"Running of the Brides"

This is just embarrassing. When I was getting married, I was on the look out for bargains. I bought my wedding dress at a consignment shop for $200 and was very happy with it. (Just this last year, trying on wedding dresses at Goodwill for my Hallowe'en costume I was admonished by a strange woman that I couldn't buy a used wedding dress. Not that it was any of her business. And not that I hadn't already done it and have had a happy marriage for almost 12 years now. Luck shmuck. You make your own luck) And I understand how someone would want to get a good deal on something that can be outrageously expensive: the wedding dress.

Just now on CNN they showed the above footage of an Atlanta store that offers dresses at something like a 75% discount with brides racing, pushing, and literally screaming as they ran into the store through a banner and I'm sure pushed and pulled frantically to find their "dream dress." The anchors playfully joked about how dangerous the place must have been. Yes, it looked like people were having fun, and there were a couple of grooms in there. In fact, late in the video there is a man running with "swishy" hands screaming and making fun of the whole thing with a big grin on his face. BUT the anxiety clear on the faces of many of the brides shows how seriously they took this event, how important this dress thing is to them. For the majority of the women, it was NOT a laughing matter.

Okay, fine. Let's not focus on our marriage, our spouse to be, but on the dress we'll wear. The issue is somewhat humiliating, and has granted me a rant for the day.

This is all part of the Cinderella syndrome. Even Cathy the cartoon strip is going through the same issue right now-- perpetually worried neurotic Cathy is finally getting married, and very day there's a wedding cliche played out in the comic, supposedly for funny effect. We saw Monica on Friends go insane, (and drive her friends that way too) with a huge scrapbook of the "dream wedding" plans she had been making since she was a little girl. Many women seem to think that on their wedding day everything must be PERFECT and they have to live a fairy tale, or else life is just not worth living. It's a major cause of anxiety and debt.

Is it just me, or is this a really sick precedent? A wedding is a really special moment, but middle-class people spend sometimes as much as 50 grand on weddings-- FOR ONE DAY. It can be just as special for a heckuva lot less money. Don't even get me started on what rich folks pay. Little girls should not be raised with the idea that the most important day of their entire life will be the wedding day. Yes, it's a big event. But I see it as a lot like "The Prom"-- you get a nice dress, you have some nice food and pictures, and the rest of your life and marriage is what is important. The MARRIAGE-- that is what is the most important thing. NOT the dress, the cake, the flowers. Not even the tiara.*

I don't mean to belittle or insult anyone's dreams by any means--but reasonableness really needs to prevail here. For the price of many folks' single day, one can put a substantial down payment on one's first house! Or put aside money for one's children's education! Or even go on a long vacation! To freakin' Europe for weeks!! Andrew bought me my first car with part of the money we could have spent on a fancy wedding. And we still had enough money in bonds to save to buy our first rental property, which we still have invested and is still making us money.

I just can't believe this sort of mindset still exists and is thought to be a quirky human interest story where women race screaming and pushing into a store FOR A DRESS. A Thing. A pretty dress is nice, yes, but you could get married in a pair of cutoff shorts and a sparkly tube top (and if you do, please please please invite me to the wedding.) :) The dress has nothing to do with your marriage; it's a fun part of a fun ceremony, but not something worth devoting this much energy to. I was both embarrassed and saddenend by this story, and the attitude about how women have or have not come so far in the last 30 years.

My wedding probably cost a total of about 5,000, and I had a very nice, small, simple wedding with family & friends. I was very happy with it, and lucky to have a sister who was a catering person who got some great deals on the equipment and prepared all the food for me (which was low-key anyway.) I've been to some extravagant wonderful weddings in my time, and they were really neat. But even those were just one day in the life of the couple. The rest of the days are the important part, and I guess my concluding moral is that if you can't afford the dress of your dreams, perhaps your dreams are beyond your means. My friend with the extravagant wedding could afford to spend more-- she didn't have to belittle herself racing screaming into a store for the amusement of the cameras, standing in line for hours, for a dress at 75% off.

I, with lesser means for the wedding, bought a used dress, not a used husband. The "bad" or "good luck" comes from your choice of mate, not your choice of a dress. (Besides, the wedding dress as we know it is a Victorian custom. It's certainly NOT something that is ageless and timeless. A tradition from the same people who renamed a male chicken "rooster" cause they didn't want to say "cock," and who put skirts on table legs so that one wouldn't become aroused by looking at the feet/legs of your dining set. We really should take all the Victorian traditions to heart. Yeah.)

Don't be part of the running of the brides. (Where, if you check your metaphor, you will realize that the comparison being made here is to the running of the bulls, where the bulls=brides, or a raging mindless animal who is about to be killed on a sword in a bullfight is compared to a bride.) Have some dignity. Plan a wedding within your means, and then focus on getting to know your spouse so that you're not part of the 50% of marriages that end. And for the goddess's sake, save me a piece of wedding cake.

*And for a drag queen crow who loves sparklies like me to say this, you gotta know something is serious. :)

Also published at Kim Procrastinates

Dubya's "He's Hiding" Song

By now you've heard Bush's explanation/excuse for not capturing bin Laden: "He's hiding." But you probably don't know about Dubya's "He's Hiding" Song.

Also, I'm pleased to announce my association with the newly launched HumorGuru.com, a humor magazine featuring eight professional humor columnists writing about every topic imaginable. (My own contributions will range from political satire to personal humor columns.) I hope you'll check it out and help spread the word about this spanking new and very entertaining humor pub.

Some voices of people of faith you may NOT have heard lately

Coming to the revolution a little late but still on time

This is the current From Where I Stand column written by Sister Joan Chittester for the National Catholic Reporter. Last time I posted about Sister Joan was when she was Bill Moyers' guest on NOW last November.

Hers is a powerful voice; an articulate voice; the voice of a person of faith who, remarkably enough these days, is not calling upon a vengeful deity to rain down damnation on all who are foolish enough to veer from the one and only one, true, correct faith that exists, i.e. [insert name of desired One True Religion here]. You know: a rational voice.

The Internet might even be a way to organize national conversations on current issues. We could start, for instance, by asking ourselves spiritual questions about political subjects -- like why it is that we are all so stunned, shocked, dismayed about the 150,000 deaths in Asia from a tsunami but we don't seem to be bothered a bit about the over 100,000 civilian deaths - most of them women and children - which, the Lancet study tells us, have resulted from our own invasion of Iraq?

Read the whole thing.


***

And, via the wonderful Newsfare , the text of a speech given by Dr. Robin Myers at Oklahoma University Peace Rally on November 14, 2004:

Arrogance is the opposite of faith

Let me give you just a few of the reasons why I take issue with those in power who claim moral values are on their side:

--- When you start a war on false pretenses, and then act as if your deceptions are justified because you are doing God's will, and that your critics are either unpatriotic or lacking in faith, there are some of us who have given our lives to teaching and preaching the faith who believe that this is not only not moral, but immoral.

--- When you live in a country that has established international rules for waging a just war, build the United Nations on your own soil to enforce them, and then arrogantly break the very rules you set down for the rest of the world, you are doing something immoral.

--- When you claim that Jesus is the Lord of your life, and yet fail to acknowledge that your policies ignore his essential teaching, or turn them on their head (you know, Sermon on the Mount stuff like that we must never return violence for violence and that those who live by the sword will die by the sword), you are doing something immoral.

--- When you act as if the lives of Iraqi civilians are not as important as the lives of American soldiers, and refuse to even count them, you are doing something immoral.

--- When you find a way to avoid combat in Vietnam, and then question the patriotism of someone who volunteered to fight, and came home a hero, you are doing something immoral.

--- When you ignore the fundamental teachings of the gospel, which says that the way the strong treat the weak is the ultimate ethical test, by giving tax breaks to the wealthiest among us so the strong will get stronger and the weak will get weaker, you are doing something immoral.

--- When you wink at the torture of prisoners, and deprive so-called "enemy combatants" of the rules of the Geneva convention, which your own country helped to establish and insists that other countries follow, you are doing something immoral.

Read the whole thing.


All I can say is: if you need to feel hope, as I do, that it's possible to affect the outcome of world events, then listen to these voices. We may be of many different Christian denominations, or non- Christians, or non-believers, but we can and must stand together against fundamentalist fascist oppressor powers wherever they may be, including the current US administration.

Also posted here.

Demand Accountability From WH Puppet-Parrot Condi Rice

* Scroll down for an update at the end of this post. 01/16/05

On Tuesday January 18, hearings begin re: Condoleezza "I have a PhD so I must be morally superior to you" Rice's confirmation as Secretary of State.

Senator Barbara Boxer [D-California] continues to take a stand for accountability to the American people. Join Sen. Boxer in holding the budding fascist theocratic regime of George W Bush accountable for their actions.

Dr. Rice's confirmation hearing must not be a rubber stamp of President Bush's appointment. The Senate must take its "advice and consent" role seriously.

