yesterday was the big day.

pain block shot.



needle close to the spine.



i was not a fan of her doing this.
especially with her gradual improvement.


she's been a huge fan of it.
not concerned in the slightest.

tried not to rain on that parade.



went fine.


supposed to kick in gradually, over the next few days.



she woke up yesterday feeling markedly better than ever.

'Halloween' can't be killed: It's already the biggest film in the franchise's history

took her shopping.

still have to only wait in the car now.

pretty sweet.



haven't been doing anything with my alonetime there.
just flippin through my bball book.

started getting a little too freaked about my notewriting.
having my thoughts all out and about, on paper.

i don't keep track of things too good anymore.


not sure where those post notes i've written out are now.



bro coming over tonight.

at first i was irritated.

a little bit of a heads up, but not much.




good timing, i suppose.

two good games on, that he wants to watch.

should be fun.



get it out of the way.

took her to get the remote for her bedroom tv replaced.


been dead for awhile.
she's been watching stuff on her tablet at night instead.



thought i had more to say.


she had switched remotes with him.

came back, hurried up and set up the new one while he was making breakfast.



had a day off of no driving around.
that was nice.

probably forgetting something.


i do have opuses.
or possible opuses.
opi?





egh, i don't think they'd be that long.


still, maybe profoundly uninteresting.



sitcoms.

slasher movies.

more in depth bball analyzing.


i.e. topics near and dear to everyone's hearts.




could end up 0-4 tonight.
their best opportunity for an early win so far.

vs. a team not expected to challenge for the playoffs, by most prognosticators.

much better than they have been, however.
got the #1 draft pick.
some decent free agents.

will be on their home floor.



think they'll win because of everyone getting histrionic already.


lose this one and it will reach a whole other level.

oh boy.


took her to pick up her new glasses yesterday.

i was horrified.



they're such... old lady glasses.


the ones she had previous, they were kind of modern looking.
stylish.

these...

these big assed oval things.

old lady frames on top of it, don't know how the hell to describe it.
like something you'd find in a bathroom.

holy crap.


such, such, such the old ladywear.




couldn't compliment them.

luckily she didn't ask me my opinion.


offered it up a few minutes ago.


 
she asked me to put in light bulbs in the bathroom.
was looking at herself in the mirror.

"i don't know... something about these glasses i don't like..." she says into it.
"do they make me look beady-eyed?"


uhhhhhhhh
trying to hold my tongue...

must be written all over my face.

it is.

"what?"


told her how much i hate them.


try to tiptoe around it.

how the other ones were more modern, and...

wasn't too far down that winding road that i ended up just blurting out how i hate them.
that they're such old lady glasses.


didn't say it mean.
smiley.
laughy even.

cause after all, it's only glasses, right.


so many levels to it.

superficial motherfucker.
yet so not superficial motherfucker at all.


and a whole lot of money already sunk into the construction of her new face.




she looked so hurt.

hanging out with bro on friday was enjoyable.

halloween movie marathon on.

flipped between that and bball.




that last ditty from the eldest, that's from the original halloween soundtrack.

posted today. 


got some sort of psychic link goin on with em.

all their stuff i post, they're almost always piping fresh published videos.

so often timely like that.


probably just big halloween fans.




had to get the paper on the driveway this morning.
she had forgot, was jesusing online.


some dude at the end of the next door neighbor's adjacent driveway, just sitting in his truck.

kick ass fight club shit! 

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

looks like the old man is going to do it.

A Very Happy ‘Halloween’: Record $75M+ Opening In Store For John Carpenter Franchise & Blumhouse Production

sorry about all the posting.  busy week.



lakers kick off their season tonight.


against your team.





haven't been following too close.


i found out about their first two exhibition games after the fact.


wanted to do a big ol' post on them.




can't hate having lebron here.

he wants to play for your team, not like you can say no.


laker exceptionalism lives.


doesn't really appear there's a great reason he chose us.
basketball wise.

he old.
he should win now.
this roster is still mostly ridiculously young.

by the time they're ready, he'll be declining.

i don't know.
these kids, they're pretty damn cool.

next year or bust.

or they'll be trading away a bunch of the rest of the young'uns.



i should be a huge fan of this team, really.
because it's pretty fucking weird.


hurts losing some of my most prized kids.
but a bunch have survived.


signed a bunch of other weathered old vets.
questionable signings.
maybe as questionable as magic's old twitter opinions.

maybe not.


the logical thinking has always been to surround lebron with shooters.
let him destroy in the paint.
if they collapse to help, boom.

cavs had one hell of an offense at least.


magic's new thinking does sound like it makes sense.
that you aren't going to beat the greatest shooting team of all time by outshooting them.

so they're trying to be better than them at other aspects where they aren't so dominant.


w/ defense.
although most of these new signees reputations might not match up with what they can do now.
then again that might be due to they're so old they might be bored with the regular season, and/or conserving themselves for the playoffs.

w/intelligence and passing.

lebron's known as a brilliant basketball mind.
the new a-hole point guard, also has that rep, maybe even a little more of it in that respect.
to play along with/mentor the offensive genius point guard they drafted last year.

all known to be ridiculously good passers.


a team created in their head honcho's image.


it's difficult to really gauge how successful it could be.

since i haven't gotten too far in recreating the wondrous 16-17 season in my sim, i'm tempted to just do this season instead.




last year they won 35 games.

i predicted they'd win 35-40.
did say that i wouldn't be all that surprised if they exceeded that by a bunch.

ended up having key players miss significant time.


this year i figured around 48.
before vegas and other places chose that too even.


probably have a bad start in all likelihood, because so many new guys.
maybe playing like a 55 win team by the end of the season.
if the stickman makes another leap, particularly on the defensive end like he's shown at times...


still hard to see.



Julius Randle Scores 25 Off Bench in Pelicans Debut
Randle recorded 25 points (9-15 FG, 2-4 3Pt, 5-6 FT), eight rebounds, and three assists in only 24 minutes during Wednesday's 131-112 win on the road over the Houston Rockets

big dodger playoff day yesterday.

so pumped, eatin his breakfast crazy early.
8 am and shit.

tunatime around lunchtime.

kinda nice, getting that out of the way.


he was doing good for a little bit.
maybe the first hour.

stone cold passed out for the five.

------------------------------------------------


wanted me to take dinner to the outdoor oven to cook.

grr


tired of this summer backyard pilgrimaging.
having to walk around the house.
now a constant goddamn neighbor threat.

got to clean that oven out of all the melted tupperware though.
wish she had made that one of her glorious goals yesterday.

we didn't go anywhere, a stay at home day.
so.
must work, work, work.
feel productive.

looked like she effed herself up more when she was ready to sit down.


i was a little pissy, because i didn't expect it.
and i had already taken some tomatoes out there to roast.
mm, even more summer pilgrimaging.

go to bring those in.

open the side door, next door neighbor's engine warming up

jesus
christ

let the record show, these aren't anywhere near the same times that i'm running into him.

and while this was part of dinner... this intersection took place at like 3:15 or something.
12, 5, 2...



waiting for him to pull out and leave...
avoid that awkward i don't know you neighbor moment.
think that's pretty normal.
plus she's talked to them too, so...

he never does.

finally say fuck it
so tired of pilgrimaging to the backyard to cook things.
having to walk around to risk neighbor grabassing
because he can't open the back.

brisk walk back over to the side door and in.
his car staying still.

heard it come down the driveway the very next minute.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

pilgrimage #2... ahh.

almost set the oven to 300 degrees.
went back in and checked with her.
400.
70 minutes.


getting better at remembering those kinds of details.
probably cause they're like, important.

repilgrimage...

good exercise, at least.


come back out to fetch it an hour later.


the chicken was in one of those aluminum disposable pans.

she always tells me to make sure to hold them from the bottom, because they're not the most solidly constructed things.

so i go to slip my hands underneath better.


the bottom had these outward dents going on.
i guess from the chicken.

when i put my hands underneath more, that corrected them.

there was a shitton of juice in there.
a lot more than i expected.



when the dents popped back into place, a huge amount of chicken juice flew out.
right onto me.

scalding me.



