A friend of mine working in a campus counseling center told me about a lady who came to him in the throes of a depression. She wasn’t aware of anything that precipitated her . She all of a sudden was wiped out and feeling down. After a few sessions she mentioned that the anniversary of her husband’s death had occurred shortly before her depression. As she talked about it my friend observed that she seemed very angry. “I’m not angry!” she snapped back at him. “I’m depressed!” He commented that depression often is anger turned on one’s self. Over the next few sessions she slowly realized that she was angry. “I am angry. I am angry as hell that he died and left me alone with the children. But this is irrational. He didn’t want to die. He didn’t cause it. He loved us and he loved life. I shouldn’t be angry at him, but I am and this does make me feel guilty and angry at myself for having these feeling towards that wonderful man. I am angry at God for letting this happen. I shouldn’t be angry at God.”
My friend helped her to see that all feelings are irrational. We don’t need to justify them. We just need to understand them and cope with them as best as we can. The flip side of all pain and loss in our lives is anger. If we deny and bottle up those feelings, many times they are unconsciously turned on ourselves, resulting in depression.
He helped her to see that it is OK to be angry. It is a normal reaction to her loss. As she talked out her anger and learned to accept it and to find healthy ways to burn out her stress through talk and exercise and to let go of it through meditation, her depression left her.
I had a bout with depression and was almost emotionally paralyzed by it. I was faced with the reality that my Same Sex Attraction was not going to disappear, that I would be attracted to men the rest of my life, that I would never be physically attracted to women. I would never be “normal”. (Years later, after counseling with hundreds and hundreds of LDS young adults, I have sometimes asked myself, “What is normal?”) I was depressed because, even after living a fairly righteous, celibate life and fasting, praying for a change, the miracle was not going to happen. My mission didn’t do it. I was married to a wonderful, patient, accepting wife who knew of my struggle but could do nothing to help me change.
My anger towards God caused me to turn from Him for a period of time. I acted out, not by sinning but by trying to doubt Him or at least the Church. It didn’t work. I knew that He was my Father and loved me. My convictions about the Church with all of its human imperfections were too deep. But I do understand when people do leave the Church over this issue.
Counseling helped me to realize that it was OK to be angry at God, OK to be angry at all those self-righteous homophobic people who unknowingly made me feel queer and perverted and wicked. But it is not good to be angry at myself for something I didn’t cause. Being able to talk to a counselor, who didn’t try to change me, but accepted me, helped me to accept myself. My wife knew from before our marriage and she still loves me. She is a wonderful blessing to me.
A friend told me of a mission experience he had. They were ready to baptize a family they loved dearly. When they went to take them to the baptism service, they were told that some anti-Mormons had gotten to the family. They said they didn’t want to see the missionaries again. The crestfallen elders went to their apartment. My friend suggested that they pray. He offered a perfunctory prayer and ended. There was a long pause before his companion prayed. “Dammit God!! Why has this happened! We loved that family.” My friend panicked. He had never heard someone talk to God that way. He feared that lightening would strike. But his companion continued expressing his anger and challenging God. His companion then wept and ended his prayer. My friend said that a wonderful peace encircled them. They both felt as if God was saying to them, “It’s OK to express your pain and anger. I also love that family. My heart also is broken. I love both of you. Thank you for what you have tried to give them.”
I, too, have learned that it is OK to cuss out God and He understands our feelings. He is glad that we can be open and honest with Him. I, too, have been embraced by His love and peace, even at times when I didn't feel that I deserved it. His tender mercies have overcome my guilt.
We live in an imperfect world. I don’t know if God purposely sent me into a body whose chemistry causes me to be sexually attracted to men. I don’t believe that God controls everything. He permits agency. Perhaps in this polluted earth , while I was in the womb, my mother randomly encountered something that caused me to develop in this way. I don’t know.
I do know that He has helped me to accept my SSA. He has helped me to be sensitive to and to help many of His children who are struggling with a variety of problems. I have served in many bishoprics and have been a bishop more than once, have been a scoutmaster and young men’s leader, primary teacher and many other callings. I am grateful that He has trusted me to serve in so many ways. My struggle with SSA has helped me, has humbled me, has given me compassion. I have a large family and a wonderful wife. Truly I am blessed!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
CAN WE CALL DOWN THE POWERS OF HEAVEN?
Many times I have received letters from missionaries who were discouraged because a Church leader had promised that if they would pray and set a monthly goal for baptisms and then sacrifice and work hard and follow the Spirit, they would be able to call down the powers of Heaven to help them achieve their goals. Those writing me said that they worked long hours, fasted and prayed and did everything they could and at the end of the month they fell short of their goals. Some had no baptisms that month. They questioned their faith and their righteousness. “Please help me to know what’s wrong with me?” one pled. I wrote that there was probably nothing wrong with them, except that they believed that their righteousness could manipulate events.
Some LDS struggling with guilt about SGA have been told that if they were spiritual and worthy enough that God would make them “normal”. They tried to live fully righteous and in tune, received blessings, etc. and their attractions didn’t change. They then began to question if God loved them. They began to wonder if they could be loved by a Perfect Diety. I know that feeling well.
Believing that I can call down the powers of Heaven by my righteousness is to believe in magic. Magic is the supposed knowledge of the right formulas and procedures to tap supernatural powers to bring to pass what we want. I believe in miracles, but I don’t believe in magic. Righteousness and faith do not call down God’s power to your will. They give us power to do His will on His timetable. Jesus said, “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)
I have seen miracles. I have been an instrument in God’s hands to heal people. He has spoken through me, addressing things that only He and the individual knew about. I didn’t do these things. I was privileged to be part of the miracle. Yet there have been other times when I wanted a miracle. I pled for the miracle. I tried to be worthy to be an instrument in the miracle. But it didn’t happen. I asked, “Why, Why! Certainly God would want this to happen! I don’t understand.” When I am finally open to that Still Small Voice, it whispers, “You don’t need to understand. Don’t let what you don’t know get in the way of what you do know. You know that God loves you. He knows what He is doing. Be at peace.”
“Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things.” (Alma 32:21) God works within eternal laws which He will not violate or He would “cease to be God” (Alma 42:12). I am certain that faithful Lehi prayed that Laman and Lemuel would change. They didn’t. Was there something wrong with his faith? No. Can our faith and prayers affect the lives of others. Yes, but they do not take away free agency or violate eternal principles. Jesus pled that His cup of agony be removed and then submitted to His Father’s will.
Paul said, “And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2Cor. 12:7-10) Did he struggle with SGA? I don’t know. But he learned to live with his handicap. I am learning to live with mine.
We don’t control God’s power, but when it is His will, it can flow through us. We do have power to listen for His guidance and submit to His will whether guidance comes or not. Many times we receive no witness until after the trial of our faith. (Ether 12:6) There is so much that I don’t understand, but occasionally His peace does flow into me bringing the “joy that surpasseth all understanding.” Then I know that no matter how hard it seems, it is worth it.
Some LDS struggling with guilt about SGA have been told that if they were spiritual and worthy enough that God would make them “normal”. They tried to live fully righteous and in tune, received blessings, etc. and their attractions didn’t change. They then began to question if God loved them. They began to wonder if they could be loved by a Perfect Diety. I know that feeling well.
Believing that I can call down the powers of Heaven by my righteousness is to believe in magic. Magic is the supposed knowledge of the right formulas and procedures to tap supernatural powers to bring to pass what we want. I believe in miracles, but I don’t believe in magic. Righteousness and faith do not call down God’s power to your will. They give us power to do His will on His timetable. Jesus said, “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.” (Moroni 7:33)
I have seen miracles. I have been an instrument in God’s hands to heal people. He has spoken through me, addressing things that only He and the individual knew about. I didn’t do these things. I was privileged to be part of the miracle. Yet there have been other times when I wanted a miracle. I pled for the miracle. I tried to be worthy to be an instrument in the miracle. But it didn’t happen. I asked, “Why, Why! Certainly God would want this to happen! I don’t understand.” When I am finally open to that Still Small Voice, it whispers, “You don’t need to understand. Don’t let what you don’t know get in the way of what you do know. You know that God loves you. He knows what He is doing. Be at peace.”
“Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things.” (Alma 32:21) God works within eternal laws which He will not violate or He would “cease to be God” (Alma 42:12). I am certain that faithful Lehi prayed that Laman and Lemuel would change. They didn’t. Was there something wrong with his faith? No. Can our faith and prayers affect the lives of others. Yes, but they do not take away free agency or violate eternal principles. Jesus pled that His cup of agony be removed and then submitted to His Father’s will.
Paul said, “And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” (2Cor. 12:7-10) Did he struggle with SGA? I don’t know. But he learned to live with his handicap. I am learning to live with mine.
We don’t control God’s power, but when it is His will, it can flow through us. We do have power to listen for His guidance and submit to His will whether guidance comes or not. Many times we receive no witness until after the trial of our faith. (Ether 12:6) There is so much that I don’t understand, but occasionally His peace does flow into me bringing the “joy that surpasseth all understanding.” Then I know that no matter how hard it seems, it is worth it.
Friday, December 21, 2007
BEWARE OF THE NAZIS IN OUR MIDST!
Well, the curtain terrorists are back. I wrote in a previous blog about my weakness with my wandering eyes in the locker room of the gym and how relieved I was when they finally put up curtains. Well, the curtain terrorists shredded them. The management has put them back up many times and gradually they all get shredded and torn down. Why do they tear they down? My only guess is that some are more committed to a study of the male anatomy than they are to individual privacy. If they don’t want privacy they could leave their curtains open. Most choose the privacy option, so the few force their wants on the rest. Some may say, “Well our government is spying on us and won’t allow us privacy, why should we expect it in our gyms?” Well, both are wrong! (I hope that the CIA is reading this.)
I hear on the radio preachers ranting about forcing businesses to use Christmas in their advertisement instead of saying “Happy Holidays”. They call for a boycott of those stores who don’t commercialize Christ. What’s the big deal? “Well, people are taking Christ out of Christmas!” I say, “Hurray!!” Let us worship Christ in our hearts and in our homes and in our churches. Let the Jews worship their God and celebrate Hanukkah and the Muslims celebrate Eid, etc. etc. Must we cram the commercial Christmas down everybody’s throat?
And so what that the school administrators cannot promote prayers in the schools! Prayer is a personal thing. I would not want to be forced to be part of a Muslim or Hindu or Evangelical Christian prayer or a sanitized prayer designed by the government. Some people are more concerned about forcing us to be a “Christian” nation than to be true Christians and tolerating people of other beliefs or no belief.
These same people try to control our school curricula and force us to teach creationism instead of evolution. These same people want a religious test for the presidency of the United States. I think that it is unfortunate that Mitt Romney is bending over backwards to try to please them. In my school Jewish groups are attacking professors for criticizing Israel for the terrible way they are treating the Palestinians. They want to silence these scholars. They say that any criticism of Israel is anti-Semitism. That’s like saying that any criticism of Utah state leaders is anti-Mormonism. The thought police are on the march.
So many people criticize the Muslims. All of my many Muslim friends are tolerant, kind individuals. They are far more compassionate than some of the Latter-day Saints and Evangelical Christians I know. (I also know many compassionate LDS and Evangelicals.) Muslims are good Americans, but the right-wing radicals can’t scare people about communism any more and so they are creating the Muslims as fear objects through lies and distortions.
So we have gay people in the military? What’s the big deal? These same fear-mongers stir up prejudice against gays and immigrants, and Muslims, and Mormons as a means to get support for their causes. And too many of our LDS get sucked into these tactics of hate. (My favorite bumper sticker: “Hate is not a family value.”)
I am tired of the fascist thought police who try to manipulate and intimidate our society for their own purposes. I feel sorry for them. They seem to be very unhappy people.
Well, I got that off my chest.
I wish you all Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Eid Mubarak! Happy Kwanzaa!
I hear on the radio preachers ranting about forcing businesses to use Christmas in their advertisement instead of saying “Happy Holidays”. They call for a boycott of those stores who don’t commercialize Christ. What’s the big deal? “Well, people are taking Christ out of Christmas!” I say, “Hurray!!” Let us worship Christ in our hearts and in our homes and in our churches. Let the Jews worship their God and celebrate Hanukkah and the Muslims celebrate Eid, etc. etc. Must we cram the commercial Christmas down everybody’s throat?
