Jennifer Balderama posts this ee cummings quote:
Stolen wisdom: to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
I saw the movie “The Hours” tonight. It’s a movie about that battle.
As Blog Sisters registrar, I’ve been registering new sistahs almost every day, many of them young enough to be my granddaughters. Their blogs tend to be about that battle.
The Blog Sisters who’ve been there from the beginning – Jeneane, Shelley, Halley – never stop fighting to be nobody but themselves. They blog their struggles, their questions, their answers – refusing to become everybody else. Their posts are about that battle.
(Read the whole and rest of the rant here.)
Saturday, January 25, 2003
George Bush--urban cowboy?!!
Watching a news conference with George Bush makes me want to gag--why must he wear the cowboy hat? Isn't his outlaw/old west/manifest destiny attitude bad enough? must he reveal himself via clothing choices to be the stick up the butt/devalue the choices of American people/moral policeman politician that he is? Don't try to be cool George. Your heavy handed policy choices are not cool.
Also, just to comment on Glovefox's blog that the Chinese have long memories (i know, the post was about bullying, this is just an aside), I'm reading Amy Tan's The Bonesetter's Daughter, which is all about the Chinese having long memories, among other things. I really enjoy her writing, but many individuals whom I admire, including my World Lit by Women prof, degraded her writing, saying that she's a fluff author, a John Grisham or Mary Higgins Clark for the ethnic set. I've read all of Tan's books, and have enjoyed them all, and while I am not above literary snobbery, I just don't agree with that mindset. Just wondering how any who have read/critiqued Tan's work may feel about this. I do admit that her whole "rock band" with Stephen King seemed like really self-serving preening, I can not defend that, but her writing on the whole is really representative of the Asian/American, Chinese/American experience. If you're interested in East-Asian American women writers you should also check out Gish Jen.
Also, just to comment on Glovefox's blog that the Chinese have long memories (i know, the post was about bullying, this is just an aside), I'm reading Amy Tan's The Bonesetter's Daughter, which is all about the Chinese having long memories, among other things. I really enjoy her writing, but many individuals whom I admire, including my World Lit by Women prof, degraded her writing, saying that she's a fluff author, a John Grisham or Mary Higgins Clark for the ethnic set. I've read all of Tan's books, and have enjoyed them all, and while I am not above literary snobbery, I just don't agree with that mindset. Just wondering how any who have read/critiqued Tan's work may feel about this. I do admit that her whole "rock band" with Stephen King seemed like really self-serving preening, I can not defend that, but her writing on the whole is really representative of the Asian/American, Chinese/American experience. If you're interested in East-Asian American women writers you should also check out Gish Jen.
Friday, January 24, 2003
Blogging=too much time on the computer!
I came across an interesting story titled, "Aesthetic Impacts of Population Dynamics" Which explains the changes in population and beauty ideals. Also came across notes from the NARAL Roe VS Wade dinner. It's late, I need to go to bed so sorry if I don't post more. You can read more stuff in my blog if you like. Blogging is way too addictive!!! I'm not getting anything else done. -Jennifer Medlock
Thursday, January 23, 2003
Greetings!
Greetings, All. I'm new here. I'm blogging from High Point, North Carolina. Guilford County is the Political Candidate blogging capitol of the world. I'm a 28 year old acrylic artist and a college student, as well as a wife, and a mother of a darling seven year old girl. Oh, yeah-there's the pug, too. I actually met my husband online through hotmail personals if you can believe that! I was just looking for more e-mail to fill my in-box at the time. :-) I only met two local men, after many months of e-mailing. Not a really safe thing, but neither is showing yourself in public (I'm kind of joking). That reminds me-I really hate men who make a scene while they are staring at you. Creepy. Anyway, here is an article about another peace activist woman (not me-but I'm with you there). That link goes to PressAction.com, which is how I found Blog Sisters. They have a bit about women bloggers today, which another blogger had pointed to as well. -Jennifer Medlock
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
"The Cruelty of Men and Americans"
Check out the essay about our cultural violence by U of Texas professor Robert Jensen in the online journal Feminista.
One of his points: “Pornography and the wars of the U.S. empire both depend for their success on the process of rendering human beings less-than-fully-human so they can be hurt -- in the case of pornography to provide pleasure for men, and in war to protect the comfort of Americans.”
One of his points: “Pornography and the wars of the U.S. empire both depend for their success on the process of rendering human beings less-than-fully-human so they can be hurt -- in the case of pornography to provide pleasure for men, and in war to protect the comfort of Americans.”
my story about off label use of ru-486
i posted this in my blog too:
okay, here's the story. the drug mifepristone, more commonly known as ru-486,, even more commonly known as the abortion drug, is now being shown to work in treating a variety of diseases, two of which are severe and psychotic depression. i suffer from severe depression.
last week i went in to my doctor. the bad news she gave me was that there wasn't much else she could do for me. i had recently read in ms. that there was a study being done at standford, but also that doctors might be able to get a hold of the drug through the feminist majority foundation. i mentioned this to my doctor and brought in a copy of the article, hoping that we could get a hold of the drug for me.
a week later. she tells me we can't get a hold of the drug. she didn't call the fmf but she talked to some of her friends-- my doctor is a pro-choice activist-- and they told her that the drug was so highly regulated that you had to call the company to get a hold of it for any off label use, and with a study going on for depression there was no way she was going to be able to get it for me. (can't do a study, to high a risk of me getting a placebo and that is way bad news.)
see, with any other fda approved drug and off label use there's no problem. doctors do it all the time. in fact i'm sure the vast majority of you have gotten a drug from your doctor and used it for a reason not under the original reason approved by the fda. but because this drug was approved as the abortion drug all the right wingers have decided to fuck with it and not let free use of it. so those people like me who could benefit from it have to suffer because of morality not chosen by us.
i've written a note to my doctor telling her that if the group she works with in her activism wants to use me as a face and a name in their materials to help get the government to lay off ru-486 they'd be more than welcome. and i'll be calling my senators, that pissant gordon smith, and ron wyden, and my house dude- peter defazio, and maybe even trying to speak with them personally. i want all of them to put a name to what this government has done. and luckily i'm a person that they like. white, middle class, and educated (i'll leave out the lesbian part). i'm even gonna find out the name of the manufacturer of ru-486 and call the president.
okay, here's the story. the drug mifepristone, more commonly known as ru-486,, even more commonly known as the abortion drug, is now being shown to work in treating a variety of diseases, two of which are severe and psychotic depression. i suffer from severe depression.
last week i went in to my doctor. the bad news she gave me was that there wasn't much else she could do for me. i had recently read in ms. that there was a study being done at standford, but also that doctors might be able to get a hold of the drug through the feminist majority foundation. i mentioned this to my doctor and brought in a copy of the article, hoping that we could get a hold of the drug for me.
a week later. she tells me we can't get a hold of the drug. she didn't call the fmf but she talked to some of her friends-- my doctor is a pro-choice activist-- and they told her that the drug was so highly regulated that you had to call the company to get a hold of it for any off label use, and with a study going on for depression there was no way she was going to be able to get it for me. (can't do a study, to high a risk of me getting a placebo and that is way bad news.)
see, with any other fda approved drug and off label use there's no problem. doctors do it all the time. in fact i'm sure the vast majority of you have gotten a drug from your doctor and used it for a reason not under the original reason approved by the fda. but because this drug was approved as the abortion drug all the right wingers have decided to fuck with it and not let free use of it. so those people like me who could benefit from it have to suffer because of morality not chosen by us.
i've written a note to my doctor telling her that if the group she works with in her activism wants to use me as a face and a name in their materials to help get the government to lay off ru-486 they'd be more than welcome. and i'll be calling my senators, that pissant gordon smith, and ron wyden, and my house dude- peter defazio, and maybe even trying to speak with them personally. i want all of them to put a name to what this government has done. and luckily i'm a person that they like. white, middle class, and educated (i'll leave out the lesbian part). i'm even gonna find out the name of the manufacturer of ru-486 and call the president.
Now Here's a Question for You..
Does anyone know if there's a site to help women who have been scammed by an internet "date?" A woman I know who knows that I blog here, asked me to try to find out. If not, she was wondering what her liability would be if she started one. Maybe a blog where women could post the names of the men who are lying about their married states etc.? I know that, a while ago, some Blog Sister posted here about a guy who was was a real scumbag and warned other women using internet dating about him. Anyone have any info? Ideas? Suggestions? Links? Thanks.
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Body Positive
This week is Healthy Weight Week. If you do a Google search you will find a bunch of sites, some of which are about weight loss. Others are promoting the paradigm of Health at Any Size.
I’m writing something every day about my own experience of, and thoughts about being fat and body positive ideas. I thought I’d ask Blogsisters to make a body positive post this week.
I’m writing something every day about my own experience of, and thoughts about being fat and body positive ideas. I thought I’d ask Blogsisters to make a body positive post this week.
Monday, January 20, 2003
The abortion debate may be the most cliche thing to post about on BlogSisters, but so it goes.
Today in The New York Times, there was a front page article on the state of abortion rights in the United States. It was a slightly faulty (but more thorough than most) assessment of the history of abortion in America, just in time for the thirtieth anniversary of Roe v. Wade. It is so vital, now more than ever, that we acquaint ourselves with history so that we can appreciate and understand how we came to where we are now. It was very distressing to read in this article than in one poll conducted in Washington state, the majority of participants had no idea that abortion was ever illegal. But many things were hopeful. It seems that 80% of the population supports abortion rights (some with stricter restrictions, some without), and, at the same time, the rate of abortion is currently at its lowest since 1974.
Also: I would like to assert that I make no false claims of non-bias. I am clearly pro-choice, and I am not pretending that anything I've written here or linked to is anything resembling objective.
Also: I would like to assert that I make no false claims of non-bias. I am clearly pro-choice, and I am not pretending that anything I've written here or linked to is anything resembling objective.
Saturday, January 18, 2003
Why I think women are way ahead of men.
Brain research is making it more and more evident that, while our environment and nurturing can make a crucial difference in what kinds of adults we mature into, nature deals us each a very definitive hand, and much of it is in the form of chemicals that our brains produce. If we don’t have enough seratonin, we feel depressed. If we are females and our estrogen and progesterone are out of whack, we get major PMS. (These are just two of hundreds of examples.)
Many of us women have come to recognize that we can control PMS – with everything from herbal supplements to wild yam cream, from progesterone suppositories to Prozac capsules. Because humans have evolved the way we have, it might be “natural” to be at the mercy of our erratic human brain and glandular chemistries, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take our fate into our own hands and alter those defective ebbs and flows. Doing so doesn’t make us less ourselves; indeed, it often frees us from the tyranny of our chemistries and allows us to be so much more our loving, caring, creative, and nurturing selves – in other words, better human beings.
Research has also made the connection between high levels of testosterone and violence/aggression/competitiveness. It has also made the connection between high levels of testosterone and sex drive.
Read the rest of my rant on my weblog here.
Many of us women have come to recognize that we can control PMS – with everything from herbal supplements to wild yam cream, from progesterone suppositories to Prozac capsules. Because humans have evolved the way we have, it might be “natural” to be at the mercy of our erratic human brain and glandular chemistries, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take our fate into our own hands and alter those defective ebbs and flows. Doing so doesn’t make us less ourselves; indeed, it often frees us from the tyranny of our chemistries and allows us to be so much more our loving, caring, creative, and nurturing selves – in other words, better human beings.
Research has also made the connection between high levels of testosterone and violence/aggression/competitiveness. It has also made the connection between high levels of testosterone and sex drive.
Read the rest of my rant on my weblog here.
Behind the Music
Music, sexism and war. When I was younger and more of a television watcher, I loved to tune in to PBS in the beginning of the year to watch the Vienna Philharmonic's New Year Celebration. Actually, I listened more than watched because as a musician myself, music was first. Then my father pointed out, "There aren't any women in the orchestra." That's when I started paying attention to the screen. Indeed, there weren't any women in the orchestra, except maybe the harpist, but I wasn't sure because I only saw the harp itself and not the musician behind it.
I suppose I've been spoiled into thinking that musicians were only judged by their ability and not something superficial like the color of your hair*. Maybe I'm too idealistic in thinking that music should come first because I start noticing certain things. Why were most of my music teachers female but all of the conductors of the orchestras I was a member of male? Why are certain instruments considered "girly" when kids are given an opportunity to learn music? Why are so many composers hired for movie scores male?
This chauvinism obviously isn't just confined to the Vienna Philharmonic, but I'm not sure if a protest aimed singly at this organization is going to help much.
*Except for popular idols where their only marketable attribute is sex appeal and not the validity of their music.
Also posted on syaffolee.
I suppose I've been spoiled into thinking that musicians were only judged by their ability and not something superficial like the color of your hair*. Maybe I'm too idealistic in thinking that music should come first because I start noticing certain things. Why were most of my music teachers female but all of the conductors of the orchestras I was a member of male? Why are certain instruments considered "girly" when kids are given an opportunity to learn music? Why are so many composers hired for movie scores male?
This chauvinism obviously isn't just confined to the Vienna Philharmonic, but I'm not sure if a protest aimed singly at this organization is going to help much.
