Epitome

Sunday, February 8, 2009

What Doesn't Kill Me, (indeed) Makes Me Stronger

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche was a madman at his death--the way he finished the last nearly eleven years of his life; but he is attributed with the saying, "That which does not kill us, makes us stronger," and "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger," and variants.

This man was an ardent enemy of Christianity and never saw the light of Christ, but I think he no doubt got a lot of philosophy right, including this one.

And this quote is entirely biblical. We can find Bible verse upon Bible verse to support the fact that Nietzsche was actually propounding the Word of God even though he hated Christianity and the thought of God. (For a start see John 16:33; James 1:2-4; Galatians 6:9 and many others similar.)

Whatever we endure with patiently in life comes around eventually in our favour. And this is where faith comes in. The faith of trust, hope, courage, boldness and confidence. Nietzsche therefore had faith and arguably a God-grounded faith though he never knew it. I'd call upon the Biblical Wisdom tradition to support this assertion.

Faith that gets us through the toughest of times with a "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" approach requires hope, a sense of love (at least self-love), courage and more.

It's only when we look back though that we can see 'afterwards' how far we've come and how much we've endured. In fact, Hebrews 12 attributes the tough times in life as the Lord's loving discipline, and the key to our endurance as humbly accepting his love in growing us to maturity. Verse 11 says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

We must remain and abide in God no matter what--even when it makes no sense. What doesn't kill me, inevitably makes me stronger because God loves me so much he wants me to reach my potential.

It seems heartbreakingly untenable though, to think of how tough some situations of loss and hardship can be--yet this truth still holds; it is not simply a cliche. We will survive and become stronger if we endure.

Over to Rudyard Kipling for part of an old favourite, "If":

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm

One Very Good Reason to Listen More

Listening... It’s a tired old subject isn’t it? There aren’t any relationship or communications courses without a plethora of material on ‘effective listening.’ It’s enough to make you... well... plain sick of the subject.

Yet, it’s not going away.

Notwithstanding all the good reasons for effective listening, there is one more. Perhaps you hadn’t considered it. I hadn’t; well perhaps implicitly I had, but not consciously.

This reason is that we can actually learn more by listening. It is simply so we can actually learn from those we choose to be in conversation with.

Now, for this reason to be supported we’d need to listen to people who we can actually learn from i.e. we listent because there is something we want to learn and we consider the person authoritative enough to edify us.

Isn’t it funny, however, the majority of people who do have an opinion don’t have what we need--that is quality, factual data. Added to this, their opinions are mostly slanted to their own skewed perceptions.

So, the people we can learn from have two attributes at least. 1) they know what they’re talking about through a healthy mix of earned and learned knowledge, skills and experience, and 2) their views can be trusted as being balanced; and therefore, overall, they’re authoritative in their subject area.

If we truly want to grow to our potential we have to find these people and mix with them and listen to them, allowing their knowledge and what they’re modelling to seep through into our minds and hearts.

If you can do this you, “make your friends your teachers and mingle the pleasures of conversation with the advantages of instruction.” –Balthasar Gracian.

The best thing though is our lives become interesting and full of inspiration. We must surround ourselves with people we can learn from and avoid those we can’t learn from, unless that is, we’re in the capacity of helping these.

“I don’t have a view” on that Issue

Let’s say you’re innocently doing your grocery shopping and minding your own business and as you move into aisle 18 to survey the dog food you’re suddenly accosted by your overzealous neighbour of four years. You begin chatting and before long the subjects of foreign policy pertaining to the war in Iraq, or daylight saving, or policy for Federal government spending of our present little surplus via a “$42 Billion Rudd bonus,” come into the equation.

No doubt these are all interesting subjects, and needless to say, we could consume days discussing each. But my problem is what difference will the discussion make? Moreover, what corner am I painting myself into when I take my one-sided view?

One of the worst facts of life is we have this incredible habit of having erroneous views on everything. The fact is any one-sided view is bound to be wrong as there are always two (or more) sides to any one issue. We take a side though; an extreme. We polarise. We get passionate... about issues of politics and religion and other personally very insignificant issues i.e. that most of us have little or no control over.

Why don’t we instead get passionate about world hunger and actually do something about it like sponsor a child or donate money or volunteer? That would be more worthwhile.

