Cut the Shit

Which of Kelly Osbourne's hairstyles are you?
by Razorstar

So Penelope reads this guys blog that's called "646 Guy/NYC Tales" or some shit. She thinks he is awesome and she must be right, cuz yesterday and this morning, I have been checking out some other blogs and he is linked everywhere! He is like blogger queen, I think. I say queen...cuz well, he's a queen!
Maybe I should link to him to? Since I am a queen.
maybe not.

YAY! One more day closer to my vacation with Paul! Only 4 days of anticipitory waiting left. It's killing me! Every morning I wake up and I go...one more day down. My stomach jumps with excitement at the very thought of it all.
After much debating in my head, I decided that we will in fact NOT be bringing any pot with us to Florida. The risk is too high and after asking everyone I know, about a thousand times, I just figured, it really isn't worth it. Besides, a drug free week could do Paul and I some good. (And maybe I won't eat my face off)
Last night I began getting my shit together. Wow. What a process. It's fun though, and I am excited to get home tonight to continue working on my bihness.
Yeah...that's what I said...bihness.
K...bored now...on to something more enjoyable...

Which pop culture icon are YOU? | made by kt @ gFs.co.uk.

just realized that Rita may think she is the whore, cuz I am going home to see her.
but understand rita that you are not a whore. You are a lady.
I just needed a word to rhyme with "bore" and "snore".
And "door" and "ROAR" wouldn't work.
:-D

DONE!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....counting the minutes until the day is done.

but it was honest, so I guess that is all that really matters.

that wasnt a very nice poem.

Fucking Snore-
My jobs' a bore.
But now it's time
to end this rhyme
by going home
to fuck a whore.

Fucking ugh. Back at work and it's that most dreaded day of the week. I HATE it.
Even with vacation looming around the corner, work just totally blows. Fortunately, my boss will not be here today and that makes me VERY happy. I can play all day and hopefully not be bothered. Hopefully, but that is a lot to ask when I know that ugly debbles will be back today.
Rita and Kelly have officially returned from their vacations. Kelly pulled in around 6pm on Saturday and Rita's flight landed around 11am Sunday. It was so great to have them home. Kelly is fully tan and Rita is fully pale, but such is life. ;)
Kelly's vacation was pretty introspective and I feel that she returned with alot more baggage than from when she left. And she only brought one suitcase! I know it wasn't a bad vacation for her...but I'm not so sure if it helped her to understand any of what she is going through any better. It's tough being right out of college and realizing that you are a grown lady doing it on your own. It took us all a long time to adjust. But it will happen. :-D
Rita seemed fully rejuvinated and alive. I think the Germany trip did her some good. I know that she had a wonderful time with her family and a serene and beautiful time in Scotland. She seems refreshed and ready to re-tackle those obstacles she's got goin in this big city. Her pictures were beautiful, she brought home some great tasting candy and honey, and she just seems happy. In turn, this makes me very happy. Now she sleeps for days trying to get herself back on East Coast time.
We all went to lunch yesterday, then Kelly went off to Yoga while Rita and I watched Moulin Rouge. After that, Kelly came home and Rita and I settled in for about a 3 hour nap, waking up just in time to see Sex and the City, and then back to bed. We were so tired. I don't know why I was!! It's not like I was in Germany playing around all week. :)
Now it is my turn. Paul and I leave Saturday morning for Florida. It can't come fast enough. I am about at the point of explosion!
I am nervous, excited, stressed, and ready to tackle this vacation, but unfortunately, I have got a SHIT load of things to do and only 4 days to do it. It may seem like there couldn't be that much, but I started making my "To-Do" list today and I am already to number 13. (big sigh) Also, Kelly wants to go to dinner tonight or tomorrow and I would love to go to, but I just have so much to do. If I could work on getting this shit accomplished and go to dinner at the end of the week, then I wouldn't feel so stressed. You know me...I get crazy about things for no reason. I just need to sit back, take some deep breaths, and understand that this is all going to work out fine.
As long as I don't die is a plane crash.
Cuz that scares the living wits out of me.
All right...guess I should get started on some annoying, bullshit work now.
Wish this day was over already.
Or that it was at least 5pm.
:)

Wow. It is VERY late on Friday night. As I look at the clock, it is about to turn to 2am. What a night.
Well, not really WHAT a night. I spent it alone in my apartment. Quite the popular shit I am strutting my stuff on a Friday night.
:(
But on the lighter side of things...
I have done big things.
The house is totally different. I have done big things.
I can't give anything away, just in case peeking eyes read this...but I had to at least write for my own sanity. I may have crossed the line with some of my little "projects" I was working on. But lets be honest...if you can't take a risk while redecorating...why redecorate at all?
Right now I am listening to NYSYNC CELEBRITY. It is pretty good.
:-D
BTW...when I said earlier how beautiful and wonderful the weather was today...I was full of fucking SHIT!
Cuz really...by the time I got home from 15 mile walk from the subway...my clothes were drenched with smelly, booze from last night, sweat. Now that was some sick shit.
It was a mugfest, I tell ya.
Then...around 6:30 or 7pm, the biggest thunder storm of my existence blew through our area. It was fucking phenomenal. So phenomenal, in fact, that my stoned ass started getting super paranoid.
WERE THOSE BOMBS IN THE AIR??? NOW THAT WAS TOO LOUD FOR JUST A CLAP OF THUNDER. WHY DO I HAVE TO DIE ALONE!?!?!?!
But it was all good. I, and you are never going to believe this, thought about calling Cleo, aka Leora. I know she is afraid of this shit and if I was getting nervous, hells if she wasn't hiding under her bed. Of course, Manny close by.
I just felt bad.
But I didn't call.
Pretty tired on this end...and I feel like shit.
Long night, but extremely productive.
Paul is at his cousin's wedding. Ashley.
I am not allowed to go because I am gay.
(BTW...Paul got his job back. Will tell you why later...)
Paul brought Mariah as his date. He is acting as the "Maid of Honor", but really..."Best Man of Honor". This cousin has grown up with him and is like his old best friend. She knows all about my relationship with Paul and has met me on multiple occassions. I have known about this wedding since the day after she was proposed to. I met her before she was even engaged. Not being at this wedding sucks. Not that she is that close to me or anything...but that it is something that Paul and I should be sharing.
However, that is impossible.
Today, I came into work to find an email from my dad. It, actually, was an email to Paul that he wanted me to forward on.
It was all about Paul losing his job and how my parents love and respect him, regardless of the bullshit. How they prayed for him and are so glad to find out that he has his job back. The email goes on to say how excited they are for he and I and our vacation. That we are always welcome at my house in Albany.
It was pure love.
I did forward the email, but am unsure as of this point as to whether or not Paul has received it. (He had the wedding rehearsal today)
My family (whom I respect beyond belief for all of this) fully accepts me, as well as Paul, and wants nothing, but a happy life for both of us. They are there. They get it now. They really do. They have come to the point where their love has fully exceeded their inner desires for my life. I have arrived. My family is in on the whole thing and WOW.
I never thought I would be in the position to say that. NEVER.
But I am saying it.
My parents are cool with me being gay.
Not just cool.
Supportive.
Shit...now that is why I love these people.
But Paul's family....no such luck.
It sucks that I can't be there with him for this. I know he wants me there. He has been calling over and over. But there are lines you don't cross with his family.
I feel horrible for him. The only reason why I am really no pressure on him to "come out" to his inner circle is because I was there, and I know how scary it is. I was lucky. Paul won't be so lucky.
Right Wing. Republican. Central Massachusettes. His parents' background and current attitude don't allow for any luck involved.
It's purely God. Paul has to take the plunge at some point. But when he's ready.
And maybe...hopefully someday...when his faith in God is much stronger.
Two gay guys, who are both born again...raised baptist, Christians, surviving a two and a half year relationship with eachother means something.
It is all God driven for me.
I remember the night I was laying in my bed. It was Mid-December of 1999. I was begging, pleading with God for someone for me to fall in love with, someone to have a real relationship with.
I began dating Paul on January 9th, 2000.
And look where we are.
Tell me that doesn't mean something. It was something that changed my life and I know that God sent that for me. I was at the breaking point.
And now Paul is my yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
At least...for a little tomorrow. ;)
Why did I just ramble all of this bullshit, I don't know.
I am overtired.
I guess my subconcious took over and got rid of some shit.
It felt good.
Tonight, I want to give a special shout out to Jeannie Dreama, who NEVER writes in her blog....at least not since like February somethin somethin)
HI JEANNIE! Did you get my postcards??
I know that you read my blogger, cuz on the quiz, there is only one answer that is logical and safe.
That being "Don't do it. There are dogs everywhere..."
One day I checked the stats and I saw that that answer was answered and I thought to myself...who would put that answer???
Hmmmm......
JEANNIE DREAMA!
:-D
But I also agree with you. I talked to my mom on the phone today and asked her if I should bring anything.
(I actually did ask her)
She was like "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...."
So I expect that you and my mom would say the same thing...
LOL
JUXT KIDDIN!
But you are right. It's risky.
I will let you know what I end up doing. Understand that if the poll says that "french fries" are what to do...that is what I will do.
Okay everyone.
(everyone...like I have an everyone)
I just want to say one more time how MUCH I miss my ladies!
They have been gone so long. I have spent two weekends and a whole week in this house alone.
Come home soon. If not..."little projects" will consume the place.
You are both so wonderful. No matter what we deal with or how crazy we all get....
This house is so much more warm and full with all of us in it.
I love our love.
come home now, k?

