Oh, that highly ranked law school just below Stanford, right?" and I have to meekly say, "No, that's another school. I go to the one that no one's ever heard of."
-The electrical outlets in classrooms and the library all suck. I'd say only about half of the outlets work, and people get very possessive over them. so much so that they unplug other people's computers without saying anything.
-The exam proctors all have a giant stick up their asses. They are the same for every exam: an old guy with a hearing aid and a fat guy who demands silence 30 minutes before the exam begins.
-There are remedial classes that the bottom third of the class is forced to take after the first semester.
-They'll keep you on for an extra semester if you are in the bottom 10% of the class.
-There are only three elevators that go past the fifth floor so that people wait in a line to get upstairs.
-The school is composed of three attached buildings that only connect on the first and fifth floors.
-There aren't enough seats in the big classes.
I'm still laughing about the "special ed" classes you have to take if you are ranked low. That shit's hilarious. Do they have to wear helmets too?
Friday, November 25, 2005
More Norm
Norm is the consummate fat man. He is truly comfortable with his size, weather he's wearing a barbeque sauce stained t-shirt or if he's dressed up for the night in a lobster bib. In fact, Russ and Norm once went to a Halloween party dressed as Gilligan and the Skipper.
Of course, not every moment is jolly for the husky blonde gentleman. The day after Chris Farley's death a little girl he didn't know pointed at him and screamed in horror, "Chris Farley! Chris Farley! Chris Farley!" Norm quickly got over that shocking moment and returned to his normally ebullient self.
Norm relishes in his role as "the fat guy." Always being charming and self-deprecating in such a way that seems to flick that "He's a big teddy bear" switch in women. In fact, he often says he doesn't like it when another fat guy is in the group, and he often wishes he could just walk up to fat guy # 2 and say, "Hey man, I've got this one covered."
Of course, not every moment is jolly for the husky blonde gentleman. The day after Chris Farley's death a little girl he didn't know pointed at him and screamed in horror, "Chris Farley! Chris Farley! Chris Farley!" Norm quickly got over that shocking moment and returned to his normally ebullient self.
Norm relishes in his role as "the fat guy." Always being charming and self-deprecating in such a way that seems to flick that "He's a big teddy bear" switch in women. In fact, he often says he doesn't like it when another fat guy is in the group, and he often wishes he could just walk up to fat guy # 2 and say, "Hey man, I've got this one covered."
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Norm and his Harajuku Girls
Our good friend Norm is getting married in January and I recently hosted a bachelor party for him. Norm is a fantastic guy who bears a striking resemblance in looks, girth, and personality to comedian, Kevin James. And it's just a little comical that this large blonde man is marrying a very sweet, very small woman of Japanese descent.
Anyways, I was talking with two women who were of Asian descent about restaurants to eat at for his bachelor party. They said, "Who's getting married?"
I said, "My good buddy. He looks and acts just like Kevin James from the King of Queens"
They were both like, "Oh my God. I love Kevin James!"
"Oooh, Isn't Kevin James married to a little Filipina woman?" said the first Asian woman
"I love him in Hitch," Said the second Asian woman. She then started to do the Q-tip dance from the movie.
I immediately told Norm this story and how taken it seemed that all Asian women were with him.
Norm seemed nonplussed, "What can I say? It's a sumo culture."
Anyways, I was talking with two women who were of Asian descent about restaurants to eat at for his bachelor party. They said, "Who's getting married?"
I said, "My good buddy. He looks and acts just like Kevin James from the King of Queens"
They were both like, "Oh my God. I love Kevin James!"
"Oooh, Isn't Kevin James married to a little Filipina woman?" said the first Asian woman
"I love him in Hitch," Said the second Asian woman. She then started to do the Q-tip dance from the movie.
I immediately told Norm this story and how taken it seemed that all Asian women were with him.
Norm seemed nonplussed, "What can I say? It's a sumo culture."