OH FUCK



fresh from the oven
400 degrees

shirt bathed in the grease.



drop it

run into the house


are you supposed to put water on it????????????????

thought i heard that might be bad



ask for her help

dammit



get over the shock of it right after.
it doesn't feel too bad.
maybe that's a bad sign...

either way, go back out and get the chicken off the ground.
it had landed fine.


i think everything's all good
shirt protected me right???
yeah
it's nothing


go into the sink put water on it

doesn't look bad...

i don't know, i've burnt myself good before, if it's not crazy bad i think it's hard to tell at first

start to look like it might blister...

i know that's supposed to be bad


she's there

concerned, but

"take that shirt off, that stain looks awful..."


what


i was pretty freaked out.
not crazy worried about the burn...
per se.

way more about what i might need to do to deal with said burn

same damn question in the air again...

is this it


AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT MY FUCKING SHIRT????


what the hell??

now THAT sounds like the person i used to know, growing up


i was already pissed off.
slamming the side door shut with my foot when i went to bring the chicken back...

THESE STUPID FUCKING UNNECESSARY SUMMER PILGRIMAGES TO SAVE THE GREAT BALDNESS SECRET


try and calm down

ready to go to war

calm down you idiot

this is nothing

probably reacting that way because it's fucking nothing



change the shirt.

bacteria thing too, i guess?


she keeps wanting to see, so



half hour later start feeling that real good sting of a solid burn..........

crap



nope.

it wasn't much of anything.


way less than when i accidentally backed up my calf onto  ahot coal holder or whatever.
that thing didn't go away for a year.

thought this'd be way worse, bathing in a good dose of 400 degree boiling liquid, straight from the oven.

nope.


shirt protected me, i guess.



only a slight little stingy red mark.

tire oddessey part 2


stood there, fuming.
taking in the brakerape.


should've figured this was coming a lot more than i did.
they do offer a hell of a lot more services other than tire grabassing.

i was focused on stuff like coolant levels, or them telling her the pressure on the other tires were too low.


and no, it sure doesn't sound like a ripoff.
those brakes have been on there for an eternity.

had to make a real hard stop at a light before, when carting her around after her other surgeries.
didn't feel too strong.
and was grindy as fuck.

yeah, down to the rotors.

"didn't you hear the squeaking?"

nope, no we didn't...

and i was often on the listenout for it, wondering when the hell it was.



kind of a perfect time to get them done, really.
get as much in one fell swoop fixied as much as possible.

had offered to show us how worn down they were, right away.



she says alright.

absolutely no big deal.



he walks off.
without us asking him how much longer it'd be.

pretty sure another hour or so...

------------------------------------------------------

in front of their flatscreen, chatting away.

one of the local morning shows on.
at the stadium, cause of the playoffs.

interviewing the mayor on the field...

oh boy

not too bad.


"these morning shows, my god the hosts are so stupid... and they're mostly minorities..."


jesus christ



don't you have like, a public fucking filter?

it's like if i ran around yelling "ARCHERS OF LOAF RULES!" or something.

yeah, ok...
no one around here gives a shit or is in your corner.

egh.
that isn't nearly enough of a controversial statement to be compatible.
of course they rule.



i mean, we got these gottdam minorities hovering around us here.

the people working there.
another two chicks having their cars grabassed with.

and she is quite the opposite of a low talker.

what the hell does beligerently broadcasting your delightful views accomplish?


might have the order of things messed up here as to when she got hit up for the brakeage.



i believe they weren't around too close when she said it, but still.
let's dial it down.
to zero.


up next alyssa milano's soliloquy hashtag me too...

oh god


still so loud


earlier, it wasn't so bad.
a story on that senator chick who's trying to come off all injun.

said trump called her pocahontas.
heh.

[just read his tweet and a little article on it, of course it didn't come across funny there]



reception guy comes over again.
asks if there's anything else we want to watch.

hm

"FOX..." she immediately pipes up.


well
at least she proudly stands up for her beliefs, i guess.


so free.
so gloriously right.



he tells her the tv's already on fox.

it was the major tele network, not the news station.


sure didn't look like he was playing dumb.
yep, just not caught up at all in it.


they didn't have cable, thank the lord.

---------------------------------------------------------

finally ready.

egh.
it was only two hours.

pretty fantastic.


she got into an even better mood about the bill.
was two $200+ jobs.

she had thought it was going to be around $1000.

i'd blame the low talking myself.



off to grocery shop.
mission accomplished.


told her thanks for taking it so well.
and doing things right.

no problem, with her enjoying that dream too.

and so the great tire crisis of 2018 ends.



almost got into an accident.

she thought i knew the way to that store by now.
had to get in the left turn lane real quick.

cut someone off.

looked real close in the rearview.

objects in the mirror look closer than they appear?



she bought me celebratory lard.

so we head off.


was gonna tell father we were going shopping.
but that felt odd, since we never head out this early for that.

told her to tell him we had to go back to get another test done on you, then were going shopping afterwards.

if it takes as long as all THAT would take, then we could say there was some weirdo holdup there.
so coming home groceryless
the last questionable tire ride a success.

made it.


she made it even easier too.
had wanted to go to a big tire chain.
their shop closed in town.

recall when her last tire died, i had to do it myself, finding that tidbit out.
had to go down a long street out of my sphere to get to the next closest one still available in that chain.
remember it being so stressing.

egh, it was all such a spontaneous grabass.
and also a surprise he was having me do it alone.


if she wanted to go to that one it didn't seem that bad at all.
maybe because i had a navigator.
and the almighty google to get a view of it on the street.

and such a non-surprise, weeks to gather the strength foray.



she hadn't wanted to go to the place that bro went to.
in the end she changed her mind.

because she went online and saw that one was the only one in town.


so in my sphere it's ridiculous.
right by the post office.

off a freakin teeny side street.

couldn't be easier.


still looked at the street view on the pewter a couple times.

--------------------------------------------------

get there right when they open.
not crowded at all.


the guy working the desk, a real low talker.
the lowest of talkers?
jesus christ...

i mean, when looking for someone to handle reception duties...
egh, looked like that was only part of his deal.


quoted cost didn't sound too bad.
$240 or so?
hell, he could've said 240 grand and we might've agreed to it.


thought it cost bro more...

hundred for each tire, plus labor...
plus a johnson rod alignment...

that somehow fit in too.


she had thought it was going to be about that, when we went up.

i had told her probably way more.


