Possessed

A wise and tremendous post by Tish, full of so much that rings so true that I am not sure what pieces to show you. Every daughter and mother should read this post:

There's more to it though. As I was reading Ed's response to my comment, I was reminded of my Mother. She often talked of me and my sister as Her Children. We were never really adults. And The Future was always about how she would be getting old, who would take care of her, what illness would take her over, how she was going to die and did not want to die alone. Our lives were, in some way, about her death.

I know all of this has had a very profound effect on us both. I see it in my niece and nephew and all their problems...and I see it in myself. There are few days that go by where my mother's pain does not come in to my consciousness--sometimes out of guilt that I am living my own life. Some of this is out of anger--anger that she couldn't be the kind of mother I wanted, anger at my grandmother for being so abusive towards a small helpless child who did not ask to be born, and anger at the secrets that wrapped us in crippling shrouds from which none of us could escape.

Tags: mothers, daughters, illness, dysfunction, psychology, trauma = Powered by Qumana

What about advertising?

So far, Blog Sisters has not accepted ads, nor have we had a business model around advertising. Hell, we haven't had a business model around anything. This isn't even a business. And lord knows I'm no model. But I digress...

Those Google ads at the top? I don't know how to turn them off or I would. I went into Blogger and looked--everywhere I think--and there doesn't seem to be a way to dismantle them. I found a way to make them smaller. That's something.

For the record, I have not made enough from Google ads to make up for even the first year of hosting this site, where I paid BloggerPro and Blogspot the highest amount available for the most space and bandwidth--$120 if I remember correctly. That was in 2002. And I never even got a Blogger hoodie when Google bought Blogger. Again, I digress.

I pay for the domain www.blogsisters.com each year, which forwards to this place. Now the hosting is free, so that's something. Not a hoodie, but something.

So what have I made? Since 2003, on this blog and allied, I've received one check from Google for about $100. That means we are averaging, $33 a year.

Let's hit the islands!! (Hee hee.)

I'm saying these things because the net isn't like it used to be. You might not trust me. Or you might. The rush to monetize sites is at an all-time high. I want to assure you, I haven't done that here. And I don't plan to do that here.

I want us to have a place with no strings attached, to say whatever, however, to whomever, within or without reason. To play and to scream. To clap and claw. To tidy and to vomit. To come and go without obligation. To stop by on your way to. 

This was one of the first places for women bloggers to come together and write.

If that's all we do, we've done so much.

Tags: advertising, community, blogging, tech, pr, marketing, blog sisters, google, blogger, web2.0 = Powered by Qumana

Maybe This

Maybe this community is the one where women have nothing to risk or to gain but voice.

Maybe that's the most powerful commodity there is.

Tags: women, feminism, voice, blog sisters, web2.0, marketing, PR, tech, visibility = Powered by Qumana

Blog Sister Helen Jane...

...has a load of gerunds, and the most beautiful Husky I've ever seen.

Tags: husky, gerunds, busy = Powered by Qumana

Don't Swoop Your Ass in at the Last Minute and Minimize This Woman

Cross-Posted on Allied.

-------------------------------

Melinda's post on the conference hubub of last week pisses me off.

To take writing like I've done over this last week on the topic of male-only and nearly-only conferences, and to dumb it down to my post about getting your ass on Skype, does me a disservice. And I've worked too hard and am too long in this field to be done a disservice without speaking up about it.

Just for the record, you might want to check out the following if you're here looking for that Skype post. These are Other Things I Wrote Before The Topic Showed Up On BlogHer:

*********************

The Biggest/Smallest Prick Award - wherein I call out by name the makers of some of the stupidest comments of the week.

Your Balls Are In Your Court - wherein I tell me who are my friends and colleagues, Fuck You, for endorsing a conference with (formerly--before we spoke up) 53 men and 1 woman.

Unfuck Stowe Boyd - wherein I tell how a real man might respond to a Fuck You from a woman.

Crunchnotes Comments - wherein I push back against the organizer of Yet Another Men-Only Conference with zero help from the ladies.

