Virginity Soap??!! WTF!!!

A blogger in Saudi Arabia tells of a scam that takes us back to the fantasies of men in the Middle Ages -- and in their middle ages -- when the virginity of their women was one of their prized possessions.

Read Lori's post in her blog, Sand Gets in My Eyes, where she reports:

According to Peaceful Muslimah, the soaps are indicative of a larger problem in the Middle East (and likely other parts of the world), where a woman’s virginity is her most important asset." Unfortunately in many Muslim societies, as well as non-Muslim underdeveloped nations, there is an extreme pressure brought to bear on women's chastity. As I recently discussed here, lack of chastity or even the perception of it can lead to fatal consequences. So is it any wonder that Muslim women are willing to go to extraordinary measures to maintain the appearance of the virginal bride on their honeymoon."

[snip]

I did some checking, and the soaps are readily available throughout the world, thanks in large part to the internet. The idea is that the soap’s astringents “constrict and tighten" , creating that coveted "look and feel" of virginity.

One manufacturer boasts their product is...."Used and enjoyed by hundreds of thousands of women in the Middle East and Asia, it has brought back youthful passions, rekindled sensual yearnings, and completely intensified sexual experience.”

Ha! What a lot of bunk!

Her entire post includes more links and info. It would be great if other Blog Sisters would post about this issue as well.

Cross posted at www.kalilily.net

WHO are we?

Dear Blog Sisters, Wanted to let you know, I claimed our page over on squidoo, and anyone who wants to can go over and edit the page -- ADD your bio, links to your other blogs and websites, the stuff you care about. Have at it! Let me know how it goes. Much love, your fearless leader.

Spirits dance

I walk through the landscape in my mind…it becomes a stroll through memories, past, present, and future...

...always he is there...waiting for me, beckoning...

And we connect yet again...never missing a step…as if we had never been apart…and where we meet, our spirits intersect...there is beauty, there is joy, there is some melancholy as well...

I realise that he never left...that we have always shared...that we always will...that we will meet again in the next lifetime..and, remember again...lifetime after lifetime.

There is no hiding from this, there never was...we just drifted like snows, like sands shifting in the desert...yet, like the snow melting that returns to the earth, like the sands that shift but remain part of the whole terrain forever – we never really leave each other…we remain tied to one another...through life, through other lovers, through lifetimes past, present and future...

Always...

Laughter and Chocolate

This picture makes me smile so much! It's my young son - laughing and covered in chocolate on holiday in Southern Spain.

I am pretty new to the world of blogging and this site.

I live in a small and beautiful village in England, and I think a few other countries like the U.S., Canada, France and Australia seem much more comfortable with this medium. I have been finding my way around, and trying to make sense of the links and blogrolls and all that la-di-da - what has intrigued me is the way women are linking up and talking about really important and personal issues. I guess that's no surprise, we're pretty fantastic at that, huh? - but what an amazing idea, that we can do that globally and easily without the barriers of distance, nationality, colour, race or cultures.

I'm married to an American, who wandered across to Europe for the obligatory trip in his twenties, and stayed 15 years! In 2003, I was a single Mum to a 3 year old boy , working full-time as a Director of HR for an animal welfare charity. I found the love of my life on the internet! We flew to meet each other after 17 days of emailing, and in 36 hours knew we had found our respective soul mate and decided to change our whole lives around to be together. It was at this point the irony of life kicked in ,and the company he was working for in Europe posted him back to the U.S. for 14 months... West Coast at that... It was mad, but fairy-tale stuff - all-day flights to get to Las Vegas for 30 hours to see each other and then fly back to take my son to school... and I HATE flying... and leaving my son! Luckily I had moved to my parent's village, so he was quite happy that I take off occasionally - time to be spoilt at the Grandparents!!

Now we're trying IVF, and I'm deep in injections and hormone hell.

