Metaphorically Maternal

Among his ongoing commentaries about the politics and poker in America today, bix links to Ellen Goodman’s article about Nancy Pelosi – but he left out something Goodman said that I’d like to highlight.

Goodman says
It's barely a week since Nancy Pelosi became minority leader, and there's already been a regime change of metaphors. Out with sports; in with food…… On ''Meet the Press,'' the woman who became head of the Democratic Household cheerily compared her postelection fate to the patriotic poultry…… ''You know the story. It's like the Thanksgiving turkey,'' she said. ''You bring it out, you get this great honor, everybody oohs and ahs ... and then they begin to carve you up.'

Having worked for almost twenty years for the CEO of a government agency division who is a woman and who made a point of using non-sports metaphors, I saw how a corporate culture is affected by the metaphorical language used by its leader. My former boss tends to use family and home-based metaphors, which reflect a collaborative, sibling approach to management. Most of the managers reporting to her are men, and their tendency is to use sports metaphors, which reflect competitive, hierarchical values. Over the years, her metaphors have reinforced the management messages she tries to communicate. The culture of the organization has become such that employees from other parts of the agency keep looking for job openings with her operation. And, under her leadership, the units for which she is responsible have gained great respect and support from the government agencies that provide her funding.

Language. Voice. Metaphor. More powerful than the sword -- for both good and ill.
(double posted on my own blog)

holiday gift idea - to benefit breast and ovarian cancer research

I heard about this calendar at work and thought it looked like a great gift idea for the holidays. Proceeds benefit breast cancer and ovarian cancer research, and the cost seems pretty reasonable.



Joyce Ostin, a professional photographer and cancer survivor did the photography. She took these photos in the homes of celebrities who are supporting breast cancer awareness, like Julianna Margulies, Peggy Lipton, Kyra Sedgwick, and others. Pretty cool.

News on women in technology.

http://sanfrancisco.bizjournals.com/sanfrancisco/stories/2002/11/18/story3.html

From Bizjournals.com, comments on women that are currently holding key positions in technology related corporations.

Solitude vs. Company

Charles Murtaugh cites Caitlin Flanagan on what women apparently crave:

The photography in her [Martha Stewart] various publications seems to reduce all of female longing to its essential elements. A basket of flowers, a child's lawn pinafore draped across a painted rocking chair, an exceptionally white towel folded in thirds and perched in glamorous isolation on a clean and barren shelf: most of the pictures feature a lot of sunlight, and many show rooms that are either empty of people or occupied solely by Martha, evoking the profound and enduring female desires for solitude and silence. No heterosexual man can understand this stuff, and no woman with a beating heart and an ounce of femininity can resist it.

He comments:

I'll take her word for it. And perhaps women will take my word that many men, at least the men I know, crave almost precisely the opposite: not solitude, but company, and specifically the company of other men.

Are women really such lone wolves? Or are we just saying that we are in order to exert our independence?

Looking for "Normal People Are Not Exceptional"

I'm trying to find where I can get a copy of this film as a holiday present for my son b!X. I guess it played on the International Channel; I don't get it and he missed it. And he can't locate it anywhere through Net searches. Anyone out there know?

Is this for real?

Restrooms of the Future.

31 years of being a woman, and I had no idea this was possible!

New Yahoo Group

I have been unhappy with the blog groups available, So i am starting a new one.



Click to subscribe to Blogging_Community


I am attempting to create a group that you actually want to join and stay in.

Girl Culture

Found via the illustrious Mena Trott, is an online photo essay based on the Lauren Greenfield book Girl Culture. I thought it was intriguing:

"If I don't dress well, I feel geeky. And if I feel nice, I feel like people like me. Fashionable clothing is way better and cool."
- Lily, 6 years old

"Everybody's got to make fun of somebody else. People make fun of me all the time because I'm overweight. It's just something you try to hide from, I guess. You don't want other people to see."
- Lisa, 13 years old

"I know I play into that image out there, but I try to say it is a fantasy. I look at my own pictures and wish I could look like that."
- Cindy Margolis, "The World's Most Downloaded Woman"

"I have really mixed feelings about the story of Cinderella. Of course, it's every girl's dream to find Prince Charming and marry and have a nice life. But Cinderella can't do anything for herself. She's dependent on the fact that Prince Charming's gonna come and take her, and if it weren't for him she would probably stay there, you know?"
- Ruby, 15 years old

Poignant stuff.

Invitation

I would like to invite fellow blog sisters to visit my blog. BlogData
If you read my posts you'll find blog related content, news, links, resources, and discussion. Please feel free to send me articles or news. I enjoy networking within the blogging community. My blog has a personal/professional feel with mixed content its on the techie side without being pretentious or nerdy.

Interact!!! Thanks

Blogger in Wonderland

I am here but I don't really understand. I clicked the invitation link, entered my account name and password then suddenly I am at the post page.

Well, I guess I am in now and I will figure it out from here.

Juggling frogs

After months of languishing on the sidebar link list, Blogger has finally given me write access to BlogSisters. So, hi there!

I'm currently travelling in Southeast Asia, where women's lives are rather different to the one I led in Brooklyn. Here's a taste from Vietnam, taken from When Heaven and Earth Changed Places by Le Ly's Hayslip. The spirit, if not the substance, may ring true for working mothers in the west.

'In the north, an unusual rice festival among minority groups involves a competition between unmarried women. The task is to cook a pot of rice, suspended from a pole attached to the woman's back by a sash. Each woman must quickly chew a stick of sugarcane to produce fiber for the fire, then balance a pot of rice over the fire. To make the task more difficult, each woman is also given an infant to hold and must contain a frog with a 1.5-meter diameter circle around the fire. The winner is the one who makes the best-tasting rice in the shortest time, keeps the frog contained, and sufficiently soothes the terrified infant.'

play's the thing....

RageBoy’s post about playing, which links to several other playful male bloggers, affirmed what I was feeling all along in reading some of those posts on these guys’ weblogs. I don’t play the way these guys play, so their play doesn’t seem very playful to me. And I have a feeling that other women bloggers (and non-) feel the same way. Boys tend to love rough and tumble, sucker punches, messy wrestle on the ground get dirt in your mouth play. These male bloggers are playing like that metaphorically. Girls tend not to play the same way as boys. And women tend not to play like men.

So that’s why, when I read this, I think, wow, good blogging, great writing. But when I read some of his other stuff, I think, what a waste of time.

As I read some of the posts at Blog Sisters, I don't see much playfulness. What do we sound like when we're being playful? And why aren't we moreso in our blogs?

Personally, I suspect it's because while the boys are out playing, we're the ones who are dealing with the stuff of every day life survival that's not so much fun. Maybe if we had more support for those things from the men in our lives (and in "life" in general), we'd be more inclined to play more, and our weblogs would reflect this. But I still don't think our play would sound - or feel -- the same as that of our male friends. What do you think?

(double posted on kalilily.net.)

don't forget...

i love the recent posts here, from six-foot woman to bouncer/superhero combo. Where else you gonna find out about these things? That's all. That's all I have to add here this week. The only other thing I want to say is please, answer any or all of the questions on the Blog Sisters Survey, or write your own women and blogging ideas, and send me your thoughts.... good weekend all!

jeneane

Terrifica to the Rescue

Topping Blogdex today is the story of a woman in NYC who dresses up as a superhero, hangs around bars, and intervenes when women too far into their cups look like they're about to be taken advantage of. I'm such a nerd, I think it's almost cooler that someone's willing to walk around regularly in mask/cape/boots, but what she's doing seems to be good-hearted, if a little odd and maybe heavy-handed and extreme (and I have to admit, I'm still wondering if it's some kind of hoax-- she even has a velvet-wearing "supervillain" counterpart called Fantastico who likes to be a ladies' man). The article states she created the idea of the superhero character after arriving alone in NYC and feeling vulnerable to the advances of men as a single 20-something. Seems like she prefers the single life to dating games:

"To feel like you have to go to a bar, to put yourself out there, feeling like you have worth only when you're married, engaged, or have a boyfriend, that's weakness," Terrifica says. "People are happiest when they're alone and living their solitary lives."

I find it hard to agree with that last statement, but I'm sure there are at least a few women she's talked to who have avoided some morning-after dread.

Lingerie Barbie

The Lingerie Barbie is stirring up a fuss. On the local news last night a furious dad stated he refused to buy the product for his Barbie-loving daughter (it looked like she had just about everything Barbie, including a house) and he was shocked to see it in the FAO Schwarz catalog. I found it odd that there wasn't much focus on the fact that the toy was recommended for 14 year olds and older (his daughter must have been about 7 or so).

I've long been a big UN-fan of Barbie in general, but this new model doesn't bother me so much-- she's kind of just a blatant example of what, to me, Barbie is about anyway. The angry dad on the news was upset about the sexual suggestiveness of the toy, but apparently has no problem letting his daughter play with lots of blonde, unrealistically shaped dolls that promote sexism in a more insidious way. Is this your idea of femininity? I don't want to come down too hard on Barbie dolls. I had one (and only one, and she got pretty beat up) and other dolls as a little girl. But I also had Legos, an electrical circuit experimentation kit, a microscope, etc., etc., and so on. With the Barbie franchise putting out products in the past like a credit card Barbie and a talking Barbie that said, "Math is hard!" it's hard to see how Barbies are supposed to be taken seriously or especially edifying for kids anyway.

