Our friendship with Matt began in Germany. Very shortly after our family arrived in Germany, we received a phone call from our Military Relations missionaries that a soldier who had just landed in Germany was in the hospital after having a seizure. He was in the hospital in Weiden, and we were the closest ward members to that particular hospital. We were asked to go visit him so that the missionaries could get a report back to the soldiers family. So Pete went that night. He ran into a soldier in the elevator, and explained that he was there to visit a soldier, and after giving the name of the soldier, the soldier in the elevator said “well, that’s me.” He didn’t care much that Pete was there, and was actually a little stand off-ish. Matt was feeling fine and was ready to leave the hospital and get to his duty station in Grafenwöhr. So Pete left his contact information with Matt and headed back home.
A few days later, Pete and I decided we needed to contact Matt and find out how he was doing. We knew from Pete’s first meeting with Matt that he wasn’t interested in going to church, but we didn’t care. That wasn’t the reason we wanted to check on him. We invited him to dinner that Sunday, which he agreed to. Because our church building was so close to where he lived, we just picked him up after church. As time went on, our Sunday dinners became an almost weekly event, and somewhere in that time frame, he began attending church with us.
Matt always wore the same clothes to church- jeans and a striped hooded jacket. He didn’t have any dress clothes, but again, we didn’t care. We were happy to have him with us. He was always making us laugh at church. We knew he wasn’t there for church, but to have some interaction outside of the military, and lets be honest… for the free meal he was going to get after. We quite often had missionaries at our house when Matt was there, not because we were trying to force anything on him. It was because the missionaries just really liked eating at our house, and so did Matt. All of the missionaries that knew Matt loved him.
Pete and I actually turned down callings that were extended to us, because they would take us away from Sunday School, and we felt very strongly that we need to be available to Matt. Our Bishop agreed.
Once during Sunday School, Pete and I sat next to Matt and another single soldier. As the lesson was going, Matt started to fidget with his chair a bit to move it, and the next thing we knew he was on the floor. The chair had completely broken while he was on it, sending him to the floor and onto his back. It was so loud! Everyone in the room turned to look at him, so he quickly got up and pretended to sit on an invisible chair, and the whole room started laughing. He played it off so well and didn’t seem phased by it at all. But the three of us talked and laughed about it for months.
As we got to know Matt in the beginning, we quickly realized that because of where we all grew up, we knew the same people. Matt’s older brother Andy is the same age as Pete, and they ran around with the same group of guys. It was fun to find all the connections, including a connection that both Matt’s mom, Rita, and I had in common.
Matt spent as many holidays at our house as his schedule allowed. And when he was on duty and couldn’t make it to our house, we took that holiday dinner to him at work. We wanted him to know he was loved.
I asked him once what meal he missed the most from home, to which he responded “my mom’s mac and cheese.” So I emailed his mom for the recipe and surprised him with it. He ate A LOT of it.
In the Spring of the next year, Pete deployed to Afghanistan. Matt was so helpful while Pete was gone. We lived about 25 minutes apart, but when he could borrow a car, he’d come to dinner at our house, and when he couldn’t borrow a car, I’d pick him up as his schedule allowed. He would also call and make arrangements to meet us on post to have dinner. He made sure to throw my kids around and wrestle with them in Pete’s absence. He was so good with kids. He wanted to make sure we were ok, and he did a fantastic job. My kids lovingly named him “Big Matt”- they have a cousin named Matt, and it was easier for them to distinguish which Matt we were talking about to just give him his own name. This name sticks today. I called him often with stupid questions like “my car is making this noise, do you know what it is?” and all sorts of random things. He always did his best to help me figure things out when Pete was gone. He was always willing to sit on the couch with the kids and play video games or watch movies. He also loved our recliner. That was his spot.
That summer I took a 6 week trip back home to Utah to visit family. I also met up with Matt’s family for a family dinner while Matt was in town. I think it was that dinner that combined our two families. We’ve enjoyed all the get togethers we’ve had with his family.
Matt’s work schedule became very hectic, and we saw him less then we wanted to after Pete got home from Afghanistan. We still made it work. Then it was Matt’s turn for deployment. We made sure to keep up with him through emails, letters and packages.
Pete and Matt tried many times to go snowboarding together. Schedules never allowed it, but they were like two high school boarders reliving their glory days. There was never a dull moment in their snow boarding conversations. They often met up for lunch during the work week.
Once I got a speeding ticket from an MP on post for going 40 kph in a round about. To set the record straight, you cannot go 40 kph in a round about and keep 4 wheels on the ground. It’s impossible. It was the last day of the month, and when we told Matt about it, he very quickly labeled the MP that had given me the ticket as “the laziest sack” in the group and just laughed at it.
Pete was out of the country when Matt left Germany, so they said their good-byes before Pete left. The night before Matt actually left Germany, he borrowed a friends car and came to our house for dinner with the kids and I. What I remember the most was that although we were going to miss him, I knew we’d see him again, and often. We had become family. He was a brother to Pete and I; an uncle to the kids. And we did get to see him often. He was always one of my favorite people to send a completely random text to.
We have had so many laughs over the years with Matt. We’ve even had tears with him. We’ve prayed with him. I believe people come into your life for a reason. Matt came into ours because we all needed each other. He needed family overseas, and we needed the same. We needed to be a family of friends.
We received the news of his passing while walking through the Military Cemetery at the Naval Base in San Diego while on a family vacation. When his sister, Kelly, called me, I told her where we were, and as I heard her cry I knew something had happened to Matt. When she told me the news, I covered my mouth to muffle the crying, turned to Pete, and as I did, he said the color drained from my face and he knew Matt was gone. He said he could feel it. As we listened to Kelly tell us Matt’s recent plans for the future, one being to raise awareness of Veteran Suicide, I had one of the strongest impressions I’ve ever had in my life: “Now it’s your turn. You carry on this plan of Matt’s.” It hit me so hard that I haven’t slept much over the last week; I’ve been trying to figure out how to carry on Matt’s plan. I have no doubt that the Lord put us in that cemetery at the time we were there. We needed to be there for that phone call.
Pete and I have both thought about Matt a lot over the last week. We’ve laughed a lot, and cried at the thought of a world without him. We know he is in a good place- a beautiful place- and he’s probably laughing at the fuss we are all making over him. He will be missed by so many people. Matt made a forever impression on us, and he will always be a part of our family.
We love you “Big Matt”. Hooah. Rest easy, brother. Till we meet again.
