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The last few weeks have been tough. I am not going to go into details, but it hasn't been pretty. So as I was wallowing in my pessimism, it hit me, nothing was getting better because I had not made a space for it. I have never seen myself as a negative person I am usually pretty upbeat. It hit me, the other day I had a phone call from Geoff and my Mom and I heard myself clearly for the first time. They both asked how my day had been and I went off on how bad everything was. I had become "that person", you know, the one that you put off calling because you feel the dark cloud over your head the whole time your talking to them. Geoff used to call whenever he had a minute and I realized that he rarely called during the day.
How was my life going to get any better if I kept myself stuck in such a negative pattern? I felt trapped in a vicious circle. The more I focused on all the bad things, the more depressed I became. The more depressed I became, the more I focused on what was all wrong in my life.
When I realized that I am the only one that can change my perspective, I turned to Gratitude. This is the best way I know to change behaviors. When I am focusing on the things that I am grateful for, they only multiply and increase leaving no room for the negative.
This is a lesson that I have had to learn many times in my life and I am sure this will not be the last. I am amazed how easy it is to fall into negative patterns and I am equally amazed at the opportunity for personal growth when I come out of it!
So the reason for this post is to share what I am thankful for today. I am thankful for sounds...or the lack thereof. This morning I listened to beautiful church hymns while listening to Aria play "mommy" to her babies. One of my favorite sounds in the world is Laila "talking". She has so much to say and loves to coo. Because I decided that today I am thankful for sounds I really started listening and I never realized that Aria has the most wonderful pitch to her voice, it is the sweetest high pitched melody. I am grateful for the sound of Geoff's voice at the end of the day, his sound is a solid foundation that grounds and stabilizes me.
At this moment, as I write this post, I am thankful for the lack of sound. The girls are in bed the house is picked up and I am feeling overwhelmed at what a wonderful day it has been. I thankful for all the bad things so that the good things are even that much better!