Teddy bears for the dead

I am amazed at the outpouring of grief for the victims of the school shooting. It was an appalling disaster. But folks, it is not your tragedy. Stop it with the hysteria. In particular, don't make piles of flowers, notes, and toys. These shrines for murder victims are creepy. What good do teddy bears do for the deceased? These children are beyond the need for toys. If you want to help someone, try a living child. The Salvation Army is a good choice. So is Toys for Tots. Or just give money to the charity of your choice.

obscenity

I happened to be watching CNN on tv today at the gym, a thing I avoid like the plague. The creepy politicians are licking their chops about this Connecticut tragedy.Their crocodile tears are sickening. Especially nauseating is Senator Blumenthal, hamming it up like a bad actor.

Capsule movie review

I went to see the movie Pitch Perfect. If you think projectile vomiting is hilarious, by all means see it. If not, don't.

Happy Chanukah

Susan Rice identified

I am sorry to confess that though I have been half-heartedly tracking the troubles of Susan Rice, I did not notice that she was a black woman. I caught on to the woman aspect immediately--I am nothing if not observant--but I didn't notice the earth-shattering information that she was black. If I thought anything about her ethnicity, I figured she was a Nice Jewish Girl. Like me.

Since it is obvious that race is the over-riding characteristic of anyone in American politics, I think it should be mandatory that the media identify everyone's race every time that person is in the news. Specify A (African-American), H (Hispanic), and so on. It can be done discreetly.

That way, everyone will know whether he, she or they should detect discrimination in that person's treatment and feel aggrieved and resentful at the proper time.

Strategy

The recent election results remind me of my experience playing Scrabble with an old friend.

Howie was really smart, but I was smart too, and had a much bigger vocabulary. Mr Charm claimed that Howie had a vocabulary of maybe eight words. So I should have won more often that not, right?

Wrong.

I thought Scrabble was a word game and enjoyed coming up with esoteric words, especially words employing the high point tiles. Howie, on the other hand, believed the objective of the game was to win. It was frustrating and maddening to have Howie use words like "ape" or "was" to block me and my terrific vocabulary.

I played Scrabble as a word game. Howie played to win.

Now a winning strategy is to play the game, any game, by denying your opponent any points. Figure out what he wants to do and prevent it from happening.

What does this have to do with the election which we so elegantly lost? We took the high road, the opposition played to win. We praised our candidate to the skies and proved that he was a fine fellow. Moreover, he had a nice family. Everyone showed up at his rallies and cheered him loudly. Then we stayed home from the polls in droves.

T

he Obama campaign, on the other hand, gave Romney the full Alinsky. They would not let Romney win a point. They made a boogieman out of him. They mocked his ideas and demonized the Tea Party as a bunch of right wing extremists. Meanwhile, none of our team refuted the slanders. Ah, the high road! Lonely as it is, it is a morally superior road to the top. Except when it doesn't lead anywhere.

Events tended to favor the president, of course. Hurricane Sandy ought to have been called Hurricane Obama. All he had to do was put on his little presidential suit and show up among the suffering. Alleviating their suffering was not needed.

I guess it's better to be lucky than smart.

Election day

Thank God it will all be over tomorrow. I hope whoever wins wins by a landslide--no hanging chads or recounts or Supreme Court decisions. In New York and Chicago, of course, there will be accusations--no doubt warranted, but no-one cares. It's hardly worth the Democrats' time digging up all the recently deceased, rounding up the undocumented and the felons, because they will win anyway. Are we honestly going to keep in office the only citizen in these 57 states who desires a new cabinet level agency, a Department of Business, despite the fact that we have a Department of Commerce, which is surely the same thing? Or isn't it? Or wants high speed rail system that will shoot people across this vast continent in 48 hours, despite the existence of the airline industry which can move passengers from coast to coast in 5 hours. I don't think Obama is the smartest person in the room any more, unless the room is his clothes closet. Upon closer acquaintance he has turned out to be a dunderhead and a bore.

No more pink, please

Yesterday at the drugstore I was asked whether I would like to make a donation to the Komen foundation to fight breast cancer. I most assuredly would not. They are just going to have to struggle on with the millions and millions they have already collected from the millions and millions of concerned citizens.

I am getting sick and tired of breast cancer. You can't get mad at them because it is a worthy cause, and worthy causes are really, well, worthy, aren't they? But I am tired of them, and of buying everything pink from coffee to socks to cars, and from seeing their blasted pink ribbons all over anything and everything.

You reach a point where you've had enough. I totally understand why the citizens of Athens voted to banish Aristides because they were tired of hearing him called Aristides the Just.

What election?

There is a tremendous lack of excitement here in Wilmington. There are yard signs, or rather corner-of-vacant-lot signs, for several local candidates. These signs mention the candidate's name but neglect to identify his/her political affiliation. No Democrats or Republicans here, move on, nothing to see. Some brave citizens actually have yard signs in their actual yards, but these are rarities. As for the presidential race, you would never believe we are having one. I have seen one or two Obama/Biden bumper stickers. I have seen exactly one Obama yard sign, and two for Mitt Romney. Ho hum.

Back to darkness

Waiting in the lab to have my blood drawn, I picked up a magazine that was ostensibly all about health. There was an article advocating an environmental group advocating a cause that was new to me--the dimming of outdoor lights. If this bunch have their way, the Great White Way will become the Dim White Way, the City of Light will be the City of Half-Light, and all the street lights will be reduced to a glimmer, forcing honest citizens going about their business to be terrorized by felons.

Except no-one would be out and about without street lights. Families, consisting of two adults of any gender and one immaculately conceived designer child, would be cowering around the one fluorescent bulb they are allowed to have, huddled together for warmth. Perhaps they could re-locate to a nearby cave, if they are lucky enough to have one.

