Half Way Done

It's hard to believe that we are just now at the half-way mark of the year 2019. This has been one of the longest and most challenging years I've faced as an adult and somehow I am holding onto a small piece of optimism for the second half. I am learning (literally and figuratively) so much about human behavior and why and how we act and behave certain ways. Why is it that in crisis and stressful events so many people lose their minds? Turns out there is a biological and physiological explanation. Even when armed with the scientific understanding, it still doesn't help much in regular every day life. Especially when some people thrive in chaos and truly don't want or are incapable of getting and keeping help. Somehow when someone you love deeply is presented with a terminal illness, everything else seems so minor and trivial. I've begun focusing on putting my attention where it counts and attempting to be more present in the moment and not allow these distractions to, well...distract...me. So much of my past was based on gut-reactions and internalizing and evaluating every single thing placed at my feet. I am a "fixer" and "peace maker" and "decision maker" and someone people looked to for answers and direction. I'll still be those things because they make up who I am but with the pressure of being a full time student, worker, dad, husband, and the list just goes on and on, I honestly don't have the time or mental capability to balance it all so I just take each day as it comes and keep my focus on the relationships that are reciprocal. I love Brene Brown (seriously watch her Netflix special TODAY if you haven't already), and I remember her in a podcast several years ago talking about the gas-fillers and the gas-takers. We all need people who refill our emotional and spiritual tanks and whom you do the same for. Gone are the days for me where I give and give with nothing in return and feel depleted...I'll allow my future clients to pay me for that energy, thank you very much! Speaking of future clients, I was selected to begin my work with real clients in September at a community clinic in North Hollywood! I digressed, but in my regular non-therapist work, I want to laugh a lot. I want to have real-authentic conversations and look you in the eye, preferably over a glass of nice wine. I want to play Nintendo into the wee hours of the morning with my husband as we jam out to Katy Perry or Kirk Franklin or whomever. I want to reply to sweet and thoughtful text messages to a mother-in-law that I never dreamt would even message me to begin with. I want to send funny mi-mojis to my niece and remind her how much she is loved. I want to swim in pools with friends, drag my feet in the sand, barbecue on the back patio, wake board at lake, sleep under the stars. I want to have picnics in the park with my daughter and dogs and watch her read her Hamilton books with so much joy and wonder. And for the first time in a long time, I am going to do just that. Here's to Act II of 2019, bring it on!