Deep Thoughts by Sarah

If there are two things that really bother me, it's intellectual dishonesty, and hypocrisy.

I have always worked hard on being straightforward, accepting the truth, doing as I say and saying as I do.

But lately I've come to admit to myself that there are a great many things about which I am, indeed, hypocritical.

Which means that I'm a hypocrite about hating hypocrisy.

That is so "meta."

***UPDATE***
Don't worry, I'm not upset or anything. I'm not beating myself up. I made this observation in more of a laughing-at-myself sort of way. This is not meant to be heavy, have no concerns.

Apartment Hunting - UPDATE!

I've found an apartment! I hesitate to write about it now, because I haven't signed the contract for it, and in Israel, until one has signed the contract, the seller can pull out of the deal at will. So it's not a done deal. But we've been "in the process" for a while now . . . the seller has been a bit difficult and we had several obstacles to overcome in the negotiating process . . . I have a fantastic lawyer and a fantastic mortgage broker . . . and we're at the stage when the contract is almost finished, and I'm bringing in an engineer to look over the building structure, and I'm calling the neighbors to introduce myself (and see if any of them are crazy).

It's a very cute, renovated, 2-bedroom! It's the perfect size for one person living by herself who wants a home office as well as a bedroom, and the salon is just big enough that I can host Shabbat meals in the manner to which I was accustomed before making aliyah. (I've been living in a studio for the past four years!)

It's located in a very nice neighborhood called San Simon, down the street from a large synagogue and a 10-minute walk from a reasonably-priced supermarket and the post office. There is also a well-stocked grocery store across the street, and it is exactly a 25-minute walk to the corner of Emek Refaim Street and Rachel Imeinu. Yes, I timed it.

The only down side (other than having to walk an extra 15 minutes to my favorite hangouts, but I guess I'll live) is that it is a 4th-floor walkup. Between 4 flights of stairs and the extra 15 minutes in the walk to Emek, I'll be getting into really good shape.

Of course, the silver lining is that I have a nice view, and since I'm on the top floor I won't have to worry about who might be stomping around upstairs. Also, the Va'ad Bayit (building committee, which organizes care for common spaces) is arranging for everyone to build balconies onto their apartments, b'H within the next 2 years. It is an extra cost, but not a high one since the whole building is doing it, and I'll be able to have a succah! And a balcony with a nice view! Barbecue at my place!

And then, if the stars align correctly, perhaps they'll add an elevator.

Meanwhile, I'm so excited about the idea of having my very own place. With a salon. And an office. No more working and hosting in my bedroom!

There is, though, the issue of furniture. Once I pay for the apartment, and the broker, and the lawyer, and the mortgage broker, and the purchase tax, and the mover, and the painter (the only renovation I'm doing right now; I can't afford more and anyway the apartment, though not exactly the way I'd like it, is perfectly acceptable the way it is) . . . there's precious little left over for furnishings.

I'll need, immediately, a closet and a kitchen table, neither of which I currently own (my current place has a built-in closet, and my desk doubles as a table). And, to fully use all my new space, I'll need another closet, another bed, a sofa, coffee table, and a couple of chairs, a small dining table, and some sort of closet for coats and boots.

Did you realize that my birthday passed on August 18, and I neglected to post my annual birthday wish list? And, you know, chanukah is coming!

So I'm making a brazen request -- or, to put a more positive spin on it, giving you a chance to help with a mitzvah of yishuv ha'aretz? -- to please help me furnish my new apartment! See, on the right, I've created a "donate" button through PayPal. It's easy and fun, and of course I'll be using the new stuff to host lots of company, including visitors from abroad.

Please help me buy a couch!

Love, Sarah

Bother, Father, Hill, Heel

What American accent do you have? (Best version so far) Neutral You're not Northern, Southern, or Western, you're just plain -American-. Your national identity is more important than your local identity, because you don't really have a local identity. You might be from the region in that map, which is defined by this kind of accent, but you could easily not be. Or maybe you just moved around a lot growing up.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

I took this quiz months ago, and the result was, correctly, that I'm from the Boston area but not from Boston itself. Apparently they've tweaked the quiz because this is my new result.