MORE LINKS inspired by this discussion over the last several days.:

  The Twelve (or so) Step Program for Conference Speakers and Organisers  

There's been a lot of talk the last few days about Office 2.0, a conference that brought gender inequality in technology to a new low. Fifty three speakers and one woman was the original unpleasant statistic, and a few people got very ...
posted by suw.charman@gmail.com @ 5:00 PM

  What not to do when organising a conference  

I was reminded of Dr. Ellen Weber article on performance lately, when I read some news coming out of the office 2.0 conference. Remember you’ll get what you ask for, and no more. The article talks about if you don’t have a metric to ...
posted by mgilmartin @ 7:41 AM

  Listening to Shelley Powers about women in tech  

all noise all the time: vive la difference"—vive la différence ars longa, vita herring Recent posts by Tara, Shelley, Jeneane, Denise, and Madame Levy -- though all are not talking about "the same thing" (whatever that is) -- make it ...
posted by chuquet@googlemail.com @ 2:01 AM

  vive la difference  

vive la différence ars longa, vita herring. Recent posts by Tara, Shelley, Jeneane, Denise, and Madame Levy -- though all are not talking about "the same thing" (whatever that is) -- make it painfully clear that there is still a ...
posted by clocke @ 12:01 AM

  Technology Changes How We Do Things  

Not. What. We. Do. Wanna better world? Be better people. Paying attention yet? Of course you're not. That's okay. We've got the rest of eternity. Hey, that's why it's called Groundhog Day.
posted by @ 7:37 PM

  88 Lines About 44 Bloggers  

It's a slow weekend in the blogosphere, so I thought I'd do another mock opera. With apologies to the Nails, here we go. You'll need to listen to the song while you read (it will stream from my blog, if not via the feed). ...
posted by @ 7:18 PM

  The Babes of VoIP  

by Phil Wolff. Ken Camp makes a call to Women in VoIP to gripe about the few females at internet telephony conferences like those run by Jeff Pulver and Rich Tehrani and Tim O'Reilly. In the last episode, the Office 2.0 conference had ...
posted by pwolff@dijest.com (Phil Wolff) @ 5:35 PM

  Whew?  

In the midst of the brouhaha over it the gender-exclusive politics over at the Office 2.0 conference, it occurred to me that I will be speaking at a conference this coming week, too. I hadn’t given the matter much thought before, ...
posted by AKMA @ 8:42 AM

  Why it is important to speak up  

This week, there was a big hullabaloo over the upcoming Office 2.0 Conference. The short story: the conference was dominantly male speakers, only one woman. The organizers were initially unclear as to a) why this was a problem and b) ...
posted by Susan Getgood @ 11:17 PM

  Where Are The Women: A Marketing Problem with a Marketing Solution

*************************

And for the record, Part Deux, I don't consider myself a "feminist," because I have known too many self-identified feminists to inflict harm on women as they wage war against the forces they seek to undo in the name of women. I don't know what kind of "ist" I am -- I think I don't need a label -- but understand that I won't be quiet for a man; I won't be quiet for a women; I won't be quiet for anyone.

Thank you for stopping by.

SKYPE: jeneanesessum (no "s").

Tags: conferences, web2.0, blogging, tech, PR, business, Marketing, Advertising, Feminism, Gender, Women, Mother = Powered by Qumana

Bigger Than Life

I don't watch "reality" shows because I have enough real life around me every day, thank you. I don't watch the "American Idol" or "Rock Star" type shows either because they're all just so much hype, and that's why I am late discovering this generation's cross between Janice Joplin and Tina Turner.

Her name (it really is her birth name) is Storm Large, and she's got an angel's face atop a 6 foot Amazon's body and a voice than ranges from raunchy rap to melodic musings, but I like her rap stuff best of all -- she's better than any of the big guys out there.

I guess she got eliminated on the Rock Star Supernova show. But she's still playing out in Portland, Oregon, where they just love her.

Don't miss her in-your-face performance of her own original song, Ladylike. Watch it here.

Her own website is down because it's been innundated with traffic and the webserver she's on couldn't handle it.

I don't know her, never met her. She's a generation behind me, but I think she's way ahead of any other female in today's music world.

I used to fantisize about becoming an "old lady rapper." This is my "old lady rap:"

Old Lady Rap-Back

you don't see me
not really with
my angles softened
my curves
gone to middle thick

I see that your gaze
doesn't stick
on my face
lined with time's tricks

I know you got it
rough never enough
you think that's new?

