My Pregnancy Fears

Okay, so I have to admit that I had fun fooling ya'll with that last post!  Don't feel bad, I would have totally fallen for it too if I hadn't happen to be the one writing it :)  But now that I've published my worst case scenario, I feel completely jinxed out of the possibility (I will NOT be having this baby on the front porch for the entire world to see!)  

Which brings me to this post...

I've had some weird fears while being pregnant.  Perhaps talking about them and admitting them will make them go away.  Or at least I'll realize how normal (and ridiculous) some of them are.

 

My fears while being pregnant:

RAW MEATS - Eeeeww!  I was totally fine before, but for the last nine months, the sight of raw chicken fat makes me want to gag, puke, and then gag again.

MISCARRYING – Who isn’t afraid of this??  Especially in the first trimester.

STAIRS - I'm scared to death of these!  Not so much falling down them, but just thinking about the energy required to go up them makes me tired!  Being in a townhome, we have TWO sets of stairs.  Often, I stand at the bottom, stare up at the daunting incline, and try to mentally turn it into an escalator.  It never works.  I once had a dream/nightmare that I was in labor, and the only way to the devilry room was up a long set of stairs.  I was petrified.  "You have got to be kidding me!"  was the overall feeling.

KNIVES - Every time I walk across the kitchen with a knife, I can't help but wonder what would happen if I fell and the thing just so happened to jab me in the stomach.  When I told Kirk about this fear he just about started to cry.  It is a morbid thought - but really, my belly skin feels so stretched out that the tinniest prick would surely bust it open.  Ok, don’t' think about it TOO much...

LEAKING - So, this is more of a reality than a fear – remedied by constant insulation.  I'm afraid of that white shirt unexpectedly budding wet eye balls while I’m out in public.  I’m sure the best it yet to come.

AN EPISIOTOMY - 'Nuff said.

AN OUTIE – I’m still waiting for that thing to poke out….and I’m okay with that.

STARVING TO DEATH - Sometimes I'm so hungry that I don’t even have the energy to eat.  Pathetic.  Especially since I’ve probably just eaten about 20 mins before.

 

I know that some of you reading this are pregnant or have been.  What are/were your pregnancy fears??

 

My Crazy Labor Story!!!

He's here!  The little guy clocked in at about 10:45am on Friday May 15th at 8 lb. 8 oz!  And it is QUITE a story!

The reason I say ABOUT 10:45am is because it all happened sooooo fast!  Kirk left for work as usual at 7:00 that morning while I was sound asleep.  I woke up just after 10:00 and felt these sharp back pains and wasn't sure what was going on.  I could hardly move!  And what I was hoping were just normal Braxton Hicks contractions became quite regular and intense.  These were REAL contractions!  OK, I admit that I'm a heavy sleeper, but how the crap did I sleep through that!?!

I finally made my way over to my cell phone on the other side of the room (crawling) and started calling people right and left.  I called first Kirk and told him to start his 45 min commute on the MAX train right away!  I then called the hospital and they said to come right in.  Thanks, I kinda figured that I was in labor.  So then I called my sister (who lives next door and was my planned ride to the hospital if Kirk was at work), however, she was not home and at least 3o mins away.  Figures.  

So there I am.  In excruciating PAIN, all by myself!  Needless to say.....I was freaking out!  I was trying to remember all the breathing techniques I'd learned at the childbirth classes.  I had been a great breather.  I was top of the class!  I got a diploma in breathing!  But now, when it was time to use it, it all went out the window!  I just did whatever I could to stop the pain.  I had totally planned on having an epidural, so this was NOT in the plan.

And then...I feel like I'm about to the have the biggest bowl movement EVER!  And I know what that means.  I'd been warned.  It means BABY IS COMING RIGHT NOW!  NO!!!  I tried to tell him to go back in and that he couldn't come out yet because Kirk wasn't here and there were no nurses and this was going to be waaaaaay too messy to clean up!!!   We have white carpet!!

So I manage to at least make it out the door onto our front porch, collapse, and start screaming for help!!  We live in townhomes so I have lots of neighbors (not that I've actually met any of them), but I'm sure that someone was bound to hear my cries for help!  "HELLO!  SOMEBODY!  ANYBODY!  I'M HAVING A BABY!  HELP! HELP!"  No body was coming!  What kind of world do we live in!?!

Finally, after what felt like forever, this woman comes out and runs over and then stops dead in her tracks as soon as she saw me.  I didn't blame her.  By this point I had ripped off my pants, spread eagle, and was ready to somehow have this baby by myself!  I was sooo glad to see her, first of all because she was FEMALE, but mostly cause I wasn't alone anymore.  We didn't have much time for formalities ("Nice to meet you Ashley.  My name is Angie.  Where are you from?  Yes, it appears that I am about to have a baby.  Could you just do me a huge favor....")

