Talk on Love

On Valentine's Day, Todd and I spoke in Sacrament meeting. Here is a copy of my talk:

In 2008, there was a high school football game in Texas that changed many people's lives and touched my heart.

Gainesville State School, home of the Tornados,  is a maximum-security juvenile correctional facility. The youth there have committed all sorts of crimes, have little or no family ties, most have at least one parent incarcerated, most are academically behind, and all are emotionally immature.
If they show good behavior, they can have an opportunity to play on their football team. This isn't a fancy football team, it's not even regular. They practice within the fence of the correctional facility, they wear old pads and uniforms, every game is played on the road, they never have anyone in their stands to cheer them on, and they are escorted to and from games by security guards in a prison bus. Leading up to their final game that season in 2008, they had only scored 14 points and had had over 300 points scored on them.

The last game of the season was going to be against Grapevine Faith, a private Christian school. The coach at Grapevine decided that he wanted something more than just a game. In the weeks leading up to the game, the coach sent out messages to the community, asking half of them to do something that they had never done before; cheer for the other team.

The Gainesville Tornados were shocked when they came to the field to find that a 50 yard spirit line- with fans, cheerleaders, and a run-through banner, was waiting for them. They were confused to find that the stands behind them were filled, but were even more shocked when they found that the spectators were cheering for them, and booing at calls against the Tornados. These spectators and parents had learned the names and numbers of each of the players on the Tornado team and were cheering them on as if they were their own kin.

One player for the Tornados commented, “We can tell people are a little afraid of us when we come to the games. You can see it in their eyes, they're looking at us like we're criminals, but these people....they were yelln' for us! By our names!!”

Though the Tornados lost the game, you wouldn't have known it for their joy couldn't had been more full if they'd won the superbowl. After the game, both teams came to the center of the field where a word of prayer was given and love was shared.

When the coach of Grapevine was asked why they were putting so much effort into this game, he replied:
Imagine if you didn't have a home life. Imagine if everybody had pretty much given up on you. Now imagine what it would mean for hundreds of people to suddenly believe in you.
He went on to say, “Here's the message I want you to send, You are just as valuable as any other person on planet Earth”

Elder Rasband  said,“ Love one another; as I have loved you..I”m confident that there is no choice, sin, or mistake that you or anyone else can make that will change His love for you or for them”

We need to love, and show love to all those around us, regardless of who they are and what they have done. My mom use to say, "Those that need love the most, deserve it the least"

I found that this was not always easy, but has been true in my life.

I love being outside, but I hate being cold. Running in Ohio during the winter causes a conflict for me for I need to get outside, yet it can be quite miserable. I have found that the coldest of the runs I have done have also been some of the most rewarding and memorable runs for me.

It's easy to love someone that is your friend, that is in your social circle, who has been kind to you, etc. But sometimes the most rewarding and memorable relationships is when you have loved someone who has offended you, someone outside your social circle, someone that is unkind or unpopular.


As we grow our love, we are able to more clearly see God's love for us and others, and celebrate that love at whomever it is directed towards.

Mikey had witnessed a tender moment that I had with Iralee when she was an infant. Later Mikey said to me, “Mom, I know that you love Iralee”
Somewhat confused at where this conversation was going I replied with, “Ya, and why is that”. 
“Because you picked her up and cried my baby, my baby”
I paused and looked at Mikey, I understood that it brought him joy to see that I loved Iralee that much, so I told him, “I love you just as much”. I witnessed Mikey's face soften with joy as he understood my love for him just a little more.

In his talk, The Other Prodigal son, Elder Holland pointed out that the faithful son was upset, not because his brother had come home, but rather because his father was so happy of his return.

I was thinking about what the difference was in  these two experiences in that in one circumstance the son felt less loved because his father showed love to his brother and in the other, one son felt more loved because his mother showed love to his sister.

What I concluded the difference to be is where the focus is-
In the Prodigal son, the faithful son is concerned about himself and his entitlement and therefore saw his brother as his rival
In the situation with Mikey, he was focused on Iralee. He was being a loving, protective older brother. He saw Iralee as his sister and as my daughter. He did not see my loving Iralee as a competition, but rather as proof of my love for all of my children.

We must learn to understand that each and every person is a daughter or son of our Heavenly Father, and being such, we should treat them with that love.

