It's that time of year again
I was telling the Brooklyn Hillbilly earlier today some of the things I love about the holidays: awkward social situations, snow, ice, crowded stores, etc.
It's at about this point of the holiday season that I become truly desperate in my gift shopping. For some on my list, especially the elderly, I have to resort to old stand-bys. Really, I ask you, just what does an 80-year-old want or need for Christmas? What I think would make these individuals most happy would be if I spontaneously reproduced and added to the collection of children in the family, but that isn't happening any time soon, so I'm left to decide between gift items like a jar of peanuts and slippers with no-skid soles. "Hello, here I am the loser childless single-person with your elegantly-wrapped jar of Planter's dry roasted peanuts - Merry Christmas!" Oh, they will be most pleased.
Seriously, though, what do you buy for the aged?
The BH & I were discussing this awhile back and came up with a few options:
Chocolate-covered cherries - I've only met one person (now deceased) who actually
liked chocolate-covered cherries, but if the elderly person on your shopping list happens to be among those who do, then you're in luck. They're dirt cheap and readily available, and, frankly, the elderly probably expect to get at least one box of them per Christmas. Just make sure your box is opened before all the others they receive from your siblings.
Slippers - As you know, (stereotypical) old people spend most of the day puttering around the house in comfortable clothes, watching Regis and such, and the perfect pair of slippers is just what they need. For those daring, ready-to-try-new-things elderly people on your list, consider
slipper socks.
Peanuts - Why is this a traditional gift for the elderly? The older people in my family actually give jars of peanuts to
each other. "Merry Christmas, Maude, here's you a jar of nuts. Why - you got me one, too?! What a surprise!"
Postage stamps - I confess I once gave stamps as a gift to someone who couldn't leave the house. I've seen others do nice gift baskets filled with postage stamps, pens, and greeting cards for various occasions (it's tacky, however, if you use the greeting cards you get in the mail free from the Disabled American Veterans).
Fruit baskets - I don't mind fruit baskets myself, but it always seems that the ones I have helped devour have fruit that tastes almost as plastic as it looks.
Gigantic small-trash-can-size can of popcorn -- with a triple divider inside separating cheese popcorn, caramel popcorn, and regular - The BH suggested this one, noting that an elderly person could eat on such a container of popcorn for months.
Hand cream/lotion - Ack, I'm 31 and my skin is already drying out rapidly. I will look like a komodo dragon by the time I'm 80. If you have a komodo dragon on your shopping list, consider a nice vat of skin moisturizer. Keep in mind whatever scent you choose will have to be endured by everyone else at church, so keep it subtle or unscented, please.
Phone cards (do not tell the old person it is a calling card, because this once meant something entirely different) - If your elderly relative is technologically savvy (i.e. is open to dialing a PIN number plus an 800 number every time they call long distance), then this is a nice gift. It's a decent gift for anyone -- not knock-your-socks-off thrilling, but very useful and no doubt appreciated down the road when all of those holiday bills start rolling in.
Newspaper or magazine subscription - Daily newspaper subscriptions are quite pricey, but you could do part of a year, or a subscription to a weekly paper. The older people I know really enjoy getting their newspapers and magazines. Subscriptions, of course, present you with the dilemma of needing something to wrap. In that case, purchase the aforementioned box of chocolate-covered cherries for 98 cents and present that with a gift card for the subscription.
Restaurant Gift Certificates - Of course, consider location and whether the person can actually get to the restaurant. For someone homebound, a cool gift would be a certificate for a place that delivers.
Telephone with giant-sized number buttons - These make it easier to dial 9-1-1 without putting on the glasses, or when the "arthur-ritis" is acting up.