People expect us to have a point of view on everything. And not only does it make for tedious conversation that is meaningless--and full of untruths--it is the very tactic many carnal people use to stifle real progress. It’s based firmly in the Hellish realm and it’s not the stuff that spiritual people ought to be overly concerning themselves with.

This subject of which I talk about is the equivalent to gossip. Gossip is malignant cancer for relationships; this matter of having a view on everything is metastatic to the gentle and right organisation of our minds. It is at best neutral in effect; at worst, counter-productive.

Stephen Covey talks about the ‘circle of influence’ and the ‘circle of concern.’[1] Our circle of influence is that which we have control over--our familial relationships, our jobs, our daily activities. In these we have firm responsibilities. Our circle of concern on the other hand is that area of things we might be passionate about but have no control over. We waste endless energy, time and words discussing world debt, justice in the courts, and issues of foreign policy.

If we have a concern, rather than bashing our gums we should be prepared to do something about it, or remain relatively quiet and not have a polarised view one way or the other, leaving our energies for the good things we can do, especially those things we need to do.

The biggest pity of all is when we concern ourselves with issues that don’t concern us to the detriment of issues that do--Bill Hybels calls this ‘selective sluggardliness.’[2] We excel in certain areas of life but we fail to make the effort required in others, and we miss the mark of life in those areas. In other words, could we be somewhat wasting our time in the circle of concern and leaving issues in our circle of influence in abeyance? I’m sure every single one of us could do better here--and therefore we must strive to actually do it.

I would like to think that I (and you if you so desired) could say more often in the future, “I don’t have a view on that issue,” or, “I’m not entirely sure and wouldn’t like to comment,” where matters outside of our influence are discussed. We could then reserve our limited energy for those things that do matter, which we can affect, and we would also not become trapped in the dominion of the non-truth of opinion.

Most of all, this disciplining of our minds through what we speak would mean we could save our speech for lifting others up... as Paul says through Eugene Peterson,

“Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.” –Ephesians 5:3 (Msg).

ENDNOTES:
[1] Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Restoring the Character Ethic (New York, Simon & Schuster, 1989), p. 81f. Covey discusses in his book how to shift and expand our circles of influence, effectively influencing some of those things we’re concerned about.
[2] Bill Hybels, Making Life Work: Putting God’s Wisdom into Action (Downers Grove, Illinois, InterVarsity Press, 1998), pp. 36-8.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Three Things Go to the Prodigy in Each of Us

Whilst there are intelligent, genius-like, winsome people around, we might not currently connect with this ideal. These three attributes below can make us even more “special” than we already are:

A fertile genius

Genius truly is creativity, distinction and dynamism rolled into one. But add to genius the flavour of fertility--of growth--and we have something that will not only sustain itself but will populate, and even grow in unpredictably diverse (but positive) directions.

A profound intellect

I’m a believer that our Intelligence Quotient’s (IQ) can be grown. For example, when I undertook an IQ test in 1996 as part of a pre-employment deal, I was given four scores (literacy, numeracy and reasoning abilities totalling to an IQ range). I know for sure and certain that I’d have grown in at least one of these areas (literacy)--though another area would almost certainly have diminished as I haven’t used numeracy as much in the past ten or so years.

Intellect is not just smarts, however. It’s also how we use them; enter wisdom. Wisdom is about applying knowledge, and more specifically, when and very especially, how to use it. The profound intellect also has sound emotional intelligence (EI) to capitalise assertively on opportunities.

A pleasant and refined taste

Nothing surpasses the fine taste of the winsome and charismatic personality who can seemingly fit in with a quiet confidence anywhere.

Yet, almost none of us would see ourselves this way. It’s the balance of self-control over the passions and a lightness we bring to all our interactions. It’s ‘grace’ in one word. It doesn’t come naturally. We have to work on trust, faith, confidence, peace and courage, among other things.

These three gifts combined

To think well, whilst good, is not as good as thinking right. Thinking right is all about logic and reason--seeing things for what they actually are, especially from another’s viewpoint. These three gifts above are bestowed from Heaven, but are grown on earth.

The time when these gifts are of most use is in the time of danger and trial. They rise to the surface and provide for the purveyor the very tools of situational leadership and a regality of presence.

These are gifts that we all have; we merely need to endeavour earnestly in developing them.