*Except for popular idols where their only marketable attribute is sex appeal and not the validity of their music.
Also posted on syaffolee.
Thursday, January 16, 2003
What is the world doing to us?
Jennifer Balderama wonders what she’s doing with her life. It seems to me that, like the rest of us, she’s living it – as best she can under the circumstances.
Unemployment is rampant. Gambling is out of control for too many people. We are very close to a global war. Violence against women and children is as widespread as ever. Global warming is affecting where certain crops and plants are able to grow. Education budgets are being decimated. “Sophisticated computers, robotics, telecommunications, and other cutting-edge technologies are fast replacing human beings in virtually every sector and industry - from manufacturing, retail, and financial services, to transportation, agriculture, and government.” (quoted from here)
I have a lot more to say here.
Unemployment is rampant. Gambling is out of control for too many people. We are very close to a global war. Violence against women and children is as widespread as ever. Global warming is affecting where certain crops and plants are able to grow. Education budgets are being decimated. “Sophisticated computers, robotics, telecommunications, and other cutting-edge technologies are fast replacing human beings in virtually every sector and industry - from manufacturing, retail, and financial services, to transportation, agriculture, and government.” (quoted from here)
I have a lot more to say here.
Has the US has gone Mad?
The Times Online Opinion section ran an interesting (if not possibly inflamatory article) written by the famed thriller writer, John Le Carre, yesterday which I'm sure, will run with a life of its own.
To quote the venerable author: "...The imminent war was planned years before bin Laden struck, but it was he who made it possible. Without bin Laden, the Bush junta would still be trying to explain such tricky matters as how it came to be elected in the first place..."
I was, however, more interested in what he had to say about Blair, and his part in all this, being a Brit. I also have to say that Le Carre's opinion is echoed by many of my friends and colleagues living back in the UK.
What are your thoughts?
The Times Online Opinion section ran an interesting (if not possibly inflamatory article) written by the famed thriller writer, John Le Carre, yesterday which I'm sure, will run with a life of its own.
To quote the venerable author: "...The imminent war was planned years before bin Laden struck, but it was he who made it possible. Without bin Laden, the Bush junta would still be trying to explain such tricky matters as how it came to be elected in the first place..."
I was, however, more interested in what he had to say about Blair, and his part in all this, being a Brit. I also have to say that Le Carre's opinion is echoed by many of my friends and colleagues living back in the UK.
What are your thoughts?
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Monday, January 13, 2003
What happens when an online friend dies or disappears
This post was triggered off by this blog - User Not Found set up to discuss how people deal with the death or disappearance of online friends. Many relationships formed online do develop into significant ones. In some cases, the two people have never met but cultivate a deeper friendship. This could be either through blogs, email or instant messengers and is particularly true for women who tend to share and bond much more easily. But what happens when the ‘real scenario’ catched up and one of the two either die or disappear?
A while ago, I read in a particular web log (I forget it’s name right now) about how the author was trying to track one of her favourite bloggers who had completely disappeared off the scene. This blogger had pulled down her blog and she no longer replied to her email. Her friend was naturally very worried and even posted a public appeal on her blog asking for help to trace her blog friend.
Has this ever happened with you? And how did you deal with it? Do you have a personal experience to share? I am researching the topic for an article and would love to hear from you. Please email me here or leave a comment in this space with your details and I’ll contact you.
A while ago, I read in a particular web log (I forget it’s name right now) about how the author was trying to track one of her favourite bloggers who had completely disappeared off the scene. This blogger had pulled down her blog and she no longer replied to her email. Her friend was naturally very worried and even posted a public appeal on her blog asking for help to trace her blog friend.
Has this ever happened with you? And how did you deal with it? Do you have a personal experience to share? I am researching the topic for an article and would love to hear from you. Please email me here or leave a comment in this space with your details and I’ll contact you.
Happy New Year!
I haven't posted in a while, but I hope everyone enjoys the new year all the way through. I found a good link on women journalists/weblogging sorta twist and thought to pass it on here. http://journalism.fas.nyu.edu/pubzone/ReadMe/ranieri.html
let me know what you think or find. This weblog is a wealth of content. Cheers!
let me know what you think or find. This weblog is a wealth of content. Cheers!
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Get Real
Sparked by a recent New York Times article, jf asked about reality television yesterday. I'll lay my cards on the table. I find these shows offensive, disgusting, irritating, silly and exploitative. Plus, I consider the matchmaking version (The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Joe Millionaire, Greedy Losers Connecting) to be sexist. (OK, I made that last title up.)
I don't watch them, have no respect for the "creators" of such "reality" programming, believe them to be more contrived than real (yeah sure, "true" reality takes place in front of a camera), have zero sympathy (or empathy) for the participants, and no patience for the fans of these programs. However, I have been amazed (as I commented to Elaine on her Phyllis Schafly post) to learn that people I know and respect are among the viewers.
I'm curious what the BlogSisters think...
I don't watch them, have no respect for the "creators" of such "reality" programming, believe them to be more contrived than real (yeah sure, "true" reality takes place in front of a camera), have zero sympathy (or empathy) for the participants, and no patience for the fans of these programs. However, I have been amazed (as I commented to Elaine on her Phyllis Schafly post) to learn that people I know and respect are among the viewers.
I'm curious what the BlogSisters think...
Sunday, January 05, 2003
And then there's Phyllis Schlafly
Phyllis Schlafly has written a another anti-feminist book. I can't believe that she's still at it.
I posted about it -- sort of -- here.
I posted about it -- sort of -- here.
Saturday, January 04, 2003
Better late than never (maybe)
As I've been cleaning out my family archives, I came upon a opinion column I had published in the local Hearst newspaper back in the early 70s. I wish I had found it earlier, when we were posting about feminism, because it shows that some of us have been saying the same thing for the past 30 years. I would have shared the text with Jeneane as she tried to start her (now defunct) "humans first" weblog. I would have posted it on my site in support of my argument with RageBoy. It's too late for all of that, but maybe not too late for the younger Blog Sisters to read as they try to understand why some of us are so discouraged by the rampant sexism in our society that's only gotten worse in some ways over the past 30 years.
Self-described in the newspaper as a "human being, a writer of poetry, a woman, a wife, a mother of two children, and a feminist, in varying order of importance," I wrote the following:
Contemporary women’s conversations and writings seem almost exclusively centered around the concerns of the feminist movement. As a contemporary woman, I share in these concerns and support the feminist goals of equality – including, however, the assumption that we must be equal and complementary rather than equal and the same.
Too many feminists have taken as their goal the replacement of what they view as a corrupt “male” power structure with a female power structure (which by its very nature cannot help but become equally corrupt). They seem to be encouraging us to prove that, as women, we can be as “rotten as any man.”
I am still hoping, however, that Women’s Liberation will return to its more positive goal of being Human Liberation. We must not forget that those traits – desire for power, insensitivity, hostility, destructiveness – are more accurately characteristics that cross sex lines. They are characteristics that are inhuman rather than human, tendencies that are undesirable and should be considered the enemy of all liberation-seeking people.
Phyllis Chesler in Women and Madness urges women to “seek power,” to do “whatever is necessary in order to survive.” Such rhetoric disturbs me because it advocates that women adopt the oppressive power tactics that we have been accusing men of using against us in order to gain for ourselves the power that (we believe) men have.
Obviously, the issue of our movement should not be the attainment of power, but rather the freeing of all people from the oppression of concentrated power.
I view our Women’s Movement as a force working to replace the historical power concepts of destruction, intimidation, and condescension with the more positive and humane concepts of compassion, sensitivity, the desire to nurture rather than own, to be straightforward instead of devious.
Instead of viewing our movement as a struggle between the sexes, I feel it is more constructive to accept it as a struggle between the humane beings and the inhumane beings.
Granted, some men have “Archie Bunker” views of women and will never change. But I believe that there are as many men who empathize with our frustrations, who perhaps also feel that they have not been allowed free choice in determining the course of their own lives.
Most men, I think, do not feel strongly either way about women fulfilling their needs and establishing their identities, even though they have been culturally conditioned to have attitudes toward us that we have grown to feel are demeaning. These attitudes can be changed, but we will not foster and encourage this change by using the old “power” tactics.
While sexism in the business world can and should be legislated against, you can’t beat prejudice out of a bigot, and you can’t intimidate away bad habits. Every good teacher knows that important lessons, especially “moral” ones are learned slowly and must be taught with patience and example. You teach “humaneness” by being humane; you teach “fairness” and “respect” by demonstrating these qualities.
But we must remember that attitudes change slowly and that if we are hostile toward men, they will return our hostility; that if we use power tactics against them, we are only proving (falsely) that these tactics are acceptable.
It is time not only for new structure, but for new methods as well.
Phyllis Chesler's new book, Woman's Inhumanity To Woman makes me confront how unsuccessful we have seem to have been in attaining a more humane society.
Self-described in the newspaper as a "human being, a writer of poetry, a woman, a wife, a mother of two children, and a feminist, in varying order of importance," I wrote the following:
Contemporary women’s conversations and writings seem almost exclusively centered around the concerns of the feminist movement. As a contemporary woman, I share in these concerns and support the feminist goals of equality – including, however, the assumption that we must be equal and complementary rather than equal and the same.
Too many feminists have taken as their goal the replacement of what they view as a corrupt “male” power structure with a female power structure (which by its very nature cannot help but become equally corrupt). They seem to be encouraging us to prove that, as women, we can be as “rotten as any man.”
I am still hoping, however, that Women’s Liberation will return to its more positive goal of being Human Liberation. We must not forget that those traits – desire for power, insensitivity, hostility, destructiveness – are more accurately characteristics that cross sex lines. They are characteristics that are inhuman rather than human, tendencies that are undesirable and should be considered the enemy of all liberation-seeking people.
Phyllis Chesler in Women and Madness urges women to “seek power,” to do “whatever is necessary in order to survive.” Such rhetoric disturbs me because it advocates that women adopt the oppressive power tactics that we have been accusing men of using against us in order to gain for ourselves the power that (we believe) men have.
Obviously, the issue of our movement should not be the attainment of power, but rather the freeing of all people from the oppression of concentrated power.
I view our Women’s Movement as a force working to replace the historical power concepts of destruction, intimidation, and condescension with the more positive and humane concepts of compassion, sensitivity, the desire to nurture rather than own, to be straightforward instead of devious.
Instead of viewing our movement as a struggle between the sexes, I feel it is more constructive to accept it as a struggle between the humane beings and the inhumane beings.
Granted, some men have “Archie Bunker” views of women and will never change. But I believe that there are as many men who empathize with our frustrations, who perhaps also feel that they have not been allowed free choice in determining the course of their own lives.
Most men, I think, do not feel strongly either way about women fulfilling their needs and establishing their identities, even though they have been culturally conditioned to have attitudes toward us that we have grown to feel are demeaning. These attitudes can be changed, but we will not foster and encourage this change by using the old “power” tactics.
While sexism in the business world can and should be legislated against, you can’t beat prejudice out of a bigot, and you can’t intimidate away bad habits. Every good teacher knows that important lessons, especially “moral” ones are learned slowly and must be taught with patience and example. You teach “humaneness” by being humane; you teach “fairness” and “respect” by demonstrating these qualities.
But we must remember that attitudes change slowly and that if we are hostile toward men, they will return our hostility; that if we use power tactics against them, we are only proving (falsely) that these tactics are acceptable.
It is time not only for new structure, but for new methods as well.
Phyllis Chesler's new book, Woman's Inhumanity To Woman makes me confront how unsuccessful we have seem to have been in attaining a more humane society.
Thursday, January 02, 2003
Happy New Year!!!
happy new year to all blogsisters, their friends and families!!
i hope this year brings you everything you dream of and more!!!
i hope this year brings you everything you dream of and more!!!
Monday, December 30, 2002
What is it about some men?
Last night I had a complex, cinematographic, technicolor dream that climaxed (heh) with an encounter between me and the man who had been the lust of my life. Since moving past menopause, I haven’t had much of a libido, even in my dreams – which is fine with me, since just about all of my past relationships with men have been driven by that fearsome fire. My absent libido has freed me from the need to pursue seductive satisfaction at the expense of deeper and more meaningful human activities.
But there he was in my dreams, as magnetically attractive as ever. Of course, I wasn’t the only woman who felt that way about him, and neither was I the only woman to whom he responded with such enthusiastic sensuality. Our relationship (such that it was) lasted almost three years. Having been married and divorced twice, he wasn’t about to enter into any contract. And I’m not really the long-term-commitment type either, so we were able to enjoy our adventures together, including a trip to London and Paris in April.
It’s been almost a decade since our amorous adventures, and I’m wondering why I dreamed of him now, in such tactile detail. I even felt the bed move as he got up to leave in the dream. Something must have triggered the connection – a certain sound or smell seeping into my sleeping brain. I remember the end of a poem I wrote near the end of our relationship. The poem ended with
But even in the darkest of corners
some things refuse to die –
some small husk still
riddled with seeds,
some insistent root
defying the dust,
some dormant dream
of a riotous clash of hearts,
curious clutch of minds,
a dance of hands that
hope and hold and, too soon,
let go.
