Advent - traditional understanding is a time of waiting, conversion and of hope:

waiting-memory of the first, humble coming of the Lord in our mortal flesh; waiting-supplication for his final, glorious coming as Lord of History and universal Judge;

conversion, to which the Liturgy at this time often refers quoting the prophets, especially John the Baptist, "Repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand" (Mt 3,2);

joyful hope that the salvation already accomplished by Christ (cf. Rm 8, 24-25) and the reality of grace in the world, will mature and reach their fulness, thereby granting us what is promised by faith, and "we shall become like him for we shall see him as he really is" (John 3,2).


As part of my advent preparation (or in the old language: discipline!) I have been reading each day from a collection of writings, Watch for the Light I was particularly struck by a short passage from Edith Stein, which made a nice change from the lengthy extracts earlier in the week from Karl Rahner and Meister Eckhart.

Edith wrote (and I quote more than what is published in the anthology): The Christian mysteries are an indivisible whole. If we become immersed in one, we are led to all the others. Thus the way from Bethlehem leads inevitably to Golgotha, from the crib to the Cross. (Simon's) prophecy announced the Passion, the fight between light and darkness that already showed itself before the crib. The star of Bethlehem shines in the night of sin. The shadow of the Cross falls on the light that shines from the crib. This light is extinguished in the darkness of Good Friday, but it rises all the more brilliantly in the sun of grace on the morning of the Resurrection. The way of the incarnate Son of God leads through the Cross and Passion to the glory of the Resurrection. In His company the way of every one of us, indeed of all humanity, leads through suffering and death to this same glorious goal.

It is only love that can conquer suffering, sin and evil. Love triumphs, the second reading at Holy Mass for the second Sunday of advent reinforces this: that the one who began the good work in you you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1). Love rules, keeps us focused and enables us to endure the waiting.

It's been a long hard week: the pain of people enduring the suicide of a young man, a family coming to terms with a miscarriage, a woman having a mastectomy, a woman attacking her mother and a support worker outside the bookshop with a baseball bat, ongoing news from a internet friend of a young man with bowel cancer, and so many others; all with their own story. My own woes pale into insignificance almost. For all who have shared with me, in the flesh and over the internet, my prayers continue:

Come Lord Jesus! Come again, into this suffering world and bring peace, hope and healing. AMEN!!

Advent is upon us. The bookshop is busy and hustle and bustle dominates peoples life.

Stillness, silence, waiting, patience is what is needed.

Enjoy this online advent calendar,and you can't cheat by opening the windows and reading ahead of time....

found at postsecret, spare a prayer for troops who are so stressed out that they can only react with such sentiments...

are you out there:

Mais, si tu m'apprivoises, nous aurons besoin l'un de l'autre

or if latin is more acceptable:-

veritas vos liberabit

well three glasses of lambrusco, pasta and salad on a freezing cold night in late spring makes one melancholic, or is that depressed or just lonely for the one one loves???

spring winter summer in a week....

To feed those enquiring minds who enjoy a wide mix of experiences: http://www.neverhappened.org/ - enjoy.

I enjoyed reading Children of Men many years ago. The art and music clips on the site are also interesting... G_7

A friend sent me a neat powerpoint presentation collating some of Mother Teresa's thoughts. During the first months of our marriage in 1981 we were privileged to meet up with Mother Teresa in Sydney during her visit in the International Year of the Disabled..

A couple of quotes from the presentation that really struck me:

If you judge people, you have no time to love them

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love

from plog to blog:



It's a tradition of the Catholic church that when a member of the clergy writes a book, the Pope is sent a copy. Here, in an unusual twist, John Trigilio and Kenneth Brighenti, authors of Catholicism for Dummies, have traveled to Rome to present Pope Benedict XVI a special hardcover edition of their forthcoming Pope John Paul II for Dummies. No predictions on whether it's headed to the bestseller lists or straight to the Vatican Secret Archives.--Jon, Books Editor Amazon books..

Meanwhile down under drought, bushfires and snow are all happening....

I have been battling a laptop that I should have installed Vista RC2 on, not Vista RC1, but hindsight heheheheh....

Master 22 has moved into the new abode, and life goes on with friends visiting for meals and the vegetable garden underway...