Counselling Teens in (Potentially?) Abusive Relationships

I'm trying to collect some online resources about unhealthy and emotionally abusive relationships. I'm involved in a community forum that seems to have a great deal of teenage girls. I never really took notice before, but ever since they implemented a special topic area for teens, I've been disturbed by the relationships a number of these girls are describing. They are so incredibly desperate and clingy. One, and I'm not exaggerating, went into a panic and blamed herself because she called her boyfriend while he was driving, and the cops started following him. Another, it seems to me, is 6 months away from "he hit me, but I made him so mad and he didn't mean it and he loves me soooo much."

I've found some resources about emotional abuse - symptoms, signs of an abuser, etc. - but while I recognize these characteristics, I'm not sure these girls would. Does anyone have any good resources? Maybe even just on self-esteem, dealing with a cheater, long distance relationships, etc. Preferrably focused on teen relationships.

Thanks in advance!

Gender Gap: Boys Lagging

This story from 60 Minutes, about the growing trend in girls academically outperforming boys, was brought up by a student in my class recently. It struck me when I heard the story broadcast (I sometimes listen to a television program on the radio), that the performance issue is interesting when one considers that there continues to be a lag in women's earnings. An excerpt from the story:

"Why aren’t boys’ academic problems a bigger issue? “There's a little cultural secret at work here. Boys go out in the work world and earn more money,” says Thompson. “Nobody wants to admit what's happening, which is, 'You girls work very hard, but sorry, ladies, when you get out there, we're not going to pay you equally. And you boys, it's OK. You can loaf through school. You'll get good jobs afterwards.'”

What is "free"?

My Meidel is the Centerfold

I was just rifling through the Bitch Magazine archives and came across the above-linked article by Deborah Kolben about the first Jewish Playboy bunny, Lindsey Vuolo.

Kolben's thesis is that Vuolo, by posing nude, is defying the stereotypes that paint Jewish women.

As the self-proclaimed first-ever synagogue-attending Jewish centerfold, Lindsey finds herself heralding a new generation of young Jewish women seeking appreciation for their bodies as well as their minds.

Kolben presents the binary that a woman can only be appreciated for either her mind or her body. This is a sexist construct. The only way to defeat this construct is to exist outside of it; NOT to flip the binary, to insist that, dammit, you will accept me for my mind AND my hot bod!

If that isn't giving the patriarchy what it wants, I don't know what is.

From Bradley Hirschfield, rabbi and vice president of the National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership,

“Now you have Jewish men who will go home and masturbate to a Jewish girl for a change,” Hirschfield enthuses on Beliefnet, a website devoted to religious discourse.

Hardly something for a feminist to get excited about.

Kolben goes on to say,

Lindsey falls along a continuum of progress for Jewish women that began in 1945 when Bess Myerson, a brunette from the Bronx, became the first and only Jewish woman to win the title of Miss America.

Sexual objectification = freedom. On what planet?

Petition time!

CODE PINK | Women's Pre-Emptive Strike for Peace
Though the big SF/DC anti-war rally has come and gone, we can still sign this peace petition. There's a pretty heavy essentialist slant to this particular organization ;), but the bottom line is their over 10,000 signature strong petition.

And, hey, Medea Benjamin has something to do with this, so it must be legit :D

RIP Senator Paul Wellstone.

nasty windy days!!!

wasnt the weather scary yesterday!!! i was supposed to be meeting a friend in the afternoon but we both decided that we would not leave the house for fear of being blown over!!!!!!!! seems to be quite calm today tho, which is nice!

tragedy strikes...and if you're a Democrat, your support is now needed more than ever.

I always thought Senator Paul Wellstone was one of the few Washington politicians that I could respect and admire.
In the words of his campaign manager: "Paul Wellstone was one of a kind. He was a man of principle and conviction, in a world that has too little of either. He was dedicated to helping the little guy, in a business dominated by the big guys. We who had the privilege of working with him hope that he will be remembered as he lived every day: as a champion for people."
The following information comes from the MoveOn.Org PAC mailing list:
"Right now, to our knowledge, neither the campaign nor Wellstone's remaining two sons have announced how they would like his death to be commemorated. If you wish to send a letter of condolence to his campaign, you can mail it to the following address:

Wellstone for Senate Campaign Headquarters
PO Box 14377
St. Paul, MN 55114

Make sure that you write "In memory" on the outside of the letter --
that way the campaign will be able to sort the mail more easily."

This is such a tragedy. I really don't know what to say, except my heart goes out to the people of Minnesota.
And, that now more than ever, we need to remember:



[cross-posted at cocokat in slumberland.]

Oh, one more thing....

The survey responses are beginning to roll on in.... Don't forget to complete yours! Thanks! [p.s., these little reminders will appear from time to time over the next two weeks... for those of us who are memory challenged.]

Terrence Real on Oprah Monday

I received an email today from Terrence Real's assistant. It gives details on his upcomimg appearance on Oprah this coming Monday at 4:00--check your local listing to be sure. Terry Real has written some important books on relationships: How Can I Get Through to You: Reconnecting Men and Women and I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression.

Elaine talks about the books here.

Halley talks about the latest book here.

Terry Real says this about the Oprah gig:

"I wanted to share my excitement with you. On Monday Oct 28th at 4pm Eastern Standard (check your local listings in your area) I will appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show talking about "the reality of marriage " - a subject for which I am at no loss of words. The show deals with women's relationship to their wedding and then what happens after. I'm the "after" part. I thought everyone on the show was great."

He encourages feedback through his website and Oprah's. Should be an interesting show. I plan to watch--if you do, let me know what you think here or at ewriter@bellsouth.net. I'll collect the comments for Dr. Real or send him to our site.

Thanks!!

Her site's pretty cool

Hello there! Wassup?

Hello there

new here

Umm...not sure what I am supposed to say or do...I am new....If I want to put a link to this where do I link to here http://blogsisters.blogspot.com/ .
Also Can i use the blogsisters logo picture?

Just Chillin'

Hiya, 'sup? I wanted to add this blog sister's site to mine, u know like a "sites I read" thingy? But I dunnoe how to do it. I reallie want to put it on my site cos this site's interesting! ;) Newayz, I dun even noe how to do my archives on my site. Visit my site & drop a post for me if ya want to?
http://www.allyville.blogspot.com

Greetings!!!

Hello! I'm Helen, or Lady H to my friends. I'm 23 and i live and work in Liverpool (uk). I enjoy web design, music and socialising with my friends. Good god i sound like a lonely hearts ad dont i!!! eek!!! anyways, i'm glad to be part of this, i think its brilliant. I'll come back soon and post something worthwhile i promise!!!

Want to tell me about you and blogging?

Hello all. It's time. To say something to the world about women bloggers. Some good books have come out recently on weblogging and I've enjoyed every one of them. But I've also felt that while they do an excellent job at explaining the what, when, and how of weblogging, none have really tackled the who and why. So here I am. Looking to all of the women bloggers who play and share here, for your permission to use posts from your weblogs, and to ask if you'd like to tackle a survey form--write your hearts out, in other words.

I'm looking to write a book, possibly a series of articles, on the topic of women and weblogging, our voices online, how writing online (and what we write online) is affecting our relationships with others, ourselves, our world, and more. Although I can't pay you for your contributions, I'll give the contributors I use in publication credit for your contributions with your name (or pseudonym if you choose) and your weblog URL.

Want to start sharing? Let's get jiggy with it.

Open the RTF file below. Save it to your hard drive, wherever, with the file name of your choice (your name or blog name would be good). Have your say. Save again. And attach as an email back to me at ewriter@bellsouth.net. I'll add the link to the survey to the margin as well, so as this post drops down you'll know where to find it. Feel free to send to other women webloggers too. (And don't worry, I'll get the fellas' input along the way, if, when, and where it's fitting.) Thanks a ton!

BLOG SISTERS SURVEY!

Speaking of Societal Measures of Masculinity...

I found over at Uppity Negro this interesting, though maybe over-vocabularized article, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and notions of masculinity. The article focuses on one of the long-standing male villians, a vampire named Spike, who started out as the worst kind of violent, macho baddie; became, through a government microchip, impotent as a vampire (it prevented him from inflicting any pain on a human being by causing a massive headache); and is now struggling with a full-on human conscience/soul (OK, remember, this tv show is very fictional ;-) ) in a demon's body.

