ECLIPSEBABY

We had 2 part event, traditional bataknese upa-upa and the other one is prayers and haircut. Now she has (almost) bald spots around her head and I couldn’t bring myself to cut the rest *sigh*. To make matters worse, people keep asking me when she will get pierced. I couldn’t even cut her hair, and now you expect me to jab a hole through her ears? Don’t hold your breath.

Oh and since day 40 each week we take turns sleeping at each other’s house, to make things fair for the grandparents. If u ask me, I wanna stay at my parent’s until my baby’s one or two year old, or until they get another grandchild from my sister. They are extremely happy whenever she’s around, and I’m happy being able to make them happy. Plus I’m daddy’s (and recently mommy’s) girl and I get homesick easily and it breaks my heart every time I said goodbye. Great, now I feel like crying.

We stayed at my parents’ house, I took care of her without the help of nanny/babysitter, until these following events:

Day 6 – she sounded like she had trouble breathing, so we took her to the hospital, only to be sent right back home. The nurses said that it is normal for a newborn baby to have leftover phlegm inside her throat. Best thing to do is to have her sunbath regularly and it will come out by itself through sneezes/coughs.

Day 7 – I was mortified when I first saw her vomiting milk through her mouth AND NOSE.

Day 10 – she choked while stretching her body. Couldn’t breathe, she opened her mouth but no sounds came out, eyes all wide and teary, it was one of the scariest moment in my life.

I’ve had enough of these things, it’s so stressful not being able to close my eyes for a second without worrying about whether she breathe or not. I finally asked dad to borrow one of his nurse from the hospital, and he gave me the most experienced one *thank you daddy*. She helped me from 7-11am until Kei’s one month old. She massaged, sunbathed, cleaned and washed her and taught me how to do all of that. I was able to take a rest, even quick naps, and find some time to take care of myself, stitches and all. Thank you nurse Nita! *hugs*

We named her Keilana Raqilla Siregar.

Keilana (Hawaiian) means The Adored One
Raqilla (Arabic) means The One Who Always Do Kindness
Siregar (Traditional) means she’s 50% (and I repeat, ONLY 50%) Bataknese. The other half is a mixture of Javanese, Sundanese and Banjarmasin(nese? haha).

i hope she'll grow up to be a wonderful person.

It was a quiet Tuesday noon, when my tummy twitched every 12mins or so. I didn’t think it was contraction because it didn’t hurt as much as I thought a contraction would feel. When the twitching gets closer to 8-10mins I called mom to ask if maybe I should check with my OB (it was not scheduled until Friday, or the next Monday, I forgot). She went straight home and took me to the hospital, straight into delivery suite. The nurses CTG-ed me, phoned the OB and back with the result, saying that the OB suggest that “we should do the surgery as soon as possible, and that is 7pm, tonight”. It was originally scheduled for 4-5pm but they had to switch schedule with the later patient because my OB wanted a pediatrician who is skilled to work with small babies to work with him, and she’s only available around 7pm. Yes my baby is small, on the last USG the week before, she won’t gain any more weight and apparently I’m running out of water and the placenta is getting old, so instead of the original EDD which is around the second week of November, he wanted to do the surgery early, but we didn’t thought it would be THIS early.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim, hoping that things would go as planned, I agree to have the surgery. I didn’t feel scared at all. I was more anxious and a bit nervous about the preparation for the surgery itself. I mean, what if the anesthesia went horribly wrong and I would feel the blade cutting through my flesh??

Anyway I didn’t feel any flesh being cut open but I did smell something burned, which is ME. I felt a giant movement in my tummy, and a bit of chest pain when they pushed my abdomen hard, but that’s it. Seconds later I heard the sound of suction, sucking something slimy, then a small cry, and then things went quiet. I waited, and waited, and waited to see my baby, but it turned out she was brought into NICU and placed inside an incubator. I didn’t get to see her until Thursday, and meanwhile, all I can do is stare at her pics n watch her videos. Felt unreal, even after I went into the Intermediate Care looking for her, saw her, and touched her for the first time. Still can’t believe that she’s here. For real. My baby. MINE.

August-October 2010


Actually the due date is early November, around 1-8.

Week 28 peanut di USG 4D. We were all excited to know the details (read:face), tapi pas USG lil pea malah nutupin mukanya pake lengan, n she wont budge. Krn mahal mungkin dokternya ga enak kalo pulang tanpa hasil (well ada hasilnya sih, kan keliatan tangan kaki n other organs n they all looked normal, Alhamdulillah), he asked me to come back the next week.

Week 29 USG 4D percobaan ke-2, kali ini dianterin namboru (mom in-law), lagi2 peanut nutupin mukanya, kali ini pake tangan DAN 2 kaki gendut2nya yg disilang depan muka. Crap. Akhirnya ikhlas aja deh liat premier perdananya pas delivery aja.

