Homeopathic Merriment and Scottish Smut

Over the past weekend, I took a trip with my mom and sister in law to Iowa. Why Iowa? (yeah, wtf is in Iowa) well, my moms favorite author was in town for a convention aptly named "Thru The Stones" for the Outlander series, ie: Scottish smut book. (They're amazing btw....and the idea was based off of early Doctor Who episodes...and we met the author and Graham McTavish...the beard....) All in all, (aside from no schmexy boyfriend) it was an amazing weekend, and my moms best birthday to date.

Being as I work in the convention and housing field, it was a bit weird going to a convention. They offered classes geared towards the time period where the books take place (which is 18th century Scotland). I wound up taking the 18th century medical class, Scottish dance, BEEEEEES, and Edible Landscape (geared towards Iowa.....that really helps me here on the east coast....)

Kind of interesting and probably important information to know, the medicine class was geared towards what plants have what purposes and the bee class was all about beekeeping (and for some reason how to make pie crust....) But anyways, there was quite a bit of useful information that I figured i would share since mostly all you have to do is plant some shit or build a bee box and BAM partial self sufficiency. Edible Landscape was kind of a bust aside from "plant some trees!" so i left early...that and my sister in law was making faces and dancing through the door window...

So for starters: FUN PLANTS! plants that have other properties that will be very useful if you are unable to get modern medicines.

So first off, there are the ways that these can be used: Tincture, Compress, Poultice, and Ointments/Salves.

Tincture: Macerate in alcohol/water for 7-14 days and then strain and compress. It can be used topically or internally (in moderation).
Compress: Use clean linen (cheese cloth or muslin) soak in the Tincture.
Poultice: Crushed/Ground herbs adding water, whiskey, or fat to moisten if the herbs are dried. Apply to skin, make sure it is hot/warm temperature. Used for burns/open wounds. you layer cloth/herbs to prevent sticking, and often covered with wool flannel to preserve heat.
Ointment/Salves: Base of lard/butter/suet/lanolin/goose or duck grease. Addition of powdered herbs or strong tee, add bees wax to add firmness (yeah...bees ;) I plan on making my own ointment later once i collect all the ingredients, and I'll do a post on that at a later date)

Speedweed: (no. not quick pot delivery) Can be made into a tea. Good for cough, ulcers (internal, external), gout, skin diseases (eczema/psoriasis), good diaphoretic, alterative, expectorant, also effective for conditions of the chest and kidneys.

Comfrey: Use the root, or main leaf rib: (SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER) can be used after smashage, and placed on effected area, or used with a poultice in a paste form.
Use externally for bruises, sprains, dislocations, wounds, burns, ulcers, and skin disorders.
Internal uses include ulcers, stomach/intestine irritation, urinary tract, helps promote callus formation in fractures, reduces inflammation in tendon sheath, arthritis, hematoma, and swollen glands.

Yarrow: Use flowers and leaves: can be made into a Tincture (10-30 drops 1-4x/day) Use as tea (1 tsp/cup of water 1-4x/day), Poultice, or used topically.
It is an anti-inflammatory and astringent, strengthens the urinary tract system, veins, mucus membranes, anti-fungal, styptic, diaphoretic, and anodyne. Used as a tea (which is safer than the tincture): Taken hot, it induces sweating, taken cold it can be a diuretic. It can help with the first stage of colds/fevers, bleeding, hemorrhoids, and Shark week problems.

Calendula: Use flowers prior to opening. Use as a tea (2-3 heaping Tbsp per cup of water) Use as tincture (1:5 ratio of plant to 20% Alchohol base...dont use too much) Use as a cytophylactic, antiseptic, anti-inflammatory, lymphagogue, antiviral/bacterial, choleretic, and demulcent. (I knew what these meant in the class, feel free to do your own research BIG wordsss :) Can be used on wounds, burns, bruises, boils, and rashes. Caution for preggers ladies thoug, has abortifacient effects. So a no go for the baby trains.

Plantain: (om nom nom) Use the leaves. Tincture: (1:1 ratio 15-40 drops 1-4x/day) Poultice fresh leaves. Use as an antiseptic, anti-bacterial, astringent, diuretic, and anti-inflammatory. Can be used to draw out splinters, help with UTI and respiratory infection. It is also good to add to cough syrup and is anti-inflammatory to mucus membranes.