Well the week is officially over. By the time I come back to work on Monday, both of my girls will have returned from their adventures. That is kind of exciting. :-D
Gotta clean the house today. Oh BOY do I gotta clean the house today. I happened to walk by the garbage can this morning and I almost RALPHED right on the floor. It stinks dude! hee hee hee.
I have been living in my own filth for a week and it has felt gooooood.
In fact, we have had like no hot water this week either, which is fucking irritating, and it has caused me to have to skip showering in the morning TWICE this week. Each time it happens, I slam on the bathroom wall repeatedly and in a brutish manner. I want everyone in the house to know that I am PIST!
Trey is ready for his mother to come home. I do adore the living wits out of him and we have definitely had some incredible moments together this week...but I am ready to go back to ignoring him again. That bitch is alot of work. And I feel so badly if I don't take the time to play with him and love him whenever he so decides.
My dad sent me a beautiful email today that was actually to Paul. He wanted me to forward it to him. It was all about how he lost his job and how he and my mom are praying for his success and blah blah beautiful blah.
It was incredibly sweet and I passed it along to him this morning.
:)
Gotta leave work early today to drop off two envelopes on campus. Ugh. I would actually rather sit right here until 2pm and play around. But instead...outside into the summer weather.
Today is actually a perfect day. Bright sunshine, no humidity, and just clear and crisp weather. It feels real nice.
Get out and enjoy it.
K all. Will prolly write some more this weekend.
PEAYCE.

So of course I am ripping apart the resource room with Cleo when Kelly IM's me, I am assuming from North Carolina. When I got back to my desk, I was PIST! This is officially two conversations that the cursed resource room has ruined for me today.
Earlier, Rita called from Germany and I wasn't even allowed to say more than five words because I had resource room guru, Cleo, breathing down my neck. UGH!
Furious at that.
I miss my ladies and it sucks that the time they call...I am impossible to reach.
:(
Ah well. Nothing that can't be cured by going home and getting drunk all by myself.
Man...they best come home now, cuz I am going down the tubes real fast.
heh heh.
Not really.
As of Tuesday night, I started to get more used to being alone in the apartment. I go home, do little projects for the first couple of hours, then I excercise for about 7 minutes, then I make a nice dinner at around 9:00pm and then I am in bed by 10:30pm. I leave the door open when I sleep and I walk around completely nude. I jerk off with my door open and I REFUSE...absolutely REFUSE to pick anything up off of the floor.
If Kelly and Rita could see the house the way it is right this minute...they would be horrified. The kitchen and living room are fine. But the bathroom and my bedroom have been completely destroyed. And let me also say...the kitchen and the living room are in no way fine. I lie.
But it will all be clean and beautiful by the time they come home on Sunday.
Tonight and tomorrow are my days to redo the place. Is it pathetically wrong that I am excited to clean up the joint?
Cuz that's what I want to do. I want to get high and ransack the piece.
mmmmm....piece.
Ah well.
I guess that's it today. Not too much to say.
OH! One more thing.
Rita, we got this inter-office memo from Jim. It is a record of all the long distance calls that we have made from our extension. We are to pay for each one of these calls.
I kind of panicked, cuz even though I don't really call long distance...I have. I was sure my bill was going to be like $25. In actuality it was like $1.65. PHEW. Penelope's was $.24. hahahaha.
I am sure yours is like: "$.008.
Jim told me that anything under $5 was free. Which I think is pretty generous. I mean...are we really ALLOWED to make long distance calls at work? I dinna think so.
But now that I know we get 5 bucks free...hells if I am not going to be using that money each month. ;)
WINKLES!
YIPES!
Latas!

Hey KELLY!
Look what I am!




you're high art. you're about lesbians and heroin and take place in new york. how trendy.

take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the slinkstercool community.

Okay. Enough is enough.
The weather in NYC at 8am this morning was 84 degrees. It is supposed to get up to 94 or so by noon with the heat index making it feel like 105! Are we fucking serious??? The subway was a BEAST this morning and I am still moving as though I am wading through tar. It's so hot outside that there is no way I can go to the park to lay out this afternoon. It's that bad. Ugh. Supposedly, it is going to storm this afternoon and then it will THEORETICALLY cool down for this weekend. Can it? Can it please?
I don't know if I can do this again tomorrow.
Rita...you picked a PERFECT week to get out of the city. This heat would have killed you by Tuesday.
SO hungry right now. Yesterday at this time, I had the most delightful bagel from UFM. May have to skip on over there in a little bit and pick me up another one. I thought UFM bagels sucked, but I was happily mistaken.
SNARF.
Oh and by the way...MTV is the BEST television station ever. :-D
(that was for Penelope)

Well here it is folks! The much anticipated REAL WORLD REUNION recap entry. I know you have all been chomping at the bits for it and I feel compelled to immediately sit down and give it.
;)
What am I? Writer extrodinairre?
yes.
I want to first begin with a more descriptive explanation of the preview to last night’s episode. I didn’t explain it well yesterday and when I saw it again last night, I immediately wrote it down so that I could tell those who haven’t seen it what it REALLY was all about. It was that fucking funny.
So whatever...it’s just a normal preview for any real world episode. But as it goes along, the following dialogue is heard:
Kera in the preview: “Did I REALLY say ‘land the deal’?”
Computerized ladies voice (you know the voice---the COMPUTER lady): “Yes you DID Kera!” (said VERY angrily - swear to God.)
Immediately FLASH to a past episode in which Kera says: “Get my *bleep*’n name right Tonya.”
Computerized ladies voice: “OOPS! My bad.”
---end scene---
Now, of course it is so much funnier when you see it live, but let me tell you...even while writing it, I am dying laughing. I know a couple of you have seen it and am I right or not? Computerized ladies don’t say such things as “Oops, my bad” or make accusatory tones such as “Yes you DID Kera!”.
Fucking hysterical.
Now on to the goods:
********Do understand that once you read this I will have ruined the episode for you if you haven’t seen it. But also understand that last night, because I am a lonely, pathetic loser, I took notes on the episode to catch ya’ll up. Well really only for Kelly and Rita. Penelope saw it thank God. Cuz really??!!! (I will tape the episode this weekend to show you the goods)
Here we go...

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Chris - “I am living in NYC and modeling still. I have learned alot and...” zzzzzzzz, I fall asleep at this point.

Theo - “I have started a production company called (can’t read the notes I took, cuz I was writing so fast) with my brothers. We have a couple things lined up and it’s going well.”

Aneesa - “I am a cocktail waitress and just so every knows...my mom and I are doing GREAT! We love eachother and..." blah blah blah... --- was trying too hard to convince us that her mom is not a psycho anymore.

Kyle - “Well, after the show I decided to go into acting. I had done theater in college along with weightlifting, football, and other super masculine stuff.” (Fucking he said that! FUCKING HE SAID THAT!) I was offered a role on ‘Passions’, but I turned it down, cuz it’s not exactly Macbeth. I mean really...PASSIONS???” (looks for audience laughter)
ARGH! I HATE THIS LOSER!

Kera - “Well, I as well went into acting, but I haven’t had as much luck as Kyle.”
(Kyle jumps in with “Kera...PASSIONS????” (looks for audiences laughter)
“I am now living at home and getting my life together.” SNORE and HAHAHA. You’ll never be an actress Kera. You did the REAL WORLD!

Keri - (as adorable as ever)(actually...she looked fucking HOT) “Well, I moved back to New Orleans and I am currently engaged to the love of my life. He is someone from my past and when I got back home it just clicked. It happened and I am so happy and ready for the future.” (Kyle scowls during this) YOU DIDN’T KERI! YOU DIDN’T!
you did. and I love you for it.