She thought she was done with him,
except his voice
still pulls at her belly
like the insistent tides of the moon.
So when he calls
from places lush
with a thousand thriving things,
she sends him dewy lavender
wrapped in familiar black lace,
because, they say,
the sense of smell
is the most visceral,
holding even the darkening
memory of the dying.
It makes me wonder what it is with some men that, even when they’re long gone, there is something they leave behind to make you remember. Maybe some microscopic bit of pheromone that keeps washing around in those streams of our brain chemistries. Whatever it is, he’s one of those men. I wonder what (or who) he’s up to these days.
But there he was in my dreams, as magnetically attractive as ever. Of course, I wasn’t the only woman who felt that way about him, and neither was I the only woman to whom he responded with such enthusiastic sensuality. Our relationship (such that it was) lasted almost three years. Having been married and divorced twice, he wasn’t about to enter into any contract. And I’m not really the long-term-commitment type either, so we were able to enjoy our adventures together, including a trip to London and Paris in April.
It’s been almost a decade since our amorous adventures, and I’m wondering why I dreamed of him now, in such tactile detail. I even felt the bed move as he got up to leave in the dream. Something must have triggered the connection – a certain sound or smell seeping into my sleeping brain. I remember the end of a poem I wrote near the end of our relationship. The poem ended with
But even in the darkest of corners
some things refuse to die –
some small husk still
riddled with seeds,
some insistent root
defying the dust,
some dormant dream
of a riotous clash of hearts,
curious clutch of minds,
a dance of hands that
hope and hold and, too soon,
let go.
She thought she was done with him,
except his voice
still pulls at her belly
like the insistent tides of the moon.
So when he calls
from places lush
with a thousand thriving things,
she sends him dewy lavender
wrapped in familiar black lace,
because, they say,
the sense of smell
is the most visceral,
holding even the darkening
memory of the dying.
It makes me wonder what it is with some men that, even when they’re long gone, there is something they leave behind to make you remember. Maybe some microscopic bit of pheromone that keeps washing around in those streams of our brain chemistries. Whatever it is, he’s one of those men. I wonder what (or who) he’s up to these days.
Sunday, December 29, 2002
The Voice of Eva Cassidy
My 5-month old grandson is teething. The one thing that seems to take his little mind off his big problem is the voice of Eva Cassidy, and so that's how I just discovered her. I've posted a little about her here, and you can listen to some of her songs here. She's worth taking the time to check out. (It's possible that I'm just one of the very few people who hadn't discovered her until now; but I'm so awfully glad I did!)
Friday, December 27, 2002
The separation of art and state, courtesy of poet Adrienne Rich
I was surfing up poetry tonight, remembering old friends--not friends whom I knew, but friends whose poetry wrapped around me as a teenager, helped me stand on weak legs, helped me feel my feelings without declaring myself completely insane. One of those was Adrienne Rich. I came upon this site, and noted the following letter, written by Ms. Rich to President Clinton's White House at her refusal to accept the National Medal for the Arts in 1997:
---------------------------------------
July 3, 1997
Jane Alexander
The National Endowment for the Arts, 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington 20506
Dear Jane Alexander,
I just spoke with a young man from your office, who informed me that I had been chosen to be one of twelve recipients of the National Medal for the Arts at a ceremony at the White House in the fall. I told him at once that I could not accept such an award from President Clinton or this White House because the very meaning of art, as I understand it, is incompatible with the cynical politics of this administration. I want to clarify to you what I meant by my refusal.
Anyone familiar with my work from the early Sixties on knows that I believe in art's social presence--as breaker of official silences, as voice for those whose voices are disregarded, and as a human birthright. In my lifetime I have seen the space for the arts opened by movements for social justice, the power of art to break despair. Over the past two decades I have witnessed the increasingly brutal impact of racial and economic injustice in our country.
There is no simple formula for the relationship of art to justice. But I do know that art--in my own case the art of poetry--means nothing if it simply decorates the dinner table of power which holds it hostage. The radical disparities of wealth and power in America are widening at a devastating rate. A President cannot meaningfully honor certain token artists while the people at large are so dishonored. I know you have been engaged in a serious and disheartening struggle to save government funding for the arts, against those whose fear and suspicion of art is nakedly repressive. In the end, I don't think we can separate art from overall human dignity and hope. My concern for my country is inextricable from my concerns as an artist. I could not participate in a ritual which would feel so hypocritical to me.
Sincerely,
Adrienne Rich
cc: President Clinton
-------------------
I admire her decision and her reasoning as much as I have always admired her poetry. I didn't hear about this at the time, probably because I was finishing up a complicated pregnancy, but I'm glad I found it tonight. Thought it might be of interest.
---------------------------------------
July 3, 1997
Jane Alexander
The National Endowment for the Arts, 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington 20506
Dear Jane Alexander,
I just spoke with a young man from your office, who informed me that I had been chosen to be one of twelve recipients of the National Medal for the Arts at a ceremony at the White House in the fall. I told him at once that I could not accept such an award from President Clinton or this White House because the very meaning of art, as I understand it, is incompatible with the cynical politics of this administration. I want to clarify to you what I meant by my refusal.
Anyone familiar with my work from the early Sixties on knows that I believe in art's social presence--as breaker of official silences, as voice for those whose voices are disregarded, and as a human birthright. In my lifetime I have seen the space for the arts opened by movements for social justice, the power of art to break despair. Over the past two decades I have witnessed the increasingly brutal impact of racial and economic injustice in our country.
There is no simple formula for the relationship of art to justice. But I do know that art--in my own case the art of poetry--means nothing if it simply decorates the dinner table of power which holds it hostage. The radical disparities of wealth and power in America are widening at a devastating rate. A President cannot meaningfully honor certain token artists while the people at large are so dishonored. I know you have been engaged in a serious and disheartening struggle to save government funding for the arts, against those whose fear and suspicion of art is nakedly repressive. In the end, I don't think we can separate art from overall human dignity and hope. My concern for my country is inextricable from my concerns as an artist. I could not participate in a ritual which would feel so hypocritical to me.
Sincerely,
Adrienne Rich
cc: President Clinton
-------------------
I admire her decision and her reasoning as much as I have always admired her poetry. I didn't hear about this at the time, probably because I was finishing up a complicated pregnancy, but I'm glad I found it tonight. Thought it might be of interest.
Thursday, December 26, 2002
Words of Peace
A collective goal. It's time for a different set of solutions. this is an excellent article in the eugene (ore.) weekly, our free progressive newspaper, by ryan admunson. his brother was lost in the attack on the pentagon on september 11th. he is a member of peaceful tomorrows, a group of family members of september 11th victims who oppose war, he participated in the march from d.c. to ny with other family members of victims under the banner "our grief is not a cry for war," and has participated in peace protests and peace conferences across the country.
some quotes from the article:
some quotes from the article:
"A Catholic priest in Pakistan said that using the military to catch terrorists is like swatting flies with a sledge hammer: You create a lot of destruction, but the flies are still around."
.
"We can catch, we can kill terrorists all day, but it is not going to prevent more terrorists from being created, and actually it has created more terrorists."
"...I feel I have to speak out is because our grief has been used by our political leaders and others who only believe in the route of violence and war. They have used our grief to promote their cause."
"At the one-month memorial ceremony, there was no focus on the victims. Instead, Bush and Rumsfeld and others talked about extending accountability to others, and I am thinking that they are talking about killing people just like my brother. They are talking about extending it to other innocent people, to nations and the people who live in those nations. "
"So we are not united in war. We are united in memory, in our grief, and in a commitment to end terrorism."
"I knew that the people who killed my brother believed what they were doing was justified. But we know they were wrong, and I realized that we can make the same mistake too. So when my government starts discussing killing other people, I take that very, very seriously."
Monday, December 23, 2002
Three Cool Chicks
Time Magazine has named its Persons of the Year. They are Cynthia Cooper of Worldcom (who still works there), Coleen Rowley from the FBI (I think she still works for them too) and Sherron Watkins of Enron (who's currently writing a book). In what I thought was an "about time" twist, they're not referred to as women at all on Time's cover ('cause you know, that's obvious), but as whistleblowers: "They took huge professional and personal risks to blow the whistle on what went wrong at WorldCom, Enron and the FBI—and in so doing helped remind us what American courage and American values are all about." Of course, their courage hasn't really changed anything, it's not like we have sweeping reforms going on to prevent further corporate misdeeds or consolidate information among federal agencies. (In fact, the new Department of Homeland Security pretty much does the opposite.) But one can't expect these things to occur overnight, and I think it's encouraging that these women are being recognized (rather than vilified) for doing what they could.
Saturday, December 21, 2002
The new holiday family
I know that there are many other divorced parents who are juggling the holidays so that both sides of the family get to see the kids. It's been like that every Christmas for me since the mid-seventies. Over the past few years, I've invited my kids' father to join us for Christmas Eve, but he's always refused. He refused this year, too, but now there's a grandchild involved, and I guess everyone's feeling another tie that binds. So, on the day after Christmas, we're going to gather in my mother's very large apartment. In addition to my daughter, son--in-law, and grandchild -- and me and my mother -- there will be my ex-husband, his female cousin (who is like a sister to him and with whom I've always gotten along), his former girl-friend-who-is-now-just-his-friend (after more years than he and I were married), and her mother (who's my mother's age). Aside from my mom, me, and his grandfather, no one has met little Alexander yet.
Actually, my ex's former girl friend is a very nice person. She's younger than I, slimmer, and wears Laura Ashley clothes. But she's always been good to my kids, and I have nothing against her. I'm actually looking forward to the gathering, as we all oohh and ahh over the new addition. Such is the new holiday family.
Actually, my ex's former girl friend is a very nice person. She's younger than I, slimmer, and wears Laura Ashley clothes. But she's always been good to my kids, and I have nothing against her. I'm actually looking forward to the gathering, as we all oohh and ahh over the new addition. Such is the new holiday family.
Thursday, December 19, 2002
Dervala in Phnom Penh
If you're not reading Dervala's blogging of her trip to Asia, you should. It is wonderful for so many reasons. She writes recently of an experience walking down the street in Phnom Penh and having her breast grabbed.
"I've dealt with these kinds of minor assaults many times," she writes. "So have most women I know. I've been groped on the New York subway and on an Aer Lingus flight. I've been flashed at, heard lewd insults, endured unwelcome, lingering hugs. But despite all this experience, I can never get it together to shout, kick, slap, or ridicule. My first reaction is still always disbelief, followed by disabling politeness. By then it's usually (and thankfully) too late."
Dorothea wrote about verbal badgering in her Grunchy Stuff posts a while back.
Dervala's experience involved someone actually grabbing her--a physical violation rather than words and whistles. Still, Dervala's initial reaction is similar to many who have written on this--deciding to hurry along on our way, make it to the next place that's "away" from scene of the crime, a reaction of fear, disbelief, and/or embarassment.
What casts us into this role of runner/avoider in the ultra-second of an event like this? Certainly Dervala was no match for two locals. So high-tailing it away in case they decided to return was a smart move.
I like Dervala's vow to do things differently next time, though. To use her new-found arm cast from her broken wrist to knock the next guy who tries it in the teeth. I just hope she's a good aim and a quick runner the first time she gives it a try. You go, girl.
"I've dealt with these kinds of minor assaults many times," she writes. "So have most women I know. I've been groped on the New York subway and on an Aer Lingus flight. I've been flashed at, heard lewd insults, endured unwelcome, lingering hugs. But despite all this experience, I can never get it together to shout, kick, slap, or ridicule. My first reaction is still always disbelief, followed by disabling politeness. By then it's usually (and thankfully) too late."
Dorothea wrote about verbal badgering in her Grunchy Stuff posts a while back.
Dervala's experience involved someone actually grabbing her--a physical violation rather than words and whistles. Still, Dervala's initial reaction is similar to many who have written on this--deciding to hurry along on our way, make it to the next place that's "away" from scene of the crime, a reaction of fear, disbelief, and/or embarassment.
What casts us into this role of runner/avoider in the ultra-second of an event like this? Certainly Dervala was no match for two locals. So high-tailing it away in case they decided to return was a smart move.
I like Dervala's vow to do things differently next time, though. To use her new-found arm cast from her broken wrist to knock the next guy who tries it in the teeth. I just hope she's a good aim and a quick runner the first time she gives it a try. You go, girl.
Since we're on the topic
I've always admired families that adopt children. Giving a home to a child who doesn't have one seems to me one of the noblest and selfless things anyone could do. I looked into adoption briefly (mostly over the net) after Jenna was born--my harrowing near-death experience made me pretty sure I didn't want to risk having another baby. The more I looked the more I found one thing--It's expensive. Does anyone know any good adoption resources? Any adoption sources where the process doesn't cost $20K? It seems like many couples lean toward international adotpions. I'm not sure as to the whys and wherefores of this. Whether it's more expensive or less, more complicated or less. In our case, obviously, race isn't an issue, background isn't an issue.
Can't believe I'm writing this outloud: I think I want a baby.
Can't believe I'm writing this outloud: I think I want a baby.