The article finds parallels to the struggle of the modern Western male, who with the recent rise in female empowerment and status as of the turn of the century, needs to find new ways to express the masculine ideal in terms of status symbols, behavior, and appearance. What I found somewhat disappointing, though, was what I felt was a not very thorough examination of the character history of Spike. What the article doesn't mention is Spike's beginning as a vampire: he was once a failed poet, and essentially an utter failure as the "traditional" ideal of masculine. He was effeminite, sentimental, unattractive to women, and also a really sucky poet. After being socially rejected, he becomes a vampire, and takes on the hyper-macho personality of violence, strength, recklessness, and conventional male power. When finally confronted with a female equal (Buffy), he becomes emasculated again, only this time to (I think) gain the potential to grow beyond the stereotype of male-strong-violent-phallus-power. An interesting spiral of development, methinks. What the show then provides, is, perhaps (if you can believe that a television show about a teenage girl who is destined to kill demons can offer any kind of deep significance) a model for the modern man to accept a new form of gender idealism which doesn't focus solely on brute force and masculine strength.

I could go on, but that's enough blather for now. ;-)

"Men are always wrong...about women."

The above is a quote from a superbly produced play, "A Killing's Tale," written by my ex-husband and b!X's dad. The play, a murder mystery set in the Globe Theater during Shakespeare's time, has Shakespeare deliver the above line.

The play deserves a post all of its own, but that's not where I'm heading with this. I saw the play with a couple who are good friends of mine. I've known the woman, a lawyer and child advocate, for years; her live-in male companion has been with her for the past several years, and so I've gotten to know him through her.

The three of us went to dinner before the play, and, because we were going to see a play by my ex-husband, the conversation naturally meandered toward relationships and why they work and don't work. Now, the woman in this couple is liberal, feminist, creative, childless, and previously divorced. The man has kids from a previous marriage, is intelligent and well-read, and has a wry sense of humor. And he takes great pleasure in asserting Neanderthal attitudes about relationships and women. Yet, they seem to have a good time together.

She says it's because he makes her laugh, they enjoy doing the same kinds of things together (like taking me along with them to see a play); he doesn't care if she shaves her legs or under her armspits; he doesn't expect her to cook or clean (he's neater than she is and so he often does the cleaning). Neither tries to make the other into something he/she is not.

But she also says that if they had met during an earlier stage of their lives, they would have hated each other. They could never have raised children together. But they are at that last partnership stage of life where it's not necessary to agree on a lot of things. What one looks for is companionship, a sharing of everyday things good and bad, a good friend who makes you laugh and will travel with you even though he doesn't really like to fly.

They both loved the play -- which is full of wit and witticisms, has two strong women characters, and includes lots of relevant sub-themes, including homosexuality, religious censorship, and the complexities of male-female relationships. As the Shakespeare character demonstrates, talented playwrights do not necessarily good husbands make.

(This is also posted on my own weblog. I seem to be inclined these days to turn my back on the big disturbing polictical picture -- which seems so removed from anything that I can influence -- and focus more on the small, personal and interpersonal interactions that, to me as of late, seem more real and ultimately momentous.)

Vikkicar signing in...

Hi there. I'm new here. I got in last week or so. Have been checking the archives and the blogs of the sisters here. Having fun reading different blogs from different females perspectives. I am quite new in the blogging community as well. [started May of this year] At first, I was hesitant to make my blog public but finally got brave enough and finally decided to think out loud. [that's also the title of my blog]

I'm 26. I have a job but I don't like it. It was supposed to be a temp job but after four years I'm still at it. It's just hard to look for another job here in the Philippines. [tell me about it...] I'm grateful though that I have a job. At least, I get to buy stuffs and all that. Also, my boss is a relative and he happens to be really nice. Though next year, I have to decide whether I'm staying or going.

I don't smoke or drink, by choice. I don't like smokers who smokes in my way. That's a pet peeve. I'm a homebody. I'd rather stay home in front of my TV than go out to clubs. I'm rather fascinated with men in briefs/boxerbriefs rather than boxers. [that requires another post...teehee]

Dinner with friends and girltalkin' galore over a cup of [the beverage of choice] is one of the things I enjoy doing. Movies. Music. JANE Magazines. TV. Books. [can't get enough of them] I need more time. I don't interact with people that well. I'm quiet. I'm insomniac. I'm Aquarian. If you want to know more about me, just visit my utopia.

I am excited to be a part of this sisterhood though the image of the nun really creeps me out. Big time. Thank you Miss Elaine for sending me the invitation.

Have a fine weekend to all the ladies in here. Godbless.

The Sensuous Male

(This is a double post from my own weblog.)
He's on my mind today both because last night was Salsa dancing at Club Matrixx and because there are some current posts here on Blog Sisters complaining about having to deal with men ogling them and making ridiculous noises and gestures.

I think that many men are confused about the differences between sexist and sexy. In my opinion, many men don't have clue about "sensuality," especially their own. In my opinion, the guys who stand around and ogle women are completely out of touch with their own sensuality.

Contrast that with the guys out dancing Salsa last night. I don't know any of their names yet; I've only been there several times so far, and I go there to dance, not talk. And I do dance -- and the Salsa is a sensuous dance.

One short, paunchy, thinly gray-haired guy, always dressed in a suit, is the best dancer there. He feels the music; every move reflects the intention of every beat. He leads gently but assuredly, holds me firmly, close but not suffacatingly so; he watches and makes sure we keep in touch. He is short, paunchy, thinly gray-haired and marvelously sensual. He loves to dance. He likes women. He doesn't ogle. He's having too much fun. He stops me on my way out to say goodnight. I ask him to save me a few dances next week. You bet, he says.

Another, a young guy, glasses, nice looking, serious, shy, dressed down. His movements are smaller scaled but just as sensual. When we get into a groove, the patterns flowing as though we had choreographed them, his face breaks into a wide smile. His eyes twinkle. We are one with the music and the sensuality of the dance. He is in the moment. He doesn't ogle. He's having too much fun.

I'm 62 years old and past the age at which I get ogled by guys out of touch with their own sensuality. Boy, do those guys need to learn to Salsa!

Mananitas?

Here's one for the Blog Sisters, since we seem to have Sisters from just about every ethnic group on the planet:

I'm trying to find out about the origins and history of the "mananita," which, according to a photo in a yarn catalog, is a lacey shawl knit in a spiral. I can't find anything on the Web. Does anyone know???

Hello there. Lovely to be part of a Blog Sisters. Just an addition to the 350 periods. I've calculated exactly 289 for me and I don't have any kids! Whats even more of thought provoking is that each month at least one egg was unfurtilised. (we know about multiple eggs right?). So, when I think about my 25 years and 8 months of worth of periods, I think about that. I know that millions of sperm get released each time a guy ejaculates, but to me, that's waaayyyyyyy different. Is that wrong? Anyway, thats all I have to say about that. Come and visit me if you like at http://xsclothingwoman.blogspot.com and read about my adventures and thoughts!
Nothing flash, just some fun stuff!

b!X's birthday bash?

On October 26, the day after his 33rd birthday, my son b!X will be marching in San Francisco to protest our government's warmongering policy on Iraq. I hope that it becomes a birthday bash and not a head bashing for him.

So, if any of you are in SF at the same time and run into him, give him a big birthday hug and kiss from his Momma, who hasn't had a chance to do that for years and years now.

And may all of you marchers and protesters be safe and successful. And so may all of us who don't believe that waging war against Iraq is going to make life better for anyone but those who are already protected by power and money.

In celebration of 350

The way I figure it, today I began my 350th period. I figure it this way--I started at age 10 (yes, young), which means I've been having my period for 30 years. At 12 months in a year, that's 360. Take away the 9 months of pregnancy and 1 month it stayed away after, and that brings me to my 350 milestone.

Why a milestone? Because it means I've lived through 350 episodes of stinking PMS, that's why. And this month was a doosey. Ask Halley. She talked to me during my downward spiral last week. "I don't know, Halley. Nothing's really right. Everything's basically wrong. It's pretty much useless." Those kinds of things. Anyone familiar with them?

Swiftly, without giving my household or my mind time to switch gears, the old hormones had me rocketing into anger mode. "WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT??!" "JENNA STOP IT OR GET TO YOUR ROOM!" "DID I SAY I WAS ANGRY??" Holy cripe, I couldn't even stand myself. All the while, I wasn't sure what was up because I was a week late and vascilated between wondering, am I pregnant or did i mix up when I last had my little friend?

Let me tell you, the relief last night when old 350 hit was palpable. Children slept. The neighborhood dogs stopped baying. Birds began chirping from their quiet nests. The clouds parted to show a massive sky dotted with sparkling stars. Husbands around the world sighed. And me, I was suddenly Glenda, the good witch of the North again.

So for anyone wondering, 350's a charm.

Hope Springs Eternal

(this is a double post; also on my weblog)
Periodically, I get emails from various anti-war friends to sign an email petition or some such thing. Thanks to the education b!X has given me about separating the internet wheat from the chaff, I have learned to reply to such emails with a version of the following message -- which I just sent to the dozens of people who also received the latest email and whose addresses were at my mercy in the body of the message.

You should know that this effort is bogus and is just a waste of your time. There are several sites that you can check for the validity of similar efforts and other rumors spread over the internet. One of these is http://www.snopes.com/index.htm. If you go there and search for "United Nations Peace Petition," you will find an explanation of this untrue rumor.