Now’s week 31, and the appetite is back. Too bad there aren’t always foods available around me. Beberapa hari ini nginep di in-laws, makanannya pedes semua, jadi seringan pesen Egg Chicken Roll (lama2 kere deh). Pengen banget makan seafood & minum es kopyor. Kemaren2 malah lebih parah, pengennya minuman yg banyak es-nya. Jadilah minum tehbotol pake es yg banyak, minum SUSU SODA yg esnya juga segunung.. kalo udah keburu ga sabar nunggu susu kental manisnya defrost, kadang Sprite pake es aja, esnya lagi2 yg banyak. Parah mulutnya ga bisa diatur… Bener2 kaya ga peduli pantangan, kadang2 kalo lagi pengen bisa makan indomi kriting ayam panggang terus2an.. drink coke, rootbeer float, eat sushi (kalo yg ini masih bisa nahan ga makan sashimi… lately senengnya back to the good ol’ jumbo dragon roll).

This weekend I’m scheduled to see the practitioner. Hope the progress is good, I gain more weight, and peanut’s healthy.

May-July 2010


Doing better. One thing that keeps haunting me is constipation. That, and varicose veins. Bloody hell, they showed up everywhere! Feet, arse, crotch, gaaaaahhhhhhh….. I couldn’t stand straight and sit properly. Masih malah. Oh I gained 3kilos. I’m such a bad pregger. Kadang ga doyan makan nasi+lauk, maunya nyemil aja (that explains 3 toples putri salju keju yg satu toplesnya abis in less than 3 days). I also had this weird craving, beberapa hari berturut2 harus minum es kelapa muda /kelapa ijo. Trus jadi doyan banget tempe goreng, bawang bombay (di teriyaki) dan daun bawang muda di risoles Zangrandi/Lumpia.

The changes I felt, yg paling berasa, adalah gak bisa kepanasan. Dikit2 gerah. Even AC kamar pia yg freezing aja rasanya sepoi2. Pengen berenang belom kesampean.

Oh and peanut is a girl :)

February-April 2010


Didn't know I was pregnant, I went to Singapore (4-9/03/10), ate and drank all kinds of stuff (“accidentally” tried smoked bacon sausage –oink!- with mashed potato and gravy, that's the most delicious sausage i've ever had, period), power walked everywhere, lari2 ngejar MRT, kaya orang ga hamil aja deh. Lucky I didn’t miscarriage.

Around week 6, I went to Bandung-Sumedang with my family. Bumpy ride. Papapeanut made it very clear that he’s not happy with me yg udah ada peanut tapi tetep maksa pengen ikut ke Bandung. WISATA KULINEEEER! Lagipula kangen resto Yoe Fu di Sumedang… yumm

By the end of March, penyakitnya muncul. Hospitalized 3 times in 6 weeks @RSPI. It was hell. Had to endure the most painful treatment, 2 blood transfusion, 2 minor surgeries with only anastesi lokal DAN UDAHANNYA GA BOLE DIKASIH PAINKILLER. All because of the baby, who’s still very fragile. They had a nurse from the maternity ward to check on the baby with a Doppler 3 times a day. Sometimes her heart beats normally, sometimes weak, sometimes too fast, which adds to my already sky high stress level. I was in so much pain and so many medications back then it surprised me how the little one managed to survive. I guess there IS miracle for babies.

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

Logically, people are looking for someone who can help them become a better person.

But some people just settles for anyone available.


WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

~"She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly"~
Brick by Ben Folds Five

On the day I was born, Said my father, said he,
I've an elegant legacy waitin' for ye
'Tis a rhyme for your lips, and a song for your heart
To sing it whenever the world falls apart:

Look, look,
Look to the rainbow,
Follow it over the hill and the stream..
Look, look
Look to the rainbow,
Follow the fellow who follows a dream.

'Twas a sumptuous gift to bequeath to a child
Oh the lure of that song kept her feet runnin' wild
For you never grow old and you never stand still,
With whippoorwills singin' beyond the next hill.

So I bundled me heart, and I roamed the world free
To the east with the lark, to the west with the sea
And I've searched all the earth, and I've scanned all the skies
But I found it at last in me own true love's eyes.

Look, look,
Look to the rainbow,
Follow it over the hill and the stream..
Look, look
Look to the rainbow,
Follow the fellow who follows a dream.

Decided to quit 1 job and focus on getting more rest.

Bought this thick-ass pregnancy book out of excitement, called “What to expect when you’re expecting”. Got sleepy everytime i tried to read it. So i bought another one with more pictures and less writings. Cheaper too.

Roadtrip, Jakarta-Bandung- Sumedang-Jakarta. Dead tired. Plus i got 3 huge ulcers near my crotch. Fabulous! *kicked some random kitten*

there's actually more stories bout this roadtrip but i'm in a hurry so LATER!

I’m 6 weeks pregnant. 6 weeks and 2 days, to be exact. Saw the lil wonder this morning @the Obgyn during USG. I decided to call it “peanut”.