I grew this tough skin
long before you
rode through streets and sin

and as for fuckin'?
I was mouthing it
long before your sorry ass
passed its first gas

I know the words but
I make a choice
of voice
that says more
than you
think
you know

Obviously, no competition for Storm Strong.

TheGoodBlogs and Blog Sisters

You may notice that some of your posts are being featured on TheGoodBlogs site. They asked if the could help us raise the visibility of the women writers who belong to this community and I said, "Hell yeah!" Or it sort of went like that.

Check out the sidebar widget--it lists posts from many of the active members of Blog Sisters who are writing their hearts out here and on their own blogs. With TheGoodBlogs, you can promote writing from community members as individuals across blogs. What you see on MY thegoodblogs widget are the most recent posts from our active member blog sisters from their own blogs--how cool is that? Goes WAY beyond technorati faves. TheGoodBlogs lets me tell you which blog sisters are writing new posts on their home blogs.

I've put the blog sisters widget on my blog, and Elaine has put it on her blog, and other sisters are asking, can I get a TGB widget? And I am saying, YES! Just email me at jeneane DOT sessum AT gmail DOT com.
Let's get this old hangout humming again. It was about voice then and it still is. you, us, voice. okay?

Tags: thegoodblogs, the good blogs, community, web2.0, tech, blogging, promotion, business = Powered by Qumana

Political Haiku, etc.

Wow, I haven't posted here in a long time! Well it's time to catch up a bit. Since my last visit here, I've posted a variety of political song parodies, limericks, and haiku at my Notables political humor blog. In fact, just today I posted 3 political haiku. You can find my Ode to ABC here and my The Rumsfeld Trap here.

Also, I've recently launched a second blog, devoted to my non-political humor. I hope you'll check it out.

looking back and forth

I was one of the first Blogsisters that Jeneane recruited, and there was a time I posted here frequently. That was when I had time to read and ruminate and write. That was before I became the caregiver for my 90-year-old increasingly demented mother.

If you're like me, you don't like to think about being 90 and alone and afraid and at sea in a world totally out of your control. I watch my mother become a child again, and I wonder if I will follow in her physical and mental footsteps. I wonder if my daughter will take care of me when I'm a child again.

It's not fun to think about those things. I can only hope that, since I take better care of myself than my mother ever knew she should, the path I go down to old age will be less frightening.

So, my sisters, I remind you to take your vitamins and your calcium and prescriptions for keeping your bones strong. Dance, and do puzzles, and read, and court those joyous moments. My mother didn't do any of that, and so at 90, she has so very little worthwhile life left in her.

I hope that at 90, I will still be posting here at Blogsisters, looking for inspiration, conversation, and even some healthy confrontation. It can't hurt.

9 months of gestation in 20 seconds

http://www.pressnall.com/gestation_project/ This guy took a series of photos every other day as his wife was pregnant with their first child. How cool to watch the pregnancy bloom!

Useful Service, Cool Job

I just learned of a really cool company called The Welcome Committee that helps people who are moving to new locations do so with the minimum level of stress. They provide what they call Location Counselors/Concierges who do things like ordering dry cleaning services, finding day care centers, giving directions, offering "insider tips" and also offering some emotional support to the new residents. What a great service and what a great job!

I have moved so many times (NY to NC to RI to MA back to RI to CA to .... well you get the idea) and each time I went through such ordeals trying to find my way around. It was also lonely, stressful and overwhelming trying to figure out the simplest things. You basically can't optimize, can't try to find the "best" anything, and must just settle for ticking things off your endless "to do" list. If I had had help like this each time I moved I would have been soooo much better off. And I definitely would have been willing to shell out a couple hundred bucks or so for that assistance (what I'm guessing it might cost to use this service, after you sign-up and pay your Concierge for a few hours of help).

I'm probably pretty settled where I am now, so don't need anything like this anymore, but what a cool job also. If ever I can clear a few things off my plate of standing committments I might try to become one of their Counselor/Concierges. The idea of getting paid $40 an hour to help people learn what I had to learn through trial and error sounds like rewarding work, and taking someone out for coffee as a part of my "job" sounds totally fabulous.