Elder Renlund stated, “To serve capably, one must serve knowing that everyone we serve “is a beloved Spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and as such, has a divine nature and destiny”
He goes on to say, “To effectively serve others we must see them through a parent's eyes, through Heavenly Father's eyes. Only then can we begin to comprehend the true worth of a soul. Only then can we sense the love that Heavenly Father has for all of His children. Only then can we sense the Savior's caring concern for them.
We cannot completely fulfill our covenant obligation to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort unless we see them through God's eyes”

I have been the recipient, many times, of having someone effectively mourn with me.

When Evelyn was born, it was a tender mercy that not any of my friends, no one in the ward, or any of my close associates were having babies at the same time. It allowed me to focus on Evee's own development timetable and not "see" where she should be with her development.

Evelyn was born with low muscle tone. Because of that, she goes to therapy every week, for several hours, to get her strong enough and coordinated enough to do simple tasks that come so naturally to other kids.

For the first year of her life, therapy was really hard. Evelyn would cry the entire time as she was put into positions that forced her to work her weak muscles. I would come home from these appointments sorrowful, drained, and all around sad.

Through it, I experienced a lot of tough love. As a parent I couldn't rescue Evelyn out of these exercises because I knew they were making her stronger. As a child of God, our Heavenly Father allowed me to go through these experiences to make me stronger and more compassionate.

When Evelyn was about 6 months old, Todd and I brought Evelyn with us to the adult session of stake conference. In the back row sat Sister Herod. If you've ever sat by her, you know a good time is to be had, so we took the opportunity to sit with her.

Shortly after we sat down, two young couples, each holding an infant carrier, sat right in front of us. This was the first time that I had really been this close to a baby her age, and I was somewhat relieved when I discovered that their babies were probably a month or two younger than Evee.

As the meeting went on, the babies in front of me needed to be held. I tried to not look at these babies, tried to not compare their development with my own daughter's.

I was doing really well, until towards the end. Both babies were facing me, leaning against his/her parents' chest, holding up his/her head. I tried to focus on the speaker, but the weight was heavy. I looked down into my own arms, there was my beautiful girl who could not only hold up her head, but had cried and cried the day before when she had to put some weight on her neck.

My heart hurt and I lost it. I'm not one that cries very easily, but the tears were coming down, hard and fast. I was so sad. I was sad for all the pain I had to see my baby go through.

Then I received a wonderful gift. Sister Herod handed me a tissue. It was then that I realized that she too had tears streaming down her cheeks as well. In that moment, no words were exchanged, but no words could have been as powerful or comforting as the love that I felt through that act.

I don't know how much of what was going on in my mind was apparent to Beth, nor does it matter for what matters is that she saw the sadness that I was experiencing, and that made her sad. She truly and whole-heartedly mourned with those who mourned. Through that I felt her love.

Brothers and Sisters, I testify that we are brothers and sisters. That we are Heavenly Father's children. I testify that He loves us. I know that he wants us to love each other, and that when we show and feel that love for others, we can feel the love that Heavenly Father has for us.