Not a shocking result, since most people who find out I'm from metro-Boston say "but you don't have a Boston accent." Having parents from outside the area, and going to school with people who, almost to the person, also have parents from outside the area, is not conducive to developing a local accent.

(Hat tip: Treppenwitz)

My Letter to the New York Times

A couple of weeks ago, the Times' Real Estate section published a story about an American couple who bought a luxury apartment in Jerusalem and had it decorated by a New York designer.

The day the article came out, I sent in the following letter. Since, at this point, they clearly have no plans of publishing it, I'm sharing it with you here.

Interestingly, shortly after I sent this letter, a local Hebrew paper published a 3-page feature article on this very topic. It made me feel so "in the moment."

When Leo and Myrna Zisman’s daughter suggested buying a vacation home in Israel, they thought “Why not?” (“With Art and Color, a Home to Mirror Jerusalem,” October 24, 2007.)

Here is why not: The American demand for Jerusalem vacation homes is pricing out
those of us who live, work, and vote here. And, it is depressing to live next to
an apartment – or several apartments – that are dark for most of the year.

To Americans with money to kick around and a love for Israel, I suggest alternatives: buy Jerusalem real estate and rent it out to Israelis, so the property will be inhabited year-round; come on more vacations and patronize Israeli hotels, restaurants, taxis, and stores; start a free loan society to help Israelis buy homes in Jerusalem; or move here permanently, and turn your New York home into the vacation home. We’d certainly love to have you here!

Discuss.

My story published "All over the place"

Yesterday I added a new feather to my proverbial career cap, covering a story for a wire service.

It's not an emu feather, but close enough.

I attended the ceremonies to commemorate the 90th anniversary of the Battle for Beersheba, which I'd first read about on Treppenwitz.com, and covered the day's pageantry for the Australian Associated Press. For the connection between the story and emu feathers, you can read my story here, or get more of the historical details over at Trep.

I'm told that my work is now "popping up all over the place," though usually without my name attached. If you see it in your paper and it says "source: AAP," then that's me! Yay!

I also submitted several photos which the AAP is using (and paying extra for! Yay!)

You can see my pictures here. They are numbers AAP 810-814, and AAP 822. Considering that I'm using a high-end layperson camera rather than the $2,000 - $5,000 cameras the "real" photographers were using, I think I did OK.

And here's an extra just for readers of my blog:


Michael Ramsay of Carnoustie, Scotland explains the concept of a clan tartan to Be'er Sheva residents Eliza Frankel, 15, and her sister Deanne, 9. Behind them: Members of the Australian Light Horse Association.

It was a fun day. I want to thank the AAP for paying me to attend the events, and David von Treppenwitz for supplying me with information, several rides within and from Be'er Sheva, his internet connection, and dinner. It turned out to be an 18-hour day, and his help made it easier.

If you see my story in your local paper, please provide a link in the comments. Thanks!

A Public Etiquette Reminder to Marrieds and New Parents

Just a little public service announcement, to keep us all as thoughtful and sensitive as possible . . .

This has been said before by people better than I, but it bears repeating:

Never say anything to a single person that you wouldn't say to an infertile couple.

It's a pretty easy rule of thumb to follow, really.

If you wouldn't say "soon by you" (say, at a bris) to a couple who has been married for 8 years and hasn't had any children, then you may want to think twice before saying "soon by you" to a single person at an engagement party or a wedding. If you wouldn't say "may we hear happy news from you soon" to a woman who has been undergoing invasive fertility treatments, then avoid saying it to a person who has been dating for a long time.

Obviously, if you are tempted to say one of these phrases, then you mean really well and sincerely want this single person to be happy. But actually -- you may not realize this-- many, many singles find these phrases, if not outright painful, then annoying at best.

How about just saying "all the best to you" or "may Hashem bless you with only sweet things"? These are very kind, generic sentiments which, when said sincerely, mark you as a nice and friendly person, without drawing unfortunate and unwanted attention to the single person's state of singlehood.

In the interest of lifting us all up to higher levels of sensitivity, I would like to add an example that is not much discussed: the mass emailed birth story.

Let me explain what I'm not talking about.

Birth announcements are great. A formal card or an email which announces the birth is clearly something that you would send, even to people struggling with infertility (if they are close to you), because, after all, the fact that you had a baby is important news to anyone who cares about you.