This was a high class emergency!  Of course, she was more flustered than I was and didn't know what to do.  (I don't think she'd been this close to a birth before).  In between my own panic breathing I yell at her, "JUST CATCH THE DARN THING!!!"  She also called 911, something I probably should have done if I'd realized how fast this baby was going to come.  Luckily they were able to kinda walk her through it over the phone.  Poor girl.

I don't really remember everything that happened.  It was all soooo FAST!  All I know is that I was in tremendous pain, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and I hear a huge RIPPING sound!  And then I suddenly had this remarkable little baby in my arms.  He was all covered in gunk and nasties, but he was here!  And he was my baby!

After the ambulance got there, they rushed me off to the hospital and Kirk finally got there and everything was fine....until the baby started turning green and growing huge calves and biceps, getting bigger and bigger until he was the size of the Incredible Hulk!!!

......Oh wait.   That's not what happened.  In fact, I don't think any of that actually happened.  Was it all a bad dream?  Or just some horror story that I imagined in my head?  Worse case scenario thoughts perhaps??  Yes that's it.  I just confessed all my worst fears of labor and delivery online for anyone and everyone to read.

Sorry, but I couldn't resist.  No baby yet.  Still waiting.  So, where'd the picture come from, you ask?  Oh yeah, my sister-in-law had her baby boy last week and I just had to get a shot of me in the hospital bed holding her new little guy.  I was going for authenticity.  I think it turned out well.  You can't even see my huge belly!

I'll be sure to let you know when the baby really comes.  And I'm hoping that it's not as terrible as that CRAZY story J

 

My Throne of Pillows

Sleeping requires requires several pillows these days.  Eight to be exact.  Including a body pillow.   And each pillow has to be arranged in it's particular place, or else I can't get comfotable enough to fall asleep. 

I didn't realize how amusing my pillow pile was until this morning, when I just laughed outloud and had to take a picture:

Note the ever-so-necessary Tylenol PM on the night stand.  It's a must have!

Kirk calls it my throne of pillows.  And it is.  Notice how he only gets a fourth of the bed.  And ONE pillow.  Sadly, sometimes I steal it...

My Disturbing Post

I'm following a cake blog (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ it's pretty hilarious) and couldn't help but notice these interesting (and somewhat disturbingly realistic) pictures of prego cakes.  This one even has the oh-so-authentic "belly line"!

"Who wants to perform the cesaerian -- I mean, cut the cake?!"

And just in case you're creeped out by a headless torso, this was apparently made to represent someone who'd rather not be known (I don't blame her).

I've never seen a belly button look quite so much like a...well....belly button before.  It totally looks like a tufted pillow.  Or maybe the end or a giant hot dog.  Ok, yeah, let's stick with "pillow."

There a reason why I waited until after my baby showers to post these.  I would be completely happy to NOT receive a belly cake like this.  Disturbing.

Sorry for those of you with weak stomachs.  Just keep telling yourself that it's only CAKE.

My Baby's Baby Shower

I never thought I'd be so excited to get presents for someone else!  We had two baby showers for the little guy (okay, maybe it was really for me) over the last couple weeks.  The ward shower, and then the family shower.

I was 36 weeks along in the picture - taken at the shower.

Roar!  A LION towl head thing. He's going to be scared of the bath.

I love practical gifts!  These diapers will last at least a couple of days.

Really.  childhood is just not complete without a Johnny Jump Up!

Little feet = Little shoes

The nametags say: "Proud Grandma," "Mother-to-be," and "Favorite Aunt"  

(in that order)

At the Family Baby Shower:

It's one of those hooter hider things!  

That's not really a baby under there though.  Just FYI.

I don't think it's going to fit me.

This is my, "I can't beleive Janelle made these!" face.  

She made a blanket to match the burp cloths too.  You know, so he'll be color coordinated as the spit up comes spewing out.

After the showering of gifts, I feel much more prepared for this kid to come.  He can come now....like.....anytime.  Really.  Now would be just fine....

My Toothpick Legs

I woke up the other morning and tried to move.  Nope.  Wasn't happening.  Something was different.  Once I finally stood up I could tell that the baby had dropped.  The bowling ball was now firmly settled into my pelvis.  

Normally, I'd say that I have pretty strong legs.  But these days, they feel like toothpicks. Toothpicks holding up a bowling ball.  Like so:

(Hey, that's a pretty good drawing if I do say so myself).  Anyway, hence the need for waddling.  

Had my weekly checkup with the Doc today.  Not really any dialation yet.  Figures.  

18 days to go....18 days to go.....at least I hope it's not longer....18 days to go....

My Blog Makeover

Seriously.  I was getting so sick of the other layout.  That yellow and blue did not go well.  I'll probably be experimenting a little more with the coolness of this blog.  Still learning.