Some background: As you may know, Jade Mountain's first English name was Mount Morrison, named for the captain W. Morrison who saw it as he departed Anping harbor.
Now I know what you are thinking- "But Karl, aren't you related to a line of brilliant and ridiculously talented Morrisons on your mother's side? Is there any relation to this W. Morrison?"
To tell the truth, yes.* W. Morrison was my great great grandfather. And what most people don't know is that after leaving Anping, he turned his ship (the SS Alexander) north, and proceeded to explore, map, and most importantly claim all of the islands that are currently in dispute. I have the original documents dated August 1857 which fully verify all of this.**
Now I have tried to be low-key about the dispute, but the recent media attention and unashamed territorial violations have forced my hand. Therefore, I must take any future incursions onto my sovereign territory as an act of war. I demand that all three nations: Japan, Taiwan, and China immediately renounce the respective bogus claims over what has historically always been Chaon's land. I will send a bill for reparations at a later date.
Map of the disputed Chaon Islands.
1. Chaon Cay2. Isle O’ Sweet Mullets
3. Pirate Bay. Yar.
4. Isle of Lesbos
5. Atlantis
6. Treasure Island, and by “Treasure”, we mean “Beer”
7. Scary Skerry,
8. Terrorist Fist Jab Jetty
*For a given value of 'truth'
**Let me answer the revisionists right now. My family has always been technologically advanced, and it is an established historical fact that the Morrisons wrote exclusively in 12 pt. Times New Roman font in the mid-nineteenth century. I'm sure it was not easy to do it with a quill pen, but they managed.
