no. i'm not back. i just decided to make an official "goodbye". i have always been upset when people i have become attached to online just disappear. and i didn't mean to be one of those people, even though i am not sure it was noticed. if so, i'm sorry.

i am still in San Antonio, same job, same little apartment, same wandering and snapping of houses (now with an iPhone rather than my beloved iPod - which is now in the hands of Betsy), same struggles with enough time for studio work. same lonely alien. life seems a bit of a struggle and i question some of my decisions of the last year and a half. but as always ... onward.

this public journal will now be closed. i still moan and ramble and make pictures in my locked journal, the same old livejournal - and i am on facebook and instagram (minimally) - feel free to ask. i would probably love to see you there if i don't already. my etsy shop is closed and my website has been hacked again. when i am feeling more artful, i will likely resurface to the public. it will be announced. thank you. always.

images from a new land ...

this morning i thought i must have moved to paradise. not only (within a few walking blocks) is there the BEST grocery in the city (sorry, Whole Foods, but ...), and several buses and all kinds of shops and even a pear tree, right on my block!, there is also a LARGE red brick catholic university! if you know me, you know how that delights me. so i went out walking this morning. i almost took my real cammie, but the batteries have not survived a certain lack of attention, so only the ipod went with me.

 

while i was walking, at the back of the grounds, i heard ethnic music and drumming. such liveliness for 9am!! so i followed a path and crossed a red bridge over a ravine and came upon a mass of people. with flowered headdresses - some with rebozos and flounced skirts. all with running shoes. it was the end party for the Free-Da 5K Run/Walk! to celebrate Frieda's birthday and to support the arts. it was so awesome. people let me take their picture and asked if i would take theirs with their cammies. (of course i did) it was so jolly!

 

after i left and crossed back over the bridge - i saw a white heron - and found the nun's cemetery.

 

then my sister came to visit and we went to a great place for lunch - La Gloria IceHouse - at the Pearl (Brewery) Complex - not too far from my new home. we walked around and bought some Aveda scent and she bought a cookie cutter for making ceramic tiles. now i am drinking cold white pinot grigio and *still* unpacking. i love San Antonio!!!!!

(ps - i have just had the most difficult time making this entry - last night it was impossible, so finally accomplished this morning, despite constant messages from Blogger telling me my browser was no longer compatible, i should choose Chrome now. well poop on *that* - don't tell me i can't use Firefox for Google stuff or i will just stop using Google stuff - i hate that world domination attitude. that is why i never set foot in WalMart. so i don't know - i never liked the terms "blogger" and "blogspot" anyway. i may soon move along to a new format...)

goodbye sweet little town

what happened to me? where did i go? am i back? i don't know! if i am, it will all be different. because life is about to change AGAIN. my year in limbo is over (sort of. another period is starting, but it will not be as long-lasting).

in the last month, in between shuttling myself around to interviews, family visits, etc, i have been In The ArtBarn. i don't remember if i wrote about the new big canvases i was building there while my sisters were beginning new mosaic/ceramic pieces? i have wanted to work BIG for a long time, but it is soooo intimidating. and expensive. i have kept all of my stretchers and old canvases from painting class. then a huge roll of canvas appeared in my sister's horse barn - a gallon of Golden gel medium was discovered - then a gallon of gesso. my sisters goaded me and i had no excuses! so i spent my pennies on inkjet cartridges and went crazy. i am building some wild new stuff. it is big and it is fun and i will show it eventually, but right now i am very very protective of the work. it is similar to the things i have had on etsy - funny reconstructed places, made from my pictures, but man, when you work big you can say a lot more ... it has been such fun, all of us working together.

and then, i was offered a great job. and i start it in two days. in San Antonio. which means another packing up and moving and a whole new life to get used to. i'm pretty excited! part of me is terrified, of course, but the job will be in an environment that i have familiarity with, in a city i wanted to be in and i am no longer afraid of "losing my art" working full time again. i have realized that i flounder with no structure. i have wasted so much time this past year.

i can't WAIT to live in San Antonio again!!! i was born there and have been back and forth for many years and now i am going to settle there. i AM. and i am SO excited about wandering and making pictures there! for a couple of months, i have felt sort of stale here, no new discoveries, no new pictures, but now i know i am leaving, i have different eyes and will probably miss this sweet little town. i am glad one of my sisters is here and i can come back ANY TIME.