Jennifer Balderama Digs into the Legal Ramifications of Blogging
In a new article for the Washington Post, blog sister and weblogger extraordinaire Jennifer Balderama reports on the legal whatnots of blogging--an important article especially if you work for a company that might get queasy about what's written on your blog. What are the rules? Are we writing them as we go? Do we need disclaimers on our blogs? Something tells me a great number of pages could be covered discussing this topic. An interesting link off the article is Groove Networks weblog policy.
Good food for thought in a well-written article. Way to go Jennifer!
Good food for thought in a well-written article. Way to go Jennifer!
Sunday, December 15, 2002
The Neckar
This is the ship that my grandmother came to America in. The ship left from Naples in 1907, with my great grandmother Vincenza, 39, my grandmother (just a year old) Carmella, and a son Francesco (5 years old) on board. Now for the rest of the story: My great grandmother had been in America, living in Pennsylvania, when her homesickness got so bad--she missed her own mother back in Sicily so terribly--that her husband said, go then. Go visit your mother in Sicily. Did I mention she was pregnant for that journey back to Sicily? Yep. And do you think she had to take the kids with her? Of course.
So Vincenza took her two sons, then 2 and 5 years old, pregnant, by herself, and made the journey back to Sicily to see her mother. While Vincenza was there, the older boy became gravely ill and died. Two weeks after his death, my grandmother Carmella was born.
When my grandmother was a year old, Vincenza took her now-five-year-old son and her one-year-old daughter, boarded The Neckar, and journeyed back to America.
Just to recap, this woman--my great grandmother--had taken the arduous journey from Sicily to America to make a new life, had two children, travelled back to Sicily to see her mother, lost a son, given birth to a daughter, and journeyed back from Italy to America again with two children, in just a matter of years.
So what I'm trying to say is, no *wonder* I've had terrible cases of homesickness my whole life. I think it's in my genes! No, I'm kidding. What I'm really saying is how brave those early immigrants were. Especially the women.
Friday, December 13, 2002
lotts true colors
well, we've been watching it all week...
the washingnton post reported on it first, and common dreams got it over the weekend, where i got it from.. but as jill matrix reported, we queers already knew this guy was hateful...
now everyone knows it it. even the bbc is reporting it,time reports on lott's racist college days, cnn reports that in 81 lott supported tax breaks for a racist school, salon reports on lott's 4th apology (and if you have premium you can also read 'the real trent lott' and 'the ugly truth about republican racial politics'), found through the village voice: jesse helms defens lott (not surprised at that one), and finally, even after w. bush calls lott's remarks offensive, he refuses to resign!
the washingnton post reported on it first, and common dreams got it over the weekend, where i got it from.. but as jill matrix reported, we queers already knew this guy was hateful...
now everyone knows it it. even the bbc is reporting it,time reports on lott's racist college days, cnn reports that in 81 lott supported tax breaks for a racist school, salon reports on lott's 4th apology (and if you have premium you can also read 'the real trent lott' and 'the ugly truth about republican racial politics'), found through the village voice: jesse helms defens lott (not surprised at that one), and finally, even after w. bush calls lott's remarks offensive, he refuses to resign!
Thursday, December 12, 2002
money could be spent better...
cnn reported about 'cyberbegging' today. i became aware of this a few weeks ago when i read on someone's blog about savekaryn.com, a woman who asked for help paying off her credit card debt.
the other day i read an article reporting on famine in ethiopia. i can't find the article now, but i did find this, from a month ago: ethiopia: the warning signs of famine. this article and the article i read a few days ago both say that the famine facing ethiopia is potentially worse than the one back in the 80's. millions of people will die.
the tie in between the two subjects. i find it terribly selfish of people like karyn to ask for money to pay off credit card bills when the money that people donated to her could have been donated to charities that would help out ethiopia, or another charity. if people like karyn have the money to have a computer and own a domain name then they obviously don't need the help of strangers. karyn could have sold her computer if she were so worried about being in debt, she could have taken on another job, she could have done a lot of things besides beg for money, money that could be used for causes like the starving people of eithopia. the $13,000 that she raised could have done a lot to help out some people in eithopia.
it just leaves me frustrated. we are so blessed here in the west to have all that we have. i get quite humbled when i read stories like i read about ethiopia. i get quite humbled when my mother and stepfather send me their journals from what life is like living there (my stepfather is working with the government to help revamp their accounting system). sometimes i get embarrased at how much i have. actually, more than sometimes. stories like ethiopia, stories like the mother living on welfare in my building, stories like the families that i work with at our local relief nursery they all make me incredibly aware that i'm lucky to have a middle class family to fall back on if i need too. i won't ever starve, or be homeless.
cyberbegging. it just seems to me that people don't see what they have, they just see what they want.. and i know that not all 'cyberbegging' is like that of savekaryn.. but so many.. well.. i just see it as being selfish.. i see no awarness of what life could be like if they lived like the vast majority of the world population. and maybe i'm just a big ol' idealist, but i think its wrong to be that self involved.
the other day i read an article reporting on famine in ethiopia. i can't find the article now, but i did find this, from a month ago: ethiopia: the warning signs of famine. this article and the article i read a few days ago both say that the famine facing ethiopia is potentially worse than the one back in the 80's. millions of people will die.
the tie in between the two subjects. i find it terribly selfish of people like karyn to ask for money to pay off credit card bills when the money that people donated to her could have been donated to charities that would help out ethiopia, or another charity. if people like karyn have the money to have a computer and own a domain name then they obviously don't need the help of strangers. karyn could have sold her computer if she were so worried about being in debt, she could have taken on another job, she could have done a lot of things besides beg for money, money that could be used for causes like the starving people of eithopia. the $13,000 that she raised could have done a lot to help out some people in eithopia.
it just leaves me frustrated. we are so blessed here in the west to have all that we have. i get quite humbled when i read stories like i read about ethiopia. i get quite humbled when my mother and stepfather send me their journals from what life is like living there (my stepfather is working with the government to help revamp their accounting system). sometimes i get embarrased at how much i have. actually, more than sometimes. stories like ethiopia, stories like the mother living on welfare in my building, stories like the families that i work with at our local relief nursery they all make me incredibly aware that i'm lucky to have a middle class family to fall back on if i need too. i won't ever starve, or be homeless.
cyberbegging. it just seems to me that people don't see what they have, they just see what they want.. and i know that not all 'cyberbegging' is like that of savekaryn.. but so many.. well.. i just see it as being selfish.. i see no awarness of what life could be like if they lived like the vast majority of the world population. and maybe i'm just a big ol' idealist, but i think its wrong to be that self involved.
Sunday, December 08, 2002
The Problem with Girlism
I'm still playing catch-up on all the various femblogs (in the sense of both "blogs by women" and "blogs by feminists") coming on the heels of Halley Suitt's comments about "girlism" reproed earlier here on Blogsisters. So maybe it's too early for me to jump into the deep end of this, but I'll skim my rock across the surface anyway. Please bear in mind, none of this is designed to constitute any attack on anyone's opinions, particularly Halley's. Just because we disagree doesn't make one of us good and the other evil, it just means we, you know, disagree.
I think my particular warning bells came at reading Halley's opinion that, in order to achieve power in the workplace "...women want to be sexy girls and use all the tricks girls use..." First off, of course, there's always a danger in making broad generalizations, particularly generalizations of broads. Even by broads. Just because we share a double-x chromosome doesn't make our desires monolithic, even as it doesn't make our interests monolithic. (I've had to deal with this a lot in Friends of Lulu, explaining to folks that the goal of targeting comic books to women is tricky because women are no more a monolithic reading group than men are. So one can get oneself in a good deal of hot water by starting from a view of "women want..." (as we all remember from when that wacky Siggy Freud did it).
So following up on that, I confess I don't "want to be [a] sexy girl..." in large measure because I cannot be. I've never had that choice. I don't know what Halley looks like, but I imagine from her "it's just so easy if we do it this way" attitude she's probably young and vivacious and thin. She probably falls into the mold of what's acceptable in the default (i.e., male-opinion-dominated) society as "sexy." I don't, I never have, and I never will. I'm fat, I have thinning hair, I wear glasses, I'm loud-mouthed, I've got this Jewish honker... none of these things are ugly to me, but they don't scream "sexy" to most men in our society. Besides, the entire rule of judging a woman's worth primarily by her outward appearance seems to me a male thing - and when guys set the rules, they're in charge of the game, and there's no way a woman can "win" by playing a game she doesn't control.
I understand the concept of sex as power - at least I'm trying to. As I say, it's a game that Mom Nature never qualified me to play. But if sexual power is only identified with and discussed in terms of one gender, to my mind it isn't really power at all. It's pretend, it's dress-up, it's playing into the whole battle-of-the-sexes crap that perpetuates and traps people in gender stereotypes to begin with. It's like looking at a badgirl comic - "hey, guys, she may be 'powerful' wink wink but she prances about practically naked, that means she's really only kicking butt to give you a show and turn you on... hey look, a boob-and-crotch shot!" Oh, and you women who don't have the physical assets to allow yourself to be identified primarily through sex? Sorry, since nobody but obviously abnormal people wants to ogle you like an object (and therefore somehow bestow power on you through their benificent male gaze), you don't get to have power. But hey, you get to be angry about that and perpetuate the stereotype of ugly man-hating feminists and that'll do just fine because it helps marginalize feminism into irrelevancy and we still win!
I'm not good at games, whether they're power games or sexual games or whatever. I never dated normally, singles bars and personal ads and the like; both my ex (with whom I'm still friendly) and my current husband are guys I came to know through long-distance courting before I ever met either of them, and those courtships came about on mutual terms (the first through a zine I was self-publishing, and my current husband through Usenet). Even online, even in chatrooms, I've never done personas or fake handles. I'm capable of it, I used to write wacky articles and fictional bits in my zine under pen names, but I never saw the point of subterfuge when dealing with other people. This sort of stubborn honesty means I'll never get ahead in any realm which requires a particular talent for playing social games, but again, I knew that years ago and made my choice in favor of being a real person, with all the complexities that entails. And anyway, I prefer to believe that saying things like "my sexuality doesn't define me and is, by the way, none of your business" is far more subversive than trying to redefine feminism or girlism in the same sort of terms once used by the civil rights leader who opined that "the best position for women in the movement was prone."
I think my particular warning bells came at reading Halley's opinion that, in order to achieve power in the workplace "...women want to be sexy girls and use all the tricks girls use..." First off, of course, there's always a danger in making broad generalizations, particularly generalizations of broads. Even by broads. Just because we share a double-x chromosome doesn't make our desires monolithic, even as it doesn't make our interests monolithic. (I've had to deal with this a lot in Friends of Lulu, explaining to folks that the goal of targeting comic books to women is tricky because women are no more a monolithic reading group than men are. So one can get oneself in a good deal of hot water by starting from a view of "women want..." (as we all remember from when that wacky Siggy Freud did it).
So following up on that, I confess I don't "want to be [a] sexy girl..." in large measure because I cannot be. I've never had that choice. I don't know what Halley looks like, but I imagine from her "it's just so easy if we do it this way" attitude she's probably young and vivacious and thin. She probably falls into the mold of what's acceptable in the default (i.e., male-opinion-dominated) society as "sexy." I don't, I never have, and I never will. I'm fat, I have thinning hair, I wear glasses, I'm loud-mouthed, I've got this Jewish honker... none of these things are ugly to me, but they don't scream "sexy" to most men in our society. Besides, the entire rule of judging a woman's worth primarily by her outward appearance seems to me a male thing - and when guys set the rules, they're in charge of the game, and there's no way a woman can "win" by playing a game she doesn't control.
I understand the concept of sex as power - at least I'm trying to. As I say, it's a game that Mom Nature never qualified me to play. But if sexual power is only identified with and discussed in terms of one gender, to my mind it isn't really power at all. It's pretend, it's dress-up, it's playing into the whole battle-of-the-sexes crap that perpetuates and traps people in gender stereotypes to begin with. It's like looking at a badgirl comic - "hey, guys, she may be 'powerful' wink wink but she prances about practically naked, that means she's really only kicking butt to give you a show and turn you on... hey look, a boob-and-crotch shot!" Oh, and you women who don't have the physical assets to allow yourself to be identified primarily through sex? Sorry, since nobody but obviously abnormal people wants to ogle you like an object (and therefore somehow bestow power on you through their benificent male gaze), you don't get to have power. But hey, you get to be angry about that and perpetuate the stereotype of ugly man-hating feminists and that'll do just fine because it helps marginalize feminism into irrelevancy and we still win!
I'm not good at games, whether they're power games or sexual games or whatever. I never dated normally, singles bars and personal ads and the like; both my ex (with whom I'm still friendly) and my current husband are guys I came to know through long-distance courting before I ever met either of them, and those courtships came about on mutual terms (the first through a zine I was self-publishing, and my current husband through Usenet). Even online, even in chatrooms, I've never done personas or fake handles. I'm capable of it, I used to write wacky articles and fictional bits in my zine under pen names, but I never saw the point of subterfuge when dealing with other people. This sort of stubborn honesty means I'll never get ahead in any realm which requires a particular talent for playing social games, but again, I knew that years ago and made my choice in favor of being a real person, with all the complexities that entails. And anyway, I prefer to believe that saying things like "my sexuality doesn't define me and is, by the way, none of your business" is far more subversive than trying to redefine feminism or girlism in the same sort of terms once used by the civil rights leader who opined that "the best position for women in the movement was prone."