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Sophistication
This weekend, Mike and I joined some friends of ours at a BYOB restaurant. For those of you who aren't familiar with the concept, BYOB is a policy that some restaurants have that allows the customer to bring their own booze.
90% of the BYOB population usually brings a bottle of wine. Not Mike, though. As soon as Mike was seated, he lovingly fished a 40 oz bottle of Miller High Life out of a brown paper bag and proceeded to pour a few ounces into a wine glass. He spun the glass in his hand to air out the beer and then gave it a deep sniff.
"Ah, carefully aged from a little vineyard I know of in Milwaukee," Mike said before he took the first sip of his Chateau High Life.
After some odd stares from other patrons of the restaurant, Mike exclaimed, "What? It says right here on the label, 'The Champagne of Beers.'"
Monday, November 21, 2005
Contest #2
Think your law school sucks? Tell us why. The reasons could range anywhere from ridiculous adminstrative policies to some retarded graduation requirements or any other reason that you think your law school is worse than all the rest. Send your stories to barelylegalblog@gmail.com. Of course, you (and your school) can stay anonymous if you wish.
The Many Angry, Ugly Faces of Dingus
When you're a horrible drunk and even worse human being there are a lot of inevitabilities: Bar fights, destroyed relationships, and jail time. But if you're a 95 pound 20 year old, no one will go to the bar with you, no girl will date you, and the police will let you off with a juvenile's warning.
This was the fate of Dingus, the fraternity brother everybody loved to hate.
I know what a lot of you are already thinking, "Why would you even hang out with someone you hated." Well, first of all he's a fraternity brother, he's basically legally entitled to attend all the fraternities' events. Secondly, Lots of people did just ignore him. He once confronted me in an angry, drunken rage and said, "I know you and Mike are always making fun of me." to which I gave the brutally honest and ego crashing answer, "Dingus, who else even talks to you." Third, there is something in the male psyche that begs oneself to watch impending tragedy, whether a bug under a magnifying glass or angry weakling with a fifth of Captain Morgan in him.
Luckily for us, Dingus never did fail to provide several humorous outbursts. These are his stories (hopefully they can translate to the written word unlike 99% of fraternity "you had to be there" stories):
# 1: Picking on Patty
Pat, probably the most docile and nicest fraternity brother decided one day to drop the Mr. Nice Guy act and actually pick on Dingus for a change. Dingus, apparently, didn't care how insulted he was but rather who insulted him. Dingus let out one of his gravely, Beavis-esque, "Fuck You's" and hurled a beer at Patty's head. No real damage was done, due to Dingus' scrawniness, despite contact being made. Mike and I then begged Pat to give Dingus a justified beating. Pat, like everyone else Dingus has ever bothered, found it too pathetic to try to fight a 90 lbs man.
# 2: Fighting for the Bottom of the Totem Pole.
I wish Dingus was our fraternity's only scrawny loser but I'm afraid he wasn't. Dingus had his rival for the bottom of the totem pole in CJ, a scrawny little bullshit artist who decided it would be funny to kick Dingus in the balls at the beginning of a party. Dingus was still sober then so he didn't do anything about the attack except complain about it. All through the night, Dingus nursed his balls and his beer telling everyone, "That fuckin' CJ kicked me in the balls." By the end of the night, six hours after the original incident, Dingus ran out of people to complain to and walked up to CJ and punched him in the face without a word. Everyone shook their heads in disappointment at these two straw men and suggested that Dingus go to bed.
# 3: I Keep My Friends Close, But My Enemies Closer.
Nobody could stand Dingus or CJ so, naturally, they had to move in together. CJ had actually managed to get himself a cute girlfriend which really took the edge of the angry, drunk, Beavis voice CJ had to listen to every day. At a kegger one night, I "tricked" CJ's girlfriend into taking off her top in front of me and 10 other guys. Word of this event spread room to room throughout the 6 bedroom off-campus house. Finally we heard the news reach the room next to us: a gravely Beavis-esque howl cried out, "This is fuckin' bullshit! Everyone gets to see them but the roommate!"