Both test packs are positive.

The test pack is negative.

i don't know whether to feel relieved or disappointed.

Just got home from singapore few days ago. Failed to bring home not even ONE bag of Twix *beating myself up with a stick*

I managed to bring home 5 new pairs of shoes and a new cellphone, though. Will post dem pics later.

Unagi Don at Lucky Plaza food court is heaven. S$5 and worth every cent. i ate 5 times in 4 days. I also found Lychee Mogu-mogu and Oreo McFlurry. yay!

More stories bout sing-trip later!


Meanwhile, I missed my Zoo World. It’s the only *computer* fun i had and it annoys me that people are starting to catch up and there’s nothing i can do about it (well unless i move back to G3, which isnt gonna happen until my health shows enough improvement).

Congratz Senaz for her recently published compilation book, about moslems in The Netherlands. If its anything like your blog, i’m sure people are gonna enjoy it 

Living in my parent’s house is always good. It takes my mind off stuff. Who knows, maybe the nurturing environment will work its wonders with me. Fingers crossed.

Pia bought a Gemini Blackberry phone. So that leaves me as the only one in my family who doesnt use BB. And the only one in my circle of friends who still uses a 6 yo Nokia 6260 flip phone since the it first came out in 2004. I feel kinda left out.

The concert went great. The musicians really come through, thanks guys :D now if only i can make time to upload d pics....

I've been bustin' my ass cleaning this dump, and all i ask was for you to come straight home, which is more than an hour ago. And you couldn't even do that. "But we're still talking" is not even a reason. Frankly, i don't give a damn how important you think the conversation was, all i know is it's 9PM on a friday night, i'm dead tired and all alone in a house that isn't mine.

IT SUCKS. You suck.

- Teach the Saturday Class
- Meet Ceki, come up with a design for my concert gown
- Fabric shopping. And accessories! this should be fun
- Meet Ayu and the musicians
- Off to Mendy's, and spend the night there

I hope the TC brings a significant progress to all of us :-)

I give up. I need a break.

been doing tons of laundry and its suddenly started raining *thanks*
the house is like a dump, i can't stand it anymore. gotta start cleaning up, then I'll allow myself a good long nap. after i ordered something to eat. God the agony of living alone.

I've finished the antibiotics, and today i decided to rest my tiny body. Right after i clean the house *sigh*. I really, really hope this year I'll get much healthier cos there's so much i wanna do.

On a much brighter note: Yesterday's rehearsal went well, I'm quite happy with the result. This is starting to get pretty exciting, and I'm all pumped with positivity. Even when this morning one of the guitarist text me his resignation, said he gotta work on his own album, I didn't mind, I'll just look for another guitarist and work with what we've got.

I don't know what your problems are, but i hope you find a solution fast, and please stop complaining about imaginary things that others might or might not do. Stop spinning things in your head and creating problems that doesn't really exist.

Here's an idea: Try giving people the benefit of the doubt. Or stay off the computer, whichever works for you.

irritated.

1) This afternoon i went to get my blood checked. Not at the usual place, its kind of an emergency. And only the HS-CRP cause i'm already anemic and i don't wanna waste any drop of blood i have left. Then the stupid lady took THREE vials without asking my permission. And without giving me any proper explanation afterward. She mumbled something and chuckled and left. WTF?! I already detested her from the start cause she's acting like she owns the damn place. I swear to God, yours and mine, i'll never go back to that place again. Fkin bloodsuckers.

2) Waiting for the blue cab but all i get was one of those white cab. It's almost as good, usually, but not this time. Smells. Feels like i was sitting in a giant ashtray. And he improvised the route after i specifically told him where to go. We ended up stuck in the middle of kemang's traffic.

3) We ordered dinner, and had it delivered. The food came. Not what we ordered.

4) There's another one but that's a whole 'nother story.


Can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring. Pffft.

this past couple of years, i feel like i'm disconnected from the old social life. My old friends seems busy with each of their lives. Some are working hard (and spending hard as well), some grew up, some decided to keep acting childish (which doesn't really add up to their old look), and sure enough, some decided to continue being the world's greatest A-hole. Why i'm still friends with them, i've no idea. Maybe i'll just stop now.

Me? i work moderately. 4 days a week, earning enough money to live decently. Not enough to buy fancy stuff or go on a fancy trip across the world. Luckily i'm not looking for happiness in fancy stuff n fancy trips. Lately i try to appreciate small things more. I can afford a decent baking equipment and every month i'm able to buy ingredients & make stuff. I'm happy. I have a beyoootiful piano sitting in the livingroom. I'm happy. I have the greatest family. I'm blessed. I'm friends with people who appreciate friendship, good music, and me, so i'm happily fulfilled :)

2010, i'm saying byebye to those so-called friends who's too stupid/too stuck-up to act like one, and give the extra love to these people who, when they ask me how i'm doing, they actually care.