Sunday, December 08, 2002

The Problem with Girlism

I'm still playing catch-up on all the various femblogs (in the sense of both "blogs by women" and "blogs by feminists") coming on the heels of Halley Suitt's comments about "girlism" reproed earlier here on Blogsisters. So maybe it's too early for me to jump into the deep end of this, but I'll skim my rock across the surface anyway. Please bear in mind, none of this is designed to constitute any attack on anyone's opinions, particularly Halley's. Just because we disagree doesn't make one of us good and the other evil, it just means we, you know, disagree.

I think my particular warning bells came at reading Halley's opinion that, in order to achieve power in the workplace "...women want to be sexy girls and use all the tricks girls use..." First off, of course, there's always a danger in making broad generalizations, particularly generalizations of broads. Even by broads. Just because we share a double-x chromosome doesn't make our desires monolithic, even as it doesn't make our interests monolithic. (I've had to deal with this a lot in Friends of Lulu, explaining to folks that the goal of targeting comic books to women is tricky because women are no more a monolithic reading group than men are. So one can get oneself in a good deal of hot water by starting from a view of "women want..." (as we all remember from when that wacky Siggy Freud did it).

So following up on that, I confess I don't "want to be [a] sexy girl..." in large measure because I cannot be. I've never had that choice. I don't know what Halley looks like, but I imagine from her "it's just so easy if we do it this way" attitude she's probably young and vivacious and thin. She probably falls into the mold of what's acceptable in the default (i.e., male-opinion-dominated) society as "sexy." I don't, I never have, and I never will. I'm fat, I have thinning hair, I wear glasses, I'm loud-mouthed, I've got this Jewish honker... none of these things are ugly to me, but they don't scream "sexy" to most men in our society. Besides, the entire rule of judging a woman's worth primarily by her outward appearance seems to me a male thing - and when guys set the rules, they're in charge of the game, and there's no way a woman can "win" by playing a game she doesn't control.

I understand the concept of sex as power - at least I'm trying to. As I say, it's a game that Mom Nature never qualified me to play. But if sexual power is only identified with and discussed in terms of one gender, to my mind it isn't really power at all. It's pretend, it's dress-up, it's playing into the whole battle-of-the-sexes crap that perpetuates and traps people in gender stereotypes to begin with. It's like looking at a badgirl comic - "hey, guys, she may be 'powerful' wink wink but she prances about practically naked, that means she's really only kicking butt to give you a show and turn you on... hey look, a boob-and-crotch shot!" Oh, and you women who don't have the physical assets to allow yourself to be identified primarily through sex? Sorry, since nobody but obviously abnormal people wants to ogle you like an object (and therefore somehow bestow power on you through their benificent male gaze), you don't get to have power. But hey, you get to be angry about that and perpetuate the stereotype of ugly man-hating feminists and that'll do just fine because it helps marginalize feminism into irrelevancy and we still win!

I'm not good at games, whether they're power games or sexual games or whatever. I never dated normally, singles bars and personal ads and the like; both my ex (with whom I'm still friendly) and my current husband are guys I came to know through long-distance courting before I ever met either of them, and those courtships came about on mutual terms (the first through a zine I was self-publishing, and my current husband through Usenet). Even online, even in chatrooms, I've never done personas or fake handles. I'm capable of it, I used to write wacky articles and fictional bits in my zine under pen names, but I never saw the point of subterfuge when dealing with other people. This sort of stubborn honesty means I'll never get ahead in any realm which requires a particular talent for playing social games, but again, I knew that years ago and made my choice in favor of being a real person, with all the complexities that entails. And anyway, I prefer to believe that saying things like "my sexuality doesn't define me and is, by the way, none of your business" is far more subversive than trying to redefine feminism or girlism in the same sort of terms once used by the civil rights leader who opined that "the best position for women in the movement was prone."

Saturday, December 07, 2002

Seems like a good time

We've had quite a few number of new Blog Sisters join us here over the last couple of weeks, and the discussions that have sparked lately have been fantastic. The velocity and quality of conversation has been downright exciting. To me at least.

It seems like a good time for me to mention, since there are many new faces here, that I'm working on a book about our experiences here. If you haven't participated and you'd like to, use the survey form to spark some ideas about your thoughts on women and weblogging and you and weblogging and you and your offline life and you and blog sisters and whatever else you feel is important resulting from your experiences writing online. Look forward to hearing from you!

Friday, December 06, 2002

Proposed Department of Peace

Have you heard about the Congressional legislation to establish a U.S. Department of Peace? According to its sponsor, Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich,
Domestically, the Department of Peace would address violence in the home, spousal abuse, child abuse, gangs, police-community relations conflicts and work with individuals and groups to achieve changes in attitudes that examine the mythologies of cherished world views, such as 'violence is inevitable' or 'war is inevitable'. Thus it will help with the discovery of new selves and new paths toward peaceful consensus.

Find out more here.

An Embarrassment of Riches

First entry here; howdy all! Wanted to give a short plug to my blog, particularly entries here, here and today, where I talk about fellow female (can one be called a "fellow female?") bloggers, finding Ms. Musings and Blogsisters, etc. Also a short plug for all you folks who read (and create!) comic books, for Friends of Lulu and Sequential Tart. Been involved in FoL for about a half dozen years now, and currently maintain their Women Doing Comics listing, among other resource pages. (So if you're a woman doing comics and you're not on the list, please e-mail me and I'll remedy that forthwith! Dang, I love words like "forthwith.") And the Tarts have a wonderful monthly e-magazine about comics, as well as a kicking message board! Looking forward to participating more as I catch up and read some past entries; as I said in my latest blog entry, I have a lot of catching up to do!

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Are Fat Suits the New Blackface?

Weight is not strictly a feminist issue, but it seems to resonate especially with women, who perhaps are held to a more unrealistic standard than are men. Gwyneth Paltrow caught heat for wearing a fat-suit in "Shallow Hal" for various reasons, among them -- as explained in Bitch Magazine -- that fat suits are the modern equivalent of blackface. But Anita Roddick (full disclosure -- she's my boss and a fellow Blog Sister), went undercover in remarkably convincing facial makeup and a fat suit last week in Discovery TV UK's documentary "Skin Deep" in order to see what it is like to be fat in London in 2002 . She was stared at, couldn't find clothes, all predictable troubles. But she got in some trouble for what she wrote about the experience. The readers of BigFatBlog aired their beefs with her, and she responded. I'm curious where the Sisters fall on this one.

Here's a Good one.

I found another girl power story that, deals with the back lash of eservice growth. Just to be supportive of not only women in technology but women with talent!! Anyway I thought I would post this to keep the pot spicy.Success story

TechUpdate

Three new Blog Sister Bios have been added for Deborah Gussman, Elizabeth Lane Lawley, and Drucilla Blood. Also, Jeneane has answered some questions about the birth of her brainchild Blog Sisters. Check them out at the new Bio Page and FAQ Page.

Dream Interpretation?

ARRRGH! It seems like the blog world is full of discord. I don't have the time or energy to deal with it and read all these hypersensitive posts and comments, even though they are important and worthy of discussion. I like that blogs attack the big social and political issues, but sometimes I just need to get off all the soapboxes.

Instead I am thinking about my dreams. On Sunday night, I came down with a virus. It hit me while I was sleeping and did strange things to my dreams. Whenever I'm sick I always have particularly vivid, compelling dreams. This one I call "Priestess of the Orphaned Dead."

I kept finding corpses. Abandoned ones with no friends or family to give them a proper burial. At first I was repulsed, but found myself taking them in, washing them and preserving them, wrapping them up in ragged yellow shrouds and sewing them inside. I placed a pinhole in their eyes through their eyelids so they could see. Then I suspended them all in a hole in the ground, coming back to check on them and care for them occasionally. In the waking world, it was a gruesome dream, but inside my dream I started to genuinely care for my job. It wasn't so bad after the first few times, and I realized that these dead people were grateful to me for the sensitivity I showed in caring for their bodies; they wanted to be acknowledged and remembered, and I was the only one who could do this for them. The dream felt ritualistic-- dark, and perhaps grim, but not taboo or evil. I've been thinking about it all week.

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

So, just wait until your kids grow up

When your kids are little, you worry about them falling, running into the street, getting kidnapped. Then you worry when they don't come home on time from school or a date. Then you worry when they go to college and forget to check in with you. And, you figure when they grow up and move away, you don't have to worry about them so much, right? Heh.

I have a liberal/activist articulate blogger son who is now getting threatening phone calls because of something he wrote on his weblog. I posted about it all here. What a world!

Monday, December 02, 2002

Living Erotically

I like this Audre Lorde quote from Deborah Gussman's post: "For once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and our life-pursuits that they feel in accordance with that joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. " I think the forces that converged to catalyze my recent reading of The Ethical Slut and adherence to The Artist's Way have spawned a burning desire for authenticity like Lorde describes above. I find my highly-stressful, well-paying day job increasingly numbing and unfulfilling, and I'm actually feeling like I'm actually going to do something about it. I'm actually feeling are the operative words there...
I haven't read Halley's thoughts, though I've gathered the concept. I don't like the term, girlism; the connotation is...well, you know, GIRLS are not liberated, they are children under the authority of an other and isn't that the precise notion being confronted?