Garlic: (Om nom nom) Use the cloves. Can be used as an anti-microbial/bacterial/fungal/parasitic. Mild anti-coagulant, diuretic, naturetic, anti-spasmodic, hypoglycemic, anti-thrombotic, it protects the liver, inhibits tumor growth, supports immune function, decreases plaque buildup in the arteries, good for infectious diseases, clears up dysentery (if only i had had this while playing the Oregon trail) reduces peripheral vascular disease, diabetes, and liver disease. Garlic is pretty much the shiz.

I have more, but my hand is starting to cramp (bad flashbacks of college writing) so to that I say To Be Continued...

(The woman that did this class's name is Pamela Taylor ND and she has a book so yeah. consider it)

For the bees, there was a lot of instruction on bee keeping, ordering bees, how to drain the honey from the comb, and how to clean the wax to use for candles, ointments etc. (it takes 7lbs of honey to make 1lb of wax....lots of hard work) It also takes 90lbs of honey to get a box of bees through the winter, they also included a list of annuals, perennials, vegetables, trees, and shrubs that attract honeybees. speaking of honey, did I mention i sell honey? I know I have, and Oh Em Gee, look. Buckwheat honey! It's sooooo dark and rich and full of vitamins and antioxidants! DELICIOUS and in fun tactical packs! (glamour shot glamour shot)

Ok I'm done :) I will do a more in depth instruction on bees for my next post because it really is pretty interesting. I know i took too many notes. I'll post the honey/cooking recipes too. BTW did you know that honey on buttered biscuits is DELICIOUS? I found that out. I don't even like honey but this was like crack (not that i know what crack is like, but i've heard it has quite addictive qualities) I've been dreaming about it all week (biscuits, not crack).

Vix out

Ermahgerd Appersauce (Canning and YOU)

So every fall season for the past three years (yes. three glorious years with Mr. Tactical, where did the tacti-time go...) I've been canning homemade applesauce. Typically I make around 3-4 batches and then can them for later use. (or holiday gifts, my dad loves this stuff....) Last year i was able to make around 18 pint ball jars for storage. It's really not that difficult honestly (just a bit time consuming), and it will help you stock up and prepare for the tough months ahead. Canning is a good way to supplement your food supply that has quite a long shelf life. We have canned spaghetti sauce we received from a family member. Canned jam, fruit, veggies. Get a dehydrator. Educate yourself. You have the ability to grow, and save your own personal stock of noms. We have apple and peach trees where we live. It's a good idea to get something that basically provides for you every year so you can continue to prepare. I mean, look at this:

Delicious apple nom noms. Honestly, i don't like applesauce, but I like mine. Find something that you can make that will keep, and that you like, or can fix up so you like it. You can doctor many things. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH FOOD STOCKED UP.

Being as the winter months are coming up, you need to consider the possibility that if you live in an area that gets bad weather, you may be stuck in your home without a way to go get provisions. Do you have a way to keep warm? Do you have food put away? We have about 5 loaves of bread in our freezer. I never thought i would be one of those crazy people who freezes bread. Powdered milk. Rice. Possibly something to spice up the rice since rice sucks.....same thing with the beans....hate beans. But beans and rice make a whole protein so there you go (still hate beans). Hunt. It's hunting season. Get deer. Rabbit. Squirrel (actually quite tasty). Get a bear. Have a bear skin rug. Put it in front of the fire and keep warm (you know. all romantic and shit. How awesome would that be. I killed you this bear...). You don't want to be stuck having to break into a Dorito truck like those people in Buffalo that got snowed in (how romantic. I brought you Doritos. not anywhere near as cool as "hey i brought you a bear" but i guess it works). Especially if you don't have access to a Dorito truck as it would make such an endeavor quite difficult. Prepare yourselves....Winter is coming....

Where are the Streamers? What, no Streamers?

So today I did something that many Americans have also done. I VOTED! (loud screams and applause). Now this was my first mid-term election EVER. I voted for the presidential race in 2008, but due to other circumstances, have not had the ability to vote since.

Now agree with voting or not, the reason this post comes up is because of all those that I ran into today that didn't vote. Not that they are objecting to the system, not because they didn't have time after work (I walked in at 7 after work, not an excuse unless you're working all day or have some other full day obligation....or if you aren't a resident...or a bear...anyways). My dilemma is that people my age are not voting. Not out of protest but because they really don't care. They didn't vote because they didn't know who they would be voting for. They didn't research. They didn't take the time to see who, whether they decide to vote or not, will be representing them in their state.

