Into The Baby Land
Chapter XI: The Ivory Guardians

And truly, as the chyldes did observe the picture-device, I did steal awhile into the kitchen that I may seek succor, as is my wont about mid-day. Into the Hydrogen-Exciter did I thrust a plate of Rice and Bean, as is common to many that are Mexicans. As the Foods did so become heated inside the white box, lo! A wail did come from that room that housed the picture-device.

And so round came Joshua Remy, the Twin, the sure source of that woeful cry. I made as if to go to him, but lo! Another wail, at first thought I that of the Twin Ender, as to my ears it was a hearty cry, he being the stouter of the Two.

Thus made I haste upon to the Viewing Room and there did I espy the Guest Chyldes that were given to my care for a short time each Daye. The Girl the Older sat upon the sofa couch and did merely watch, as she was wont, her Nature much given to musing. The Boy of the Youngers did brace a grubsome arm against the screen of the picture-device, and then my mind came to know the source of the Second Wailing.

Lo! Ender, Twin to Joshua Remy (though seeming much dis-alike as an apple to an orange-fruit) had his teeth locked about the Boy Chyld's arm in a fierce-some bite! And though the Boy, franticked, did wave his arm thus to and again fro, could not for all his Wrigglings dislodge Ender the Twin.

This I beheld in but an instant as I swooped to scoop up the battle-furyed Ender the Twin. No words of comfort nor scolding did I voice, but did I clutch him to me in a firm and gentle Way that is known to me. Nor did I give punishment or word of mislike, as in truth mine heart was swolled with a strange pride to see him defend his Twin in such a manner.

Ender the Twin wept, doubtless believing a cause for grievance, that I nuzzled him and made likewise to scoop up Joshua Remy the Twin, who did stand near a-sniffling and with sad mewings. I held both up and did praise them with my Mind Elements and place them in a Higher Regard as to their standing in my heart.

Unfortunate Twins as I had thought them oft, for no true father did they have, save an uncle half-mad and availed of only Incomplete Learnings from Schools of Questionable Repute. Yet, as I have given such an example, their fraternity would be unequaled in this lifetime. Brothers have I had and have I still, yet our Learnings of the World did come uneven upon us, such as that one walked when the other could yet not, and so forth in all ways of growing.

At this tyme I did Know that e'er any should strike the one, they would meet the teeth of the other, thus in all Considerings must their foes make account for two Champions, though their Quarrel be with One or the Other.

Thus hope did swell in my breast and I knew despair for their Future no longer, as when someday the Full Madness does come upon me, the Twins might still look to each for succourity.

As for the Meal aforementioned and thus alluded to, I found it coldened upon my return, yet not to the point of dis-pleasantness, but of such a Temperature as to release the Savors and not yet scald the tongue that doth taste of it.

As for the Boy Chyld that did sustain the Twinful wrath, he grew to a deathly pallor and gained a chill like the interior of the De-heatinating Box in which we of that time stored Perishables. Desperately wont was he for the Anti-Bioticks, which did reside down the lane at the Apothecary-Mart, for which I could not be troubled to journey at that time. Thus, he died, and I did return the coins allotted by his Rearers to secure his care for that Daye, and none went away dis-pleasured, yet perhaps the Musing Girl whose thoughts are difficult to fathom did come to trouble at the loss of her brother-Chyld, perhaps not. This is the only mystery that remains with me of that Daye.

This is a call to assemble, my fellow rogues, vagabonds, and sometimes-do-wells.

We will be breaking into the top secret LEGO vault.


Once inside, we will all grab our favorite sets and then, of course, have them battle it out. Imagine the glory as a Space Pirate blows up a mag-lev train carrying knights on horseback while archers return fire from the backs of dragons while firetrucks race to rescue the wounded. Then, quake with fear as the Star Wars LEGO Death Star and T.I.E. fighters come into view, causing former enemies to band together to face this new threat to all.

Oh yeah, and it will all be set on a medieval world that rests on four massive TECHNIC race cars all going full-tilt along a giant racetrack.

It will be the most epic LEGO battle in the history of the LEGO world.

Just as soon as I find the secret vault. The location is written in only one place: the back of the Constitution of the United States. But screw that; I bet it's somewhere in Denmark.

Secret shame.



I'm a man who has hated himself on many occasions, but this instance blows them all out of the water.

One of them is Hannah Montana's brother. But man, some of those kids can dance. The prep school kids are probably my favorite...

I just threw up in my mouth.