 

 

 

 

 

 

during our all-too-brief trip to New Orleans, there was not a great deal of time for the type of photoWandering i generally love to do when away. there was also a great deal of rain! but, no complaints, we managed! the last morning was humid and cool and i crawled out of the bed in our haunted 19th century room early, so i could have at least an hour in our new and interesting neighborhood - the Lower Garden District. i have learned that in interesting neighborhoods, i must learn to accept the details of contemporary life - huge plastic trashbins, chainlink fences, countless utility lines - so i acknowledge these details as part of compositions now. but cars. NO. i cannot accept cars. they just don't fit with these old places.

ps - apologies for the short disappearance. i am trying to rethink my "online presence" lately and though i still want to share my images and artwork, i really want to minimize the ... rambling ... and personal information, so am doing editing and elimination of archives. 

 

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stone ladies : metairie cemetery : new orleans louisiana : april 2012

what can i say? i love the stone ladies in cemeteries. the abundance of them here, in the Metairie Cemetery, overwhelmed me. absolutely. next time, i will plan to spend half a day there (and hopefully not on a gloomy wet evening which was an excellent atmosphere, but not so good for images! these have so inspired me, that i am in the process of turning them into small waxed objects.

i am still absolutely in love with new orleans.
despite her miseries - of which we viewed many.

i vow to never again stay away for seven years.

more pictures to follow.
(of course)

the wildflowers in the hill country of Texas this spring have been insane. i have really never seen anything like it. yesterday, driving from F-burg to SA, i am sure i saw 24 varying species along the roadside. so amazing. then, when i dropped my rent check in the mail box at the post office later in the evening, i looked over to the Catholic Cemetery and thought something was wrong with my sunglasses. that weird blue/gray color over everything. well ... the cemetery was LOADED with bluebonnets. dense, snakey and shocking. i could not believe it. so this morning i hiked back with my bigGirl cammie and we had lots of fun. i was very careful. fire ants and snakes are NOT fun!

but bluebonnets are. as are cemeteries. what a delightful combo.

what i have been doing this month
(besides applying for jobs, some manual labor for my sisters, driving my mama around to the doc's and out to lunch, trying to have a positive attitude and all kinds of etc)

i have been cleaning out a big box of paper ephemera and leftover photos and all kinds of strangeness that i could just not bear to put into the trash before i left kansas. i *did* put a LOT in the trash, but some, i couldn't. and i *still* couldn't, even here, cleaning up, still trying to release some of this artMess. so i used it in the most obsessive way. along with all my scraps of watercolor paper and card stock - some old paints and stickers. oil pastels. pretty much fun! the box is now half empty and i have over 50 completely reversible collages in various sizes, all smelling sweetly of beeswax.

ha. i guess i will get some waxed paper and store them away now. until i find a crusty old wall that i can hammer small rusty nails into and hang them all up at once. that would be nice.

what next, i wonder?

gosh. it's been a while, hmm? i've not had too much to share. my March photo folder is just pitiful. not many words either. a bit too much solitude for a while, but getting better. manual labor is a healthy activity and i have been doing lots of it in my sister's yard. lots of rain, but that is GOOD (even if a bit depressing after days and days of gray and damp), because it means WILDFLOWERS - especially bluebonnets. and peach orchards ... and bright green edges to the highway. spring is here and it is lovely in Texas.

otherwise, same as it ever was ... juggling life's balls, some good, some bad. but spring and the song of the white winged dove are generating a greater sense of possibility. and what could be finer than my fortune cookie today?

"Be prepared to accept a wondrous opportunity in the days ahead!"

i AM! bring it ON! and thank you.

how it goes : fredericksburg trade days : texas : feb.2012

not too much to update, yet i feel compelled to do it. a slow week, with an interesting detour to austin one day (cross fingers). then -- recovering (cough sniff cough), hiking, cooking brown rice, housecleaning, organizing and minimizing, and yes ... painting. please ignore the painting below, the one we discussed. (and the one i am so grateful for comments upon) yes, i worked it a bit more and now it is in the trash, along with many others. i don't feel one bit bad about it. i worked them and tried things and stepped back to see how it would go and it went so badly that it wasn't even worth gluing book pages on and starting over. they get to that point, you know. so OUT! and onward... but i am learning, and for now, continuing. i realize that i really really long to combine painting and my photos, but so far, every attempt = "and then i glued a picture on!" that is not what i want. the integration is so important. i have seen it done well and i know it can work, but so far, not for me. however, onward. as always.