End of an Era

A year ago I had a stirring in my heart. Some may say that it was motivated by the below-freezing temps we were experiencing, but I knew that Heavenly Father had something in store for our family. I started feeling that our time in Westlake was limited.
I shared my thoughts with Todd, who replied with, "Aren't you happy here?"
I told him that I was, that in the last 8 years Westlake had not only been my residence, but my home. I have friends who have come to my aid in trying times, I have been understood and welcomed by many, and though I may not have any blood relatives in the area, I feel as though I live among family. Westlake is where we have had 4 children join our family. It's where I grew into my role as a mother. It is the place of my children's earliest memories.
But I couldn't dismiss the feelings I had. Todd asked me what I thought the timeline was, which I really did not know, but I responded that in a year I felt that we would at least be in the process of moving.
Todd thought I was crazy. He had no desire to move. He claimed that he had never been happier in his life, so why would he want to move? I agreed with him, it wasn't that I wanted to move, but I couldn't dismiss my feelings.
My experience has been that the Lord knows what is best for us and our growth. Whenever I have followed His promptings, even when it wasn't what I really wanted to do, things have worked out smoothly and I have felt a lot of peace. Whenever I have decided that I wanted to do my will, things have been difficult, I'm constantly hitting my head against the wall, and I am void of that peace that all will be well.
Though I didn't want to necessarily leave my life in Westlake, I couldn't deny the fact that the Lord was wanting us elsewhere.
I didn't bring up the topic of moving too much with Todd, he was in denial and I wasn't going to push him to do it. There's nothing I hate worst than feeling responsible for someone doing something  that they feel forced, pressured, or tricked into doing.
Todd had only once or twice admitted that we would probably move, only to quickly forget his heart softening and the impressions that had come to him, and once again deny that we would ever leave Westlake. Then in August, Todd came home from a work meeting with something to tell me. His boss had offered Todd a promotion. Even though he had never fully accepted that we were moving, Todd cautioned his boss to the fact that we would be moving...by next summer.
I was shocked when Todd told me this. He hadn't shown any progression towards moving, then suddenly I found myself with the knowledge that it was going to happen. I felt both happy and sad. Sad to have to do all the work involved with moving, but more importantly, sad to move away from the "family" that we had grown to love. Happy for the prospects of a new adventure, happy because of the peace that I felt.
That evening Todd got a call and was asked to meet with a member of the Stake Presidency. He was President of the Young Men's program, and had been for only a year, so we assumed that maybe it had something to do with that.
President Kerr came to our house and Todd met with him as I took care of our many children. After some time, Todd had me come join in their discussion.
Todd had been asked to be a counselor in the Bishopric. Todd told President Kerr about his conversation with his boss earlier that day, but President Kerr seemed confident in that Todd was the one for this calling. He also said something about how the Lord is in charge and works these things out.
After President Kerr left. Todd went into a frenzy. Did he make a mistake by talking to his boss? Should he tell his boss to disregard any plans on moving? Once again Todd felt unsure of the prospect of moving.
I felt calm about it. The thought came to me to notice the sequence of events. Had Todd first talked to President Kerr, he would not have even thought about talking to his boss about moving. Second of all, Todd had not been open to the idea of moving the entire time, but then suddenly one day he is open to it? I felt that God's hand was in this and that it was His will for us to move.
We didn't know where we wanted to move. In some ways it was more difficult for we felt that we could be happy anywhere and we were unsure of how to narrow it down. We talked of Nevada, Wisconsin, Montana, Washington, Virginia, etc...we were open to almost anywhere.
One day Todd came home from work and admitted that it was too difficult having too many choices and that we needed to narrow it down to just a couple of states. He said he thought we should go to the Carolinas. As he said this, I had a warm feeling in my heart as the Spirit confirmed that this was true. I agreed and we started to focus on North and South Carolina.
As we searched for jobs, I found myself wanting to go to North Carolina, my brother had served his mission in North Carolina and I had loved visiting it when he and I went back there shortly after he returned home. But I couldn't kick this nagging feeling that we were probably going to end up in South Carolina.
Long story short, we are going to Columbia, South Carolina. We both feel peaceful about this decision. We don't know anyone from there, and it is scary to go from our comforts in Westlake of knowing so many great people to venture out to somewhere neither of us have ever lived. It really is a leap of faith for us, but as we have gone down this road there have been so many times things have just fallen into place and we have felt the Lord's hand in this change for our family. 
This is an end of an era for our family, but I trust that we are making the right choice.
Go Clemson!

Why Grocery Shopping is Not Fun

Last week I had a couple of hours with only Iralee and Henry with me. I needed to get some groceries, so we stopped at the Aldi's (love that place). Shortly after getting there I saw a friend who had just moved in. She commented on how I always seem so put together and on top of things. Ya...she's new, obviously. A few aisles later, had she witnessed the commotion that went down, she may have changed her opinion.

Here's what happened:

