Cut the Shit

Shook It Up

It's Christmas time...Chanukah time...Kwanzaa time...do any of you feel it?

What makes us "feel" it? Is it giving? Is it receiving? Is it the music or the lights?

This is the first year in my life when it's as late as December 19th and I still don't feel the Christmas Spirit. And I sent 52 Christmas cards this year!

For the most part my shopping is done and my Holiday parties are all, but over.

When does that automatic happiness set in?

As someone who deals with depression, I COUNT on the SPECIAL moments in life to give me that natural serotonin to get me through. But it has yet to come.

I've debated ending this journal for months, but sometimes it feels like it's the only CONSISTENT friend I have...

I'll be back in 2007.

And because I'm never a man that believes in total defeat, I have HIGH hopes and BIG GOALS to shoot for in the New Year.

You watch. Shit's about to change.

It has to.

Or I officially give up.

But that should be an idle threat. I'm about to enter a phase where I love myself again. I'm about to enter a phase that allows me to believe in myself. I remember that old Joe, and now more than ever, I need him back.

Do YOU need to feel that way again too?

Let's do it. Let's honestly, just do it.

A new year.

A new US.

Two Things That Had a HUGE Impact On Me This Week

Clearly this wasn't the season for a newbie to jump into Nip/Tuck. But for those of us who have seen every episode ever created, what a rewarding and beautiful season this was. No doubt my favorite show on television. This is a montage that played at the end of the season finale on Tuesday. It's stunning and incredibly thought provoking, even if you don't understand what's going on. Additionally, what a fantastic song!



On a lighter, but even more entertaining note, read this wonderful article on why President George W. Bush will finally get the come uppance he deserves. It's been a long time coming. Two years too long at least.

Enjoy!

I Heart You

First and foremost today, I’m loving Kathy Griffin. She gave a hilarious and powerful interview last night on Larry King Live (yes, I do watch Larry King Live all the time). She answered everything honestly and made fun of celebrities (like Oprah) and politicians that most people would be too frightened to address. I was literally laughing out loud and gasping all at the same time. She basically ran the show while Larry just sat there with his mouth gaping wide open. This bitch rocks. Always and forever.

While I really couldn’t give a shit about Jessica Simpson, the commercial where she promotes High Definition TV makes me smile. She says this line “I don’t know what that means, but I want it.” Something about the way she says that line makes my heart burst with joy. Ok, I know. But sometimes a lonely boy needs these little things to make him happy.

I’m loving working at a Jewish Organization today. From December 25-January 10th, I only work 2.5 days. Um. Fantastic! We also just received our “Jewish Holiday List” for 2007 and guess how many days this gentile gets off next year? 25. TWENTY-FIVE. That’s not including the 3 weeks of sick time and 3 weeks of vacation time I get. I mean, basically I’m working for free next year. I’m not trying to rub it in your face, I’m just happy. Ok whatever; I’m totally rubbing it in your face.

Justin Timberlake…love. Nuff said.

I am loving my Celtic Women Christmas CD. It’s beautifully done and fills my subway commute with holiday cheer. I immediately relax when “Oh Holy Night” comes on and I barely notice that I’m being pressed up against the subway door by hundreds of people on the train.

Tonight is the finale for America’s Next Top Model. I’ve recently realized that Tyra Banks is a self-important idiot, but it doesn’t stop me from living and loving this show. It’s catty-licious!

Additionally…while Heroes ended on a semi-weak note this past Monday, I’m still loving their taglines. The newest one Are You On The List makes my dick jump with joy.

I’m absolutely loving my dog, Tyler. It seems that as each day goes by, I just want to love him that much more. He’s an integral part of my life now and has fully become a prominent presence in my apartment. He’s absolutely addicted to sitting on my lap and slowly (but surely!) he’s learning the English Language. I’m constantly talking to him and out of nowhere he’s truly beginning to understand what I’m saying to him. Last night I said “Tyler, go pee” and he immediately walked over to the pee pad and laid it down. Then I said “Tyler, it’s time for bed” and he ran right to the bedroom door and scratched at it. When I opened it, he rushed up and jumped in his bed. I smiled and smiled and smiled. Now if I could just get him to wash the dishes.

I’m loving Paul. We’ve been in a really good place in our relationship for awhile now, but even more than that, I’m just incredibly happy being around him. He still makes me laugh my ass off, but he’s also becoming more patient and understanding with me. Overall, he’s an absolute joy to be around. I’m also excited to have him spending the Christmas holiday with my family. A whole week together (without him having to work or study for the GMAT’s!) It’s going to be a beautiful time for the both of us and for our relationship. Our anniversary is on January 9th and it’s going to be SEVEN years! Sure, we’ve had some MAJOR ups and downs over the seven years, but I’m astonished and proud of us for getting this far. I don’t know anyone who’s been in their relationship as long as we have – even the majority of my married friends. It’s crazy and real and one of the few things in my life that I’m genuinely proud of.