Now, this is a bit depressing to me. I've heard so many people that decide to object to voting because they feel that their voice will not be heard anyways. Fine, you don't wanna, don't do it. That is your right as an American. But to not even care who is running? kinda silly. It will effect you whether you object to it or not. So why not try and understand what is going to be happening to you over the next couple of years.

I'm 26. This is the second time I've voted in MY LIFE. I'm perfectly ok with this. Whether delusional or not, I feel like I'm contributing at least the tiniest little bit.(don't crush my dreams!) The place I went? they used paper ballads because they don't trust the machines. It's run by people who want to be there. It was a very positive feel after going through a typical customer service day where on a good day I've lost at least 5% of my faith in humanity. Consider that 5% restored after tonight. Looking like an idiot, wondering what to do, where to stick the ballot....worth it. Social anxiety problems totally worth it.

I know there are going to be many that disagree. I'm not saying you're an idiot for not voting. I'm saying that if you don't take the time to educate yourself about your future, that's irresponsible....and from a very new adult. Now I'm going to get into my footy pajamas and watch Disney movies....

Vix out.

Natures Little Wonder: Bee Vom

So lately I have been looking into different types of natural remedies mainly in part to some of the great suggestions I've gotten from my ever so clever readers. Clove oil for this, lemon oil for that, etc etc. One of the main things that I've been looking into stockpiling is HONEY.

Give that Bitch some Honey, Bitches LOVE Honey

See this 5lb monster? Yeah. local sweet gold. 18 bucks. You know what it can be used for? LOTS. Bee vomit can be used as an antibiotic, sweetener. OH THE POSSIBILITIES! We picked this guy up at one of those roadside stands on my yearly hunt for apples for my homemade applesauce. Seems like a bit of an expense, but if you think about it, pure, unprocessed (with all that junk in it like they have at the grocery store, sorry little honey bear...) never goes bad and it can be used for so many things. 

Honey can be used for wound care. It has antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties and has also been shown to hamper E. coli, salmonella, as well as fight staph. (you go little bee) I've also read that a tablespoon mixed with cinnamon can actually help with bladder infections as well. It can also be used to reduce inflammation in pimples. So there ya go. Keeping you pretty during the apocalypse brought to you by MDV ;) 

Do not give to babies though, until they are over a year old. Also, although not actually proven, if you get really bad allergies, you can start taking doses of local honey to build up an immunity to them. Some people don't really believe this, but hey, it actually worked for my brother so it really couldn't hurt. Now could it. (suck it up buttercup) I personally dislike the taste of honey, but it's uses outweigh the momentary "ew ew ew get it out of my mouth" feeling. For example: Buckwheat Honey:

The best way for me to describe Buckwheat Honey, is that it smells like a wet dog (tastes a little less like a wet dog, but really, it isn't so bad). I was at work with a terribly sore throat, and a coworker that actually raises bees handed me this. A spoonful of this every so often through the day, coats the throat (with it's antibacterial properties) and also works as a cough suppressant (or if that doesn't work, you could always just shove the jar in their mouth). I hated the taste, but it really helped. (and as with this jar, it starts to crystallize, but all you need to do is warm it up and it goes liquid again). It's like those nasty lemon honey cough drops, but you don't have to suck on it for like an hour (torture).

For me and Mr. Tactical, we actually got these to put into our bug-out bags:

Also purchased from the man with the bees, it's in an easy to use pouch (if crystallized, just stick in warm water. So it's simple in that aspect as well) with resealable spout. Good source of sugar if needed, and its antibacterial uses in the great outdoors. (Just hopefully it isn't bear season..... or ant season....) I was able to get six of these, two for our packs, and the remaining four for the pantry. (I can actually start stocking and supplying this if anyone is interested....if not....more for me anyways. And look at that sweet tactical packaging label).

Anyways, with the recent start of the preparation of our medical footlocker, This is also getting added into that box. Honey has many great uses and will never go bad, so you don't have to worry about using it within a certain amount of time, and really, can you afford not to have something like this? Prepare yourself. Use the time that you have to insure that you and your family will be comfortable and safe. Find natural options that can be gotten if commercial medication is not available. 

In short, bee bulimia is a benefit to you that you should really look into. Honey and it's many uses would definitely help in a SHTF situation and could also be used as a barter good (just like mini booze, but more useful....) And for serious. Look at this happy dude. You wish you could be as obliviously happy as this bear (silly bear).

Vix Out

Shark Week

Soooo keeping up with the topic of preparedness, I give you Shark Week. All the things that women don't really want to talk about, men don't want to think about, and will become a lot more embarrassing if you can't get the supplies that you need.