Saturday, December 07, 2002
Seems like a good time
We've had quite a few number of new Blog Sisters join us here over the last couple of weeks, and the discussions that have sparked lately have been fantastic. The velocity and quality of conversation has been downright exciting. To me at least.
It seems like a good time for me to mention, since there are many new faces here, that I'm working on a book about our experiences here. If you haven't participated and you'd like to, use the survey form to spark some ideas about your thoughts on women and weblogging and you and weblogging and you and your offline life and you and blog sisters and whatever else you feel is important resulting from your experiences writing online. Look forward to hearing from you!
It seems like a good time for me to mention, since there are many new faces here, that I'm working on a book about our experiences here. If you haven't participated and you'd like to, use the survey form to spark some ideas about your thoughts on women and weblogging and you and weblogging and you and your offline life and you and blog sisters and whatever else you feel is important resulting from your experiences writing online. Look forward to hearing from you!
Friday, December 06, 2002
Proposed Department of Peace
Have you heard about the Congressional legislation to establish a U.S. Department of Peace? According to its sponsor, Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich,
Domestically, the Department of Peace would address violence in the home, spousal abuse, child abuse, gangs, police-community relations conflicts and work with individuals and groups to achieve changes in attitudes that examine the mythologies of cherished world views, such as 'violence is inevitable' or 'war is inevitable'. Thus it will help with the discovery of new selves and new paths toward peaceful consensus.
Find out more here.
Domestically, the Department of Peace would address violence in the home, spousal abuse, child abuse, gangs, police-community relations conflicts and work with individuals and groups to achieve changes in attitudes that examine the mythologies of cherished world views, such as 'violence is inevitable' or 'war is inevitable'. Thus it will help with the discovery of new selves and new paths toward peaceful consensus.
Find out more here.
An Embarrassment of Riches
First entry here; howdy all! Wanted to give a short plug to my blog, particularly entries here, here and today, where I talk about fellow female (can one be called a "fellow female?") bloggers, finding Ms. Musings and Blogsisters, etc. Also a short plug for all you folks who read (and create!) comic books, for Friends of Lulu and Sequential Tart. Been involved in FoL for about a half dozen years now, and currently maintain their Women Doing Comics listing, among other resource pages. (So if you're a woman doing comics and you're not on the list, please e-mail me and I'll remedy that forthwith! Dang, I love words like "forthwith.") And the Tarts have a wonderful monthly e-magazine about comics, as well as a kicking message board! Looking forward to participating more as I catch up and read some past entries; as I said in my latest blog entry, I have a lot of catching up to do!
Wednesday, December 04, 2002
Are Fat Suits the New Blackface?
Weight is not strictly a feminist issue, but it seems to resonate especially with women, who perhaps are held to a more unrealistic standard than are men. Gwyneth Paltrow caught heat for wearing a fat-suit in "Shallow Hal" for various reasons, among them -- as explained in Bitch Magazine -- that fat suits are the modern equivalent of blackface. But Anita Roddick (full disclosure -- she's my boss and a fellow Blog Sister), went undercover in remarkably convincing facial makeup and a fat suit last week in Discovery TV UK's documentary "Skin Deep" in order to see what it is like to be fat in London in 2002 . She was stared at, couldn't find clothes, all predictable troubles. But she got in some trouble for what she wrote about the experience. The readers of BigFatBlog aired their beefs with her, and she responded. I'm curious where the Sisters fall on this one.
Here's a Good one.
I found another girl power story that, deals with the back lash of eservice growth. Just to be supportive of not only women in technology but women with talent!! Anyway I thought I would post this to keep the pot spicy.Success story
Dream Interpretation?
ARRRGH! It seems like the blog world is full of discord. I don't have the time or energy to deal with it and read all these hypersensitive posts and comments, even though they are important and worthy of discussion. I like that blogs attack the big social and political issues, but sometimes I just need to get off all the soapboxes.
Instead I am thinking about my dreams. On Sunday night, I came down with a virus. It hit me while I was sleeping and did strange things to my dreams. Whenever I'm sick I always have particularly vivid, compelling dreams. This one I call "Priestess of the Orphaned Dead."
I kept finding corpses. Abandoned ones with no friends or family to give them a proper burial. At first I was repulsed, but found myself taking them in, washing them and preserving them, wrapping them up in ragged yellow shrouds and sewing them inside. I placed a pinhole in their eyes through their eyelids so they could see. Then I suspended them all in a hole in the ground, coming back to check on them and care for them occasionally. In the waking world, it was a gruesome dream, but inside my dream I started to genuinely care for my job. It wasn't so bad after the first few times, and I realized that these dead people were grateful to me for the sensitivity I showed in caring for their bodies; they wanted to be acknowledged and remembered, and I was the only one who could do this for them. The dream felt ritualistic-- dark, and perhaps grim, but not taboo or evil. I've been thinking about it all week.
Instead I am thinking about my dreams. On Sunday night, I came down with a virus. It hit me while I was sleeping and did strange things to my dreams. Whenever I'm sick I always have particularly vivid, compelling dreams. This one I call "Priestess of the Orphaned Dead."
I kept finding corpses. Abandoned ones with no friends or family to give them a proper burial. At first I was repulsed, but found myself taking them in, washing them and preserving them, wrapping them up in ragged yellow shrouds and sewing them inside. I placed a pinhole in their eyes through their eyelids so they could see. Then I suspended them all in a hole in the ground, coming back to check on them and care for them occasionally. In the waking world, it was a gruesome dream, but inside my dream I started to genuinely care for my job. It wasn't so bad after the first few times, and I realized that these dead people were grateful to me for the sensitivity I showed in caring for their bodies; they wanted to be acknowledged and remembered, and I was the only one who could do this for them. The dream felt ritualistic-- dark, and perhaps grim, but not taboo or evil. I've been thinking about it all week.
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
So, just wait until your kids grow up
When your kids are little, you worry about them falling, running into the street, getting kidnapped. Then you worry when they don't come home on time from school or a date. Then you worry when they go to college and forget to check in with you. And, you figure when they grow up and move away, you don't have to worry about them so much, right? Heh.
I have a liberal/activist articulate blogger son who is now getting threatening phone calls because of something he wrote on his weblog. I posted about it all here. What a world!
I have a liberal/activist articulate blogger son who is now getting threatening phone calls because of something he wrote on his weblog. I posted about it all here. What a world!
Monday, December 02, 2002
Living Erotically
I like this Audre Lorde quote from Deborah Gussman's post: "For once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and our life-pursuits that they feel in accordance with that joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. " I think the forces that converged to catalyze my recent reading of The Ethical Slut and adherence to The Artist's Way have spawned a burning desire for authenticity like Lorde describes above. I find my highly-stressful, well-paying day job increasingly numbing and unfulfilling, and I'm actually feeling like I'm actually going to do something about it. I'm actually feeling are the operative words there...
I haven't read Halley's thoughts, though I've gathered the concept. I don't like the term, girlism; the connotation is...well, you know, GIRLS are not liberated, they are children under the authority of an other and isn't that the precise notion being confronted?
I haven't read Halley's thoughts, though I've gathered the concept. I don't like the term, girlism; the connotation is...well, you know, GIRLS are not liberated, they are children under the authority of an other and isn't that the precise notion being confronted?
Good advice if you haven't seen it yet.
I got this in an email from a relative, and I hadn't seen the information before. Forgive me if you have; it's worth repeating for those who haven't. It's advice from a lawyer.
The next time you order checks, have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook, he will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name, but your bank will know how you sign your checks. Put your work phone number on your checks instead of your home phone.
If you have a PO Box, use that instead of your home address; if you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS number printed on your checks. You can add it if it is necessary, but if you have it printed, anyone can get it.
Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.
A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company. I pass it along for your information:
We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc. Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.
But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know: We have been told you should cancel your credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen; this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).
But here's what is perhaps most important (I never even thought to do this): Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert.
Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks. The numbers are:
Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271
We pass along jokes; we pass along just about everything. Do think about passing this information along. It could really help someone you care about.
The next time you order checks, have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook, he will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name, but your bank will know how you sign your checks. Put your work phone number on your checks instead of your home phone.
If you have a PO Box, use that instead of your home address; if you do not have a PO Box, use your work address. Never have your SS number printed on your checks. You can add it if it is necessary, but if you have it printed, anyone can get it.
Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine, do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.
A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company. I pass it along for your information:
We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards, etc. Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more.
But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know: We have been told you should cancel your credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them easily. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where it was stolen; this proves to credit providers you were diligent, and is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).
But here's what is perhaps most important (I never even thought to do this): Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit. By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert.
Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them in their tracks. The numbers are:
Equifax: 1-800-525-6285
Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
Trans Union: 1-800-680-7289
Social Security Administration (fraud line): 1-800-269-0271
We pass along jokes; we pass along just about everything. Do think about passing this information along. It could really help someone you care about.
SUVs and Political Unrest!
I am certain that Equality For Women seemed like a good idea at the time. As with other elegant theories fashioned by noble minds, of course, years of wear by actual humans has now made it appear both dowdy and impractical. Whenever shall we acquire the skill of not ruining a half-decent concept?! Just as Socialism morphed into meat-queues, atrocious poetry and genocide, Feminism begat padded shoulders, Spice Girls and mandatory whining. As a species, it must be said, we are adept at making fabulous To Do lists and then misplacing them somewhere in the clutter-drawer of history.
Yes, the Holy Heifer of Women’s Liberation deserves a savage prod. Or, at the very least, a good lie down. Something went terribly awry and a gracious ideal transformed, quite frankly, into a calamitous Tupperware party managed by an ungrateful hostess. What is wrong with feminism? Minds more agile than that which writes this text have addressed that question rigorously.
And even though there are those nodes of feminism’s failure that require a further and urgent attention, I here choose to fixate my attention on one tiny topic: The Right of The Childless Woman To Comfortably Park Her Vehicle.
I ought to explain. Please bear with my automotive conundrum. It requires some clarification.
For those of you who have been intimate, as I have, with The Sisters’ Army, I need hardly give details on how sensitivity to child-rearing issues is key. Heavens, if a girl is not attuned to the Great Needs of Suffering Mothers, she might be stripped of her feminist credentials in a manner that makes even the Brownie Guild look kind. Since the seventies, a crucial goal of feminism has been to acknowledge, mitigate and even seek PAY for the burden that is motherhood. Childcare should be subsidised, maternity leave should be extensive and congratulations on your decision to reproduce should be deafening.
I ought to impart, I suppose, that I once was an ardent supporter of such views. My zeal for the recognition of parenting as a profession was, I guess, informed by the suspicion that I too, one day, would bear children. Now, at 34 and without the funds or indeed apparatus to do so, my opinion has changed. Being a parent is not a duty nor a right, it is an enormous privilege. Being a parent is not a burden, it is, for the most part, a profound joy. Being a parent is NOT something that requires remuneration, sympathy or pity. Yes, I observe in the faces of my female intimates that parenting can be a circuitous journey with its own frustration and paranoias. But come on, ladies, admit it: Having a little one is an absolute hoot!
And so, it is with envy and incredulity that I note a new rash of convenient car spaces in shopping malls nationwide that are reserved for ‘Parents with Prams’. Excuse me?! It’s not enough that you get preferential treatment from Gran, extended leave AND the virtual guarantee of company in your incontinent twilight years, but you must have special parking AS WELL. Well excuse me if I petition for a Resolutely Barren and Proud space this instant.
Yes, the Holy Heifer of Women’s Liberation deserves a savage prod. Or, at the very least, a good lie down. Something went terribly awry and a gracious ideal transformed, quite frankly, into a calamitous Tupperware party managed by an ungrateful hostess. What is wrong with feminism? Minds more agile than that which writes this text have addressed that question rigorously.
And even though there are those nodes of feminism’s failure that require a further and urgent attention, I here choose to fixate my attention on one tiny topic: The Right of The Childless Woman To Comfortably Park Her Vehicle.
I ought to explain. Please bear with my automotive conundrum. It requires some clarification.
For those of you who have been intimate, as I have, with The Sisters’ Army, I need hardly give details on how sensitivity to child-rearing issues is key. Heavens, if a girl is not attuned to the Great Needs of Suffering Mothers, she might be stripped of her feminist credentials in a manner that makes even the Brownie Guild look kind. Since the seventies, a crucial goal of feminism has been to acknowledge, mitigate and even seek PAY for the burden that is motherhood. Childcare should be subsidised, maternity leave should be extensive and congratulations on your decision to reproduce should be deafening.
I ought to impart, I suppose, that I once was an ardent supporter of such views. My zeal for the recognition of parenting as a profession was, I guess, informed by the suspicion that I too, one day, would bear children. Now, at 34 and without the funds or indeed apparatus to do so, my opinion has changed. Being a parent is not a duty nor a right, it is an enormous privilege. Being a parent is not a burden, it is, for the most part, a profound joy. Being a parent is NOT something that requires remuneration, sympathy or pity. Yes, I observe in the faces of my female intimates that parenting can be a circuitous journey with its own frustration and paranoias. But come on, ladies, admit it: Having a little one is an absolute hoot!