--------------------------------------------------------------


asks if i had breakfast.
no, forgot.

says we should go get something.

nonono

let's try to keep costs down here...


settle in, in some of the stray chairs, in front of a flatscreen.
couple other people sitting behind us.

it was so busy when me and bro came, we just hung out outside.
glad there's at least a little bit of a diversion, i suppose.
even with bro conversating for that long got difficult at times.

this does look like it will be a whole lot quicker..


her car gets taken in right away.

oohlala



get to yammering.
not too concerned.

feels like we've been doing a hella lot of it, nothing's come up.
with her handicapped, and father looking more and more wtf every day...
sure seems like a safe space.


thank her for doing this.
wanting to do it right.

we have had so many freakin tire blowouts to deal with.
10?
maybe more?


he always wanted to push them as far as they could absolutely go.


hers are six and a half years old.
still got good tread on them.
but yeah, they're cracked pretty good now.
not too far away from being an exploding threat.


the cracking and the age might've been enough for him to want to buy new.
with his whole new era of elderly slacking that he's entered into however...
i doubt it.

her attitude is fantastic about it.
she knows.
she's had a bunch die on her too,.


says the taxes were due.

they had fought about it while they were away.
he knew.
absolutely zilch done.

she knows too, so i don't feel the need to police.

besides, as the police, i am trying to gather evidence here.


says she's up at night sometimes worrying about it.

i'm sure he's not the first old man to start becoming incompetent in that area.

hmm, but The Man sure can be ruthless when it comes to that...


they usually get a refund, so.
think she said they split two grand each??
that sure would be nice...

hmm, maybe she isn't too crazy thrifty as she looks..


not long after she's got a big reveal.
that every few months...
... he gives her $900.

whut

that's like finding out he was a porn star or something.


says he must feel bad about the grocery bills, her paying for all that.
so.. yeah.

wow.


wait... is she sure this isn't her OWN money he's giving her?
she had told him with nuclear force she wanted a monthly chip off of the grandfolk's stock pile she inherited.

...she woudn't forget about that, would she?

because she didn't have enough from her social security to cover all the food bills and have anything left over.


superlow talking receptionist guy comes back out, over to chat with us.

wow, ready already?


no.


says the front brakes are real bad.
down to about 5% left.

want a bigger bill?


grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The Big Day.


don't think tires had much to do with my not sleeping.

maybe at first.



realize that i can't hear the front tv.

around the market opening, around 3am.

...

not sure how frequent that is.
i think i sleep through the night most of the time now.
well, i'm not up that early anymore at least.


so much colder tonight.

pretty sure that's what woke me.
isn't HE cold??




i turned down the heater during freedomweek.
was kicking in at night because the house got so much cooler.
or at least the front did.

...why hasn't he turned it back on???


he does walk around in a jacket...
but all he has is just an afghan.
...which he puts around his legs like a grandma when sitting a lot of the time.
... during spring.

total silence.

HOW IS HE NOT COLD???


swirling again...

is today the day??


kind of would make sense
with the tire appointment and all

i don't think they charge anything for canceling, but...

maybe he was dozing at the table because he was up cold last night too.


constantly dozing.

spiral getting worse and worse, most definitely.


no other bills given to me to mail in a long while.
that red stamped electric bill the only one i've seen him deal with.

i figured maybe he had to phone in the rest too.
very likely, i thought.
since they were kind of botched together.


nothing new written on the calendar.
well, one.
from weeks ago i believe.
still a ways off.

 still writing his breakfast times on there though.
every day.


feeling so impending.


he's sleeping even more, like all the time now, it seems.
transitioning.

looks like i'm going to be right.


hours pass...
WHY AM I NOT HEARING ANYTHING??



if not today, it's coming.


feels a lot different, now that it's here.


the reasons i did figure that it wouldn't be so wonderful, amplifying like crazy.


yeah, she'll get another heap o' money.
in theory.
in quasi-questionable theory.

but his pension will be no more.
or his social security.

$2400 a month.


that's a lot of nice little income.
which she won't have anymore.

but will now have to cover ALL the bills.
on top of groceries.


or his sweet medical plan.
poof.


that eeeeevil lib medicare will pay for a lot.
but not there will be big chunks left.


oh i'll have more creative time alone??


i'm still her handicapped cheuffeurr.

who knows how long this will keep up.


because she was foolish enough to exercise.




and when not out and about together...
we can enjoy the joys of home renovation together as well.

her big dream, once he's gone.

hell of a lot to renovate.

non-stop joy



and i'll take over as the man.


pretty sure things will be more harmonious around here.
smarter.
wiser.

not completely sure.


he does have his strengths.
which are my biggest weaknesses.


wondering which ways he excels in are ones that will be really difficult for me to deal with.


don't see too many these days.


i'm sure there's something.




cleaning up his turd on the way there maybe

going from 0% intimacy to 1000% in the blink of an eye.

will there be a script for that.


WHY IS THE TV NOT ON?????????/////////



hear his alarm ring.

hmm, just a few minutes before mine goes off...

why the hell don't i ever hear it??


fan jet engines, i suppose.



hear it get shut off.





getting up didn't help as much as it did yesterday.

guess because i'm minutes away from being the tire rep.


one last ride...

if it's more car time you want...


her eye doc appointment was at 1:25.
wanted to leave at noon.

came down to about noon thirty.

not sure where it was at, so it wasn't so crazy.


not too difficult to find.


a little bit of tunastress.
don't think she told him about her appointment.
and i certainly didn't want to have that conversation with him.

said she was going to be picking out frames after her test.


between the early arrival, that, and the high likelihood the doc would be running at leeast a little late...

thought i was going to be in the car for like three hours.



sun was annoyin.
getting hot again.
tree not hairy enough to provide coverage.

wasn't really feeling it.

wrote a few notes for this.
read my book a little.
actually fell asleep for awhile.


a mother quasi-verbally abusing her kid in a van not long after.
i feel kind of histrionic lib for saying that.

i don't know.

trying to change her other baby's diaper.
which had what sounded to me like a weird ass cry.

might've actually made the other kid do it.
not sure.


asked the older kid to close all the doors to the van.
kid forgot or something.

i forget what she yelled at her.
thought i would remember.
think she said what are you, fucking stupid?

didn't think it was too bad


hey, she was stressed out to all hell, sounded like.
trying to hurry up and change the kid before her own appointment.


fumes wafting over.
all i could smell was baby wipes, really.


heh
seemed funny to me, that i would still know that smell.


so glad i'm not dealing with any of that, at least.

hm


only turned out to be an hour and a half, i think.

-----------------------------------------------------------------



she asked me to go out and take in the weather sensor she had in a tree.
giving shitty readings, thought the batteries were dead.

open the side door, next door neighbor's engine running.

about to come down the driveway.


dodged him in the nick of time.


father was finishing up his breakfast when we came back, so no tunastress manifested.

at least not yet.

he's in the bathroom now.



when i was watering and pumping, saw him still sitting at the dinner table.
only could see his arm on my way out.

thought he was shunning baseball playoffs because he had to make out more emergency bills..

nope.


asleep.



head down, catching some z's.

mm, special monday morning wakeup horrendousnesses.


being all anxious is such the great wakeup juice.

think it might be the only reason it's easier for you, really.



last day...
get through this final lap, and a golden tire awaits at the finish line.


a double doody day, of course.