Tonya - “Well, and you are never going to believe this, but I am no longer with Justin. I saw the show and realized that there was a lot I wanted to change about myself and Justin wasn’t allowing me to change. He was keeping me where I was. I am doing well and figuring it all out.” You STUPID STUPID bitch. All you had going for you was the fact that you had found the love of your life. Now you are orphenage alone again, but this time with no one. Stupid I tell ya.
Eh...she always has that infamous “Darren”.

So there it is...
That’s where they are now. But let me tell you...if even for a second you thought that this was going to be the most shocking part of the show...you would be wrong. I am only going to tell you about a few of the big points, but understand that these seven people sat on a stage with a live audience and discussed problems that were still so fresh in everyone’s minds. They saw the show when WE, the people, saw the show. They found out shit as we found out. And everyone’s pissed!

Everyone gets a chance to say their piece:

“What do you want the audience to know that is different about you then what the world saw on the show?”

Annesa - “I didn’t like the way I handled Veronica and..." boring McBorings

Chris - fucking snoresville. Are we serious? The kid opens his mouth and I feel like I am on some intense sleeping pills. He goes on for some time about how he is so proud be sober. Damn.
Fuck you for being so boring. Actually...at one point...out of NOWHERE...Kyle says to Chris...and the world...that “Chris...what do you know? Half the time I watched you I thought that you were so spacey and out there. Hello Chris! HELLOOOO...”(waits for audience laughter)
Important tidbit to know. Yet another example of Kyle, the show off, generic, instigating, immature, gossipy, gayest straight man I ever saw, backstabbing, idiot, spouting off about things that don’t REALLY need to be said.

These people are so fucking rude to eachother and I die with laughter.
Man they suck.

Theo - “I stayed out of all personal problems until I was invited in. I don’t go around sticking my nose into things that don’t belong me. There were a couple issues that I partook in, but I was included and was supposed to be there. If I am asked about a problem, I give my opinion. Other than that...nope.” Good boy. And yes...that is the truth.

Tonya - “I was honest about everything and everyone got to see what I was going through. People saw me cry and that was hard for me. And it wasn’t all bad. I wasn’t sick the whole time. Especially during the Halloween show.”
Kera jumps in with “Well Tonya, just so you know...you were DEFINITELY a reason as to why we couldn’t do Bloody Mary.”
(Back to this Bloody Mary bullshit)
Tonya - “No I wasn’t Kera. You know this.”
(Kera did in fact say, during that episode, that Tonya being at the hospital (the morning of the performance) was in no way a factor in the decision to cancel Bloody Mary. She goes on to say very vehemently that “There were 9 reasons why I said we should cancel and you being sick was not one of them!”)
Now she comes forward with this bullshit. What a liar/pretender. yeah. thats what she is.
A LIARPRETENDER.
Tonya huffs and puffs and they argue for a bit with it ending on Kera’s statement of:
“Well Tonya...I think it (this show) was a very CLEAR representation of you. It was completely true.”
Tonya - “I know Kera, it was.”
Kera - “No Tonya. It is.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I definitely pieced together a few conversations between the two during that episode, but it all boils down to the same thing. Plus...these two psychos act like best friends one minute...because they “shared a room”...fuck you both...that was never made a real point. You never did shit together...and or course the next minute they are down eachothers throats.
whoa.
yeah.

Now I interject because in order to discuss the one thing they would change about themselves, I have to divulge what happened during the episode with Keri and Kyle.
Here you go folks. Breathe deep.

Scenes are shown, over and over to the point of sickness, of Keri and Kyle’s relationship. From hook-ups to conversations to hanging out to going to bars...it’s all there.
While the clips are being shown...Kyle sits there smug and Keri is mouthing the words:
“Bullshit. BULLSHIT. Bullshit. All of it’s fucking bullshit.”
Keri is ready to explode and here she goes:

Keri - “ I was SHOCKED (as we all were) to see what Kyle and Kera did and said behind my back. Kera...you trashed me. You said horrible things about me and Kyle...that whole confessional thing...what the hell was that??? You treated me horribly and the show proved that to me. When I saw the episodes, I couldn’t believe what you were saying behind my back. (I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I do know that she goes on and on, in a very classy way, about how ridiculous and asinine she thinks that Kyle and Kera are)
When asked to sum up herself, Kyle, and Kera, ----didja get all that? The names are similar. Here you go...concentrate now...”When asked to sum up....herself...Kyle...and Kera...(after rereading that...I found that line to be a little difficult to understand. But at this point I am drunk)
Keri gives the quote of the evening:
“What I think about the three of us....hmmm......(pause)......two have very similar personalities, the other is VERY different.”
Meaning---Kyle and Kera are BOTH manipulative bitches and Keri is our beautiful, sweet little angel.
And that is correct.
As we all know...Keri was had. She was fooled into believing that both of these people were her friends. But at the end...they attempted to ruin her on camera. And boy weren’t they surprised when quiet, little Keri opened her mouth and this brutal honesty was spewed forth.
Please also understand that Kyle basically shut his mouth the whole time, looking totally embarrassed and sometimes smug. Cause ALWAYS smug. Smug bitch.
While the clips of her and Kyle’s romance were being shown, Keri either:
a) burst out laughing
b) called it “bullshit”...accusatory bullshit at Kyle
c) rolled her eyes

When asked this one question...which I can’t for the life of me remember, Kyle says:
“Well I really liked her and shum shum...we had such a personal connection in the beginning. Especially when we both worked at the life guard station. Right Keri...didn’t you think that?”
Keri - “What? Oh... whatever Kyle. I don’t care anymore.”
Kyle sits stunned.
And fucking good!

That is basically it, but OF COURSE you must see the actual episode to see how severe it all really was.

Now one last thing...two specific items shocked me during the episodes and both fall under the category of “Things We Didn’t See”.

1) September 11th. The actual episode doesn’t do it the justice that the Reunion show does.
Brian McFayden, the host, actually chokes up while discussing it. The only reason that this part didn’t FULLY make choke me up is because he was the RUDEST MTV host ever. He definitely called Kera a “slut” about 3 times. Which...I know...she is...but there was a HUGE portion of the show dedicated to that topic. And by the end of it...really...shut up Kera and shut up Brian McFayden.
While recaping the Sept. 11th episode, we are all taken back to that horrible day. I get teary still as I am sure you do too. I notice the following things during the recap of the episode:
Everyone is gathered in a prayer circle saying that age old adage:
“God...Grant me the Serenity to accept that which I cannot change and to shumma shum.”
In the whole group...Kera is the ONLY one who doesn’t know it. She just sits and stares at everyone with that LOOK. You know that look. That look of “I am so understanding and supportive of you”, but also with a hint of “I am the best and smartest”. She doesn’t know the prayer. Is she Jewish? Cuz she might be and then she WOULDN’T know it. I don’t even know it. But how did the entire group know the whole thing verbatim? Did they hand out copies of it? They must have. And Kera didn’t do it. I don’t know. The whole thing was strange and hysterical in my head at the time...but as I write it...it’s just strange. Why did she not know it???
Each member of the group was asked if they wanted to go home right after the attacks. They all gave a resounding “Yes, but of course I wanted to...and I immediately checked plane flights and...”
However...none of them went home. Not even Kyle who basically lives down the street. And remember folks...he was the MOST touched by the whole tragedy. Nicole does live in NYC afterall.
I think...they weren’t allowed to go home. I think the show made them stay.
You think...”They can’t do that...never!”
I think...they did. They wanted the footage of this happening to real people. Unfortunately, they must have all gone to bed that day, cuz the episode was basically snoresville. Well...Kyle looking at the artwork on the wall (model planes half missing in the plaster---it gives the effect of planes crashing into the wall...but not blowing up...just kind of going through the wall.) makes the comment of “How WEIRD is that? Look at that and tell me that that isn’t WEIRD.”
Someone in the room: “Yes Kyle. That is weird.”
Kyle: “NO. But it’s WEIRD.”
lol
oh snores.

And the last thing to know about this Sept. 11th thing is that they were “brought in a TV from the outside. These 7 had no connection to the outside world...but on this day... they brought in a tv.”
Now...I am a moron. I MUST be a moron.
There is NO television in the real world house?
Am I serious???
I have been watching the Real World since it’s debut and have even read a few books on the different casts and I NEVER knew that there was no television in the houses!!!
I never thought about that!
Of COURSE there is no television. With a television, no one has to talk to eachother! It makes PERFECT sense.
But I was shocked by that. No tv for a good 4-5 months. Now that is some heavy shit. These people truly do make a sacrifice when they sign on to do this show.