There must be so many of you out there, thousands of miles away, juggling the same challenges that I am (and many of you juggling much, much more)...Sliding into work wondering if you remembered to put your child's spelling book in his bag whilst rushing off the next meeting....Fitting the weekly shopping around lunch breaks and trying to fit in a million priorities... Flopping down on a Friday night having "survived" another week!! Great that those moments can be shared in this way - some of the blogs I've stumbled across have been fantastic - funny, heart-wrenching, witty, sad, optimistic - sometimes all in the same blog!

So I wish you a day like the photo of my son - laughing and with plenty of chocolate!!

http://thechallengeoflife.blogspot.com

Random thoughts of interest

So we have all heard; if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, how do we know if it makes a sound....
Well if a blogger, blogs how do we know if there is someone out there reading if you don't post comments....
Now that I got your attention......
We blog for our sanity, therapy and to get feedback and help from our friends loved ones and anyone in an "ear-shot", but how do we get people to flock and respond....I have plenty to talk about and want to say...and I think the kindness- no i am counting the kindness of you kind sould to get me through the dark times, and the fun times....
I had a rough year last year with my dear friend dying, and life happening all around me while i stood there being numb, or trying to be, but it was a hard time to get through..and heck I am still getting through it. How can you get through a time like that.... I mean I got through it, but am more than still visibly shaken...
Then on to better time last year....right before that...finding true love. On March 5 to be exact, when the love of my life and I confessed our true feelings for one and other...completely and utterly out of the blue(I missed Resse Witherspoon exceptence speech on Oscar night, when the feelings where announced). And the winner is:....drum roll please.....ME! That was a thrilling and odd night to say the least..one that will be fun to tell the kids and the grandkids some day trust me...
Then this year I got to have a few highlights so far....The near completion of the remodeling of my apartment....meeting Tommy Lee, Dave Navarro, Dilana, and Toby Rand, and seeing (the ever so hot) Jenna Jameson *standing like 10 feet away* ..And all in the same night...the best part of this new year....Seeing my oldest and dearest friend that I haven't seen in 15 years at the same concert (SuperNova)..And it was so cool playing catch up and seeing her Sister and their husbands, it was surreal for sure..And yet it was like no time had passed at all.
the next stop for this year - My man comes home next month...I can't wait.
the furture is wide open and just waiting. And I am waiting to, for you my viewers. Let's play catch up...and talk and get to know one another. Share the good the bad and the ugly.
so please let me know your out...
Heck throw out a topic and let's see what trouble we get into.....
catch ya on the flip side...

not keeping up with the Joneses

It's no surprise that while visiting in Massachusetts, I went to the shopping mall with my daughter and grandson. He had taken some money out of his piggy bank to buy himself a toy. And, of course, I had planned to subsidize some additional treat.

As we three strolled down the main mallway, we were accosted by a jovial gentleman with a microphone followed by a quiet guy with a news station videocamera. At first, I wasn't going to stop and be interviewed, but when my daughter heard that the interviewer was looking for a family of three generations, she opted to talk to him. And so I agreed to join in.

"You've heard of 'keeping up with the Joneses', haven't you," he asked and then proceeded to explain that he was interviewing people about how much they buy into that concept. And he was wondering how that changed over the generations.

I went first, explaining that, because my parents had been upwardly mobile and my mother very conscious of what she had in comparison to others, I rebelled against the stress of that lifestyle, opting to go into education -- which really doesn't pay that well. I think I said that I started out as a teacher because I wanted to contribute something to the world. While there was some truth to everything that cam e out of my mouth in that spur-of-the-moment monologue, the rest of the truths are even more relevent. But I never got a chance to get into all of that. So, instead, I sounded like a poster mom for "family values." If you read my blog, you know that I'm a far cry from that.

My daughter's brief statements also reflected only part of her truths. She said that she left the workforce to stay home and raise her son; that it was hard living on one income, but she felt it was worth it. All of that is true.

What neither of has had a chance to say, however, was that we were never interested in "keeping up with the Joneses" because we began our adult lives being more interested in following our dreams than making a lot of money -- her dream being acting and mine being writing. Ultimately, as it turned out, we chose lives that center around the people we love. I guess we are just not competitive enough to have gotten sucked into that "keeping up" rat race.