Good job Welcome Committee. This is something that truly adds value to people's lives.

PersonalDNA

My PersonalDNA |

Be Sure to Keep an Eye on BlogHer.Org This Weekend

The BlogHer conference begins this evening, so keep an eye on the BlogHer site for links to live blogging, IRC Chat, and more.

Blog Sisters in the Pittsburgh Tribune

A very nicely done article in the Pittsburgh Tribune on women and blogging that quotes yours truly, as well as the BlogHers who were kind enough to give a nod to their Blog Sisters. The article discusses how blogs have helped women find and exercise their voices.

You may wonder if some media training isn't in order for Mrs. Sessum, as she reveals before God and clients the imminent loss of her uterus and her penchant for X*anax. It's not every day you get THIS kind of publicity!

"If life were supposed to be orderly, then my house wouldn't look like it does and my kid wouldn't have open paints and blendy pens all over her floor, and I wouldn't have to take a half of a zzzzanax as I mull over the many possibilities in the weeks and months ahead."
-- allied.blogspot.com, by Jeneane Sessum, as she contemplates an upcoming hysterectomy

w00t!!

Tags: Pittsburgh Tribune, Blogging, Women, Blog Sisters, BlogHer, Good Writing, Tech, PR, Gonzo Marketing, Worst Practices, Cluetrain, Gluetrain = Powered by Qumana

Family Sues for $200K in Losses over "Ugly Bride"

I am stunned and horrified by the following story and I'm wondering what can be done to protest something of this sort....I don't give a darned if this kind of thing goes on in India where I don't vote and don't have a voice. But you can bet that I give a lot more than your average rat's ass that this frivolous and hateful lawsuit is being persued in Hampden (Massachusetts) County Superior Court The following is a reprint from Masslive.com because you will not believe this story unless you read it with your own eyes:

Family Sues over "ugly bride"

SPRINGFIELD - Arranged marriages are an ancient tradition in India, but when a Belchertown family went there to meet a bride-to-be and judged her too ugly for the groom, they chose a 21st-century solution. They called the wedding off, and the groom's father is now suing for damages.

Vijai B. Pandey, 60, filed a lawsuit in Hampden Superior Court last month against friends who tried to arrange a marriage between his son Pranjul K. and their niece. The Pandeys, after spending money on long-distance calls and airfare, found her much too homely.

When the Pandeys saw the bride in New Delhi last August, they were "extremely shocked to find ... she was ugly ... with protruded bad teeth, and couldn't speak English to hold a conversation," Vijai Pandey stated in the lawsuit. The woman's complexion was also cited for the broken engagement.

Pandey's civil complaint against Lallan and wife Kanti Giri of Boyds, Md., seeks $200,000 in damages, and charges them with fraud, conspiracy and violation of civil rights, among other claims resulting in emotional distress.

Lallan Giri, an anthrax expert who has spoken at major scientific conferences on anthrax vaccine safety, said only, "We plead not guilty, 120 percent," when reached last week. Giri referred questions to Springfield lawyer Mark J. Albano, who refused comment.

However, the Giris' former lawyer, Matthew R. Hertz, said the conflict doesn't belong in court, and Pandey mischaracterized the original plan. "It was more of an informal 'would you like to meet her' ... no money ever changed hands that would require reimbursement," said Hertz, of Solomon, Malech & Cohen in Bethesda, Md.

Nimai Nitai das, president of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness of New England in Boston, said he hears occasionally of Hindu families seeking reimbursement for marriage arrangements gone awry. "In the U.S., sooner or later, everything winds up in court ... but I've never heard of a lawsuit about this," he said in a recent interview.

Arranged marriages among Hindus remain "very common," Nitai das said, adding that Westerners hold misconceptions about the practice, and marriages aren't planned before a child's birth.

Indian law sets a minimum marriage registration age of 18 for men and 21 for women. However, registration only became mandatory this year, following a decision by India's Supreme Court in February. More than third of brides in India are married before age 18, the Christian Science Monitor reported in May.