Article inspired by a Balthasar Gracian aphorism, “Three things go to the Prodigy”

Friday, February 6, 2009

Biblical Wisdom Works for Everyone

Have you ever noticed people becoming promoted in the company you’re in? Does there appear to be a pattern to it? What about marital relationships that survive as compared with those that fail? Is there a pattern to success and failure?

Judges 2:11-23 tells us of a recurrent life pattern of disobedience and defeat the nation of Israel suffered each time it turned away from the truth of their God, the LORD. The opposite of this pattern i.e. for obedience and faithfulness, also applies.

The pattern in Judges charts the historical pattern of Israel’s history through the period of the Judges prior to Monarchic rule, but the pattern continued through the period of the kings as well.

The just, righteous, obedient kings were blessed by God and the unfaithful, idolatrous kings would be punished and would lose their kingdoms--this is how the kingdoms of Israel and Judah eventually fell (respectively to the Assyrians and Babylonians) in 722 B.C.E. and 586 B.C.E. This law of God’s ancient wisdom has worked consistently right through the ages and remains today.

In our lives, too, whenever we step away from the truth, doing the wrong thing, we are thus judged or potentially judged (for the Christian, by God, for the non-God-believing person, by ‘life’) and we must then work our way back into the favour of people or the situation we’re out of favour with. This is merely the implementation and outworking of God’s wisdom in the historical tradition.

Wisdom in this way can equally be termed ‘truth’ as it’s the way things generally work out. Wisdom can be applied by anyone and it will work, regardless of spiritual affiliation. And wisdom in this sense is still very much biblically based. This explains why the spiritually-blind person’s heart ‘rages against the LORD’[1] and others when things don’t go right for them--they don’t understand or respect God’s ancient framework for the law which is simply based in ‘cause and effect.’ They can’t get away from it; nobody can.

We can take this wisdom and put it in the setting of a workplace relationship. For example, when someone talks a lot but they don’t listen very well, they won’t be afforded much real respect by their peers or supervisors. Sure, they’ll be tolerated and treated nicely when face to face with people, but people will talk behind their back; certainly there will be less true respect for the things they stand for. There is a natural lack of tolerance for obnoxious people.

If we have a habit of speeding we’ll get caught eventually--eventually our luck runs out. If we’re non-genuine or even only half-genuine about an issue, people will perceive this lack of authenticity and we’ll be tarnished. We can apply this rule of truth to really any situation--God’s wisdom ends up reigning eventually.

This is why it is ultimately important that we’re as obedient and dedicated to the truth and God’s wisdom as we can be. It’s a commitment that is honoured in many ways in the end. Knowing this, why would anyone go against it?

[1] See Proverbs 19:3.

Life’s Aim: Become Accustomed to Failure

A large part of my professional role is to promulgate specialist information, promoting issues and the sort. Recently I undertook a direction and sent out some dubious information to a large number of people and I did so quite blindly in retrospect. I was quickly corrected by a number of well-meaning people on my error and then--the beauty of email--‘recalled’ the message with an explanation as to the error. No harm done, all sorted … ?

From my perspective, in my professional capacity and with my training and experience, this failure was rather embarrassing. I probably should have checked the source of the information. My instinct didn’t trust the source but I was following an instruction--again, blind obedience perhaps.

I felt tempted to berate myself as we all seem to do, but fortunately I’m learning something about life that more than adequately defeats that temptation--provided we’re mindful of it at the time.

My response instead was to just smile within myself and accept it. Perhaps, I simultaneously thought, ‘I fail more than most’ (though this is unlikely to be true). A number of negative thoughts cloud our heads like, ‘What does so and so think of me now?’ Still, I accepted it in the midst of doubt.

Doubt causes a fear response and to go ahead and accept the logic of a situation in spite of the doubt requires courage--and it develops courage when we practice it.

The inevitable truth is this: we all fail. One of the keys to life success, resilience and staying power is how we deal with our failures--our failures do not define us, but our response to failure does. We must adjust our mental and emotional processes such that we are not crushed by the failure; we do this and positive strength ebbs away.

Often it is guilt that facilitates the berating of the self. We don’t like failing--it’s not part of the plan; it disappoints people; we look silly and incompetent; we have to complete re-work etc… it’s plain horrible.

When we get past the guilt, however, and get to a courageous acceptance and just smile within, whilst learning the positive lessons that come from these humbling circumstances, we gain strength and self-belief.

