finding the path when it is not always easy = still a beautiful path

This week I was lucky enough to find a new path and walk the grounds of the Ringling Museum. Wow. I felt like I took a mini trip to Europe. The rose garden alone filled me up with so much discovery and glee.

I am searching these days for a peace to wash over me. I am experiencing panic attacks. Yes, the real ones that are super scary. I have been to the doctor and working with her on all that needs to happen.
One big question remains = why and what is making me panic? Soul searching I go.

My life has been filled with lots of soul searching, giving, loving and healing. I know that I can find the way back from these panic places. I am just on the path. So until I turn the right corner and walk down the right path - I will be searching. I will be noticing. I will keep my journal daily. I will create more art (the safest place in the world for me) I will love with a bigger heart. I will give more with less.

I will be grateful that this too shall pass and I will find the path of no panic.

Real life lessons. I will share and hopefully help some others.

finding my voice = knowing it is all good

line work some of my most favorite = ink with bamboo skewer

handmade envelope + treats for friends

hand stitched quilt piece by me, print, collage elements, all good.

Funny how many days turning into months then years it takes to find ones voice (again).
I have had my voice and run with it for years and years. I have had wild success with being a graphic designer, illustrator = always creating for clients. Having a rep to find my work. Lucky me. I have traveled and been lucky enough to snag really cool clients (that even made me feel like WOW-they picked me)

Well essentially with our move across the country last May I claimed my voice again. I am just hearing it these days (yes, it took longer then I thought it would to settle) I am so grateful that I live in beauty daily, inspired by the ocean, the birds, the lush tropics. It is all good. Really great. Finding that peace inside, the knowing = it is okay to just create and send it out into the world.

So I am creating with deadlines for myself these days. I am creating a body of work that will be coming together to dance for others. I am risking, I am pushing, I am doing this. Yes, I had found my voice again. Here I go.

Not easy. Learning daily and pushing harder. Okay, mountain get ready to move over. I am climbing you now.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/kellimay

learning so much about me these days = grateful lessons wor

work in progress = teaching me so much today

daily reminders = gifts of grace

daily reminders = gifts of grace

Lessons are always big for me. Sometimes they roll in hard and surprise me = and I wonder how did they ever come so fast and far. Wow. Lately, my lessons are more sneaky. Surprising still but, sneaky.
Focus on just creating for the sake of creating = for me me me. This is my uphill race.

I have my studio graphic design deadlines. I always meet them and they go swimmingly well.

I know must make the art of kelli world a deadline to produce and get out into the big world.

I am hoping by posting this I will start to believe I am talented enough. Silly how artists do this to ourselves. Tonight I am going to tell myself when I wake in the morning = Kelli you go get this world and show your art. Do it now. You are enough. You have everything you need. Go.

Hard lesson I am learning. I am learning.

staying on the path of creating, sharing and of course daily caring,

love sweet love princess owl hoot hoot

yes, i love to wear skirts but, not today. thank you.

my signature vest i adore wearing.

 

 

 

creating is where i find my comfort, peace, strength and my knowing. i just need to sit for a time and create and my world snaps into focus. i have always escaped to the most wonderful glee filled places with some level of knowing when i create.

staying on track so far this new year. creating for me. sharing with others. selling my original art for the first time personally. being super grateful that i am able to be an artist. trying to find the way to spread positive love and joy on a grand scale - world wide.

i will continue my quest knowing that the more i send out the better i feel.

grateful beyond. knowing.

facing fears = knocking them down one by one = staying steady

mixed media collage designed by me framed in vintage (of course)

graphics created by me, quote by me. unframed.

mixed media painting collage all by me. unframed.

daisy darling pen and ink, watercolor by me. unframed.

pen and ink illustration, watercolor by me. unframed

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pen and ink, watercolor illustration by me. unframed.

mixed media illustration artwork by me. unframed.

Crazy goofy me. I have always been a graphic designer (really like forever) and illustrator. I learned many zillions of years ago after a friend told me this = if it comes easy to you it is a gift, use it, do it.
I was already a graphic designer, illustrator, artist at the time. I never charged extra for illustration.
I always thought that if it came easy to me it was worthless. After this conversation I hired an illustration rep.

So for the past thirty years or so I have made a living (gratefully) creating for clients. I really never found the confidence to create just for me and put it out there in this great big world. Crazy as that sounds it is very true.

So after many years of nurturing this thought of creating for me and sharing with the world = I begin. Yes, I begin again. I am creating. I am listing my art on Etsy. I am telling others that it is out there to be found by like souls. I am still trembling inside praying that the folks who receive my art will like it in person.

I so look forward to the day when the anxiety leaves me and I know this = Kelli your art is good, it helps others feel good, it is okay to put it all out there.

Thanking you for sharing my journey. You are greatly adored.

the creating of a logo = i love this so much

original pen and ink illustration

pen and ink illustration of laurel wreath and flower

final logo = full of layers, illustrations, favorite colors 

 

 

I love creating logos. Truly they might be some of the best things I love designing. Adore these babies. Interesting that when it comes to creating a logo for little ole me = it proves to be most challenging.

So in this New Year of 2014 I have decided to face every fear and slay it down. I love love love the child like nature of me = I am embracing this finally. Hence, this little logo that feels happy, full of hope and joy.