I was looking at something while Iralee ventured about 10 feet away from me to inspect the box of tortillas (she has to ensure quality control).
A little girl, probably around 3 years-old, came from behind. I did not witness this, but I am assuming that Iralee hit this girl. I know that this is something that a parent shouldn't assume of their child, but even though I love Iralee to the moon and back and know that she's wonderful, I also am aware that she's not always perfect.
If I had seen Iralee hit this girl, I would have tried to stop Iralee, or at least given her a swift consequence afterward, but I did not see it. I was unsure of what went down and whether we had one guilty child or two. But the other girl's mother made up for my lack of witnessing the event. She loudly retrieved her daughter. Still uncertain of what had happened, and figuring that the other mother made enough pandemonium for all of us, I just instructed Iralee to come to me and we continued on.
At this point it was incredibly awkward for we were all walking down the same aisle. The mother kept talking very loudly, in a third-person style, about the incident, and not knowing exactly how to respond to this senselessness, I ignored her and her comments.  The little girl was getting upset anytime she got near Iralee, and the other mother was saying to her daughter things like, "Stay away from that girl.....Stay with me.....You don't want to be by her.....Why are you going near her". Incredibly awkward for anyone in the vicinity. 
As I got to the end of the aisle, Iralee ran to the cooler doors. She was so excited to have her freedom to open the doors without any brothers pulling her away from them. I allowed her to be over by the cooler while I inspected some of the produce at the end of the aisle.
The other girl and her mother were near the coolers as well. Even though there are probably 10 cooler doors, the little girl wanted to open the one Iralee was at. The girl was crying about this. Iralee wasn't exactly kind about this dilemea, but at least she wasn't hitting. All the while the mother, who was between me and the girls, was telling her daughter to stay away from Iralee, yet didn't make any physical effort to keep her daughter near her so I figured that it must not have been too much of concern.
I finished with the produce and was ready to continue down the next aisle, so I went over and picked up Iralee. As I was passing the mother, I said, "Sorry about that", apologizing for the stress we were giving her and her daughter.
The mother exploded.
She started tearing into me (as much as you can when someone is walking away because you are just a little crAzy). Among giving me "advice" on how to be a mother and other things, she told me that Iralee needed to apologize. As I walked past her from retrieving my daughter I said "She's two" and kept walking as she continued to condemn me.
The mother did not understand what she was asking for when she was demanding for an apology from Iralee. Iralee is an awesome little girl, and among her many qualities, which can also be difficult to work with, is that she is very independent and very smart. When I want an apology from her, it is not a short and easy process. It is at least 20 minutes of talking, coaxing, reasoning, crying (by both mother and child) and spending time in the corner. I am sure that the other mother would not have wanted to spend that extra time in the store so that she could have the satisfaction of having a two year-old saying sorry.
I do not like Iralee (allegedly...but pretty convinced it happened) hitting another child, not one bit, but as a mother you have to make some choices and call some shots. If it had been any one of my boys, oh they would have done a lot more than just appologize. Or if we had been at a different place it would have been different. Going to the store was not something Iralee necessarily wanted to do (it's not something even I want to do). But had we been at the park, library or another place that Iralee prefered to be, I would have taken the time to get an apology out of her for then her fighting an apology would be taking time away from her fun. But at a grocery store?
However, I get it.
I don't relate to how she responded to the situation, but I think there is a cultural contrast for she did have a strong European accent. But I do understand how she felt, as a mother, having her child be picked on, having her child be innocently menaced.
I use to be in that situation.
I remember when Mikey was Iralee's age another child took the train he was playing with at the library. I was pretty sure the other mother saw, but didn't make her child give the train back to Mikey. I remember being very upset about it, yet I didn't say or do anything....and I'm not really sure I should have.
I was the one who had the child that was the nice, quiet, easy child. It was my child who was innocent. It was my child who didn't hurt a fly. It was my child that was practically perfect (at least in public).
But then
I had more than one kid.
The more kids I have I realize the less I know about being a parent.
It's not that I am getting more stupid (though you may disagree), but rather it's that I am understanding that no two kids are the same, and each kid's situation is different. Though there are some similarities in my children, and some similarities of what they are like at different stages, there are more differences for each child is his/her own individual person.
I have children who would never hit a stranger, or even a friend. I have some kids that are incredibly kind and accommodating to those around them. I have a child who can be aloof to those around him. I have a child that will take offense of anything said about him and will retaliate and I have another that will just start crying. Some behave more socially appropriate, and others fail at it.
Iralee can be very territorial (obviously), but there's also more that is going on than what is seen on the outside.
Multiple times a day Iralee will try to play with her older sister, will get her a sippy cup of milk, will help her in any way she can, yet this is always a gamble. There are times that Evee will respond positively and will play/dance/communicate with Iralee, but at sometime during these interactions Evee will pull Iralee's hair, grab at her clothes, or hit her. Most of the time Iralee will cry out for help while Evee's fingers are still entangled with her curls, but rarely does Iralee ever hit her back (anymore).

I am sorry Iralee hit this woman's daughter. It was unfortunate and embarassing, but Iralee not apologizing does not make her a bad person and mine not forcing her to apologize does not make me a bad mother.  It makes me a mother that is just trying to teach my kids right from wrong while also being aware of each child's needs and situations.