Also, just a helpful hint for when you send out mass emails -- it's wise to enter those addresses in the BCC: box so that all of those addresses are not visible. (For example, I was able to send this message to everyone who was on the mailing list along with me.)

Finally, if you want to keep up with all kinds of non-mainstream information about "King George" and his efforts to propel us into a warring frenzy, check out www.poxamericana.us.

hi sisters!!

first of all..thanks a million for invitin me to be one of the blog sisters..such an honour.. well anyway..i juz wanna know what u guys think abt this topic..
Should divorce be banned?
i got it for one of my examinations topic and well..i guess i didnt do my best on it..
its reali a good question eh??
anyway..blog away and tell me ur comments..
hehehe....

Voila!

The new design is in place. The most observant of you may notice that the archives are a bit funky. I'm blaming it on Blogger, because I can't think of anything I'm doing wrong to make the February link show March dates (though the more recent archives seem to be working just fine).

At any rate, I hope y'all like the new look. If you have any specific, pressing concerns (like that brownish color scheme I chose makes you succumb to epileptic fits, etc.), please do let me know. I have no intention of being the Tech Nazi. :-)

More activism.

Hi sisters! I'm still really new to the community, but I thought I'd throw this link out there (and hopefully it hasn't been discussed earlier). I caught about 10 minutes of Oprah today, and was really drawn to what was being discussed.

Its the story of a Nigerian woman, who is in danger of being stoned ... and we can help.

From Amnesty International USA's website:

AMINA LAWAL, a 30 year-old Muslim woman, was sentenced on Friday 22 March 2002 to stoning to death by a Shari'ah court at Bakori in Katsina State in northern Nigeria. Amina allegedly confessed to having had a child while divorced. Pregnancy outside of marriage constitutes sufficient evidence for a woman to be convicted of adultery according to the new Shari'ah-based penal code for Muslims, introduced in Katsina State. The man named as the father of her baby girl reportedly denied having sex with her and his confession was enough for the charges against him to be discontinued. Amina did not have a lawyer during her first trial, when the judgement was passed. But she has now filed an appeal against her sentence with the help of a lawyer hired by a pool of Nigerian human rights and women's rights organisations.

The hearing of the appeal by the Shari'ah Court of Appeal of Funtua, Katsina State, was set for May 27, 2002 but adjourned twice, after her lawyer argued for an early hearing to take place instead of having the hearing postponed until next year as previously proposed by the court. Amina Lawal is still weaning her baby. Such a long adjournment of the case would have not served any useful purpose and would have deepened the climate of uncertainty created by the whole process. The terms of the bail have also been reviewed. Under these new terms for bail agreed by the court, Amina Lawal will no longer be reporting fortnightly to them. The only condition, however, is that Amina Lawal had to have a 'surety'.

On 8 July 2002, Amina Lawal made the submission of her appeal before the Shari'ah Court or Appeal of Funtua. The hearing of her appeal resumed on 5 August 2002 and the prosecutor presented his case and urged the court to maintain the sentence, death by stoning, passed by the Shari'ah court of Bakori. On August 19, Amina’s appeal was denied. She now has thirty days to make another appeal to the Supreme court in Abuja, the nation’s capital.

Go to the site and send an email off to the Nigerian ambassador. In fact, sign up for the newsletter. There's so much we can do, if we just invest a couple minutes here and there.

Warning: Design Ahead

As the first major undertaking of my office of "Technical Blog Sister Support", and at the behest of Jeneane and Elaine, I've done a little markup revising to give Blog Sisters a new look and more compliance with web standards, etc. This means that I will be changing the Blog Sisters template, and it will be looking pretty different by the time I'm done.

The day of the change is coming soon (rough estimate at this point: by the end of the week). If you'd like to offer your two cents before that happens, feel free to email me (Andrea). Hopefully this redesign should accomplish two things: to give the Blog Sisters web site a more distinct and unique appearance, and to make sure that it's relatively readable and visually consistent in all different kinds of web browsers, on all different kinds of computers.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog. :-)

Throwing off the Veil of Oppression

Wow.

Not that I'm a condoner of violence, but that was a pretty brave, gutsy thing to do. I don't have much commentary to add to the article other than that.

Found via The Avocado Couch.

Matchmaking the "Brightest People"

Now here's something for the single Sistahs to consider:
Psychoanalyst Frederick Levenson, who practices on Long Island and in Manhattan, has begun marketing TheraDate....... The concept is that "The people using psychotherapy to improve their lives are some of the brightest, most verbally adept and success-oriented people in America," Levenson said. They would be more likely to have successful relationships with others who recognize the value of self-reflection and are prone to talk about their feelings, he said. And who better to match them up than therapists, who do marriage counseling every day and whom Levenson calls "relationship experts"?

He's got a website at www.theradate.com, but I've yet to be able to get on it.

::blush:: Hehe

Hey! I was just quoted here ~~> Random Blog Quotes for my last blog entry!!

I'm so tickled I can't stop giggling!! ::grins hugely::

Just had to share that with my Sistahs!!!

Good vs. Evil, Us vs. Them

I just posted this over on my blog and I'd love to hear what my Sistahs think about the subject. Basically, it's regarding a discussion my son and I had this evening while watching the new Twilight Zone that got me thinking, and I wanted to share :D

Thanks for any input/insights/wisdom you'd like to share!

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Blog Sisters News Alert!

1. We have had an influx of new Blog Sisters over the last month or so. At the moment, our official membership registration stands at 85, and there are about 20 invitations that have been sent out for which I’m still awaiting replies. Our voices are being heard, and our words are encouraging more and more women to exercise their own unique voices. Keep it up, Sistahs!
2. Because I’m the one who sends out the invitations to join, some of the new members might not realize that our Great Founding Sister is Jeneane Sessum, not me. Jeneane continues to be our inspiration and motivation for keeping this weblog a place where women can feel safe speaking their truths. (And sometimes we find that we have as many truths as there are Blog Sisters posting. And that’s just fine.)
3. We’re taking on an additional administrator to help with the technical aspects of the site. Andrea R. James, who is a consistent contributor to Blog Sisters and a talented techie, has agreed to be the person you can contact if you’re having technical difficulties. She’s also going to work on giving the look of this weblog a little creative massaging. You go, Andrea.
4. Because we’ve had such a constant flow of newcomers, I’m not sure that I have everyone listed in our blogroll the way I should. So, please check for your name over on the left and make sure that it links to your personal weblog. If there are any mistakes or you want anything changed, just let me know at kalilily@nycap.rr.com.

And now, back to our regular programming.

A Way to Help Survivors of September 11 Victims

Hi, Blog Sisters. I'm Ginger, I'm a thirty-something technical writer who lives in Houston and this is my first post to Blog Sisters.

Several jobs ago, I worked as a paralegal for a lawyer who practiced immigration law, and I keep up with immigration issues even though I no longer work in the field. I found out something yesterday about the immigration status of foreign survivors of September 11 victims that really bothered me, and I would like to ask the sisters to help.

It turns out that the blanket authorization for survivors to stay in the US regardless of how long they were supposed to be allowed to stay otherwise expired on Wednesday, the anniversary of the attacks. Technically, many of these survivors have no basis to remain in the US once their spouses were dead. The Attorney General has authorization to help them on an individual basis on the PATRIOT Act, but that requires a lot of effort to bring individual cases to his attention.

Senator Jon Corzine of New Jersey sponsored a bill in the Senate to help the survivors on a permanent basis, but it won't pass this year. Meanwhile, he has a bill in the Senate to extend the blanket stay for another year. If it passes both the Senate and the House before the end of the session (October 4), the President can sign it into law and the foreign survivors of September 11 victims will be able to remain in the United States legally.

It's particularly important that this bill be enacted into law now because of some provisions barring "overstayers" from reentering the United States. Under current immigration law, anyone who is in the United States without authorization, i.e., illegally, for six months is barred from reentering for three years. Anyone who is in the United States without authorization for a year is barred from reentering for ten years. That's without thinking about what might happen if they were deported instead of leaving voluntarily when the INS catches up with them.

I ask that anyone reading this talk to their senators about S.2845, which extends the legislative relief to which survivors of those killed last September are entitled under the PATRIOT Act for another year.

[If the link to the bill doesn't work, use the lookup from Senator Jon Corzine's homepage.]

S.2845 is currently sitting in committee, and the time for September 11 survivors is running out. If nothing is done for them, and that means retroactively fixing their status, they'll be deported. The status of those survivors who would have had to leave before now has already expired. While the world mourned their spouses and parents, they became illegal aliens.

If S.2845 is not enacted as a stopgap until the next Congress can offer all survivors of September 11 victims permanent legislative relief (as opposed to the discretionary relief they get under current law), these survivors may become illegal aliens. They may become subject to the three-year or ten-year reentry bar for overstaying. They may be deported.

If you think the survivors of those who died on September 11 deserve to stay in the United States, please write, email, or better, call your senators (find them here) and urge them to support S.2845. Contact your representative and ask him or her to sponsor and vote for a companion bill in the House. And spread the word.

Thanks for reading.

I Heart My NY

Nobody posted anything on September 11th, and I thought it was appropriate for something to be said, even a day late.