Relative to all of that, I recently read an article in The Week stating:

A growing number of new mothers are quitting their jobs to devote their full-time attention to their children. Is the traditional family making a comeback?

The article also includes these statements:

A growing number of companies are offering to let moms telecommute or work flexible hours to avoid losing them altogether. If employers had done this earlier, they might have avoided their current jam, says Joan Williams, director of the Center for WorkLife Law at the University of California, Hastings. Most mothers would prefer to keep working, she said, but are “pushed out by workplace inflexibility, the lack of supports, and a workplace bias against mothers.” In a recent survey, 86 percent of women said obstacles such as inflexible hours were key reasons behind their decisions to leave.

and

“At the height of the women’s movement and shortly thereafter, women were much more firm in their expectation that they could somehow combine full-time work with child rearing,” said Yale historian Cynthia Russett. “The women today are, in effect, turning realistic.”

As a single mother, I had no choice but to work. My daughter has a choice, and I have a feeling that her experiences growing up under my roof contributed a great deal to her making the one she has. And I think she made the right one.

(Cross-posted at Kalilily Time)

Winter Solstice

Winter Solstice

A blessed Solstice to you all!

the anti-woman new Wicker Man

I saw the original Wicker Man in the mid-seventies. It was by far the most gut-clenching film I've ever seen. From here:

The Wicker Man is a cult 1973 British film combining thriller, horror and musical, directed by Robin Hardy and written by Anthony Shaffer. The film stars Edward Woodward, Christopher Lee, Diane Cilento, Ingrid Pitt and Britt Ekland. Paul Giovanni composed the soundtrack, a recording cited as a major influence on neofolk and psych folk artists.

The original Wicker Man film focused on an island population of pagans that included both men and women -- all of whom were engaged in determining what was to befall the "hero." I remember that the film was steeped in a ancient eroticism as the island population struggled to find their balance between all of those natural forces of opposites.

The new Wicker Man is devoid of male-female tension and eroticism of any kind; the pagan population is totally female (except for a few drones). The new version attributes only to women the chthonic spirit that the original movie rightly attributed to all people who followed the pagan ways. The unspoken message to us in these times is "watch out when those women take over" especially those females who find personal strength in the mythic histories of their gender. They are dangerous. They will destroy you.

The primal darkness in all of us is a powerful and dangerous force. The original Wicker Man captured that terrifying power. The new Wicker Man is a weakened and distorted version of what was once a truly horrifying tale.

(Side note: The star of the original Wicker Man was Edward Woodward. In the new version, the name of the "hero" is Edward Woodward.)

I don't know if you can rent the 1970s Wicker Man, but you can buy it here.

It's worth the price.

(cross posted at www.kalilily.net)

The Writer Ratio

People's perceptions of who reads what are definitely skewed. But what about authors on the publishing end? Do authors self-segregate into particular genres or do editors have some say in what kind of author get published?

I came across the Broad Universe Bean Count which has some very interesting statistics on how many women and men are published in the speculative fiction field. Of course, compared to the romance genre (where most men still work under pseudonyms or with female co-authors), science fiction and fantasy appears to be a bastillion of equality. But nonetheless, the numbers aren't that great. It's true that over the years, the percentage of women winning awards has gone up, but for most of them, the split is still not fifty-fifty.

Some other observations: Male reviewers prefer to review books authored by other males. The majority of stories in anthologies of speculative fiction are by male authors. However, is it possible that this is also a function of how many female speculative fiction writers are present in the first place? The membership of SFWA is not an accurate indicator of how many writers there are--you have to get published first before you can be a member. But according to Strange Horizons, about a third of their submissions were from female writers. I am very curious as to whether this is true or the exception compared to submission statistics to other magazines, agents, and editors.