See the movie Hard Candy. I can’t tell enough people about it. One of the best films I’ve seen this year.

Beyonce Beyonce Beyonce. The girl can do no wrong. The media tries to slam her because she’s basically perfect. If I play the song “Irreplaceable” one more time, my IPOD is going to explode. Then there’s the whole Dreamgirls thing. She’s one classy lady with an endless reserve of talent.

For some reason I’ve become big time obsessed with Eric Dane (above). You may know him better as Dr. McSteamy on Grey’s Anatomy. He’s so smoldering, he makes me feel funny inside. I believe that he is one of the most beautiful men to ever grace my television. Every time I see him, I want to cut myself. But cut myself with happiness.

My friend Rita and I have had so many talks over the last couple of weeks that I feel like she’s living in NYC again! Because it’s so hard to deal with the distance between us, we often go a month or two without calling. But lately, we’ve overcome that bullshit and are closer than ever. I adore every word that comes out of her mouth and I feel an intense sadness every time I hang up the phone with her. Yet, I feel stronger and more capable because of the way she relates to me. I literally feel the respect and sensitivity that she has for me and I gotta say – there’s nothing quite like having a friend that gets you on every possible level.

Yes, I still love pizza more than ever. If I don’t eat it at least 3 times a week, I feel sad. And skinny. And no one wants to feel either of those things. (shifty eyes)

My hair has been rocking hard core these days. I’m in the good phase where it’s not too short, not too long, and rests perfectly on top of my gigantic head. Having good hair is important to any self-respecting gay man. And for the next couple of days, I’ll be totally respectable.

I’ve been loving Lindsay Lohan lately. Ok, I can’t even lie about that. I actually said to Paul last Friday “Don’t think bad of me, but if I had one wish for this weekend, it would be for Lindsay Lohan to have an overdose and die.” Paul laughed, then judged me for a minute, but now that it’s 5 days later, I still wish for it. I know death and overdosing is a scary and horrible thing, but some people must either take part in it or just get the fuck out of my face. Sad thing is, I used to love her as an actress. She wasn’t like HUGELY talented, but she had great charisma. I watched Prairie Home Companion this weekend and she fucking sucked balls. I mean, when you’re up against Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin, you don’t have much of a leg to stand on, however, get your shit together and make an effort. Are you an actress or are you just boozing and snorting and wasting everything that God gave you? She just doesn’t even try to turn herself around. And that’s so sad and unforgivable.

On a lighter note, I’ve been obsessed with celery and Hidden Valley Ranch dip. I eat it by the gallons. Don’t worry, I use non-fat or low-fat sour cream. Then I cut up all this fresh celery and dip and dip and eat and dip and man. I gotta slow it up.

Of course I love Perez Hilton. I've been reading him, daily, for as long as he’s been around. However, if you want someone who’s just as good and even funnier in her commentary, check out MollyGood. She’s absolutely fantastic and finds the funniest shit to put on her site. Rarely do I read a journal or a gossip site and think “I want to be their friend”. With Molly, I not only want to be her friend, I want to be her bestest friend and make funny videos together and laugh at them.

Television Without Pity will provide you hours and hours of television recap entertainment. You should especially check out any recap by Miss Ali. She’s always correct in her television assessment and she writes things that make poop fly out of my ass. I swear that she and I are cut from the same cloth. That cloth being the Shroud of Turin.

I love you my dear and faithful readers.

But most importantly...Happy First Birthday to my darling niece Ruby! Unky Joe sends you a million kisses and hugs!

Enjoy your day!

Nightmares and Dreamscapes

I had the weirdest dream last night. I woke up from it at around 4am and had a very fitful sleep after that. I just couldn’t get it out of my mind. Here’s what happened and hells if I can make any sense out of it.

From what I can remember, I was hanging out in a large auditorium style room with hundreds of people. There were people that I knew personally, but the majority of the crowd were people that I had never met. Along the back wall were different types of carnival games (like the one where you have to throw a basketball through a hoop to win a prize). I ventured over to that game and caught the eye of an incredibly attractive black man. He was very tall and thin, but when we locked eyes, I got the feeling that he was interested in getting to know me personally…and sexually!

I watched this dude play a few rounds of the game and while I was standing there, another tall, good looking black guy came up to me and started a conversation. I can’t remember what we were talking about, but I do remember that we hit it off and walked away from the game. I looked back to see the other guy staring at me with angry eyes, upset that I took off with another man.