AND LASTLY...and the MOST IMPORTANT part of the entire show!
There is kind of a montage of scenes of things we didn’t see. I don’t remember much of it, because it prolly was really boring.
BUT...
the thing I do remember is this:
Tonya is fooling around on the computer with a couple of people in the room.
Her picture is posted on the internet, as we see by the camera zooming in.
And what website is it, you ask????
FUCKING, HOT OR NOT!
Tonya, the orphen, has her picture on HOT OR NOT! NO FUCKING WAY!
LOLOlololoLOLolOlOLolOlOlololoOlllOl!
Holy shit. I SCREAMED when I saw it. She says “Justin did it as a joke”.
Joe says: “You did that for real.”
It about made my night. Seeing that made watching the ENTIRE season, over and over in reruns and rarely missing a new episode’s debut, totally worth it.
When you know who Tonya is and you know what she is really about...of COURSE she is on Hot or Not. Of course.
It’s almost as obvious as the house not having a television.

So this is it! This is your recap.

And here is your bottom line:

Never in my life have I seen a reunion show of The Real World in which the people weren’t fully best friends again.
This reunion was so fresh after the show...and they had all only been together once before the taping of this special.
They are all still so angry. Feelings are still hurt and tempers are flared.
I have to admit. It’s my favorite Real World of all time. For me. Everyone has their own favorite and I love them all...so I understand any case based on another season.
But for me...
I watched it each Tuesday and shared it with my friends, around the water cooler, each Wednesday. :)
These people became people I know. They let go and talked about eachother, competed with eachother, and allowed themselves to hate one another.
With the exception of Kyle (as we will never know who he TRULY is---but better off that way), all of these people were REAL. At least real in the situation they were placed in. They acted as though they had no idea that when the episodes were pieced together, all of this shit was going to come out.
Doing this reunion show immediately after the airing of the season finale was not only smart...it was the icing on the cake for the audience.
There were definitely moments when I saw them all sitting on stage and I felt bad. These are real people who, for some reason or another, really believed that this backstabbing wouldn’t come to the foreground. They were caught red handed hurting eachother and it read on their faces. The wounds are still fresh and here we are, the American public, watching and laughing and writing up ridiculous reviews.
We are a sick society.
But on the flip side...the side I prefer...they KNEW going into this that this is what it was going to be. At least in the “THIS IS GOING TO BE ON TELEVISION” respect) You are allowed to be shocked by how much of an ass you really are...but understand that this is the point.
We, the viewers, wouldn’t watch a 7 person group of boring ass people.
And which do you want more?
Viewers or integrity?
The answer is simple.

All in all...in my opinion...and many people would disagree...MTV is the best station on television. They are fresh, fun, mindless, and FIRST in so many new and creative areas. Reality TV comes from MTV. Don’t let “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” or “Big Brother” or even that little show “Survivor” fool you. It all started with MTV. And after all the competition...it all ends with MTV.
They are consistent and they are the best in the business.
Every reality based show they do:
“Diary”
“Making the Video”
“Cribs”
“True Life” (one of my FAVORITES!)
“The Real World”
“Road Rules”
“Tough Enough”
“Wannabe”
“Wanna be a VJ?”
“The Osbournes”
and so many more....these shows may be cheesy at times...but that is the point.
MTV knows what it is good at and it consistently breaks new ground.
I am proud to say I love MTV. I am 25 years old and I would even be on “Undressed”.
Anything to support my favorite station. And to get me a paycheck.
:-D
Rock out and I hope you enjoyed this RIDICULOUSLY long recap entry.
Can Rita and Kelly come home now?
This is getting out of hand.

So in ridiculous news...you know Stella from Fridays in Boston?
Well she is getting $5,000 braces to fix her fangs! UM!
I burst out laughing when Paul tells me and then I go "why?"
Paul very seriously says: "Cuz she is going to be an actress, Joe".
Is it wrong that I laughed even harder and longer at that part?

Why is it that black people don't get the luxury of tanning in the summer?
Similarly, why is it that to be beautiful in the summer, white people make themselves darker?
Shouldn't it work out that white people can get darker in the summer if they work at it and black people should get whiter if they work at that?
That way everyone is happy.

So hahaha whoops!
I went to the park on my lunch break and accidently fell asleep for about 20 minutes. When I woke up I felt disoriented and like I had fallen into a 12ft. pool. I sat up and a pool of sweat was sitting on my bookbag. On my chest sat another puddle of sweat. And when I stood up...my entire ass was soaked through the shorts. (hee hee oops)
I came back and everyone has gotten quite the laugh out of seeing me dry in the front, soaking wet in the ass. I better get some damn color from this experience. It's not much fun sitting in your own wetness.
BLECH.

I ABSOLUTELY HAD TO POST THIS. I never post shit like this, but I did shit myself and laugh obnoxiously out loud at almost every paragraph. Now THIS is funny. Nothing is ever funny. But THIS...now THIS is funny.
And the reason I post this is because it is me. This is how I would write if I ever wrote anything. In my opinion, this is funny. I am taking a risk here folks. Please understand that.


BEES DON'T KILL SMOKERS
Apis Mellifera Countered By Marlboro

I was sitting around the other day. Just standing smoking a cigarette. Not doing anything at all. When out of the blue, BAM! A large man-lady of hippopotamus proportions ambled right in the line of fire of my smoke exhalation. Then the dumb bitch has the audacity to make that phony coughing sound - as if she couldn't be more discreet.

So I grabbed Ms. Load by the arm and insisted, "If killer bees come to attack us, you're gonna' die bitch! But I'll still be puffin the grit you ambiguous colossus!" Okay, no I didn't. But I really wanted to.

Damn, at least let me explain. I was watching the Discovery channel a long time ago. There was this special on beekeepers and how they keep themselves from being stung by two thousand and three pissed-off bees. In the program they enlightened a commonly used tactic to keep the bees serene: smoke. You see, most insects can't breathe in smoke, so naturally, smoke sends them flying away like Anne Heche with a sock full of heterosexuality. But get this: HUMANS CAN BREATHE IN SMOKE! EVEN CIGARETTE SMOKE! AND WE DON'T HAVE TO FLY AWAY!

It's as true as the Marlboro man is. You know who he is, right? That badass cowboy who has nothing better to do than chill out on the ranch and smoke Reds. What a cool cat! He makes me want to put on some rawhide chaps, a nice Stetson hat and some Old Spice deodorant so that I can sit on a wooden fence and watch the cattle graze. And maybe, if I'm a patient enough cowboy, I'll get so see a couple gay steers do the horizontal hobble.

Where seldom is heard a discouraging word...

So word around the campfire is that bees can't breathe in smoke. But it's more than just idle talk - it's true. That's why beekeepers use smoke. Have you learned nothing? The beekeepers also wear protective clothing. Giant welding masks, Kevlar body suits, shell-toed Adidas and Victoria Secret panties for the comfort. They're dealing with deadly insects you know!

Nutso #1: Egad Dwayne! I'm all out of smoke!
Nutso #2: Thank God I have these cigarettes!
Nutso #1: Yay! Cigarettes saved the day!
Thank you Ziff Davis!
Nutso #2: I think you mean Philip Morris.

I could talk about bees and cigarettes all day! Like this one time I went out on my porch to get some fresh air and I ended up sitting on a big fat hairy bumblebee. It stung me right in the ass flesh and it really hurt. My butt was numb and soon after sported a large welt the size of Princess Di's tombstone.

And another time I was catching lightning bugs at night when I accidentally, coincidentally and inadvertently (not to mention unintentionally) snatched a bee. It was a catastrophe. After it ate all the lightning bugs in the jar, it turned on me and stabbed my eyebrow with its ass-skewer (scientific name is 'STINGER'). I looked as though someone had whacked me in the face with a giant bee.

Luckily, I don't have any reactions to bee stings. But my neighbor did. His mom wouldn't let him out of the house in the summer for fear that a disgruntled bee might sting him.

"Fuck that Queen whore! Roll up another ball of wax? Screw that! I'm going to go out hara-kiri style," said the disgruntled bee. And then I imagine that my neighbor would have peered his pale visage between the screen door for the first time and then BAM! Smarted in the neck by a peeved insectazoid aggressor! That was cool. Well, it never actually happened, but it would have been cool.

When a honeybee stings, it pumps poison into its victim from its bulging sac. That sounds really gross, or really sexy. I can't decide. But it hurts. And not in the good way like the sexy way implies.

But anyway, bees don't like smoke. So most beekeepers use smoke to keep the bees away. Some people even use liquid smoke. But many professional beekeepers steer away from this tactic because the substance is somewhat like hair spray and it clogs the nozzle. Turns out a few beekeepers came up missing. That's funny, too.