Signing Times

If you have spent any time at our house, you would know that Signing Time is a big hit in our home. Evelyn loves it. She would watch it all day if I let her. I do let her watch it a lot more than I have ever allowed any of my kids to watch TV because it is also educational and has been crucial in her development and her life.
Because of her trach, Evee is not able to vocalize sounds. Her trach, which brings air in and out of her windpipe, sits below her vocal chords. Our vocal chords work as air passes through them; therefore Evee has been mute (though the last couple of months she has been pushing air past her trach and vocal chords, causing her to make some vocal sounds).
Knowing that Evelyn couldn't talk, but that she could hear and was needing and wanting to communicate more, her speech therapist recommended Signing Times. When you have a special needs child, you are willing to spend money on anything you think may help. So, I purchased Signing Times and got started.
Best. Investment. Ever.
Because of Signing Times, we are able to communicate with our daughter. I have been able to learn some sign language quite easily and without a huge time commitment. Evelyn not only has been able to express her needs and wants, but has been able to progress her cognitive development through her signing communication.
When I saw that Rachel Coleman, the founder/creator/songwriter and host on Signing Times was going to be doing a concert just a couple of hours away, I made plans to attend this performance with Evee, Henry, Iralee, and Evee's nurse Carolyn.

The concert was amazing...or I should say that Rachel Coleman was amazing. The concert was in conjunction with a fundraising and awareness walk for Down-Syndrome so the audience was filled with many individuals with special needs and their families and friends.
When the concert started and Rachel came on stage, Evelyn had this confused look on her face. Here was this person she has been watching daily, and she was out of the TV!

It didn't take long for the shock to wear off and for Evee to start "dancing" and signing with the songs.

Rachel made the concert so personal and fun. Kids started wandering up to her and she didn't tell them to go back to their seats, instead she invited any kid that had the desire to come closer and even join her on the stage to sing and sign with her. We brought Evee and Iralee up to the steps and Evee was thrilled. Iralee even went on stage for a bit, following Rachel around. My girls were in heaven, and I was there too for I got to see their joy.

After the concert we were able to meet with Rachel and take a picture with her. Unfortunately Iralee refused to be in the picture, but Evelyn allowed Rachel to hold her.

 Not many people can say that their favorite celebrity not only took a picture with them, but held them up.

Thank you Rachel!

Henry Frew

 

My due date was August 26th, but after my last three babies were 10 days overdue, August 26th meant nothing more than signifying that I had a week and a half left in my pregnancy. My mom was so confident in my inability to have a baby "on time" that she scheduled to fly here the 27th of August. I had even sent the younger two boys, William and Grant, to Utah to spend a week with my mom, only to have them return, with my mom, on the 27th.
My entire pregnancy I was planning on having this baby in September. The last three weeks had been miserably uncomfortable, especially with Evelyn and Iralee bouncing on my belly whenever I held them, and the strain of carrying Evelyn everywhere. I had lots of Braxton-Hicks contractions as well, but I just accepted the reality that this pregnancy was going to last for awhile.
Tuesday morning, August 25th, Mikey came into my room saying that Roger thought my water will break that day. I started questioning just how smart it was for me to write down the baby's due date on the family calendar seeing that I would have to endure the boys questioning if every day was going to be the day the baby would be born.
Throughout the day I did feel a little different at times, but just excused it off as Braxton-Hicks contractions. I had been having those for the last four weeks, just as I had my previous pregnancies, and saw no need to think I would have this baby any earlier than usual.