8am early morning x ray.

new glasses appointment in the afternoon.



swirling in the dark stronger than usual.

is the tire going to be the usual when i check it today?
or down to nothing again?

shit, prep time is gonna be tight.
better hurry up and get out of the bathroom to set aside enough solitary pumping time.


remember my own political soliloquy here.
no, that wasn't what i was working on in the car.

didn't think it was too bad at the time.
seems a whole of a lot worse.

mm, getting those knives to sharpen even more...



phone charging!

jump up and out.
forgot.

if it dead i might have to go in with her instead of getting a call pickup.


the battery meter said it was way full yesterday.
but that think lies so hard these days.
battery still goes strong for a good long time, but suddenly the bottom drops out of it.
goes from full to near empty in one big whoosh.


search for it on the shelf where i keep it...
not there.

by my bed.
oh yeah.

shit, i had left it on too.


how the hell did that happen??

think i was checking for tire callback messages when i got interrupted.


same formula as it used to be back then.
bathroom up.
it performs its usual magic.

everything appearing so much better.


even better now really.
the odds are so much lower.

so thanky and loving what is still going so right.

------------------------------------------------------

hurry out, check the tire.
28.

yep, just like usual...
not hemorrahging air in the slightest.


...what the hell happened saturday night?

whatever, it's back to being a stable leak don't overthink it.


pep in my step practically, squeegeein the car.
total 180.
the good tire news, i guess.


we head off.



forgot the reason we're going to get the x ray so early.
nobody there.

wasn't too crazy necessary to get all concerned about the cellphone.

bad tire was definitely another good reason to, it seems.


unload her.
alone, alone, alone.


just wrote notes for this.
figured she would be pretty quick.

quicker than i thought.


she knocks on the window.
in mid-write.

AGHH




doesn't inquire.


"it really does pay to come early, they took me right away..." she says.

started thinking maybe i should fight to come at busier times.

tire down to 10 psi this morning.


was pretty damn sure i pumped it up after coming back from the lord...


hadn't done a full pumping session in the morning, halved it.
cause of the rain.
and the gauge had said it was still at around 30.
[i overshoot by a few pounds each time]


pumped it back up alllllllll the way.
checked about a half hour later.

still holding air good.

might have to include a third pumping session per day, i suppose.

agh doesn't have to last much longer...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

another painful sunday morning, sniff sniff.
early shopping, cause she canceled yesterday, cause of said rain.
was afraid of falling.

grr

she had said we'd just go to the store right by us.

somewhat irked that it wasn't that one.

egh, no big difference, really.



before we leave, have to deal with her... uh.

says we're going to go to that close-by store as well.
for milk.
cause the other store, it goes bad before the expiration date.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


probably my 2nd biggest urge to strangle trigger.
right behind her ultra-dubious fan jet engine science in action to cool down rooms.

hmm, why does their milk go sour faster?
couldn't be that it has to go three times the journey in the thousand degree heat of the summer, perhaps?

confront her with this.

"i put it in the heat resistant bags..." she so confidently defends.

i'm sure those are kryptonite to a 130 degree car trunk.

encrypted milk.



ny disputing doesn't do shit.

sigh

FINE...


when i was doing the shopping with her during her surgeries, i got her to buy from that suspicious market.
still was spring, hadn't heated up yet.
she was surprised when it lasted just fine.

i think she would even stop by the nearby market, after buying milk along with other stuff at the flagged market, and LEAVE THAT SHIT IN THE TRUNK IN THE HOT HEAT O' SUMMER WHILE SHE MADE A SECOND SHOPPING STOP.

whatever.

just another ten/fifteen minutes.

short little dose of water torture.

shopper torture.


have to wait to leave.
she had forgotten about father.
aka him needing someone to engineer toast for his sunday eggs.

jesus christ


finally get on the road.

pass the abortion clinic.
jesusers outside protesting.

OH FOR CRYING OUT FUCKING LOUD


more pissy insane programmed zealotry soliloquys.


can't take it

you better  you better...


know how it looks too.
like i'm the standard issue fucking lib.
just fucking airbrush anything that gets in the way of a new aged self involved, monkey fucking good time.


you don't have to be a holy roller to be against it.

in fucking theory, at least.



i wouldn't say i am.

i think a huge part of me's first reaction would be to kill it with fire.

i soaked in a good amount of lib too, so yeah, that seemed like a totally fine  decision to come to.



but i can see the argument still being able to be made.
without the lord as a key reason.


on the grounds of potentiality.

maybe a basic humanity.


judging from the reactions of those i knew who had it done, maybe there is a very basic wrongness that everyone tries to gloss over, because of the enormous, life altering inconvenience it holds.

and yeah, that sure isn't anything to gloss over either.


maybe sweet metallic children don't grow on fucking trees.



somewhat with her or not, i really didn't want to hear another party platform programmed incensed soliloquy on the subject.


 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

get to sit in the parking lot, at least.

didn't bring my book.
which also serves as a great writing pad.

did bring a few little notepad sheets.
just wrote thoughts for this.


check the coolant level.
looked low yesterday during jesus, when i checked the oil.
tire place may want to do more.

yay, yep, way better when you check right after you shut the engine off.


wanted to check the tire too, but i always imagine i look like a criminal, so.


no special milk trip.
not because she relented.

has that shitty artifical milk or whatever at home as a backup.

egh, whatever, sound good.

just want to get back to sunday.


pass the clinic again on the way back.

the movie she saw on friday, coinkydentally, was about abortion too.

some slob abortion doctor or something.


cat poop all over.

very late term stuff.

"they had photos of the babies... ohh my if you would've see them..."


she doesn't go to heavily on the recruiting, as much as it probably sounds.
sounds like she thinks i'm on her side.
or maybe indifferent.

which might be about right.


either way it sure sounded like it represents the other side super well.

yeah, that's sarcasm.

cat shit n' coat hangers, yep yep.

-------------------------------------------------------

egh, the road back to sunday still was jammed up to all hell.


she finally got a little more intense about the homeless jeans.
kind of close to an ultimatum about changing them.

egh, they are horrendous.


that takes awhile to pull off when we got back.

couldn't find the right sized gifted jean.
one right sized jean that i chose and trialed ended up having a goddamn rip in the knee, with all the stickers and tags still on it somehow.

transfer all the stuff out of the pockets.


make the tire appointment.
online.
early tuesday.

in the description of the problem, they give you a letter limit.
which added another layer of ugh, on top of trying to explain the deal completely, yet succinctly.
took like another half hour.


and the new irritating wrinkle, waiting around for tunatime.
c'mon...........
don't want to get started into anything when you're going to be yanked right out and such.



not long after had to help grabass with dinner.
didn't think i would have to.
she's been doing most of the prep herself this time still.


cooking a meatloaf in the oven.
wanted to do it outside still.

thought it was more of her 130 degree summer heat mindset making no goddamn sense.
it was 70 and way overcast today.
the dream.

remembered, she said a few days ago there's still melted tupperware remnants in the kitchen oven we haven't scraped off yet, from putting them in there to dry/store after a dishwashing, and forgetting they were  in there when the oven needed to be turned on and preheated for something.

got to walk around the house, instead of going directly through the back door, because of the baldness.

put in charge of checking to see if the outdoor oven would shut off, as if often does, for some reason.


had wanted to write this and get it out of the damn way to enjoy the rest of the night.


had an anurysm when i thought the still cooking outdoors thing was a fucking avoiding heat thing.

was tough to come back from, despite recalling the better reason.

in such a pissy mood.


despise honky meal prep.

surprise honky meal prep?



not as much as lawn caretaking, but it's up there.

another rain dance chance last night.



watering day.