An announcement came over the PA system that informed us that the sleepover portion of the event was about to begin (um, ok…fair enough!). My new friend and I found our sleeping bags and we started to set them up on the floor. Since there were so many people at this “event”, floor space was hard to come by. There were some people I knew personally settling down in my general vicinity, but mostly there were faces that I didn’t recognize.

As we were getting comfortable, the first guy that I made eye contact with, at the basketball game, came over and started talking to my new friend. I tried to listen to their conversation, but I couldn’t hear anything. Once I sat down on my sleeping bag, my new friend asks if he could borrow my hat. I say “sure” and he puts it on his head. I smile thinking that I’ve just met the hottest, nicest new guy at the party.

“I’ll be right back”, the guy with my hat says.

He then walks away with the other black guy and I watch them until they leave my sightline. I then sat on the sleeping bag waiting for the movie to start. Oh yeah, did I fail to mention there was a movie being shown? Well, that’s exactly how I felt in the moment. I was like “There’s a movie coming on? Cool!”

Anyways…

A few moments later, the guy that took my hat came back to my sleeping bag and threw my hat on the ground. I noticed that there was a gallon of puke inside my hat.

“What the fuck did you do to my hat?”

“We threw up in it. What do you think of that?”

“What?!?! Go clean it out!”

“Fuck you asshole!”

The fury started building in my body and I picked up the hat (yes there was vomit sloshing around and falling on to the floor). When I went to readdress the two guys, they had disappeared.

“Where did they go? Did anyone see those two guys who just puked in my hat?”

There was a slight murmuring in the crowd and for some reason I decided to go person to person to ask why these two guys threw up in my hat. During my interrogation, the lights went down and the movie started to play.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! Turn the lights on until I figure out why these two guys puked in my hat!”

The lights came back on and there were hundreds of pairs of eyes staring at me angrily.

“Sit the fuck down!” someone yelled.

“I really need to know where those two guys are that threw up in my hat!” I screamed.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” someone screamed. And with that, I got hit in the face with some sort of garbage.

“Stop throwing shit at me and help me!” I pleaded.

The laughter and taunting rose to extreme proportions and I started to get so angry that tears were stinging my eyes. More people threw garbage at me and I just stood there begging someone to help me. My clothes were getting all fucked up and I was still holding the hat with the vomit in it.

“Please. Can someone please help me? Please!”

Then I woke up.

Really nice dream, eh?

I’m not entirely sure what this dream means, but I’ll tell you this…it’s the LAST time I ever let a black guy borrow my hat!

Heh.

End of the Week Wrap-Up

I can’t tell you how fucking excited I am for this weekend. It’s been a long haul as of late and having this weekend with my friends, chilling out in NYC, and relaxing when I get the time, is going to be the most perfect couple of days I can imagine. As you can see, I’m slowly crawling out of my depressed mode and back into the land of the living. It’s a refreshing change of pace.

My IPOD has been dead for a month and the only purpose it has served me is the fact that I still wear it to convince other people, on the subway, that I’m not to be bothered. The one day I didn’t bring it I had 3 people ask me for directions or try to start up a conversation. If you’re a railway commuter in this city, its best you always have your headphones on, unless you like talking to a random stranger about the political climate of the Middle East.

But then Paul got me one of the newest, littlest IPODs ever. It’s so small, I’m afraid I’m going to eat it by accident. I adore this tiny friend and I feel a pang of excitement every morning when I realize that I have music back in my life.

Grey’s Anatomy. I was seriously against this show for the longest time, but with the new time slot this season, I’ve been stuck watching every episode. Well! Last night solidified it as my newest obsession (next to Heroes that is). The episode last night was so fucking beautiful, it was almost too much to bear. The characters have really grown on me and if the writing remains this good for the rest of the season, I just might blow a wad on my television. Sandra Oh is absolutely fantastic and Chandra Wilson lights up the screen every time she makes an appearance. Even Ellen Pompeo has gone from sour grapes/ full on annoyance, to a character that I kind of empathize with, giving proof that even the smarmiest of actors can turn it all around for the better. On top of that, two weeks ago (November 16th), Grey’s used my friend Ingrid Michaelson's song “Breakable” during the last scene of one of their episodes. It was an awesome experience for those of us that love her music and an even bigger inspiration to those of us who know how hard she’s worked! Check her out. You will love her stuff.

Other than that, all is going well. Last night Tyler ate so much dog food, he was stuck laying on his back for the rest of the night, farting up a storm. Minus the excess gas, that little dude is so fucking perfect, I can’t stand it. He’s really grown up into the most wonderful dog I could have ever wished for. I’d like to think that some of that has to do with the way I raised him, but I also know that I’m just completely blessed.

Eat your weekend raw and love it!