With resounding effect comes the quote from Theodore Roosevelt that bears strong, considered reflection:

“The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotion, spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never tasted victory or defeat.”

Many who would criticise us are the ones who refuse to actually step into the ‘arena’ of life and risk failure to succeed.

And for our own failures and the powers against us at these times--and of our best informed response--in these circumstances, early Church father, Chrysostom said:

“Yet those that be against us, so far are they from thwarting us at all, that even without their will [and intent to destroy us or our reputations] they become to us the causes of crowns, and procurers of countless blessings [when we respond the right way], so that God’s wisdom turns their plots unto our salvation [deliverance] and glory. See how really no one is against us!” (Italics, [*] and bold mine.)

Failure should not crush us. We should, on the contrary, be thankful for it, for we learn how to learn, and we can identify with failure, supporting the next person who’s not so adept at dealing with it.

Most of all we’re gracious in accepting our own failures and supremely gracious when dealing with others’ failures.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Win Not the Battle, but the War...

Jacob wrestles with God alone. He wrestles with him and struggles all night long until he gets what he’s after; God’s blessing. For his trouble he gets a wrenched hip because he does not know how to let go. He won’t give up regardless of the fact that he fights without assistance and protection, and is now critically and permanently injured. And he risks death because no one can see God and live--daybreak is no far away. He needs God’s blessing. For Jacob, it’s a battle not only for blessing but survival.

In this passage--one that’s literally packed with theological meaning--a true battle of the wills is waged. Brute strength, guile and spirit are all put to the test. During this entire night there must have been times when each side (Jacob and the God-Man) looked like they’d prevail, yet almost a truce was the eventual result. Neither gave in or succumbed; both won.

Battles are waged every day; in the workplace, in schools, in shopping malls, on roads, in families. These are not always good battles--quite the contrary. Often, however, there is a predominantly good force engaging with a largely evil force.

In the fight against every evil in the military battles there have been countless innocent casualties, all in the name of freedom or some other good thing worth fighting for. I find the same parallel with almost every change or development in life; it’s a struggle stage-by-stage and these struggles don’t come without the odd ‘casualty experience.’

God often comes to people during ‘the night,’ or at a precarious time in a journey, to prepare them for something bigger.[1] The tests you might be going through at the moment--the battles--might simply mean there’s something broader in view that you might not yet see. This is a test of endurance and of persisting through the inevitable failures (lost battles) so that the ultimate success can be achieved in due course.

Wars are never won easily. They’re epics and nothing less. There is no question that you have what it takes to win your own wars, but they can’t be won without enduring the various battles, which seem overwhelming at times. In this way life is a war of attrition.

The allegory of Jacob’s struggle with God illustrates the journeying nature of the spiritual life. Struggles like these are waged in the spiritual realm and no other. Tormenting experiences can’t be appropriately dealt with without the appropriate spirituality.

In all our life roles, as spouses, parents, employees, consumers, and as friends we have challenges and battles to face and ensure. Not all of these we have to win, and some or many we won’t. The point is patient, quiet, stable endurance.

The spiritual journey is thus both necessary and inevitable; a non-negotiable. Are you denying this?

[1] Bruce K. Waltke, Genesis – A Commentary (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2001), p. 445. See also Genesis 32:22-32.

Trust is the Hardest Thing

Two ferries in a harbour, both full of people and set to blow to smithereens, and the Joker’s behind it! He gives both vessels the choice; who goes first? Both have a simple remote control to blow the other vessel up before midnight. ‘Social exercise’ indeed! For those who haven’t yet seen the Batman movie, The Dark Night, I won’t spoil it--but say this sequence demonstrates how hard trust is.

This simple game involves the pinnacle of trust--who will take the cowardly option to save themselves over trusting the other party? If you were on one ferry, could you trust the hundreds on the other ferry to not influence one person enough to press the button on the remote control? How much do you trust them and they you?

And it works this way in life. No partnership can survive adequately let alone thrive without trust, which is merely the extension of grace (a Christ concept)--the complete benefit of one’s doubt is invested in the other person without condition.

That’s why trust is all about love. We can’t trust without demonstrating love by letting go of our own way.

Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of the Bible, The Message, quotes what love is:

“Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn’t strut,

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Isn’t always “me first,”

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.”

–1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Msg)

Think about it, love implicitly involves trust.

The paradox with the love of trust is freedom; fewer cares and worries and more faith to go around, shoring up relationships and the esteem of other people. Trust is a necessity in life--to make it operate properly.