35% chance, the almighty weather report says.

one in three chance, of finally some precipitation decent.
two out of three, zilch.


can't get fucking fined for playing the odds, right?


the Man's wording is imprecise.
something like,
"no watering 24 hours before or after significant rainfall..."

yeah, well what the hell should be considered significant?



could finally skip a night of this crap... maybe, maybe, maybe.


another tease.



down to fall restrictions now.
aka two-a-weeks.
instead of three.

instead of savoring a wednesday night off, i accidentally still went out and gave about half a dose.

so skipping ANOTHER watering day, at least for some lawn parts...
consecutive ones...
and not getting any help out from the sky...

that sounds like a recipe for a whole lot more brown.


and we can't have that, can we.


grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, i still have a tire to pump up out there...

might as well do the rest...



agh, fine!
let's do this!




 open the front door...
... hear the new next door neighbor's fucking car engine.
AGAIN

are
you
shittin
me



hold off on tirepumping.
hell, cause if i don't, they could hit me as they back out.

so that was another good reason.


ugh, it might rain soon...

might rain tomorrow morning...

i.e. might be pumpin in the rain.


only give the plants one jug.
didn't want to spend too much time close to the driveway.
avoid any kind of neighborly getting-to-know you meeting on the way out.

set up the sprinkler for the very late session.


at that point he still hadn't fucking left.
just running the damn motor for forever.
talking with somebody.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR


so i hurry up and do my pumping business.
i suppose it's what i deserve.

if there's a purgatory, i'll probably be doing a lot of this.



right when i'm finished with everything...
... the next door neighbor kills the car engine.


started raining right after i went inside.




keeps goin.

so i got to go back out and turn the hose timer off to cancel the last round.



i had been moving up my watering duties  about an hour, since it's getting dark and cooler earlier.

if i had waited until the usual time to do it, wouldn't have had to grabass at all.

well, if i had taken care of that damn tire.


even an hour or two before the forecast had still registered as a one in three chance.



the skywater kept coming and coming and coming.
light.
but constant.


woke up this morning,
STILL coming down.



went out to pump, pump, pump.

there were a couple more instances yesterday.
first one i forget.

second was... oh yeah, the night tire pump session.  duh.



new next door neighbor starting their car going down the driveway, right as i came out.

i had exited the side door.
 i.e. the one right next to them.

------------------------------------------------------------


tire pumped with a wet head from my shower this morning.
and a shittily tied tail of pony.


one of those days you don't get the whole thing in.
aka one big bunch o' hairs from flying around in a big thick visible rope as a huge unit, majestically in the breeze, from near my ear.
jesus christ.

the rest of it was just stuffed in the back of my shirt to let it dry for an hour or so.

yeah yeah

probably should've waited til i looked less ridiculous.
and given myself more of a once over.

well.
i did know about the shittily constructed tail, before going out there.


considering my lineage i should probably give myself a high five for not giving many craps, actually.



had heard him come to the bathroom door again.
i suppose it's a usual thing.
that i can only hear now because all the fan jet engines have been turned off.

no fans in the bathroom, but it is a bit surprising how much more you can pick up from other rooms where their operation has ceased.


wanted to get the tire pumping out of the way while he was in the back doing his business.




as i had set up said tire pump, neighbor next door to the house directly across the street, pulling out of his driveway.


finish with that, go to set up the hose and hose timer for tonight...

gardener for the other next door house to us [the one next to the lawn] besides us pulls up.



almost feels ridiculous that i'm fucking questioning it sometimes.



egh, there is logic that often presents itself.


their gardener always comes friday morning.
usually around that time.



their arrival does vary widely these days.
wasn't like i was stepping on scheduled-in-stone toes.


and hell, like so many of these encounters, just one more goddamn minute  and it wouldn't have happened.

so i sat there, mostly in relief.


how the fuck did i not feel anything when the cars hit?
or SEE anything?

not like i wasn't paying attention.

i'm pretty hyper aware.
especially behind the wheel.


obviously i'm getting to the point where my world is starting to show me the holes in this "reality"...

yeah, obviously...


yeah, still way hard to believe that kind of shit.



guess from where i was sitting i just couldn't feel the very, very slight impact.


and as far as voodoo implications, it wasn't like i was crazy overjoyed about living "The Dream".
i was kind of grating my teeth about it a bunch.
wondering if she was still going to want me to come in with her.
to at least sit and chat in the waiting room.


homeless jeans and all.



another suvlike monstrosity pulls up to park next to me.
on the other side.
chunky chick.
shiit, even without that tidbit, it looks too tight for her to get out and walk between us.

cringing

don't want to make a big deal out of it...
i could be wrong...

hey, let's wait and see if she smashes her door into mine.
or has to somehow turn herself into a flat board to slide through.


she gets out easy breezy.
walks out fine.
not very tight in the slightest.



i scoot over to get a better gander...
oh yeah, a good amount of space.

look down at the parking space lines...

there's actually MORE space on the other [driver's] side.
i.e. where the guy i allegedly hit was.

makes no sense dammit


egh, i can't remember if i recalibrated in the space before i shut the engine off.



two lady friends run into each other.
chat for awhile.
loudly.
i.e. right outside my car window practically.


sigh.


--------------------------------------------------------

took her shopping thursday morning.

finally broached the subject.


more painful now than i had figured.



yeah, dead tire revelation.
or at least how bad it really is.


yeah, there's a lot of tread on them.
but there are a lot of little cracks too.

looking closer, some of them don't seem so little anymore.

so she's going to need two new ones, probably.



no big thing to her.

new tires for everybody.


when i had broached it somewhat to her earlier, she had wanted to send father.
probably because she wanted him to pay for it.
he'll usually pay for auto problems.

i tell her why i don't want that.


that even if he's involved, he'll want to just patch them.
and that both cars already got sweet patches.
and that i have to go out every week and pump them up still.

that i had wanted to try and just get a patch from a reputable tire place, see if that went any better.
to only last a few more months.
till maybe bro could splurge and we could go put two new wheels on then, for mother's day again.


but that on closer inspection it looks like she's got some dry rot going on.
the cracks aren't TOO severe...
but a couple are getting there.
who knows, it might be why the tire is losing pressure.

if they give him the option, i know what he'll probably take.
we used to have so many goddamn tire blowouts when i was growing up.


better safe than sorry, right.
cause it's not the safest thing to cheapify that shit.


asked her if we could go before shopping friday.
yeah, today.

agreed.


--------------------------------------------------------------------

took her to get her hair did yesterday afternoon.


another glorious car wait session.


people hanging out in their damn cars, on either side of me.
didn't bother me too much.

hey, odds were enormous in my favor that they weren't going to be bothering me.

didn't do anything wondrous.
bball sim stuff.
kind of useless stuff, really, even for that.

but it was still pretty nice.

breeze blowin.




tire grabassing has been postponed.

sort of by me.
sort of not.


whichever tire place we choose, they ask for appointments.
when bro and me went, we didn't have one.
we were there a lonng time.
three hours?

she wanted to go grocery shopping too.
we were going to make it one big trip, as to provide a cover to not have to tell father what we were doing.

might not have time for both, if we don't have an appointment.

or if we DO try and do both, father might not have anyone around to engineer a sandwich for him.



postponed in other ways too.

went to exercise last night.
only to socialize, get out of the house.

when she came home, she said she was going to the movies with her friends today, in the afternoon.

had completely forgotten about the tire festivities.


yeah, i wanted to put it off too.
till next week.

seems like it's in pretty decent condition.

not getting worse.


and the worst is over, mostly.
she knows.
it's all decided.

it's all impending.
and he's not a part of it.


suddenly it turned into somewhat of a regular friday.

tire grabass, wiped off the table.

going to the movies with her friends, for a few hours.

wanted to go shopping early saturday morning instead.

grr


but today,... ahhhh

finally, a stay-the-fuck-home day.



if it had been a usual friday, i might've caught this comin through the boob tube.

so yeah.

appointment at noon.
so many sweet parking spaces, due to everybody going to lunch.


saw one i was going to commit to.
that she said to park in.

i see spaces with trees over them, so i opt for them.
while cooler, the sun can be annoying.
and it's still in the high 70s/low 80s, so.
it still would be kind of uncomfortable.


go to park.
there's this red truck, coming out of the space right next to me.