where else is there to go?

last night my sisters and i decided to have a girl's night out at a local Event. the Magnolia Pearl Fashion Show Imaginarium at the new Carol Hicks Bolton Laboratoire in Fredericksburg. Magnolia Pearl is a local designer of the most amazing raggedyPrincess clothing. we have followed her for a while, especially as she lives out in the hill country near my mother and one sister. she is a local sweetheart (yes, she really seems very sweet!) and we have liked the Carol Bolton Homestead stores and their variations for years. interiors for raggedyPrincesses. this seemed like it would be a delightful combination and it was.

i broke down and bought a new Hipstamatic Disposable for 99 cents for the occasion and finally have one that i like. it was perfect for this magicky event and i wish i had made *all* of my pictures with it, instead of swapping around with another camera and another iPod setting. now i have many interesting images, but they don't match! ergh.

it was a peopleWatching extravaganza. you will note that i was very brave about shooting people. well, look at the size of those wine glasses! that helped...

it was really quite amazing. i wish i had a closetful of those garments and a lifestyle to match.

ps - no shots of the actual fashion show, because i didn't have a great spot and i was too busy watching!

chronicles of a dangerously wretched day :: chapter 2
8" x 10" mixed media

i am not sure how i feel about doing this. if you have read me for a while, you know my struggles with ... painting. sure, i can make an awesome image, or a curious collage, all kinds of silly cut-uppery. but painting ... help! although i long desperately to do it. i don't know why. i don't want to paint *things* - puppies, people, flowers, landscapes, etc. i don't even want to paint crusty old houses, the ones i love so much. i just want to make color and marks and texture.

occasionally i take it upon myself to give it a good wrestle.

so for the last week, while i have been having an irritating relapse of whatever bug bit me a couple of weeks ago, i have starting "playing" (ie - tormenting myself) with paints. most of my output was put into the garbage earlier this week. but a few i kept working on. like this one - one of a triptych with small epilogue. i'm not sure it is finished. since i last worked on it, i have discovered new textures and processes, so i might do more. so maybe this is still in progress.

i don't think i have ever shown a painting in progress in my public journal. maybe not even a painting at all? so this is a big deal to me. (if it lasts here later than midnight. ha.)

i can't bear to work on straight white canvas, so i put old paper down first. in retrospect, i wish the paper were not so even and balanced, but more ragged. i think the background is way too muddy, not the delicate layers i wished for. i love the glops though. since i am so intimidated by the brush and the paint, i started making monoprints, layering those. and they are BIG FUN. i LOVE randomness - and this is the ultimate in random surprise. the gold glitter looks odd on scan, but sweet in reality. i am not sure if i will finish with a gloss varnish or beeswax. i am not sure if there need to be more marks. i am quite fond of pencil marks. hmmm...

anyway, critique, questions, suggestions. all welcome.
gulp.

i can't remember if i showed any of these objects as i was making them last summer. an entire series based on ipodographs of my new town and beautyHouse magazines. lots of them are now on etsy (click the pic). there are also lots of framed ones, pale colors - pinkish. but i am not sure about listing them there, because the shipping might be silly $$. still thinking about that... but these black ones are rather good, i think. dark and light. as my mood alternated last summer. (and continues)

listening to the treeButchers this morning. so afraid i will go around the corner and see the lovely sprawling live oak ... gone.

and then to the country, to take my poor mama off for yet another test at the crack of dawn. i think when my time comes, i will not fight so hard. i will just curl up in bed with books and wait to go. hell, i won't be able to afford all those tests. but books, at least, i hope!

regardless. onward.

industrial mason. plus one.
(finished! what next?)

mason tx houses
they are so authentic. i like them.

yesterday i made a little roadtrip for myself. maybe this was the first time i have done this since i moved here? gone out specifically to see something new and wander and make pictures? if so, i'm crazy! it is my most soothing activity and i had a lovely day and i need to do it WAY more often. i went to a town long ago recommended by a fellow Texan. Mason TX. Jennifer said i would love it. and she was so right.

there are lots of pictures. i am not making picture sets on my old website now and i haven't figured out how i want to do the new one, so they will be here. not all at once, of course! everyone would hate me! i am very happy with them. it was good.

part one : mason doors and windows