And another question: Does the sex of the authors also influence what kind of readers are drawn to a genre? With the quality of writing being equal as well as the male/female ratio of writers in whatever genre--would this equalize the readership as well? Or will people still be too hung up on convention and formula to read a book for the story?

(Cross-posted at Syaffolee.)

The Museum of Kitschy Stitches

If you're searching for the perfect holiday gift, if you're having friends over a lot in the coming weeks and want a great conversation-starter, or if you just need to laugh until you're wetting your pants, check out The Museum of Kitschy Stitches: A Gallery of Notorious Knits, by Stitchy McYarnpants. Stitchy is the nom de plume of a Boston-area woman who likes to collect supremely tacky old knitting and crocheting patterns (mainly from the '60s and 70s). She illustrates a few dozen of them along with hilarious commentary in this book.

I saw her a couple of months ago at the local Barnes and Noble, where she was doing a booksigning. She'd brought along a trunkful of hideous creations collected from yard sales and ebay. I bought the book, and it's been generating an evening-ful of reminiscences every time someone has spotted it. At a book discussion I hosted last month, we spent more time discussing this than the book we'd all read. I brought it on a business trip recently and showed it to a female colleague in our hotel room. She insisted I take it to a dinner party hosted in the CEO's home to show his wife. It pretty nearly took over the whole evening.

Stitchy has a website: http://www.stitchymcyarnpants.com/
and I posted a blog entry about her booksignings, which has some pictures of Stitchy and of the treasures in her trunk: http://cicilycorbett.blogspot.com/2006/09/stitchy-mcyarnpants.html.

RAD

It's fall, colleges are back in session, and RAD classes are starting up all over. RAD (Rape Assault Defense) is a comprehensive self-defense course for women. The course teaches awareness, prevention, risk reduction and avoidance of dangerous situations, usually with hands-on training. A typical class lasts for five sessions and costs about $5 per session.

RAD is designed for women of all ages and levels of physical conditioning. Mothers frequently attend with their daughters; elderly women living alone attend. High-school and college women concerned about date rape attend. Women learn to recognize dangerous situations, and learn how to handle them. They engage in realistic scenarios with the instructors, practicing defense techniques. The education and experience give them power and confidence.

Classes are held in community centers, YMCAs, on college campuses, and so on. My state alone has dozens of locations. Classes are also offered for children and for men. To learn more about the program, or to locate a nearby center, visit www.rad-systems.com.

Nerve

I've been a member of Blog Sisters for quite some time and have enjoyed reading all of you but this is my first post. It's a double post from my blog today and I apologize in advance for that - I just felt like I wanted to vent to other women - to other mamas - in hopes of finding some good ol' female empowerment and support.

What better place than here?

**********

Over the last few weeks, I've been asked for updates on my "baby making" status. I anticipated this but have been surprised by how quickly I've grown tired of responding. I am now kicking myself for ever publicizing (in blog or casual conversation) that my husband and I are actively trying.

Update - I am not pregnant.

However, if mine and my husband's schedules ever synchronize and I become less stressed, I have confidence that it will happen for us.

The second irritating factor to this whole topic are the comments I have received from several people along the lines of:

Well, you're not 16 anymore....your body isn't going to just snap back the way it did!

[Really? I'm impressed that you think it "snapped back" at all.]

At your age, I bet you'll find that you have to really work to get the weight off this time.

[Well, then my four years as a certified personal trainer and nutritionist will come in handy.]

The sad fact is that my first response is to defend such statements with, "Actually, women on both my mom and my dad's side of the family have had children in their mid to late 30's and managed to recover their figure with little effort; genetically, most of us have nice shapes."

What I really want to respond with is, "Why is this even a discussion that you find important and appropriate to broach?"

I will openly admit to a level of vanity - one that I now consider to be fairly healthy. As a little girl, the way I looked drew a lot more attention than the grades I made or the way I behaved. Consequently, I learned to value this aspect of myself over others for a long time. Fortunately for me, however, I have since had numerous humbling experiences - to include childbirth - which have put things in a more balanced perspective.

