#AdventUs NAME

Name

My mother was from the south.  She left Texas with her family during the great dust bowl migration and came to California in the early 30s.

She carried with her a deep hatred of everything about the south.  Wanted to wipe every part of it from her.  Including her name.  Mamie Jo.  It’s a very southern name.  

So she made up a new name, Joelle 

She actually legally changed her name to Joelle.

My father liked the name so I was named Joelle.

My husband and I like the name as well but naming my daughter Joelle seemed a bit much so we named her Sarah Joelle. 

#AdventUs ~ Family

Family comes in several shapes and sizes.  

This is my sister and I a few years ago.  She died this past year of breast cancer.  

We were very different.

We were 12 years apart, had different fathers and in many ways our mother was very different with each of us.  We had different childhoods.  We had very different adulthoods.  

And yet we were sisters.

We were close like sisters. We especially enjoyed taking vacations together.  She was the grandmother to my kids they never had.  Although kinda wild for a grandma.  We were family.

Family comes in different shapes and sizes.  

I thank God for the time I had with my sister. 

See Visiting Poverty

Visiting Poverty

I know, I never post here anymore.  I keep it because of the old stuff I posted.  For those who are still following, this is from where I do most of my writing:  God's Work, Our Blog, our synod blog.

My sister & I

The past two weeks has been something of a roller coaster of emotions as I took personal time to first celebrate with joy and pride my son’s graduation from college and then flew to California for what is probably my last visit with my sister who is in the late stages of breast cancer.

My sister has worked hard her whole life in a variety of low paying jobs, mostly waitressing and factory work.  She always enjoyed her jobs and the people she met and made the most of life.  But now she lives only on her Social Security check, in Southern California where rent is so expensive she is left with $40 a month to live on.

She lives in a cockroach infested apartment on a busy street.  But she does have a place to live. There are many homeless who sleep in cars and under shopping carts on her street. She knows and speaks to many of them.

When you are poor you wait for hours in the clinic for care.  Even if you have cancer you can wait months to see a specialist.  She needs to give herself shots after her chemo treatments and one time the doctor forgot to include a prescription for the needles.  The doctor is only available on Wednesdays.  She needed to give herself the shots beginning on Thursday.  My sister is good at coming up with creative solutions to problems.  She walked down to the local homeless shelter which has a free needle exchange program for drug addicts and talked them into giving her some needles.

When you are poor you have to be clever to survive.  People who think the poor are lazy and dumb must not actually know any poor people.  One of my sister’s neighbors spent two days, 12 hours a day wearing a hot costume and dancing on the street to attract attention to a local business for a few hundred dollars.  Out of her $40, my sister gave him $10 to wash her floor for her.  

She gets food stamps.  A few times a week she has someone take her EBT card (they don’t use stamps anymore) to the Jack in the Box on the corner to buy her a hamburger.  A lot of people resent that the poor can use food stamps to buy fast food.   But remember she has 4th stage breast cancer and is undergoing chemo.  She doesn't always feel like cooking.

While I was visiting she bought us a couple of steaks with her food stamps.  People with money resent that too.  But she only gets a set amount of money for food each month.  If she spends $12 on steaks this week, it means she will eat rice and beans the rest of the month (which she likes).  But why should we begrudge her the ability to buy her sister a nice dinner?  Why should we insist she buy hamburger every week rather than steak one week and beans the next?

I went grocery shopping for her and she gave me her EBT card but I refused to use it.  Of course I had money and wanted to buy her groceries so her food stamps would last longer.  But there was a less noble and generous reason I refused to use the card.  I was ashamed and did not want to be seen using the card.  “Oh don’t worry about that,” she assured me “Everyone here uses that card.  You will fit right in”

The truth was, I did not want to fit in. I did not want to be seen as one of “those people”.  But as I spent the week with her and “those people” and saw how much they cared for and took care of my sister, how hard they worked for the little they had and how clever they were at surviving, and what positive attitudes they had, I realized I could do a lot worse than “fitting right in” with this crowd.

As Christians we know we are obligated to help the poor.  But I know we can be awfully judgmental about the poor and we don’t often actually get to know them.   Jesus was about more than just "helping" the poor.  He was about abolishing the barriers we put between “us” and “them”. This past week has challenged me to think about ways we can move beyond charity to expanding our notions of who our neighbor is.

Landing on My Feet or How I Spent My Summer Vacation

 

I really wanted to do interim ministry. I knew I would be good at it for a lot of reasons. I got the training and completed a successful two year interim.


But this is the thing with interim ministry. There is this thing called "downtime" when there are no churches needing an interim and so there is no work. And if you are a single mother who has lived paycheck to paycheck your entire career, well down time can be pretty terrifying.

So this summer I went to work at Staples for my "down time". I came to hate hearing this time referred to as "down time". Down time sounds so relaxing and refreshing. There was nothing relaxing or refreshing about this time. They would often "forget" to give me my break and it was not unusual for me to be on my feet for five hours at a stretch without a break. Funny story. As part of my "Training" I had to watch a video about how bad unions are and how everyone gets along we don't need no stinkin union. All I know is that if I had a union rep, I'd sure as heck get my breaks when I was supposed to!