Ah, Dingus. You were actually a nice guy when you were sober and we always treated you that way when you were sober. I heard you're now a CPA in Kansas City. I hope you're in a program or something.
This was the fate of Dingus, the fraternity brother everybody loved to hate.
I know what a lot of you are already thinking, "Why would you even hang out with someone you hated." Well, first of all he's a fraternity brother, he's basically legally entitled to attend all the fraternities' events. Secondly, Lots of people did just ignore him. He once confronted me in an angry, drunken rage and said, "I know you and Mike are always making fun of me." to which I gave the brutally honest and ego crashing answer, "Dingus, who else even talks to you." Third, there is something in the male psyche that begs oneself to watch impending tragedy, whether a bug under a magnifying glass or angry weakling with a fifth of Captain Morgan in him.
Luckily for us, Dingus never did fail to provide several humorous outbursts. These are his stories (hopefully they can translate to the written word unlike 99% of fraternity "you had to be there" stories):
# 1: Picking on Patty
Pat, probably the most docile and nicest fraternity brother decided one day to drop the Mr. Nice Guy act and actually pick on Dingus for a change. Dingus, apparently, didn't care how insulted he was but rather who insulted him. Dingus let out one of his gravely, Beavis-esque, "Fuck You's" and hurled a beer at Patty's head. No real damage was done, due to Dingus' scrawniness, despite contact being made. Mike and I then begged Pat to give Dingus a justified beating. Pat, like everyone else Dingus has ever bothered, found it too pathetic to try to fight a 90 lbs man.
# 2: Fighting for the Bottom of the Totem Pole.
I wish Dingus was our fraternity's only scrawny loser but I'm afraid he wasn't. Dingus had his rival for the bottom of the totem pole in CJ, a scrawny little bullshit artist who decided it would be funny to kick Dingus in the balls at the beginning of a party. Dingus was still sober then so he didn't do anything about the attack except complain about it. All through the night, Dingus nursed his balls and his beer telling everyone, "That fuckin' CJ kicked me in the balls." By the end of the night, six hours after the original incident, Dingus ran out of people to complain to and walked up to CJ and punched him in the face without a word. Everyone shook their heads in disappointment at these two straw men and suggested that Dingus go to bed.
# 3: I Keep My Friends Close, But My Enemies Closer.
Nobody could stand Dingus or CJ so, naturally, they had to move in together. CJ had actually managed to get himself a cute girlfriend which really took the edge of the angry, drunk, Beavis voice CJ had to listen to every day. At a kegger one night, I "tricked" CJ's girlfriend into taking off her top in front of me and 10 other guys. Word of this event spread room to room throughout the 6 bedroom off-campus house. Finally we heard the news reach the room next to us: a gravely Beavis-esque howl cried out, "This is fuckin' bullshit! Everyone gets to see them but the roommate!"
Ah, Dingus. You were actually a nice guy when you were sober and we always treated you that way when you were sober. I heard you're now a CPA in Kansas City. I hope you're in a program or something.
Friday, November 18, 2005
Doncha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me
I've posted before about how I have a poor opinion of strippers. I just don't get strip clubs, they're basically just a bar with better scenery and higher prices. When I'm in a bar, I prefer talking a girl into getting naked over at my place rather than giving her a dollar bill to see her naked immediately.
My disdain for strippers has gotten me into trouble, though. A few years ago I was at a strip club when some girl took the stage who I thought was really beautiful.
Russ: Wow! You are really gorgeous. You kind of look like my ex-girlfriend.
Stripper: Hmmm. Ya, you're pretty cute, yourself. I could see you dating a girl like me.
Russ: Hey. Don't get too high on yourself.
Stripper: Take your own advice, asshole! (gives me the finger)
My disdain for strippers has gotten me into trouble, though. A few years ago I was at a strip club when some girl took the stage who I thought was really beautiful.