Yea, the young Gurg did go forth into the market and thereupon made haste to the machines that did draw power from ionic current (not included).

And lo, he did exchange currencie for a light-capture device, and a spirit tablet that when provoked by a majik rod, doth draw many a stick figure upon the light-screen.

And verily did the devices burrow mightily into the creative centres within his brain, and the sticky mind-sap did trickle forth, which upon distillation, yielded an amber sweetness.

Eh, yes, I got a Bamboo drawing tablet and a Canon Powershot. How sweet it is.
I'm in the process of putting together a mighty work station with computer, typewriter, letter-writing, music, coffee maker, and easy access to dried mango slices.

The only other stuff in my room will be a bed and a fan. This is how I want to live.
I will make it so.

Pants down...go!

I have rid myself of the rating system. I've decided that it is better to write and think oneself mediocre than to set up a rating system and remove all doubt.

Also, I couldn't get it to rate the way I wanted it; in caterponies. I invented them, see, and they are just like real ponies except they grow an extra pair of legs every 5 years, reminiscent of the mighty saguaro cactus. The walking kind.

The caterpony also has a tool attachment for a lower jaw. One has a jackhammer, another a bulldozer blade, one has a off-shore oil-rig drill. There is also the little one-legged caterpony whose attachment is a moist towelette. He doesn't have many friends, unless you count the ones at the rib house, which I don't.

There is also an evil group of Caterponies, the Caterpunks. The leader is a really dumb caterpony but his attachment is Dick Cheney. Quite a tool.

I am reading The Night Land by William Hope Hodgson. It's as if Philip K. Dick were guiding Dante down into hell, except Dante is a 19th century champion cagefighter raised as a gentleman in Victorian England.


Toot sweet.

I'm worried that given my extremely impressionable mind, I may take to wandering the night looking for my own lost love. Lost isn't the right word; I know where exactly where she is. She's approximately two lifetimes away. I only have the one, see, and I'll never find her in the dark unless she calls out for me. I strain my ears listening but the only sound is the wind playing in the dark.


Eh, yes, well. I saw the Incredible Hulk. It was good. At the end of the movie one of the characters is drinking a green drink, some kind of shot. It nagged at me but I soon forgot it.

Yesterday, at the bank, the teller next to me was speaking with a girl about her bartending school. She said she knew a delicious drink called an Incredible Hulk. I turned, a little too quickly, and said "He drinks one in the movie."

The teller was male and knew exactly what I was talking about. The girl...I don't remember if she did anything. We chatted a bit about the film and then I scampered off.

I found the whole experience enlightening. This girl had been walking around with The Answer, and I had been walking around with The Question but neither of us knew it. I suspect she still doesn't know it.

That's why we need each other, I think. Some of us have the questions and some of us have the answers, but very few of us can recognize what we have. Perhaps it is like sticking your nose against the side of an elephant. Too close to something and you can't tell what it is until it smacks you with a log.

Have a good Pants-Down Friday. Watch out for elephants.

Hmm...Haloscan, my commenting system, now offers a ratings doodad. I've added it, hesitantly, mainly because it didn't really require any coding on my part and I know sometimes I like something but I'm too lazy to try to think of a comment that doesn't sound contrived. Hence, if the person had this, I could just click on my opinion.

Also, due to the anonymity factor maybe people will be more inclined to let me know when I've done bad. Eh, it's a thing, maybe a writer thing, where I am driven to open myself up to more channels of criticism. (Also, I live in the northernmost room facing the street, if any opinions are only adequately expressed if wrapped around a brick and heaved through a window.)

I don't know. I don't know, it's still an odd thing to put stuff out there and not really know what anyone thinks about it or if it's even being read. I can only imagine what it must be like to publish an actual book. It's like releasing an animal into the wild, maybe. "Go little book, go! You're free now! I can't take care of you anymore, you've got to be among you're own kind. No, I mean it, go! [throws a rock at it] Get out of here!"

Or worse, when it doesn't even look back.

To summarize, I don't know, maybe I'll hate it, maybe someone will hate it, but I'll try it out and see. I may even take the time to tweak the code so the picture is something else and not a star, which I never cared for. Stars, real stars, are way more bad-ass than their ubiquitous pointy depiction on stickers and the arms of punk-rockers. All kinds of elements being birthed and nuclears being fissioned and mile-long flares of millions-degree plasma and all electromagnetic discharges being discharged.

It would take some kind of gif to display majesty like that.