In fact, when I posted a few months ago about my anxiety over trying to conceive, my body image was not among my concerns. I have no idea why others deem it as noteworthy.

Update - Should I get pregnant, I may gain a few pounds that, this time, don't come right off.

So fucking what.

If you REALLY want to send me into panic mode, remind me about how kids can wreck a home faster than a tornado.....

I'm far more obsessed with how my house looks than I am my ass.

strep n fetch it.

One of the things Jenna brought back on the plane was strep. soooo that's what I've been up to the last couple of days. Fetching tissues for her to spit in and tissues for noses and wet washcloths for skin that she says feels soooo hot mommy. And soup too. Don't forget the vegetable beef soup.

Amazing Omnicef. She's bopping around today, getting back to herself quickly, though nebby treatments have begun. Looks like ENT-ville again and the tonsil discussion. I hear it's outpatient these days, which is awesome. I remember going in the night before, then being wheeled into the OR and telling the surgeon I was going to throw up as soon as I smelled that ether. They said no you aren't; it just smells. I said yes I am, and I puked all over the operating table. They freaked out and sent me home. I had to go back to kindergarten WITH my tonsils and fess up to throwing up. A few weeks later we tried again. This time, no puking and byebye tonsils.

I'm hoping better things for jenna, like no problems if it has to be, and lots of ice cream. Please don't tell her that you really don't care about ice cream when they finally get around to giving it to you.

Tags: strep, tonsilitis, tired mom, parenting, kids = Powered by Qumana

how did we miss this??

Frank Paynter posted about it, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't pick up on the implications until I read what he wrote. He begins his post with this:

This post is not about the grim and twisted irony of the violence of a school shooting in Amish country. Rather, I want to draw attention to the unspoken horror of the misogyny, the hate crime against the female gender that it represents.

Frank links to several female bloggers who posted vehemently and accurately about what seems to be an increasing number of hate crimes against females. He ends his post with this:

Misogyny is everywhere. It’s in the burka. It’s in the genital mutilation of so-called “female circumcision.” It’s in the Chinese infanticide of baby girls. It’s practically a human condition. Yet once slavery was a human condition too, and now, except for a few corporate monsters, some backwards nations, and the perversion of sexual slavery it has largely been wiped out. Can we make progress against misogyny too?

I wonder why we aren't all posting about how the status and safety of all of us females is consistently being eroded. Why aren't we mad as hell.

Tapping into the Ex-Employee Network

(first posted on BlogHer.org)

Betsy The Devine's post on the "Puff Club" Reunion flickr photos got me thinking about business. Yes, believe it or not, a baby reunion summoned thoughts of jobs past. Specifically about the companies I have left, or who have left me, over the years, and all of the reunions I've attended (and run like hell from, depending) in the ensuing decades. These are the events during which old employees -- and sometimes current employees -- get together to drink alcoholically and laugh hysterically until the wee hours. They remind you 1) why you are glad you don't work there anymore 2) how much you miss your old workmates, and 3) why you took smoke breaks every 20 minutes.

There is something to be said for reunions.

When I was relieved of employment (along with the engineering group and a couple other mid-level management stragglers) post-childbirth by one dysfunctionally enmeshed technology company in the 90s, we ex- and current employees were so inextricably linked that reunions happened weekly. As the ex-company grew at a faster rate than the current comapny, and our ex-work-force established a more effective communication network than the internal version, company news was transmitted faster and more efficiently to non-employees than it was to employees. This generally frustrates businesses, some of which put in place policies that discourage fraternization with ex-employees.

Here's a call for companies to do just the opposite. Rather than carving the line between your ex-employees and current employees in concrete, why not encourage -- heck, even sponsor -- regular reunions where past and present employees can get together for conversation, laughing, complaining, mocking, and the like. Instead of pretending that these get togethers -- and these conversations -- aren't taking place (because they are), embrace them. Stand unafraid in the crosshairs of where past and present employees cross paths. What do you have to gain?