Good advice if you haven't seen it yet.

I got this in an email from a relative, and I hadn't seen the information before. Forgive me if you have; it's worth repeating for those who haven't. It's advice from a lawyer.

The next time you order checks, have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook, he will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name, but your bank will know how you sign your checks. Put your work phone number on your checks instead of your home phone.

If you have a PO Box, use that instead of your home address; if you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS number printed on your checks. You can add it if it is necessary, but if you have it printed, anyone can get it.

Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.

A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company. I pass it along for your information:

We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc. Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know: We have been told you should cancel your credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen; this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).

But here's what is perhaps most important (I never even thought to do this): Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert.

Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks. The numbers are:
Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes; we pass along just about everything. Do think about passing this information along. It could really help someone you care about.

SUVs and Political Unrest!

I am certain that Equality For Women seemed like a good idea at the time. As with other elegant theories fashioned by noble minds, of course, years of wear by actual humans has now made it appear both dowdy and impractical. Whenever shall we acquire the skill of not ruining a half-decent concept?! Just as Socialism morphed into meat-queues, atrocious poetry and genocide, Feminism begat padded shoulders, Spice Girls and mandatory whining. As a species, it must be said, we are adept at making fabulous To Do lists and then misplacing them somewhere in the clutter-drawer of history.
Yes, the Holy Heifer of Women’s Liberation deserves a savage prod. Or, at the very least, a good lie down. Something went terribly awry and a gracious ideal transformed, quite frankly, into a calamitous Tupperware party managed by an ungrateful hostess. What is wrong with feminism? Minds more agile than that which writes this text have addressed that question rigorously.
And even though there are those nodes of feminism’s failure that require a further and urgent attention, I here choose to fixate my attention on one tiny topic: The Right of The Childless Woman To Comfortably Park Her Vehicle.
I ought to explain. Please bear with my automotive conundrum. It requires some clarification.
For those of you who have been intimate, as I have, with The Sisters’ Army, I need hardly give details on how sensitivity to child-rearing issues is key. Heavens, if a girl is not attuned to the Great Needs of Suffering Mothers, she might be stripped of her feminist credentials in a manner that makes even the Brownie Guild look kind. Since the seventies, a crucial goal of feminism has been to acknowledge, mitigate and even seek PAY for the burden that is motherhood. Childcare should be subsidised, maternity leave should be extensive and congratulations on your decision to reproduce should be deafening.
I ought to impart, I suppose, that I once was an ardent supporter of such views. My zeal for the recognition of parenting as a profession was, I guess, informed by the suspicion that I too, one day, would bear children. Now, at 34 and without the funds or indeed apparatus to do so, my opinion has changed. Being a parent is not a duty nor a right, it is an enormous privilege. Being a parent is not a burden, it is, for the most part, a profound joy. Being a parent is NOT something that requires remuneration, sympathy or pity. Yes, I observe in the faces of my female intimates that parenting can be a circuitous journey with its own frustration and paranoias. But come on, ladies, admit it: Having a little one is an absolute hoot!
And so, it is with envy and incredulity that I note a new rash of convenient car spaces in shopping malls nationwide that are reserved for ‘Parents with Prams’. Excuse me?! It’s not enough that you get preferential treatment from Gran, extended leave AND the virtual guarantee of company in your incontinent twilight years, but you must have special parking AS WELL. Well excuse me if I petition for a Resolutely Barren and Proud space this instant.

Halley's back with more about Girlism

And it's bound to cause a stir 'round these parts. I have to finish my work-work before I can blog on it, so have at it.

Sunday, December 01, 2002

This is a test

No one's posted here for a couple of days, and I got an email from Pascale saying that she gets a javascript error message when she tries. So, here's my try. If it works, then it's not the site, right?

Friday, November 29, 2002

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

In keeping with the free-spirited and inclusive intentions that are at the heart of Blog Sisters, today, CEO Jeneane and President Elaine issued the following light-hearted (and somewhat light-headed, after all that world-wide publicity) press release:



Blog Sisters--For Immediate Release
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Blogsisters Relocates Headquarters to Blogaria

Women-Only Weblog Moves from Blogsville to Blogaria to Provide Added
Convenience for Members Attending the University of Blogaria

BLOGARIA, November 29, 2002 - Blog Sisters announced today that it has relocated its headquarters from Blogsville to the college town of Blogaria. The move puts members in closer proximity to the University of Blogaria (UB) where several Sisters hold positions and attend classes.

“When Blogsville turned into Dullsville, we knew it was time to breathe some new life into this community,” said Blog Sisters’ founder and UB staff member, Jeneane Sessum. “Some of us were having to travel five or six clicks just to get our research done on time—never mind correcting papers. It seemed like a good time to pack up and move to Blogaria”

“We’re happy to have the Blog Sisters nearby,” said UB Provost and Vice Chancellor of Imaginary Affairs Frank Paynter. “They know how to cook and clean, and most of the men here have no clue,” he said. “They’re also kind of snazzy dames.”

Blog Sister President, Elaine of Kalilily, responded by socking Paynter in the gut. “That’s just a warning, Bucko,” Elaine said. “Next time I aim lower.”

All in all, the Blog Sister faculty members and students now residing near UB are pleased with the new living arrangements.

They have, however, placed steel-jaw leghold traps at each door to prevent panty raids.

Prof. of Priapic Ideation, Christopher Locke, was not deterred by this news.

“One hundred smart women in one blogdorm—I don’t really need my left leg anyhow.”

Last seen, Elaine of Kalilily was at a kick boxing studio honing her body blows.

# # #






Ms. Magazine Weblog Mentions Blog Sisters

You might like to know that Ms. Magazine online now has a weblog, ms.musings, authored by Christine Cupaiuolo. Her 11/28 post is about the NY Times article, and she mentions Blog Sisters. At the end of that post, she asks "Who are your favorite female bloggers?" If you'd like to suggest a few, link over to here and do so.

What a Day!

Today is my one-year Blogiversary, and I'm celebrating it trying to keep up with all of the women emailing me asking to join Blog Sisters.

Here's an snippet from my post on my own weblog today:
Meanwhile, I celebrate today the way I celebrated November 29, 2001 -- at the computer, weblogging. Although tonight I might work on the booties-that-look-like sneakers for my grandson. I couldn't find a pattern that I liked so I'm inventing my own.... And so, for all those out in Blogdom who criticize women bloggers for posting about knitting. Stuff it!.... Isn't it great to feel that there is nothing we can't do and that it is soooo OK to enjoy all kinds of activities that are productive and life-affirming! Yeah! Yeah! Go Blog Sisters.


Censorship and/or the ethics of delinking:
Do you expect to always have only positive feedback in your comments? Are you upset when someone disagrees with you, or questions your argument? Is blogging about patting those "just like us" on the back, and blocking those who aren't? Is tolerance analogous to stupidity?

What the hell is this? The Tuesday Too on Friday?
No, just some questions to mull over. Here are two links (1, 2) mired in a "discussion" to rev up your engines.

"In the spider-web of facts, many a truth is strangled."
--Paul Eldridge

(Also posted on Testzone)

Thursday, November 28, 2002

Adding my piece on the NY Times article on women & blogs.

So, this is the link, and here is what I have to say about it: The predictably-linked article, from The New York Times discusses the so-called male-dominated world of blogging. The very concept of a male-centric "Blogville" seems ludicrous to me.

I can't recall exactly why I first entered the great wide world of blogging (oh day of days). I'd thought my interest had been piqued by Rebecca Mead's now-famous article in the New Yorker on the nascent blogging scene, but date-checking shows me that my first posting came two weeks before the publication of that article. In any case, I remember that article as being my inspiration for blogging. More specifically, I remember my inspiration being Meg Hourihan, co-founder of Pyra, the company behind the Blogger software (is software the right word?) this blog relies on. From the moment I read the article, I thought Meg (who is herself a BlogSister) seemed nothing short of totally awesome. I read her blog, and I wanted to meet her. I knew that was an absurd and slightly creepy aspiration, and if I couldn't meet her, I could at least blog my heart out. So to me, blogging was always about the women, from the very beginning. I soon discovered other favorite blogs, all belonging to women: Mighty Girl (which I still read almost daily), Weblog Wannabe, and BlogSisters (obviously cool). A quick analysis of my blogroll reveals that of twelve blogs, exactly half are authored by women. Not too shabby.

In short, I feel Lisa Guernsey's article was under-researched and therefore misrepresented my experience, and probably the experience of many other bloggers, both male and female. I remember thinking that "Blogville" was, if anything, dominated by females. In the end, while it was nice to see something in a major publication about BlogSisters, I thought the broad conclusions the author came to were rather unsubstantiated.

(a version of this was originally posted on Fire & Ice)

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

Blog Sisters in the New York Times!

The online version is up, and the print version will be out tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day. Blog Sisters is mentioned in Telling All Online: It's a Man's World (Isn't It?), an article by Lisa Guernsey in the Circuits section of the publication. Jeneane and I are quoted, and there's a photo of our founding mother and her daughter, Jenna. I'll bet we're going to get lots of hits here over the next few days, so now's the time to post all of that stuff that's been sitting on the tip of your fingers. Our thanks to all of our Blog Sisters for opting to be a part of this group of extraordinary women. A Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.