When I first entered this world, the world I entered was New York. My first sense of place and space and home was shaped by the streets of Manhattan. New York is mine because when my school was under construction and the student body was homeless, the city was my classroom; my uniformed classmates and I traipsed all over New York with our teachers, learning from the city instead of simply within it. It's mine because I once spent four hours sitting on the steps of the public library people-watching. It's mine because I've been reading the real estate section of The New York Times since I was eleven to try to figure out which New York neighborhood will still be semi-affordable when I graduate. It's mine because I've left my mark there: I carved my name on a tree in Central Park, I scraped my knees on sidewalks, I once lost a tooth in my favorite playground on East End Avenue. It's mine because being there gives me comfort and not stress: when I felt suffocated by the monotony of New York suburbia, it was my escape, and the only escape I ever needed. It's mine because it has forever imbued in me open-mindedness, street smarts, common sense, confidence, a love of culture, and a rejection of ignorance. This is my New York.

New York was always mine, and I was always proud, even snobby about it. I clung to what New York was for me, and turned my nose on what it to many tourists: an urban Disneyland whose highlights included the Manhattan Mall, the Statue of Liberty, Time Square, F.A.O. Schwartz, and the Bronx Zoo. When I passed by obvious tourists -- camera-and-umbrella-toting, too-large-"I-heart-NY"-shirt-wearing, subway-map-squinting tourists -- I sighed. How could they love -- or even "heart" New York --when they didn't know it at all? I was more partial to shirts that read "Welcome to New York!" on the front and "Now get out" on the back. But when I showed people around, be it my clueless born and raised in suburbia friends or enthusiastic visitors from out of town, I showed them my New York, what was, to me, the real New York.

On September 11th, something suddenly changed. New York was not just mine; New York no longer belonged exclusively to New Yorkers. New York City suddenly was real for everybody, and truly belonged to everybody. It belonged to all the tourists whom I'd scoffed at, to all the people who'd never made it there, to everybody who had ever loved anybody or anything. I love New York with everything in me, and I have for as long as I can remember. But on September 11th, we all mourned together. We all loved New York together.

A year later, nobody has forgotten. Everybody I know still has a soft spot for New York that they hadn't had before. When I was in the wilderness of western Canada a month ago, a local asked me where I was from. I told her. She replied only: "Where were you when it happened?" One year has passed, but the memory of that day is so vivid and the pain so fresh, that it hardly seems possible. I'm no longer eager to claim New York as exclusively mine. Every citizen of the world has stock in what New York City and its people have come to represent. I only hope that the anniversary of September 11th is marked by genuine remembrance and reflection, not by blind patriotism and kitsch worthy of the Manhattan Mall. We shouldn't need plastic flags and TV specials to help us remember. As President Bush was quoted as saying on December 11th, "In time, perhaps, we will mark the memory of September 11 in stone and metal, something we can show children as yet unborn to help them understand what happened on this minute and on this day. But for those of us who lived through these events, the only marker we'll ever need is the tick of a clock at the 46th minute of the eighth hour of the 11th day."

originally posted by me at Fire & Ice

Men, depression, relationships, families, and two good books

I'm in the process of reading two excellent books by Dr. Terrence Real, a family therapist and author about whom Jeneane Sessum has been posting. And so I'm dedicating my next few posts on my own blog to sharing information from these books. Given what I've been reading here and in the personal blogs of some of our Blog Sisters, the information that Dr. Real is sharing is very relevant. If you don't have time to read the books, read my posts, so far here and here. Stay tuned for more.

let it flow.

I have something on my mind and I'm wondering where the Blog Sisters stand on the issue. I have been, for my past 4 or 5 menstrual cycles, using washable, rather than disposable products to collect the flow. I first became curious about washable menstrual pads through the many ads for them in 2 of my favorite magazines, Bitch and BUST. For years, I did nothing but wonder, who out there would have the time, to say nothing of the desire, to wash out blood-soaked rags throughout their cycle. Especially those women with heavy flow. We're talking washing out pads maybe 4 or 5 times a day, over the course of 3 to 7 days. Aren't disposable tampons and pads a revolution in themselves, liberating so many women from the endless drudgery of scrubbing that our foremothers endured? Isn't that the definition of "better living through chemistry?"

Then I started reading. I was alarmed, and then increasingly horrified to realize something that should have been obvious: that the dioxins and other chemical agents used to bleach paper products, substances that I know are harmful to the environment, are the same toxic chemicals used to bleach tampons and disposable pads that I would regularly wear close to the most delicate area of my body during my period. Further reading turned up evidence of links between tampon use and diseases such as endometriosis. The more I read, the more I thought, I need to get over my squeamishness and my wanting to avoid extra time with my handwashing. In addition, I thought about the sheer volume of menstrual trash that would be eliminated by my ceasing to use tampons and throwaway pads. For that reason alone, I thought, I should at least give washable menstrual pads a try.

Now that I've done it for several months, I know I'll never go back to my disposable ways. They're comfortable, they don't have that nasty plastic liner to deal with in your panties, they're safe and - the big bonus - they're incredibly cute! You can go to Lunapads, the Rag Hag, or Urban Armor to see for yourself. My question is, do any of the Blog Sisters use these products, and how do you like them? I have brought up my newfound love of them to a few friends, progressive ladies all, and the responses have been mostly mild curiousity. I currently don't know anyone personally who also washes their pads (unless they just haven't told me yet!). I do have some links to purveyors of the pads displayed quietly on my blog under the heading "good for the planet."

I'd be interested to hear your responses. Also, if this topic has been raised in a previous discussion, then please point me in the direction of the archives and I'll read there happily.

This is my first time here, and I'm honored to be a new Sister. Thanks.

A comment from the father of my offspring

He left this poem he wrote as a comment on my weblog. I think it deserves repeating here.

FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS
Little girls are nice
but we do them wrong
fussing with their hair and dressing them up
like dolls --
teaching them from the start
they are playthings.
Better we should feed them
words and numbers and tools
to remind them
that before women, they are people.
Teach them love and caring and nurture, yes,
but not as the entirety of their being,
else those qualities become walls and prisons.
Give them, as well, wings
and teach them to fly --
in case later in life
someone builds walls around them.
Little girls are nice,
but daughters who are their soaring selves
are better.

Interesting take on gender difference

I found this very relevant passage in a "trashy" novel I just finished reading that gave me a kind of "Aha!" Here's the condensed passage: (It's a novel written by a woman about a novel that's being written by a man.)

"Women readers aren't turned on by nice heroes any more than male readers lust after heroines who are too virtuous. There should be a hint, maybe at least a promise, of corruptibility."

"You don't have to worry about Roark in that regard. Women readers will love him.... He's very male. His responses are intinctually masculine. He looks at everying in a sexual context first, before expanding his viewpoint to include other factors, like morality...... He declined her invitation to have sex, demonstating that he knows where the lines of decency are drawn."

It seems to me that the same concept is often true in the non-fiction world. Men and women start out from different sexual/emotional places. And, if they're "evolved" enough, expand their viewpoints so that their attitudes can meet up somewhere in the middle. Whaddya' think?

A Question of Safety

In regard to Elaine's comment in Dru's protest blog about children being safer even 15 or 20 years ago, do you folks think that alert systems such as the Amber Alert and the media coverage of certain missing children cases make parents more paranoid and fearful for our children?

In our family's case, it certainly has gotten to my husband. We have a chain link fence around the perimeter of our property and normally I allow our 3 year old to go out and play after I've gone out and used the clasp of an old dog leash to lock off the gate. He's not allowed in the back of the property unless I'm with him, but he can play in the front yard where he's in full view through the front door and bay window. I did this the other day and hubby nearly went through the roof. Granted there had just been 2 kidnappings in our area (So. Calif.) in recent days, but the boy needed some fresh air and sunshine and to be out of my hair while I got some housework done.

Hubby grew up here in a far more dangerous area than the one we live in now. He talks about how he rode his bike everywhere he wanted to go from the time he was about 10, and that his mom would leave him alone in their apartment from the age of about 6. He says he was one of the original latchkey kids. Just this year though, did he give permission to our soon to be 14 year old to ride the mile to the local high school so he could take swim lessons.

I grew up in the middle of nowhere, where our nearest neighbor was over 3 miles away. I played outside and wandered all over our property, rarely seeing another human being outside our family unit. My parents didn't allow me to play near the road, as they said, "just anybody could come along and pick you up and we'd not know about it for hours!" Sensible warning for a 7 year old, but that was the most danger I ever knew of as a child. I know I always thought my parents were being way overprotective of me, but now I'm not so sure.

Are we doing our children a disservice by being more overprotective than our parents were?

Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination against Women

The illustrious Michael Moore's upstart "Office of Homeland Security" has a good alert on the CEDAW treaty. Go Michael Moore!

I knew there was a reason I liked that guy. Not to mention he has a solid track record for fighting corporate crime.

Today is Women's Equality Day.

In the U.S. it was a seventy-two year struggle from a tea party to the ratification of the right to vote. There are other pages about this on the web but I liked this one because of the songs.