It’s a very hard thing to trust at times; that’s where the will (of the mind) comes in. Sometimes we just need to make a decision in blind (but well intentioned) faith, prepared for the worst but somehow expecting the best.

Our will is the key to trust. If our will joins God’s, we cannot help but trust, because he is with us and we know he requires us to trust; knowing that makes it easier to bite the bullet.

In the Valley of (BAD) Decisions

Families are good for conflict; it’s a rather ‘dysfunctional’ fact and it illustrates a good point. There are times in life when try as we might we can’t keep two people happy or two sets of circumstances in balance simultaneously.

When we get to this place we’re perplexed initially and then we get to find out (later on) that this is the way of life; some situations are plain tough and difficult, and keeping everyone happy is plain impossible. When we’re first in this place, no matter the way we’ll eventually go, we don’t want to go there because it means disappointing someone or even more than one. Neither way seems desirable or right--to keep all happy--and there’s no way out. We get frustrated and angry. What are we to do?

It takes genuine courage to face the fact that this is the best it’s going to get, and to be able to truly accept it. It’s a level of accepting people for who they really are and that the only change we can actually effect is to change our own perceptions and the way we see the world.

It’s beyond doubt a journey toward a distant destination in finally arriving at this hard conclusion. There are quite a number of disagreements along the way, as we have our collective share of anguish and torment, and learn and re-learn this common truth.

It seems strange to say it but the truest sense of happiness resides in coming to the end of ourselves, and that we stand to gain little by endlessly endeavouring to keep everyone happy. (This is not to say we don’t try. We should always try.)

To strive endlessly to achieve universal contentment is to eventually experience exhaustion and possibly the ultimate failure; as Bill Cosby said, “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

Let’s accept that we have little actual control over others’ perceptions and happiness, though we must always try to a reasonable level to be pleasant, accommodating and accepting.

See, the valley of bad decisions is not that bad after all--when we get to the fork in the road we should take it. Make the decision and smile.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Simplicity and Parkinson’s Law

“Parkinson’s law stated that ‘Work expands to fill the time allotted to it’. There should be a law of complexity which might go: ‘Sufficient complexity will always be created to fill the need for complexity’.”

-Edward De Bono, Simplicity, (London: Penguin Books, 1999)

C. Northcote Parkinson demonstrates that the relationship between the number of workers and the quantity of the work to be done have no correlation; likewise, Edward De Bono seeks also to demonstrate that people will always try to ensure there is ‘sufficient complexity’ to fill the ‘need’ for it. Apparently complexity is necessary for its own purpose.

The Law of Multiplication of Work (propounded by Parkinson as part of the theory of his law) suggests that it is human nature for the ‘overworked’ person to seek the assistance of subordinates to help him or herself out.

For each person employed in these ways we see an extra level of complexity designed into the process and not all of it is productive; in fact, most of it is bureaucratic in the absolute worst sense of that word. And the overworked person who started it all ends up more stressed than ever.

Why do we invent ways to make things unnecessarily complex? It’s probably for a variety of reasons, not the least of which would be to protect our own kingdoms.

It’s a fascinating concept, isn’t it that time is flexible enough to be moulded to our needs such that it will inevitably be filled. Whether we take a full working day to send a post card or it takes us three whole minutes, as Parkinson illustrates, the time’s filled and can’t be redeemed.

It’s the same for complexity. There’s really no benefit to it, and the worst of it is it can make life awfully difficult for ourselves and others--but then again, some people would be quite okay with that. These would be those who radically embrace complexity and activity often for no logical reason. But logic, it seems, is an abstract concept.

Our goal is to nonetheless understand and deal with it or challenge it and resolve it. The world’s screaming need is for more people who can accept simplicity on its own terms without endless argument and analysis.

Now, that would be a fresh outcome!

Recession-Proofing Your Wardrobe and Your Life

Most recession-bound people will be clamouring for ways to resist the inevitable and keep the comforts they’ve become accustomed to. There is news almost every day of the doom that impends; for example, only the other day the global threat of job losses to the tune of 50 million.

So, everyone could do with a money-saving idea or two, not that all will take it up as it’s our general human nature to slovenly negotiate life in the absence of a goad.