And so what that the school administrators cannot promote prayers in the schools! Prayer is a personal thing. I would not want to be forced to be part of a Muslim or Hindu or Evangelical Christian prayer or a sanitized prayer designed by the government. Some people are more concerned about forcing us to be a “Christian” nation than to be true Christians and tolerating people of other beliefs or no belief.
These same people try to control our school curricula and force us to teach creationism instead of evolution. These same people want a religious test for the presidency of the United States. I think that it is unfortunate that Mitt Romney is bending over backwards to try to please them. In my school Jewish groups are attacking professors for criticizing Israel for the terrible way they are treating the Palestinians. They want to silence these scholars. They say that any criticism of Israel is anti-Semitism. That’s like saying that any criticism of Utah state leaders is anti-Mormonism. The thought police are on the march.
So many people criticize the Muslims. All of my many Muslim friends are tolerant, kind individuals. They are far more compassionate than some of the Latter-day Saints and Evangelical Christians I know. (I also know many compassionate LDS and Evangelicals.) Muslims are good Americans, but the right-wing radicals can’t scare people about communism any more and so they are creating the Muslims as fear objects through lies and distortions.
So we have gay people in the military? What’s the big deal? These same fear-mongers stir up prejudice against gays and immigrants, and Muslims, and Mormons as a means to get support for their causes. And too many of our LDS get sucked into these tactics of hate. (My favorite bumper sticker: “Hate is not a family value.”)
I am tired of the fascist thought police who try to manipulate and intimidate our society for their own purposes. I feel sorry for them. They seem to be very unhappy people.
Well, I got that off my chest.
I wish you all Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Eid Mubarak! Happy Kwanzaa!
Monday, December 10, 2007
EMANCIPATE YOURSELVES FROM MENTAL SLAVERY
I heard on the radio today a Bob Marley song: “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.” It started me thinking of the many voices in my mind that have chained me down. The most insidious ones are those negative recordings that I am not fully conscious of, that repeatedly play in the background of my mind. They are often manifest through my feelings. These feelings influence my behavior.
For instance, my wife says something and I snap back at her. Usually I then justify my response by blaming her. But sometimes, I pause and say to myself: “That was inappropriate. Why did I do that?” “Well, I have felt crappy this afternoon, ever since I listened to ‘This American Life’ on NPR.” There was an episode that reminded me of a stupid, embarrassing thing that I did many years ago. I began reliving that incident with all the feelings of embarrassment and shame and guilt I felt then. Like a nuclear chain-reaction I recalled one related incident after another from other periods of my life, until I felt pretty crappy. I wasn’t snapping at my wife, I was kicking myself for being such an idiot in the past. It took introspection for me to realize this. Usually I would just go on being grumpy and blaming someone else for my feelings. But this time I recognized that I was a slave to those negative voices and started cutting the chains.
“WAIT A MINUTE!” I said in my head. “WHY ARE YOU BEATING UP ON YOURSELF FOR THINGS DONE IN THE PAST!” I recognized that background voices are telling me that I am a stupid, inadequate person because of the past. I could feel my Grandmother’s voice from the past saying, “Bad boy! Bad boy!” Flooded by feelings of shame, I was subconsciously punishing myself. Depression is anger turned on yourself. I turned my anger on the voices: “I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON AS I WAS THEN. THAT’S WAY IN THE PAST!” They speak back, “YES, BUT remember last week when you did such and such. And also remember when you did. . .” (They can always find lots of YES BUTs to throw at me.) I can give up and let them handcuff me and lead me away to depression.
Or I can emancipate myself by saying, “I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU. GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN. THOSE THINGS ARE PAST. I AM FORGIVING MYSELF. I AM FLUSHING THE TOILET AND WASHING MY HANDS OF THIS STUFF. I AM FORGIVEN BY GOD AND CLEANSED THROUGH HIS SON. DON’T THROW THIS CRAP AT ME AGAIN. I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU ANY MORE!” I then pray to God for peace. I focus on my strengths and the good things that have happened in my life. With the help of God I emancipate myself from these chains. It doesn’t come easily. I have to work at it prayerfully.
But if don’t take the time to recognize the voices, they can enslave me. They become so much a part of my background music that I don’t notice them. Like the frogs in a shallow pot of gradually heating water don’t realize what is happening until it is too late I assume there is nothing wrong and blame someone else. Or I assume that there is nothing I can do. When I am feeling down is when I am most tempted to escape through porn or other addictions. This just enslaves me further.
But there is something positive we all can do. Take, for example, the repentant multitude after King Benjamin's sermon: "And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come.” (Mosiah 4:3) I know of people who have repented and been forgiven by God but still are beating up on themselves because of the past. The negative voices are telling them that their past sins have made them second-class citizens in the Church. They can at first fight those lies with the truth of the powerful cleansing and healing power of the Atonement. And then, they can identify and crowd out the negative voices by dwelling on the good stuff in their lives as Nephi did in 2 Nephi 4:17-35.
Society has infused many of us with self-punitive voices that say that we are “queer” or “fags” or “sinful” because of same-gender attraction. I bet if you listened carefully that each of you would find that those negative recordings are part of your background music. I certainly have them. I recognize them and then refuse to listen to them when they start replaying. I find it hard to erase them, but I can choose what I focus upon. I can focus upon the fact that SGA is not an action. It is a condition. It is not a condition that I chose. I am not evil or sinful. There are lots of things in my life that I didn’t choose and the challenge in life is to make the best of what is. I have many unique positive qualities in my personality because of SGA which I have mentioned in previous blogs. With God’s help it has given me the motivation and the capacity to understand, care and help many people. I focus on my strengths and God’s blessings and crowd offstage the negative satanic lies that would enslave me and drain me of the strength to be a powerful influence for good in the world.
The booklet, God Loveth His Children, says, “God assures His children, including those currently attracted to persons of the same gender, that their righteous desires will eventually be fully satisfied in God’s own way and according to His timing.”(p. 4) The Savior of mankind said, “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.”(Moroni 7:33) Ultimately all of these negative voices can be erased and we can fully enjoy the Good that we have become through God’s help. In the meantime we strive to increase spiritual emancipation in the world and in our own minds.