That's why, as a member of the Foreign Relations Committee, I intend to stand up and ask Condoleezza Rice the tough questions that Americans deserve to have answered. Questions like:

* Why did the United States go to war in Iraq based on misleading -- if not false and fraudulent -- evidence?

* Why did we divert valuable resources and intelligence personnel to Iraq, taking them away from Afghanistan and the pursuit of Osama bin Laden?

* Why did you mislead the American people into thinking there was a connection between Saddam Hussein and Al Qaida before September 11th?

We must hold Condoleezza Rice accountable for her misleading statements leading up to the Iraq war and beyond before we can even consider promoting her to Secretary of State.

Sign the petition.




This post also appears here.

*Update 01/16/05:

In an interview with the Washington Post, President Bush said that Americans ratified his Iraq policy on Election Day 2004.

Later, in a departure from the large-print red crayon text of his prepared remarks, the Preznit Dictator-tot said:

"Hey, we don't have to give anybody any of that accountabilitude crap. Amurca gave me a big thumbs up in the accountabilitosity department on November 2 when every Amurcan man woman and child rose up as one and with a deafening roar of unified approval unanimously voted me Most Totally Super Awesome Leader Ever. Heh. That's me."

He May Want to Marry Mommy, but Her Heart Belongs to Daddy

In her latest op-ed column in the New York Times, Maureen Dowd takes a bit of umbrage with men who marry below their social status--and she has some research to back it up. Overall, the reason seems to be that men are more interested in women who are subordinate to them and will serve them in the same manners that their mommies did.

But aren't women just a bit complicit, and of their own accord, in relationships of this sort? Isn't it a bit much to say that these powerful men of status are swooping in and taking women of lower status for the simple reason that they need a mommy rather than an equal?

Or is it maybe, like Marilyn Monroe once sang, that her heart belongs to daddy (of a sort)? Maybe it has to do with wanting a man who knows a bit more about the world than she does? And could it possibly be that the smart woman on the lower end of the socio-economic scale sees the advantages of marrying a socially better-situated daddy than a boy on her own social level?

Ms. Dowd's opinion also assumes that the women who appear to be lesser because of their social status actually are lesser--in intelligence, motivation, and will--than the powerful men who are proposing. Perhaps she is wrong in this account because she is watching too many movies and not talking with women who have actually done it. There are no statistics to show that the women who marry up, while not necessarily as formally educated as their higher-caliber mates, may actually be as smart as them...just not as credentialed.

It would be important for Ms. Dowd to also note that in much of the working class, whether they be fourth generationers or newly-immigrated, education for women is usually not a priority. Women's primary function still seems to be to bear the babies, cook the dinners and keep the houses for the glory of the men. And, from what I have observed, this has less to do with religious values inasmuch as it does with secular cultural values. In other words, smart women aren't needed in the working classes because they make the men look bad--and it has less to do with what Father So-and-So said in the pulpit than what Pop and Mom thinks at home.

So what's a poor, smart girl to go?

Sure, she can waive the feminist banner of independence, muddle thru, and get a big fancy education--bucking her family and her status on principle because she deserves the education. But if she doesn't know the social mores or the secret handshakes, and doesn't have the network for networking after graduation, she can find herself pretty much back where she started. And worst of all, far less desirable to the men she might have had a sliver of a chance with before she got the big education.

That still leaves the question of what is a smart, educated woman on the lower level of the socio-economic status to do? Perhaps she should set her sights on that perfect Daddy...ditch the Birkenstocks, wear some makeup, take up golf and skiing--and don't forget those old-fashioned family-style values because that well-situated Daddy will (according to Dowd anyway) still want to marry his Mommy.

--Tish G.
(crossposted on Love and Hope and Sex and Dreams where she contemplates her own lack of social status and Daddy fixation on a regular basis)

Women and the Media

That is the title of a sure-to-be fascinating conference taking place in Cambridge, MA, from March 18 through 20. The idea behind the event is best summed up by the event's woman-focused subtitle: "Taking Our Place in the Public Conversation."

Worthy topic, don't you think? Here is the thinking behind the theme of this year's conference, which is being presented and sponsored by the Center for New Words and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Program in Women's Studies: "Tired of what you hear on the nightly news -- and the absence of women sources, speakers, pundits, and subjects? Ready to see progressive women's ideas and lives treated as if we matter? Then don't miss these two days of workshops, keynotes, and connections. From the opening talk to the closing reception, you'll be taking your own place among women determined to change the conversation."

Keynote speakers at the weekend-long event include Medea Benjamin,
co-founder of Code Pink and Founding Director of Global Exchange;
author and journalist Daisy Hernandez; commentator Jill Nelson; and journalist/writer Maria Hinojosa. There is also a distinguished list of featured speakers and panelists including Heather Findlay, editor-in-chief of Girlfriends magazine; Ms. Musings' Christine Cupaiuolo; Alternet senior editor Lakshmi Chaudhry; economist and author Julianne Malveaux; Betsy Reed, senior editor at The Nation; activist Ann Northrop, and many others, including me. Among the media-focused topics of discussion: Lesbian Weddings and Culture Wars; Getting Women Heard - On Air, On-line, On Deadline; Feminists in the Media Reform Movement; and Taking Back the Language: Our Moral Values. If you have an interest in bring more progressive female voices into the national debate over media, government, and values, you won't want to miss this year's offering.

Join us at MIT's Stata Center, won't you? Register via the CNW site. I'll look forward to seeing you there in March.

Have Miscarriage, Go to Jail?

I am so disgusted by this Virginia bill that I am having trouble typing a rational enough entry to get word out. The title is no joke, Republican Delegate John Cosgrove is trying to pass a bill which will essentialy criminalize women for having a sponteneous miscarriage and failing to report such a traumatic and intensely private experience to the police.

Failing to report a miscarriage to the police is to be classed as a class 1 misdemeanor. The article linked to above states:

"Does the punishment fit the “crime”?
Suffering a miscarriage is no crime, but Delegate Cosgrove wants to make it a crime for a woman to fail to violate her own privacy in the first 12 hours after a miscarriage, so let’s look at his proposed penalty.

Cosgrove's bill says, “A violation of this section shall be punishable as a Class 1 misdemeanor.”

Let's see. What other crimes are punishable as Class 1 misdemeanors in Virginia? A cursory Google search reveals just a few...

A person 18 years of age or older engaging in consensual intercourse with a child 15 or older not his spouse, child or grandchild (more commonly known as "statutory rape")

burning or destroying a building or structure if the property therein is valued at less than $200 (arson)

a bomb threat made by someone younger than 15

carrying a concealed weapon while under the influence of drugs or alcohol

possession or distribution of fraudulent drivers’ licenses or official identification

stalking

threatening any public school employee while on a school bus, on school property, or at a school-sponsored activity

purchasing or providing alcohol to minors

So, Delegate Cosgrove is basically saying that failing to violate your own privacy within 12 hours of a miscarriage is the criminal equivalent of statutory rape, arson, stalking, and other serious crimes.

The authorized punishments for convictions for a Class 1 misdemeanor in Virginia are “confinement in jail for not more than 12 months and a fine of not more than $2500, either or both.” "

Please, get the word out, if you know anyone in Virginia, tell them what is trying to be passed and ask them to call their senator. Do not let somehting like this happen in a country that claims to base itself on principles of freedom of individuals.

Right now I have to go talk to my husband, who was lucky enough to get yelled at for trying to make nice conversation with me when I was busy re-living my own miscarriage of a couple of years ago and filled with inarticulate rage at the state of reproductive rights in this country.

Cast a Vote for Blog Sisters

The "Bloggies of the Year" nomination forms have to be in by January 10. Go here and scroll down to "Best Group Weblog" and cast your vote for Blog Sisters. Pass the word around. We deserve it!

There Once Was A Year Named '04

Being a glutton for punishment, I've posted a review of the horror referred to in polite company as 2004. And I introduce it with this limerick:

There once was a year named '04
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a year named '04,
Ruled by Bush and his cronies hard-core.
It's finally ended.
If I could amend it,
I'd show Bush and Cheney the door.

My 2004 year in review is here.

God Bless My Magnetic Ribbon, part deux

Hard to believe, I know, but my drawing talent is actually even worse than my photoshopping skills, so that cartoon I was envisioning in my previous post is never--alas-- gonna be drawn by me. Here's my alternative. *Sigh* You go to blog with the skills you have, not the skills you want or might wish to have.


Thanks, America! Keep 'em coming!

Also posted at Tild~.

God Bless My Magnetic Ribbon

Ha. I knew it was only a matter of time before a site like this popped up. And this site, which is even funnier. My favorite of all the suggested slogans: "More Patriotic Than You".

Any day now I also expect to see a cartoon showing US troops in Iraq "armoring up" their vehicles by applying layer after layer of these idiotic magnetic Support Our Troops ribbons. Jeez, if too many more days go by without seeing that cartoon I'll draw it myself.

And the caption will be: "Gosh! Thanks Mr. Rumsfeld!"

I don’t care if ol’ Dubya’s fibbin’

Long as I got my magnetic ribbon

Ridin’ on the backside of my car

On every mode of transportation

We support our army of occupation

With our ribbon magnets we’ll go far

[Look out, Mad Kane!]