So I figured that smoking cigarettes would lessen my chances of being killed by bees. So don't rap to me that I will die from smoking because I will reply by saying, "No. You will die when the bees come." Then you'll look at me all retarded.

I promise that if I'm smoking and you come up and feign a cough or insinuate that second-hand smoke is depleting your health, I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE! Or, for your own health, stay the fuck away from smokers when they are smoking. It's common sense. It's not like we can smoke inside restaurants anymore. And if we can we're forced to sit in a room with a box fan and bars on the windows.

Most smokers are considerate. We don't blow it in your face any more than you flaunt that greasy cheeseburger in front of vegans.

Come to think of it, I just might keep a jar full of bees in my pocket. When someone says something to me or waves their hand in front of their face whilst panting their tongue, I will violently shake the jar of bees. The aggravation will build and then I'll open the top and continue smoking as they sting you to death - just like that little boy in "My Girl," except you probably look nothing like Macaulay Culkin.

So you just sit there all happy and free while we serve our master behind an immure of stockade-like surroundings.

I am a smoker and I know that when I'm deserted by a beehive in Africa that I will have fortification in the form of cancer sticks. So when you've got a population of rascally creepy crawlers on your ass don't come begging me for a cigarette! I'll be too busy laughing maniacally while you're suffering mastication from a cloud of KILLER BEES!

Talk about offensive. No...talk about funny, but also overboard and offensive. If you seriously have epilepsy, or you were diagnosed at one time as having epilepsy, it may be a smart thing to avoid this link. But if you were wondering if you do have seizures of any kind...it is time to test yourself out. Epilepsy Test
Certain people...and you know who you are...are not to do this test, unless supervised by an adult.

Penelope's brother Ethan is at work today and already he is contributing to the more interesting/less work attitude that P and I got goin. To start my day, Ethan showed me a site in which you can vote on the new structure of the World Trade Center.
Would you like to vote as well? If so, Click Here

I fucking can't believe it. Really...when you least expect it, your life changes over night. Well...this isn't really a case of that...but still...what the fuck just happned?
So I am standing in the corner of one of the trains on the subway minding my own business. When I get to 30th street, I decide to leave my cramped hole and get close to the door. As I swing around to face the doorway, the girl in front of me turns around and like out of a movie we both say at the exact same time: "Oh my God."
Standing in front of me is a girl named Desiree. I am in SHOCK. I look next to her and who the fuck do I see sitting there??? KIM MOORE! UM! KIM MOTHA FUCKING MOORE! Kelly...do you remember Kim? She lived with Andrea.
Ok..let me explain before this gets super annoying.
Kim and Desiree are two of the 34 residents that lived in my hall when I was an RA, my junior year of college. I was THAT RA. The one that drank with his residents, covered for them on every occassion, bought pot for and from them, etc. In turn, they went to every program I put up, showed up at every hall council meeting, and became, for the year...my best friends. It was a crazy year for me for so many reasons...but the best and worst of it came from these 34 people. I have to admit it. I was an AMAZING RA. In my 3 years in the dorm, I never saw a floor bond as well as mine did. Most of them stayed in touch all through college and even moved in with eachother once that time came to move off campus. To prove my point more...Desiree and Kim were from TWO sides of the track when they met at my first hall meeting...and now they live together in Astoria! We all did a lot together and we all got close real fast. Damn. That was a GOOD year for me in a lot of aspects.
Kim, Andrea, and I became the closest first. They were both drop dead gorgeous and the kind of girls that I usually am friends with. Not because they are gorgeous, but because they were fun and just like me. We had an intense friendship for about 4 months. I was straight at the time and fell for Andrea. My brother came to visit and he and Kim fell hard for eachother. That was difficult for me to deal with at the time...but so it goes...
At the end of the first semester, I had a MAJOR falling out with these girls, cuz I realized that I was giving them all of my attention and not focusing on the other 32 people of my floor.
Needless to say, I branched out and they got pissed.
Since that time, I haven't really gotten along with Kim and Andrea. It's always a fake "hi" and an even faker "bye". I got close to Desiree when I had to spend the night in the hospital with her due to her horrible asthma attacks.
The year ended with a fucking BANG and I said goodbye to all of them.
The next year, I pulled away from ALL of them completely, in typical Joe style, and got to know my girls of 56B. The girls that stayed with me up until this point and the girls that I owe my life to. All the bullshit with my residents up until that point was worth it, having met these incredible 56B ladies.
But I sacrificed all of them in the process.
When I saw Desiree and Kim on the subway, my heart stopped. So many things flashed through my mind.
1) I was INCREDIBLY excited to see them.
2) They don't know I am gay. I came out two years after not talking to them anymore.
3) I think they might still harbor negative feelings for me, considering how it all went down at the end. Kim especially.
So, because of all of this bullshit...I had no idea how to react to them. I acted like I didn't want to see them and when it was time to go our separate ways...I said: "Well...see you at the subway again." They both looked a little disheartened, but it was too late. I had already killed the chance of asking for or giving my number. They were like "ok...see ya", I hugged and kissed them, turned on my heels and walked away.
As I walked home I started to get upset. Why was I like that to them? Regardless of these thoughts I had...why did I not just suck it up and be nicer? Why didn't I give them my number and let them make the choice of calling me?
I'll tell you why.
It's so RARE...in fact...it's almost impossible for me to run into anyone who doesn't know that I am gay anymore. And if that exceptional occassion does happen, I have no problem telling the person. This is different. These people looked up to me and for a year I was their mentor and best friend. I lied to them about who I was. Well, in actuality, I lied to myself about who I was. It wasn't their fault. But damn. Now look what I have done.
When I walked in the door, I immediately tracked down Kim's number and have since been calling her over and over and over. No answering machine and no answer.
Now I am forced to sit and stew.
I miss Kim alot. I always have. She was an incredible person and I always felt really bad about how things ended. But you know it is impossible to go back and apologize. I don't know where her feelings are at right now. I hurt her and I know I hurt her badly. Of all of the people on the floor...she is one of 3 people that I just destroyed by pulling away. She, of the 3, is the only person who destroyed me right back. As I said...she and Andrea had a lot in common with me, including the way we handle dicks. And I was the dick.
I want to see her. I must see her. I need to take her out for drinks and maybe we can get a friendship going again. Alright...time to go give her a ring again.
Let a word to the wise be sufficient...
Life is coincidental and the world is small. It is never impossible to go back and fix things.
Here is my chance.
When is yours?

So now that Paul has no job, he has gotten increasingly more adorable. He calls me like every five minutes just to say crazy things.
The thing he just said was this:
"Joe..I have two huge things I need to tell you. First is that there is a huge storm cloud over my head and no other clouds in the sky. But it is right over my head. Second is that there are Asians everywhere. I was just sitting on a bench and heard these two British guys talking about something interesting. So I peek my head over the bushes to check them out and staring back at me were two pairs of Asian eyes. It was fucking creepy!"
I LOL'd until I about shit myself. (which isn't a hard thing to do today...have had about 3 intense cases of diarehhea in 4 hours)
Also...a good point to know...The secret shopper that got Paul fired from his job was Asian. So now he hates all of them. And I don't blame him. Asians are sick!
;)
He is being so fucking cute I don't know what to do with myself. He has said over and over, in the last week, that he is so excited for Florida. Member how last month he was ruining my life by saying how much he was dreading it? Well good old Paul comes through again with his last minute...I love everything attitude. Thank God for that. He stresses me the fuck out, but at the same time...I know that he will always come through.
I am going to go set up a poll that I NEED answered by all of my friends. I will leave it up until I go to Florida. Everyone...please take a minute out of your day to give me some advice.
Have a great night!
Especially Kelly who is in NC and Rita who is in Scotland today! YAY!