"you hit him!" she says.

sigh.
so histrionic.
she's a pretty nervous backseat driver.
not horrendous, but not bad.

but no, i didn't hit him.


so i thought.




driver stops his truck, jumps out.
fairly buffed, blocky guy.
"you hit me!"


what


going into the space... i didn't fucking feel anything.
and i'm pretty sure i saw the very left bumper clear everything ok.

i'm speechless.


HOLY SHIT


he starts examining for damages.


fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck


is this a shakedown??


he's huffy.
and of course the escalator starts poking him.

"well where are the damages, do you see any scratches?" she barks back.

back and forth they go, i don't remember exactly.

"LET'S GO WITH THE TRUTH LADY!"


not going well.

but i'm just so stunned i can't even try to change the course.


he doesn't find anything.


so even with the animosity rising...


he doesn't want to exchange information.



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


woah.

close call.


i did manage to get out an "i did?" or two before then.

apologize profusely.
tell him i really didn't feel or see anything. 


probably thought i was on something.
given my uniform.


jesus


------------------------------------------------------------

so she heads off.
and there i am, alone.

only thing i could pretty much do was take notes for this.


about a half hour in, i realize i didn't have my phone ringer on.
in case she feels she can't walk to the car, despite the sweet space.
i.e. to go pick her up at the loading dock.

see that she called.
half hour ago.


goddddammitttttttttt


call her back.


just wanting to know how i was.

worried about how i was taking it.


knowing how that kind of thing gets to me, she says.


about as fine as can be.
since it all got avoided.


whew


.
the goddamn 80 year old with all the awareness of helen keller makes it up to tahoe and back without a scrape, yet i can't even go a handful of miles without running into one.

doctor appointment day.
epic post of the adventure, of course.


was supposed to be next week, but the e.r. recommended a moveup.


no shower/change of clothes in my prep.
hey, it was only day 3 without one.
2 1/2, really.
i.e. no need to panic.


feels like a dangerous game.



think i gave more craps about lookin all nice n' warshed through all her surgery appointments and such.

i've got other issues i'm allocating my bathroom resources on.



grays are taking over.
not much longer and that will be much more noticeable.

bright sunlight, lots of together time...

it's already pretty out of control, but it appears growing it all longer and editing out all the wisdom still doesn't look ridiculous.

no comments yet anyway.


after she made comments about the holes in the 'stache part, i kept that longer.


i know i'm definitely not pitching a perfect game, in that respect.
i.e. some gray be showin.
but i think all in all it still looks slight.

not the elderly armada that's truly amassing under the surface.

just don't let it go crazy.

some patches underneathm  all crazy white.
more and more white, slowly propagating up to the very top...


hear him come to the bathroom door.
dammit

never does now, during my morning session.
a minor miracle..

of course today.

clock is busted in there...
i might be late, he often heads in around 8:15, after i'm usually done...


get out.
nope.
7:53.

oh well.



head outside for my morning tire pump workout.

neighbor across the street starts his car and heads down the driveway.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

hear her all ready to go, an hour and a half before her appointment.

had agreed on 11, an hour, appointment's at noon.
but she had wanted to go even earlier before...

shut off everything, get ready.

nope.

sit around and wait.


decide i should go outside and do a quick tire check, although at that point it was when we were supposed to depart.
egh, i can still fit it in...


open the door, new next door neighbor slowly coming down the driveway in his car from the garage, backing out into the street.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

getting all clean and fancified didn't appear to be all that necessary today, really.

she had told me that i could drop her off, then come back and pick her  up when she was done.


so i figured i wouldn't be going in with her.
just loitering around in the waiting room.

or


i thought i would try and live The Dream.

looked possible.


what is The Dream?



sitting alone in the car, by my damn self.
beautiful, beautiful quasi-privacy.

 one solid hour or so with no interruptions at all.

the weather, gloriously cooperating.
entering a new era.
supposed to only get up into the 70s today.
first time in a good long while for that.


took my bball book.
which she always laughs at.
so sophisticated.
and always the same book.


makes a great pad to write on too.

put a few pieces of paper in there.
a few notebook sized, a few notepad sized.

wasn't sure what i was going to do.
no preplanned agenda.

maybe just basketball sim crap.
maybe just freestyle.
remember when i did that before, really enjoying it.

christ, how long ago was that?

feels like years.


run it by her on the way...

yessss

alonetime confirmed.



the time of her appointment was tremendous.
i.e.  right when everybody goes to lunch.
i.e. when so many parking spaces abound.

right in the first row.


decide to go down a little further to another one.
it was right under a tree.


oops

another dodgers playoff game on yesterday.
missed most of it.

only caught it after she came out and told him, after kibbitzing with her best friend's husband on the phone.


appears to have paid the electric bill.
used the phone for a little while.

no talking at all.


she had confronted him about not paying it.
he said there was some sort of dispute he had with them.

smells like straight up bullshit.



building a nice big file of evidence anyway.

i don't know.


they say it's real hard to declare somebody incompetent, so unless they're practically a vegetable you shouldn't even try.

but isn't he pretty damn close?


miss a gillion bills... doesn't that fucking qualify as an inability to manage your own financial affairs?


didn't sound like it.


but he is getting worse and worse, so.

maybe soon there won't be an option.

mm


should savor this time, probably.



go out to tire pump/water.
neighbor talking to a friend right across the street.


the morning pump, had to do it in front of whoever's doing whatever at the next door neighbor's house now.





despite him only being on the phone for about fifteen minutes, and it just being a very robotic paying-by-credit-card to a machine type thing...
didn't get around to eating breakfast till around 3.

so i had to make him lunch at around my official bedtime.


irked.
but hey, it still wasn't the middle of the night...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


she comes in my room early this morning.
asks me to go get the paper.

says it's worse.


nothing scheduled.
a free tuesday.

tire day?

more like tired day.


want a little break, man.
i'm doin way too much!

and i suppose she should rest too.

maybe she got more effed from the shopping yesterday.



heard him fiddling with his little timer around 2:30.
he sets it a certain length, after he has his cereal.
like 15 minutes or so.
allow appropriate digestion before he takes his pill.

at least that's what it usually is for.


another late breakfast, i figured it was going to be a second consecutive midnight lunch threat night.


nope.


comes in, initiates the script to ask me if i could make him tuna on toast.



sometimes he sets the timer as to alert him when the three (3) hour window has officially passed between meals.

woke up in terror.

forgot to pay for my post office box.


yeah, probably just a late notice.
if they send it here though...

oh, the sweet interrogations.


i basically only keep it because i think they might send something here to verify.
and any mail that is mine that isn't the usual comes pre-opened.

another reason to keep it, i guess.

and yeah, i figure i might have some use for it down the road.