For example, the following sort of text is, I would guess, always welcome:

"I'm pleased to announce that my wife Rachel gave birth on Monday night at 4:30 am to a beautiful little boy. All went well, thank God, and mother and baby are fine (if more than a little tired). Rachel and the baby are expected to come home this afternoon, and the naming will take place tomorrow morning at Congregation Shomea Tefilla. Details about the bris are forthcoming. May we all share happy occasions. All the best, Josh Cohen."

From this short email we know a lot of information, either stated or implied: that the baby has arrived, it is a boy, it is healthy, and that Rachel Cohen has had a normal birth -- that is, an extremely tiring and probably very painful experience which resulted, miraculously, in the emergence of a precious new human being. We know that the couple was up all night. We know that the father has survived the experience and is very happy and has lived to write this email. We know that Rachel and Avraham consider us to be close enough friends that they want to keep us informed of this very important event in their lives, and that they will continue to inform us of events that have communal import, such as the bris.

In other words, we know all that we really need to know, and perhaps then some. All the important points are included. Anything that is really our business, and which keeps us feeling emotionally close to the couple, is included in those five lines.

If, God forbid, something had gone wrong, I think it would be appropriate to indicate such, perhaps like this:

"The baby is doing fine. Unfortunately, Rachel had some complications and will remain in the hospital for a few more days, but we expect that we'll all be reunited at home next week. Her mom is in town helping out, so we're doing OK on the food end (thanks to everyone who offered to cook), but we could use some babysitting help for our older kids in the early afternoons if anyone is available."

This announcement is a good one because, in my opinion, it is safe to assume that those who care about the couple at any level will want to know how the mom is really doing and why she's not coming home yet, and how they can help. Those who are very, very close to the couple might feel comfortable calling to find out details about what happened . . . and those who are squeamish or not quite that close to the couple can send best wishes (or offer to help, without finding out details of what is going on).

The key is to share news, without making anyone feel that you are divulging Too Much Information . . .

. . . and without making any of your friends who are struggling to have children, or who are in their 30's or 40's and unmarried and therefore do not have a chance to have children, know that you are so incredibly happy about the new baby, floating so high in the mists of rapture and exhaustion and physical trauma and wonder and stress and complete disbelief that this tiny little person is your responsibility, and did I mention exhaustion? and awe? and stress? that you have forgotten that they are unable to experience those feelings themselves, and might be feeling sad about that.

Here is what I am talking about. I don't know why anyone writes mass emails such as the following, but when they do, I really, really hope they do not include infertile couples on their recipient list:

Mild contractions started on Saturday right after kiddush. My mom had arrived on Friday, just in time. The pains got stronger and slightly more frequent on Sunday, but I was feeling pretty good and we actually went shopping. Water broke and we decided to go to the hospital on Monday at 5 pm . . . this was the name of our nurse . . . and our midwife arrived at 6:30 . . . and I didn't get any drugs, though by midnight I was sorely tempted. . . hard labor lasted for 3 hours, I started pushing at 4 am . . . he came out slick and crying and beautiful and the midwife said it was the most peaceful birth she'd ever attended . . .

I have a therapist friend who encourages new mothers to write down their birth stories. It helps the mom process this profound event, and of course it is really nice, down the road, to have the details that otherwise one might forget over time. The story is a treasured and precious memory to write down, and to hold on to.

Giving birth is a big deal. Writing down the story is a healthy and helpful thing to do for the family, and perhaps for any extremely close friends who really want to hear the entire event from beginning to end.

And . . . if you are ever tempted to send this sort of text out in a mass email, please be very careful when creating the recipient list, and ask yourself "for whom is this too much information?"

It's so easy, when you have so much going on, to just choose all your friends from the address book and press "send" . . . and for very understandable reasons you are in a haze right now . . . and you are, indeed, safe in assuming that any normal person would be happy for you, because who wouldn't be? . . . so how impressive and amazing and gracious would it be if, in the most profound moment of your life, you take a moment to consider the feelings of others? No one expects this of you, but it would indeed be extremely gracious.

Remember, if you would not say it to an infertile couple, don't say it to a single person who is, oh, say, 35 years old and might seriously never have children unless something changes soon, and who might not feel comfortable knowing how many minutes you were pushing. (I'm just sayin'.)