Man it is beautiful outside today. Man alive!
I definitely got some color. My arms are actually stinging a bit. And I lovel it! If the weather keeps up, I might not need to spend any money on tanning. That would be bizomb.
Did you hear what I said? Bizomb. Yeah, that's what I said.
Tonight is the Real World Chicago Reunion special. Literally can't wait. From the sounds of it, Kyle and Kera haven't grown up a bit since the show. Kyle actually goes so far as to say the following: "I do theater as well as weightlifting, sports, and other manly things." Now I don't know what he is referring to (God hopes it's not that creepy/realistic performance of his in The Cough), but I do know that he is no way a MANLY man. Weightlifting or not. Kyle is the biggest gossiping bitch on the show and I think the world has already realized that as a man...Kyle knows not how to be. What a fuck. Don't destroy the name of theater people everywhere.
And Kera...shut the fuck up for once. The funniest part of the preview, though, has to be when Kera says: "I never said that did I?" (referring to her statement of "I am going to land me a man"). The computerized voice goes "Yes you DID Kera." I about shit myself. If you even have computerized voices saying that you are a fuck...then guess what...you are a fuck!
It will be sad to let this all go. Chicago was one of my favorites.
OH MY GOD! Have I seriously forgot to mention this????
I saw a preview this weekend on MTV that went a little something like this:
Opening shot of the first NYC Real World house with one of the original people going: "NYC!"
Then the commercial continues through every season with each picture being that of a season of the Real World. But then...OMIGOD...then...right after "return to NY" and before "Chicago" is a picture of VANCOUVER with a big X over it. After the commercial comes to a close...you hear this big whoosh and then "The Real World Movie: Vancouver, the Lost Season".
Coming in august, I think.
UM! Vancouver the lost season what???????????
I freaked! I mean...fucking freaked!
Who else is just as curious and excited??? ROCK! Things like this make MTV the best network out there. I fucking love those people, with their ingenious ideas and marketing tools. It's enough to make Rita proud.

I kept telling myself that the reason I have never been a Blog of Note is because I don't have fancy shmancy shit on my page. But then...I find this Blog of Note today: I mean, what?
It's not a BAD page, but it is no better then Penelope's or mine. So what's the dilly blogger? I said:
What's the DILLY blogger?!?!?!?

Time for lunch. Or....
Time to sit in the park!
Best part of the day, if you ask me.

Three very important thoughts for you to think about:
1) While I was outside, I saw an absolutely BEAUTIFUL blind girl with her ugly seeing boyfriend. Now is that fair?
2) Eminem has a song on his new album called "Hallies Song". It's about his daughter and let me tell you something...
I adore the song. Not only is it about something of substance for once, but he SINGS on it. I mean, REALLY tries to sing. The song is flawless, like his others, but with this one...you can feel the emotion exuding off of it. I'm telling you folks...3 good songs on the album and I am buying it. It's my rule.
3) I had a moment earlier when I felt really horrible for Doris. Now, understandably, it is almost impossible to ever imagine such a thing as feeling sorry for dis beast, but I did and still do. She has been screamed at, belittled, and stomped on all day. Now, she DOES deserve it, but man! These people have just pounced on her face all day. Hmmmmm.....why does it bother me so?

Hey Penelope! The superintendent aka Marco the rich...has put up our second set of shelves in the resource room! DAYIM they look good.
And Ian came in to say goodbye before he left for Cali. He will be back at the end of August.
So essentially...you have missed nothing today. ;)

So I NEED to come up with a new theme to my blogger. I am bored as shit with it. I don't know what happened. I just don't like it anymore. Maybe I am just in a rut with it. But honestly...do I need any more ruts in my life? So if this thing just casually dies...let it. Let it go in peace.
We'll see...
These are the highlights of the past week:
1) Rita and Kelly left for their vacations!!! I have the house all to myself, which has turned out to be a lot more misery than I thought. Some days are amazing! Some days make me really sad to have them gone. Either way...I am trying my damndest to enjoy the time alone. This kind of thing only comes once a year, so gotta try to love it. :-/
2) The cat and I have become bosom buddies. For the first two days, he completely ignored me. Didn't even come out from his hiding places. But then late on Saturday, I was crying like a pathetic loser and he came out from the closet and sat right on my lap. Um what??? He has never done that before. And it made me cry more. He's a cute boy. Since then, he won't leave me alone. He follows me from room to room and is constantly in need of attention. So am I...so it's a relationship based on a mutual affection. Every morning at 5:00am, he walks into my room and screams his head off. I don't know why. I think because the sun is coming up at that point. Either way...we go to bed together every night and every morning begins with me screaming at him to shut up. Ahhh...the life of being married to a cat.
3) Paul lost his job at Fridays. Uh what?!?!?! Right...he lost his job at Fridays. This is what happened:
Sunday night was very busy at the bar. Paul was rushing around serving drink after drink after drink when suddenly this woman pulls him aside and asks for the manager. Paul calls the manager up to the front bar and the lady proceeds to explain that she is with a "secret shopper program" and Paul didn't ID her. The rule at Fridays is that if you don't ID someone, you are terminated on the spot. (Kelly...it actually wasn't the BARS program...weird right?) So...Paul was asked to not come in on Monday and received a phone call late last night informing him that he is fired. UGH!
He and I cried when we talked about it. (I am an emotional wreck) We came up with some ideas as to where he can apply for a new job. We also discussed making arrangements for him to move to NYC as early as Oct. 1st! WOW. So there may be a dim light at the end of this tunnel. He is a strong kid and he will get through it. And there is still a chance that he will be allowed back at work. But at this point...he doesn't want to go back there after all this. I don't blame him.
4) Yesterday I hated my job more than I have hated anything in my life. I could have KILLED everyone. So irritating and the project that Penelope and I are working on is so fucking awful, I don't even know where to begin. UGGLES.
Today at work has been MUCH better. People are in better moods and Doris has fucked off completely. I kind of let her have it at the end of yesterday. Can't wait until 5pm.
5) Hung out with Penelope on Friday night and had a blast. As usual. It was a late night and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. :-D
6) My parents have returned from Germany with smiles and with safe travels. The prayers have worked! They had tons of stories to tell and have informed me that Rita will be going to see my brother on Friday. How fucking cool is that. VERY COOL.
SO RJR just came by and was like: "You are typing fast, it must be good. What are you doing? What's Post to Cut the Shit?"
I about die laughing that she actually asked and I told her the truth. It's my personal and PRIVATE online journal.
She was like: Great idea! Why "Post to Cut the Shit?" I go: "Because I am a very mature 25 year old".
She smiles and walks away.
Ugh. Oh and by the way RJR. It's not called "Post to Cut the Shit". Just "Cut the Shit". You know...Cut__ The__Shit.
and also...LOLOLOLOLOLOL.
I saw about a hundred thousand movies this weekend. Here is the list:
Moulin Rouge (again)
A Knight's Tale
Dude, Where's my Car?
The Royal Tennenbaums
Rollerball
Dick Tracy
Night of the Living Dead
Shrek
(whatever you do...don't even bother with Rollerball. Damn that shit was awful. Tennenbaums...amazingbaums!)
(oooh! Just so you all know...RCS and jaba are SCREAMING at doris right now. I mean...SCREAMING!!!!! I have no idea why...but it is fucking intense. Now Doris is BUGGING! Now they are bugging back. Man...wish I could hear what they are saying!)
In any case...bored now. This journal writing aint so bad. Maybe I won't kill it afterall.
I'll think about it.
Hey...anyone want RITAS next week? I do! I do!
PEAYCE!
RCS has said: "Let me RE-ITERATE" about a hundred times, each time growing louder and louder and louder. They are all yelling at the same time. If Doris don't come out of this meeting in tears...then I swear, it's true. She has no heart at all.

So I am writing in here for my poor little souls who are stuck working in the Hillel and aren't lucky enough to sit at home and stew like I am. I have a headache. A headache that hasn't quit for days. But even bigger than my headache is the work ache that I get when I sit around and think about it. I hate my job for the last couple of days. I don't know if it is my sickness...but either way...I am so tired of my hum-drum life at the Jewish agency that is my demise. I am tired. I am sick and I am bored. All I have been saying lately is that I am "bored". What has happened? Am I actually getting itchy despite my perfect, non-important, EASY life?
I had an INCREDIBLE birthday. Everyone did what they could to make it exceptional...and let me say...it was one of the best times of my life. At one point...Kelly noticed that I hadn't even begun to start drinking and she says: "Joe...I don't know what to do with you ...drink!" It's just that I felt a NATURAL high that I haven't felt in so long. I was happy. Just plain happy to be alive and to have my friends be everything to me that I needed them to be. I felt special for the day. I felt happiness pure and true. My friends did that for me.
I had Penelope, Mariah, Kelly, Rita, Angie...all in the same place for the same reason...me!
I will write more about my day when my head doesn't hurt so bad.
Man...it was just about the best.
Boston was perfect. Will write more about that later as well. But to be honest.. Paul may not know how to give gifts...as will be explained later...but he is so in love with me and that means more than any present he could give. The kid literally would do anything just to see me smile. He LOVES me. How weird is it to be so loved by someone?
Very fucking weird.
He loves me. I want to write it a thousand times. He loves me like no one has ever loved me. A very pure and real love . A love that is honest and jealous. A blatant and true love. Man...I lucked out with this one.
Headache...
I have the day off tomorrow because I feel like garbage. Why am I even writing in this? Prolly cuz of boredom and because I want to communicate with my co-worker Penelope. I am hanging with her this weekend. I hope she will have me over.
Rita and Kelly are off on vacation for a week and I will be all alone. I went on and on about how excited I am to be alone and to do what I want to do...but to be honest...I am a little sad. I will be alone and lonely. Penelope...get ready for some Joe time. Mariah is out of town in Cape Cod. Joe is home, alone, sad, and relying on the only friend he has. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE hanging with P. She is bomb shit and I would chill with her anyway...regardless of vactations...but still....she is going to have to work overtime to keep my emotions in check. I NEED her next week. NEED. :(
Love me k?
Head pounding...must leave computer...I love you all.
thank you for being my fwiend. I appreicate all of you. Sorry my head hurts.
Snarf.