And.

The World Summit on Sustainable Development is happening in Johannesburg. Gender Equality will be a topic of discussion.

What's in a word?
Babe
I believe if we are going to monitor other's words for sexism, we should monitor(aka:censor) them for grammatical and linguistic purity. Why do some people opt to use profanity, when a little creativity would get the message across just as easily? Why do some choose to use what can be called either colloquilism or "street language" instead of what others might call proper language? Once we start censoring each other we start an avalanche. When I was a child, I was often told, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander," which meant that we should treat each other fairly and equally. I believe that if any woman is or was offended by Doc or any other man's use of the term "Babe" she should go directly to the source and tell him. As Tom Hanks often repeated in his movie, "Forrest Gump", that's all I got to say about that.

Weddings, Marriage Ceremonies, and Breast Feeding
These are all personal decisions. And each decision is made for a variety of personal reasons. Feminism and Feminist and being Feminine are likewise personal decisions. So is blogging. I often feel defeated when I open Blog Sisters, and read everyone's personal opinions of each other's personal choices. I thought this was a forum for intelligent women, but I find myself thinking, instead that it is simply a new version of a "bitch session", with a welcome mat out for any woman with an ISP. I may change my mind in time, but I doubt I'll be back.

moving to a post

I put these comments in response to the discussion around Shelley's post below. I thought, afterward, I should post them as a post. And add to what I said. So I did:

Ah. If the world were a place where we all lived up to our own high standards, and the standards of others, all the time. Sometimes we paint a portrait of individuals (and their words) as one way or another, as x or y, as sexist or not sexist, because that bolosters OUR OWN self esteem. In pegging them--we can control them. Unfortunately, it ain't that simple. In my humble opinion.

One thing I've learned in some recent soul searching and countless hours of counseling is that our words and actions aren't always aligned. I would bring this into the blogging realm by saying our posts aren't always aligned with our hearts. That's why blogging is an art and craft and also why it's therapeutic. We are spinning our own stories outward, and then back inward--the good, bad, ugly.

The journey is important. And unless someone's berating you, stalking you, attacking you, being downright mean to you, I suggest you let them take their own journey without trying to shut them down or make them self-conscious. It's counter to the spirit of what we're trying to do here, with blogging. Be concerned with your own journey.

P.S. This "isn't blogsisters sexist" suggestion pisses me off. Men CAN join in the discussion here. Anyone can comment. Can discuss. Posting priviliges are for women, which gives us a platform--much like a woman's magazine--to share our ideas and opionions with anyone who wants to read them.

The tagline is cute. That's all. I'm in the PR biz. I spin taglines all day. It's a funny, good tagline and I'm still proud of it.

Actually, damn proud of it.

Escaping Poverty
There are never easy answers to poverty. I find myself in a just over broke situation. The energy and effort it takes to do more, to do that which I need to do to escape poverty wears me down. Resumes become a major task. Yes there is institutionalized oppressive against feminine participation in the riches of our patriarchal society. No, we don't have to take it lying down. Pun intended.

I suggest a cure for welfare limitations may be for women and children to live cooperatively and focus their advancement and education on specific goals. Margaret Wheatley wrote a book called A Simpler Way. Reading that book and being in touch with the people at Berkana Institute lead me to another book The New Pioneers. I got one in a library and the other used and cheap. Reading Cat Sullivan's "Going To A Demonstration" I felt gut wrenching fear about how I am only a small step above that even after going in debt $30,000 to get college/university degrees. Between sending out resumes and paying the debt, I am most likely economically even with a lower paid job. So I don't see the value in the degree yet. What works for me is living where I am living and with whom I am living. Three of us poor women share a house. We are not yet to the collective mindset of balancing higher paid with lower paid in terms of social economics here. But still sharing is making it easier.

So I began to have the idea of solving the welfare problem ourselves, by cooperative living. An abused woman living alone can be a target for the abuser, but living with others offers greater protection. Everyone has to have shelter, why not gather women and rent the whole tenement? I am seeing the past some. I am seeing the seventies and communes. Sure, most of them didn't work, and I think mostly because sexism and authoritarianism was ruling. What better place to have day care than in your own home? Our idea of an autonomy of family is destroying our world. Do we really need a refridgerator for each person? I know my children had no problem with the community idea when they were growing up. What I called the "roving hoard" would roam from kitchen to kitchen cleaning out the refridgerators. And they didn't do the dishes after either. The only thing more detrimental to a food budget is husbands and football viewing buddies.

Welfare destruction is not about solving the problem. It is about power politics. Somebody out there convinced more legislators that the way to get you and me into the meritocracy of mediocracy was to create incentive by taking away support. I know when I was feeding my children on welfare and Wisconsin aide to children, there was no other choice, no matter how I looked and searched, my old car kept me prisoner to a certain radius. The leaking gas tank ate away the surplus needed to fix the gas tank. Escape came eventually, but death would have come to one or more of us without the support. I learned gratitude. I can only speculate that had I not had the assistance at the time, I would have learned criminal ways. I believe I would have robbed what I needed.

And I was carrying bath and drinking water in 25 degree below zero weather from a spring half a mile up the valley.

For a few years now I have been studying stuff called "Science of Mind." I can see that my limitations come from within. I can see that the Universe is an abundant and limitless place. I can also see the Iron Grip those who I now call "The Boys From Enron" have on the trickle down of money. What's more they have created messages to reinforce the limitations in our minds. We have power. We need to take it back. Two nights ago I watched a program on the Discovery channel (living in a group home makes cable eaiser to pay for). The content was about a common Eve. We are all sisters, rich and poor, black and white, red and yellow, all brown to the core. If you have wealth and privilege and are ignoring your sisters who lack that, you are part of the problem. If you are poor and continually wake up with determination to make it today, grab the hand of another sister and let's find a way to make it better for the collective. To hell with Marx, he was a man. Study the Longhouse of the Iroquois. Glean the fields, pick the rubble piles, sell it on EBay to the rich. Can you imagine if the women of Afganistan were the ones with the guns? There wouldn't be any stonings then, I'll bet.

Hey, I'm getting angry and it feels good. I have to go to work.

Robin Marie Ward

labium, grammar and rock journalism

Several cheers to Australian music site undercover for consistently providing Quality music news on an unfashionable black background. All very worthy and scrupulously researched, I'm sure.
HOWEVER the Michelle Branch i/v scores minus points for stinky oldfashioned sexism. Apparently "[Michelle Branch] slots alongside credible acts like Melissa Etheridge and Sheryl Crow instead of the Britney's and Christina's." (sic that ain't my punctuation!)
I will try to erase the fact that we're arguing about a mediocre talent like MB, and ask why it couldn't have read "[Michelle Branch] slots alongside credible acts like Bruce Cockburn and Rufus Wainwright instead of the Justins and Joeys."Oh, silly me. She has a VAGINA. Of course. VAGINA. And she's a SENSIBLE LADY. Who covers herself up - unlike those teen strumpet WITCHES who TORTURE unsteady male journalists with glimpses of cleavage to the point that they find themselves unable to use an apostrophe properly.
Heavens, sisters and comrades. Have we not yet propelled ourselves OUT of the primordial ooze wherein women may only be reasonably compared to other women? Handicapped by our GAPING VAGINAS, apparently, we must be relegated to only paternalistic criticism and BAD PUNCTUATION.

Bumpersticker of the Day

Saw this while walking to work this morning:

A WELL-BEHAVED WOMAN
RARELY MAKES HISTORY

Had to giggle as I read it. Of course, I think this is literally true for men as well, but maybe not in the same spirit or meaning. ;-)

Clarification
I want to clarify something I said a few days ago. I had posted a blog that some thought sounded as if I was complaining about my upcoming wedding. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am very excited about doing a Star Wars wedding in Vegas. Curtis and I were at a traditional Southern Wedding last summer. Oh it was traditional, for sure! The bride wore white and her attendants wore pastels. All the men wore tuxedoes. The wedding was held in a church and there were candles and flowers everywhere. The reception was a buffet style dinner at a local Country Club with a delightful view of the city. The Couple had a DJ and a band! Their dances were well coreographed, and I was sure some people had been taking lessons. After the married couple's first dance, then the first dance with parents, then in-laws, and then the bridal party was invited to dance . . . I was growing tired. I wanted to be one of the ones out there dancing, not just watching someone else do it. I whispered to Curtis, "When I get married again, I want to just go to Vegas and do it. We can party later!" He was thrilled with the idea, and in the months since then, we have been lazily planning our wedding.

I agree with Christina that there was a time when the only time a woman had for her own was her wedding day. I believe that is one reason young women dreamed and schemed much of their time planning their "Ideal" wedding. Times have changed. So have we.

The more we work on our wedding, the more I like the idea. Others have had a Star Wars Wedding before us. We are not being innovative, but we are being ourselves. There are a lot of details to consider, but these details will make our special day memorable. I like the fact that Christina was able to change gears and move her wedding plans forward, that she was not so caught up in the ceremony - the symbols. She and Doug understood that their love and their relationship was the important issue, not some gown or cake or fancy ceremony.