And so, it is with envy and incredulity that I note a new rash of convenient car spaces in shopping malls nationwide that are reserved for ‘Parents with Prams’. Excuse me?! It’s not enough that you get preferential treatment from Gran, extended leave AND the virtual guarantee of company in your incontinent twilight years, but you must have special parking AS WELL. Well excuse me if I petition for a Resolutely Barren and Proud space this instant.
Halley's back with more about Girlism
And it's bound to cause a stir 'round these parts. I have to finish my work-work before I can blog on it, so have at it.
Sunday, December 01, 2002
This is a test
No one's posted here for a couple of days, and I got an email from Pascale saying that she gets a javascript error message when she tries. So, here's my try. If it works, then it's not the site, right?
Friday, November 29, 2002
Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
In keeping with the free-spirited and inclusive intentions that are at the heart of Blog Sisters, today, CEO Jeneane and President Elaine issued the following light-hearted (and somewhat light-headed, after all that world-wide publicity) press release:
Blog Sisters--For Immediate Release FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Blogsisters Relocates Headquarters to Blogaria Women-Only Weblog Moves from Blogsville to Blogaria to Provide Added
Convenience for Members Attending the University of Blogaria
BLOGARIA, November 29, 2002 - Blog Sisters announced today that it has relocated its headquarters from Blogsville to the college town of Blogaria. The move puts members in closer proximity to the University of Blogaria (UB) where several Sisters hold positions and attend classes.
“When Blogsville turned into Dullsville, we knew it was time to breathe some new life into this community,” said Blog Sisters’ founder and UB staff member, Jeneane Sessum. “Some of us were having to travel five or six clicks just to get our research done on time—never mind correcting papers. It seemed like a good time to pack up and move to Blogaria”
“We’re happy to have the Blog Sisters nearby,” said UB Provost and Vice Chancellor of Imaginary Affairs Frank Paynter. “They know how to cook and clean, and most of the men here have no clue,” he said. “They’re also kind of snazzy dames.”
Blog Sister President, Elaine of Kalilily, responded by socking Paynter in the gut. “That’s just a warning, Bucko,” Elaine said. “Next time I aim lower.”
All in all, the Blog Sister faculty members and students now residing near UB are pleased with the new living arrangements.
They have, however, placed steel-jaw leghold traps at each door to prevent panty raids.
Prof. of Priapic Ideation, Christopher Locke, was not deterred by this news.
“One hundred smart women in one blogdorm—I don’t really need my left leg anyhow.”
Last seen, Elaine of Kalilily was at a kick boxing studio honing her body blows.
# # #
Ms. Magazine Weblog Mentions Blog Sisters
You might like to know that Ms. Magazine online now has a weblog, ms.musings, authored by Christine Cupaiuolo. Her 11/28 post is about the NY Times article, and she mentions Blog Sisters. At the end of that post, she asks "Who are your favorite female bloggers?" If you'd like to suggest a few, link over to here and do so.
What a Day!
Today is my one-year Blogiversary, and I'm celebrating it trying to keep up with all of the women emailing me asking to join Blog Sisters.
Here's an snippet from my post on my own weblog today:
Meanwhile, I celebrate today the way I celebrated November 29, 2001 -- at the computer, weblogging. Although tonight I might work on the booties-that-look-like sneakers for my grandson. I couldn't find a pattern that I liked so I'm inventing my own.... And so, for all those out in Blogdom who criticize women bloggers for posting about knitting. Stuff it!.... Isn't it great to feel that there is nothing we can't do and that it is soooo OK to enjoy all kinds of activities that are productive and life-affirming! Yeah! Yeah! Go Blog Sisters.
Here's an snippet from my post on my own weblog today:
Meanwhile, I celebrate today the way I celebrated November 29, 2001 -- at the computer, weblogging. Although tonight I might work on the booties-that-look-like sneakers for my grandson. I couldn't find a pattern that I liked so I'm inventing my own.... And so, for all those out in Blogdom who criticize women bloggers for posting about knitting. Stuff it!.... Isn't it great to feel that there is nothing we can't do and that it is soooo OK to enjoy all kinds of activities that are productive and life-affirming! Yeah! Yeah! Go Blog Sisters.
Censorship and/or the ethics of delinking:
Do you expect to always have only positive feedback in your comments? Are you upset when someone disagrees with you, or questions your argument? Is blogging about patting those "just like us" on the back, and blocking those who aren't? Is tolerance analogous to stupidity?
What the hell is this? The Tuesday Too on Friday?
No, just some questions to mull over. Here are two links (1, 2) mired in a "discussion" to rev up your engines.
"In the spider-web of facts, many a truth is strangled."
--Paul Eldridge
(Also posted on Testzone)
Thursday, November 28, 2002
Adding my piece on the NY Times article on women & blogs.
So, this is the link, and here is what I have to say about it: The predictably-linked article, from The New York Times discusses the so-called male-dominated world of blogging. The very concept of a male-centric "Blogville" seems ludicrous to me.
I can't recall exactly why I first entered the great wide world of blogging (oh day of days). I'd thought my interest had been piqued by Rebecca Mead's now-famous article in the New Yorker on the nascent blogging scene, but date-checking shows me that my first posting came two weeks before the publication of that article. In any case, I remember that article as being my inspiration for blogging. More specifically, I remember my inspiration being Meg Hourihan, co-founder of Pyra, the company behind the Blogger software (is software the right word?) this blog relies on. From the moment I read the article, I thought Meg (who is herself a BlogSister) seemed nothing short of totally awesome. I read her blog, and I wanted to meet her. I knew that was an absurd and slightly creepy aspiration, and if I couldn't meet her, I could at least blog my heart out. So to me, blogging was always about the women, from the very beginning. I soon discovered other favorite blogs, all belonging to women: Mighty Girl (which I still read almost daily), Weblog Wannabe, and BlogSisters (obviously cool). A quick analysis of my blogroll reveals that of twelve blogs, exactly half are authored by women. Not too shabby.
In short, I feel Lisa Guernsey's article was under-researched and therefore misrepresented my experience, and probably the experience of many other bloggers, both male and female. I remember thinking that "Blogville" was, if anything, dominated by females. In the end, while it was nice to see something in a major publication about BlogSisters, I thought the broad conclusions the author came to were rather unsubstantiated.
(a version of this was originally posted on Fire & Ice)
I can't recall exactly why I first entered the great wide world of blogging (oh day of days). I'd thought my interest had been piqued by Rebecca Mead's now-famous article in the New Yorker on the nascent blogging scene, but date-checking shows me that my first posting came two weeks before the publication of that article. In any case, I remember that article as being my inspiration for blogging. More specifically, I remember my inspiration being Meg Hourihan, co-founder of Pyra, the company behind the Blogger software (is software the right word?) this blog relies on. From the moment I read the article, I thought Meg (who is herself a BlogSister) seemed nothing short of totally awesome. I read her blog, and I wanted to meet her. I knew that was an absurd and slightly creepy aspiration, and if I couldn't meet her, I could at least blog my heart out. So to me, blogging was always about the women, from the very beginning. I soon discovered other favorite blogs, all belonging to women: Mighty Girl (which I still read almost daily), Weblog Wannabe, and BlogSisters (obviously cool). A quick analysis of my blogroll reveals that of twelve blogs, exactly half are authored by women. Not too shabby.
In short, I feel Lisa Guernsey's article was under-researched and therefore misrepresented my experience, and probably the experience of many other bloggers, both male and female. I remember thinking that "Blogville" was, if anything, dominated by females. In the end, while it was nice to see something in a major publication about BlogSisters, I thought the broad conclusions the author came to were rather unsubstantiated.
(a version of this was originally posted on Fire & Ice)
Wednesday, November 27, 2002
Blog Sisters in the New York Times!
The online version is up, and the print version will be out tomorrow, Thanksgiving Day. Blog Sisters is mentioned in Telling All Online: It's a Man's World (Isn't It?), an article by Lisa Guernsey in the Circuits section of the publication. Jeneane and I are quoted, and there's a photo of our founding mother and her daughter, Jenna. I'll bet we're going to get lots of hits here over the next few days, so now's the time to post all of that stuff that's been sitting on the tip of your fingers. Our thanks to all of our Blog Sisters for opting to be a part of this group of extraordinary women. A Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.
Who Are the Blog Sisters?
At Jeneane's instigation and with your contributions, we have whipped up a bio page for any Blog Sister that would like to send information. Keep 'em coming, and find out more about your fellow Blog Sisters at:
http://blogsisters.blogspot.com/about/index.html
http://blogsisters.blogspot.com/about/index.html
from 0 to 5
soft legs and fleshy neck, the smell of her newborn hair, rubbing my cheek against hers, healing warmth, unspoiled, suckling with rounded fists, peace, awe, eyes that follow me, change colors, open mouth, words forming, joy of legs and arms moving, the first crawl, chasing cats, eating lint from the carpet, tottering from sofa to piano stool, screaming laughter, ugh-ohs, cheerios, elbow macaroni and banging spoons on high chair tray, wandering roaming walking, eating goldfish on the go, washing down crackers with a bottle, french fries, sippy-cup, meatballs and spaghetti sauce hair, sticky bedtime bath, shampoo sweetness, bedtime stories, morning eagerness, piercing voice of joy, running and strutting, up and down stairs, mama, dada, kitty, doggie, pre-k, best friends, skipping and dancing, artwork, watercolors, markers, playdough, Barbie, CDs and cassettes, tantrums, attitude, bumps and bandaids, hugs and tears, a big-girl bed, dresses and party shoes, bows for her hair, phone calls and shopping, pigtails and braids, reading and math, books and papers, hearts and flowers, muscled legs and long neck, the smell of her long, curly hair, rubbying my cheek to hers.
blog sisters / feminism and rumblings
Change comes from being openly dissatisfied. I think it unfortunate that human beings regardless of race gender and whatever else separates our struggles if only in our own closed minds continues to plague the bottom line of real progress.
Its almost funny, but not funny because people honestly believe in this ignorance.
A farmer plants a seed, harvests his crops sells them to the market and makes a profit. Who is really responsible for this progress? The farmer? The market place? The consumers?
No, the seed, the ground, weather, and water is responsible, everybody wants to be special for having the good sense to put right things together.
Good Lawd!!!!
Its almost funny, but not funny because people honestly believe in this ignorance.
A farmer plants a seed, harvests his crops sells them to the market and makes a profit. Who is really responsible for this progress? The farmer? The market place? The consumers?
No, the seed, the ground, weather, and water is responsible, everybody wants to be special for having the good sense to put right things together.
Good Lawd!!!!
Tuesday, November 26, 2002
Oh, by the way, Post on...
[consider the previous an intermission--return to the discussions at hand.] ;-)
Calling All Blog Sisters
There's been an interesting conversation going on over on Shelley Powers' blog about "girlism" and "feminism" and the like. In the sub-discussion comments, an interesting post from Dan Lyke about Blog Sisters caught my attention. Among other things, Dan said:
"I try not to read Blog Sisters because it feels like 'Maxim for girls', reinforcing the sorts of attitudes which lead to good docile consumers who fit into easily manipulated demographics."
and...
"I understand that Blog Sisters is non-commercial and has no editorial control and is just what its members make of it. And yes, a quick glance through finds some good content. But overall, if I were to paint women in general with the brush I get from Blog Sisters I'd run screaming from the world. My issue, my perceptions, not yours, and it's unlikely that any amount of meta-argument is going to change my mind. If I thought that Blog Sisters accurately represented the attitudes and opinions of women in my personal community, I'd read it for information about them no matter what. And if you're happy with Blog Sisters, more power to you, you're welcome to do with my opinions what you wish."
I take some responsibility for what Dan has missed about us. While I'm not sure where he got the impression that we are "reinforcing the sorts of attitudes which lead to good docile consumers who fit into easily manipulated demographics," I am sure disappointed that he would run screaming from the world if he thought we represented women in general.
That's kind of hard to hear.
I think my part in contributing to Dan's misperception of this place is that I haven't emphasized enough the variety and depth and diversity of women, opinions, lifestyles, beliefs, etc. that are represented in the woman of this community.
I want to change this.
Could each of you--if you want to participate--please email me tonight or tomorrow (there is a time sensitive element to this) a few sentences that describe you--what you're about, what you do, your interests/passions/expertise, your age if you want to share, where you live (state or country, etc.) or anything else that makes you you. If you have a JPEG photo of yourself, send that too, as well as your weblog address.
I want to create a page that tells who we are--who all of us are--not just me, Elaine, and Andrea (the crew that keeps this place going). I'd like to make it easier for those who read us to understand that the women here are single, married, young, not so young, from around the globe; they're stay-at-home moms, working moms, childless-by-choice, or still looking for Mr. or Ms. Right; they're journalists, technologists, children, mothers, grandmothers; they're dancers, artists, poets, feminists, non-feminists. All of it and more.
If each reader were to read every post and visit every individual weblog present here, they'd see this. But let's face it; we can't expect that, and I hate that some folks are missing what makes this place so cool--you.
