Impacted Fecal Matter

No, no ... I promise ... this is not another post about The Episcopal church.

I just want to tell you that there is huge money to be made by telling people false things they wish were true.

I have been getting a lot of spam emails lately regarding colon cleansing. You know, the ones that tell you the real reason you are overweight has nothing to do with your diet or lack of exercise. It is all due to the 25 pounds (or more) of IFM (impacted fecal matter), stuck like spackle to the walls of your intestines. If you buy the product, it will all be flushed out, and you will no longer be fat!

It's absurd. The people who fall for this kind of scam can grab the fat on their bellies (and elsewhere), knead it in their hands, and see with their own eyes that it is external body fat that is the problem. Snopes and other anti-hoax sites have attempted to add a dash of sanity to the conversation.

But, you see. It's not about the facts. It's about desire. And here, the desire is to believe that one's current diet is okay, when it is not. That one's current exercise plan is sufficient in both intensity and frequency, when in fact it is woefully inadequate. It's all about what they want to be true. They don't want it to be their fault. And they will pay for the easy fix.

I would venture to say that most or all heresies are like this as well. Each represents a divergence from the Christian faith, motivated by something that the doctrinal innovator desperately wishes were true. In the end, though, we all have to step on the scale. And the truth will be known.

Walking Lunges

Walking lunges have not been tried and found wanting; they have been found difficult and not tried.

I borrowed this quote from G. K. Chesterton. Okay, he didn't really say this about walking lunges; he said it about Christianity. But up until 2008, in my case at least, it had been true about lunges, walking or otherwise. Here is what a walking lunge looks like:



My coaches cause me to do three sets of twenty per leg, alternating between the left and the right leg. I have a love/hate relationship with them. I've always avoid doing lunges because, as Chesterton noted about Christianity, they are difficult! At first, I couldn't even stay balanced; I would fall over sideways, like the guy does in the second have of this "Goofus and Gallant" walking lunge video. But even after I could stay balanced, cranking out twenty reps per leg was and is very hard for me. Because of the weakness I have ... from avoiding lunges in the past.

When I step onstage again in July, I expect my vastus medialis muscles to be significantly improved over last year. Much of this improvement can be credited to the walking lunge.

It is the same thing in the spiritual life: Sometimes the particular kind of spiritual exercise we shun the most is the very thing that would benefit us most.

T-Shirt Contest Winners!

First Prize goes to Jill C:

"Here we come, walking down the beach . . . hey, hey we're the Primates!"



Honorable mention goes to Rick H., for this fine entry ...

"I thought you said that YOU were bringing the boogie boards."

"No, your grace, I asked you if YOu were bringning them and I distinctly heard you say that you were all over it."

Thanks to EVERYONE who sent in an entry! I myself had thought of some J. Alfred Prufrock spinoff, such as:

I shall wear magenta vestments, and walk upon the beach ...

Anyhow, if you winners would consult the sizes available, as seen in this post, and then contact me (paul @ anglicanbeachparty dot com) ... I'll get your T-shirts sent out to you!

Hot Rod Anglican Photo Caption Contest

Best caption for this one gets a free Hot Rod Anglican T-shirt ...

This is one photograph that just screams Anglican Beach Party!

Windex Hymnody

A couple of Sundays ago, the roads were too icy to go to our home parish. So, we made our 2nd expotition (for this Winter) to the somewhat nearer AMiA parish. There, we sung this hymn:

Shine Jesus shine
Fill this land with the Father's glory.
Blaze Spirit blaze
Set our hearts on fire.
Flow river flow
Flood the nations with grace and mercy.
Send forth your word
Lord and let there be light.

In the car on the way home, we unanimously decided that this song was "lifted" from a Windex™ commercial. Yes, we are Church-music snobs.

As in:

Shine Windex™ shine
Leave our windows and mirrors spotless.
Spray Windex™ spray
Wash our streaks away.
Flow Windex™ flow
With your new, improved no-drip nozzle.
Send forth your stream
Windex™ let in the light.

We do love the AMiA parish. The priest there is a poet of extraordinary talent (and, as a poetry snob, I don't say that very often!), and the folks are just excellent Christians. But we can only take so much 1970s Youth Group worship music.

Does that make us bad Anglicans?

Episcopalianism and Buddhism are Very Much Alike.

G. K. Chesterton once wrote:

Students of popular science, like Mr. Blatchford, are always insisting that Christianity and Buddhism are very much alike, especially Buddhism. This is generally believed, and I believed it myself until I read a book giving the reasons for it. The reasons were of two kinds: resemblances that meant nothing because they were common to all humanity, and resemblances which were not resemblances at all.

Of course, Christianity and Buddhism are as nearly opposite as is possible. The Episcopal "church" doesn't get that. But this guy does ... (Hat Tip: Baby Blue)



Christianity and Buddhism are not compatible. But The Episcopal "church" and Buddhism are compatible ... because TEc is not even remotely Christian any longer.

Situation Normal: All Anglicanned Up

Anglicanism's very pessimism about the nature of man and his prospects for earthly success is a big part of why I will always remain Anglican.

The Anglican faith, as expressed in the Book of Common Prayer, predicts that things will be horrible.

Sometimes, as in the Litany, we are praying that God will preserve us through the horrible problems.

But more frequently, we are confessing that we are the horrible problem.

At Morning Prayer, we pray: Vouchsafe, O Lord, to keep us this day without sin.

But then, at every Morning Prayer and Holy Communion, we confess that it has not worked.

MP: ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father; We have erred, and strayed from thy ways like lost sheep. We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts. We have offended against thy holy laws. We have left undone those things which we ought to have done; And we have done those things which we ought not to have done; And there is no health in us.

HC: ALMIGHTY God, Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Maker of all things, Judge of all men; We acknowledge and bewail our manifold sins and wickedness, Which we, from time to time, most grievously have committed, By thought, word, and deed, Against thy Divine Majesty, Provoking most justly thy wrath and indignation against us.

So, you see that Failure is enshrined in the Book of Common Prayer. The expectation of sin and failure are, in a sense, at the very heart of Anglicanism.

Will trouble in the Anglican world cause me to leave Anglicanism? No way!

Situation Normal: All Anglicanned Up!