For instance, my wife says something and I snap back at her. Usually I then justify my response by blaming her. But sometimes, I pause and say to myself: “That was inappropriate. Why did I do that?” “Well, I have felt crappy this afternoon, ever since I listened to ‘This American Life’ on NPR.” There was an episode that reminded me of a stupid, embarrassing thing that I did many years ago. I began reliving that incident with all the feelings of embarrassment and shame and guilt I felt then. Like a nuclear chain-reaction I recalled one related incident after another from other periods of my life, until I felt pretty crappy. I wasn’t snapping at my wife, I was kicking myself for being such an idiot in the past. It took introspection for me to realize this. Usually I would just go on being grumpy and blaming someone else for my feelings. But this time I recognized that I was a slave to those negative voices and started cutting the chains.
“WAIT A MINUTE!” I said in my head. “WHY ARE YOU BEATING UP ON YOURSELF FOR THINGS DONE IN THE PAST!” I recognized that background voices are telling me that I am a stupid, inadequate person because of the past. I could feel my Grandmother’s voice from the past saying, “Bad boy! Bad boy!” Flooded by feelings of shame, I was subconsciously punishing myself. Depression is anger turned on yourself. I turned my anger on the voices: “I AM NOT THE SAME PERSON AS I WAS THEN. THAT’S WAY IN THE PAST!” They speak back, “YES, BUT remember last week when you did such and such. And also remember when you did. . .” (They can always find lots of YES BUTs to throw at me.) I can give up and let them handcuff me and lead me away to depression.
Or I can emancipate myself by saying, “I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU. GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN. THOSE THINGS ARE PAST. I AM FORGIVING MYSELF. I AM FLUSHING THE TOILET AND WASHING MY HANDS OF THIS STUFF. I AM FORGIVEN BY GOD AND CLEANSED THROUGH HIS SON. DON’T THROW THIS CRAP AT ME AGAIN. I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU ANY MORE!” I then pray to God for peace. I focus on my strengths and the good things that have happened in my life. With the help of God I emancipate myself from these chains. It doesn’t come easily. I have to work at it prayerfully.
But if don’t take the time to recognize the voices, they can enslave me. They become so much a part of my background music that I don’t notice them. Like the frogs in a shallow pot of gradually heating water don’t realize what is happening until it is too late I assume there is nothing wrong and blame someone else. Or I assume that there is nothing I can do. When I am feeling down is when I am most tempted to escape through porn or other addictions. This just enslaves me further.
But there is something positive we all can do. Take, for example, the repentant multitude after King Benjamin's sermon: "And it came to pass that after they had spoken these words the spirit of the Lord came upon them, and they were filled with joy, having received a remission of their sins, and having peace of conscience, because of the exceeding faith which they had in Jesus Christ who should come.” (Mosiah 4:3) I know of people who have repented and been forgiven by God but still are beating up on themselves because of the past. The negative voices are telling them that their past sins have made them second-class citizens in the Church. They can at first fight those lies with the truth of the powerful cleansing and healing power of the Atonement. And then, they can identify and crowd out the negative voices by dwelling on the good stuff in their lives as Nephi did in 2 Nephi 4:17-35.
Society has infused many of us with self-punitive voices that say that we are “queer” or “fags” or “sinful” because of same-gender attraction. I bet if you listened carefully that each of you would find that those negative recordings are part of your background music. I certainly have them. I recognize them and then refuse to listen to them when they start replaying. I find it hard to erase them, but I can choose what I focus upon. I can focus upon the fact that SGA is not an action. It is a condition. It is not a condition that I chose. I am not evil or sinful. There are lots of things in my life that I didn’t choose and the challenge in life is to make the best of what is. I have many unique positive qualities in my personality because of SGA which I have mentioned in previous blogs. With God’s help it has given me the motivation and the capacity to understand, care and help many people. I focus on my strengths and God’s blessings and crowd offstage the negative satanic lies that would enslave me and drain me of the strength to be a powerful influence for good in the world.
The booklet, God Loveth His Children, says, “God assures His children, including those currently attracted to persons of the same gender, that their righteous desires will eventually be fully satisfied in God’s own way and according to His timing.”(p. 4) The Savior of mankind said, “If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.”(Moroni 7:33) Ultimately all of these negative voices can be erased and we can fully enjoy the Good that we have become through God’s help. In the meantime we strive to increase spiritual emancipation in the world and in our own minds.
Monday, November 26, 2007
CONTEMPLATING VOMIT
Since I left church today two experiences have been ruminating in my mind.
First in Gospel Doctrine we read in 2 Peter 2:22, where Peter says that returning to my sins is like a dog returning to his vomit. VOMIT! What a revolting imagery! My problem is that I don’t see it as vomit. Satan covers it with chocolate and whipped cream. My mouth waters. I can almost taste it. All that I can think of is the pleasure. I’ll just take a nibble and then just more and more. I indulge. And then my mouth tastes like vomit. Oh if I could always remember the aftertaste, the crappy feelings, the withdrawal of the Spirit. My prayers become superficial if at all. I don’t want to face My Father. I get angry about all the Church asks me to do. I want to “get a life” and forget the joy of “losing my life in His service”. I feel empty and want escape. Oh here’s some more chocolate, covered with whipped cream. Just a little won’t hurt. . . . The easiest thing to do would be to do the “natural” thing. Pleasure is just a click away on the computer or in my pants. Invitations come to me at the gym and elsewhere. . .
Now, I haven’t been having a chocolate orgy, but I have been getting lax and contemplating some nibbling. But today Peter shouted at me, “Oh please remember (2 Peter 1:12) Remember (vs. 13) REMEMBER (vs 15.). You can partake of the divine nature. It may be natural for you to desire these physical pleasures but you have a higher, spiritual nature. Abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.”
I don’t know if you have seen the movie, “Matrix”. It illustrates well how we can be brainwashed with a virtual reality that keeps us from our true reality. It is natural to fall back into a material, physical, pleasure-oriented perspective. These desires are normal, but I have a higher nature and unlike an animal, I have a moral capacity to understand spiritual realities. I have a divine nature and can discipline myself for a higher purpose than immediate pleasure.