In parts of India, contracts are still written, Nitai das said, with stipulations including the bride's dowry. However, in modern Hindu society, arranged marriage means "the families are much more active in the planning," than typical Americans, he said.

When the Giris initially proposed a marriage between Pranjul K. Pandey, 37, and their niece, the Pandeys pointed out that Pranjul was handsome, personable and spoke English, and asked if the young woman was "equally beautiful ... and a good match," Pandey's lawsuit states.

The Pandeys were assured that she was comparable, and would learn English. The Giris agreed to compensate Vijai Pandey "for everything," if their niece was found unsuitable, Pandey wrote.

The Pandeys got a photo of the potential bride, but "couldn't tell much" from it. Nonetheless, they became "heavily involved by long telephone calls to India," and sent money for the woman's passport, anticipating her move to the United States after the wedding, court documents state.

A trip to India last summer, by Vijai Pandey's wife Lalita, their daughter Pramila, and Pranjul, was to finalize Pranjul's marriage, according to the lawsuit. The Pandeys arranged for the Giris' niece, her mother and sister to travel to New Delhi from elsewhere in India, but after an Aug. 22 meeting, called the marriage off.

Vijai Pandey asked the Giris for the compensation they promised, because they knew all along that the young woman "was homely and unsuitable and no match for Pranjul," he wrote. The Giris declined to give Pandey money, despite his phone calls to them last September, and a fax in March.

Nitai das said brides don't have to be pretty for arranged marriages to succeed. "I have seen some very handsome men who are happy with somewhat homely women," he said. Although Nitai das doesn't know people involved in the lawsuit, he said the plaintiffs may have been "reacting to ... the misrepresentation," about the young woman.

Lallan Giri is an executive at Emergent BioSolutions Inc. in Gaithersburg, Md., and Pandey, for reasons not fully explained, named the company as a defendant. Pandey is also suing Hertz and his law firm. Hertz sent Pandey a letter in March on the Giris' behalf, which was "extremely malicious," Pandey wrote.

The document was a standard "cease and desist," letter, Hertz said.

The Pandeys and Giris had been friends since 1979, when the Giris lived under "extremely humble," conditions in Amherst, the lawsuit states. Later, when Lallan Giri's career advanced and the Giris moved away, problems arose. "He started show-boating, boasting ... with (a) BMW, (a) Mansion, and acting as a big shot in a different class," Pandey wrote.

The Giris, Pandey said in the suit, made "innumerable, uninvited ... and imposing visits" to his Belchertown home, and used his computer for personal and official business.

In a brief phone interview, Pandey said he is a retired environmental engineer. He was once an Amherst insurance agent, according to newspaper archives.

In 1991, Pandey was sentenced to nine months in jail following a conviction for bank fraud in Springfield's U.S. District Court. In 1994, convictions from the 1980s, for larceny and leaving the scene of property damage, were overturned in Northampton District Court, and all charges dropped.

Pandey, who filed suit against the Giris on his own, has initiated several civil complaints since the 1980s. Defendants included Western Massachusetts judges and lawyers, an insurance company and others. Many cases were dismissed, and some were settled.

What can be done?? I do not want our courts to be taken up with something that is not only cruel and hateful but has nothing to do with life in the United States. As I said, if anyone has any ideas, email me (tishgrier@yahoo.com) or post a comment...

The Spice-Box that saved me

When I set off to graduate school in the US, the Internet had not yet taken over the world. I actually spoke to people to gather information about life in America in general and my destination, New Orleans, in particular.

I was delighted to find a woman whose son was an undergraduate at the university I was headed to. "My son had some problems initially with the food, but you should be fine. You are a girl, no?" she said to reassure me.

Biting back my foolish but proud claim that I would be as useless in the kitchen as any son of hers, I focused on the issues at hand. What was the weather in New Orleans like? Did I have to drive around? Was there public transportation? Food, in fact, was my last concern.

A recent food essay from the CSM. Read it, if the topic of Indian food interests you and if the CSM hasn't archived it yet.

Tabloid Times

I have several new limerick posts including these:

Tabloid Times
"Are Bill and Hill still having sex?
By that question, the Times seems perplexed..."
Tabloid Times is continued here.

Ode To Rep. Jefferson
"Rep. Jefferson seems to have stashed
90 grand in his freezer - cold cash..."
Ode To Rep. Jefferson is here.