My point, earlier, was that I had assumed that almost all men really wanted to just elope - to get the ceremony out of the way, and that men did not care one way or another about the symbolism of weddings and ceremonies. I was trying to convey my surprise and pleasure at finding a man who not only cares about his wedding, but is taking an active role in planning it. Together, we are going to make some more special memories. I am grateful for this man, and for all of you.

The World Up Close
"Woman loses stoning death appeal" reported by CNN. This is what we talking/writing/questioning on the Tuesday Too today.

I Thought All Men Preferred to Elope

Leave it to me to fall in love with a man who wants a Theme Wedding! Curtis and I are enormous Sci-Fi fans. In fact, we are struggling between the option of visiting my son or going to Dragon Con here in Atlanta at the end of the month. Decisions! Decisions!

Having been married before, I would be so content to just run off to Vegas and get married this weekend...blue jeans and hologram shirts would suit me fine. No flowers, no wedding cake, no big deal, but I do want to be married to this man. I am ready to make a committment and to tell the world how happy he makes me. He likes the Vegas idea, but he wants a wedding with a Star Wars Theme, family and friends, the whole She-Bang!

I had no idea how much work would be involved in organizing a wedding like this - but this is a lot more fun than the frou frou wedding I had to old--wat-ziz-name. This will be challenging...

Dismissing The System

Margaret Heffernan has a good article in the August edition of Fast Company: The Female CEO ca. 2002. A taste:

The Legally Blond generation is not interested in compromise or assimilation. It wears its femininity with pride and seeks success on its own terms. If that success can't be found within traditional businesses or business schools, then these young women simply won't go there. "If I don't fit into GE or Ford or IBM," one bright young woman told me, "that's not my problem. That's their problem." Rather than fight the system, this next generation of women simply dismisses the system. Instead, these women seek places to work that value individuals -- whether as customers or as employees. They seek places that are transparent and collaborative, that respect relationships as the bedrock of all good businesses. What women want are companies that look a lot more like a network than a pyramid, companies where fairness is a given, companies that value what's ethical above what's expedient. [Para.] At the same time, this next generation of women is too practical, pragmatic, and tough-minded to be dismissed as ideologues. If they can't find these kinds of companies, then they'll simply build them.

Words have power, and other cliches

Several years ago, on the eve of a much desired promotion, I had a meeting with my then-boss, and a late colleague to talk about the logistics. Aside from going over money, space, and the responsibilities of the position, we also discussed the title. I insisted on being called "Director" rather than "Coordinator."

Later, my colleague, a very dear, honest, open-minded man, wondered: why would I be so inflexible on such a minor detail? Besides, what was wrong with the lovely word "coordinator," anyway? Yes, visualizing "coordinator" does summon some positive images, including relationships to wonderful concepts such as "cooperation," and "agility," while "director" could bring to mind the top-to-bottom barking of orders.

Well, I told him, during the process of this negotiation, I have considered our academic bureaucracy; I have reviewed the other similar jobs at the organization, and my little survey led me to a startling conclusion. When the incumbent was a man, generally the position carried the director label. And when it was held by a woman, it was more often called a coordinator.

I became a director. Nit-picking? Perhaps, but important nonetheless. So, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me," or is "the pen mightier than the sword?" I say, there's power in words.

Finally writing again

"Were you a tomboy? I was. Still am, really."

This post is for all you girls who were up at bat in a game of softball, and all the boys moved in from the outfield, just waiting for your wimpy little hit.

Halogen

Was that Hello Again or Halogen?

A few nights back I left a small halogen bulb light on next to my computer. When I was in the other room getting sucked in to a television show, the light decided to break for whatever reason. It fell down and landed on my computer mouse.

When I found it, the heat had melted a pit into the back of the mouse and the whole conglomeration was quite hot. I think it was within seconds of bursting into flames.

I have noticed that my monitor won't hold a "white" tone, It kind of shifts in and out of bluish to whitish.

My car needs new motor mounts and tires, and I have no idea where the money is going to come from to fix my link to the outside world.

Sunday I spent in a glum mood, perhaps from concern over these material things or perhaps from hormone fluctuations. I watched some of Dr. Wayne Dyer's presentation in support of Public Television. In one part he said we all should follow our heart no matter what anyone else said or thought about us, because how true we lived to ourselves was going to be the most important aspect of our lives as we grew more toward the end of it. It seems right now that I have never been more unsure of what following my heart, following my bliss means to me. But then, he is a white male and gets his privilege served to him on a golden plate of hegemony.

I go to work at one job in a concrete closet, isolated from any human contact. My other work is linked to the past in a way that raises the question; if all I am to do is return to that which injured my body for the money to survive and pay my debts, then the debt and expense of college was yet another worthless ploy to transfer my wealth and privilege to someone else.

Yet, even in the face of isolation on many levels, I doggedly mail out prospecting material, maintain an attitude that good must prevail in the end, and forcefully drag myself to things, like the concrete closet job, which are having serious psychological consequences that appear to be growing beyond my control.

4:44 this morning I awake with the "fears" charging the horses of the chariot. My life is not in my control. I can't see the driver. What can I do? I pray of course, and hope.

The halogen lamp sits propped up against my shelf illuminating my keyboard. It is a disabled bird, a crumpled newspaper, we can see its form but its not whole.

Robin Marie

yucky yaccs

In response to Caryn's concern below: Sometimes our Comments capability provider goes beserk and Comments disappears for a while. I've always found them to come back, eventually. We just have to ride out the disruption in our thought processes. Sorry.

Just wanted to say hi: despite being a longish time blogger, I'm feeling a little nervous about group-blogging. This is my first time with a group.

Christina's Nagging Question

What exactly is in a name? Shakespeare said "A rose by any other name still smells as sweet." I know a woman who kept her family name because she thought it was unique, and the man she married had a name like Jones, Smith, or Wilson. Her children bore their father's name. It was their choice. I know another woman, who did not change her name when she married, because she said she was too lazy to bother with all the paperwork involved. I know at least three women who chose to keep their maiden name, "just in case we get divorced." They did not want the hassle of changing names on documents. I do not know if any of them have had any children. My neice married a man from Mexico. He wanted her to keep her maiden name, and when their children were born, he wanted the children to bear both names, as is the Spanish tradition. Spaniards (and many whose cultures spawed from that region) name their children with the mother's name as the final name. There is no hypen, but the father's family name is the next to the last name. Mt neice told him that since they are living in the United States of America, she wanted to do thing the "American" way, so she and her children bear her husband's family name (which is his mother's family name). Russians keep the father's last name, until marriage, then the women assume the husband's name; however, daughers and wives must add "ova" to their name, which indicates "daughter of" or "wife of". There is a way to denote "son of", but it slips my mind. My boss, who is Chinese, and her husband (also Chinese) have different last names. I do not yet know if this is due to a cultural or a professional reason. I know several professional women who will not "take" their husband's name because it causes corporate communication problems. Email addresses , business cards, voice mails all have to be changed. I have been told that some clients become uncomfortable when women executives have "revolving door" name changes.

I was married for more than a quarter of a century to a psychologically abusive man. I can relate to why Christina's mother would remain with an abusive man. We sometimes do not think we have options, or we think our options are less desirable. I was often told, "The devil you know may be better than the angel you don't know." When I got the strength and courage to leave him, I had little strength or courage for much else. I had two nearly grown sons who were doing their best to deal with our divorce. Out of respect for my sons, I kept the name that I married. Within six months, I regretted keeping his name. I have already assumed Curtis' family name. This is a name that I will be honored to share, because every person that I have met who has that name has shown me nothing but unconditional love ana complete acceptance. This is my choice, and it is a choice that pleases Curtis, but it is ultimately my choice. I had considered changing my name to Mary Pumpkins, for completely sentimental reasons, but decided that Pumpkins might not be the best name for a respected writer. But, Hey! What do I know?

My oldest son has a unique middle name, taken from his father's maternal family name: Bastian. My mother thought it looked and sounded too much like Bastard, and she hated it - but she loved the child. My youngest son's first name, Aron is taken from his father's name which is spelled exactly the same way. For some reason his father's family had a tradition of leaving out the second "a" and we continued the tradition. We have gotten our share of strange questions too. I am 47 years old, last year, I needed a certified copy of my birth certificate, so I requested one from vital statistics, giving the information that I've had stored in my head for most of my life. I received a letter stating that there were no records of anyone with that name born on my birth date. I called my mother. She said, "Yes, your name is indeed Mary Ann Catherine. Remember? I told you that I wanted to name you Mary Ann, and your father wanted to name you Mary Catherine. When you were born, I told the nurse to write down Mary Ann, and your father made her add Catherine. It's ON your birth certificate." Well, I hated to disappoint my mother, but when I did finally get the official record, my name is only Mary Ann. My baptismal certificate shows the Catherine. My first communion certificate and my confirmation document show the Catherine, but only in the church documents does the second name appear. I once dated a guy who would only call me Catherine, because nobody else did. My ex used to call me that to get me upset...and it's not even my name! They might as well have been calling me Gladys or Hariett. Learning that Catherine is not really my name did not change me. I am still the same old stink weed that I was before. My oldest sister mourned the fact that our maiden name is Worden, and not something like Taylor, or Chase. She desperately wanted to incorporate our family name in her sons' names, but did not know how to do it...of course this was long before people began to hyphenate names on a regular basis.

