.annual utah fall trip

its qutie pathetic how i am currently writing about my utah trip, considering it was 4 weeks ago.

im sad i dont have the time or truthfully, the energy, to blog about my life anymore. it just seems like the last thing i want to do at the end of my crazy days. i have been working 4 days a week, taking wednesdays off to stay home with the kids. i am lucky enough to have friends in my ward that watch beckham for me 2 days a week while i go to work, then i go pick up berk from school, and then pick up beckham. its has started to become our routine and the kids are doing well with it. beckham gets excited to go play at his friends houses, and i am able to work and not have to pay for a sitter.

we did have time for a trip to utah though. my mom takes us out there each year to go stay at my sisters house, and do all the fall activities. i love it, and my kids LOVE it. i just love utah in the fall....its so beautiful and refreshing. my niece rilee, and my mom went up at the same time, and then my cousin lives with my sister so we were able to spend some time with her. i will say my cousin katie, and my niece rilee were pretty hilarious to listen to. they added a lot of laughs to the trip. while we were there we visited the dinosaur museum, the farm, the pumpkin patch, and the aquarium. then we also enjoyed the freezing weather, and hanging out in the house for hours. as always, a super fun trip.

.i was on a blog diet

the title says it all.

it's been way too long.

here's the latest.

.berkeley turned 5

.she was so excited to have it at chuck'e cheese

. the day of the knit hat

.berkeleys football makeup for football day at school

{applied when she was supposed to be going to bed}

.roller derby

{yes, it exists}

.duck park

.breakfast with cousins

.mountain biking

.my third wheel date night at fight night

.lake day

.thankful

i just looked at a friends blog and saw a thankful list. not going to lie....i see these a lot and kind of want to gag. so cliche....BUT, things are different now in my life. my life is now a tad more challenging than it used to be and i sometimes get in a debbie downer rut. i think i need to sit down and truly think of what i am thankful for.

my kids....they bring me so much joy and love....love that i crave from them now more than ever. i cherish my time with them so much more now because i dont get to see them every day. i miss them when they are gone, and i love when they are with me. i dont feel complete without them.

the warners.... my brother sean, his wife robin, and their six kids....they have unselfishly taken me into their home, and had offered since the day i separated. they are such good people and constant examples to me of always showing service and love. if they had not been right here this whole time during the divorce, i dont think i could have made it. they have been my rock through it all and the people i have turned to.

my friends {ward members}.... i say my friends, because they are my friends, but they are also in my ward. there have been a handful of girls in my ward that have constantly reached out and continue to reach out towards me. they have been true friends to me through the one of the hardest things i will ever have to go through. i will never forget the love that i have felt from all of them.

sonic.... yes....i said sonic. its pathetic, i know. i am fully aware that i have an addiction, and i am fully aware that i feed that addiction every day. sadly, it makes me happy, and its something to look forward to every day. the extra bonus is that because i go every day, i now get free sonic every day. not too shabby. {probably should not be putting that on my thankful list....also fully aware of that :)}

my job....i got a job about 3 months after i separated at a real estate firm with a couple of people that are very successful in real estate, and plan on growing tremendously in real estate. they love me and they are excited to have me on their team. i know that eventually {sooner than later please :)} i will be living independently and able to support my family and live a comfortable lifestyle. i am very lucky to be at the place that i am at.

i obviously have so much more to be thankful for, but these are the things that have kept me going and have made me feel more myself again. i still cry all the time. i still am sad. i still struggle with a lot of things.....but i do have good people and good things in my life that i am incredibly grateful for and keep me going.

.just cause

.settling down

considering my life has been complete and utter chaos the last 6 months, i finally feel like it is settling down, and im getting used to my "new" life. i went to real estate school a few months back and now, i have a really great job working for a real estate firm in ahwatukee. i have started to have clients and have been showing them homes and driving around...granted its like 100 miles a day! i truly love it, and im really excited to be in this industry. at first it was really hard adjusting from being a stay at home mom to working. i felt guilty for not being with my kids. but as time has gone on i have realized that they still love me just as much, im still their mom, and they are still happy kids. so i have been feeling better about being gone, and now have come to learn how to take advantage of the time that i have with them even more.

my kids have been gems. i have seen positive changes in both of my kids, i think from getting real quality time with me and with todd. todd and i have great individual relationships with both kids and have both made huge efforts to always be with the kids, which it think is a big reason they are doing so well.

about a month ago i moved in with my brother sean, his wife robin, and their 6 kids. it was hard at first realizing that once again i wouldnt have my own home, and it took some adjusting for me....a few breakdowns later i am at peace with it and i am really having a fun time. i am so lucky to have family that will sacrifice so much to take us in. they have been such a blessing in my life. the kids love it.... they are always playing with the other cousins.and i love it...i get to hang out with 2 teenage girls full time, talk about boys, share clothes, and have some young hip friends to hang out with :) its been good for all of us.

i think personally i am feeling stronger, more confident, and more at peace with my life. i have had to realize a lot of things about myself this last 6 months that were hard to confront, and at times i have felt feelings of despair and self-hate. its been a long road, and i am completely aware that it is no where finished, but i feel like i have grown and have learned so much about life, happiness, relationships, friends, and being self reliant.

still..... i got a lot of growing to do :)

.summer 11'

beach, cousins, del taco, swimming, concert in the park, bean burritos, bela the cat, swings, boats, sonic, 10pm bed time, sleeping in.

its all over.....

all day kindergarten is here!