But back the term "Downtime” --Here are some other things pastors said to me during this time (and after) that I did not appreciate:

I worked at Staples at a relatively large town with a lot of ELCA churches and pastors around. Apparently a lot of ELCA pastors shop at Staples. Who knew? So a very strange dynamic would take place when they saw me. They would seem a little uncomfortable. It reminded me of right after my husband died and the couples our age we hung out with didn't really want to be around me. Because I reminded them of what could happen to them.

I think seeing me in my bright red staples shirt made pastors uncomfortable because I reminded them of just how insecure our jobs really are. They could be wearing a red shirt themselves. Actually they would be lucky to get this job.

So in their discomfort they would say stupid things to me the way, in their discomfort, people say stupid things to people in grief. Pastors know better than to say stupid things to people in grief. But they don't really know what to say to other pastors in red Staples shirts.



"Oh I think I would enjoy a little down time like you are getting" No, I'm pretty sure you would not enjoy being on your feet 7 hours all day, then having to clean the bathrooms before you can go home at night (Speaking of which, there is nothing like cleaning a public men's bathroom to really destroy your faith in humanity.)

"Oh I bet you are collecting a lot of sermon material” Um, no. Not so much. Not much material in sorting pens. A couple of funny stories to tell at dinner about stupid rude angry customers, perhaps, but a sermon? Nope.

And the line that really annoys me the most... "Oh I think it is good for us [sic] to do work like this every once in a while so we [sic] can see how real people live.

Okay let me rant about this ridicules statement for a while. WE??? Someone with a call says to ME, on leave from call making 8.25 an hour says how good this is for US??? And secondly...I grew up poor with a single mother. I know how real people live; probably a lot better than the pastor telling me how good it is for "us" to have this experience. I did farm work, cutting asparagus in the early morning before going to school when I was 14 years old. I worked my way through college and seminary doing everything from cleaning houses, waitressing, and receptionist and was even a church secretary. My husband and I raised our kids on my far less than synod guidelines salary alone because we didn't want daycare workers raising our children. I know how "real people" live, thank you very much. I was very grateful to get the Staples job because it was a lot easier and more interesting than a lot of other jobs I could have had and it helped me pay my bills during my "down time" but no it was not a lark or Sabbatical to learn how the other half lives and it was really really difficult for me to keep temper when anyone said that to me.

This is what people said to me that I did appreciate. "Joelle I know you have a lot more to offer the church and I am praying that you will get that opportunity soon". I did have a lot of people praying for me and that meant and means a lot. I know many of you who are reading this were praying and I thank you for that.

All of this is not to say that I regret this past summer because I don't. It’s one of those experiences I would not care to relive or repeat but I a glad I had it. I especially appreciate it now that it is over. I have been called and begun to serve the Northeastern Iowa Synod as Director or Evangelical Mission. And I am very excited about the position. It's an odd position in that I am actually paid by the ELCA and am considered deployed staff but I work for and answer to my synod bishop. Our synod is doing a lot of cutting edge stuff. We have a great staff that I could not be more tickled to be part of. I am going to have to stop saying shit and damn and hell and pissed off. And forgitabout the f word. So I could still use some prayers in that transition.

So stay tuned as the adventure continues.

Friday Five - Healing Edition

I haven't done a RevGalBlogPals Friday Five for awhile but they are doing a Healing Space Edition today.  Besides waking up this morning to news of a manhunt, international terrorists on a killing spree, a shootout and a city on lockdown, I have a bit of stress going on in my own life so a Heaing Space is a good thing to think about.  So five healing things:

1. A piece of music

I love the hymn "How Can I Keep from Singing?"  Enya's version sounds very healing to me today



2.  A Place

I just look out the window to the bird feeders and watch them, along with the antics of the squirrels, skunk and woodchuck that come by for their share, to be very healing.

3. A favorite food (they call it "comfort food" for a reason)

I always make ham stock from the Easter ham and the other day I made gumbo.  Gumbo requires a dark roux and a dark roux requires your constant attention for about 10 to 15 minutes.  Just stirring and attending to the roux, watching it turn that rich Carmel color can be very healing.

4. A recreational pastime (that you watch or participate in)

I don't live anywhere near a skating rink but I need to get my skates out and drive to one.  Soon.

5. A poem, Scripture passage or other literature that speaks to comfort you.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
 Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9

 BONUS: People, animals, friends, family - share a picture of one or many of these who warm your heart.

Sweety - the cat that I took in because I thought was pregnant
, was not pregnant but has turned into a very sweet affectionate cat.

 

This is Tommy my oldest cat.  Probably close to 20 years old, his tongue is hanging out because he only has two teeth left.  He is skin and bones and not long for this world.  I think he knows it and is very affectionate, saying his goodbye. He wants to tell me everything is going to be okay.  I believe him.