Who Are the Blog Sisters?

At Jeneane's instigation and with your contributions, we have whipped up a bio page for any Blog Sister that would like to send information. Keep 'em coming, and find out more about your fellow Blog Sisters at:

http://blogsisters.blogspot.com/about/index.html

from 0 to 5

soft legs and fleshy neck, the smell of her newborn hair, rubbing my cheek against hers, healing warmth, unspoiled, suckling with rounded fists, peace, awe, eyes that follow me, change colors, open mouth, words forming, joy of legs and arms moving, the first crawl, chasing cats, eating lint from the carpet, tottering from sofa to piano stool, screaming laughter, ugh-ohs, cheerios, elbow macaroni and banging spoons on high chair tray, wandering roaming walking, eating goldfish on the go, washing down crackers with a bottle, french fries, sippy-cup, meatballs and spaghetti sauce hair, sticky bedtime bath, shampoo sweetness, bedtime stories, morning eagerness, piercing voice of joy, running and strutting, up and down stairs, mama, dada, kitty, doggie, pre-k, best friends, skipping and dancing, artwork, watercolors, markers, playdough, Barbie, CDs and cassettes, tantrums, attitude, bumps and bandaids, hugs and tears, a big-girl bed, dresses and party shoes, bows for her hair, phone calls and shopping, pigtails and braids, reading and math, books and papers, hearts and flowers, muscled legs and long neck, the smell of her long, curly hair, rubbying my cheek to hers.

blog sisters / feminism and rumblings

Change comes from being openly dissatisfied. I think it unfortunate that human beings regardless of race gender and whatever else separates our struggles if only in our own closed minds continues to plague the bottom line of real progress.

Its almost funny, but not funny because people honestly believe in this ignorance.

A farmer plants a seed, harvests his crops sells them to the market and makes a profit. Who is really responsible for this progress? The farmer? The market place? The consumers?

No, the seed, the ground, weather, and water is responsible, everybody wants to be special for having the good sense to put right things together.

Good Lawd!!!!

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

Oh, by the way, Post on...

[consider the previous an intermission--return to the discussions at hand.] ;-)

Calling All Blog Sisters

There's been an interesting conversation going on over on Shelley Powers' blog about "girlism" and "feminism" and the like. In the sub-discussion comments, an interesting post from Dan Lyke about Blog Sisters caught my attention. Among other things, Dan said:

"I try not to read Blog Sisters because it feels like 'Maxim for girls', reinforcing the sorts of attitudes which lead to good docile consumers who fit into easily manipulated demographics."

and...

"I understand that Blog Sisters is non-commercial and has no editorial control and is just what its members make of it. And yes, a quick glance through finds some good content. But overall, if I were to paint women in general with the brush I get from Blog Sisters I'd run screaming from the world. My issue, my perceptions, not yours, and it's unlikely that any amount of meta-argument is going to change my mind. If I thought that Blog Sisters accurately represented the attitudes and opinions of women in my personal community, I'd read it for information about them no matter what. And if you're happy with Blog Sisters, more power to you, you're welcome to do with my opinions what you wish."

I take some responsibility for what Dan has missed about us. While I'm not sure where he got the impression that we are "reinforcing the sorts of attitudes which lead to good docile consumers who fit into easily manipulated demographics," I am sure disappointed that he would run screaming from the world if he thought we represented women in general.

That's kind of hard to hear.

I think my part in contributing to Dan's misperception of this place is that I haven't emphasized enough the variety and depth and diversity of women, opinions, lifestyles, beliefs, etc. that are represented in the woman of this community.

I want to change this.

Could each of you--if you want to participate--please email me tonight or tomorrow (there is a time sensitive element to this) a few sentences that describe you--what you're about, what you do, your interests/passions/expertise, your age if you want to share, where you live (state or country, etc.) or anything else that makes you you. If you have a JPEG photo of yourself, send that too, as well as your weblog address.

I want to create a page that tells who we are--who all of us are--not just me, Elaine, and Andrea (the crew that keeps this place going). I'd like to make it easier for those who read us to understand that the women here are single, married, young, not so young, from around the globe; they're stay-at-home moms, working moms, childless-by-choice, or still looking for Mr. or Ms. Right; they're journalists, technologists, children, mothers, grandmothers; they're dancers, artists, poets, feminists, non-feminists. All of it and more.

If each reader were to read every post and visit every individual weblog present here, they'd see this. But let's face it; we can't expect that, and I hate that some folks are missing what makes this place so cool--you.

Andrea, if you want to help, maybe we can design a who-we-are page that says, "About the Blog Sisters," and put our short bios and pics in alphabetical order, along with links to each woman's weblog.

Thoughts? If you email your info and pics to ewriter@bellsouth.net, we'll take it from there. Rather quickly.

Sorry this was so long in coming. Thanks, Ladies.

Let's not forget to lighten up

A friend send me the url to this site for Using humor to bring awareness, support, education and inspiration to women at a time in their lives where all the rules seem to change.

The site even has this section for the men in our lives who care.

Monday, November 25, 2002

Remembering Mimmie

I made two apple pies over the weekend. I can bake fairly well, and I was (relatively) pleased with the outcome. Apple pie is one of my signatures; family and friends now expect me to produce at least one for all holidays. I always feel connected to my grandmother when I bake. Mixing the pie crust, rolling it out, sensing if it needs a bit more water or flour, getting the end result to be perfect...these tasks call images of Mimmie, and the remarks she made, to mind. When I asked her to describe her occupation, as part of an interview for my college class on aging, she responded with a laugh, "I don't want to say jack of all trades and master of none," before settling on "cook."

Mimmie was especially fond of sweets. As a newlywed in 1926, she started writing recipes in a spiral-bound notebook. On the cover is taped an illustration of a kitchen by Maxwell Mays that looks much like Mimmie's at the old house, where she lived before moving to a small mobile home next door to my brother's house, during the later years of her life. Assembling my pies on Saturday, I realize that my kitchen is also reminiscent of hers; although there is no wringer washing machine, and my range uses natural gas instead of propane and wood, the 1940s are still visible in my enamel-topped table, chrome hardware, tile walls, and lack of automatic dishwasher.

Mimmie was precise in everything. Just today I received a note in the mail from my aunt, Mimmie's oldest daughter, about a dinner she hosted a few weekends ago. She writes that it was great to have us over, and she would like to do it again. "I'll try to make something better, I think the mashed potatoes were dry." This makes me smile, because the meal was delicious, and her words remind me of Mimmie. Then, I see she added: "I sound like Mimmie, but it's true," and my smile becomes a chuckle.

The stained pages inside Mimmie's old cookbook are written in fountain pen and long ago started to crumble. That notebook begins with a recipe for Irish Wedding Cake. My sister recently returned from a trip to Ireland. All of Mimmie's grandparents immigrated to the U.S. in the 1840s or '50s. She never visited there; in fact, she rarely strayed from the Catskill Mountain region of upstate New York, and she even preferred staying at home to going out locally. But that didn't prevent her from being fiercely proud of her heritage. My sister brought back some stones from Counties Cork and Kerry. After Thanksgiving we plan to go to the cemetery, to share with Mimmie those mementos from her ancestral place. (Also posted at Gully Brook Press)

Girl Wandering

On the eve of the next big chapter in my life, a move to another continent, I've been thinking a lot about all the wanderings I've done in my scant 24 (soon to be 25) years: living on a sailboat from age 2 and traveling the southern California coast; a three month tour through 25 states, Canada, and Mexico at age seven; trips to Russia, Wales/ UK, Paris, the Netherlands, and now Australia. So, in the middle of packing, I unearthed my diary from my three week trip to Pushkin, Russia at age 16. I've typed up the entries, scanned in sketches and photos, and am now adding some annotations-- memories, reflections, additional information, my thoughts as I look back on one of the most formative trips of my life, and an experience that has added to my considerable wanderlust today. Three continents down, only four to go...

Not a minute more.

Today the United Nations Development Fund for Women is hosting an event in New York to commemorate November 25 as International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.
Somewhere in America a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner, every 15 seconds.
A woman is raped every 23 seconds in South Africa.
Every minute in the United Kingdom, police receive a call from the public for assistance for domestic violence. 81% of these are female victims attacked by male perpetrators.
47% of women in Bangladesh have been physically abused in their lifetime by an intimate partner.

Friday, November 22, 2002

Driving While Aroused

posted tonight on allied as well:

A Longview, Texas woman was arrested for having 17 sex toys in her car, according to this article. If convicted, she could face two years in jail. Notice, will you, that she was stopped for suspicion of DUI. And yet, what is the news angle of this story? The fact that the woman was allegedly driving drunk and could have killed someone's child is not discussed because it's not "news." It's America. What is news is that this woman works as a distributor for Slumber Parties, which is described as Tuperware meets Victoria Secret. Apparently, that just ain't lady like in Texas, ya'll.

What Ever Happened To Feminism?