Also posted over here.

Tsunami Mommy

One of the Christmas gifts I got was a long and touching, if somewhat scary, letter from my cousin's wife, Texas Martha Stewart (to clarify for those of you who don't know: she's a super-crafty homemaker and from Texas originally), that I read on Christmas Day. I had interpreted it as slightly negative and "American" (please don't take offense at this generalization, I mean it as the atmosphere created by your evil president) in sentiment as the entire thing was about how fear would plague my life now that I was to be a mom, and how I'd never be able to watch the news or read the newspaper again without thinking, "What if that was my child?"

I scoffed at it at first. I am a cool, urban leftie after all. I usually regard fear and worry with disdain, dismissing them as commercial propaganda, instituted to make you buy more stuff to make you feel safe. This does not mean that I am not neurotic in my own right, as is evidenced in my blog, but that I feel you can't go around being afraid of everything that might happen or you'll never leave your house.

And then the next day, the unthinkable happened. That insane tsunami hit the Indian Ocean and I immediately had all the feelings she mentioned in her note.

I keep thinking of women that are pregnant for the first time and near-due like me, who might have been thrust into nothingness by the angry ocean and never had the chance to realize the dream of being a mother. I've thought of those who have gone into labour in the midst of those horrible conditions. And then I thought of all the mothers out there, who would gladly give up their lives in such a tragedy if it meant saving their children. Wow. The maternal force is a powerful one. We are amazing creatures and sometimes, though unfortunate, it takes tragedies like this to make us realize that.

And yet I stlll managed to find (innapropriate) humour in the whole thing, by joking about how I'm waiting for a tsunami in my underpants so that I'll finally know if I'm in labour or not. Typical. But seriously, when's the last time you even said tsunami before Sunday? I'm here till Thursday folks! Try the meatloaf.

Anyway, I encourage everyone to give a donation, no matter how small, to one of the aid agencies. Even $20 bucks can add up. And really, who can't spare $20? Skip your Grande non-fat lattes for a week and you have no excuse at all.

Dupe-Meister Dub, Time's Madman of the Year

My latest poem about the Social Security scam Bush is trying to pull off is called
Dupe-Meister Dub.

I've also written a poem called
Time's Madman of the Year.

And I've given out a few blogger awards.
Some people are happier with their awards than others.

NOT ONE RED CENT; NOT ONE DAMN DIME

I often leave a comment on a post that's worth making into a post of it's own. As a matter of fact, this post of mine has a bunch of pretty interesting comments accumulating, as we explore the value of the Net effort to get people to stay away from spending any money in retail stores on Inauguration Day as a way to send a message to the Bush administration that we have not changed our minds about how we feel about his policies and procedures.

It turns out there is are two special websites devoted to this effort, where you can sign a petition and leave a comment.
WWW.NOTONEDAMNDIME.COM and WWW.NOTONEREDCENT.COM
Please spread the word if this protest is something that you think is worth joining.

Over on my other post (linked to above), I received a comment from someone named H Boroni, who tried to list the reasons why the Not One Damn Dime boycott effort won't work. This is what I replied:

Well, H Boroni, I guess it all depends on where you're coming from and what you've learned along the way.

1. The NODD Day is a protest statement, meant to call attention to the fact that there are still many, many of us who are enraged by all that the Bush adminstration stands for and has failed to accomplish. Of course not all Americans will join the effort. Not all Americans marched in Washington at various times regarding the Gulf War or the Vietnam war of a woman's right to choose. But the point was made by those of us who did. You're missing the point.

2. The protest is as much to remind people like you as it is to remind the Bushies that half of America does not agree with you all. It is as much to remind the press and the rest of the world. We know that Bush knows. You're missing the point.

3. It's not meant to hurt or help the economy. It's meant to be a visible and newsworthy protest. You're missing the point.

4. Notice that I edited out the statement found in other versions of this call to dissent about "supporting the troops." My support of the troops begins and ends with "bring them home so they don't get killed." That's a whole other issue and doesn't belong, I don't think, in the rationale for this dissenting act. That's my personal point of view.

5. The troops in Iraq are not fighting to protect America. The Iraqis were not the ones who orchestrated and carried out 9/11. The people there hate us and our troops about as much as they hated Saddam. America is more in danger from the actions of Bush than from any actions of the Iraqis.

From my point of view, supporting the current neocon administration is being part of the problem. Urging major governmental overhaul, through protest, dissent, sending emails, writing letters, being intelligently and vocally opposed to the current administration, is being part of the solution, part of the impetus for change. You're missing the point.

To summarize, living in a state of denial, remaining uninformed about the reasons why America is in the mess it's in, is what is stupid. You're missing all the points.

One of my commenters suggested doing an organized spending boycott once a month, on some kind of irregular basis so that the stores can't prepare for the slowdown by telling their hourly workers not to come in.

However it all falls out, on the day the Bush gets inaugurated --Thursday, January 20, stay out of the stores if you oppose what the Bush administration stands for.

OPEN YOUR MOUTH BY CLOSING YOUR WALLET.

A Rather Rambling Introduction From a Newbie

You know, sometimes I just need a break. I know that can be very difficult for parents of "normal" children to understand. I mean you're supposed to love and care for your children with all your heart and soul...24/7...right? Yes. Still there are times I just get really tired and I need a break. That is the reasoning behind the residential respite program here at our local MHMR center. The local mental health clinic. It is a 24/7, nurse on site, professionally staffed residential unit for special needs children. A place for caregivers/parents to take their precious babies, when they just need a break. Like me, like now...this week. A few days to myself to really sleep. Sleep through the night. Ah! I thank God for these services and especially since its covered by Medicaid...its of no cost to me. My precious princess is already familiar with the staff and the facility. She is a favorite! A coupla summers back I was in hospital with heart surgery for several weeks, she stayed there then. So they all know her really well. It was during that time she truly 'blossomed'. Before she went in she didn't speak much at all and I was told it wasn't likely but being there under those circumstances she was forced to speak to get her needs met. There was no doting mommie catering to her every whim. I know, my bad, but what did I know then of autism? Nothing not in comparsion to now a few years later. So we've utilized the respite program since then for much less intensive stays. A few days now and again, so Mommie can get some rest. Princess, that's my pet name for her online, is 6 year old. She is very intelligent. She is very loving. She is a ball of boundless energy. She is my one true love. Now she can communicate fairly well. She goes to a regular school, although she's been held back to kindergarten, not first grade. This is not due to her not being capable of the work, she reads at a 3rd grade level, its more to do with socialization. Her major areas of ...er..concern...communication and social interaction. Most people do not even realize she is 'special' until after they've talked with her for several minutes. She is so beautiful. She is my love. Okay, I'll stop gushing. Its just the two of us and I've no real support system anymore..no family, few friends, so the respite program is my saving grace. Especially during school breaks. She is rather habituated to her school schedule so when she's off..our schedules get wrecked. Mommie doesn't get much sleep. Then there are the night terrors too. Sorry, its been a long day I hope at least some of this has made sense.
I thought this might make for a kinda introduction to my fellow 'blog sisters'. I hope to get caught up on this blog, its an interesting concept.
Season's Greetings and Howdy from Texas!
Cyn

Secularism and Political Correctness

My last blog entry seems to have rankled alot of readers. And alot was completely misunderstood.

In the comments Arjun made a salient point, and one that I did not make all that clear, but what I also believe. This country, while founded by those who expressed personal faith, was indeed meant to be a secular country to protect the rights of those who did not follow the same faith as those in political power. Secularism does indeed protect the rights of those who wish to have faith as much as it protects the rights of others not to have faith. And a claim of faith should never be used as a means to manipulate the political system.

And I never said I did not support secularism. I have benefitted greatly from the openness of secularism because it has allowed me to experiment with various belief systems. And I don't think I said anything about the rightness of having displays on town hall lawns. That is something that was read into what I said. Because of the diversity of faiths, and that town hall is for everyone, having displays on town hall lawns isn't necessarily appropriate. It isn't necessarily an issue of taxpayer money in that it is that town hall represents everyone, no matter what faith, that lives within the town.

But I would also like to point out the possible rationale behind the decoration of town halls; something that begain sometime in the late 20th century. While I do not have the research and cannot quote the gentleman who did the research on holiday displays, including the original display in Woodward and Lothrop's department store in Philadelphia in the late 19th century, I think the reason that town halls started to have displays was a combination of cold-war fears of "godless communism," of a desire to be more INCLUSIVE of catholic traditions, and a desire on the part of catholic politicians (Irish and Italian) to bring their traditions into the public sphere.

The lack of holiday decorations prior to the late 19th century did not have as much to do with secularism as it had to do with the hard-line protestant belief that there should be absolutely no decorations for the holidays, that this was pagan, idolatrous and had nothing to do with being devout. Most hard line protestants also believed in working thru holidays because idleness left one open to the wiles of Satan and that to truly worship God one should always be industrious.