Andrea, if you want to help, maybe we can design a who-we-are page that says, "About the Blog Sisters," and put our short bios and pics in alphabetical order, along with links to each woman's weblog.
Thoughts? If you email your info and pics to ewriter@bellsouth.net, we'll take it from there. Rather quickly.
Sorry this was so long in coming. Thanks, Ladies.
"I try not to read Blog Sisters because it feels like 'Maxim for girls', reinforcing the sorts of attitudes which lead to good docile consumers who fit into easily manipulated demographics."
and...
"I understand that Blog Sisters is non-commercial and has no editorial control and is just what its members make of it. And yes, a quick glance through finds some good content. But overall, if I were to paint women in general with the brush I get from Blog Sisters I'd run screaming from the world. My issue, my perceptions, not yours, and it's unlikely that any amount of meta-argument is going to change my mind. If I thought that Blog Sisters accurately represented the attitudes and opinions of women in my personal community, I'd read it for information about them no matter what. And if you're happy with Blog Sisters, more power to you, you're welcome to do with my opinions what you wish."
I take some responsibility for what Dan has missed about us. While I'm not sure where he got the impression that we are "reinforcing the sorts of attitudes which lead to good docile consumers who fit into easily manipulated demographics," I am sure disappointed that he would run screaming from the world if he thought we represented women in general.
That's kind of hard to hear.
I think my part in contributing to Dan's misperception of this place is that I haven't emphasized enough the variety and depth and diversity of women, opinions, lifestyles, beliefs, etc. that are represented in the woman of this community.
I want to change this.
Could each of you--if you want to participate--please email me tonight or tomorrow (there is a time sensitive element to this) a few sentences that describe you--what you're about, what you do, your interests/passions/expertise, your age if you want to share, where you live (state or country, etc.) or anything else that makes you you. If you have a JPEG photo of yourself, send that too, as well as your weblog address.
I want to create a page that tells who we are--who all of us are--not just me, Elaine, and Andrea (the crew that keeps this place going). I'd like to make it easier for those who read us to understand that the women here are single, married, young, not so young, from around the globe; they're stay-at-home moms, working moms, childless-by-choice, or still looking for Mr. or Ms. Right; they're journalists, technologists, children, mothers, grandmothers; they're dancers, artists, poets, feminists, non-feminists. All of it and more.
If each reader were to read every post and visit every individual weblog present here, they'd see this. But let's face it; we can't expect that, and I hate that some folks are missing what makes this place so cool--you.
Andrea, if you want to help, maybe we can design a who-we-are page that says, "About the Blog Sisters," and put our short bios and pics in alphabetical order, along with links to each woman's weblog.
Thoughts? If you email your info and pics to ewriter@bellsouth.net, we'll take it from there. Rather quickly.
Sorry this was so long in coming. Thanks, Ladies.
Let's not forget to lighten up
A friend send me the url to this site for Using humor to bring awareness, support, education and inspiration to women at a time in their lives where all the rules seem to change.
The site even has this section for the men in our lives who care.
The site even has this section for the men in our lives who care.
Monday, November 25, 2002
Remembering Mimmie
I made two apple pies over the weekend. I can bake fairly well, and I was (relatively) pleased with the outcome. Apple pie is one of my signatures; family and friends now expect me to produce at least one for all holidays. I always feel connected to my grandmother when I bake. Mixing the pie crust, rolling it out, sensing if it needs a bit more water or flour, getting the end result to be perfect...these tasks call images of Mimmie, and the remarks she made, to mind. When I asked her to describe her occupation, as part of an interview for my college class on aging, she responded with a laugh, "I don't want to say jack of all trades and master of none," before settling on "cook."
Mimmie was especially fond of sweets. As a newlywed in 1926, she started writing recipes in a spiral-bound notebook. On the cover is taped an illustration of a kitchen by Maxwell Mays that looks much like Mimmie's at the old house, where she lived before moving to a small mobile home next door to my brother's house, during the later years of her life. Assembling my pies on Saturday, I realize that my kitchen is also reminiscent of hers; although there is no wringer washing machine, and my range uses natural gas instead of propane and wood, the 1940s are still visible in my enamel-topped table, chrome hardware, tile walls, and lack of automatic dishwasher.
Mimmie was precise in everything. Just today I received a note in the mail from my aunt, Mimmie's oldest daughter, about a dinner she hosted a few weekends ago. She writes that it was great to have us over, and she would like to do it again. "I'll try to make something better, I think the mashed potatoes were dry." This makes me smile, because the meal was delicious, and her words remind me of Mimmie. Then, I see she added: "I sound like Mimmie, but it's true," and my smile becomes a chuckle.
The stained pages inside Mimmie's old cookbook are written in fountain pen and long ago started to crumble. That notebook begins with a recipe for Irish Wedding Cake. My sister recently returned from a trip to Ireland. All of Mimmie's grandparents immigrated to the U.S. in the 1840s or '50s. She never visited there; in fact, she rarely strayed from the Catskill Mountain region of upstate New York, and she even preferred staying at home to going out locally. But that didn't prevent her from being fiercely proud of her heritage. My sister brought back some stones from Counties Cork and Kerry. After Thanksgiving we plan to go to the cemetery, to share with Mimmie those mementos from her ancestral place. (Also posted at Gully Brook Press)
Mimmie was especially fond of sweets. As a newlywed in 1926, she started writing recipes in a spiral-bound notebook. On the cover is taped an illustration of a kitchen by Maxwell Mays that looks much like Mimmie's at the old house, where she lived before moving to a small mobile home next door to my brother's house, during the later years of her life. Assembling my pies on Saturday, I realize that my kitchen is also reminiscent of hers; although there is no wringer washing machine, and my range uses natural gas instead of propane and wood, the 1940s are still visible in my enamel-topped table, chrome hardware, tile walls, and lack of automatic dishwasher.
Mimmie was precise in everything. Just today I received a note in the mail from my aunt, Mimmie's oldest daughter, about a dinner she hosted a few weekends ago. She writes that it was great to have us over, and she would like to do it again. "I'll try to make something better, I think the mashed potatoes were dry." This makes me smile, because the meal was delicious, and her words remind me of Mimmie. Then, I see she added: "I sound like Mimmie, but it's true," and my smile becomes a chuckle.
The stained pages inside Mimmie's old cookbook are written in fountain pen and long ago started to crumble. That notebook begins with a recipe for Irish Wedding Cake. My sister recently returned from a trip to Ireland. All of Mimmie's grandparents immigrated to the U.S. in the 1840s or '50s. She never visited there; in fact, she rarely strayed from the Catskill Mountain region of upstate New York, and she even preferred staying at home to going out locally. But that didn't prevent her from being fiercely proud of her heritage. My sister brought back some stones from Counties Cork and Kerry. After Thanksgiving we plan to go to the cemetery, to share with Mimmie those mementos from her ancestral place. (Also posted at Gully Brook Press)
Girl Wandering
On the eve of the next big chapter in my life, a move to another continent, I've been thinking a lot about all the wanderings I've done in my scant 24 (soon to be 25) years: living on a sailboat from age 2 and traveling the southern California coast; a three month tour through 25 states, Canada, and Mexico at age seven; trips to Russia, Wales/ UK, Paris, the Netherlands, and now Australia. So, in the middle of packing, I unearthed my diary from my three week trip to Pushkin, Russia at age 16. I've typed up the entries, scanned in sketches and photos, and am now adding some annotations-- memories, reflections, additional information, my thoughts as I look back on one of the most formative trips of my life, and an experience that has added to my considerable wanderlust today. Three continents down, only four to go...
Not a minute more.
Today the United Nations Development Fund for Women is hosting an event in New York to commemorate November 25 as International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.
Somewhere in America a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner, every 15 seconds.
A woman is raped every 23 seconds in South Africa.
Every minute in the United Kingdom, police receive a call from the public for assistance for domestic violence. 81% of these are female victims attacked by male perpetrators.
47% of women in Bangladesh have been physically abused in their lifetime by an intimate partner.
Somewhere in America a woman is battered, usually by her intimate partner, every 15 seconds.
A woman is raped every 23 seconds in South Africa.
Every minute in the United Kingdom, police receive a call from the public for assistance for domestic violence. 81% of these are female victims attacked by male perpetrators.
47% of women in Bangladesh have been physically abused in their lifetime by an intimate partner.
Friday, November 22, 2002
Driving While Aroused
posted tonight on allied as well:
A Longview, Texas woman was arrested for having 17 sex toys in her car, according to this article. If convicted, she could face two years in jail. Notice, will you, that she was stopped for suspicion of DUI. And yet, what is the news angle of this story? The fact that the woman was allegedly driving drunk and could have killed someone's child is not discussed because it's not "news." It's America. What is news is that this woman works as a distributor for Slumber Parties, which is described as Tuperware meets Victoria Secret. Apparently, that just ain't lady like in Texas, ya'll.
A Longview, Texas woman was arrested for having 17 sex toys in her car, according to this article. If convicted, she could face two years in jail. Notice, will you, that she was stopped for suspicion of DUI. And yet, what is the news angle of this story? The fact that the woman was allegedly driving drunk and could have killed someone's child is not discussed because it's not "news." It's America. What is news is that this woman works as a distributor for Slumber Parties, which is described as Tuperware meets Victoria Secret. Apparently, that just ain't lady like in Texas, ya'll.
What Ever Happened To Feminism?
I'm having lunch with four really bright guys at work and one says, apropos of the Victoria's Secret Lingerie Show on CBS the night before, "What Ever Happened To Feminism?" And I say, "It's over," and then I say, "and you guys are in big, big trouble."
This brings the appetizer munching to a slow halt. I start to explain. We entered the work force in the 70's in those ridiculous women's suits with bowties. We wanted a level playing field. We wanted to play fair. We wanted the same opportunities and privileges men got. We won a few of those, but mostly we lost and we weren't taken seriously. We cried "foul" with sexual harrassment in the 80's and 90's and then the game changed completely. We went back to basics. We found our old power -- girl power -- and we added that to what we'd learned from men. So now we knew how to be professional but we also remembered how to be subversive, subversively female, subversively feminine.
"There is no more feminism," I explain. Game Over. But it took me a day or two to name the new game. It's "girlism" -- women want to be sexy girls and use all the tricks girls use. Crying, flirting, begging, winking, stomping their feet when they don't get their way, general trotting around showing off their long legs and whatever else they decide to show off thereby distracting and derailing men.
It's about power -- the girl power we've always had, but forgot about, combined with all the stuff we've learned in the workplace. Needless to say, if you're a man and you call us on it, we deny it. The new double double standard. We learned how to stop playing fair.
Violence and the Miss World Pageant
I'm not at all sure what remarks to make about this article, given the variety of issues here, except this: tragic.
Metaphorically Maternal
Among his ongoing commentaries about the politics and poker in America today, bix links to Ellen Goodman’s article about Nancy Pelosi – but he left out something Goodman said that I’d like to highlight.
Goodman says
It's barely a week since Nancy Pelosi became minority leader, and there's already been a regime change of metaphors. Out with sports; in with food…… On ''Meet the Press,'' the woman who became head of the Democratic Household cheerily compared her postelection fate to the patriotic poultry…… ''You know the story. It's like the Thanksgiving turkey,'' she said. ''You bring it out, you get this great honor, everybody oohs and ahs ... and then they begin to carve you up.'
Having worked for almost twenty years for the CEO of a government agency division who is a woman and who made a point of using non-sports metaphors, I saw how a corporate culture is affected by the metaphorical language used by its leader. My former boss tends to use family and home-based metaphors, which reflect a collaborative, sibling approach to management. Most of the managers reporting to her are men, and their tendency is to use sports metaphors, which reflect competitive, hierarchical values. Over the years, her metaphors have reinforced the management messages she tries to communicate. The culture of the organization has become such that employees from other parts of the agency keep looking for job openings with her operation. And, under her leadership, the units for which she is responsible have gained great respect and support from the government agencies that provide her funding.
Language. Voice. Metaphor. More powerful than the sword -- for both good and ill.
(double posted on my own blog)
Goodman says
It's barely a week since Nancy Pelosi became minority leader, and there's already been a regime change of metaphors. Out with sports; in with food…… On ''Meet the Press,'' the woman who became head of the Democratic Household cheerily compared her postelection fate to the patriotic poultry…… ''You know the story. It's like the Thanksgiving turkey,'' she said. ''You bring it out, you get this great honor, everybody oohs and ahs ... and then they begin to carve you up.'
Having worked for almost twenty years for the CEO of a government agency division who is a woman and who made a point of using non-sports metaphors, I saw how a corporate culture is affected by the metaphorical language used by its leader. My former boss tends to use family and home-based metaphors, which reflect a collaborative, sibling approach to management. Most of the managers reporting to her are men, and their tendency is to use sports metaphors, which reflect competitive, hierarchical values. Over the years, her metaphors have reinforced the management messages she tries to communicate. The culture of the organization has become such that employees from other parts of the agency keep looking for job openings with her operation. And, under her leadership, the units for which she is responsible have gained great respect and support from the government agencies that provide her funding.
Language. Voice. Metaphor. More powerful than the sword -- for both good and ill.
