What a difference a year makes...

I can't believe almost a year has passed since my last post. I guess one could say I wasn't in a blogging mood last year. And what a year it has been!

In August I was assigned six classes, again. It was dreadful but made the year absolutely fly by.

September through December were relatively quiet. September we got the news that Colleen and Tom were expecting, making me an aunt again! And shortly before Christmas I found out that the baby was a girl!! Christmas was spent up in Cleveland as the Munoz family (Colleen, Victor, Rebecca, and Sofia) and Kelli came in to town for the holiday. We had an amazing time with them and loved the fact that the Munoz's couldn't get back home due to a snow storm here, causing them to stay for some extra days. It was wonderful having the laughter of children in the house.

February 15th, 2013 my dear, sweet Amma finally went to be with Ampa after deteriorating quickly over the last few months. It is never easy to say goodbye to a loved one, but I was happy she was back home with Ampa.

February in to April John and I were matched with two different birth mom's. Both women were young and early on their pregnancies. Both matches ended quickly, yet our hearts were still hurt in the process. We then began to research other avenues for adoption as we had hit the one year mark a few months before.

March to May were relatively quiet. The end of April John and I headed to Atlanta, Georgia, to shower Colleen and Tom with love and gifts for Abigail. It was a great weekend there with family and friends. On May 6th, which would have been Ampa's 93rd birthday, I had the pleasure of attending the memorial service for Amma and Ampa at their Port Charlotte, Florida church with members of Mom's family. It was a beautiful ceremony.

On June 9, we got the call that Colleen was in labor! Mom and I got in to the car and headed down to Georgia. Abigail Beth was born that evening. Being there to hold my niece shortly after she was born was something I will never, ever forget. Colleen is an amazing mom and Abigail is a lucky girl to have such amazing parents.

On June 30, John and I received the call we had been waiting for, after 18 months of waiting ~ we were matched! A baby girl had been born on the 29th and her birth mom chose US! On July 1, just 24 hours later, we walked in to our house with our daughter, Madison Ellen.

Today marks Maddie's 1st month birthday. Our world was turned upside down, and I couldn't be happier. I'm now a Mommy, and John a Daddy. We are still learning A LOT about being parents but are so blessed and so in love with our daughter.

So the next year will probably also fly by, but I will do my best to update here and there. Heck, I don't even know if people are still following my blog (I know I wouldn't...ha ha ha).

But I'm so excited to see what this year will hold!

Saying Goodbye

Today my sweet Ampa took his last breath and passed away in his sleep next to Amma. This is exactly how the family hoped he would go, and exactly what he wanted.

I am so grateful to have shared Ampa's last weekend on earth with him. We had so many good laughs and smiles and hugs and kisses and "I love you's" and "I'm so blessed". That is what is helping me to smile through my tears.

Losing someone you love is never ever easy, but I know he lived an incredible life, making the most of his 92 years. He raised four children, seven grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren with love, and the love for his family transcends down the line to each of us.

Heaven got lucky today.

John and I on John's last visit with Ampa (early July 2012)

Colleen and I with Amma and Ampa (Saturday, July 28, 2012)

I had to include this incredible picture of Colleen and Ampa (Saturday, July 28, 2012)

I've been busy! :)

I know I've been a stranger, but I've been sort of busy. Okay, not sort of, but definitely busy, but it has been a good kind of busy. Since January 17, 2012, I've been busy losing weight.

As of today I am down 31 pounds.

You have NO IDEA how happy, wonderful, excited, relived, amazed, rejuvenated, LIGHTER I truly feel. I am the epitome of a loser, and I'm happy with that.

For anyone who really knows me, my weight has been a sticky sticky point of contention for a very very very long time. Too long. I would try Wei.ght Watc.hers, join a gym, and then fail miserably at both. And this was a cycle I did not get out of for way too long. I knew I had the support system around me to motivate me through, but I just wasn't one hundred percent ready. I know, that is so ridiculous. I was overweight and extremely unhealthy and unhappy, but the motivation to better myself was lacking.