1) You will create emissaries of good will, fueled by the ability to be honest.
2) You will show that you are defined by every human being who has entered your doors at one time or another.
3) Often the best talent is the talent that RETURNS to the organization after going elsewhere--you will keep in touch with them.
4) You will tap into the most effective local/regional grapevine available--your ex-employee network. It's already operational. Why not add your voice?
5) You will demystify the "outside" which generally seems pretty damn alluring from the inside.

It's like the cheese bra lady. Her best ideas--and creativity--will now be used outside of her former company. There is no going back for her former employer and its clueless decision to axe her because of her cheese-like non-dairy bra. However, inviting her to the next company reunion -- even honoring her, admitting the company's shortsightedness in a funny way -- might bring that business one step closer to getting a clue.

Or at least getting some laughs and head nods.

Tags: business, human resources, technology, wisconsin, Betsy Devine, employees, employee reunions, competition, business, retention = Powered by Qumana

the hug thing

hadn't seen it. simple. significant. strong.

Tags: free hugs = Powered by Qumana

half way to 18.

My baby turned 9 yesterday--that's where I've been.

Not every kid shares Buddy Rich's birthday.

Or his mood swings. Or his uncanny time.

You know me. An emotional amusement park sometimes. My kid. 9. So that's where I've been.

Between having a half-grown child and rescuing a stray puppy from the highway (and then having to give it back to the less than scrupulous owners), then re-inheriting two cats from our newly married neighbor who is moving back in with his ex-now-current wife--and did I mention I have re-decorated the hamster cages in pink and blue bedding, pink for mom and blue for the boys?)--life has been a river, not of news, but of heartbeats.

New life, old life, life moving.
At the speed of me.

At the YMCA a few days ago a woman had her newborn baby with her--precious tiny baby girl in pink. I said to her, "She is so beautiful," and then ducked behind the drape of the changing room to cry quietly.

Every now and then I remember that the ablation I had means I can't carry anymore babies. In my mind fact that we weren't going to have any more babies is completely unrelated to the fact that I can't.Part 1 does not lessen the grieving for Part 2. That's how estrogen works.

Driving past Jenna's school the other day I realized that her turning 9 means she is now halfway to 18, noticing how fast the first 9 years went, realizing that the next 9 will go at least that fast.

Will I make it? Will we? And then what? Where does my heartbeat go? Do I keep it? Or send it out from me?

Of all the layers to my identity, being my daughter's mom is the one I think about the most, where doing it right means every day is one day closer to being left. That little fact is not lost on me.

In my family, we have a hard time raising children to send them out into the world. We don't like letting go. We are smotherers, keepers, hoarders. It takes conscious reminding every day for me to keep from doing what I know.

Ah fuggit. I'm not sure this is making sense. I hear her downstairs now, laughing with her dad. They are watching a show. Her voice rises and falls--fits and jags--loud guffaws, she is nothing if not intense. I am re-amazed so often. heartbeats.

I had coffee with my mother today. Something I haven't done in 4 years.

Nothing is for sure.

Tags: mother, daughter, 9 years old, birthdays, parenting, children, blogging, culture, grief, starbucks = Powered by Qumana

BizBlogBoys - SacBee, you should know better?

I didn't go looking to do another post on why no women; really I was searching for recent business blogging articles to see what new is being said. Instead I found an article from today's Today's Sacramento Bee called Going to the Blogs, which does a cursory overview of business blogging--which misses the point of business blogging really, blogs aren't written by businesses (at least good ones); they're written by PEOPLE who happen to (maybe) work somewhere. In the business sense, blogging is most effective when it's the most meaningful, and it's most meaningful when human beings are connecting and building relationships (love.hate.lukewarm) as human beings first. Human connection = primary. Business relationship follows Human relationship.

Here's a nicely clueless quote from the author of Blogging for Business:

"More and more people are finding local businesses using the Internet," he said. "Blogs make your search engine popularity so high that you are suddenly ahead of your competition."

Sure. Let's boil it all down to SEO and call it a day.