Russ: Wow! You are really gorgeous. You kind of look like my ex-girlfriend.
Stripper: Hmmm. Ya, you're pretty cute, yourself. I could see you dating a girl like me.
Russ: Hey. Don't get too high on yourself.
Stripper: Take your own advice, asshole! (gives me the finger)
Thursday, November 17, 2005
End of an Era
It had to happen some time. At long last, my Cal Ripken-esque streak has ended. In retrospect, I can't believe it lasted this long. The last time it happened was Contracts, November of my first year. Sure, there were some near misses...My streak almost ended less than a year after it started, in Con Law II, but I was absent that day. A constant seat in the back row, a spotty attendance record and some good old fashioned luck played a big part too. But today, it, like all good things, came to an end.
I am talking, of course, about my long streak of not being asked to explain a case in class.
Sure, I have been called on a few times during the streak, to give a one word answer or asked for my thoughts on a topic, and I can always fake my way through that. And yes, earlier this year I volunteered to explain a case (which I hadn't actually read, by the way) in a class when the professor said that anyone who volunteered would be immune for the rest of the semester. But for what amounts to two full years of law school, I was never put on the spot to explain a case that was assigned for the benefit of the class. Until today.
I was in Evidence, one of the few 3Ls in that class who neglected to take it last year. I sit in the way, way back row with some fellow 3Ls, who were all absent. I was slouched way down in my chair, with my Rules book open, but I wasn't paying attention because I was looking out the window. The professor instructed us to open our case books to the assigned reading, which I hadn't bothered doing. Then, walking the aisle, she pointed at me and asked me to explain the case to the class. I opened my book to the case and looked at it for a second. The professor asked a question about the case...I hesitated, and then said, "I'm not sure". The professor asked why not, and I responded "Well, because I haven't read it." Slightly peeved but sensing my 3L apathy, the professor asked a perky and well-prepared 2L who was sitting in front of me. I closed my case book and went back to staring out the window.
Tommorrow I am going to show up unprepared again and ready to start another streak.
I am talking, of course, about my long streak of not being asked to explain a case in class.
Sure, I have been called on a few times during the streak, to give a one word answer or asked for my thoughts on a topic, and I can always fake my way through that. And yes, earlier this year I volunteered to explain a case (which I hadn't actually read, by the way) in a class when the professor said that anyone who volunteered would be immune for the rest of the semester. But for what amounts to two full years of law school, I was never put on the spot to explain a case that was assigned for the benefit of the class. Until today.
I was in Evidence, one of the few 3Ls in that class who neglected to take it last year. I sit in the way, way back row with some fellow 3Ls, who were all absent. I was slouched way down in my chair, with my Rules book open, but I wasn't paying attention because I was looking out the window. The professor instructed us to open our case books to the assigned reading, which I hadn't bothered doing. Then, walking the aisle, she pointed at me and asked me to explain the case to the class. I opened my book to the case and looked at it for a second. The professor asked a question about the case...I hesitated, and then said, "I'm not sure". The professor asked why not, and I responded "Well, because I haven't read it." Slightly peeved but sensing my 3L apathy, the professor asked a perky and well-prepared 2L who was sitting in front of me. I closed my case book and went back to staring out the window.
Tommorrow I am going to show up unprepared again and ready to start another streak.
Slackers Unite!
For my clinic, one of my client's is a woman whose car was repossessed, ostensibly, because her payment was 2 days late.
I relish the fact that I am essentially part of a "Slackers' Defense League." When will my people ever find peace?
I relish the fact that I am essentially part of a "Slackers' Defense League." When will my people ever find peace?
More Law Nerd Stuff
I just posted about my intellectial laziness, and it reminded me of a conversation I was having with a reader the other day. She brought up a Federal judge, and I had to confess that I had no idea who it was. It's not that I wouldn't be unable to discuss the Federal judiciary if I wanted to; I could. But the thing is, I just don't care. I'm sorry. I just don't. Maybe I could name all the member of the Supreme Court...let's see, there is Scalia, Thomas, Ginsberg, Kennedy...umm...Souter (sp?)...Brennen or Brenner or something...um...Rehnquist is dead...the new guy, Mumbly Joe or whatever his name is...and O'Connor is gone...Oh well, I tried.