I'm having lunch with four really bright guys at work and one says, apropos of the Victoria's Secret Lingerie Show on CBS the night before, "What Ever Happened To Feminism?" And I say, "It's over," and then I say, "and you guys are in big, big trouble."


This brings the appetizer munching to a slow halt. I start to explain. We entered the work force in the 70's in those ridiculous women's suits with bowties. We wanted a level playing field. We wanted to play fair. We wanted the same opportunities and privileges men got. We won a few of those, but mostly we lost and we weren't taken seriously. We cried "foul" with sexual harrassment in the 80's and 90's and then the game changed completely. We went back to basics. We found our old power -- girl power -- and we added that to what we'd learned from men. So now we knew how to be professional but we also remembered how to be subversive, subversively female, subversively feminine.


"There is no more feminism," I explain. Game Over. But it took me a day or two to name the new game. It's "girlism" -- women want to be sexy girls and use all the tricks girls use. Crying, flirting, begging, winking, stomping their feet when they don't get their way, general trotting around showing off their long legs and whatever else they decide to show off thereby distracting and derailing men.


It's about power
-- the girl power we've always had, but forgot about, combined with all the stuff we've learned in the workplace. Needless to say, if you're a man and you call us on it, we deny it. The new double double standard. We learned how to stop playing fair.

Violence and the Miss World Pageant

I'm not at all sure what remarks to make about this article, given the variety of issues here, except this: tragic.

Metaphorically Maternal

Among his ongoing commentaries about the politics and poker in America today, bix links to Ellen Goodman’s article about Nancy Pelosi – but he left out something Goodman said that I’d like to highlight.

Goodman says
It's barely a week since Nancy Pelosi became minority leader, and there's already been a regime change of metaphors. Out with sports; in with food…… On ''Meet the Press,'' the woman who became head of the Democratic Household cheerily compared her postelection fate to the patriotic poultry…… ''You know the story. It's like the Thanksgiving turkey,'' she said. ''You bring it out, you get this great honor, everybody oohs and ahs ... and then they begin to carve you up.'

Having worked for almost twenty years for the CEO of a government agency division who is a woman and who made a point of using non-sports metaphors, I saw how a corporate culture is affected by the metaphorical language used by its leader. My former boss tends to use family and home-based metaphors, which reflect a collaborative, sibling approach to management. Most of the managers reporting to her are men, and their tendency is to use sports metaphors, which reflect competitive, hierarchical values. Over the years, her metaphors have reinforced the management messages she tries to communicate. The culture of the organization has become such that employees from other parts of the agency keep looking for job openings with her operation. And, under her leadership, the units for which she is responsible have gained great respect and support from the government agencies that provide her funding.

Language. Voice. Metaphor. More powerful than the sword -- for both good and ill.
(double posted on my own blog)

Thursday, November 21, 2002

holiday gift idea - to benefit breast and ovarian cancer research

I heard about this calendar at work and thought it looked like a great gift idea for the holidays. Proceeds benefit breast cancer and ovarian cancer research, and the cost seems pretty reasonable.



Joyce Ostin, a professional photographer and cancer survivor did the photography. She took these photos in the homes of celebrities who are supporting breast cancer awareness, like Julianna Margulies, Peggy Lipton, Kyra Sedgwick, and others. Pretty cool.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

News on women in technology.

http://sanfrancisco.bizjournals.com/sanfrancisco/stories/2002/11/18/story3.html

From Bizjournals.com, comments on women that are currently holding key positions in technology related corporations.

Monday, November 18, 2002

Solitude vs. Company

Charles Murtaugh cites Caitlin Flanagan on what women apparently crave:
The photography in her [Martha Stewart] various publications seems to reduce all of female longing to its essential elements. A basket of flowers, a child's lawn pinafore draped across a painted rocking chair, an exceptionally white towel folded in thirds and perched in glamorous isolation on a clean and barren shelf: most of the pictures feature a lot of sunlight, and many show rooms that are either empty of people or occupied solely by Martha, evoking the profound and enduring female desires for solitude and silence. No heterosexual man can understand this stuff, and no woman with a beating heart and an ounce of femininity can resist it.

He comments:
I'll take her word for it. And perhaps women will take my word that many men, at least the men I know, crave almost precisely the opposite: not solitude, but company, and specifically the company of other men.


Are women really such lone wolves? Or are we just saying that we are in order to exert our independence?

Sunday, November 17, 2002

Looking for "Normal People Are Not Exceptional"

I'm trying to find where I can get a copy of this film as a holiday present for my son b!X. I guess it played on the International Channel; I don't get it and he missed it. And he can't locate it anywhere through Net searches. Anyone out there know?

Friday, November 15, 2002

Is this for real?

Restrooms of the Future.

31 years of being a woman, and I had no idea this was possible!

Thursday, November 14, 2002

New Yahoo Group

I have been unhappy with the blog groups available, So i am starting a new one.




Click to subscribe to Blogging_Community



I am attempting to create a group that you actually want to join and stay in.

Girl Culture

Found via the illustrious Mena Trott, is an online photo essay based on the Lauren Greenfield book Girl Culture. I thought it was intriguing:

"If I don't dress well, I feel geeky. And if I feel nice, I feel like people like me. Fashionable clothing is way better and cool."
- Lily, 6 years old

"Everybody's got to make fun of somebody else. People make fun of me all the time because I'm overweight. It's just something you try to hide from, I guess. You don't want other people to see."
- Lisa, 13 years old

"I know I play into that image out there, but I try to say it is a fantasy. I look at my own pictures and wish I could look like that."
- Cindy Margolis, "The World's Most Downloaded Woman"

"I have really mixed feelings about the story of Cinderella. Of course, it's every girl's dream to find Prince Charming and marry and have a nice life. But Cinderella can't do anything for herself. She's dependent on the fact that Prince Charming's gonna come and take her, and if it weren't for him she would probably stay there, you know?"
- Ruby, 15 years old


Poignant stuff.

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

Invitation

I would like to invite fellow blog sisters to visit my blog. BlogData
If you read my posts you'll find blog related content, news, links, resources, and discussion. Please feel free to send me articles or news. I enjoy networking within the blogging community. My blog has a personal/professional feel with mixed content its on the techie side without being pretentious or nerdy.

Interact!!! Thanks

Monday, November 11, 2002

Blogger in Wonderland

I am here but I don't really understand. I clicked the invitation link, entered my account name and password then suddenly I am at the post page.

Well, I guess I am in now and I will figure it out from here.

Sunday, November 10, 2002

Juggling frogs

After months of languishing on the sidebar link list, Blogger has finally given me write access to BlogSisters. So, hi there!

I'm currently travelling in Southeast Asia, where women's lives are rather different to the one I led in Brooklyn. Here's a taste from Vietnam, taken from When Heaven and Earth Changed Places by Le Ly's Hayslip. The spirit, if not the substance, may ring true for working mothers in the west.
'In the north, an unusual rice festival among minority groups involves a competition between unmarried women. The task is to cook a pot of rice, suspended from a pole attached to the woman's back by a sash. Each woman must quickly chew a stick of sugarcane to produce fiber for the fire, then balance a pot of rice over the fire. To make the task more difficult, each woman is also given an infant to hold and must contain a frog with a 1.5-meter diameter circle around the fire. The winner is the one who makes the best-tasting rice in the shortest time, keeps the frog contained, and sufficiently soothes the terrified infant.'

Saturday, November 09, 2002

play's the thing....

RageBoy’s post about playing, which links to several other playful male bloggers, affirmed what I was feeling all along in reading some of those posts on these guys’ weblogs. I don’t play the way these guys play, so their play doesn’t seem very playful to me. And I have a feeling that other women bloggers (and non-) feel the same way. Boys tend to love rough and tumble, sucker punches, messy wrestle on the ground get dirt in your mouth play. These male bloggers are playing like that metaphorically. Girls tend not to play the same way as boys. And women tend not to play like men.

So that’s why, when I read this, I think, wow, good blogging, great writing. But when I read some of his other stuff, I think, what a waste of time.

As I read some of the posts at Blog Sisters, I don't see much playfulness. What do we sound like when we're being playful? And why aren't we moreso in our blogs?

Personally, I suspect it's because while the boys are out playing, we're the ones who are dealing with the stuff of every day life survival that's not so much fun. Maybe if we had more support for those things from the men in our lives (and in "life" in general), we'd be more inclined to play more, and our weblogs would reflect this. But I still don't think our play would sound - or feel -- the same as that of our male friends. What do you think?

(double posted on kalilily.net.)

Friday, November 08, 2002

don't forget...

i love the recent posts here, from six-foot woman to bouncer/superhero combo. Where else you gonna find out about these things? That's all. That's all I have to add here this week. The only other thing I want to say is please, answer any or all of the questions on the Blog Sisters Survey, or write your own women and blogging ideas, and send me your thoughts.... good weekend all!

jeneane

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

Terrifica to the Rescue

Topping Blogdex today is the story of a woman in NYC who dresses up as a superhero, hangs around bars, and intervenes when women too far into their cups look like they're about to be taken advantage of. I'm such a nerd, I think it's almost cooler that someone's willing to walk around regularly in mask/cape/boots, but what she's doing seems to be good-hearted, if a little odd and maybe heavy-handed and extreme (and I have to admit, I'm still wondering if it's some kind of hoax-- she even has a velvet-wearing "supervillain" counterpart called Fantastico who likes to be a ladies' man). The article states she created the idea of the superhero character after arriving alone in NYC and feeling vulnerable to the advances of men as a single 20-something. Seems like she prefers the single life to dating games:
"To feel like you have to go to a bar, to put yourself out there, feeling like you have worth only when you're married, engaged, or have a boyfriend, that's weakness," Terrifica says. "People are happiest when they're alone and living their solitary lives."