Last night my son asked me for a blessing. It shocked me out of my spiritual lethargy. Immediately the chocolate I had been sniffing didn’t look so enticing. I told him I would in a while. I immediately took a private inventory and pled for guidance. I pondered and prayed and then later, in my weakness, promising from that moment to repent and trusting in His love for me and my son sought him out. I laid my hands on his head and silently prayed for power and light. It came. We had a few sacred moments together as father and son feeling the love of our Father flow through us. We embraced and looked lovingly into each other’s eyes and he left. Oh may I remember, Remember, REMEMBER what I felt at that moment. There is a higher joy that surpasses all the pleasures of the world! Oh may I never violate the trust my Father and family have in me.
This incident prepared me to hear Peter’s call during Sunday School.
For the closing hymn in sacrament meeting we sang:
“Jesus, the very thought of thee
With sweetness fills my breast;
But sweeter far thy face to see
And in they presence rest. . . . .
To those who fall, how kind thou are!
How good to those who seek. . .”
I sang those words with renewed gratitude and have carried them in my heart throughout the day.
First in Gospel Doctrine we read in 2 Peter 2:22, where Peter says that returning to my sins is like a dog returning to his vomit. VOMIT! What a revolting imagery! My problem is that I don’t see it as vomit. Satan covers it with chocolate and whipped cream. My mouth waters. I can almost taste it. All that I can think of is the pleasure. I’ll just take a nibble and then just more and more. I indulge. And then my mouth tastes like vomit. Oh if I could always remember the aftertaste, the crappy feelings, the withdrawal of the Spirit. My prayers become superficial if at all. I don’t want to face My Father. I get angry about all the Church asks me to do. I want to “get a life” and forget the joy of “losing my life in His service”. I feel empty and want escape. Oh here’s some more chocolate, covered with whipped cream. Just a little won’t hurt. . . . The easiest thing to do would be to do the “natural” thing. Pleasure is just a click away on the computer or in my pants. Invitations come to me at the gym and elsewhere. . .
Now, I haven’t been having a chocolate orgy, but I have been getting lax and contemplating some nibbling. But today Peter shouted at me, “Oh please remember (2 Peter 1:12) Remember (vs. 13) REMEMBER (vs 15.). You can partake of the divine nature. It may be natural for you to desire these physical pleasures but you have a higher, spiritual nature. Abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.”
I don’t know if you have seen the movie, “Matrix”. It illustrates well how we can be brainwashed with a virtual reality that keeps us from our true reality. It is natural to fall back into a material, physical, pleasure-oriented perspective. These desires are normal, but I have a higher nature and unlike an animal, I have a moral capacity to understand spiritual realities. I have a divine nature and can discipline myself for a higher purpose than immediate pleasure.
Last night my son asked me for a blessing. It shocked me out of my spiritual lethargy. Immediately the chocolate I had been sniffing didn’t look so enticing. I told him I would in a while. I immediately took a private inventory and pled for guidance. I pondered and prayed and then later, in my weakness, promising from that moment to repent and trusting in His love for me and my son sought him out. I laid my hands on his head and silently prayed for power and light. It came. We had a few sacred moments together as father and son feeling the love of our Father flow through us. We embraced and looked lovingly into each other’s eyes and he left. Oh may I remember, Remember, REMEMBER what I felt at that moment. There is a higher joy that surpasses all the pleasures of the world! Oh may I never violate the trust my Father and family have in me.
This incident prepared me to hear Peter’s call during Sunday School.
For the closing hymn in sacrament meeting we sang:
“Jesus, the very thought of thee
With sweetness fills my breast;
But sweeter far thy face to see
And in they presence rest. . . . .
To those who fall, how kind thou are!
How good to those who seek. . .”
I sang those words with renewed gratitude and have carried them in my heart throughout the day.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
NAVIGATING CONFLICTING FORCES: THE SET OF THE SAIL AND THE RUDDER MAKE THE DIFFERENCE
I recently came across a paper given to me by a friend, Eugene England. He died a few years ago but his wise counsel given in this paper has had a profound impact on my life. It has helped me as I have struggled with SGA in the world and in the Church which are oriented to heterosexual attractions. Those of us with SGA especially understand the struggle between "polarities" he describes. I am learning to make the best of these conflicting forces and use them as a sailor uses the wind and the current to propel him forward. The set of the sail and the rudder make all the difference. In fact without these forces the ship cannot move ahead. The proper use of opposition makes progress possible. Excerpts from his paper follow:
Lehi's law, "It must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11), is perhaps the most provocative and profound statement of abstract theology in the scriptures, because it describes what apparently is most ultimate in the universe. In context it clearly suggests that not only is contradiction and opposition a natural part of human experience, something God uses for his redemptive purposes, but that opposition is at the very heart of things: it is intrinsic to the two most fundamental realities, intelligence and matter—what Lehi calls "things to act and things to be acted upon" (v. 14). According to Lehi, opposition provides the universe with energy and meaning, even makes possible the existence of God and everything else; without it "all things must have vanished away" (v. 13).We all know in our experience the consequences for mortal life of this fundamental, eternal reality. Throughout history the most important and productive ideas have been paradoxical, that is, in useful opposition to each other: the energizing force in all art has been conflict and opposition; the basis for success in all economic, political, and other social development has been competition and dialogue. Think of . . .reason versus emotion, freedom versus order, individual integrity versus community responsibility, men versus women (whose differences make eternal increase possible), justice versus mercy (whose combination makes our redemption through the atonement of Christ possible).Life in this universe is full of polarities and is made full by them. We struggle with them, complain about them, even try sometimes to destroy them with dogmatism or self-righteousness or a retreat into the innocence that is only ignorance, a return to the Garden of Eden where there is deceptive ease and clarity but no salvation. . .
And that is precisely where the Church comes in. I believe the Church is the best medium, apart from marriage (which it much resembles in this respect), for helping us gain salvation by grappling constructively with the oppositions of existence, despite our limited and various understandings of "the gospel." I believe that the better any church or organization is at such help, the "truer" it is. . .