Then December 2011 came along. On the very day John and I were at the Licking Courthouse being pre-approved for our adoption, a tenth grade student of mine decided to cut my class. She was found to be skipping and I was asked to write her up. I, however, did not write her up, my co-worker did, but as my lovely co-worker's signature is illegible, the administrator probably saw that this student had my English class on her schedule and told said 10th grader I wrote her up. A few days later that student went on a Tw.itter rampage about me...and attacked me in the worst way possible ~ she posted over Twi.tter how overweight and fat I was. I sobbed for hours when I came across those posts. (She was later suspended and then ultimately removed from my class for the rest of the school year.)

But you know what? Although I would NEVER tell that student this, it was essentially because of her absolutely horrible and nasty and hateful tweets about me that really got under my skin that made me take the first step. I stopped looking in the mirror saying I couldn't do it. I stopped saying I wouldn't do it. And I haven't looked back since January 17th.

Now don't get me wrong, I still have a LONG way to go, but I'm pretty happy with a loss of 31 pounds in 15 weeks. I am doing Wei.gh Watch.ers and LOVE LOVE LOVE the program. In 16 weeks I have not missed a meeting or a weigh-in. In 16 weeks I have logged 100% of what I have eaten in to my food journal. In 16 weeks I've eaten more vegetables and fruit. In 16 weeks I talk about the amount of points in things and think twice before putting food in to my mouth.

In 16 weeks I have learned to smile more, laugh more, and love myself more. And that is priceless.

I would be remiss if I didn't thank those people who, without their support, I would not be successful. First and foremost - JOHN. My biggest cheerleader has been amazing. He has embraced my anal-ness when it comes to buying food and where I can and cannot eat out and how many points things are. And he has done it with a smile. I don't think he truly knows how important it is to hear him say "you look amazing" and finally feel that I am getting to be amazing. I see how happy he is now that I'm growing smaller, and that makes me so happy. I know he loves me at any size, but when he puts his arms around me to hold me close, I love that he gets to hold me tighter and closer as 31 pounds are now gone. Second and certainly still very important - MOM, DAD, COLLEEN, TOM, and MYRA. Next to John, these five people have been AMAZING with their support. I so look forward to call them every Tuesday night at 6:30 to share my newest loss and my newest overall weight loss number. To hear their excitement and sometimes tears of happiness makes me so eternally grateful for their love and support. It makes my new way of living not a chore but something I'm excited about and something I am excited to share with them.

So like I said, I'm a work in progress. But to show you how the progress is going...

Here is a picture of John and I at Disney in October 2011:

Here is a picture of John and I today at a friends' wedding:

See any difference? I do! :)

Long time, no write **Updated 3/12/12 with link to newspaper article**

Sorry I've neglected this blog. Just haven't been much in a writing mood lately. Between dealing with 125 students in six classes, working with Speech and Debate students (we qualified 23 to states and will be taking 8 to National's in June), and just living life, writing hasn't been that interesting to me.

Not much going on other than what is above. No news on the adoption front. It has only been three months, so I haven't lost all hope just yet. We know our wait can be long, but hope each day our wait gets shorter.

Today I was interviewed for an article about Colu.mbus couples who are using Facebook to help them find a birth mom. I hope she could use some of what I said...what an incredible networking tool that would be! For those of you curious, here is our Facebook Page. Feel free to share with family and friends!!

I hope to not allow three months to pass before my next post. If I do indeed get mentioned in the article, I will do my best to post a link here for whomever might be interested.

~K

UPDATE: Here is the article! I am mentioned about 3/4 of the way down. It isn't a lot, but it is something, so I will gladly take it!!!!

In adoption news...we are "matchable"!

Back when I was on The.Bump, a chat site that helped me get through some of my hardest years trying to conceive, I remember hearing about girls who were "matchable". As adoption was not something on my radar then, I truly did not understand what that meant, nor could I truly understand the girls' excitement. But now that John and I are "matchable", I get it.

About a month ago John and I finished our adoption profile book. It took many hours of hard work and editing, but we are really happy with how it turned out. I feel the book is honest and is hopefully something a birth mother and/or father can relate with. Only time will tell. Shortly after the profile book was printed I drove seven copies of the book down to our lawyer for him to start showing to birth parents. We will never know when our book is being looked at. While nerve wracking enough as that is, I am actually very glad I will not know it is being reviewed. I think that would be even harder.