I was musing about this recently with my wife and she’s a ‘Simple Savings’ convert, always looking for a novel bargain--and she apparently uses resources most economically (and wishes her husband would do that more too!).

When I mentioned from the News the throwaway phrase, ‘Recession-proofing your wardrobe,’ my wife fired back, “Buy few, versatile, good quality, classic pieces of clothing... then make do with the Op Shop... try repairing your clothes.”

Her response was quite different to mine. My first thought was not to ‘recession-proof my wardrobe,’ but to ‘recession-proof my life.’

Both issues are probably about getting basic, good advice which should hold all the time and not just when things get tight.

It’s investing in employment that, as far as possible, remains steady through the turbulence to come, and if this is not possible, doing something that will sure things up; perhaps taking a course of study? It’s planning for the inevitable future.

It’s ensuring we don’t spend money unwisely whilst also being decent citizens and committing to help good causes and mission organisations.

It’s also making sure there are not too many overheads like massive mortgages and higher purchase cars, boats and the like in the portfolio. Debt-free is, after all, stress-free--at least financially speaking.

It’s also about taking the quiet road of less risk; the quiet and simple life perhaps.

It’s also about being able to bear up under the strain of the possible and potential personal economic disaster, like a failed business venture or investments.

Recession-proofing your wardrobe is important, but it’s not quite on the same scale as recession-proofing your life.

Monday, February 2, 2009

‘It is Well with My Soul,’ Indeed

During a rousing rendition of the famed hymn It is Well with My Soul at church recently, I was heartily reminded of the peace that comes with the plain acceptance--through implied trust--of a sorrowful life circumstance.

We recall that the writer of the hymn, Horatio Spafford, lost all four daughters to the sea, and with news of his wife ‘saved alone,’ he penned the hymn, it is said, over the very spot they plummeted to their deaths in the icy Atlantic. Spafford was no stranger to loss, this being the third such tragedy, and the worst, over a three year period.

The key message of this hymn is one of astounding victory in the midst of the deepest distress, which is indeed a great gospel paradox of truth.

During my own ‘dark night of the soul’ I lived this gospel reality, absolutely dependent on God’s love, peace, grace and shepherding; and it was the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I am so very thankful for it as light shone in the darkness truly for the first time.

We see that once we’ve been touched by a great and tragic grief, and we’ve truly leant faithfully on Jesus, surrendering our own pitiful resources to fight, we’ve found something very precious that is at once recognised fondly in the future when we again get a glimpse of it. It’s the most incredible and immediately recognisable déjà vu. This hymn reminded me of those days.

It is only in this dark place we can more fully and truly appreciate the level of Christ’s sacrifice; that we have been forgiven, not partially, but absolutely, and we bear the weight of our sin no more. Praise in all circumstances is hence entirely appropriate.

It is never to be forgotten, the strength, grace, provision and faithfulness of God during this crushing time when we truly needed God, and that he was there in our desperation. Once we’ve been touched by such sorrow I’m convinced we’re converts of his gracious and loving Spirit, in fact, the sorrowful time is found to be the greatest single event and victory of our lives; it was our true coming-of-age ceremony, spiritually.

And this therapy or muscle memory of the heart and mind is available for use in serving others in distress with the comfort we ourselves were once comforted with (ref: 2 Corinthians 1:3-7). We suddenly know in our deepest being, the compassion of Jesus. I think we need to be hurt like this once to really know it and identify with him.

The sorrowful life circumstance is a fork in the road. Accept it, and whilst it is gut-wrenchingly painful, we find some relief in God and we live (spiritually), limping on to a more hope-filled day. We’re eventually healed. Reject it, however, and we never get to the peace of coming to the end of ourselves.

There is true, real and powerful theology in, It is Well with My Soul and it speaks to every once-troubled God-believing soul who placed their faith in his awesome ability to resurrect their broken down lives.

And it speaks too, to the now-troubled soul, beckoning them to rely on their Lord and focus upon him, surrendering all, in their dark time.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Accepting Pain Gracefully

I was talking with a chaplain recently who works in an aged/palliative care facility and she said to me, ‘I’m inspired by the lives of these people.’ Later in the conversation, the subject shifted to the pain often experienced at the end of life and she remarked that the truly inspirational elderly were the ones who could accept the pain of their approaching death gracefully.

The next thing she said stunned me in its simplicity. She said that the challenge is to get more people to think differently regarding pain and that this was a growth journey of learning how to surrender and let go: let go and let God, essentially. She said many still do not come to terms with it very well.