I find it hard to agree with that last statement, but I'm sure there are at least a few women she's talked to who have avoided some morning-after dread.

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

Lingerie Barbie

The Lingerie Barbie is stirring up a fuss. On the local news last night a furious dad stated he refused to buy the product for his Barbie-loving daughter (it looked like she had just about everything Barbie, including a house) and he was shocked to see it in the FAO Schwarz catalog. I found it odd that there wasn't much focus on the fact that the toy was recommended for 14 year olds and older (his daughter must have been about 7 or so).

I've long been a big UN-fan of Barbie in general, but this new model doesn't bother me so much-- she's kind of just a blatant example of what, to me, Barbie is about anyway. The angry dad on the news was upset about the sexual suggestiveness of the toy, but apparently has no problem letting his daughter play with lots of blonde, unrealistically shaped dolls that promote sexism in a more insidious way. Is this your idea of femininity? I don't want to come down too hard on Barbie dolls. I had one (and only one, and she got pretty beat up) and other dolls as a little girl. But I also had Legos, an electrical circuit experimentation kit, a microscope, etc., etc., and so on. With the Barbie franchise putting out products in the past like a credit card Barbie and a talking Barbie that said, "Math is hard!" it's hard to see how Barbies are supposed to be taken seriously or especially edifying for kids anyway.

Sunday, November 03, 2002

Counselling Teens in (Potentially?) Abusive Relationships

I'm trying to collect some online resources about unhealthy and emotionally abusive relationships. I'm involved in a community forum that seems to have a great deal of teenage girls. I never really took notice before, but ever since they implemented a special topic area for teens, I've been disturbed by the relationships a number of these girls are describing. They are so incredibly desperate and clingy. One, and I'm not exaggerating, went into a panic and blamed herself because she called her boyfriend while he was driving, and the cops started following him. Another, it seems to me, is 6 months away from "he hit me, but I made him so mad and he didn't mean it and he loves me soooo much."

I've found some resources about emotional abuse - symptoms, signs of an abuser, etc. - but while I recognize these characteristics, I'm not sure these girls would. Does anyone have any good resources? Maybe even just on self-esteem, dealing with a cheater, long distance relationships, etc. Preferrably focused on teen relationships.

Thanks in advance!

Friday, November 01, 2002

Gender Gap: Boys Lagging

This story from 60 Minutes, about the growing trend in girls academically outperforming boys, was brought up by a student in my class recently. It struck me when I heard the story broadcast (I sometimes listen to a television program on the radio), that the performance issue is interesting when one considers that there continues to be a lag in women's earnings. An excerpt from the story:

"Why aren’t boys’ academic problems a bigger issue? “There's a little cultural secret at work here. Boys go out in the work world and earn more money,” says Thompson. “Nobody wants to admit what's happening, which is, 'You girls work very hard, but sorry, ladies, when you get out there, we're not going to pay you equally. And you boys, it's OK. You can loaf through school. You'll get good jobs afterwards.'”

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

What is "free"?

My Meidel is the Centerfold

I was just rifling through the Bitch Magazine archives and came across the above-linked article by Deborah Kolben about the first Jewish Playboy bunny, Lindsey Vuolo.

Kolben's thesis is that Vuolo, by posing nude, is defying the stereotypes that paint Jewish women.
As the self-proclaimed first-ever synagogue-attending Jewish centerfold, Lindsey finds herself heralding a new generation of young Jewish women seeking appreciation for their bodies as well as their minds.
Kolben presents the binary that a woman can only be appreciated for either her mind or her body. This is a sexist construct. The only way to defeat this construct is to exist outside of it; NOT to flip the binary, to insist that, dammit, you will accept me for my mind AND my hot bod!

If that isn't giving the patriarchy what it wants, I don't know what is.

From Bradley Hirschfield, rabbi and vice president of the National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership,
“Now you have Jewish men who will go home and masturbate to a Jewish girl for a change,” Hirschfield enthuses on Beliefnet, a website devoted to religious discourse.
Hardly something for a feminist to get excited about.

Kolben goes on to say,
Lindsey falls along a continuum of progress for Jewish women that began in 1945 when Bess Myerson, a brunette from the Bronx, became the first and only Jewish woman to win the title of Miss America.
Sexual objectification = freedom. On what planet?

Monday, October 28, 2002

Petition time!

CODE PINK | Women's Pre-Emptive Strike for Peace
Though the big SF/DC anti-war rally has come and gone, we can still sign this peace petition. There's a pretty heavy essentialist slant to this particular organization ;), but the bottom line is their over 10,000 signature strong petition.

And, hey, Medea Benjamin has something to do with this, so it must be legit :D

RIP Senator Paul Wellstone.

nasty windy days!!!

wasnt the weather scary yesterday!!! i was supposed to be meeting a friend in the afternoon but we both decided that we would not leave the house for fear of being blown over!!!!!!!! seems to be quite calm today tho, which is nice!

Saturday, October 26, 2002

tragedy strikes...and if you're a Democrat, your support is now needed more than ever.

I always thought Senator Paul Wellstone was one of the few Washington politicians that I could respect and admire.
In the words of his campaign manager: "Paul Wellstone was one of a kind. He was a man of principle and conviction, in a world that has too little of either. He was dedicated to helping the little guy, in a business dominated by the big guys. We who had the privilege of working with him hope that he will be remembered as he lived every day: as a champion for people."
The following information comes from the MoveOn.Org PAC mailing list:
"Right now, to our knowledge, neither the campaign nor Wellstone's remaining two sons have announced how they would like his death to be commemorated. If you wish to send a letter of condolence to his campaign, you can mail it to the following address:

Wellstone for Senate Campaign Headquarters
PO Box 14377
St. Paul, MN 55114

Make sure that you write "In memory" on the outside of the letter --
that way the campaign will be able to sort the mail more easily."

This is such a tragedy. I really don't know what to say, except my heart goes out to the people of Minnesota.
And, that now more than ever, we need to remember:

the regime change begins at home.

[cross-posted at cocokat in slumberland.]

Thursday, October 24, 2002

Oh, one more thing....

The survey responses are beginning to roll on in.... Don't forget to complete yours! Thanks! [p.s., these little reminders will appear from time to time over the next two weeks... for those of us who are memory challenged.]

Terrence Real on Oprah Monday

I received an email today from Terrence Real's assistant. It gives details on his upcomimg appearance on Oprah this coming Monday at 4:00--check your local listing to be sure. Terry Real has written some important books on relationships: How Can I Get Through to You: Reconnecting Men and Women and I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression.

Elaine talks about the books here.

Halley talks about the latest book here.

Terry Real says this about the Oprah gig:

"I wanted to share my excitement with you. On Monday Oct 28th at 4pm Eastern Standard (check your local listings in your area) I will appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show talking about "the reality of marriage " - a subject for which I am at no loss of words. The show deals with women's relationship to their wedding and then what happens after. I'm the "after" part. I thought everyone on the show was great."

He encourages feedback through his website and Oprah's. Should be an interesting show. I plan to watch--if you do, let me know what you think here or at ewriter@bellsouth.net. I'll collect the comments for Dr. Real or send him to our site.

Thanks!!

Her site's pretty cool
Hello there! Wassup?
Hello there

new here

Umm...not sure what I am supposed to say or do...I am new....If I want to put a link to this where do I link to here http://blogsisters.blogspot.com/ .
Also Can i use the blogsisters logo picture?

Just Chillin'

Hiya, 'sup? I wanted to add this blog sister's site to mine, u know like a "sites I read" thingy? But I dunnoe how to do it. I reallie want to put it on my site cos this site's interesting! ;) Newayz, I dun even noe how to do my archives on my site. Visit my site & drop a post for me if ya want to?
http://www.allyville.blogspot.com

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

Greetings!!!

Hello! I'm Helen, or Lady H to my friends. I'm 23 and i live and work in Liverpool (uk). I enjoy web design, music and socialising with my friends. Good god i sound like a lonely hearts ad dont i!!! eek!!! anyways, i'm glad to be part of this, i think its brilliant. I'll come back soon and post something worthwhile i promise!!!

Want to tell me about you and blogging?

Hello all. It's time. To say something to the world about women bloggers. Some good books have come out recently on weblogging and I've enjoyed every one of them. But I've also felt that while they do an excellent job at explaining the what, when, and how of weblogging, none have really tackled the who and why. So here I am. Looking to all of the women bloggers who play and share here, for your permission to use posts from your weblogs, and to ask if you'd like to tackle a survey form--write your hearts out, in other words.