As for Christina's nagging question: if people have the audacity to ask you why your name is different from your husbands, or why your son's name is a combination, you can find your own way to answer them. One that usually stops people dead in their tracks is to ask, "Why do you want to know?" Now, you can also tell them that just as your son shares DNA from both of you, he also shares both your names. If you don't want to justify why you and your sons names are different from your husband's you should not feel that you need to. You can simply tell people, "This is the 21st century." Make them wonder what in the world that means. There are all sorts of celebrities with only one name. Do you think anyone makes them justify why they don't have more? I doubt it. You could also tell them,"Where I'm from, this is traditional." They will start to think of you as some exotic person. You could learn the naming conventions from different countries and recite them. "In Spain they - - - in Russia, they - - , in Tanzania - -- but where I'm from, we honor our mother's courage by keeping the name she fought to provide for us!

Florida Takes Away Choice

Got this pointer from b!X, who notes:
So, in Florida, if you're a woman who wants to give up your baby for adoption, you have to publish in the newspaper your name, address, and list of the people you've had sex with in the twelve months prior to the baby's birth. First off, why 12 months? Last time I checked, human gestation was nine months. Did this get changed by the Florida legislature at some point?

Breast Feeding
I'd like to comment on Christina's post regarding breast-feeding. I agree with you completely. How you choose to birth, feed, and raise your child is your business, and no one else's. I breast fed my sons more than 20 years ago, when it wasn't in vogue, so I was the one who was often shunned, and told to go hide in another room at family functions. My family did not trust me to be discreet, and they thought my sons were going to starve since it was my choice not to supplement their mother's milk with solids for as long as possible.

What I don't understand is these same people who frown on mother's choices for feeding, don't frown if these women choose to clothe their infants in cloth or disposable diapers; they don't scrutinize choices of car seats or vehicles in which these children will be transported; they don't complain or criticize when mothers make choices about what kinds of toys to present to these children. A mother is the best one to choose how and why to feed her child. There are a lot of choices regarding formulas, and there are many reasons for these choices. I learned the hard way that even though I was breast feeding, I did not always do what was best for my infants. My youngest, especially, made me adjust my diet in a very strict sense. He was very sensitive to many of the foods that I ate, and the only way to determine this was by an elimination diet. We both suffered until I found the diet that suited him best. Not all mothers make the best decisions, but I think most mothers make the best decisions they can, based on what information is available to them. I must have done pretty well with my eating. That same child is now a young man of 21 and he is 6' 8 " tall!

Managing the Blog Sisters Explosion

I am so pleased to report that we've had a steady influx of new sistahs. We obviously are getting very well known around the net. And that's because we are an open, accepting, tolerant, choice-committed group, right?

We don't have a mission statement as such -- but I want to state here what I tend to tell potential members who email me to ask about what we are about. This is what I say: Blog Sisters is pretty much whatever the members want it to be. Conversations range from parenting to abortion to politics to relationships. Our members range from high school girls to "older and wiser" women, from stay-at-home moms to full-time high-level professionals and unemployed techies. What we have in common is our commitment to personal choice and a general irreverence toward partriarchies.

In light of the post below from our very newest member, I felt I should see if we really do have consensus about where Blog Sisters is coming from and where it stands. I think that we all have strong convictions -- including religious, political, dietary, fiscal, gender, etc. etc. And I would like to think that the two things that we have in common are our belief that we all have the right to make our own choices about how we live our lives and our commtiment to supporting each other in that right.

Am I wrong?

Choose Life license plates

This is my first post at Blog Sisters and I just want to say thanks for having me!!!!! And now, on to my post:

Those damn Bush boys. In Florida, you can buy a personalized license plate that says "Choose Life" and the money for said plate will go for anti-choice groups. While Florida is the only state currently using these plates, other states (CA, IA, IL, KS, KY, MI, MN, MS, NC, OH, OK, PA, SC, and WV) are thinking about setting up similar plans.

You can read more about this here at the Center for Reproductive Law and Policy.

More on nature v. nuture (etc.), this time in the classroom

The Chronicle of Higher Education reports that a new anthology, The Jossey-Bass Reader on Gender in Education, has been published. It offers 34 articles on the question: is biology destiny in the classroom? According to the Chronicle's review, the focus is elementary through college education, and the anthology includes discussion of the nature-versus-nurture debate, analysis of classroom obstacles encountered by both males and females, and an examination of gender-equity in the curriculum. It also addresses violence and sexual harassment, challenges the idea that all students respond alike to specific educational approaches, and finally, it includes a discussion of single-sex and coeducational schools. Could be worth a look.

Annie Mason, Great Letter

Reviewing the last twenty five posts I believe Annie's letters say what needs to be said. There is the one about the survey from 7/26 and the newest one from 8/2. All of you are saying important things. Everyone's voice is beauty in the chorus of breathe (electrons on a screen, too).

My father always said the squeaky wheel gets the grease and would verbally abuse mom (and me) when she became squeaky. Hello, corporate America, women are on the rise. Your men have been dipping too deep in the money holding cookie jar. Is this a leftover from the folklore that a man would steal the household money out of the cookie jar to go get drunk on? Let's see men feed the machine of exploitation, especially of children and women, with new bodies without mothers.

Brain "sex" is interesting too. A good friend of mine pointed out that there are brain cell structure parts ( I don't know much brain cell stuff) in transsexual men which are identical to genetically born women. That stuff only gets that way because of DNA. So then my friend says even women discriminate against transsexuals ( and white women discriminate against black women). DNA, brain sex, or any other difference given by the Great Goddess, does not mean any of us are free from someone else's idea of hierarchy and blessings of privilege. Unjust discrimination is a form of keeping unearned privilege for the benefit of the few that fit toward a stereotypical idealization (blonde hair blue eyes, Victoria's Secret look, as an example).

When I was 19 my maternal grandfather told me that my great-grandmother, a full blood Mohawk woman, allowed her husband to register my grandfather's birth as "white" so he wouldn't have to face the hatred in the late 1800's. Great-Grandmother was of more fair complexion and facial structures so she could "pass." In my college days, being known as Indian would have excluded me from the education I received. It wasn't until the American Indian Movement people began fighting for rights that American Indians stopped being involuntarily sterilized by the United States Government. My two sons might never have been here.

Remembering the past is important, and remembering that all of us live by the privilege passed on to us from our ancestors is very important. Depending on our place in the spectrum of privilege we all owe gratitude to the slaves who died making America. We owe gratitude to the American Indian mothers who often had to escape calvary charges carrying their babies in sub-zero weather. My grandmother on my father's side didn't talk much about how the Henesseys, Kennedys, and Spilaines, got here from Ireland. They were hungry when they arrived. We owe gratitude to those who came as indentured servants and rejects from their homelands which weren't secure from state sponsored terrorism. So I carry my awareness forward and sincerely do my best to think about the seventh generation to come as I am told my Mohawk heritage people do. The way most men in this world dismiss and treat women and children, I don't think we humans are going to survive until the seventh generation to come. We all owe deep and total gratitude to our Great Mother Earth for giving to us. I pray that as women become more involved in the halls of business that feminist principles and especially Eco-feminist principles begin to reverse the rape that masculinity has perpetuated on women, children, and the Earth. That we have to write Senators to support equal rights for women is a very sad state of our collective existence for all humans and all sentient beings.

Women's Treaty Update
The Senate Foreign Relations Committee's vote was 12 to 7 in favor of sending CEDAW to the full Senate. For more information go to the Human Rights Watch. You can view the hearing by clicking on the "Take Action Now" graphic on the left.

So, did anyone else watch "Brain Sex" last night?
The gist of the program was that, according to studies that used MRI technology to track energy surges in the brains of males and females exposed to the same stimuli, the brains of each gender function differently. The result is that we respond to our world-based experiences differently. However, we can learn to find greater common ground. That's where nurturing, teaching, and modeling come in. I think that we all agree that we can learn to minimize the innate differences between genders so that we can work together to build better relationships and a better world in general; the problem, as many here have verbalized, is getting the guys to figure out how to neutralize some of that aggression-triggering testosterone. (And it's not that women are not also affected by their own testosterone levels. However women tend to have much lower levels than men.) Again, biology dictates where we begin; but the rest of our brains, in concert with our hearts and souls, can chart a much more positively connected course for our shared lives.

anti-sister in da house

What does Celine smell of? My guess was that the noisome noise-stress reeked of dead babies, toilet candy and Pure Evil. Apparently, I was foolishly misguided and it's all Woody Base Notes with Sonatas of Oriental Lily or some shite. In any case, her Dion-ship joins the horde of chantoozies with a signature whiff and unveils plans to bring us something that will not be called Celine, as a rival designer has already trade-marked that lyrical appellation. Nor will it be called Irritating Canadian Bint. Which is a shame.