Gentle readers I hope that all is well with you all, for all will be well! (apologies to the dame from Norwich :0 )

well the extra large photo of moi and the clergy was too big for blogger to process so in the meantime enjoy this puzzle of perception:


It's been a great few days: contact with mothie, mauberly, tfisb, mdw and bronwyn. My brain is congitiving more each day, the dull shock and depression is lifting. The days are getting increasingly warmer. And within a month I will be back living in Canberra again. The hunt for an abode is about to begin.

It's been a while since I have felt like adding to my brain dump into the digital storage chamber. Winter has moved on and spring has sprung. Lenghtening days and warmer weather however do not dispel my anguish on the change in my lifes circumstances. Anguish for me comprises confusion, loss of intimacy and bewilderment in such a mysterious and sudden disruption to life. However the mystery is caught up with the holy and spiritual and I am at peace in my misery.

#72 appears to have been sold and once again 13 appears to have some more than random significance in 2006: the house sale will be finalised on October 13. Hopefully in early October Master 22 and I will be renting a house and some normality of lifestyle will return for me.

I made the local Canberra times again, this photo is not the exact one used but is representative of the published shot: Archbishop Mark Coleridge kissing the crucifix as he enters St Christophers' cathedral to be installed as the the new Archbishop of Canberra and Goulburn.

Finally, a thank you and a request, please keep praying for me. I need those prayers.

YMCA - You must come away....
US-born Archbishop Ambrose B. De Paoli,Apostolic Nuncio to Australia, Fr Peter Brock (seated) and Archbishop Carroll.
I met up with the nuncio again today. The last time had been at the funeral mass for Pope John Paul II, this time was for a book launch.

Archbishop Carroll is on his last weeks as Apostolic Administrator for the Archdiocese, Bishop Mark from Melbourne will be installed next week.

Fr Peter Brock of the Newcastle Diocese who probably holds the record for the number of parishes visited in all the dioceses in Australia, whilst he was Executive Officer for the National Commission for Clergy Life and Ministry, has had a book of retreat talks published. And no he is not the racing car driver, instead an accomplished musician and pilot, as well as a wonderful pastoral priest who for four years was the priest for priests, all over the country! As executive officer he actually spent more time out of the office and was outback - literally.

"You must come away" is Peters' third book I think, published by Spectrum Publications of Melbourne. The book was launched about an hour ago, and is available via the internet site "Abebooks "- well as soon as the computer processes the upload of the books details... The book is based the talks and formats of retreats he gave clergy in most Australian dioceses. Peter hopes that non-clergy will be able to benefit from the book as well.

Hopefully, Fr Francis in retirement may be able to publish a book of reflections of his times both as Bishop of Wagga Wagga and Archbishop of Canberra-Goulburn.

It's an instant world: book launch, blog, advertise... But hopefully many will benefit from turning the internet and television off; and using Peters book to 'rest for a while

I am currently in Queanbeyan, NSW, just over the border from Canberra. A time of waiting for #72 to be sold, and to begin another stage in the life journey. Days are getting longer again, and I cannot wait for spring to hopefully re-energise me and give more joy for life.

Some days are very painful, and the last eight months seem to be just a minute long. The shock, sorrow and suddenness of my change of circumstance almost pushes me into depression. However I keep on, aware that life is very wonderful and that I have so much to be thankful for. World events and even other peoples tragic lives around me keep me very aware that what has happened to me is not such a big deal. It hurts and the onoing estrangement seems weird and bizarre but I know that something wonderful will come out of this suffering.

On the computing front I have been tinkering with windows Vista, a slick and powerful operating system, that even though in beta has performed flawlessly. The folder navigation is great, and the slick sidebar is cute, however the networking implementation leaves a bit to be desired. I was amazed that I was able to get the USB broadband modem working with just a few clicks after reading on the manufacturers site that they were not supporting beta software. Roll on RC1, and more improvements. The only real downside is that a DOS program I use to run the bookshop will not work, I'm hoping support for legacy DOS applications will be present in the release candidate, otherwise I'll have to stick to XP and Win 98 at work. The laptop currently dual boots both XP and Vista. A stuff up with system commander stopped it booting but the Vista installation DVD fixed the problem and also re-activated the Dell Media boot option which System Commander had trashed... A neat feature of vista is its ability to use USB keys as a prefetch hold, to improve memory & CPU usage. I got a 2 gig key and it works well. The downside is that some memory cards eg from cameras are too slow.... never mind, keep the photos on the memory card...