I'm looking to write a book, possibly a series of articles, on the topic of women and weblogging, our voices online, how writing online (and what we write online) is affecting our relationships with others, ourselves, our world, and more. Although I can't pay you for your contributions, I'll give the contributors I use in publication credit for your contributions with your name (or pseudonym if you choose) and your weblog URL.

Want to start sharing? Let's get jiggy with it.

Open the RTF file below. Save it to your hard drive, wherever, with the file name of your choice (your name or blog name would be good). Have your say. Save again. And attach as an email back to me at ewriter@bellsouth.net. I'll add the link to the survey to the margin as well, so as this post drops down you'll know where to find it. Feel free to send to other women webloggers too. (And don't worry, I'll get the fellas' input along the way, if, when, and where it's fitting.) Thanks a ton!

BLOG SISTERS SURVEY!

Monday, October 21, 2002

Speaking of Societal Measures of Masculinity...

I found over at Uppity Negro this interesting, though maybe over-vocabularized article, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and notions of masculinity. The article focuses on one of the long-standing male villians, a vampire named Spike, who started out as the worst kind of violent, macho baddie; became, through a government microchip, impotent as a vampire (it prevented him from inflicting any pain on a human being by causing a massive headache); and is now struggling with a full-on human conscience/soul (OK, remember, this tv show is very fictional ;-) ) in a demon's body.

The article finds parallels to the struggle of the modern Western male, who with the recent rise in female empowerment and status as of the turn of the century, needs to find new ways to express the masculine ideal in terms of status symbols, behavior, and appearance. What I found somewhat disappointing, though, was what I felt was a not very thorough examination of the character history of Spike. What the article doesn't mention is Spike's beginning as a vampire: he was once a failed poet, and essentially an utter failure as the "traditional" ideal of masculine. He was effeminite, sentimental, unattractive to women, and also a really sucky poet. After being socially rejected, he becomes a vampire, and takes on the hyper-macho personality of violence, strength, recklessness, and conventional male power. When finally confronted with a female equal (Buffy), he becomes emasculated again, only this time to (I think) gain the potential to grow beyond the stereotype of male-strong-violent-phallus-power. An interesting spiral of development, methinks. What the show then provides, is, perhaps (if you can believe that a television show about a teenage girl who is destined to kill demons can offer any kind of deep significance) a model for the modern man to accept a new form of gender idealism which doesn't focus solely on brute force and masculine strength.

I could go on, but that's enough blather for now. ;-)

Sunday, October 20, 2002

"Men are always wrong...about women."

The above is a quote from a superbly produced play, "A Killing's Tale," written by my ex-husband and b!X's dad. The play, a murder mystery set in the Globe Theater during Shakespeare's time, has Shakespeare deliver the above line.

The play deserves a post all of its own, but that's not where I'm heading with this. I saw the play with a couple who are good friends of mine. I've known the woman, a lawyer and child advocate, for years; her live-in male companion has been with her for the past several years, and so I've gotten to know him through her.

The three of us went to dinner before the play, and, because we were going to see a play by my ex-husband, the conversation naturally meandered toward relationships and why they work and don't work. Now, the woman in this couple is liberal, feminist, creative, childless, and previously divorced. The man has kids from a previous marriage, is intelligent and well-read, and has a wry sense of humor. And he takes great pleasure in asserting Neanderthal attitudes about relationships and women. Yet, they seem to have a good time together.

She says it's because he makes her laugh, they enjoy doing the same kinds of things together (like taking me along with them to see a play); he doesn't care if she shaves her legs or under her armspits; he doesn't expect her to cook or clean (he's neater than she is and so he often does the cleaning). Neither tries to make the other into something he/she is not.

But she also says that if they had met during an earlier stage of their lives, they would have hated each other. They could never have raised children together. But they are at that last partnership stage of life where it's not necessary to agree on a lot of things. What one looks for is companionship, a sharing of everyday things good and bad, a good friend who makes you laugh and will travel with you even though he doesn't really like to fly.

They both loved the play -- which is full of wit and witticisms, has two strong women characters, and includes lots of relevant sub-themes, including homosexuality, religious censorship, and the complexities of male-female relationships. As the Shakespeare character demonstrates, talented playwrights do not necessarily good husbands make.

(This is also posted on my own weblog. I seem to be inclined these days to turn my back on the big disturbing polictical picture -- which seems so removed from anything that I can influence -- and focus more on the small, personal and interpersonal interactions that, to me as of late, seem more real and ultimately momentous.)

Friday, October 18, 2002

Vikkicar signing in...

Hi there. I'm new here. I got in last week or so. Have been checking the archives and the blogs of the sisters here. Having fun reading different blogs from different females perspectives. I am quite new in the blogging community as well. [started May of this year] At first, I was hesitant to make my blog public but finally got brave enough and finally decided to think out loud. [that's also the title of my blog]

I'm 26. I have a job but I don't like it. It was supposed to be a temp job but after four years I'm still at it. It's just hard to look for another job here in the Philippines. [tell me about it...] I'm grateful though that I have a job. At least, I get to buy stuffs and all that. Also, my boss is a relative and he happens to be really nice. Though next year, I have to decide whether I'm staying or going.

I don't smoke or drink, by choice. I don't like smokers who smokes in my way. That's a pet peeve. I'm a homebody. I'd rather stay home in front of my TV than go out to clubs. I'm rather fascinated with men in briefs/boxerbriefs rather than boxers. [that requires another post...teehee]

Dinner with friends and girltalkin' galore over a cup of [the beverage of choice] is one of the things I enjoy doing. Movies. Music. JANE Magazines. TV. Books. [can't get enough of them] I need more time. I don't interact with people that well. I'm quiet. I'm insomniac. I'm Aquarian. If you want to know more about me, just visit my utopia.

I am excited to be a part of this sisterhood though the image of the nun really creeps me out. Big time. Thank you Miss Elaine for sending me the invitation.

Have a fine weekend to all the ladies in here. Godbless.

The Sensuous Male

(This is a double post from my own weblog.)
He's on my mind today both because last night was Salsa dancing at Club Matrixx and because there are some current posts here on Blog Sisters complaining about having to deal with men ogling them and making ridiculous noises and gestures.

I think that many men are confused about the differences between sexist and sexy. In my opinion, many men don't have clue about "sensuality," especially their own. In my opinion, the guys who stand around and ogle women are completely out of touch with their own sensuality.

Contrast that with the guys out dancing Salsa last night. I don't know any of their names yet; I've only been there several times so far, and I go there to dance, not talk. And I do dance -- and the Salsa is a sensuous dance.

One short, paunchy, thinly gray-haired guy, always dressed in a suit, is the best dancer there. He feels the music; every move reflects the intention of every beat. He leads gently but assuredly, holds me firmly, close but not suffacatingly so; he watches and makes sure we keep in touch. He is short, paunchy, thinly gray-haired and marvelously sensual. He loves to dance. He likes women. He doesn't ogle. He's having too much fun. He stops me on my way out to say goodnight. I ask him to save me a few dances next week. You bet, he says.

Another, a young guy, glasses, nice looking, serious, shy, dressed down. His movements are smaller scaled but just as sensual. When we get into a groove, the patterns flowing as though we had choreographed them, his face breaks into a wide smile. His eyes twinkle. We are one with the music and the sensuality of the dance. He is in the moment. He doesn't ogle. He's having too much fun.

I'm 62 years old and past the age at which I get ogled by guys out of touch with their own sensuality. Boy, do those guys need to learn to Salsa!

Mananitas?

Here's one for the Blog Sisters, since we seem to have Sisters from just about every ethnic group on the planet:

I'm trying to find out about the origins and history of the "mananita," which, according to a photo in a yarn catalog, is a lacey shawl knit in a spiral. I can't find anything on the Web. Does anyone know???

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

Hello there. Lovely to be part of a Blog Sisters. Just an addition to the 350 periods. I've calculated exactly 289 for me and I don't have any kids! Whats even more of thought provoking is that each month at least one egg was unfurtilised. (we know about multiple eggs right?). So, when I think about my 25 years and 8 months of worth of periods, I think about that. I know that millions of sperm get released each time a guy ejaculates, but to me, that's waaayyyyyyy different. Is that wrong? Anyway, thats all I have to say about that. Come and visit me if you like at http://xsclothingwoman.blogspot.com and read about my adventures and thoughts!
Nothing flash, just some fun stuff!

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

b!X's birthday bash?

On October 26, the day after his 33rd birthday, my son b!X will be marching in San Francisco to protest our government's warmongering policy on Iraq. I hope that it becomes a birthday bash and not a head bashing for him.

So, if any of you are in SF at the same time and run into him, give him a big birthday hug and kiss from his Momma, who hasn't had a chance to do that for years and years now.

And may all of you marchers and protesters be safe and successful. And so may all of us who don't believe that waging war against Iraq is going to make life better for anyone but those who are already protected by power and money.

Monday, October 14, 2002

In celebration of 350

The way I figure it, today I began my 350th period. I figure it this way--I started at age 10 (yes, young), which means I've been having my period for 30 years. At 12 months in a year, that's 360. Take away the 9 months of pregnancy and 1 month it stayed away after, and that brings me to my 350 milestone.