It was catholics, working with burgeoning labor unions, who rallied to have Christmas off. So, we can thank liberal lefty socialist catholics of the early 20th century for giving us a day (or more) off in December.

The worlds of the 18th, 19th and early 20th centuries, though, were very different from ours today. I don't think the average american in the any of those eras could have imagined that they might be living next door to a buddist, have a doctor who is a practicing hindu, and be best friends with a muslim from Pakistan. It couldn't be anticipated. The most differences they had to deal with were those between mainline protestant denominations, caltholisim, and judaism.

Because there weren't other non-wester faiths present in the U.S. for most of its history, catholics and jews were the targets of discrimination. Betsy's quote from James Madison was actually a direct attack on catholics--I am familiar with that work of Madison's. When Madison speaks of "clergy" he is speaking of catholics, as most protestants of that time did not call their minsters and governing bodies "clergy." Madison (and John Adams and his son John Quincy)was a rabid anti-catholic as were most Massachusetts politicians--and this anti-catholicism was the result of their protestant hatred of those NOT protestant, not because they had been oppresed by catholics in this country. For the most part, most colonial leaders were anti-catholic as much as they were suspicious of quakers and of methodists. Most jews were tolerated because they lived, for the most part, in New York, and did not openly display or compete with the pervading protestant ethos. But they did not hold any political power either, in part because of their beliefs and the suspicions Englsih protestants held about jews.

The discrimination against catholics and jews continued even into the administration of Franklin Roosevelt. In his latest book, Michael Benchloss (sp?) quotes FDR as saying that both catholics and jews were living in the U.S. under sufferage, and were not entitled to the same rights as protestant americans.

So much for the inclusiveness and secularism of some of the founding fathers and modern politicians.

My complaint, however, is NOT with secularism, but with political correctness. These are two different concepts. Political correctness tells people that they must *never* speak of matters of faith because it may offend someone somewhere. That means *any* faith or belief system, although some belief systems are more fashionable than others in p.c. circles. By discouraging open discussion of any faith, political correctness promotes shame and discourages dialogue and experimentation. Because we are not allowed to speak to one another and are shamed into believing we are awful people for having faith, we risk living in ignorance of other faiths and cultures. This can only work to encourange distrust and hatred among people--not acceptance and inclusiveness as others claim.

Personally, I used to believe in p.c.ness until I attended Smith. In a philosophy class, myself and two jewish students were admonished because we would not accept white guilt the way that James Baldwin explained it in "The Fire Next Time". The three of us explained that we were not white in the way that Baldwin discussed whitness--their grandparents had been Holocaust survivors, and my mother's family had been routinely terrorized by the KKK in the 1920's because of our Italian Catholic heritage. We were not quite the same shade of white as our protestant classmates--but our professor would not hear of it. Political correctness told us to just shut up and be white--even if we weren't and had suffered as much, if not more, because of it.

It is this kind of negative political correctness that has pushed many formerly liberal catholics into the hands of the right wing. And this is quite dangerous, as many "christians" on the right still adamantly believe as Madison did that catholics are evil, that they are pope-worshippers and idolators and do not deserve to have a voice in the american political scene. Most catholics who support right-wing causes don't even know that the right-wing will eventually quote FDR back to them and shut them out of the political process. They do not even realize that the agendas forwarded by the right wing as "family friendly" are not in keeping with what most catholics believe. But, because of the fear and intolerance promoted by the politically correct left, it has left many, many catholics with no other political choice. Some of us, though, still rally around Mario Cuomo and men of reasoned faith and stay with liberalism even though it wants to stand on an emotional polticial correctness that pooh-poohs us and wants, too, to push us aside.

But there is a need to acknowledge that this particular holiday season occurs in this country because many people have a belief system that says there is something special about this time of year--that we are not just using the cold winter months as a reason to go on a capitalist spending spree to bolster our flagging economy, which is what it looks like these days. Furthermore, wrongheadded political correctness should not hide behind the banner of secularism in an effort to make people feel ashamed of their desires to celebrate the holidays--whether it is Christmas, Channukah, Ramadan or Diwali. (and if I spelled any of those wrong, please forgive me...just don't have the dictionary handy). Being reasoned and secular often has little to do with the overly-emotional and oppresive political correctness we see today.

--Tish G.

cross posted on Love and Hope and Sex and Dreams

Have Yourself a Merry Little Whatever

Last night the CBS Evening News aired an interesting little tidbit about the effects of political correctness on how Christmas is celebrated in the U.S.

Pastor Patrick Wooden (can't remember the church and the video feed would not load as of this a.m) noticed that many stores advertise "Holiday Sales" but no one really knows what the "holiday" is. He is urging his congregation to shop for Christmas at stores that advertise Christmas sales. Pastor Wooden feels that we are forgetting why we even have a holiday season and would like his congregation to remember.

The report continued to bring up some salient points regarding how we view the holidays at this time in history. One comment made noted that for those coming into this country, not stating what the holiday is creates a bit of confusion. I know something of this from years of living in Central New Jersey, where there is a high concentration of new immigrants from India. In my conversations with them, I found that many wanted to know the roots of American holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some were familiar with Christmas if they had attended Catholic schools in India (yes, they exist in certain parts of the continent), but were still curious to know how the holiday fit into the American scheme of things. And how religious thinking shapes what it is to be American.

When we deny what makes us uniquely American, we deny others the opportunity to know who we are and what we are about. As it stands now, all most immigrants can understand about Christmas is Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and the Grinch--two entertainment concepts that have existed only in the past 40 years and do not truly represent what the Holiday Season is about.

There was also another comment, by an advocate for the separation of church and state, who agreed that political correctness has gone too far. Yet what this gentleman later said contradicted what he initially asserted. He made a point to note how many people had been "hurt" by Christmas and Christianity.

But do we have to atone for what happend centuries ago? And is re-hashing the wrongs of the European Middle Ages and the Renaissance make sense to us in America?

Yes, we can remember the evils of slavery and the biblical justifications for it--but we should also remember that Dr. Martin Luther King was a Christian minister, and we should also remember how many white protestants put their lives on the line, and the three who died, during the civil rights struggle of the 1960's. And how a Roman Cathoic president and his brother supported this movement.

Yes, we can remember the genocide against the Indians. But this genocide had more to do with capitalism and economics--and land grabbing--than it did with Christianity.

And yes, we must remember the Holocaust of the 20th Century-- because there are so many who still suffer the effect of the Holocaust, and there are others who still want to say Hitler was an okay guy. But if you look into the motivations for the Holocaust, what moved Hitler and his minions had more to do with pagan idolatry and nationalism than it did with Christianity. Hitler's SS wore skulls and lightening bolts and snappy black uniforms--they were more fashionable and secular than they were devout.

But we should also think about how dwelling on the evils of centuries past has created genoicide in the late 20th and early 21st century. We should be reminded that it was the ideas of past wrongs done to Christians by Muslims that spurred on the genocide in Bosnia. It was wrongs "remembered" by the Hutus that caused the genoicde in Rwanda. It is wrongs anticipated and recalled that undergirds the genocide in the Sudan.

If we dwell on the past in a p.c. effort to make others feel good, we could be planting the seeds of ethinic cleansing in our own time.

We cannot constantly be atoning for the evils of other centuries and other peoples whose beliefs and modes of thinking have not directly shaped way we live and think at this time in history. We have progressed beyond the Middle Ages, the Renaissance, the Colonial Era in America. But when we dwell in the past and constantly beat our breasts with white guilt mea culpas, we gut our idenities of any siginificance, reduce who we are and what our holidays are to nothing more than empty exercises in mass consumption. We look like spiritually empty fools to other cultures that still value spiritualty. And, in a strange way, because American values have such far reaching tenticles, we manage to sew the seeds of ethinic cleansing in other cultures and countries far removed from where we live.

So, I, unapologetically, would like to wish all of you a peaceful and merry Christmas.

(originally posted on Tish G's blog Love and Hope and Sex and Dreams)

Rox the Vox, Your Newest Administrator

Here I am, back with the up-to-the-minute, live coverage of the unfolding shakeup at blog sisters, after Elaine determined that she had a life outside of weblogging--huh? Maybe we should check out that concept.

Later.

Now, I'd like to introduce you to the latest administrator of Blog Sisters, transforming the duo of Andrea (who also vomited recently!) and Jeneane into a trio once again: Roxanne Cooper.

Roxanne is the proprietress of Rox Populi, where she writes about politics, feminist issues, pop culture and travel. She's been blogging since March 2004 and has been a member of Blogsisters for almost as long.

In her "civilian" life, she is the director of sales & marketing for a media trade association. She initially started blogging to better understand the medium and is fascinated by the viral nature of trends.

Bucking the cat-blogging phenomenon, Roxanne makes her home in Washington, DC, where she lives with her husband and two dogs.

Roxanne will be responsible for verifying and registering new bloggers to the site. Joining Andrea and me, Roxanne will help us sift through the updating of bios, the ladies who haven't been added to the blogroll since joining (email me a reminder), and I'm sure she'll add some surprises to the site, which we could sure use at our ripe old age.

