Can I have a Do-Over this week?

This week has been the week from HELL. I have spent three long evenings at school this week, making my school days near 12 hour days. I am tired, I am grumpy, I am stressed.

I like my new classes, I really do. But I'm overwhelmed. I feel like I am teaching for the first time, and it sucks. My students are good, and the class sizes aren't too horrible, but I still don't feel comfortable. You should see my desk after teaching four class periods in a row (Pop Lit, English 10, Senior Comp, Pop Lit)...it seriously looks like a bomb was destroyed on top of it. The fact that I can find things still amazes me. I hate being disorganized, but when doing three preps within four periods, I have no time to breathe. Plus it doesn't help that speech and debate is in full swing this week. Students haven't been practicing, but since Lyle basically put the fear of God into the kids, I have been swamped. I have no time to plan, organize, grade, run copies, etc. because I have students who need to practice in my room on my off periods.

Where I am going with this? I have been treating my body horribly. All of my muscles are tense, my eyes hurt, my heart is pounding away. Someone PLEASE give me a good, swift kick in the butt to get into the gym. I put a call in to my "trainer" tonight, hoping that she'll refer me to someone so I can start using my four training sessions. At least that way I will have a reason to go, and hopefully the urge to workout won't be squashed by work and life.

Please be supportive and kick my butt the next time you see me, and yell at me to get to the gym! ;-)

A small loss, but I'll gladly take it

Well, considering I had quite a weekend in Cleveland, with food and drinking adult beverages, then a CRAZY, CRAPPY week at work, I am actually happy with what I lost.

I lost 1.2 pounds. Not the 5.0 I lost last week, but it is still a loss and my numbers on the scale are going in the right direction - - - DOWN!

I went to my first "training" session yesterday at the gym. Quite honestly, it was a letdown! I met with a really nice trainer, who spent 1 1/4 hours talking to me about my goals, measuring all of my fat, finding out how fit I'm not, etc. After I got to know her and her goals for me, she then proceeded to tell me that she didn't have time to work with me, and wanted to recommend two other trainers at another gym about three miles down the road. UGH! Despite the little setback, I will meet with one of those trainers next week and start using my free training sessions.

I have a speech and debate tournament this weekend (Friday night through Saturday night), but otherwise, I am hoping that this next week is easier. I'm hoping my stress level goes down and that I can take some time for myself. Until then, I promise that if I bite it, I will write it!

Having a down week...

Well, I knew it would hit sometime. I just feel...blah...this week. John and I had yet another non-restful weekend in Cleveland. Don't get me wrong, I love being with his family, but we are always on the go and we never seem to get to bed at a normal hour. Then we drove back to Columbus so that I could start my new classes today. Then today became the day from hell - not because of my overloaded new classes, or my immature sophomore classes, but rather an issue going on with a book publisher and a pilot program I am supposed to be running. I am stressed, and tired, and grumpy. So there.

Because I am all of the above (stressed, tired, grumpy, yadda, yadda), I feel like this has been a HORRIBLE food week for me. I am trying my best to eat my vegetables and fruit and drink my water, but I am not enjoying it. Tonight I should have made a salad with our chicken breast and whole wheat pasta, but I didn't. I don't know why, but I was lazy. I just hope that Thursday bring a loss of any number, although I know if I do lose then it will be a small amount.

Good thing is that I did go back to yoga today and I do meet with the trainer tomorrow. So for that, I am happy. Maybe a swift kick in my butt tomorrow will do me some real good.

Yep, I'm a LOSER! :-)

Weight watchers was great tonight. Of course, I say that because I am a LOSER! I lost 5.0 pounds! I am really happy. REALLY happy. I knew I had eaten right all week and knew I was losing, and I was pleased to see a loss of five.

Where do I go from here to make sure I am successful next week? That is easy...I have three goals to accomplish for myself by my next weigh in.