Let us consider why this is so: In the life of the true Church, as in a good marriage, there are constant opportunities for all to serve, especially to learn to serve people we would not normally choose to serve—or possibly even associate with—and thus there are opportunities to learn to love unconditionally (which, after all, is the most important thing to learn in the gospel). There is constant encouragement, even pressure, to be "active": To have a "calling" and thus to have to grapple with relationships and management, with other people's ideas and wishes, their feelings and failures. To attend classes and meetings and to have to listen to other people's sometimes misinformed or prejudiced notions and to have to make some constructive response. To be subject to leaders and occasionally to be hurt by their weakness and blindness, even unrighteous dominion—and then to be called to a leadership position and find that we, too, with all the best intentions, can be weak and blind and unrighteous.Church involvement teaches us compassion and patience as well as courage and discipline. It makes us responsible for the personal and marital, the physical and spiritual welfare of people we may not already love (may even heartily dislike), and thus we learn to love them. It stretches and challenges us, even when we are disappointed and exasperated, in ways we would not otherwise choose to be stretched and challenged. Thus it gives us a chance to be made better than we may have chosen to be—but need and ultimately want to be. . .
Two keys to this paradoxical power in the Mormon church are first that it is, by revelation, a lay church—radically so, more than any other—and second that it organizes its congregations geographically rather than by personal choice. I know that there are exceptions, but the basic Church experience of almost all Mormons brings them directly and constantly into very demanding and intimate relationships with a range of people and problems in their assigned congregations that are not primarily of their own choosing but are profoundly redemptive in potential, in part because they are not consciously chosen. Yes, the ordinances performed through the Church are important, as are its scriptural texts and moral exhortations and spiritual conduits. But even these, in my experience, are powerful and redemptive partly because they work harmoniously with profound, life-giving oppositions through the Church structure to give truth and meaning to the religious life of Mormons. . .
These are examples, I believe, of what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 12, the great chapter on gifts, where he teaches that all the parts of the body of Christ—the Church—are needed for their separate gifts, and in fact that those with "less honourable" and "uncomely" gifts are more needed and more in need of attention and honor—perhaps because the world will automatically honor and use the others.It is in the Church especially that those with qualities ("gifts") of vulnerability, pain, handicap, need, ignorance, intellectual arrogance, social pride, even prejudice and sin—those Paul calls the members which "seem to be more feeble"—can be accepted, learned from, helped, and made part of the body so that together it can all be blessed. It is there that those with the more comely and world-honored gifts of riches and intelligence can learn what they most need to—to serve and love and patiently learn from those with other gifts. . .
The Church is where there is fruitful opposition, the place where its own revealed nature and inspired direction maintains an opposition between liberal and conservative values, faith and doubt, secure authority and frightening freedom, individual integrity and public responsibility—and thus where there will be misery as well as holiness, bad as well as good. And if we cannot stand the misery and the struggle, if we would prefer that the Church be "a compound in one" such as Lehi described (smooth and perfect and unchallenging, without internal opposition and thus "vanished away") rather than as it is, full of nagging human diversity and constant insistence that we perform ordinances and obey instructions and take seriously teachings embodying paradoxes that are not logically resolvable—if we refuse to lose ourselves wholeheartedly in such a school, then we will never know the redeeming truth of the Church.
If we constantly ask, "What has the Church done for me?" we will not think to ask the much more important question, "What am I doing with the opportunities for service and self-challenge with which the Church provides me?" If we constantly approach the Church as consumers, we will never partake of its sweet and filling fruit. Only if we can lose our lives there will we find ourselves.It is precisely in the struggle to be obedient while maintaining independence, to have faith while being true to reason and evidence, to serve and love in the face of imperfections, even offenses, that we can gain the humility we need to allow divine power to enter our lives in transforming ways. Perhaps the most amazing paradox about the Church is that it literally brings together the divine and the human—through priesthood service, the ordinances, the gifts of the Spirit—in concrete ways that no abstract systems of ideas ever could. . . "
(The original paper was titled, "Why The Church Is More True Than The Gospel". He later modified it, but I prefer the original title. I found two other full versions on the Internet: http://ldsfocuschrist.blogspot.com/2007/10/why-church-as-true-as-gospel-eugene.html and http://www.zionsbest.com/gospel.html if you would like to read the entire essay.)
My SGA is a unique mortal gift to make the most of. I must frequently remind myself of the good qualities it has given me. Navigation within the complex forces of marriage and Church membership can draw out the best that is within me. I am challenged to develop compassion and spiritual sensitivity. I get tired and discouraged and many time get off course, but then, in the midst of the tempest when the sweet Spirit whispers, "Peace, be still", I am reminded that He knows the way and will guide me Home if I let Him.
Lehi's law, "It must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11), is perhaps the most provocative and profound statement of abstract theology in the scriptures, because it describes what apparently is most ultimate in the universe. In context it clearly suggests that not only is contradiction and opposition a natural part of human experience, something God uses for his redemptive purposes, but that opposition is at the very heart of things: it is intrinsic to the two most fundamental realities, intelligence and matter—what Lehi calls "things to act and things to be acted upon" (v. 14). According to Lehi, opposition provides the universe with energy and meaning, even makes possible the existence of God and everything else; without it "all things must have vanished away" (v. 13).We all know in our experience the consequences for mortal life of this fundamental, eternal reality. Throughout history the most important and productive ideas have been paradoxical, that is, in useful opposition to each other: the energizing force in all art has been conflict and opposition; the basis for success in all economic, political, and other social development has been competition and dialogue. Think of . . .reason versus emotion, freedom versus order, individual integrity versus community responsibility, men versus women (whose differences make eternal increase possible), justice versus mercy (whose combination makes our redemption through the atonement of Christ possible).Life in this universe is full of polarities and is made full by them. We struggle with them, complain about them, even try sometimes to destroy them with dogmatism or self-righteousness or a retreat into the innocence that is only ignorance, a return to the Garden of Eden where there is deceptive ease and clarity but no salvation. . .
And that is precisely where the Church comes in. I believe the Church is the best medium, apart from marriage (which it much resembles in this respect), for helping us gain salvation by grappling constructively with the oppositions of existence, despite our limited and various understandings of "the gospel." I believe that the better any church or organization is at such help, the "truer" it is. . .