I'm leaving open the option of adding an additional administrator or two down the road to divide the duties, depending upon how busy we get and how much we decide to do to update the site and add some piss and vinegar.

Thank you to ALL the many women we heard from wanting to help out in Elaine's stead. There will be opportunities. Right now, though, I want to regain my own focus on blog sisters, where we've been, and where we're headed.

Congratulations to Rox, and to each of you for your great writing. This is your weblog, you make it sing, and we will do our best to better maintain and improve the blog in the coming new year so that your experience here is a great one.

And Elaine: Respect.

-jeneane

The Bitch is Back

Yes, I know. When one's esteemed colleague and weblog president steps down, it would behoove the CEO to say a few words to the team.

Except that I've been throwing up, or wiping up throw up, for four days. Stomach flu.

Sorry for my tardiness at arriving here to say to Elaine, thank you Crone and Friend, for going more than a few rounds with me literally and figuratively both in the larger blogworld and especially here at blog sisters. Not everyone knew, but Elaine was always behind the scenes keeping things as up to date as possible and communicating with the women wishing to join, unjoin, conjoin, rejoin, and the like.

I am currently reviewing folks who've emailed me and said they'd like to help out. A decision and announcement are forthcoming. I would love to tell you that this is scientific and that there's a methodology and order to the process.

That would be a lie. The truth is that I have more vomit to clean off the carpet, that I'll do my best to choose the right person, and that I appreciate everyone's emails--especially the ones I haven't responded to--offering help.

The other truth is that I rarely hesitate to do what I think is right.

It's a new era for Blog Sisters, I congratulate all of you for writing your behinds off over here, which got us noticed by Time, and more importantly, by women looking for a place to exercise their voice online.

Onward and upward we go. Please be patient, keep writing, and pass the Lysol.

Blog Sisters in the News

Peeking in for my morning read of the smart & insightful Lauren at Feministe,* I discovered this morning that Blog Sisters was recently featured in Time Magazine's article "10 Things We Learned About Blogs"-- part of the Person of the Year issue!

This wonderful cooperative site featuring women, run by women, written by women, has made at least someone on a "national stage" notice! The article's blurb on Blog Sisters states:

Most Bloggers Are Women
Men may have taken the lead in the early (read: geeky) days of blogging, but that's not the case now. According to a survey of more than 4 million blogs by Perseus Development, 56% were created by women. More bad news for the boys: men are more likely than women to abandon their blog once it's created. Call blogging a 21st century room of one's own.

So if you're ever wondering if the writing we do here gets noticed, or if women's contributions are ever really valued, (after yet another of those "where are all the female bloggers" articles comes out), take heart. Somebody out there has noticed. As if you needed to be told, what we do matters.

And if you're at a loss for what they meant by "a room of one's own" then here's my enlightening bit of trivia for the day (although trivia is a bad word for it because it implies unimportant, which this piece is far from.) It's a reference to Virginia Woolf's essay that argues, for one, that in order for a woman to write, she needs "500 pounds and a room of one's own, with a door, and a lock." In other words, financial independence and privacy. The essay has been pivotal for women's studies for a long time; there have even been wonderful performances of it that bring the words to life in a voice much like we imagine Woolf would have used. I highly recommend it; it is quite readable, and gives you much to think about. I even have a speech that I gave at a Professional Women Writers' meeting that muses on the idea (along with some others). Food for thought.

Blogging gives women a voice, and while many may dismiss much of what women write as "just journaling" or "not important political writing" they are wrong. It doesn't matter what you're saying-- just keep saying it!

*In a way that shows the collaborative nature of blogging-- it's usually a conversation between people, and often we find out new things from other women writers that we wouldn't have known on our own.

Heart Disease and sore bellies

Hello,
It's been a long time since I commented here. In that time I moved from Massachusetts to California. Economically this has been a very good move.

Today I read a piece of evidence I had read before, that of how isolation from the community contributes to disease, psychicly. The specific reference is G. A. Kaplan, et al.,
"Social connections and morality from all causes and from cardiovascular disease: perspective evidence from Eastern Finland", American Journal of Epidemiology, 1988; 128: 370-80, as presented in Lynne McTaggart's, The Field the Quest for the Secret Force of the Universe. Once again I am reminded that my isolation is not good for me.

During the late Sixties and early Seventies I was busy with my mate making alternative culture. Some part of me wishes we had kept the 80 acre farm we owned in Wisconsin for three years. Poverty clouds the perception of choices. After reading most of the way through McTaggart's book, I wonder how much other people's expectations of me have clouded and hampered my movement toward success.

My journey has been one of Spiritual seeking, and paranormal investigations. I returned to college/university life after being evaluated for disability by the Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission, to whom I am very grateful for their support and guidance. So far I have not been able to capitalize on my degrees as economic forces conspire to channel me into the work they were trying to educate me away from. I'm sure some of you know the problems we are facing in America of talent and knowledge being wasted for all time through mismanagement of personnelle. Some of it is the result of direct gender prejudice. With all the proofs that remote healing and remote viewing effect people no matter what the distance, gender prejudice that holds one person back may be attempted murder by psychic involvement in negative stereotypes.

Right now we are experiencing the White Guy revival. I suspect even some blue White Guys are happy with Ah-mold. Poor Maria! Because of my university training, I have learned there are Guys, and White Guys, and that has nothing to do with ethnicisity. A dose of pigmentation in the skin does not exclude one from being a White Guy. White Guys are a cultural attitude. The predominant attitude is that White is Right and no other way measures up. White Guys believe everyone else is inferior and only they know how to run a world. Condi Rice is trying to be a good White Guy, but guess what? She'll never make it in the end.

White guys want to make Social Security profitable for them. They want to take away a woman's choice about birth. They want all their special friends to get the perks. They want us to shut up and go along.

I don't blame them for anything. We're letting them get away with murder.

So, back a few years I took personal responsibility for my life. I began to work on my attitudes and beliefs. I found a lot of closet cleaning to do. I found a lot of attic work, and cellar storage molded bad. I worked with personal affirmations and applied psychic protection to block negative thought forms like racial (I'm part American Indian), sexist, and gender discrimination. I started to study other people and give them what they wanted for the money. More and more I learned they don't care as much about what you can deliver in product or service as they do about you and me performing the correct "role" as they see it. Most people will allow poor performance resulting in money lost simply to be with someone they're more culturally comfortable with. Playing this game has disrupted my psyche. I suffer from a stomach problem now. I am seeing it as a connection to living the lie of the respectable fit into place cog. When I get there my artwork drops off, I don't go to as many Pagan drum and dance circles, which are fun. I don't do my morning and evening prayers as much. Seems the ripples of the cosmos want me a certain way, and that living that certain way is the most harmonious thing I can do. I must search out meaningful connections where I am now, or the disruption of my waves will continue. Being true to myself is inescapable. The economic side of my life was helped greatly by my attention to my intention, now I find that I must ignore the pressures of the White Guy world (no more negative television!), and begin to intend my direction into that which will create greater healing within me. As I work through this time of isolation, I must keep my focus on the good things of my life and do unto others what they have done unto me, dismiss them from my thinking (aka living rent free in my head). The trick is to dismiss them in a loving way so that negativity does not come back to me threefold.

There! Now I'm back in the Blog Sisters.

Robin Marie Ward

WANTED: A NEW REGISTRAR FOR BLOG SISTERS

Back in March of 02, when I was a lot, lot younger, I joined Blog Sister founder Jeneane Sessum's exciting bandwagon and took on the job of registering new Blog Sister members and putting them on the blogroll. That was before. Before my almost-89-year old mom, of whom I give/take care, began to become increasingly befuddled. Before I had a grandson with whom I really like to visit. Before the bad guys won (well, that's a whole other predicament, isn't it.)

My Medicare card arrived in the mail last week. I've discovered that it's true that the older you get, the quicker time goes by. So, with this post, I am submitting my resignation as registrar of Blog Sisters.

I have a list of emails from women who want to join to which I haven't responded. The blogroll is terribly behind the times. I can't keep up, and I'm putting a call out for a Sister who might have the time, energy, and interest, to

-- be the contact for membership inquiries
-- serve as an administrator of the Blog Sister's site
-- respond to the inquiries by logging into the template and sending out the invitations to join
-- enter the new Sisters into the blogroll

Anyone interested should either leave a comment on this post or contact either Jeneane at ewriter@bellsouth.net or our blog "techie" Andrea James at roceal@jngm.net. One of them will have to select the new registrar and provide the instructions for how to do the job. At some point, it also would be a good idea to contact existing members and see who's still out there and still interested. There are quite a few who haven't posted in a long while.

So, until there's someone to take over, new memberships are on hold. My apologies to those whose inquiries are still sitting in my inbox. If I can get to them, I will. Otherwise, I will pass them along when someone steps up to the plate.

Keep in mind that it's not that being registrar is a lot of work; it's rather these days my life is all work and no play. I need more play.

And so it goes.