Oh, and mazal tov on the new baby! May he/she quickly learn to sleep through the night, and may he/she grow up to Torah and good deeds . . . and chuppah, please God.

Peace.

Brother/Sister, can you spare some space in your suitcase?

If you live in the States, and are coming to Jerusalem in the next few weeks, and would kindly help a poor blogger by allowing me to have an order of catalogue clothing sent to you so you can bring me new clothes in your suitcase (it's 4 skirts and 4 shirts) please let me know in the comments or email me at chayyeisarah at yahoo dot com.

I'd of course come to you to pick them up at any Jerusalem location convenient for you.

Tizku l'mitzvot.

Sarah

The Muppets Take Rosh Hashanah *** NOW WITH UPDATE***



I can't catch all the lyrics, but I think they are a little, em, less appropriate than what is normally included in "Happy New Year" wishes. But, heck, they are in Hebrew, mostly, so they sound holy.

The point is, Shana tova. Mana mana.

Hee hee.

(Hat tip: Lisa A.)

***UPDATE***

OK, after watching this video waaaay too many times, here is a partial translation, the best I can do:

Shanah Tova ("Have a good year") x3

I wish you a year that is good and restful
You should merit to (live) another year
You should merit girls and eight something

Shanah Tova x3

something something girls
at least two
and with one of them I will go out to drink
uh-huh, yeah

Shana Tova x3

something something something
something something your sisters
that you should not go out into the street
two something hashish
something

Shana Tova x3

English rap verse

Shana Tova x3 and then to fadeout (or exit, in this case)

As you can see, my Hebrew is improving very slowly. Still, it's better than I could have done 4 years ago.

Shana tova. :-)

"Baruch Dayan HaEmet" and "Urgh"

For the last several years, I've been reading a fantasy epic by Robert Jordan called "The Wheel of Time." At 11 books and counting (not including the prequel or other complementary works), the story has thousands of characters, countless tiny subplots, and a rich world with multiple countries and cultures, several different kinds of wizards/witches with different codes, good guys who sometimes act bad, good guys who turn out to be bad guys, and good guys who seem to be acting for some crazy agenda of their own. The characters are drawn so richly that I swear I would recognize any of them if I passed them on the street.

For a long time, fans have been after the author to finish the story, as it truly was becoming too unwieldy (more than twice the length of the Harry Potter series) and it was coming time to wrap it up. Jordan promised that he'd finish in one more book, and millions of people around the world looked forward to the climactic battle between good and evil.

Then Jordan got sick. Very sick. He kept a blog letting fans know how he is doing, and in between the bad days when he could hardly function, he kept working on the book. He knew how important this series is to his fans, and it seemed that the task of finishing was helping to keep him alive.

Yesterday, he died.

I have to admit that I'm very impressed by the level of maturity among the commenters at his blog. His fans have expressed sadness at his death, admiration of his character, and sympathy for his wife and other family members.

This is all true and appropriate, and I share it. Jordan was an extraordinarily imaginative and talented man, and the way he approached his illness was inspiring.

And, also, I am really really upset that now we'll never know how the story ends. Yes, I know this is selfish and all, but I think that I speak for thousands of others -- who are more tactful than I am -- when I say that I am so, so, so upset that now there is no chance for a proper denoument. It's as if Return of the Jedi ended just at the scene when Luke leaves Endor to go meet up with Darth Vader, and then the credits roll. What a tease!

What makes it even worse is the idea -- nay, the surity -- that dozens or hundreds of fans will write mediocre "fan fiction" endings. Ooog. I can't bear it.

I'm thinking about lovingly wrapping up all my Wheel of Time books and putting them safely into storage, since just seeing them on my shelves raises feelings of frustration.

Rest in Peace, Robert Jordan. You were a good man.

And to anyone else who writes epic fantasies: Always write an outline and put it somewhere under lock and key, in case you die!

UPDATE: According to Jordan's blog, before he died he gave a 2 1/2 hour verbal account of the entire rest of the story to two of his family members. I hope this is true and that they took good notes.

My latest story

Rosh Hashanah, spent at the home of very special friends, was terrific.

Here's my latest story for the Israel Travel supplement of The Jewish Week.

Happy New Year!