Why a milestone? Because it means I've lived through 350 episodes of stinking PMS, that's why. And this month was a doosey. Ask Halley. She talked to me during my downward spiral last week. "I don't know, Halley. Nothing's really right. Everything's basically wrong. It's pretty much useless." Those kinds of things. Anyone familiar with them?

Swiftly, without giving my household or my mind time to switch gears, the old hormones had me rocketing into anger mode. "WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT??!" "JENNA STOP IT OR GET TO YOUR ROOM!" "DID I SAY I WAS ANGRY??" Holy cripe, I couldn't even stand myself. All the while, I wasn't sure what was up because I was a week late and vascilated between wondering, am I pregnant or did i mix up when I last had my little friend?

Let me tell you, the relief last night when old 350 hit was palpable. Children slept. The neighborhood dogs stopped baying. Birds began chirping from their quiet nests. The clouds parted to show a massive sky dotted with sparkling stars. Husbands around the world sighed. And me, I was suddenly Glenda, the good witch of the North again.

So for anyone wondering, 350's a charm.

Friday, October 11, 2002

Hope Springs Eternal

(this is a double post; also on my weblog)
Periodically, I get emails from various anti-war friends to sign an email petition or some such thing. Thanks to the education b!X has given me about separating the internet wheat from the chaff, I have learned to reply to such emails with a version of the following message -- which I just sent to the dozens of people who also received the latest email and whose addresses were at my mercy in the body of the message.

You should know that this effort is bogus and is just a waste of your time. There are several sites that you can check for the validity of similar efforts and other rumors spread over the internet. One of these is http://www.snopes.com/index.htm. If you go there and search for "United Nations Peace Petition," you will find an explanation of this untrue rumor.

Also, just a helpful hint for when you send out mass emails -- it's wise to enter those addresses in the BCC: box so that all of those addresses are not visible. (For example, I was able to send this message to everyone who was on the mailing list along with me.)

Finally, if you want to keep up with all kinds of non-mainstream information about "King George" and his efforts to propel us into a warring frenzy, check out www.poxamericana.us.

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

hi sisters!!

first of all..thanks a million for invitin me to be one of the blog sisters..such an honour.. well anyway..i juz wanna know what u guys think abt this topic..
Should divorce be banned?
i got it for one of my examinations topic and well..i guess i didnt do my best on it..
its reali a good question eh??
anyway..blog away and tell me ur comments..
hehehe....

Monday, October 07, 2002

Voila!

The new design is in place. The most observant of you may notice that the archives are a bit funky. I'm blaming it on Blogger, because I can't think of anything I'm doing wrong to make the February link show March dates (though the more recent archives seem to be working just fine).

At any rate, I hope y'all like the new look. If you have any specific, pressing concerns (like that brownish color scheme I chose makes you succumb to epileptic fits, etc.), please do let me know. I have no intention of being the Tech Nazi. :-)

Friday, October 04, 2002

More activism.

Hi sisters! I'm still really new to the community, but I thought I'd throw this link out there (and hopefully it hasn't been discussed earlier). I caught about 10 minutes of Oprah today, and was really drawn to what was being discussed.

Its the story of a Nigerian woman, who is in danger of being stoned ... and we can help.

From Amnesty International USA's website:

AMINA LAWAL, a 30 year-old Muslim woman, was sentenced on Friday 22 March 2002 to stoning to death by a Shari'ah court at Bakori in Katsina State in northern Nigeria. Amina allegedly confessed to having had a child while divorced. Pregnancy outside of marriage constitutes sufficient evidence for a woman to be convicted of adultery according to the new Shari'ah-based penal code for Muslims, introduced in Katsina State. The man named as the father of her baby girl reportedly denied having sex with her and his confession was enough for the charges against him to be discontinued. Amina did not have a lawyer during her first trial, when the judgement was passed. But she has now filed an appeal against her sentence with the help of a lawyer hired by a pool of Nigerian human rights and women's rights organisations.

The hearing of the appeal by the Shari'ah Court of Appeal of Funtua, Katsina State, was set for May 27, 2002 but adjourned twice, after her lawyer argued for an early hearing to take place instead of having the hearing postponed until next year as previously proposed by the court. Amina Lawal is still weaning her baby. Such a long adjournment of the case would have not served any useful purpose and would have deepened the climate of uncertainty created by the whole process. The terms of the bail have also been reviewed. Under these new terms for bail agreed by the court, Amina Lawal will no longer be reporting fortnightly to them. The only condition, however, is that Amina Lawal had to have a 'surety'.

On 8 July 2002, Amina Lawal made the submission of her appeal before the Shari'ah Court or Appeal of Funtua. The hearing of her appeal resumed on 5 August 2002 and the prosecutor presented his case and urged the court to maintain the sentence, death by stoning, passed by the Shari'ah court of Bakori. On August 19, Amina’s appeal was denied. She now has thirty days to make another appeal to the Supreme court in Abuja, the nation’s capital.

Go to the site and send an email off to the Nigerian ambassador. In fact, sign up for the newsletter. There's so much we can do, if we just invest a couple minutes here and there.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Warning: Design Ahead

As the first major undertaking of my office of "Technical Blog Sister Support", and at the behest of Jeneane and Elaine, I've done a little markup revising to give Blog Sisters a new look and more compliance with web standards, etc. This means that I will be changing the Blog Sisters template, and it will be looking pretty different by the time I'm done.

The day of the change is coming soon (rough estimate at this point: by the end of the week). If you'd like to offer your two cents before that happens, feel free to email me (Andrea). Hopefully this redesign should accomplish two things: to give the Blog Sisters web site a more distinct and unique appearance, and to make sure that it's relatively readable and visually consistent in all different kinds of web browsers, on all different kinds of computers.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog. :-)

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

Throwing off the Veil of Oppression

Wow.

Not that I'm a condoner of violence, but that was a pretty brave, gutsy thing to do. I don't have much commentary to add to the article other than that.

Found via The Avocado Couch.

Sunday, September 22, 2002

Matchmaking the "Brightest People"

Now here's something for the single Sistahs to consider:
Psychoanalyst Frederick Levenson, who practices on Long Island and in Manhattan, has begun marketing TheraDate....... The concept is that "The people using psychotherapy to improve their lives are some of the brightest, most verbally adept and success-oriented people in America," Levenson said. They would be more likely to have successful relationships with others who recognize the value of self-reflection and are prone to talk about their feelings, he said. And who better to match them up than therapists, who do marriage counseling every day and whom Levenson calls "relationship experts"?

He's got a website at www.theradate.com, but I've yet to be able to get on it.

Friday, September 20, 2002

::blush:: Hehe

Hey! I was just quoted here ~~> Random Blog Quotes for my last blog entry!!

I'm so tickled I can't stop giggling!! ::grins hugely::

Just had to share that with my Sistahs!!!

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

Good vs. Evil, Us vs. Them

I just posted this over on my blog and I'd love to hear what my Sistahs think about the subject. Basically, it's regarding a discussion my son and I had this evening while watching the new Twilight Zone that got me thinking, and I wanted to share :D

Thanks for any input/insights/wisdom you'd like to share!

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Blog Sisters News Alert!

1. We have had an influx of new Blog Sisters over the last month or so. At the moment, our official membership registration stands at 85, and there are about 20 invitations that have been sent out for which I’m still awaiting replies. Our voices are being heard, and our words are encouraging more and more women to exercise their own unique voices. Keep it up, Sistahs!
2. Because I’m the one who sends out the invitations to join, some of the new members might not realize that our Great Founding Sister is Jeneane Sessum, not me. Jeneane continues to be our inspiration and motivation for keeping this weblog a place where women can feel safe speaking their truths. (And sometimes we find that we have as many truths as there are Blog Sisters posting. And that’s just fine.)
3. We’re taking on an additional administrator to help with the technical aspects of the site. Andrea R. James, who is a consistent contributor to Blog Sisters and a talented techie, has agreed to be the person you can contact if you’re having technical difficulties. She’s also going to work on giving the look of this weblog a little creative massaging. You go, Andrea.
4. Because we’ve had such a constant flow of newcomers, I’m not sure that I have everyone listed in our blogroll the way I should. So, please check for your name over on the left and make sure that it links to your personal weblog. If there are any mistakes or you want anything changed, just let me know at kalilily@nycap.rr.com.

And now, back to our regular programming.

Saturday, September 14, 2002

A Way to Help Survivors of September 11 Victims

Hi, Blog Sisters. I'm Ginger, I'm a thirty-something technical writer who lives in Houston and this is my first post to Blog Sisters.

Several jobs ago, I worked as a paralegal for a lawyer who practiced immigration law, and I keep up with immigration issues even though I no longer work in the field. I found out something yesterday about the immigration status of foreign survivors of September 11 victims that really bothered me, and I would like to ask the sisters to help.

It turns out that the blanket authorization for survivors to stay in the US regardless of how long they were supposed to be allowed to stay otherwise expired on Wednesday, the anniversary of the attacks. Technically, many of these survivors have no basis to remain in the US once their spouses were dead. The Attorney General has authorization to help them on an individual basis on the PATRIOT Act, but that requires a lot of effort to bring individual cases to his attention.