On Friday (12/2/11) we had our home study. Jenny, from the county probate court, came to our house and spent 1 1/2 hours with us. John and I did not know what to expect, but she was very easy to talk to. We thought she would want to sit at the dinette table to quiz us and take notes, but rather offered we sit in the family room on the couch and just talk. John and I talked about our families, how we met, our work, and our wanting to start our family. Jenny played with Cider, Felix, and Bailey, all of whom made an appearance to welcome her in to our home. After talking for over an hour we gave her a tour of the house. It was funny how she commented on our color choices, the size of our rooms, etc., not on how many outlets still need to be child-proofed or what our fire evacuation route will be (do not worry, though, our fire evacuation is drawn up and on the side of our refrigerator, just in case). I am glad we liked her so much as she will be with us from now until our adoption is finalized, and will be the person to conduct future home studies once a child is placed in to our arms!

On Tuesday (12/6/11) we will head to court. For some reason, in our county, those who are ready to be placed need a pre-placement court hearing. I was unsure of what this meant, and Jenny told us that basically it is standing before the judge to have him "give us his blessing to adopt". So basically I have been psyching myself out over this home study and court date for nothing.

And now we wait. I try to tell everyone I know about us being "matchable". I hate knowing that I am bugging people, but the more who know, the better our chances of being matched within a year, as oppose to waiting two or three years. So if you are someone who has received an e-mail from me, joined our FB fan page, or has read/commented/liked my constant FB updates, I thank you. I certainly hope you do not tire of hearing from me, because we are just getting started!

Welp, another big step has been made

Today I hand delivered our signed adoption papers to the lawyer. I cannot believe it took us almost four months to complete (not entirely my fault, mind you...), but it is done. Our profile book is still in the works, but I hope to have that done here within the next week or two.

John and I went for our BCI/FBI fingerprinting and background checks last Monday. When dropping the papers off today our lawyer's admin told me they already received our results from that. And now they have all of our papers. :)

So what is next? Our paperwork will be submitted to the courts in our county for "Application for Appointment of Investigator" (aka: we will be assigned a social/case worker). We will then speak with him/her and set up our home study. Following that the case worker will submit his/her paperwork and John and I will then have to stand in front of a judge to become pre-approved as prospective adoptive parents.

Here's hoping that time flies now! I'd love for us to be "matchable" before the holidays start!!!

The one word that is clearly NOT in my vocabulary

I hate the fact that I have come here to b*!#@ about my job, when I'm lucky I have one in the first place, but I have to get things off my chest. And it pretty much all comes down to one thing:

I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO SAY NO.

There, I said it. One of my two biggest weaknesses (besides my weight, which is another stressor for another day's blog entry) is my inability to tell people no. I have always had a problem telling people no, whether it is a friend in need or a co-worker in need. I am THAT PERSON that when approached, no matter how big or small the project, I always say "Okay" and then kick myself later for opening my big, fat mouth. I always think about others first if it means someone else's happiness or sanity or whatever, which means my happiness, sanity, and whatever is clearly unimportant to me.

Well, my big, fat mouth has done it again. Without getting too much into things, in the spring I agreed to take on a 6th class this year ("normal" is five teaching periods) thinking that with lay-offs and budget cuts many in the department would be taking on a 6th class. After today, I remain the only schumck who is teaching six English classes. I had the perfect opportunity to put my foot down today and stick up for myself by getting rid of one of my classes and going down to only five classes, but as another co-worker was upset about a proposed schedule change, I said I'd keep the 6th class. So to make another co-worker's life a little easier, I have shot myself in the foot. I will now have four classes of freshman (100 students) and two classes of sophomores (35 students) while certain co-workers have MUCH smaller classes (that too is another blog post for another day) and all of my English co-workers have one less class than I.

So after calling my co-worker then calling the department chair to say I'd keep the class, the severity of what I had just done hit me like a ton of bricks. I then proceeded to have a MAJOR meltdown while on the way to meet other co-workers. (Thank you Colleen for listening to my blubbering on the phone! You are the best sister in the whole wide world!!!!!) When will I learn my lesson? And when will my co-workers and employer stop stepping all over me? I guess the only way to find out is to stick up for myself and just say no.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

Check back in a few months to see if I have truly mastered the Art of Saying No.