The Days Facebook Went Red

I used to have two facebook accounts, one for church and one for me.  It was a way for me to maintain boundaries.  I was not being dishonest or not real, I was myself in both and had many friends who were on both.  It’s just there’s something you talk about in church, and some things you talk about with your friends.

Recently I decided it was too much time and work to go on both and I was missing relationships with everyone so I switched as many people as would come over to just one.  And I learned to make lists for who would see what posts.  I have my crazy liberal list.  And my parish list.  And my no politics list.  I am kind of outspoken and like to talk about things but I don’t want to alienate people in the parish who don’t share my views.  I have facebook friends I have pretty much hidden because their political posts annoy me and I did not want to be *that* person to others.

Then came the day everyone was changing their profile picture to a red equal sign in support of marriage equality as the Supreme Court took up the California Prop 8 and DOMA .  And I had to make a decision. 

When you change your profile picture everyone sees it.  And I knew not everyone in my parish would not appreciate it.  But this is the thing.  When my former parish was all up in arms about the ELCA Churchwide decision to allow those in same sex relationships to rostered leadership I took what I thought was a measured and “neutral” position.  I did put forth the argument for full inclusion and acceptance of LGBT people but did not necessarily advocate for it.  I talked mostly about the importance of our unity being in Christ, not our position on this issue.  And I still suffered and lost my job.  Neutrality didn’t help anyone.   I might as well have been more outspoken for all the good being neutral did me.

I have a lot of unchurched friends on facebook, many of whom have had bad experiences with the church when it comes to being judgmental.  And I decided that it was more important that they see a Lutheran Pastor advocate for  rights for all people, than worry about offending some church members who think their pastor must agree with them.    So I went red, along with most of my facebook newsfeed.

Funny the only pushback I got was from my young Wisconsin Synod great-great niece.  I still used my lists because I didn’t think it was necessary to be in your face about it.  I made my stand known. 

 

Did going red influence the Supreme Court?  No.  Is it enough to change your profile picture or posts memes to work for justice?  No, of course not.  But sometimes a red profile can mean a lot to people.  It did this week.  And I’m glad I went red for couple of days.

Friday Five - More Randomness

 

So the RevGalBlogPals are into Spontaneous Thinking today...  In honer of that I offer a randam picture of a Goldfinch in a tree right outside my window.  I took it with a new camera I bought for myself because I was not happy with the zoom on my other cheaper one.  I keep an envelope stuffed with cash that people give me for gifts and save up until I want something for myself.  I thought this was a good use of that cash.  How is that for a random thought?
So...
1.  What religion/faith besides yours captures your curiosity and why?  Both Quakers and Roman Catholicism.  I know, they are totally opposite right?  That's probably why. I like Roman Catholic stuff in worship way too much to ever be a Quaker but I am appreciate their simplicity idea of just shutting up until the Spirit speaks and listening to other people speak.  I don't think I could ever do that which is why I think it's important. 
And sometimes I think the Roman Catholic church is really the one true church.  Just really screwed up. 

2.  What is the first or most memorable pop song you ever learned as a kid?

I remember watching the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show the first time.  And we all went to school the next day singing "She loves you YEA YEA YEA"

3.  If God were a color.....(finish this sentence creatively) Not a color - the RAINBOW.  Of course.

4.  If you were going to make a sandwich right now for lunch, and you magically had all the items you need for it, what would that sandwich be?

 Grilled fresh Sourdough bread from San Francisco,  smoked extra sharp ceddar cheese, applewood smoked bacon and thinly sliced honey crisp apple.

5.  How are you doing?  Really, how are you? Really?  Well I had a rough night last night as I suffer from acid reflex and I seemed to suffer all the ways you can from it last night.  Not just heartburn but nausea , coughing, burning throat.  Okay, well you DID ask! (And don't bother commenting all the things in my diet I need to give up--I won't do I tell you!)

But the good thing was as I was walking around (lying down makes it worse) I looked out my window where their is a light and saw my woodchuck wandering around looking for trouble.  He didn't seem to find any as my flowers were all intact this morning.

Bonus:  What are you enjoying/loving right now? 

Having always had a lot of cats and letting them roam pretty free (no comments about THAT either) I never felt like I should have a bird feeder.  My cats are all elderly and we live in open country now so they only go out with supervision now so I put out a finch feeder with thistle right out side my window.  It did not take long before I had goldfinches and house finches.  In an attempt to attract different birds I've put out sunflower seeds and grape jelly on my picnic table.  All that attracted was more finches but they are delightful to watch.  They are very busy.  I know there are blue jays and cardinals I see once in a while but they don't care to come.  But I'm happy with the finches.

  

And I'm taking off for the Synod Assembly and am expecting it to actually be an enjoyable experience.  And I'm convening the hearings for the Social Statement on Criminal Justice   It's been very stressful trying to decide what to wear.