Exhibit A:

Congratulations. You made it. Feel free to giggle.

Lady sticks will obviously be a bit harder to come by during difficult times and Walgreen's (at the corner of happy and healthy) will most likely be ransacked or filled with drug addicted cannibals. So what's a girl to do during shark week? PREPARE. common theme here me thinks. There are some other alternatives to lady sticks and *quiver* ick ick ick "sanitary" nakkins. Some of which may be worse than the latter, but hey. You're going to be limited on what you will have access to.

Exhibit B: Reusable filth nakkins. Because that is what I really want to do. Sit all day thinking "oh god oh god oh god nononononononono". I guess that people in the olden days had to use these because really, it's all you had. But look! they come in all these fun colors, designs and prints! YES because i really want it to look like I've just started the great owl massacre of 2014. Plus side, it is reusable. Downside: yuck yuck yuck, and unless you have multiples, you're still screwed.

Exhibit C: The "Diva Cup" which I think would be the better option. There are other options beside this particular brand but doesn't it just sound so fancy! because when you want to stop leaks in the lady cave, I think "man I'm such a fancy diva ;)" Plus side, it is reusable, more sanitary, cleanable, and doesn't wear out. Downside, um well. you can't be skittish? you need small hands? Either way. It's a bit more discrete, unless you are a true diva, in which case the world really doesn't want to know about the goings on of your lady bits.


Exhibit D: Spon....wait. A fucking sponge? What is this? The Little Mermaid? well i guess being as this is shark week, although i would be tempted to hum under da sea 24/7. Plus side, All in all, reusable. Downside,  not as long lasting as the other previous alternative and it can only be so sanitary.... And lets face it. It's a sponge. All i would be able to think about is this.....

Or possibly Spongebob Square pants...but really "Ohhhhhhhhhhhh who lives in a lady cactus..." doesn't have the same ring to it....

There are a couple other alternatives as well, I've see stuff like this (hehehe happytooter) on this homemade website Etsy. They sell some pretty awesome homemade stuff. (other stuff. like non lady bits stuff) but really. If I want to learn how to crochet, this isn't going to be why....

Anyways. I'm pretty sure I've made most of you cringe, maybe cry a little, but really, you can only stock up on the disposables before you run out. Then what are you going to do? I mean there's always...you know...babies. But really not the most practical way...Anyways, learn the ways to stock up for your hot pocket so no one else has to hear about it.

Vix out

It's Just A Flesh Wound

Most average people keep general first aid thingies in their house for the random papercut, kitchen accident, animal bite, macrame crafting accident etc... but only on the off chance that one of these things happens. Many don't think to keep more first aid supplies on hand than what it would take to use in about a month if it was really needed because, lets face it, you can really only lose so many limbs before you eventually have to seek medical help, and you can only do so much for your family if you're nubbin' it.

For the past couple of weeks this topic has been on my mind, and what would happen in a SHTF type situation. (not that I'm one of those crazy survivalist types *cough cough*) Say something happened and all you had to rely on was a blow out kit for a wound. "oh I'll just rig this....nasal pharyngeal tube to....damn it".

So for the past couple of weeks, I have been heading to my weekly trips to the store and coming home with a few first aid things every time i go. Band-aids, Gauze, Antibiotic Ointment; the things most every household has a small supply of in times of need. But I plan on going further. Full on "I'm not going to show up for work, and when they come looking, my house looks like an episode of hoarders and I've been trapped under a box full of sanitary wipes and have been surviving off of cotton balls for days" extreme.

Anyways, there's really no excuse to not be prepared when a roll of gauze costs about $1.50, and a two pack of antibiotic ointment is about $3. It's the same idea of picking up spare cans of food each time you go to the store. If you can eat, but have an infection because a squirrel attacked you when you're hunting and didn't have anything to disinfect with, there is really no point. So for the past couple of trips, this is what I've come up with, along with a few other things that just needed to be included.

So basically (from left to right), i have gauze pads and two sizes of Gauze, a flashlight (because if you can't see in the dark, you might sew something to the wrong place), different sized band-aids and butterfly closures, multiple warmer pads, wrist and athletic wrap, a finger splint, alcohol, peroxide, medical gloves, epsom salt, antibacterial hand stuff, ointment, and a non-electric thermometer. Most of this stuff you can find at your local drugstore and for not that much. As long as you have somewhere cool and dry to store this kind of thing, i would do it. If you can't take care of your families medical needs, you really need to think about your priorities. On a side note, if you do have a multi lense flashlight, it is best to use blue. This is because blood shows up black in the light, instead of red, because red doesn't show blood. The reason I bring this up is if you are in a survival/concealment scenario when you can not use a regular white light. (unless you're color blind....then please disregard this message).