Senator Jon Corzine of New Jersey sponsored a bill in the Senate to help the survivors on a permanent basis, but it won't pass this year. Meanwhile, he has a bill in the Senate to extend the blanket stay for another year. If it passes both the Senate and the House before the end of the session (October 4), the President can sign it into law and the foreign survivors of September 11 victims will be able to remain in the United States legally.

It's particularly important that this bill be enacted into law now because of some provisions barring "overstayers" from reentering the United States. Under current immigration law, anyone who is in the United States without authorization, i.e., illegally, for six months is barred from reentering for three years. Anyone who is in the United States without authorization for a year is barred from reentering for ten years. That's without thinking about what might happen if they were deported instead of leaving voluntarily when the INS catches up with them.

I ask that anyone reading this talk to their senators about S.2845, which extends the legislative relief to which survivors of those killed last September are entitled under the PATRIOT Act for another year.

[If the link to the bill doesn't work, use the lookup from Senator Jon Corzine's homepage.]

S.2845 is currently sitting in committee, and the time for September 11 survivors is running out. If nothing is done for them, and that means retroactively fixing their status, they'll be deported. The status of those survivors who would have had to leave before now has already expired. While the world mourned their spouses and parents, they became illegal aliens.

If S.2845 is not enacted as a stopgap until the next Congress can offer all survivors of September 11 victims permanent legislative relief (as opposed to the discretionary relief they get under current law), these survivors may become illegal aliens. They may become subject to the three-year or ten-year reentry bar for overstaying. They may be deported.

If you think the survivors of those who died on September 11 deserve to stay in the United States, please write, email, or better, call your senators (find them here) and urge them to support S.2845. Contact your representative and ask him or her to sponsor and vote for a companion bill in the House. And spread the word.

Thanks for reading.

Thursday, September 12, 2002

I Heart My NY

Nobody posted anything on September 11th, and I thought it was appropriate for something to be said, even a day late.

When I first entered this world, the world I entered was New York. My first sense of place and space and home was shaped by the streets of Manhattan. New York is mine because when my school was under construction and the student body was homeless, the city was my classroom; my uniformed classmates and I traipsed all over New York with our teachers, learning from the city instead of simply within it. It's mine because I once spent four hours sitting on the steps of the public library people-watching. It's mine because I've been reading the real estate section of The New York Times since I was eleven to try to figure out which New York neighborhood will still be semi-affordable when I graduate. It's mine because I've left my mark there: I carved my name on a tree in Central Park, I scraped my knees on sidewalks, I once lost a tooth in my favorite playground on East End Avenue. It's mine because being there gives me comfort and not stress: when I felt suffocated by the monotony of New York suburbia, it was my escape, and the only escape I ever needed. It's mine because it has forever imbued in me open-mindedness, street smarts, common sense, confidence, a love of culture, and a rejection of ignorance. This is my New York.

New York was always mine, and I was always proud, even snobby about it. I clung to what New York was for me, and turned my nose on what it to many tourists: an urban Disneyland whose highlights included the Manhattan Mall, the Statue of Liberty, Time Square, F.A.O. Schwartz, and the Bronx Zoo. When I passed by obvious tourists -- camera-and-umbrella-toting, too-large-"I-heart-NY"-shirt-wearing, subway-map-squinting tourists -- I sighed. How could they love -- or even "heart" New York --when they didn't know it at all? I was more partial to shirts that read "Welcome to New York!" on the front and "Now get out" on the back. But when I showed people around, be it my clueless born and raised in suburbia friends or enthusiastic visitors from out of town, I showed them my New York, what was, to me, the real New York.

On September 11th, something suddenly changed. New York was not just mine; New York no longer belonged exclusively to New Yorkers. New York City suddenly was real for everybody, and truly belonged to everybody. It belonged to all the tourists whom I'd scoffed at, to all the people who'd never made it there, to everybody who had ever loved anybody or anything. I love New York with everything in me, and I have for as long as I can remember. But on September 11th, we all mourned together. We all loved New York together.

A year later, nobody has forgotten. Everybody I know still has a soft spot for New York that they hadn't had before. When I was in the wilderness of western Canada a month ago, a local asked me where I was from. I told her. She replied only: "Where were you when it happened?" One year has passed, but the memory of that day is so vivid and the pain so fresh, that it hardly seems possible. I'm no longer eager to claim New York as exclusively mine. Every citizen of the world has stock in what New York City and its people have come to represent. I only hope that the anniversary of September 11th is marked by genuine remembrance and reflection, not by blind patriotism and kitsch worthy of the Manhattan Mall. We shouldn't need plastic flags and TV specials to help us remember. As President Bush was quoted as saying on December 11th, "In time, perhaps, we will mark the memory of September 11 in stone and metal, something we can show children as yet unborn to help them understand what happened on this minute and on this day. But for those of us who lived through these events, the only marker we'll ever need is the tick of a clock at the 46th minute of the eighth hour of the 11th day."

originally posted by me at Fire & Ice

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

Men, depression, relationships, families, and two good books

I'm in the process of reading two excellent books by Dr. Terrence Real, a family therapist and author about whom Jeneane Sessum has been posting. And so I'm dedicating my next few posts on my own blog to sharing information from these books. Given what I've been reading here and in the personal blogs of some of our Blog Sisters, the information that Dr. Real is sharing is very relevant. If you don't have time to read the books, read my posts, so far here and here. Stay tuned for more.

Monday, September 09, 2002

let it flow.

I have something on my mind and I'm wondering where the Blog Sisters stand on the issue. I have been, for my past 4 or 5 menstrual cycles, using washable, rather than disposable products to collect the flow. I first became curious about washable menstrual pads through the many ads for them in 2 of my favorite magazines, Bitch and BUST. For years, I did nothing but wonder, who out there would have the time, to say nothing of the desire, to wash out blood-soaked rags throughout their cycle. Especially those women with heavy flow. We're talking washing out pads maybe 4 or 5 times a day, over the course of 3 to 7 days. Aren't disposable tampons and pads a revolution in themselves, liberating so many women from the endless drudgery of scrubbing that our foremothers endured? Isn't that the definition of "better living through chemistry?"

Then I started reading. I was alarmed, and then increasingly horrified to realize something that should have been obvious: that the dioxins and other chemical agents used to bleach paper products, substances that I know are harmful to the environment, are the same toxic chemicals used to bleach tampons and disposable pads that I would regularly wear close to the most delicate area of my body during my period. Further reading turned up evidence of links between tampon use and diseases such as endometriosis. The more I read, the more I thought, I need to get over my squeamishness and my wanting to avoid extra time with my handwashing. In addition, I thought about the sheer volume of menstrual trash that would be eliminated by my ceasing to use tampons and throwaway pads. For that reason alone, I thought, I should at least give washable menstrual pads a try.

Now that I've done it for several months, I know I'll never go back to my disposable ways. They're comfortable, they don't have that nasty plastic liner to deal with in your panties, they're safe and - the big bonus - they're incredibly cute! You can go to
Lunapads, the Rag Hag, or Urban Armor to see for yourself. My question is, do any of the Blog Sisters use these products, and how do you like them? I have brought up my newfound love of them to a few friends, progressive ladies all, and the responses have been mostly mild curiousity. I currently don't know anyone personally who also washes their pads (unless they just haven't told me yet!). I do have some links to purveyors of the pads displayed quietly on my blog under the heading "good for the planet."

I'd be interested to hear your responses. Also, if this topic has been raised in a previous discussion, then please point me in the direction of the archives and I'll read there happily.

This is my first time here, and I'm honored to be a new Sister. Thanks.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

A comment from the father of my offspring

He left this poem he wrote as a comment on my weblog. I think it deserves repeating here.

FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS
Little girls are nice
but we do them wrong
fussing with their hair and dressing them up
like dolls --
teaching them from the start
they are playthings.
Better we should feed them
words and numbers and tools
to remind them
that before women, they are people.
Teach them love and caring and nurture, yes,
but not as the entirety of their being,
else those qualities become walls and prisons.
Give them, as well, wings
and teach them to fly --
in case later in life
someone builds walls around them.
Little girls are nice,
but daughters who are their soaring selves
are better.

Sunday, September 01, 2002

Interesting take on gender difference

I found this very relevant passage in a "trashy" novel I just finished reading that gave me a kind of "Aha!" Here's the condensed passage: (It's a novel written by a woman about a novel that's being written by a man.)

"Women readers aren't turned on by nice heroes any more than male readers lust after heroines who are too virtuous. There should be a hint, maybe at least a promise, of corruptibility."

"You don't have to worry about Roark in that regard. Women readers will love him.... He's very male. His responses are intinctually masculine. He looks at everying in a sexual context first, before expanding his viewpoint to include other factors, like morality...... He declined her invitation to have sex, demonstating that he knows where the lines of decency are drawn."

It seems to me that the same concept is often true in the non-fiction world. Men and women start out from different sexual/emotional places. And, if they're "evolved" enough, expand their viewpoints so that their attitudes can meet up somewhere in the middle. Whaddya' think?

What to do with teenagers when roller skating gets old? SkyZone!

As the mother of a teenage daughter, figuring out activities that give ME a break, are nearby, don't involve computers and cell phones...