• First, I need to write things down every time food is put into my mouth. I did treat myself to a new three month journal to write down what is going into my mouth. I just find that I have the most problem with calculating points for my dinners. It is cumbersome, confusing, but something I will overcome. I figure by writing it down and figuring out the points the first time, if I make the meal again, the points will be figured out and things will be good.
• Second, I need to work-out. As much as I'd love to live in a bubble and think that I don't need to work out, I know that I do. I am going to go to yoga Tuesday and work-out with my trainer on Wednesday. That will be a great start. I will also get on the treadmill which is presently collecting dust as well.
• Third, I need to drink water. I'm not much of drinker of anything during the daytime, and I need to drink water. It is that simple. I just have to be prepared to PEE!!! :-)

Of course, I want to keep these goals up throughout, but as Liz talked about at tonight's meeting, we need to make goals, and those are my three goals for the week.

Lastly, I am starting Provera tonight to bring on AF. When I don't want her, she appears early, and when I want her, I can't get her to start. Hopefully this will kick my ovaries and uterus into gear, and that too will make me happier and healthier.

Thanks again for everyone's support! So far, so good!!!

Made the call...

Yep, my first training session, in the gym, is scheduled. Whew. I am glad THAT is over! I decided that since I AM going to get good news at the scale tomorrow that I need to get my butt into the gym, and I'm doing just that. I will get to meet Megan next Wednesday (1/23) at 4 PM for a one hour session. I'm sure she is going to kick my butt. I certainly hope she kicks my butt. I am anxious for more than treadmill workouts, and I hope she provides me with great cardio and strength exercises I can continue to do after my sessions with her are through.

On another note, I went to the acupuncturist today. (I went with the hope that my fabulous acupuncturist will bring on my period - which is terribly late - 44 days tomorrow since my last cycle!) Today is the last day I will go by myself, as John has agreed to go every few weeks with me. I think it will be a nice "bonding" time for us. After all the needles which have been placed into my belly, arm, and butt these past eight months, it is about time he gets some needles put into him. :-) He is a trooper, and after we've read from numerous sources of the benefits of acu and sperm counts/sperm motility, we have decided to try anything to get us pregnant while on our break.

So, tomorrow is the big day, and I am actually excited to see the number on the scale. I'm sure that will change after a few weeks, but I am really excited to see the lower number tomorrow...

48 Hours Until First "Official" Weigh-In

I say 48 hours to first "official" weigh-in because I have been weighing myself each morning. If my scale is anything like the one at the meeting on Thursday, I should be down a few pounds, which I'd be thrilled with. Last week was just so scary on the scale that any loss will be greatly celebrated!

I've been eating pretty well this week. It was almost fun to shop for food this past weekend. I treated myself to some great low fat treats and lots of fruit. I LOVE the grapefruit that I've gotten at the store lately, so that has become my treat at lunch time. With it being finals week, our schedule is completely messy at school, but I have totally resisted the urge to stop at Starbucks for a Non-Fat Peppermint Hot Chocolate (without the whipped cream). I'm enjoying my oatmeal and my sugar free French Vanilla Cafe each morning. In fact, I really have no desire to stop at Starbucks, which is fine with me. And usually at lunch time, in the past, we'd go out. But I've stayed in to eat my SmartOne's lunch and grapefruit.

As for working out, now that is ANOTHER story. Not to make excuses, but I'm tired. Really tired. I haven't been sleeping well. John and I are talking about buying a house, which means the stress of putting the condo on the market. Additionally, I'm stressed out about taking on Senior Composition again. So when I lay my head down on the pillow, I usually can't fall asleep until near 1 AM. I am trying to get to bed earlier, which will get me rested. I do intend on calling the gym tomorrow to set up my first training appointment for sometime next week. John got me four training sessions for Christmas with a female trainer at the gym. I hope she is better than my last trainer, and I certainly hope she can help me get into working out again, because quite frankly, I'm dreading going back...