Death has been ever present the last four weeks: friends parents, clergy and neighbours have all passed away, and the realisation that we are born to die hits home hard.

However joy of time with children and good news such as Amy finishing her "walk with a rose" help ease the descent towards depression.

I remain very grateful for all the prayers that are being said for me. I remember all you pray-ers in my prayers !

In less than 12 hours I'll be exiting #72

Goods and chattels are piled high in the shed

I'm housesitting for a friend for a few months until the house sale is settled

Funny how life aint what you expect, #72 I expected to be my home for the second half of my life, after enduring over 30 moves in my first 45 years...

I guess I'll croon "I have been a rover" as I clean the last few cupboards and mop the floors...

I'm just thankful that for the last 26 years loves been good to me. So many great memories, of life lived to the full in so many different ways. Now I prepare for the next 26 years of life, a life that may bring... who knows... but I trust that my faith will continue to deepen and my heart and mind remain open and loving.

Thanks, gentle readers for sharing my life over the past years, watch out for Graham?? coming later this year! For all those who pray and send good thoughts my way, I remain totally indebted to your care and concern. Thanks so much.

later...

Nigerian scam. Internet cons, tricks of the electronic age: scammers can drive you to bizarre and even murderous behaviour.
I have great compassion for Mary.

My last post promised more darkness posts, I had come across a book that gave me the idea of quoting selected passages from it and then reflecting on them. Too easy and probably a little disingenuous on my part. So I won't go down that blogging path, yet...

Meanwhile life goes on. The past week I have had early starts, putting in time at the bookshop, then off to the Australian National University until 10.30pm or so each night selling books at the National Charismatic Conference.

The conference this year was used to run a signs and wonders seminar featuring a guy from England, Damian Staynes who is a full on Roman Catholic, but convicted of the power of Jesus to heal people today. His message was an orthodox mix of Catholic teaching with Scripture,Church Fathers, the Catechism and Papal statements all getting full credence but also proclaiming the power of God in providing people with prophetic words and healings. He was no smoke and mirrors operator full of smooth talk; instead demanding people turn to God and turn off the television, that they spend more time in prayer and less time just wasting time. He draws on some of the teaching of John Wimber and Smith Wigglesworth.

On the Thursday evening there was an open night, for healing ministry. Over 800 people turned up (including the 300 conferencees') Damian, suffering jet lag did not preach a very inspired message but when he started praying for people to be healed, healings there were! Peoples shoulders, ears, knees, spines et al! Praise be to Jesus Christ! Damian demanded people not claim that they were healed unless they actually were. He was almost rude in challenging some people who thought they were healed. The most amazing thing for me was the healing of a teenage girl who had been suffering muscular dystrophy running and jumping around the hall after being healed. All up there were at least 90 healings, and Damian said some people would find that their healing would happen over the next few days, so probably all up 100 or so people have a new perspective on their health.

I came away from the week with a deeper desire to pray more. I find that I am a "great one" to pray when things are difficult but then I start coasting again, and just give lip service rather than a deep committment in my heart and mind. So I am going to start trying to maintain a regular deeper prayer life.

I was given some personal words of knowledge,and also had the most amazing experience when I asked for prayer about what to do with a sum of money. I have been trying to decide what to do with $40,000 and so I asked a woman to pray with me that I would know the Lords will. So we started praying, and all I could sense or intuit was that God was telling me to give a customer back $10.00. Originally this customer had said she was going to buy 4 CD's by a particular artist so I offered them to her at $20.00 each, however she only ended up buying one of those, and selected a brand new CD which I charged her $29.95 for, $49.95 in total. She had expressed some unhappiness about that. I decided to give her the $10.00, and then felt very peaceful through the rest of the prayer time. I did not get any amazing answer as to what I should do, but decided to keep seeking the Lords will about the $40,000.

I took the money to the customer, and apologised for causing her any distress. I went back to the book table, and ten minutes or so later the customer came back wanting to give me the $10.00 back. I said 'no, I believe God wants you to have it.' She said she would put it in the offering box. I said I was OK for that, and that as far as I was concerned all I knew was that God had told me to give her the money. She said 'are you sure?', and I said yes, and explained how I had sought prayer about $40,000 and all I could sense during the prayer time was to give her $10.00. Her face changed and I thought I had upset her more.