Let us consider why this is so: In the life of the true Church, as in a good marriage, there are constant opportunities for all to serve, especially to learn to serve people we would not normally choose to serve—or possibly even associate with—and thus there are opportunities to learn to love unconditionally (which, after all, is the most important thing to learn in the gospel). There is constant encouragement, even pressure, to be "active": To have a "calling" and thus to have to grapple with relationships and management, with other people's ideas and wishes, their feelings and failures. To attend classes and meetings and to have to listen to other people's sometimes misinformed or prejudiced notions and to have to make some constructive response. To be subject to leaders and occasionally to be hurt by their weakness and blindness, even unrighteous dominion—and then to be called to a leadership position and find that we, too, with all the best intentions, can be weak and blind and unrighteous.Church involvement teaches us compassion and patience as well as courage and discipline. It makes us responsible for the personal and marital, the physical and spiritual welfare of people we may not already love (may even heartily dislike), and thus we learn to love them. It stretches and challenges us, even when we are disappointed and exasperated, in ways we would not otherwise choose to be stretched and challenged. Thus it gives us a chance to be made better than we may have chosen to be—but need and ultimately want to be. . .
Two keys to this paradoxical power in the Mormon church are first that it is, by revelation, a lay church—radically so, more than any other—and second that it organizes its congregations geographically rather than by personal choice. I know that there are exceptions, but the basic Church experience of almost all Mormons brings them directly and constantly into very demanding and intimate relationships with a range of people and problems in their assigned congregations that are not primarily of their own choosing but are profoundly redemptive in potential, in part because they are not consciously chosen. Yes, the ordinances performed through the Church are important, as are its scriptural texts and moral exhortations and spiritual conduits. But even these, in my experience, are powerful and redemptive partly because they work harmoniously with profound, life-giving oppositions through the Church structure to give truth and meaning to the religious life of Mormons. . .
These are examples, I believe, of what Paul was talking about in 1 Corinthians 12, the great chapter on gifts, where he teaches that all the parts of the body of Christ—the Church—are needed for their separate gifts, and in fact that those with "less honourable" and "uncomely" gifts are more needed and more in need of attention and honor—perhaps because the world will automatically honor and use the others.It is in the Church especially that those with qualities ("gifts") of vulnerability, pain, handicap, need, ignorance, intellectual arrogance, social pride, even prejudice and sin—those Paul calls the members which "seem to be more feeble"—can be accepted, learned from, helped, and made part of the body so that together it can all be blessed. It is there that those with the more comely and world-honored gifts of riches and intelligence can learn what they most need to—to serve and love and patiently learn from those with other gifts. . .
The Church is where there is fruitful opposition, the place where its own revealed nature and inspired direction maintains an opposition between liberal and conservative values, faith and doubt, secure authority and frightening freedom, individual integrity and public responsibility—and thus where there will be misery as well as holiness, bad as well as good. And if we cannot stand the misery and the struggle, if we would prefer that the Church be "a compound in one" such as Lehi described (smooth and perfect and unchallenging, without internal opposition and thus "vanished away") rather than as it is, full of nagging human diversity and constant insistence that we perform ordinances and obey instructions and take seriously teachings embodying paradoxes that are not logically resolvable—if we refuse to lose ourselves wholeheartedly in such a school, then we will never know the redeeming truth of the Church.
If we constantly ask, "What has the Church done for me?" we will not think to ask the much more important question, "What am I doing with the opportunities for service and self-challenge with which the Church provides me?" If we constantly approach the Church as consumers, we will never partake of its sweet and filling fruit. Only if we can lose our lives there will we find ourselves.It is precisely in the struggle to be obedient while maintaining independence, to have faith while being true to reason and evidence, to serve and love in the face of imperfections, even offenses, that we can gain the humility we need to allow divine power to enter our lives in transforming ways. Perhaps the most amazing paradox about the Church is that it literally brings together the divine and the human—through priesthood service, the ordinances, the gifts of the Spirit—in concrete ways that no abstract systems of ideas ever could. . . "
(The original paper was titled, "Why The Church Is More True Than The Gospel". He later modified it, but I prefer the original title. I found two other full versions on the Internet: http://ldsfocuschrist.blogspot.com/2007/10/why-church-as-true-as-gospel-eugene.html and http://www.zionsbest.com/gospel.html if you would like to read the entire essay.)
My SGA is a unique mortal gift to make the most of. I must frequently remind myself of the good qualities it has given me. Navigation within the complex forces of marriage and Church membership can draw out the best that is within me. I am challenged to develop compassion and spiritual sensitivity. I get tired and discouraged and many time get off course, but then, in the midst of the tempest when the sweet Spirit whispers, "Peace, be still", I am reminded that He knows the way and will guide me Home if I let Him.
Monday, October 15, 2007
A HOSPITAL FOR SINNERS
Someone said that the Church is not a museum for saints. It is a hospital for sinners. I thought of that when I read the Church's new pamphlet, "God Loveth His Children". Some bloggers' critical comments about it motovated me to go to www.lds.org/same-gender-attraction and read it for myself. I came away with a very different response than the critics.
They said that the title was too vague; that the Church was trying to cover up the fact that there are gays in the Church. The numerous articles in the Ensign, Church News, and now this pamphlet don't suggest to me that the Church is hiding the fact that many members struggle with SGA. They said that the pamphlet said we shouldn't have gay thoughts, act gay, or have gay friends, that we should deny our true selves and remain in the closet so that we won't make straight members feel uncomfortable; that there is nothing new, just the same old guilt trip.
While I understand that people who have been hurt by Church members' often unsensitive responses would feel defensive, I really believe that they are over reacting this time! I had never read the pamphlet. I was expecting to be offended by it because I have read all the past Church publications on this subject and at times have been miffed. Some pamphlets in the past seemed to try to bludgeon me into conformity. They got my attention like a 2×4 between the eyes. But I found this one to be very gentle, supportive, and inspiring! As I read it my thoughts were: "These principles apply to people of any sexual orientation." I thought of the hours I have spent counseling individuals and couples as a singles ward bishop. This is good counsel! I am going to use it in the future and suggest that if their problem isn' t SGA, they substitute their own issue and follow the principles and advice given. As to the title, the message that God loves me, and wants to help me permeates the pamphlet.