Sleeper VEEP
"There once was a GOP VEEP
Who in meetings fell soundly asleep..."
Sleeper VEEP is continued here.

Frist And Hastert Rediscover The Constitution
"Frist and Hastert don't care if the Bush administration invades the privacy of ordinary citizens. Nor do they seem bothered by the Executive branch's brazen power grab, evidenced by Bush's "de facto veto" signing statements, Congressional oversight avoidance, and sundry law breaking. But just let the Justice Department mess with one of their own, by raiding his House office, then suddenly Frist and Hastert whip out their long forgotten copies of the Separation of Powers clause..."

Frist And Hastert Rediscover The Constitution is continued here.

Great article on women, visibility, blogging++ - BlogSisters kudos

What makes the women-online visibility issue as important as it is--to me anyway--is that men are still grabbing the lion's share of speaking and consulting gigs related to this space--BlogHer and other women-visibility-boosting outlets aim to change that:

...Together, they decided to stop talking about where the women bloggers are and create a place for women bloggers to read each other and be read by everyone. They built on the earlier efforts of women equally determined to amplify muted female voices such as Jeneane Sessum, the Atlanta founder of Blog Sisters.

"Blog Sisters and now BlogHer give women much improved visibility in a space that now has an economic component to it," Sessum said.

A GREAT article by uberreporter Jessica Guynn in the Contra Costa Times about women and blogging and BlogHer.

Ask questions now for the Tuesday roundtable with the BlogHers++. Cool!

Tags: BlogHer, women, blogging, tech, web2.0, business, PR = Powered by Qumana

White House Shakeup Song Parody and Limericks

I've written a song parody and a pair of limericks about the so-called White House shakeup. Here's a couple of verses from my song parody, The White House Shakeup Song, sung to the tune of Good King Wenceslas:

The White House Shakeup Song (Sing to Good King Wenceslas)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

"Bolten's cleaning house they claim.
He needs staffers brainy.
Upward polls are Bolten's aim.
Why not start with Cheney?

Many think that Don must go.
Rumsfeld's quite abysmal.
Dubya answers no, no, no.
Bush is just as dismal.

Miers may just lose her job.
Nearly was "Her Honor."
Andrew Card worked way too hard..."

The rest of my song parody and my two limericks are here, and my audio podcast version (with me attempting to sing my White House Shakeup Song) is here.

Private, Free Counseling for Rape and Incest Victims via KnowNow's RSS-powered RAIN Network

What is the "Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN)"? It's a powerful new way for victims of rape and incest to get qualified help in a way that's become increasingly comfortable for young people -- online.

Here's the official information -- please pass it along to those you think might benefit from it.
The pilot launch of the Online Hotline will begin in May, with a national launch expected in September. For more info, visit www.rainn.org/programs/online-hotline.

------------

KnowNow Inc., a market leader in RSS content delivery and communication and notification services, today announced that it is providing application development services and its eLerts RSS solution to connect a victim with an available trained volunteer as soon as they need one, through RAINN’s newly announced secure online hotline. To ensure protection of each individual who has a query or a need to talk to a counselor immediately, the request is connected to one of RAINN’s trained volunteers quickly, securely and anonymously.

RAINN will launch the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline in the fall, which will be the web's first secure hotline service, offering live help 24 hours a day.

Given that calls to the national telephone hotline continue to increase (the free hotline helped up to 137,039 people in 2005, up 44% in the last three years), research and observation are finding an increased reluctance among young people to use the phone. Since 80% of rape victims fall under age 30, adding an online way to communicate is a critical component to making the program a success.

In addition to KnowNow’s RSS solution, RAINN is partnering with other key technology players to make this a reality in the fall, including AOL, Verisign, Accius and McAfee.

How It Will Work:

One click will take users from rainn.org to the Online Hotline. There, they will anonymously request help and be connected to a trained volunteer for live, one-on-one support. The user's screen will be as clear and intuitive as instant messaging, so there's no learning curve. Sessions cannot be traced back to a user. No record of the session or user remains after a chat reinforcing privacy and confidentiality, so victims know that when they reach out, it remains anonymous.