Other supplies, you can get from your local outdoor store (Gander Mountain, Cabela's, Dick's *tehehe*) Mr. Tactical picked up these supplies (minus the little powder bottle...that's for the dog. They need first aid too.....later post. Got it) at Gander Mountain. The snake bit kit, I picked up off of amazon, along with some medical face masks that I just ordered today. It isn't hard, it just takes some planning.

All of this is going to be organized in these awesome boxes i picked up for a dollar each at a flea market, and placed in the a foot locker. See? Priorities. Get Your Shit Together. I'm 26 and for all intents and purposes, I should be more worried about painting my nails, shoes, and selfies (or whatever normal girls my age worry about), and I still manage to worry about this. What's your excuse? (omg these boxes are totes the shiz).

Mr. Tactical and I both have our strong points and tackle different aspects of preparedness in our household. He handles the tactical and protection aspect, and I handle the medical and food storage aspect. This makes it easier and less stressful because everyone basically has their own duties to focus on, and you'll actually want to survive WITH eachother. Have a plan. Be prepared. Don't end up eating people because you didn't take the proper precautions....that shit gives you the shakes.....

Vix Out.

Here Cometh Thine Doom!

Sooooo I was driving to work through the week and heard on the radio that Oblaspheme is planning on sending 3,000 troops to Liberia to combat Ebola. I get a feeling that he doesn't realize you cant just poke it with pointy objects, and that its actually a very deadly virus. But as said by the pResident "Faced with this outbreak, the world is looking to us, the United States, and it's a responsibility that we embrace, we are prepared to take leadership on this, to provide the type of capabilities that only America has and mobilize our resources in ways that only America can do."That only Americans can do huh? I keep hearing this "we" word. (you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means)

 Last i checked....playing golf wasn't part of assisting. Only caring about one hole and that's your own...

So I told my work companion about this and she made a very good point: why is it our problem? PRECISELY. (indubitably, pip pip). I mean seriously. Fine, so they aren't "supposed" to be in direct contact with the infected. Well I'm pretty sure that those wonderful blankets the Native Americans were given weren't in direct contact with infected when they decimated most of the population with sicknesses that were unable to be overcome. (But at least they were warm and snuggly in those death blankets huh? gotta look at the positives...) So anyways. there apparently is "minimal" risk to them becoming sick as well as bringing it back with them. Uh HUH. Soooooo basically you're telling me that out of 3,000 people, there isn't going to be one sick person to slip through the cracks, come home and cause Resident Evil all over again?(but instead of zombies, people will just be bleeding internally and externally, losing function of organs, and ya know...shitting themselves to death...) It's so bad, we have to send a BRIGADE over, but the threat is MINIMAL. I...just....I can't...(brain...slowly...stopping)

 Not to mention that you can take around 2-3 weeks to start showing symptoms. With no real treatment available and a death rate of 50-90%, on the off chance that you do survive, the virus can stay in your body for about 7 weeks in your bodily fluids (not to mention, in a dudes baby batter for about two months...no one wants ebola infected lady bits...)

So all this shit that only America can do. Well, I'm pretty sure that I don't need someone making decisions for me (been doing it on my own for at least 3 years now) and volunteering up space and money for all this aid. Sending people over seas to combat a virus that we don't even have a way to help...why. And all those making their way IN to the country and not being escorted out with a nice cock of a shot gun to put a little giddyup in their step for good measure (a little juan on juan time jajajaja) What are we? Obama's ward for wayward illegals? Seems like it is coming to that.

I MEAN SERIOUSLY. SOMEONE HAD THE FUCKING PLAGUE. I mean, I enjoy going to the Renaissance fair about once a year, and hey corsets are pretty huggy, but seriously. What medieval shit is this? HARK! I haveth thine plague! I requireth some assistance! Letteth me taketh thine funds and useth them for mine relatives!(and their relatives and all their kids, and their kids kids etc etc etc) So then we will have plague infected zombies roaming America. I mean most of them are basically zombies anyways.

Not to mention all the other nasty things being brought back due to lack of vaccinations (but i digress). And people wonder why this country is going to shit. Not to mention people that take the constitution seriously are being seen as nut jobs but hey. What do I know. I'm just a girl.

Vix out.