Now the following is easy for someone like me to say who’s in relatively very little pain currently.

It appears the process of accepting pain gracefully is mostly about understanding that pain is normal and everyone feels it, and that pain doesn’t mean God is mean or life is unfair. It’s just simply painful and our mental and emotional attitudes need to cope with it the best way we can.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m elderly and in pain, or even if I suffer great pain in the meantime, I’d prefer to be as less of a burden to people and even be an inspiration if I could.

But like most things, it’s easier said than done, and I can’t help but sense the potential hypocrisy in my own words--will I live to rue them? Will I be strong enough to live up to them?

Therein lays the challenge…

Will I… will you… be that kindly bearing soul and accept pain gracefully?

The Power and the Passion: Acting in a Leadership Role

I’m recalling another song of yesteryear in the recognition of the presence of competitiveness I’ve not known for some time. You see I’ve recently acted in my manager’s position, a challenge I enjoyed. But, it opened my eyes to a fresh thing.

It’s the challenge of having your official authority usurped by others, for various reasons.

Power has an unusual and entrancing effect on most people. Official power and authority really means very little; the power of the group is the actual nexus. (It's hence the leader's aim to achieve the acceptance and respect of the group, gaining ‘permission’ to lead.)

The Midnight Oil song of the eighties, The Power and the Passion, is quite cryptic, but I believe it highlights the hypocrisy of leadership where power is abused. I also find that when people usurp power they abuse and show little respect for the traditional authority for these roles.

Yet, there’s a sense that we’ve all done it. We’ve all had a taste of going our own way when we’d have been better advised to come under the ‘power that be.’

People on both sides (leaders and those led) get very passionate about power, don’t they?

And this is one true blessing of acting in a leadership role--we get to taste defiance firsthand, so if there’s one thing we can truly learn for the future, it is to be more supportive, loyal and faithful of our direct leaders and others in pseudo-leadership roles over us, appreciating the delicate and necessary power-balance they’re seeking to maintain.

Acting in a role means others’ will inevitably seek to usurp power, including the unwritten, unsaid usurping of power given, in ways that directly or indirectly undermine the acting leader i.e. whether the usurper realises it consciously or not.

Keeping the power is quite a political game, if one intends to do it that is. Each of us has our own unique style of leadership. Mine is to try and not focus on the negative but to come back to the positive as much as possible. I prefer to avoid conflict.

So, for those who would seek to climb over the leader, if that leader were me, I’d let them, and then simply go in a different, more positive direction. If the rebellious behaviour persisted to the point where it was destructive, then we’d have to do something about it i.e. it’s a time for assertive conflict.

There’s no two ways about it. Leadership is a paradoxically hard role in any field--because people are fickle. That’s a fact of life. If we’re wise we don’t seek a leadership role before time otherwise we beckon an age of frustration and humiliation well before its time.

Wasting Time with God

What do taking a nap, visiting a neighbour for an hour for no particular reason, and watching a sunset with your partner have in common? It’s simply ‘wasting time’ to be with God.

Yet it’s seemingly something totally foreign to people of this age; the ability to relax and waste time with God. This is simply about practicing that contemplative tradition of the Christian faith, getting back to the very basics in life.

And for the Christian it is escaping even for one day from the run-of-the-mill legalism of ‘daily (ritualistic) prayer,’ as well as ensuring that we resist the temptation to stay busy, for most of us hate boredom.

I think boredom reminds us of the emptiness inside each one of us. It calls us back to the discomfort of perhaps past failures and unresolved issues.

Notwithstanding the gaping hole, indeed to the contrary, time spent with God doing nothing can be very therapeutic. Think about the worlds of creativity that most of us hardly even scratch the surface of.

Our imaginations are fired in the peace of simple nature, or lost in time with the company of a loved-one, neighbour or work colleague--if we allow it to occur. Suddenly something that I call ‘thought production’ can occur.

It’s all about that resounding word and concept, “choice.” Do we choose today to find the time to simply waste, in the interests of peace--from the rush and tumble of life, or shall we embark yet again in busyness that loses itself every time?

Do you need to waste some time with God?

Reference: Richard Foster, Streams of Living Water: Celebrating the Great Traditions of the Christian Faith (London, HarperCollinsReligious, 1998), p. 57.