One More Good Reason To Workout

When I was sweating through my crunches and squats and abductor lifts this morning, I was thinking about how much fun it is to work out when you have a new lover and every effort you make working out, will give that person something lovely to look at in bed.

Even if you don't have a new lover, the idea that you can workout hard, basically getting ready for one that might just drop into your lap, so to speak, is a helluva motivation. Hit the gym folks.

Homeless life span short, sickly

A study conducted by researchers in Seattle offers some new insight into who the homeless are and what ails them. I realize we think we are already know who the homeless are. The panhandler in front of Safeway or Trader Joe's who will curse you out if you don't hand over some money. The 'rider' who can clear the gathering at a bus stop just by showing up sans bath and deodorant. The stereotypical drunken Indian you step over or walk around to get where you're going. Some of us have factual information about the homeless. We know there is a correlation between being homeless and a former ward of the foster care system, or a military veteran, or low level employee, such as a security guard. The researchers delved deeper by looking into one of the most telling aspects of a person's life: what he or she dies from.

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer has the story.

SEATTLE, Wash. -- The average homeless person in King County died prematurely at age 47, and most likely suffered from alcohol or substance abuse, a new study found.

Some homeless people had as many as eight health problems but the average was three, said the study released Monday by Public Health-Seattle & King County, which reviewed 77 deaths that occurred last year.

Roughly two-thirds of the dead had a history of alcohol or substance abuse, more than half suffered from cardiovascular disease and a quarter had a mental-health problem, the study said.

The most common cause of death was acute intoxication, followed by cardiovascular disease and homicide. More than half of the deaths occurred outside, the study said.

It is estimated that about 8,000 people are homeless each night in King County.

Having spent more time than I should have at a blog dominated by Right Wingers this year, I been told over and over again that poverty either does not exist in the United States, or, that those mired in hopelessness deserve to be. The results from the King County study reveal the interplay that makes escape from the worst kind of poverty impossible for many of those caught in the cycle. To acquire a job, housing and consistent health care, a person needs to be at least moderately functional. Many homeless people aren't because of their ill health. Their addictions make a difficult situation a futile one.

Dr. Alonzo Plough, director and health officer for public-health agency, said the study reveals the complex health challenges faced by homeless people as they struggle to survive.

"It reflects the harshness of life on the streets and in shelters, inadequate access to health care, enormous human suffering and loss," Plough said in a statement.

Though the study is not large, and is localized to the most populous county in Washington state, its findings are similar to those elsewhere in the U.S. The lives of the street dwellers seem to have changed little despite our progress as a technological society. Seattle in 2004 could be Charles Dickens' London of 1804. Life on the margins is still short, sickly and brutish.

Note: This entry also appeared at Mac-a-ro-nies.

Upstart Egalitarian David Takes On Matriarchal Goliath

I was so peeved by Eve Ensler's recent appearance on The Jane Pauley show, and her continual insistence that all of women's problems have to do with "The Patriarchy," that I wrote a rather scathing indictment of Ensler's position.

I thought of posting it here, but realized that some of y'all might not want to read it, so it is over on my own little blog.

But I'm hardly an addle-brained heterosexual enthralled to a man. Quite the contrary...I'm the product of Smith College (highest honors, yadda-yadda-yadda) and of an Italian Matriarchal Dynasty. I was excommunicated from the Matriarchal Dynasty because I went to College. Go figure. So much for Matriarchy.

Overall, my feelings are if Patriarchy is so bad, what makes some people think Matriarchy will be any better?? Any "archy" is probably going to be repressive or oppressive to *someone,* so why repeat the mistake?

Women and Men are complimentary-- it seems to work better when we cooperate and have a great sense of humor about it all.

--Tish G.

P.S....if anybody can tell me how I can list myself on the sidebar, and have my sig on the bottom of my posts, please email me a clue :)

Political Poems & an Ode to Starbucks

I've gone political poetry mad, with new poems about Dubya's Homeland Security Secretary nominee Bernie Kerik, the GOP's no-time-to-read-just-vote insanity, Halliburton's latest screwup, and the infamous privacy invasion tax clause.

Plus, in a time-out from politics, I wrote an Ode To Starbucks.

DOMINANCE?

I'm still taking time out, to devote time and energy to the "other" things in my life, but the familiar yearnings are stirring, the faint longings for some Dominant authority are here.

Compartmentalizing my life into pigeonholes, in order to best manage this interest and not pay too high a cost in my well-ordered world, is an imperative. It does not overlap into any other part of my existence, like a foreign and separate thing; I must mentally and emotionally journey to "this place" in order to partake of it, play, scene, experience. Unlike many I know, I'm just not willing to confuse my worlds...nor am I willing to make any changes. It is, at times, dissociative. I wonder at that. What price, this lifestyle? What cost, my kink?

The vanilla ones I've confessed to -- I've lost ground. I can feel the chasm widening, the invisible divide yawning and separating, cementing into a permanent crack. It is the silent withdrawing that comes from being different. I see it and can do nothing more than watch. How do I let J know that I miss her, that I am becoming invisible, that she moves with different tides and that it can't ever be the same? Like seeking out like isn't what I'd imagined for lifetime friendships. If I'm honest, though, it isn't JUST my kink....

One foot in, one foot out, I find it harder going when the worlds collide. Compartmentalizing it seems a less chaotic way of experiencing it all. None of my "kinky" friends crossover into my non-kink world...and vice versa. Except James.

Ah, James...

He is simultaneously, confusion, an aggravation, a frustration, an outlet, a lover, friend...Dominant? Disciplinarian? I wasn't prepared for him or his presence in my life. Foolish me. But no matter how uneasiliy I allow him access into all my worlds....He is a a gift. My gift...I belong to him, naturally, easily, fluidly...even though that knowledge dismays me.

I cannot imagine a world without Him.

Odd that one so easy going, polar opposites to my fiery and intense nature...He has the ability to bring me to heel without being the Ogre Dominant (that which I despise and loathe and cannot respect nor submit to). Without crushing me or my spirit, He has managed to provide the barest of fences for me. I am not an easy submissive soul. I am....at times...impossible.

I wasn't prepared for anyone, reluctantly acknowledging this kink even to myself...grudgingly accepting and anguishing over my need, creating vulnerable need. Polyamory or infidelity, whatever. There are no adequate labels. I know that I am lucky, to have two intelligent, strong souls...loving me. Each, so very different, laying claims to different parts of me. One anchors me while the other sets me free. I make no apologies -- both know of the other, each support and encourage and accept the limits I have.

I am lucky.

It shouldn't surprise me to have what I need, to be my own determinant. I cannot make apologies for the gaps in my life, my hubris which allows me to grab for those things forbidden and unsafe. I find, in my fettered ties....I am free. Without compromise, without apology, without second thoughts. Simply, I am an inconvenient woman. Yet, I am free. However, with that freedom comes a price tag -- and I will spend forever paying my debt to both. It is enough?

For over two years now, I've been challenged by James -- it has never been easy to love me, nor me to love in return. Need is not a word that sits well in my lingo. There are days when I feel the burdensome weight of it all, like Atlas carrying the weight of the world on his broad shoulders. I have, by turns, spurned, denied, tested fences, dared, challenged, behaved outrageously. I have come undone. In this one laid back soul, I have perhaps, met my Dominant equal? Even if my direct cognitive brain seeks an outwardly Dominant Authoritarian, perhaps, the one I seek would have broken me or failed me by now....

Well-read soul that I am, I keep looking and checking for the similiarities of my story to...anyone else's. Trite, that. He has never stepped on me, crushed me, broken me, even though, perversely, I try to get him to. Control is an interesting game. Have I been underestimating this all along?

Perhaps the Dominance I seek...isn't so readily packaged nor recognized, brand-labelled? Perhaps, Dominance, at least what works for me, cannot be brutal, overpowering, direct....perhaps, it is quiet, reasonable but implacable, rational, calm? I don't have many rules, yet I sought them out, wondering why He won't provide me with what I 'know' is a standard expectation in the kink?

Is it Dominance, to be ruled and tamed by the heart, rather than the lash? Is respect first gained from the heart -- outward? Can one tame with a soft word, a look? Can one be humorous, gentle, loving -- and still be Dominant to...ME?

Couch Potato Nation

Believe it or not, according to the jounal Science, and reported in The New York Times today, a study of 909 women in Texas proves unequivocally that women in general are most happy when they are watching TV by themselves.

Excuse me, but I don't think a study of 909 bored and possibly neurotic women in Texas should be held as the benchmark and bellweather for the rest of us in the Nation.

I'm off to have a hot chocolate and listen to some Italian jazz--and maybe move to Canada.

*Please note: an entry similar to this (although a bit more tart) appears at Tish G's blog

Gregoire to challenge 42-vote 'win'

Democrat Christine Gregoire would like to challenge a ballot recount that gave opponent Dino Rossi the governorship of Washington with a 42-vote margin. That means she must raise $700,000 as a deposit on another recount of at least some districts. If discrepancies are found in selected districts, that will trigger a statewide recount.