What follows is my summary of what it says:
They start off by saying that they don't know why SGA exists, but you should know that God loves you and that you are not a second class citizen in the Kingdom. You have the potential to fully enjoy all that God has to offer everyone. Handicaps in this life will be removed in the next. SGA doesn't make you unworthy.
Everyone is tempted. The challenge is to "diminish" these "uninvited" tempting thoughts. When they come don't "entertain" them. It helps to replace them immediately with uplifiting , constructive thoughts. [I see nothing but good advice here for someone who strives to discipline his thoughts. There is no guilt trip for having desires and thoughts, just good advice on how to bridle passions (Alma 38:12)]
You can be forgiven by God and should forgive yourself of the past. Concentrate on your strengths. Don't worry about those things you don't understand. Focus on simply living the Gospel.
You can resist these strong temptations through the power of Jesus Christ. Surround yourself with uplifting, positive things. Avoid environments full of temptations. Be fully active in the Church. No member of the Church should ever be intolerant. If some are, show them love and kindness. Don't stoop to their level.
Avoid influences that can harm you spiritually. Avoid people who talk obsessively about sexual stuff and unnecessarily discuss it. Choose friends who lead constructive, righteous lives. Set wise boundaries in your relationships. There can be danger in some emotionally intimate relationships, be cautious. [Again, more good advice. It doesn't say to have no SGA friends. It does counsel to avoid those who "flaunt" the desires you are struggling with. That is good advice for a heterosexual.]
You can find hope and overcome despair by knowing of God's continuing love and the power of the Atonement. Be patient if resolutions are not immediate.
Pornography is damaging and addictive and can lead to worse behavior. Turn to uplifting literature and music.
Don't carry guilty feelings for sexual experiences during your early years.
It is better to have daily spiritual food than to have occasional spiritual binges. Seek out help when needed from priesthood leaders and counselors, but don't become spiritually dependent on them. Your spiritual strength will come from your relationship with God.
There are other Latter-day Saints who, like you, have SGA. They are living lives worthy of all the blessings of the Gospel and so can you.
[It ends with this statement:]As President Hinckley said: “Our hearts reach out to those who struggle with feelings of affinity for the same gender. We remember you before the Lord, we sympathize with you, we regard you as our brothers and sisters.”
True to its role as a "hospital for sinners" the Church has provided a practical aid to healing. It as written for each of us with SGA who choose to stay in the Church and who strive to live up to our covenants. This is hard. We need all the help we can get.
They said that the title was too vague; that the Church was trying to cover up the fact that there are gays in the Church. The numerous articles in the Ensign, Church News, and now this pamphlet don't suggest to me that the Church is hiding the fact that many members struggle with SGA. They said that the pamphlet said we shouldn't have gay thoughts, act gay, or have gay friends, that we should deny our true selves and remain in the closet so that we won't make straight members feel uncomfortable; that there is nothing new, just the same old guilt trip.
While I understand that people who have been hurt by Church members' often unsensitive responses would feel defensive, I really believe that they are over reacting this time! I had never read the pamphlet. I was expecting to be offended by it because I have read all the past Church publications on this subject and at times have been miffed. Some pamphlets in the past seemed to try to bludgeon me into conformity. They got my attention like a 2×4 between the eyes. But I found this one to be very gentle, supportive, and inspiring! As I read it my thoughts were: "These principles apply to people of any sexual orientation." I thought of the hours I have spent counseling individuals and couples as a singles ward bishop. This is good counsel! I am going to use it in the future and suggest that if their problem isn' t SGA, they substitute their own issue and follow the principles and advice given. As to the title, the message that God loves me, and wants to help me permeates the pamphlet.
What follows is my summary of what it says:
They start off by saying that they don't know why SGA exists, but you should know that God loves you and that you are not a second class citizen in the Kingdom. You have the potential to fully enjoy all that God has to offer everyone. Handicaps in this life will be removed in the next. SGA doesn't make you unworthy.
Everyone is tempted. The challenge is to "diminish" these "uninvited" tempting thoughts. When they come don't "entertain" them. It helps to replace them immediately with uplifiting , constructive thoughts. [I see nothing but good advice here for someone who strives to discipline his thoughts. There is no guilt trip for having desires and thoughts, just good advice on how to bridle passions (Alma 38:12)]
You can be forgiven by God and should forgive yourself of the past. Concentrate on your strengths. Don't worry about those things you don't understand. Focus on simply living the Gospel.
You can resist these strong temptations through the power of Jesus Christ. Surround yourself with uplifting, positive things. Avoid environments full of temptations. Be fully active in the Church. No member of the Church should ever be intolerant. If some are, show them love and kindness. Don't stoop to their level.
Avoid influences that can harm you spiritually. Avoid people who talk obsessively about sexual stuff and unnecessarily discuss it. Choose friends who lead constructive, righteous lives. Set wise boundaries in your relationships. There can be danger in some emotionally intimate relationships, be cautious. [Again, more good advice. It doesn't say to have no SGA friends. It does counsel to avoid those who "flaunt" the desires you are struggling with. That is good advice for a heterosexual.]
You can find hope and overcome despair by knowing of God's continuing love and the power of the Atonement. Be patient if resolutions are not immediate.
Pornography is damaging and addictive and can lead to worse behavior. Turn to uplifting literature and music.
Don't carry guilty feelings for sexual experiences during your early years.
It is better to have daily spiritual food than to have occasional spiritual binges. Seek out help when needed from priesthood leaders and counselors, but don't become spiritually dependent on them. Your spiritual strength will come from your relationship with God.
There are other Latter-day Saints who, like you, have SGA. They are living lives worthy of all the blessings of the Gospel and so can you.
[It ends with this statement:]As President Hinckley said: “Our hearts reach out to those who struggle with feelings of affinity for the same gender. We remember you before the Lord, we sympathize with you, we regard you as our brothers and sisters.”
True to its role as a "hospital for sinners" the Church has provided a practical aid to healing. It as written for each of us with SGA who choose to stay in the Church and who strive to live up to our covenants. This is hard. We need all the help we can get.
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