Bring it on

Each day is a new day, and it's just starting to get commical about what each new day is bringing us.

Roll with the punches Brantingham's.

I have a feeling that will be our family motto.

This Journey Together

I have this theory. 

Just when I start to get confident, the Lord likes to humble me. 

He likes to throw little stones, big rocks, anything to make sure that I remember Him. 

We all know this can be true to some extent.. It just seems like a common "humanly" attitude, that when you are struggling you rely on the Lord constantly, and then when things are good again, we tend to pull away. I can't say that this is actually my problem, not because I think I am better than the natural man... I just some times think I can do things alone. Not really something God would enjoy, I'm sure... And certainly something that gets me in trouble. 

It's almost like He likes to see how far He can push me, or what I could take.. Almost like He is ready for me to have a break down or something, and I am sure we have all had those moments... Those end of the road moments... I can't say I am at the end of my road though, that's the scary thing. 

Lots of things are being thrown at me, and for once, in this moment, I feel powerful. Right now I feel strong, I feel capable, and I know I need to hold on to moments like this one because they don't come very often. 

You hear of those people who are constantly at one with God, constantly speaking and corresponding, knowing for a fact that they walk besides Him. I can't say that I have ever had those experiences, where I feel like we are both on the same page, partly my problem of course. The one and only thing that I can honestly say and know for a fact, is that I know the Lord knows me. I know He knows my stubbornness and my struggles, and I know He is ready and willing at all moments to come to my aid. 

I know that He only gives me things I can handle. 

This might seem strange, but I can relate this to P90X. The main host, Tony, constantly says that you need to push yourself.. That the human mind stops before it is ready. He says that when we feel we can only do 12 reps, we should do 15, because our body gives up before it is really ready to give up. I feel the same with trials... I feel our human brains stop and they give up before they are ready. They shut down, they start to cry.. all before they are truly done. 

We can push ourselves, we can keep going, we can train our minds to carry on... So yes, some times it feels like too much, but that should just be my cue to push further because I know my brain gives up too soon.

I can get to those 15 reps, I don't have to stop at 12.

Sometime last week I felt I was at that end... I convinced my mind and my body that I had had enough, that life was just too much to handle. Sometimes it just feels like every possible boulder is getting in the way. Ever since that moment last week I have had lots of talks with myself. It seems like I was always so in tune with my thoughts and my mind a year ago... and lately I just push things aside. I don't like dealing with my emotions that much anymore, but I am trying to re-train this strong mind of mine this week.

 I have been trying to gage my emotions, trying to see what exactly was going on... In this analyzation I figured out that I need to write more. I need to spill out my thoughts, not just blog about the day to day.. it helps me.

I also learned that I rely on the Lord more than I thought, constantly sending little messages up to the heavens, which is good... better than I thought.

I also realized that some times it is ok to let things slide, like housework. I don't have to constantly make sure laundry is done. I can get school work done and we still will have clothes to wear.

But then, throughout it all of the analyzing, I kept singing this song.. something that always seems to put things in perspective for me. 

I don't know if any of you remember, but I was in this singing competition a couple years ago. I signed up for that thing again this year, not for the competition part, but for the opportunity to have Tyler Castleton all to myself. Lucky for me, I am the last person he sees on a certain day in July, so I am hoping to get some extra talking in with him.. It should be interesting.. 

But anyways.. the song for the competition has been running through my brain.. 

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I can try and try and fail so many times

I was not designed to face this life on my own 

I could never be enough, if I do it all alone.. 

But in the strength of the Lord, I can do all things

He knows how to change the weakness in me 

So I will let his light, lift me up 

He believes I can do hard things if I will trust Him 

And walk further in the strength of the Lord. 

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There are so many parts of that that stick out to me, but the main message.. the main part.. is the fact that He believes I can do hard things if I will trust Him.

Life hasn't been kind to us lately... But one thing that is so comforting is the fact that the Lord has never left our side. 

I feel Him.

 I feel Him every day.. and as much as I think I can make it on my own, I know He knows I am lying.. I know He knows I need Him. 

I can do hard things. 

As weird as it sounds, I am so thankful for life lately.. It has helped me put everything in perspective.. Helped me see the Lords hand more clearly, and helped me be extremely grateful for every blessing in my life. 

It is bringing Rob and I closer, forcing us to rely and depend on one another.. strengthening us for every struggle that might follow us... Helping us to set a pattern of communication and trust. 

I can see the slow changes within myself, and in Rob.. I can see the miracles He is working within this little family of mine, making me so thankful that we have the ability to change.. that people cannot be set in their ways. 

I am learning to live one day at a time. 

I am learning that trials bring beauty, and as much as some days suck.. The Lord is constantly with me. 

I am trying.

 I am trying really hard to see the good, and its funny how good actually appears when you really look for it.

I am growing up. 

We are growing up. 

Boulders get in the way, they have taken us off the path a bit, but we are growing up in the process... and it is beautiful. 

This really is beginning to be a beautiful thing. 

Some might think I am being unrealistic.. that I am putting too much faith in the Lord and not going to work.. 

To those I say that it is work to put your faith in Christ.

It is work to try and align your life with His, to try and put your feelings aside and remember God's plan. 

It is work to breathe, to calm yourself, and reassure yourself in moments of struggle that there is a God who knows your fears. 

It is work, and it is powerful. 

This is life, this is my journey.. my trials are designed and perfectly crafted to make sure I grow and change and become stronger.

This is our journey, this is our life.. I am just glad we are walking together.