Gregoire must make an official request for a recount by 5 p.m. Friday. About 9.2 million votes were cast in the race Nov. 2.

The Olympian reports.

"Our goal is to have a statewide recount. . .the trick is raising money. If this happens tomorrow and we have to raise $700,000 by Friday, it presents a challenge," Gregoire spokesman Morton Brilliant said Monday in Seattle.

He said the organization has less than half the money needed.

Brilliant did not specify how much money is in hand, but said: "We are raising money for a hand recount right now. . .These are a lot of small donors coming in now."

Secretary of State Sam Reed and Gov. Gary Locke, a Democrat, will certify the elections results today. That will initiate a process that allows the person on the short end of a very close contest to request a recount. The previous recount was automatic and the costs were covered by the state. Gregoire will pay for the new recount if it occurs.

. . .When Reed certifies the election results, Rossi will become the state's governor-elect, but the title might not be as significant as it usually is.

"With the race this close, one thing I've made clear to the Rossi folks is that it doesn't really mean a whole lot, because we expect a recount," Reed said.

So many voters. Such a small margin. How did it happen? Rossi, who is anti-abortion and quite far to Right on other issues, has downplayed his conservatism. In 2003, Rossi earned a 100 percent rating from the Washington Conservative Union (www.washcon.org). Like former candidate Jack Ryan of Illinois, he relies on a pleasant demeanor and hints at moderation to enhance his electability. His reputation, as a self-made millionaire in real estate and budget wizard, may also have impressed some voters. Gregoire may have been hurt by her gender. There are still voters who will favor a man over a woman in electoral politics. She was doubtlessly harmed by the higher than usual turnout by voters who oppose gay marriage, and, voted Republican. Some also say she ran a low-key campaign, not touting her achievements enough.

The Associated Press cites a more direct reason why Gregoire trails -- write-in votes from Democrats for other candidates.

SEATTLE -- If Christine Gregoire officially loses the race for Washington governor her supporters might blame 502 voters in King County who wrote in Ron Sims.

The King County executive lost to Gregoire in the primary. His supporters may not have known that a candidate who loses in the primary cannot be a write-in candidate in the general election.

The write-ins disclosed by the county also show 40 votes for Gary Locke, who is not seeking a third term. His wife Mona got one vote.

Other write-ins included Phil Talmadge with 28 votes, Mike the Mover with nine votes, Edgar Martinez with nine, Norm Rice with six, Donald Duck with six votes, Ralph Nader with five, Alice Cooper with two and God with two votes.

Neither Nader nor God drained away enough votes in King County to make a difference. But, 502 ineligible votes for Ron Sims may cost Gregoire the election.

Reasonably related

The Seattle Times describes the transformation of Dino Rossi's image from hardcore conservative to moderate.

Update

As of Dec. 1, Democratic Candidate Christine Gregoire is soliciting donations for the recount through the national party. The online donation site is here.


Note: This entry also appeared at Mac-a-ro-nies.

Have a happy Buy Nothing Day

Today, Friday November 26, the day after Thanksgiving, traditionally one of the biggest shopping days of the year, is also Buy Nothing Day in the US. In the UK, Buy Nothing Day will be on Saturday the 27th.

• Be at the mall early to be at the front of the shopper stampede when the shops open? Nope.
• Go to your favorite online sites and use your holiday discount coupons for a pre-emptive Xmas shopping strike? I don't think so.
• Stand in line at the local big box electronics store for the latest big hype toy/game/movie release, and then afterwards go for the Starbucks grande vanilla latte? Nuh uh.
  

The release of the new movie Christmas With the Kranks, based on the John Grisham bestseller Skipping Christmas, is another manifestation of the growing trend towards simplification and especially away from the overweening commercialization of the Christmas season. It's kind of at cross purposes, tho...

"OK, here's the pitch: we take this huge Grisham bestseller about rejecting the over-commercialization and mindlesss consumerism of Christmas and we make it into a big holiday-season film with millions earmarked for ads so millions will shell out 8$ apiece to see it. Yeah! That's the ticket!"

Here's an assignment for you. Compare and contrast these two news stories on Yahoo today:

Some Americans trim more than the tree


Bargain shoppers get early holiday start


OK, now answer me this: Am I just delusional, or did anybody else notice that the majority, almost all of the 'simplify' stories and examples in the first story came from Blue states?
And practically all of the 'shopping frenzy' quotes and examples in the second story came from Red states? [Or, if not in a Red state, then from a Wal-Mart in a Blue state?]

Hmmmm. What can we conclude from this, moral values-wise?


Being together with loved ones, not buying things, is the true spirit of Christmas?

Or:

If you don't spend enough on Christmas presents, you'll make baby Jesus cry?


Happy BND everybody.

This post also appears here.

Eat turkey if you like

It is almost Thanksgiving. That means it is time for a yearly rite. No, not buying cranberry sauce. The tradition I refer to is one begun by the animal rights movement. Each year about this time, animal rights organizations publish claims that eating turkey is injurious in one way or another. Their objective is, of course, to persuade the public that they should decide what other people can eat. Turkeys would be excluded from the list they would email us, I gather. Maybe we would be allowed lobster on our birthdays, though. This material is typical of the trend.

Press release from D.E.L.T.A. Rescue:

You're Eating Cats and Dogs for Thanksgiving!

GLENDALE, Calif., Nov. 22, 2004 -- As millions of Americans feast this Thanksgiving, they have no idea what their turkey ate before ending up in the supermarket.

It is unimaginable to consider that our holiday main course may have been fed the bodies of dead pets, but according to actor and animal welfare activist Leo Grillo, rendered animals end up in the feed lots of the nation's livestock and poultry industry.

Rendering is the gruesome practice of "cooking" the bodies of euthanized pets from animal shelters, veterinary offices, horses, other livestock, and "road kill" to produce animal protein meal and "yellow grease". These products are then either sent to Asia (where they are used as feed for farm salmon, eel or shrimp returning to the US for human consumption) or used as a dietary supplement in the poultry and livestock facilities across the country.

And the chemicals used to euthanize the animals, the drugs used to treat the animals if they were sick, may ultimately find their way back into the human food chain too.

"Don't forget the diseases those poor animals died from, the cancers ... the bacteria and toxins in their decomposing bodies ... and we wonder why we have so much cancer," said Grillo. "What we as consumers don't understand is that the food we eat, from hamburgers, to fish and shrimp, to milk and cheese; contain the bodies of our dead pets and the chemicals, drugs and
diseases that they took with them."

This is not one of those mocking attacks on the animal rights movement that the writer ends by urging readers to go out for a nice, thick, juicy medium--rare steak. I don't eat beef. Or pork. Or chicken. Or turkey. (I really liked turkey. Still miss it after all these years.) I've been a semi-vegetarian since college. Furthermore, I do not detest the animal rights movement. I believe it does some good by publicizing abuses of animals -- such as not enough space in pens -- that lead to reforms. But, unfortunately, the animal rights movement undermines the good it does by lying and its occasional violence.

I wish people would not publish material like this press release, mainly because the allegations are not true. Fowl are fed grains. Sometimes drugs to encourage fast growth or prevent disease are added to their feed. It is illegal to include tainted stockyard debris, though that occurred in the past. Renderers mainly process large animals, such as cows and horses. Since the last Mad Cow Disease outbreak, including the bodies of dead animals in feed is under scrutiny. New rules, not yet finalized, will prohibit it. The claim that Thanksgiving turkey eaters will be dining on cats and dogs is false and fatuous. D.E.L.T.A Rescue apparently thinks people are both ignorant and vapid. Stupid enough to believe lies about what turkeys are fed. Vacuous enough to shove away that drumstick at the thought that it is somehow Fido or Puffball.

Furthermore, activists such as these ignore two important aspects of the decision-making about diet:

~ People are naturally omnivorous. That is not going to change, though a minority will choose to be vegetarian.

~ People have much of their autonomy stripped from them in modern society. They should be free to make their own decisions about what to eat, within reason.

Lou Grillo would serve the public better by publishing intelligent, well-written, and, true material about how Americans can make the lives of both food animals and pets easier.

What does a vegetarian do for the holidays? Make do. Tomorrow, I will eat vegetables, bread and dessert while ignoring the enticing aroma of the turkey and dressing. Fortunately, I like cranberry sauce. It will be my consolation prize. This evening, Trader Joe's gave away free packages of bell peppers. (They would have perished while the store was closed.) I will have to find a recipe for stuffing peppers that does not use hamburger.

The more responsible people in the animal rights movement mean well. But some seem to get involved because of the opportunity to lord it over others. A participant I discuss the topic with from time to time says he is becoming annoyed with some of the tactics being used himself. He will not be participating in a monthly protest in front of a doctor's office, anymore. Her offense? She conducted a medical study in which she used three house cats.

So, I am shirking my supposed duty as a vegetarian. I will not harangue all those meat eaters out there. What you eat is your business. Neither I nor anyone else should try to mislead you with disinformation about foods. Enjoy your Thanksgiving meal -- turkey and all.