But anyway, I just had a great idea. I am going to make Federal Judge trading cards. This way all the law nerds can bring their love of law home with them. Can't you just see two law review EICs tearing open a pack of Federal Judiciary cards?
EIC #1: Awesome! I got a Danny Boggs, Chief Judge in the 6th Circuit. (Flips over card). Whoa, 22 dissenting opinions in 1998.
EIC #2: Who cares? I got a Rehnquist memorial card with a piece of his robe embedded in the card! This thing has got to be worth a ton!
EIC #1: Ooh, let me see!
EIC #2: No way, get your own!
EIC #1: I'm telling the law review advisor on you!
But anyway, I just had a great idea. I am going to make Federal Judge trading cards. This way all the law nerds can bring their love of law home with them. Can't you just see two law review EICs tearing open a pack of Federal Judiciary cards?
EIC #1: Awesome! I got a Danny Boggs, Chief Judge in the 6th Circuit. (Flips over card). Whoa, 22 dissenting opinions in 1998.
EIC #2: Who cares? I got a Rehnquist memorial card with a piece of his robe embedded in the card! This thing has got to be worth a ton!
EIC #1: Ooh, let me see!
EIC #2: No way, get your own!
EIC #1: I'm telling the law review advisor on you!
Another Way To Be Lazy
My rant yesterday about asking guest speakers questions brought on a few dissenting IMs, one which struck me more than others. The reader said "you should try and learn a lot from guest speakers because they are probably experts in their field". I told this (cough...dork...cough) reader that if I am not interested in the field to begin with, then I am not going to care what some expert says. "Then maybe you are just intellectually lazy", the reader told me.
This stung a bit (although I'm not sure why), so I asked Russ.
Me: Russ, do you find most guest speakers to be pretty boring?
Russ: Yeah, unless it's a topic I am really into, which rarely happens.
Me: But if it's not...who are these people who get so into it and ask poignant and incisive questions?
Russ: I don't know....nerds?
Me: Well that's a given...but if we don't care, does that make us intellectually lazy?
Russ: Probably.
Okay, so it's confirmed, I am intellectually lazy. Add that to the list of physically lazy and emotionally lazy. Up next: Mike tackles metaphysical laziness.
This stung a bit (although I'm not sure why), so I asked Russ.
Me: Russ, do you find most guest speakers to be pretty boring?
Russ: Yeah, unless it's a topic I am really into, which rarely happens.
Me: But if it's not...who are these people who get so into it and ask poignant and incisive questions?
Russ: I don't know....nerds?
Me: Well that's a given...but if we don't care, does that make us intellectually lazy?
Russ: Probably.
Okay, so it's confirmed, I am intellectually lazy. Add that to the list of physically lazy and emotionally lazy. Up next: Mike tackles metaphysical laziness.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Random Rant #4
Do you know what bugs me more than anything else? The people who have no "wrapping it up" anticipation and ask questions to a professor or guest speaker just as that person is about to stop talking and possibly let you go early. (Note: This applies mostly towards classes which meet once a week and extra-curricular speakers. No matter what, I am not there voluntarily).
Being an observer of people, I have a very acute sense of when somebody has had their fill of stroking their ego by talking to a room full of bored listeners. Or maybe everyone has this sense and I am just stroking my own ego. But either way, it is easy to tell. Their ramblings become more conclusory, their words tend to trail off a bit, they seem to ease up because they know they are done. And then you hear, "Any questions?"
This is the most tense time of the speech. I look around nervously, trying to determine if anyone in the room is going to raise their hand. Hold for one second...nobody...Hold for another second...nobody...Hold for a third second...Oh my god, we might get out of here now...yessss, this is finally over...and....SON OF A BITCH...a hand shoots up. Great, now we are stuck here for an undetermined period of time.