although i bet if you need to specifically open it in a business name, to use it that way.


interesting timing to it.
pot calling the kettle black?

well, it's a tad different.


it's due every six months.
i don't get any notifications.
unless i check it.

i'd check when i'd post office, go to the one not officially sanctioned by father...
post office runs have been few and far between.


bathroom.
thinking.

i can no longer remember which specific months they're due.
MAYBE it's due at the end of this month, not last??

no idea

 get out, try and sneakily go through piles
trying to find the bill, or the receipt
not sure if i keep those around.
and if they are, they're not easily foundable, because of the inevitable searches through my stuff that happen here and there...

can't find anything

shit

trying to figure a way to get out of the house to fucking pay it
suddenly grabassing with a  flat tire sounds a hell of a lot more inviting....


ah ha!
realize how i can figure out if it's due or not, in concrete detail.
this here damn blog.
i know it's been the subject of many a pained post, near the due date and trying to get out to pay it...

egghghhghhh

due at the end of THIS month.

still in the clear.


see, totally not like him....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

shopping cheuffeur day.


go to pump up the tire again.
up to two sessions a day.
was one per week.
yeah, got to fix the damn thing.


so not in the mood to shop.
and she doesn't help it.


she's such a negative creep.

starts off with her saying the age of big brother is here.
because of the huge amount of info google has on its users.

maybe.

they do probably know em better than actual people.
in theory.

i don't know, i was already so not in the mood.
despising shopping so much.
back here again.


then it just goes more negative from there.

her overreacting like crazy to every little possible accident.
delightful judgements about everyone.

more disturbing programmed political zealotry, mixed in with those judgements.


so much time spent together now.
so fatigued.

get pissier and pissier.
with each party platform soliliquy.
or the very cheery, yet terrible joke.

and showing it.


says i don't have to go in with her.
cause she's not as effed as she was before, i.e. post-surgeries.

take her up on that.

definitely would've been nice to know beforehand, so i could bring something while i had some peace.

was in there for so long.


comes out, we head home.

more fatiguery.


not the horrific emptiness of any positivity like her soulmate.
but goddamn.

such a drag to be around.


nothing but negativity.


i just want to get away from it.


-----------------------------------------------------------------


 waiting at a stoplight.

she starts reading off something somebody has written on the back of their car.

"every day i get up and go to work for my younger sister, who committed suicide..."



rolls right off her.

like usual.


hey, i think it's kind of...
well.
douchey is way too strong of a word.
but... yeah.
hey, sorry for your loss and all, and i get it, but tattooing it on your car's ass is a little weird.

not my style, at all.
but yeah, i understand it.

still get it.


"i think her sister isn't the one that should've died!"


the right tone, maybe that would've been funnier.


maybe that doesn't really make it any better.






my glasses are so bad i couldn't even figure out which fucking car she was reading it off from.

egh, not feeling like writing an in depth emergency room thing.

not really committed to just doing a quick glossy summary of it either.


so i think i'll reserve the right to write whichever way tomorrow, when i might feel like opusing more.



do the little followup post of today that would've been after it, i guess.



bro visited in the afternoon.
yeah, i thought maybe it might be to help me tire grabass...

nope.

just picking up mail.

and to see how she was doing.



kibbitzed only for a little bit, then he left.

going to work out.



was very tempted to ask him to tire grabass with me.

didn't.


feeling like i might procrastinate on dealing with it forever if i have to deal with it myself.


she wants to go shopping monday, so.

probably won't go to exercise.


and starting to visualize him involved in the whole process and what that might entail...
mm




another late payment notice from the electric company.

didn't have to run and mail anything.


another big red stamp on the front saying ACTION REQUIRED IN THE NEXT 48 HOURS

delivered yesterday, of course.


still hasn't done anything yet.



probably has some time.

well.
got a better hold of myself.


in a much better place in regards to my xtreme tire pain.



still haven't told anyone yet.



ended up going to jesus on it.




there was more air left in there than i figured.
i had thought it was going to be completely deflated.

still low.
around 20.
31 last night.

high enough that i figured i could gamble with going jesusing.
once i pumped it back up again.


i can get it higher too.
so it will stay where it should be, for a trip.
and since i'm her cheuffeur, i can monitor it firsthand.
packed up the tire pump, put it into the trunk.


emailed bro.
just told him what's happening.

leak getting bigger, and it being a mother's day/christmas gift that is no more.


if he offers, hey.
if not, hey.


actually, even if he does...
 i'm thinking of just trying to patch that tire again.
it's WAAAAY cheaper.

there's actually still a lot of tread on the damn thing.

did the penny test.
put it into a groove, headfirst.

if abe's dome sinks into it, the tire still good.
if you don't get the top of his head past it, time for a new one.

some are getting close, most still have a lot more life left.


i'm all for that grabass, if it'll save her the cash.


hoping bro wants to help it.
do the taking off of the tire.

i'm no good at procedural shit.
and lazy.


haven't taken a tire off that car before i don't think, a little wary about the jack.

don't want to eff it up.



emailing back and forth with him now.
asking questions.

doesn't seem like he wants to help.




despite feeling better, she wants to go to emergency tomorrow.
bright n' early.
so i figure i can wait another day to tell anyone.

mm


maybe longer.

man, had to piss like crazy right after finishing that last one again.


can't be good.

no, i don't mean for me.
not too concerned about it in the short term.

i mean long term.


that's got to not be great for your system, if it's a continual thing.


think the weather change is playing a part too.
not needing so much h20 for sweat.
body adjusting and such.
previous days it was much more difficult holding it in all night than it had been.

here i thought i had built up bladder strength.


also had tried to put some hydration back, after my previous bathroom stop.
no huge dose though.
the regular.





her getting breakfast, wanted to get to the bathroom while she was out there...

coming back to the room, seeing me from the kitchen as i open the door.

it was no longer a strange time to see me around, but.
sigh.
more of that shitty timing.

more cars pulling up last night, right across the street when i came out to water.



does she need help, getting breakfast again?

she uses that walker on wheels thing to roll it in, so.



come out of the bathroom, ask her how she's feeling.
says not good.

not worse, but no change.


if it stays like this, wants to go to urgent care tomorrow.

going fucking crazy.

over such a stupid little thing.



slept like two hours last night.


haven't had to use my piss bottles in like a year.
had to twice.
and now i'm bursting at the seams again.


the dream was to get her slow leak tire to mother's day.
that dream has died.


leaking real bad.
maybe a pound an hour.

when i had to take her to a surprise trip to the store  fucckkk  gotta go.


geez, still enough in there for an ass explosion too.

he had gone back to bed.
she's still in the back.
would've looked weird, my being up early.

ahhhh
worked out about as well as can be.

haven't told her yet.


she said she's not going anywhere, because of the pain, so.


saturday should be a horrible day to try and get it fixed.
maybe sunday will be just as bad.


i want to get goddamn jesus over with.
sort of.
wasn't going to take the car out, but just see if it could get past without needing a makeup day.


also don't want to deal with this.


life has been so pristine, it's been eons since i've had to.

and now with him a total mess...
[dodgers in the playoffs, we ate dinner early thursday so he could watch...
missed everything last night.
completely crashed on the couch after dinner last night.


don't think i want him involved.
but when i had to do the last one myself way back...
that made me real crazy too.


she's getting new glasses soon.
made an appointment.

had to pay for both hotel nights for their vacation halfway point stays.