But she explained that the previous evening a friend had visited her at the conference and she had not paid for her friends meal. The cost of the meal $10.00! So the meal got paid for, and you gentle reader have had something to read from me!

Anyway enough of my spiritual adventures. Life is not just prayer and wonders. I am off to the pub with Master 22 and his mates for a beer tonight. I think Jesus would have had a beer or two, too after a week of healing and prayer!

Human existence is a journey of faith and, as such, goes forward more in darkness than in full light, with moments of obscurity and even profound darkness.
Benedict XVI, March 2006.

I have held these words close over the past three months. However, I do not feel that I am in darkness, more so that I am called to the light to understand the way forward.

Darkness is no enemy, seeking the light in the darkness is what matters.

more darkness posts to follow...

Johnson Briggs / Mega Loans Agency - beware this scammer dude has left London and now operates from Portsmouth - SCAM ALERT! If you have googled Briggs re an offer of money if you send tranfer monies to him, read the following and do not go down the same path as this email correspondent:

Hi there,
This is ***** who recenlty had wired some transfer money to Mr.Johnson Briggs
in Portsmouth, UK.
However, after I wired the transfer fee to him, I never got his message back
to me on when I will get the loan.
I just do random searach of "Johnson Briggs" on the google , and I came
across that your blog do mentoined about his name.
Please, I would like to ask you how is this guy Mr.Johnson Briggs is like,
is he a decent guy?
I am askthing this is because he has not replied my email for 3 days after
his company ( Mega Loans Agency) picked up the 335 USD trasnfer money I just
sent.
I am wondeirng is Mr.John Briggs a geniue guy to turst? Please let me know

*****

I replied to this email suggesting police and bank should be informed, however no doubt the money was wired through the usual channels and my correspondent has lost $335.00 USD - another scam victim. Mr Briggs obviously is staying one step ahead of the law....

However this savvy blogger had a bite of briggs. sweet!

quote of the 1/4 century found tonight whilst packing up books:

"we learn in school to value information more highly than behaviour"

'tis true, 'tis true.

And I won't allow my self to sing "if I could turn back time" {insert} wry sad emoticon {/insert} or "can we start again please."

Yet hope for good times, healing and a future of a relationship restored but different, probably apart but at least friendship is my dream. The future is unknown but anything is possible.

May is one of the best months of the year in Canberra, warm days, not too hot, not too cold. Today was "stay at home, Sunday", an unexpected chance to get back into the garden and weed, weed, weed, prune, tidy up the detritus and dead vegetation. The clock is ticking down to my departure from #72, a dream that was short-lived due to the complexity of lifes circumstances. Memories will always remain happy and positive until December 2005, when life began to change due to my ignorance of what was unfolding... Regrets, sure I have a few, but the reality of the good times far outweigh the nightmare of what I lived through in December and early January.

Meanwhile I guess I should post a reflection on that movie... "I have to get to a library - fast." I have not seen the movie, but what a thriller heh! How many libraries still retain quality books these days? No use of a handheld internet capable PDA or phone, no it's a modern drama that has such scintillating dialogue. I'll wait for the DVD release. Every radio station, every TV channel, and I guess the print media has multiple reviews... People want something to generate excitement but it does not excite me. I read Holy Blood, Holy Grail, books about Rosyln and the Green Man et al in the 1990's so I guess I was ahead of the pack. Reading the DVC I guessed the ending about half way through. I have not bothered to read any of Dan's other books, the feeble characterisations and abrupt location and event changes did not enthuse me to try his other novels...

I have been listening to audio books each evening. Richard Rohr & Paula D'Arcy on midlife, and the Journals of Thomas Merton. Much more interesting and affirming for the journey I am living. I remain sane, eating and praying well. Thanks again to all who remember me in your prayers. Gentle readers, may your life be blessed, also!

Here's to Amy, the hero of Walk with a Rose an upcoming a charity event that will take place in June and July 2006. Over eight weeks, Amy Banson will attempt to walk 1463 kilometres (910 miles)from Brisbane to Canberra.

Amy decided to undertake the walk as a fundraiser after caring for Clea Rose in the minutes after she was struck by a stolen car in the center of Canberra in July last year. Clea later died from the brain injuries she sustained as a result of this crime.

Wonderful and inspiring things come out of tragedy.