Well, I promise to post after my weigh-in on Thursday. Lori and I are going to the meeting, then out for a little dinner, then to a meeting at the Senior Citizen's Center in Gahanna, where the Parks and Recreation Department is holding a meeting about establishing a walking and running club in Gahanna. I am DEFINITELY interested. After all, I would diet for that...

My first WW meeting

I want this day to be written down somewhere. Because today is the last time I will step on a scale and see the number I saw tonight at Weight Watchers. If there hadn't been other people in the room, I think I would have curled up into a ball and started to cry. However, I swallowed what little pride had left and joined Lori in the meeting room. As Liz, the WW leader, spoke, I started to get more excited about doing the program again.

Before I went in tonight, while waiting for Lori, I pulled out my old weight book. When someone joins WW, they get a book which tracks their weight each week, whether good or bad. I started that book in September and stopped going in mid-November. Now while I realize that is when I was going through my FET cycle, I really am disappointed that I stopped in mid-November.

But no longer. As I've heard in Weight Watcher's advertisements, which seem to be flooding both on radio and TV, today (Thursday, January 10, 2008) is the day I have "Stopped dieting and started living". What is going to make THIS time work is that I realize WW is not a diet...it is a way of life that I am ready to live.

So goodbye weight that I never want to see or know ever again. Hello to my new way of thinking and living...

Why I chose the blog name "I Would DIET for That"...

Well, if you are not deeply rooted in the world of infertility, you probably have not had the opportunity to listen to a song by Kellie Coffey called "I Would Die For That". It has become the unofficial theme song for those going through infertility. I decided to use that song as an inspiration for my weight loss. When I think about wanting to be healthy, I WILL diet for that. I think about the day I can put on pants that are a size less than what I am wearing now...I WILL diet for that. I think about the day when John can put his arms around me and hold me closer because I've lost weight...I WILL diet for that. I think about trying to get pregnant and not having the cloud of being overweight over my head...I WILL diet for that.

I invite you to listen to the song that summarizes my desires to be a mother. The song can be heard in a music video which is on You Tube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Today was a decent day, despite last nights' Buckeye loss to LSU. While I haven't hit the gym just yet this week, I did start today to write down what I've eaten. I've contemplated putting my journal online, but that is something I won't bore others with. Having my food intake on paper has helped me in the past to watch what I am eating, so I will be sure to have my journal nearby any time I put food to my mouth (as my former WW leader would say..."If you bite it, write it"). Come to think of it, I might actually get a new journal at WW this Thursday to start the new year and the road to a new me. We'll see.

The response to my blog has been more than I anticipated. My good friend Lori sent me a message this morning to let me know that she wants to go to WW with me. Everyone who has read my blog thus far has left really nice comments, and even those who have read my blog but haven't left comments have e-mailed me. Thank you for your support. I know that I can do it, but I also know that I am going to need your help each and every step of the way.

I've entered the world of blogging...

And John thought I spent too much time on the computer before? Oye Vey!

I am starting this blog because my sister has inspired me. We just got off the phone a few minutes ago, and she has me in tears. Good tears. She just gave me the proverbial "I have faith in you" speech, and it is about time that I take her faith in me and run with it.

I am tired of who I am. Not that I don't think I am a good person, but I am tired of how I look and of how I treat my body. It is time for a change. I am tired of being overweight. I am tired of being infertile. I am tired of looking into my large bathroom mirror and seeing nothing but blah. Sure there are great things I do see in the mirror ~ for example, I love my eyes when I'm wearing blue eyeshadow and mascara, I love my lips when they are lined perfectly and the right lipstick is applied, and I love my hair color. But when I look below the neck, it is a different story.

So it is just one week into 2008. I resolve to eat better, work out, attend Weight Watchers' meetings weekly, take care of my body, and get pregnant! If the aforementioned items can happen, then I will be a happy person, both inside and out.