My wish is that I can fill the space in my world with love, joy, unconditional glee.

This tiny little simple logo is my fresh start greeting 2014. Snappy happy me. Grateful to the moon and back to be living this life of mine.

listening to my heart = really listening, finally

listening to my whole heart = facing fears

my first printed Pearl Button card 2013 Holiday

my first Pearl Button Sticker 2013 Holiday

forever grateful for my little 12 pound muse = daughter Pearl Button

2014 for me is about making my dream a reality. creating designs filled with joy filled words, photos, layers of design and love tons of love poured in = cards, cards, cards.

i have so many fears about making this happen = not sure where they come from or why? i am choosing this = face them, break them down one by one and THRIVE.

i will be learning how to create a following of like minds and souls. i do hope to inspire, create and give of myself through my designs.

here i go. please come with me = we will have fun.

so it has been a month = crazy flying time

my re birthday treat

gifts from a sacred soul friend

new view from our new rental home in two weeks

practicing life

so it has been almost one month since i posted. i have been coming up with new names for my blog after much soul searching i have it = kelli may-krenz. yes, I am more then enough. Simple and pure it is just about being real.

moving again this month. yes, i waited 17 years to sell my home and move across the country. now after 3 months moving again. grateful for this life of change and gifts that are blessed for me.

i posted a few photos above of random bits of my life these days. simply said it feels good to be alive, knowing what it is like to really feel good, appreciating that i can change in ways i never imagined.

so so grateful.

random loves lately = change is so good

crazy loving the air plants and tropicals

adoring this planter with shells and just a tiny plant or two

new find = vintage and loving so much

I am totally embracing change in my life and getting all that it means for me. How lucky I am to be on this path of self discovery and learning. From the simple found beauties in nature to the vintage candle holders just waiting for me = I am finding a new place in me that feels whole and so good.

Taking elements out of my life that did not work for me. Things that did not make me shine. Filling those places and spaces up with everyday beauty, everyday things, that is a real gift.

I have always loved nature. Rocks, shells, trees, leafs, colors in the grasses and flowers. I feel like vintage loves and nature combined help me be me. Learning to just create and be what a free place.

I am continuing my alters and shrines these days. They are getting bigger and better and filling me up.
The shine is becoming more and more clear for this I am most grateful.

Sending all good energy, love and raw happiness into the world everyday.

living life full out = knowing myself walking strong

me the night before my world taught me more

a sacred meadow

a precious girl named Natasha (Nattie)

a simple shrine to celebrate life

My life has come with many many really hard lessons. I am me because of all of these moments I was given to learn from and grow. Seven years ago today the 12th of August. I had a dear loved friend die with me. His heart just stopped at 47 years young. I thought maybe, I would never fully breathe again. I am breathing and marching and loving more.

I was blessed to adopt his girl Nattie and have her as my girl for over 6 years. How lucky that my soul could be loved by this angel.

I am always aware of how precious time and moments are. I try my best to act in kindness, to love fully without fears, to give all that I have. I know that my journey is beginning yet again to love, give, create and make a difference in this big world.

Tonight I honor the moments in life my dear loved friend had and shared with me. I celebrate Nattie and all of the goodness she has taught me.

I celebrate how very very lucky I am to be me.

following my spirit to Esalen = being brave and knowing = grateful

leaving at five in the morning to fly across the country to Big Sur

second flight a little plane to get me to San Jose

embracing color and me

beauty was everywhere

Big Sur Esalen = amazing

sacred spaces speaking to my soul

the ocean and her daily magic

living mindfully with intentions

brave me

sacred sisters = so gratefully blessed 

Knowing and listening to my inner voice meant hopping on a plane and going on a retreat with 14 women i had never met (connections on facebook only) Invited by one amazing artist I admire and who inspires me (and thousands of people) Trusting in the universe of powerful change and going.

One week at Esalen with like souls = artists. Facing silly fears that were very real to me and over coming anxiety. Move across the country after selling my home of 17 years, selling most everything I owned and 2 months later pack up and fly to Big Sur. Yes, these are the times that will teach me who I am at my very core.

I found that I am not alone in my thinking or being in life. I can have very powerful connections and friendships based on common truths with other artists and like souls. I was left knowing that I can move a mountain (again) I can create and help and love love love.

For me this retreat was so inspiring, empowering and life changing. I am gushing with glee for the women who created this and for the women who attended.

I know that as my mind wraps around this sacred time I will have more to share and write. For today I will say this = I am proud of myself and I am loving the journey my life is giving me.

giving = fills me up with energy and light

lots of special details all coming together to create something special

vintage beads, glass, stones, color all combined with love

little vintage hand sewn bags with tags, feathers, beads, stitches

15 necklaces to give = grateful i am 

I love giving. I love giving so very much. I love the art of making, layering, building and each tiny detail that makes packages extra special. Feeling the love of giving makes me whole and feel very connected to tiny graces in the world.

These are some treats I created to give my new friends I was going to meet at Esalen in Big Sur. Knowing that I had never met any of these women (in person) left me wanting to give something from my heart that would travel home with them. Nothing better then giving of ourselves.

They were well received by these new friends of mine. I know for sure they know they are cherished and so welcome in my world.

Beloved. Giving. Grateful. I am.