So the day continues...
For lunch, Kelly and Rita took me to a Psychic to get my palm read. Her name was Tina and she had itty bitty brown teeth. At first, she was really intense and I bought into everything she was saying. She told me that my Aura was very dark right now due to the lack of support that I have with my friends. Also that my close circle was really jealous of me, etc. She told me that I need to pull away from these people in order to succeed in my chosen career, etc. Then she goes: "Do you have a question for me?"
I say: "What can I do to get my positive Aura back?"
She says: "Well, you need to give me $190 for these purple crystals. 9 of them to be exact." Idiot me gives her $1.90. She about bursts into laughter and says: "No. $190. I take checks, cash, etc." I say: "I don't have that kind of money on me." Tina proceeds to ask me if my friends have the money. In my head I am thinking...My friends ain't gonna give me $190 for crystals just so that I can turn around and tell them that Tina says that they are jealous of me and hate me deep down. Craziness, right?
I leave her apartment and try to hunt down Kelly and Rita so that we can jump on a subway and get away without paying this loon. Unfortunately, the devil herself aka Tina, found us on the street and got her money. She turned to me, baring those beautiful, pearly browns and said: "Now remember...don't tell your friends about this reading. Keep it to yourself." "Oh, and call me when you have the money." Right Tina...in fact...I will write over my birthday checks to you. :-D
But thank you to Kelly for this unforgettable experience. In fact, Tina said to me over and over "You will never forget me." She was right...I will laugh from today until forever about how ridiculous you are lady.
When I returned to work, I was so overjoyed to find a HUGE bouquet of flowers from Paul. THEY ARE AMAZING! He did such a wonderful job picking them out and it makes me feel good. He always comes through. But why does he have to be such a prick first? I'll never know.
I also got cards from everyone I work with, as well as a GORGEOUS (german for awesome) photo album, and two blocks of cheese from my lady friend, one miss Angela. Everyone took such good care of me and that makes my heart swell to about 3 times its original size. As we know...I can be grinchy, but today...I am just happy.
In other news...Angie called me today to say happy birthday. I was dreading talking to her, but once on the phone...damn I miss her. I try to shut the door on her face every day, but somehow she always makes it back in. She is an incredible girl with the best of intentions. It's just that sometimes she does some really shitty things. I don't know. I do hope she can make it out tonight.
I realized today that there are all GIRLS going out with me for my birthday. Not one gent. For real? Have I really turned into that guy? I guess I have always been that guy, but wow. I need some male companionship. Sometimes. For the most part...I love being friends with girls. They are so much more fun. But I would like to have a guy go out with us just so that he can protect us from harm. HAHAHAHAHA.
That's what Rita's boyfriend will do when he gets here. Protect all of us ladies. :-D
Today has been a beautiful day from beginning to end. It's how birthdays should go. I love everyone in my life and am so grateful for everything that was done for me today.
And the day has only just begun.
This week is bomb. I tried to write every little detail in here so that I wouldn't forget a thing. Ever.
(Big sigh of love)

WOW. So if it weren't for Paul, this day would be going perfectly. :(
He is just so weird and wasn't as nice on the phone as I hoped he would be. But I am going to force that out of my head and focus on everything else thats good today. Ugh. He just sets me back and that is so unfair. I would rather not talk to him at all then talk to him and have him be an asshole.
Anyway...Since this morning, I had a 30 minute talk with my brother that was wonderful! I talked to my dad, my mom, and Mariah. Then Kelly's sister Aly, Im'ed me to wish me a happy birthday. :-D
THEN...I get this voice message on the work answering machine from Kelly's parents saying "Happy Birthday" and some other really nice things. It was so great! Having all of these people say and do this makes me feel so loved and happy. We all need a day like this every once in awhile. Just reminds you that people really do care about you and that you aren't as alone as you would think. Thank you everyone. Thank you so so much.
Thank you for making up for my boyfriend. :(
One should always be able to count on their friends to make up for other things. And I am blessed to have an incredible group of them here in this city.
Leaving in about 10 minutes with Rita to go meet Kelly for the first part of the day! YAY!
I never want this day to end.
Never.
:(

TODAY IS MY 25th BIRTHDAY!
TODAY IS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! YAY! It's weird when you wake up on the day of your birthday. Everything seems different. Good different, but different nonetheless. As soon as my eyes opened I thought, WOW! I am 25 years old today. And it feels good! I feel older and more mature. Not that a night's sleep will do that. I was talking to Rita last night about how it sucks to keep getting older. But today, I feel good. I am actually happy that I am 25. Maybe I worried too much about being this age in the past and now I have just come to accept it. I mean, of course, there are things I want to change...such as my career, financial status, etc. But for today...I am thrilled to be 25. And I am thrilled to still look like I am 18. I guess the days are coming when I am going to have to capatilize on that theory. I remember all of these people saying to me: "You look so young...you will love that when you get older". Well, now I am older and I do in fact love that.
So here is what I have done on my birthday so far:
Did my normal routine and then while I sat and smoked my cigarette before work, I opened the the birthday cards that I received thus far. I got one from my uncles, one from my granny, one from Rita, one from Rita's sister Jeannie. I have to admit...up until this point...Jeannie's card is by far my favorite. I loved yours too Reets. But Jeannie...damn that shit be funny. I laughed out loud and then hugged the card to my chest.
Ok, I didn't quite hug the card to my chest...that would be queer, right? Thank you for thinking of me. :-D (picture one lone tear rolling down my face...but a tear of happiness)
After opening my cards, I had a moment of sadness. I don't know why. Sometimes when I get really happy, something in me slaps me in the gut and makes me sad. I don't know. It's on days like today that I miss my brother alot and also my grandmother. Weird huh? It kinda just creeps up on you. But it will be a good day and I know that they are both here with me in spirit and I will do my best to get in touch with that today. :)
What else was weird...no one on the subway seemed to know it was my birthday. No one offered me a seat or even said "Happy Birthday". Assholes.
When I got to work, everyone was so adorable. They all wished me a good day and I got cards and hugs! It was really wonderful. Rita had breakfast ready, hot, and waiting at my desk for me. She is so good to me! Especially since when I was on my way in, I almost bought a Vitamin Water, but thought...I will wait until someone runs out for coffee. Then I came in and my favorite flavor was sitting at my desk. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
At 1:40pm, I leave for lunch for the first phase of the day. Kelly will be waiting at 92nd street for Rita and I. What could it be? I am really excited about today.
Also! When I was like 2 years old, my dad bought me a little kid record with the "Birthday Song" on it. It goes like this:
"My name is Zoom and I live on the moon...I just came down to sing you this tune...hey Joe...it's your birthday...TODAY!"
Every year since I was two years old, he has either played the record for me or sang it to me on the phone. This year, I came into work to find that he had faxed the song to me. :-D HOW CUTE IS HE!?!?!?! I was wondering if this year was going to go by without the song. Man...he is such an incredible person. So thoughtful and so great. He helped to start my day on such a beautiful note.
Thank you dad.
AND!
My room is officially set-up and perfect. I spent two more hours on it last night redecorating and organizing the shit on my walls. Then I just sat and stared at my new place. I love the way it came out. There is tons of stuff to look at and it feels like home now. It is mine and I am so happy it is done. Thank you again Kelly for getting this started for me. You did so much hard work and got my ass in gear. You are the best.
Ok...that's it for now. Will report back with more later!

I just stuck my fingers in there and nope! I didn't.
Phew huh?

For a second I thought I pooped my pants.