Reasonably related

•After pressure from consumers and health care officials, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration produced less meat industry-friendly rules for what animals can be fed in July. I blogged the controversy here.

•You can help make the food supply safer by urging the Bush administration to act on those delayed federal rules. Write your Congressperson.

Note: This entry also appeared at Mac-a-ro-nies.

WE DO NOT CONCEDE

If you cherish your right to choose, go to this site and do as many of the actions as you can!

http://www.donotconcede.com/

A Plea to all My Liberal American Blog Sisters

My son (who is knowledgeable about how to do such things) has just started a legitimate online petition that will go the the Democratic National Committee. If you think it's worthwhile, maybe you can pass it along to your Democratic friends who agree that Howard Dean should be given a major leadership role in what we hope will be a re-energized Democratic Party.
http://www.givedrdeanthednc.us/

Be sure to check out his links at the end of the article and sign the petition as well. This is for real. My son, AKA theonetruebix, established the website and the petition, and I vouch for its authenticity. (His "experiment in citizen journalism," the Portland Communique is given a page and half in the recently published The Power of Many by Christian Crumlish.)

If you support the efforts of the petition, please share the petition with all others you know who might also agree.

I remain, "delighting in dissent,"
Elaine of Kalilily
Self-Proclaimed Resident Crone of Blogdom
http://www.kalilily.net/

If You Can't Beat 'em, Join 'em

Over at Digby's place, guest blogger Thumb has announced that he's seen the light, abandoned the false, Democrat hedonist liberal elite, and converted to the party of all real Americans. His testimony is so forceful and so... so... well gosh, it's just so plain, old-fashioned, Plain Old-Fashioned that I 'm joining him right this moment. No time to lose! I bask in the good old, plain old happy smothering warmth of Moral Values. Maybe you can too! ....Perhaps. ...Possibly. If you're the right kind of American. ...A real American. Read along, moral ones!

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

So the people voting for Bush told exit pollers that moral values are their #1 issue.

Because the Republicans are obviously superior in both numbers and cause, and their values oriented agenda should no doubt be a boon to humankind, there's obviously only one thing left to do at this point. Convert. Therefore, in an act of supreme solidarity to our new national conservative alliance and their emphasis on values, I would just like to say, they're right. I'm ready to sign up.

But first I need to declare that I too no longer care about losing millions of American jobs. I too no longer care about health care. Or social security. I also no longer care about education. I no longer care what happens to the poor, the elderly or the millions of American children growing up in poverty, despair and hopelessness. I no longer care that the US ranks a lowly 41st in infant mortality. I no longer care that the gap between rich and poor is approaching third world levels. I no longer care that Fortune 500 corporations can avoid paying taxes by opening an offshore mailbox and I no longer care that the working class will be forced pick up the difference. I no longer care that we've taken a record fiscal surplus and in three years turned it into the largest debt in the history of our country or that it will be our children, and their children, that will have to pay it back. I also no longer care how many Americans die at the hands of terrorists (as long as they're dying over there and not here at home) or how many thousands of foreign civilians die in the course of our projecting American global hegemony. I no longer care what the rest of the world thinks of America, as long as they know to fear us. I no longer care about the science of potential medical breakthroughs nor do I care about slowing the spread of AIDS nor whether we have sufficient supplies of safe vaccines. I no longer care that the number of abortions is on the rise (though I'll pound my chest and pretend that I do) because I no longer care about birth control, sex education or family planning. I no longer care about our environment and whether we're allowing industries to poison our water, our air and ultimately our food supply, and I no longer care about the consequences of releasing massive amounts of greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere and its likelihood of accelerating global warming. I no longer care that our Bill of Rights, once enshrined to protect our personal freedoms and liberty, is being stripped down or that our 200 year old Constitutional protections are being traded for a false sense of security.

So what do I share with our new majority as my #1 concern? Values. I care about moral values.

Now that I've completed the switch to the other side moral values is all that matters to me. Moral values. Yes sir, I care enough that sufficient numbers of people share these moral values to make sure that we elect politicians that will put these moral values into law (even if it takes rigging the new electronic voting machines) and that those politicians in turn appoint judges guaranteed to ensure that everyone else is forced to live by these same moral values. Now some of you remaining Unbelievers may ask, "But if everything you no longer care about isn't a moral value, what are your moral values?" Easy. The single most important moral value, overriding all other concerns, is that two people of the same sex are blocked from achieving secular legal recognitions that could in any way be similar to that enjoyed by heterosexual couples. Health and survivor benefits? Forget it. Employment protection? Come on. Inheritance rights? No way. Hospital visitation? Get real. Adoption? GOD FORBID!

You few, final remaining Democrats, moderates, greens and libertarians really need to get onboard the bandwagon. This new stripped down moral value is so easy I don't know why I didn't think of this myself earlier. Effortless morality. That's the ticket. It's like a gift from God. Now let's jam it down everyone's throat.

And God bless the New American Morality.

Crossposted at Tild~

It's not over till the fat lady burns the Constitution.

A note to my liberal friends here:

I know things seem hopeless. We fought so hard, we gave it our all, and Bush won anyway. More people voted against Bush than against any sitting president in history, but -- unfortunately -- it's also true that more people voted for Bush than for any president in history. The young people voted, and it wasn't enough. Minority voters turned out in record numbers, and it wasn't enough. It's so easy to throw up our hands and say, "Oh well. We tried." But please resist the urge to be a defeatist. It's so unbecoming.

There's plenty to fear:

Democrats have to deal with the fact that President Bush is now no longer a minority president, however slim his majority may have been. They also need to contend with his expanded senate majorities. But this is what I fear will be a growing pattern in this second term: an effort to use a narrowly secured majority not only to govern, even govern aggressively, but to make institutional changes that strip away the existing powers and rights of large minorities. These formal and informal checks and balances constitute the governmental soft-tissue that allows our political system to function.

There's plenty to mourn:

Maybe this time the voters chose what they actually want: Nationalism, pre-emptive war, order not justice, "safety" through torture, backlash against women and gays, a gulf between haves and have-nots, government largesse for their churches and a my-way-or-the-highway President.

But there is also plenty to make us hopeful:

Democrat Barack Obama trounced his right-wing opponent to pick up a senate seat in Illinois. Despite voting for George Bush by a 20% margin, Montanans elected a Democrat as governor... Perhaps most importantly, nationwide, the progressive movement came together in an unprecedented way and mobilized millions of new voters to go to the polls. Liberals and progressives united, and millions of people gave time and money in an effort to swing the election.

Be glad that so many people became involved in the political process. We can't lose those people, can't let them think that their efforts were for naught, can't afford to return to the 1990s, which hung under a cloud of taking everything for granted. I'm not especially optimistic about the next four years. I agree with Paul Krugman:

I don't hope for more and worse scandals and failures during Mr. Bush's second term, but I do expect them. The resurgence of Al Qaeda, the debacle in Iraq, the explosion of the budget deficit and the failure to create jobs weren't things that just happened to occur on Mr. Bush's watch. They were the consequences of bad policies made by people who let ideology trump reality.

As responsible citizens, we can no longer let "ideology trump reality." We can't let people continue to vote against their own best interests. So I've made a decision.

It's time to stop over-politicizing everything and instead focus on educating people to make wiser political choices. I'm convinced that if people were more educated about the implications of their choices, they would vote more wisely. I don't want this to sound condescending. But a few days ago, I saw a television reporter interviewing an self-proclaimed undecided voter. The conversation went something like this:

Reporter: So, have you decided who you are voting for yet?
Voter: Well, I was undecided just yesterday, but I think I've made up my mind to vote for Bush.
Reporter: Why? [Good question. -ed.]
Voter: Well, there's just something I don't like about Kerry. I can't quite put my finger on it -- it's just something that rubs me the wrong way.

These undecided voters are the ones who -- in many ways -- decided the outcome of the election. If people are making choices that are not based on a full understanding of issues, then how can an election truly be fair?

Here is my proposal: The next four years will be bad news politically for fair-minded Americans. I don't want to waste breath or ink pleading with a government that has secured not only a Republican president but majorities in the House and the Senate. Instead, I want to launch a campaign to educate America. I want to raise money to give voters the facts about Iraq, the "war on terror," gay marriage, Roe v. Wade, Social Security, the Patriot Act, Halliburton, healthcare, tax cuts for the wealthy, and Bush's "fiscal house of cards." I want there to be "WAKE UP" commercials all year round, not just around election time. I want to mail pamphlets, make websites, and send speakers to schools and churches and public squares. I want to shake the American people out of their zombie trance and let them know what they've been missing -- I bet they'll be pissed.

(Cross-posted at Fire & Ice.)

sashinka | observation orientated, with a twist of lime

I am about as angry as I've ever been. That is all.

sashinka | observation orientated, with a twist of lime

I am about as angry as I've ever been. That is all.

Push Back or Get Out of My Way

I'm pushing back at www.kalilily.net

Please feel free to use my"Push Back or Get of My Way" image. I would put it here if I could figure out how to insert it from my own server.