this will be a huge goddamn bill, if both tires get replaced.



wanted to see if my brother wanted to pay for these two too.
an early christmas present??
halloween present???


he had wanted to replace the others last mother's day.
i said no.
they still had a lot of tread on them.
so i'll just grabass with this slow leak, every week.


stupid


couldn't work up the nerve.
or the gall.

i'm hoping since she's paining and not going anywhere that it can wait till monday.


almost certain she's done a tire replacement by herself before.
but alas, she can't drive again.
because of said pain.

me and bro were there for hours the last time we got hers replaced.

a wholllllllllllle lot of chattin time


and i've been so pissy, with all the surprises.
and her whole sitting in a chair for hours on end and being surprised it's gotten worse.


was so miffed having to grabass with dinner again.
outside still.
despite it being so much cooler.

well, it wasn't really dinner.


taking more detailed records of her chairin
pretty sure she didn't get up once for four hours after we got back.

then, after she had gotten dinner started...

hey, it's feeling better!


egh, she's definitely hurting.
when she tried to go for a walker walk yesterday, only went up and down the street.
trying to be more jesusy about it.

sure is easier with all this hanging overhead.


feels better, just not being in the dark.

a half friday.


exercise.

she had gone to her big grocery store trip yesterday instead, so.
still was going to stop by the nearby supermarket this morning.


nope.
stayed home.


paining too hard.

...allegedly?


says she's worried about her driving.
foot slipped off the pedal the other day.


hmm.
i've had some leg pains  here and there where it was pretty difficult to switch between them.



agh.
i hate this cross examination shit in my head.
but instead of a free friday she's threatening a visit to urgent care instead...
which i of course will have to take her, because she can't drive.

i suppose it's only logical.



she did go to exercise last night with her friends.
said she didn't do much.

came in late.
which means she was sitting in the car all that time just chatting with her friend on the driveway.


hours of sitting in a car.
like during the ol' tahoe trip.

connection, perhaps?

no lightabulb popping on in her head, looks like.


or maybe even not doing too much of an exercise class, was still too much for someone who's been thinking of going to urgent care for awhile?



said she slept decent last night...
not great, but not too bad.

uh
that doesn't sound like much to me...


seen her bending for shit a bunch this week.
bending all the time, to pick things up.
the wrong fucking way still, of course.
no knees, despite those both now repaired.
she won't ever adapt.

no real struggle.
no look of AGGGAGGHHH! on her face...


said she's mostly feeling it in her calf.
and her other, not surgically fixed hip.


knew this would probably happen.


pain's got to go somewhere else, once logic says it has to.



my diagnosis remains the same.


she's not a big fan of her life.
at least big chunks of it.


escaping that tiny room she was sitting in almost 24/7 with a lunatic may have been most of it, but it isn't everything.


returning home meant returning to her volunteer work.
seeing the two hospice patients she visits.
she doesn't enjoy it.
they're annoying downers.

gets lost all the time now that they moved the blind lady to a new facility.
near that goddamn street circle, around where you live.
or did live.

the other guy, keeps asking her something, over and over and over again.
for her to do something for him.
is crabby, most of the time.

both are mostly complainy downers.



i think she should be walking around the house more.
with the walker, which makes it all feel so much better.
break up the hours of sitting.

she's still been active... doing a whole bunch of laundry, some other stuff.
cooking, the night before.

still... there are hours where she doesn't move.
so tired from it all.
falling asleep in her chair.

and maybe a formal exercise class was still too much for her to do right off the bat, even if she didn't do much?

gee, i'm such a hardass.


says she's going to go for a walker walk today.
and that little market trip.

just what the doctor would order.



her demeanor this morning did sell me more.
in no mood for favorite puppet's shit.
a SLIGHTLY revealing pained face.
looking like there's a lot more under the surface.

that i can understand.


couple that with a few days of slighter exercise,
a little internet searching to perhaps remedy it yourself,


that would sure make a trip to urgent care a lot more rosy, in my eyes.

weather took a 180 yesterday.
in some ways.


thunderstorms were forecasted.


which sure seemed like hey, cool.
a day without hot.
despite things not being ghastly around here, it would be nice to have things all closed up again.


egh, it was a little worse than it has been.
high humidity and all.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


"i am the waterer!" - patty smyth

and me.


inherited the job of watering shit during her surgeries.
got the reward of keeping it because i did it so damn well.


lawnssssssssssssssssssssssssss


i'm now mothering my arch enemy.



egh, i'm awful at it.
in theory.

i was more reliable than her.
i never skip.
or forget.


had started doing it in spring, so i was able to make a difference.
if i did, it was small.

the center of the lawn is green.
all the outerness of it all, a mess.

a whole lot of dead outer edges.


it was like that when i started.



got it to come back a little bit when the weather wasn't hideous.
spring had begun.
water restrictions here allow for a third day of watering then.

so i did it.
all three days a week.
without being asked.
and now, till the end of time...

sigh, what a ree-ward.


maybe you more uppity honkies can't understand my horrific sprinkler pain.
the ones that came with the lawn are busted.
so it isn't just running out there and turning them all on in one fell swoop.

you got to grabass with a wet hose.
go out there every fifteen minutes to move it around.
three or four times.

not crazy painful.
but i hate it.

a new kind of water torture?


watering torture.


kind of like having to do laundry, i suppose.
the first, less annoying steps anyway.
only outside.
and grassier.
while insects attack the shit out of you.

yeah yeah, thank the lord lawns don't have to be ironed...



when the 113 degree weather hit, it coincided with the old hose dying.
waiting for the new one to arrive in the mail probably made things a whole lot worse.

she's put fertilizer on there, some new stuff has grown a bit.
not much.

looks to me like the soil is dried up shit now.

like i said, i spent the spring trying to bring it back.
didn't take all that well.

so i focused my watering efforts on the survivors.

sweet green patch anyway.


looks about the same as what had been given to me.



new hose constantly flips the first sprinkler over.

agghghh

i hate it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


so yesterday was a tortured waterer's dream...

rain in the forecast!

a night off from continual wet hose grabassing!


agghh

not so wonderful.

yet another irritating aspect, it turns out.


we got water restrictions, because of the drought.
YOU MUST WATER THESE SPECIFIC DAYS.

i don't think the water police are enforcing shit.
after awhile she didn't conform at all.


oh i would love to rock as hard...
500 buck fine potentially, if i do.

that could be a killer.

she would want to pay anyway, being a rebeller herself.
and me being the caretaker, basically.


now these restrictions also have their benefits as well.
you can't water after a good rainin, damndamndamn.


24 hours after measurable rainfall.
well...
what the hell counts as that??


and yesterday, while "measurable" rainfall was threatened by thunderstorms...
it was hardly a given.

looked at the weather report early on.
ooh, 70 percent chance.
at least that's over 2/3rds of a chance of it happening...

later on...
40 percent chance.


now we're back to the odds being against it.
yet still strong...

these thunderstorms that were forecasted...
they were forcasted as "scattered"...
so... you might get a good dose of rain, might not.

so in order to be a good citizen and government lover, i've got to sit around constantly checking a goddamn weather report all night long??

i mean, it could still rain huge.


chances went down to 15%...

dammit




then i remembered.
it's now rocktober.

i.e. all government loving and approving citizens are supposed to adhere to a different watering schedule now.
only two days a week.
monday and friday.


i had been free for the night from the get-go.




all for nothing.

ah well, at least the ending was a good one one in the same.