Apparently these people never got the memo that says that you don't ask people questions when the end of their speech means the end of confinement. This should be part of the common trust held between all students. We are in this together. Don't be that guy (or girl). Fight that urge to hear your own voice. We will all appreciate it greatly.
Being an observer of people, I have a very acute sense of when somebody has had their fill of stroking their ego by talking to a room full of bored listeners. Or maybe everyone has this sense and I am just stroking my own ego. But either way, it is easy to tell. Their ramblings become more conclusory, their words tend to trail off a bit, they seem to ease up because they know they are done. And then you hear, "Any questions?"
This is the most tense time of the speech. I look around nervously, trying to determine if anyone in the room is going to raise their hand. Hold for one second...nobody...Hold for another second...nobody...Hold for a third second...Oh my god, we might get out of here now...yessss, this is finally over...and....SON OF A BITCH...a hand shoots up. Great, now we are stuck here for an undetermined period of time.
Apparently these people never got the memo that says that you don't ask people questions when the end of their speech means the end of confinement. This should be part of the common trust held between all students. We are in this together. Don't be that guy (or girl). Fight that urge to hear your own voice. We will all appreciate it greatly.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
A Professor Actually Said This To Me.
Professor: Russell, you'd better get familiar with the law and the facts of this case. Your charm will only carry you so far.
My thoughts: Maybe that's only as far as I want to go.
Translation of my thoughts: Maybe I only want to be a personal injury attorney.
My thoughts: Maybe that's only as far as I want to go.
Translation of my thoughts: Maybe I only want to be a personal injury attorney.
Lousy Karma...
Ike, enjoying a snooze after making me look foolishEarlier today, I made fun of some guy who I saw slip and fall in the mud. Well, sometimes karma is a bitch. Just a little bit ago, I took my English Bulldog Ike out to do his business. I was wearing flip-flops, shorts, and a sweatshirt. Ike did his thing, and I bent over to clean it up. I had his leash wrapped around my hand. Just as I was standing up, he took off after a squirrel. Not expecting this little tank to go into full gear, and having no traction with my flip-flops, my feet slipped out from under me and I did a giant ass plant on the saturated ground. Ike then turned around, came up to me, and licked me on the face.
But, unlike my friend from earlier, I came inside and changed my clothes. And nobody saw me. So I stick by my decision to make fun of him. Try again, Cosmos.
Bad Day
My school's parking lot is across the street from the building, and is separated from the street by a small grassy hill. Instead of walking around to the sidewalk, most people cut over this hill on their way to and from the parking lot.
It rained hard last night and was still drizzling this morning. The ground was quite wet and the path worn by people walking on the hill was muddy. I walked around today, not wanting to risk getting muddy. However, not everybody saw the risks that I did. One poor chump, in a hurry, decided to brave the muddy little hill in his dress pants and oxfords. As he started to make the descent, his feet gave out and he did a huge ass plant right in the wet grass. He quickly stood up, surveyed the damage (a huge wet muddy spot on his ass and lower back), and shockingly, continued on into school.
Now, I know that law school is the end all be all of some people's existence, but Jesus Christ pal, if there was ever a good reason to go home and just call it a day, you had it.
It rained hard last night and was still drizzling this morning. The ground was quite wet and the path worn by people walking on the hill was muddy. I walked around today, not wanting to risk getting muddy. However, not everybody saw the risks that I did. One poor chump, in a hurry, decided to brave the muddy little hill in his dress pants and oxfords. As he started to make the descent, his feet gave out and he did a huge ass plant right in the wet grass. He quickly stood up, surveyed the damage (a huge wet muddy spot on his ass and lower back), and shockingly, continued on into school.
Now, I know that law school is the end all be all of some people's existence, but Jesus Christ pal, if there was ever a good reason to go home and just call it a day, you had it.
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