I am not going to link to the website of this detestable organization, but it does exist. Unfortunately.

a question

Whatever happened to "No blood for oil"? We spilled the blood already, so what's holding up the oil which was the real reason for going to war in Iraq, according to Democrats? Is George W Bush hogging it all for himself?

Eating alone

I like to break bread with others, don't get me wrong. But there's something liberating about eating all by yourself. You can eat whatever you want--peanut butter and banana sandwiches fried in butter appealed very strongly to Elvis Presley, for instance. Ice cream for dinner, eaten out of the carton, slathered in chocolate syrup and chopped walnuts, is tasty and filling, and there are no killjoys emitting negative vibes to take the fun out of it. My brother the genius had no dishes in his apartment when he was a graduate student. If he wanted something to eat, he opened a can of tuna fish and ate it over the sink. What did he use for utensils? We can only speculate. It is a mystery in the same category as the problem of Jack Reacher's underwear or lack of same. I got home the other day ravenously hungry. Some leftover two-day-old pizza, thoroughly dried up, was in the refrigerator. I thought it might be salvageable if covered with melted butter. So I buttered a couple of slices generously and heated them in the microwave. They were delicious.

Awful shorts

This morning the front page of the local fishwrap had not one but two pictures of Delawareans in their national dress: baggy, loose, ill-fitting shorts and a scruffy t-shirt. No wonder the birthrate is down! These shorts would never be acceptable to anyone at any time or with any accessories. They have elastic waists, worn either over or under a paunch, are made of far too much deplorable fabric, and are a perfect length to make any man's legs look awful. You wouldn't want to see Cary Grant in these shorts. Shorts per se need not be awful. Look at the ones the British Army sported in Africa during World War II. But the British are good at uniforms and at menswear generally.

Romney the vote repeller

Mitt doesn't need the media carrying water for Obama, he's doing a fine job of lousing up his campaign his own self. Take his remarks on the 47 percent. Well, Mitt, I am one of these, a person on Social Security and a New Jersey pension, but if you don't want my vote just say so and I'll stay home from the election. BTW, I pay taxes.

Advice for Mitt

Mitt, if you want to be president, stop discussing which Americans you don't worry about, that don't concern you, which Americans are leeches sucking the blood of the productive classes, etc. These remarks don't make you look like a clever fellow, they make you look like a doofus. We already have one of those leading the country.

Genealogy

I've been doing my family tree, but have hit the wall. I did okay with my parents and grandparents, but going farther back is complicated and difficult. For one thing, they kept changing their names. My father's father was originally named Zev, which means wolf in Hebrew, so he called himself Wolf when he came to this country, but didn't like the sound of it, so changed it to William and was known as Bill.

My Aunt Helen was originally named something that translates to Julia but sounds weird because Hungarian is a tough language. So she was Helen. My uncle Andy was Gersh. Don't ask.

My mother's parents were a little easier. Originally Kantrovich, they shortened it to Kanter. A couple of zaydie's brothers moved to this country and were living in Milwaukee when last heard from. One was called Feibel and another was Velvel. God knows what they called themselves; I found records of their sailing here but nothing else.

Liking

I

consider Facebook one of the most useless and time-sucking activities available to man, right up there with cleaning the grout in your bathroom tiles. When everyone started "friending" me I enjoyed hearing from people I hadn't seen in years. Since most of them are doing exactly what I predicted 20 years ago, I was pleased to have my judgment vindicated. Also it was nice to hear from them.

I did "friend" a bunch of people, mostly relatives. As far as posting any information about what I'm doing, the answer is, essentially nothing. Nothing that would interest anyone. I also "liked" a number of organizations, most notably the Delaware Symphony, which promptly went out of business. Nice work, Miriam.

This is background stuff, preliminary to inform you about an e-mail I received from a close relative from the Commie side of the family. She upbraided me because someone she knew told her I "liked" Mitt Romney, and she was aghast. As it happens, I didn't, and don't, and I told her so. She seemed quite relieved. I suffer from l'esprit de'escalier otherwise known as staircase wit, meaning that I think of a witty retort on the way home from the party, when it's too late. So here's what I would have told her, after re-covering my wits:

What's it to you? And if I did "like" Romney, so what? It's not like "liking" Goebbels. I don't "like" Romney but I'm voting for him just the same.

So there!

Introducing my new dental team

When dentists start talking about teamwork, I know it's going to cost me. There are three members on our team. I'm the one with the open mouth and the empty wallet. The other two are the ones shopping for new Mercedes, the car of choice for dentists.

Raise your blood pressure, lower your IQ

and ruin your day. Just try to call 1) Verizon, 2) Comcast, 3) Social Security, 4) your bank, or _______________ (fill in the blank yourself) and deal with their caller direction system. They should make it easier for you, the consumer, otherwise known as hey Rube! Instead, these systems are designed to protect the staff of whatever organization you are trying to communicate with from any contact with a live customer. I always feel a great energy drain from the other end of the line, like a gigantic vacuum cleaner. They suck the little grey cells out of your brain, and after an hour or so you are a gibbering idiot who can't remember how to tie your shoes.

Ho hum.

This election cycle, no matter how stridently everyone carries on. seems boring to me.

F

irst, the President. He has pulled every trick out of his little bag of tricks, and it's empty now. So he opened Pandora's box and let out-Debbie Wasserman Schulz. Shakespeare said a low voice is an excellent thing in woman, but the Debster didn't get the memo. She is the closest thing we have to a perpetual motion machine.

As for Romney, a man who actually says "Gosh" when he hits his thumb with a hammer, or so I imagine--he is our generation's answer to Warren G Harding, handsome but deeply boring.

There are 300 million people in the country, couldn't we do better than this?