(double posted on my own blog)
Thursday, November 21, 2002
holiday gift idea - to benefit breast and ovarian cancer research
I heard about this calendar at work and thought it looked like a great gift idea for the holidays. Proceeds benefit breast cancer and ovarian cancer research, and the cost seems pretty reasonable.
Joyce Ostin, a professional photographer and cancer survivor did the photography. She took these photos in the homes of celebrities who are supporting breast cancer awareness, like Julianna Margulies, Peggy Lipton, Kyra Sedgwick, and others. Pretty cool.
Joyce Ostin, a professional photographer and cancer survivor did the photography. She took these photos in the homes of celebrities who are supporting breast cancer awareness, like Julianna Margulies, Peggy Lipton, Kyra Sedgwick, and others. Pretty cool.
Wednesday, November 20, 2002
News on women in technology.
http://sanfrancisco.bizjournals.com/sanfrancisco/stories/2002/11/18/story3.html
From Bizjournals.com, comments on women that are currently holding key positions in technology related corporations.
From Bizjournals.com, comments on women that are currently holding key positions in technology related corporations.
Monday, November 18, 2002
Solitude vs. Company
Charles Murtaugh cites Caitlin Flanagan on what women apparently crave:
He comments:
Are women really such lone wolves? Or are we just saying that we are in order to exert our independence?
The photography in her [Martha Stewart] various publications seems to reduce all of female longing to its essential elements. A basket of flowers, a child's lawn pinafore draped across a painted rocking chair, an exceptionally white towel folded in thirds and perched in glamorous isolation on a clean and barren shelf: most of the pictures feature a lot of sunlight, and many show rooms that are either empty of people or occupied solely by Martha, evoking the profound and enduring female desires for solitude and silence. No heterosexual man can understand this stuff, and no woman with a beating heart and an ounce of femininity can resist it.
He comments:
I'll take her word for it. And perhaps women will take my word that many men, at least the men I know, crave almost precisely the opposite: not solitude, but company, and specifically the company of other men.
Are women really such lone wolves? Or are we just saying that we are in order to exert our independence?
Sunday, November 17, 2002
Looking for "Normal People Are Not Exceptional"
I'm trying to find where I can get a copy of this film as a holiday present for my son b!X. I guess it played on the International Channel; I don't get it and he missed it. And he can't locate it anywhere through Net searches. Anyone out there know?
Friday, November 15, 2002
Is this for real?
Restrooms of the Future.31 years of being a woman, and I had no idea this was possible!
Thursday, November 14, 2002
New Yahoo Group
I have been unhappy with the blog groups available, So i am starting a new one.
Click to subscribe to Blogging_Community
I am attempting to create a group that you actually want to join and stay in.
Click to subscribe to Blogging_Community
I am attempting to create a group that you actually want to join and stay in.
Girl Culture
Found via the illustrious Mena Trott, is an online photo essay based on the Lauren Greenfield book Girl Culture. I thought it was intriguing:
Poignant stuff.
"If I don't dress well, I feel geeky. And if I feel nice, I feel like people like me. Fashionable clothing is way better and cool."
- Lily, 6 years old
"Everybody's got to make fun of somebody else. People make fun of me all the time because I'm overweight. It's just something you try to hide from, I guess. You don't want other people to see."
- Lisa, 13 years old
"I know I play into that image out there, but I try to say it is a fantasy. I look at my own pictures and wish I could look like that."
- Cindy Margolis, "The World's Most Downloaded Woman"
"I have really mixed feelings about the story of Cinderella. Of course, it's every girl's dream to find Prince Charming and marry and have a nice life. But Cinderella can't do anything for herself. She's dependent on the fact that Prince Charming's gonna come and take her, and if it weren't for him she would probably stay there, you know?"
- Ruby, 15 years old
Poignant stuff.
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
Invitation
I would like to invite fellow blog sisters to visit my blog. BlogData
If you read my posts you'll find blog related content, news, links, resources, and discussion. Please feel free to send me articles or news. I enjoy networking within the blogging community. My blog has a personal/professional feel with mixed content its on the techie side without being pretentious or nerdy.
Interact!!! Thanks
If you read my posts you'll find blog related content, news, links, resources, and discussion. Please feel free to send me articles or news. I enjoy networking within the blogging community. My blog has a personal/professional feel with mixed content its on the techie side without being pretentious or nerdy.
Interact!!! Thanks
Monday, November 11, 2002
Blogger in Wonderland
I am here but I don't really understand. I clicked the invitation link, entered my account name and password then suddenly I am at the post page.
Well, I guess I am in now and I will figure it out from here.
Well, I guess I am in now and I will figure it out from here.
Sunday, November 10, 2002
Juggling frogs
After months of languishing on the sidebar link list, Blogger has finally given me write access to BlogSisters. So, hi there!
I'm currently travelling in Southeast Asia, where women's lives are rather different to the one I led in Brooklyn. Here's a taste from Vietnam, taken from When Heaven and Earth Changed Places by Le Ly's Hayslip. The spirit, if not the substance, may ring true for working mothers in the west.
I'm currently travelling in Southeast Asia, where women's lives are rather different to the one I led in Brooklyn. Here's a taste from Vietnam, taken from When Heaven and Earth Changed Places by Le Ly's Hayslip. The spirit, if not the substance, may ring true for working mothers in the west.
'In the north, an unusual rice festival among minority groups involves a competition between unmarried women. The task is to cook a pot of rice, suspended from a pole attached to the woman's back by a sash. Each woman must quickly chew a stick of sugarcane to produce fiber for the fire, then balance a pot of rice over the fire. To make the task more difficult, each woman is also given an infant to hold and must contain a frog with a 1.5-meter diameter circle around the fire. The winner is the one who makes the best-tasting rice in the shortest time, keeps the frog contained, and sufficiently soothes the terrified infant.'
Saturday, November 09, 2002
play's the thing....
RageBoy’s post about playing, which links to several other playful male bloggers, affirmed what I was feeling all along in reading some of those posts on these guys’ weblogs. I don’t play the way these guys play, so their play doesn’t seem very playful to me. And I have a feeling that other women bloggers (and non-) feel the same way. Boys tend to love rough and tumble, sucker punches, messy wrestle on the ground get dirt in your mouth play. These male bloggers are playing like that metaphorically. Girls tend not to play the same way as boys. And women tend not to play like men.
So that’s why, when I read this, I think, wow, good blogging, great writing. But when I read some of his other stuff, I think, what a waste of time.
As I read some of the posts at Blog Sisters, I don't see much playfulness. What do we sound like when we're being playful? And why aren't we moreso in our blogs?
Personally, I suspect it's because while the boys are out playing, we're the ones who are dealing with the stuff of every day life survival that's not so much fun. Maybe if we had more support for those things from the men in our lives (and in "life" in general), we'd be more inclined to play more, and our weblogs would reflect this. But I still don't think our play would sound - or feel -- the same as that of our male friends. What do you think?
(double posted on kalilily.net.)
So that’s why, when I read this, I think, wow, good blogging, great writing. But when I read some of his other stuff, I think, what a waste of time.
As I read some of the posts at Blog Sisters, I don't see much playfulness. What do we sound like when we're being playful? And why aren't we moreso in our blogs?
Personally, I suspect it's because while the boys are out playing, we're the ones who are dealing with the stuff of every day life survival that's not so much fun. Maybe if we had more support for those things from the men in our lives (and in "life" in general), we'd be more inclined to play more, and our weblogs would reflect this. But I still don't think our play would sound - or feel -- the same as that of our male friends. What do you think?
(double posted on kalilily.net.)
Friday, November 08, 2002
don't forget...
i love the recent posts here, from six-foot woman to bouncer/superhero combo. Where else you gonna find out about these things? That's all. That's all I have to add here this week. The only other thing I want to say is please, answer any or all of the questions on the Blog Sisters Survey, or write your own women and blogging ideas, and send me your thoughts.... good weekend all!
jeneane
jeneane
Wednesday, November 06, 2002
Terrifica to the Rescue
Topping Blogdex today is the story of a woman in NYC who dresses up as a superhero, hangs around bars, and intervenes when women too far into their cups look like they're about to be taken advantage of. I'm such a nerd, I think it's almost cooler that someone's willing to walk around regularly in mask/cape/boots, but what she's doing seems to be good-hearted, if a little odd and maybe heavy-handed and extreme (and I have to admit, I'm still wondering if it's some kind of hoax-- she even has a velvet-wearing "supervillain" counterpart called Fantastico who likes to be a ladies' man). The article states she created the idea of the superhero character after arriving alone in NYC and feeling vulnerable to the advances of men as a single 20-something. Seems like she prefers the single life to dating games:
I find it hard to agree with that last statement, but I'm sure there are at least a few women she's talked to who have avoided some morning-after dread.
"To feel like you have to go to a bar, to put yourself out there, feeling like you have worth only when you're married, engaged, or have a boyfriend, that's weakness," Terrifica says. "People are happiest when they're alone and living their solitary lives."
I find it hard to agree with that last statement, but I'm sure there are at least a few women she's talked to who have avoided some morning-after dread.
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
Lingerie Barbie
The Lingerie Barbie is stirring up a fuss. On the local news last night a furious dad stated he refused to buy the product for his Barbie-loving daughter (it looked like she had just about everything Barbie, including a house) and he was shocked to see it in the FAO Schwarz catalog. I found it odd that there wasn't much focus on the fact that the toy was recommended for 14 year olds and older (his daughter must have been about 7 or so).
I've long been a big UN-fan of Barbie in general, but this new model doesn't bother me so much-- she's kind of just a blatant example of what, to me, Barbie is about anyway. The angry dad on the news was upset about the sexual suggestiveness of the toy, but apparently has no problem letting his daughter play with lots of blonde, unrealistically shaped dolls that promote sexism in a more insidious way. Is this your idea of femininity? I don't want to come down too hard on Barbie dolls. I had one (and only one, and she got pretty beat up) and other dolls as a little girl. But I also had Legos, an electrical circuit experimentation kit, a microscope, etc., etc., and so on. With the Barbie franchise putting out products in the past like a credit card Barbie and a talking Barbie that said, "Math is hard!" it's hard to see how Barbies are supposed to be taken seriously or especially edifying for kids anyway.
I've long been a big UN-fan of Barbie in general, but this new model doesn't bother me so much-- she's kind of just a blatant example of what, to me, Barbie is about anyway. The angry dad on the news was upset about the sexual suggestiveness of the toy, but apparently has no problem letting his daughter play with lots of blonde, unrealistically shaped dolls that promote sexism in a more insidious way. Is this your idea of femininity? I don't want to come down too hard on Barbie dolls. I had one (and only one, and she got pretty beat up) and other dolls as a little girl. But I also had Legos, an electrical circuit experimentation kit, a microscope, etc., etc., and so on. With the Barbie franchise putting out products in the past like a credit card Barbie and a talking Barbie that said, "Math is hard!" it's hard to see how Barbies are supposed to be taken seriously or especially edifying for kids anyway.
Sunday, November 03, 2002
Counselling Teens in (Potentially?) Abusive Relationships
I'm trying to collect some online resources about unhealthy and emotionally abusive relationships. I'm involved in a community forum that seems to have a great deal of teenage girls. I never really took notice before, but ever since they implemented a special topic area for teens, I've been disturbed by the relationships a number of these girls are describing. They are so incredibly desperate and clingy. One, and I'm not exaggerating, went into a panic and blamed herself because she called her boyfriend while he was driving, and the cops started following him. Another, it seems to me, is 6 months away from "he hit me, but I made him so mad and he didn't mean it and he loves me soooo much."
I've found some resources about emotional abuse - symptoms, signs of an abuser, etc. - but while I recognize these characteristics, I'm not sure these girls would. Does anyone have any good resources? Maybe even just on self-esteem, dealing with a cheater, long distance relationships, etc. Preferrably focused on teen relationships.
Thanks in advance!
I've found some resources about emotional abuse - symptoms, signs of an abuser, etc. - but while I recognize these characteristics, I'm not sure these girls would. Does anyone have any good resources? Maybe even just on self-esteem, dealing with a cheater, long distance relationships, etc. Preferrably focused on teen relationships.
Thanks in advance!
Friday, November 01, 2002
Gender Gap: Boys Lagging
This story from 60 Minutes, about the growing trend in girls academically outperforming boys, was brought up by a student in my class recently. It struck me when I heard the story broadcast (I sometimes listen to a television program on the radio), that the performance issue is interesting when one considers that there continues to be a lag in women's earnings. An excerpt from the story:
"Why aren’t boys’ academic problems a bigger issue? “There's a little cultural secret at work here. Boys go out in the work world and earn more money,” says Thompson. “Nobody wants to admit what's happening, which is, 'You girls work very hard, but sorry, ladies, when you get out there, we're not going to pay you equally. And you boys, it's OK. You can loaf through school. You'll get good jobs afterwards.'”
"Why aren’t boys’ academic problems a bigger issue? “There's a little cultural secret at work here. Boys go out in the work world and earn more money,” says Thompson. “Nobody wants to admit what's happening, which is, 'You girls work very hard, but sorry, ladies, when you get out there, we're not going to pay you equally. And you boys, it's OK. You can loaf through school. You'll get good jobs afterwards.'”
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