So I went to the park today on my lunch break even though it was overcast and muggy.
I don't know if it is because my birthday is tomorrow or what, but the sky opened up for about a half hour today and I was able to bake myself. It's like God said, in a big booming voice, "Hello Joe. Whaddya know? Here is some tan". I gladly accepted the gift, and maybe even got a smidge of color. Yeah...a smidge.
It's almost time to go home. Lucky me doesn't have to tutor today. Ok...I shouldn't really be saying lucky me...it was supposed to be my first day. Oh well. It's just that I want to spend the whole week doing what I want to do and none of it doing what anyone else wants to do. Sounds fair right?
Did you know that once you turn 25 years old...you get to slap each of your friends in the mouth? It's like this swedish tradition. Tomorrow...everyone I see gets a slap right on their lips. Better watch out for me.
Ever wonder why people even celebrate birthdays? If so, click on this to learn the truth:
History of Birthdays
Ok...time to go plan more things for my vacation.
With the amount of activities I have researched, Paul and I are going to have about 5 seconds of free time. And that's if we don't sleep or have sex.
oh god...am I really having sex with him in Florida.
yes
Yes I am.

When I walked out of the house this morning, I was unplesantly surprised to find Fuckface getting something out of a car in front of our house. As I walked by, he shut the door and we said "Hi" and both turned to walk to the subway together. I was fully ready to suck it up and deal with it, knowing that we would have to walk and talk, but then, he took a step behind me and I just walked ahead. He walked about 10 feet behind me for the entire time and then ran into me at the metro pass machine. It was all pretty humerous and thank God that I look good today. I was like "eh...see ya fuckface". It's not bad being put into uncomfortable situations if you just remain calm and make the other person look like an asshole.
Works really well actually.
:-D

Shit. I have a lot to write today. I might have to do this in installments.
You see...the whole thing started when I got home on Friday. The birthday festivities officially began and they ain't gonna stop until this Friday. I love a week full of birthday. It is just about the best week of the year.
My parents were so excited to have me home. We drank tons of wine, smoked a LOT of pot and opened my birthday gifts right from the beginning. They were really generous with me this year. When I mentioned that to them, they were like "You are 25! It's a big birthday!" (Secretly I think they just feel sorry for my poor ass, but hey...I'll take it) I showed them my headshots and they went on and on and on. My dad started to cry, my mom held my hand and we all just sat there feeling and knowing that this is all starting right now. Wow.
After the drinking and board games, we ate tacos (my favorite food to eat at home) and I literally passed out in my bed at 2:30am with the tv on. I was expecting to stay up a bit by myself and chill, but that was a fruitless effort.
Saturday, my mom took me to get a one hour full body massage. At first, I was terrified and totally skeptical. I had never done this type of thing before and I was very uncomfortable with having to take my clothes off. ALL my clothes off.
I met the nice lady before she did the massage and she made me feel so comfortable. (My mom had said that it would work out cuz the massage therapist was incredible--and that she was!)
The room was dim, I was naked under a sheet, some type of Japanese music was playing in the background, and she began rubbing my shit down. IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME. The first five minutes were definitely weird. Especially when she put her hands on my ass. But eventually, you have to just let go. I was on another planet for the entire hour. In fact, it went by so fast that I about shit myself when she told me to put on my clothes and meet her outside. (P.S. Don't REALLY shit yourself while naked under a sheet. Massage therapists don't like that.)
When I walked out of the room, my head was buzzing and cloudy and I literally stumbled out of the building. No, I really STUMBLED out of the building. I felt like I had just done an excessive amount of drugs. It was pretty awesome. I have never been that relaxed in my life and hells if I am not counting the days until I get to do it again. Unfortunately, it costs like $65 for a professional massage, so this can't be an addiction type activity. I am going to have to space out my need for full naked rubdowns. But if you get the chance...GO! Everyone is uncomfortable with the body image thing...but once you let go...I am telling you...it's like nothing else.
After that, my mom took me on a shopping spree for summer clothes. She got me tons of shit, including new kicks, and 3 new necklaces. 3! Memble last week how I had no necklaces?? Well, now I have 3. :-D
And I love them all!
Following the shopping extravaganza of my life, my parents took me out to dinner at the Old Country Buffet. Yes, it was my choosing to go there. I got real stoned before we left, with my parents knowing and loving it
(my dad especially thinking it was cool--???), and then proceeded to eat my face off. I mean EAT MY FACE OFF. At one point, the "waitress" brought me over a new face and asked me politely not to do that again.
The one thing that shocked me a little was the clientele at this place. We were there at 4pm, but let's talk about scumbags...
I mean, it's not there fault...it's $7 all you can eat and that is an affordable meal for extremely overweight, poor black folk. ;)
When I was up getting my salad, this little black girl was standing next to me sucking down jello cubes of some sort and wiping her smeary nasty hands on the sneeze guard. I burst into laughter, avoided the pasta salad and went back to the table.
If you think about it...it is very rare that we are ever in the type of establishment that these type of people are. Even in NYC. I am not saying that I am Mr. Class or that I have all the money in the world (haha), but damn these people were like used to feeding in troughs outside of their barn!
Once dinner was over, we all went home for an hour nap and then off to the Saratoga Race Track. We went for the Harness racing, which if you don't know, is smaller horses that run around a mile long track with little chariots tied to their backs. The jockeys ride back there and the whole thing is just great! I mean...you gotta feel bad for the horses, but after 4 beers, I swear I saw the horses smiling that they were getting whipped in the ass.
After the first race, one of the horses wouldn't stop running crazily around the track. The jockey was thrown from the little chariot thing and the horse bolted towards the fence surrounding the track. People were trying to wave down the horse, there is a woman on a horse trying to get this crazy steed under control, but to no avail. The horse jumps the fence, smashing the chariot into a billion pieces and takes off out of the raceway. Where did he end up? Probably shot to death in the parking lot.
:(
I don't know what was scarier...when the horse went running away, or when everyone in the crowd was like "Oh God. Someone help! BLAH BLAH YIPES!"
No...someone actually said: "Blah Blah Yipes!"
That person was a jackass.
Overall...the time at the racetrack was probably my favorite. I had such an incredible time with my parents. We just joke around and laugh and make fun of everyone and its all so great. They took such wonderful care of me this weekend and I am so happy to have them. My mom did about 80 pounds of laundry for me, they gave me the money to get my headshots reproduced (although I told them it was a loan and that I would give them the money in August.), and they did whatever I wanted to do with no complaints.
It was perfect.
Wednesday evening, they leave to go spend a week or two with my brother in Germany. They are psyched and I am psyched for them. I talked to my brother quite a bit in the last couple of days and he is thrilled to have them come. For once HE is going to be the only brother in the family. ;)
SO THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I come home from the weekend to find the most INCREDIBLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER! Kelly, while I was gone, completely rearranged my room and made it beautiful! I mean...she TOTALLY gave my room an OVERHAUL! My jaw hit the floor when I saw it and I think I stood in the center of it speechless for a good 20 minutes.
I was a little nervous at first cuz there is so much space in there now. I thought that she just took a huge garbage bag and dumped it all in the trash. But she didn't. ;)
It definitely took a little while to get used to, but I immediatly got down to business on fixing it up the way I want it. I needed this push and Kelly new that. She DID this for me. She worked so hard and I will never forget this for as long as I live.
It looks so good. I am going to re-do the walls tonight and make it exactly the way I want it. Then, after a year and a half of being here, my room will be done! I am seriously overjoyed by this whole thing. I woke up this morning and let out a yelp of glee. It's like a brand new place and it looks so fucking good. For the first time since I graduated college, I have a slamming room again. :-D
Thank you Kelly. I can't say it enough. What you did was the nicest thing anyone has done for me in so long. It is...damn. It means so much.
Now...on to the rest of the week of birthday! Tomorrow is the actual day when I will turn 25! Ugh! But ROCK! I am not dreading the age thing at all. It's nice having Rita turn the year older first, cuz then I can warm up to it a bit before I do. I have no idea what my friends are planning, but I am so fucking excited. At one point, there was a grilled cheese restaurant involved. But that has since been nixed due to my peeking eyes. HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE!
I wonder what is going on!?!?!?! Unfortunately Paul will not be attending. That hurts. He and I have had some ok conversations lately, but there is always this underlying disappointment on my part. I am sad that he is not going to be in town, but I understand. I leave for Boston on Wed., so it's not that I won't get to spend any time with him. It just sucks that I won't be able to have everyone I know and love at the same place on the same night. And if he does surprise me and show up, I will probably punch him in the face for playing this stupid "I am going to tell you I am not coming and then come" game. I hate that game.
BUT! I am very excited to do it up with my friends without having to worry about any of the bullshit that goes along with Paul. I can be myself and get trashed and not worry if I end up finding some guy on the street that wants his dick sucked. :-D
Too bad I have to work at all this week. I shouldn't complain. I have wed-fri. off, but still...don't want to be here at all. And I am supposed to go to lunch with my boss today, but going to try my damndest to get out of that one. Just don't want to do it is all.
Only want to sit back, accept gifts, and wear my new clothes. That sounds like the perfect birthday plan to me.
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!