NOT.

Aside from the cursory treatment of the topic in this article, which bugged me to begin with, I couldn't help but be bugged secondarily by the absence of women in the article. I'm amazed that the author didn't trip over the women bloggers in Sacramento and surrounding areas, not to mention the opportunity to do a phone interview as was done with Tony Perkins).

It's annoying. There are references and/or quotes to and/or from 10 men in the short article. And even if you want to play "Use the best man for the job" argument,  well, READ the thing. The article could use some... um... help.

Ask Toby Bloomberg to comment on business blogs, or Marianne Richmond. Ask Shelley Powers about where blogging has come and gone--maybe even be adventurous enough to bring up the 'women thing'. Find out how blogging is part of a larger picture when it comes to creation and commerce (wecommerce). Please try a little harder before you write another fluff piece on an overdone topic featuring talking man heads . Because that is just so 2005.

Tags: business, blogging, tech, PR, advertising, women, technology, marketing, Internet, SEO, wecommerce = Powered by Qumana

{posted first on BlogHer)

Torture Bill Haiku: Mad Kane Has Moved

Here's my haiku inspired by the disgraceful torture legislation:

Torture Bill Haiku

The Constitution
Was cast aside by Congress.
Hideous corpus!

Also, I want to let you know that I've moved my Notables political blog to Mad Kane's Political Madness.

Look Them In The Eye And Smile

I haven't posted here in ages...though I read the posting regularly. Bad, bad blog sister. But I've written something that I wish to share. Forgive me if I've overstepped.

For me, it started sometime in the mid 90s. A woman had been abducted from Parmatown Mall, raped and brutalized then murdered. Our local Karate studio.. the one right next door to my gym.. offered an all-day Saturday class for women of self-defense.

The biggest tip I learned: when you are walking anywhere, look each person you pass or see in the eye and smile. It's a way to remember their faces, and it can discourage a small-time thug from choosing you as a victim.

I've made this tip part of myself. When I am out and about, I look people in the eye and smile. Last year I wrote "The Culture of the Path":

There is a walking path in my town that runs the length of the street (about 2.5 miles). It is used daily.. and all day long.

BUT, most of the travelers practice a uniquely charming habit that has never been formalized. It's a variation on the standard practice of nodding when you pass someone on a p

The first time you approach a fellow traveler each person
1. makes eye contact, smiles, then
2. says "good morning/afternoon/evening".

and here's the really unique part:
because most of us walk part way up the path, then turn around and return to our cars, we often pass some of the same people a second time. and the common practice here changes:

1. make eye contact and smile again...
2. say "have a good day, now".

It's a very subtle way of acknowledging all around that "I see you, and though I've seen you and greeted you earlier today, I will likely not see you again today."

Simple. But a whole lot of sub-text exists in these phrases. And a lot of respect.

Now all but the dullest reader will see that travelling a path is an easy allegory for moving through life... How many different ways do we pass by each other?

In real life... driving on the freeways, standing in line at a store, sitting at nearby tables in the coffeeshop. Online, we might be reading blogs, making comments, reading the same mailing list. We interact in casual ways in all these situations.

All fraught with chances for misunderstandings... or ripe for finding commonality.

How can we as a SOCIETY develop habits/guidelines/methods of interaction that acknowledge each person in an inclusive way? How can we build a "community of the path" on every path in life?

Again, it demonstrated the importance to a society of looking each person in the eye and smiling.

These past three weeks I've spent time in a nursing home and time in assisted living. Many folks, to stave off boredom and loneliness, sit out in the hallways or in the lobby. Their affect is quite passive. So I again made it a point to look each one in the eye and smile as I passed them by. And like the culture of the path, I said "good morning/afternoon" to each.

Suddenly folks would sit up a little straighter; their was life in their eyes and looked once again like members of the human society. At the MILs hotel, they are beginning to recognize me; we have small interactions when I pass through.

So my suggestion for everyone along whatever path you find yourself travelling: make eye contact and smile.