Around 4 that afternoon, while desperately trying to get some much-needed rest by lying with the girls on the trampoline (ya, it didn't work), I realized that the contractions were a little different than what I had been experiencing the last few weeks. Even though I wasn't timing them, they seemed to be evenly spaced. Also, rather than a long, dull, crampy feeling, the uncomfortability and pain seemed to be coming in waves, having a bit of a climax in the middle.
BUT
I wasn't ready to have the baby. I was just reaching my due date. I hadn't gotten any of the baby items out of storage. I wanted William and Grant to be at the birth. My mom was coming into town to help me on Thursday. To add to all of that, Todd was scheduled to work Wednesday and Thursday, then had the following 4 days off. It was just not part of my plan to have the baby before Thursday. I refused to accept that it could happen before then.
The rest of the afternoon and evening, I went about doing more of the normal stuff I do each day, all while trying to ignore these contractions. They weren't terribly painful, I just didn't like how consistent they had been.
With all my other births, there had been times that I had questioned if I was in labor, but wasn't. But whenever I was in labor, I knew it, no questioning, just knew. This time I was questioning if I was in labor, but since it didn't fit my schedule, I was in denial in believing I wasn't in labor.
Todd got home from work just in time to pick the boys up from Scouts. I told him that there was a chance that I may be in the early stages of labor. He was excited, but then he started feeling anxiety, but you wouldn't know it for he went to pick the boys up from Scouts and came home over an hour later (he had to make sure all the other kids had gotten picked up).
Todd had obviously told the boys that there was a possibility of me being in labor for the boys ran into the house asking if the baby was here.
We knelt down for our evening family prayer. Roger said the prayer and specifically prayed for the baby that would be born "in the next 24 hours".  Afterwards I told Roger that there was a good chance that the baby wouldn't be born that soon.
I was so sure that by lying down and going to sleep the contractions would go away and I would awaken the next morning without any contractions and the thought that I may have been in labor would just be a silly memory.
As I was trying to doze off, I kept having contractions. I convinced myself it was all mental and concentrated harder to keep my mind off of the contractions. I finally feel asleep, for about 2 hours, but then at 1:30 I woke up to the contractions continuing and not going away.
It became a moment of truth. If they weren't contractions, I wouldn't have them in my sleep. Also, if it was real labor, I needed to call my midwife so she would have enough time to get here (she missed Grant's birth).
I didn't want to admit I was in labor, but I also didn't want to have the baby without a midwife. I woke up Todd and we made the call to Pam.
Ten minutes later Iralee came bobbling into our room. This is not unusual, but I swear she could sense something was going on. She lied down on the bed between Todd and I and gave us a lot of hugs and smiles.
The contractions weren't terrible, but I couldn't sleep through them, so I just continued to rest in bed , or read stories to Iralee, while I dealt with the waves of pain.

When a contraction came, I focused my mind on breathing in and out deeply while counting slowly. I also tried to think about my body naturally making the changes it needed in order to go through labor.
When Pam arrived at 2:45, she came to my room and found the lights on low, soft music playing, and me snuggling Iralee.
We started timing my contractions and I was disappointed to find out they varied between 7-10 minutes apart. I felt as though if I would get up, walk around, bounce on the birthing ball, etc, I could speed up the process, but at the same time, I really enjoyed resting on my bed between contractions, listening to the peaceful music, and letting my mind relax.
When I am faced with pain, I want to just face it and get through it. With labor pains I just want to hurry and endure them so I can finish, but sometimes we need to enjoy those hard times. I know this sounds weird. I have had the same thoughts on running marathons. At times during the race, I just wish it was over, but then I remember all the months of hours of training that I had done to get my body and my mind able to run a marathon. After all that preparation, I only have very few hours to actually run the marathon. Yes, while training and running I look at the end result, but I only get a comparatively short time to experience what I train for, so why not enjoy it. The same with labor. Your body prepares for 9 months for the time to bring another life into the world. On top of all that, you only have the opportunity to go through so many labors in your lifetime, so why not enjoy the journey, no matter how painful. Also, how we deal with the pain in those moments really helps us to see who we are and what we can endure. So even though I am sure that I could have sped things up,
I am grateful that I just took a moment to breathe and enjoy the moment.
Around 4:30 my contractions seemed more powerful, but not necessarily more frequent. We found out I was at a 7, which could mean half an hour or still several hours.
Todd woke up Mikey and Roger. They came and lied down on the bed. They were excited for this baby to come out, but they too were very tired.
The intensity of the contractions was increasing. I could no longer endure just lying down during one. I would either get on my hands and knees or I would stand and lean against the bed.  During the contractions Todd applied pressure to my lower back while Roger massaged my shoulders or rubbed my back. Iralee, following Roger's lead, rubbed my back as well.
The contractions were painful, but still manageable. In some ways I welcomed the contractions for they meant progression.
While resting in between contractions Pam told me I needed to start thinking of where I wanted to deliver the baby for a strong contraction could bring it to pushing time. I had done a water birth with Grant and had tried to do it again with Evee (but that didn't work) and I had wanted to do a waterbirth with Iralee but found myself ready to push without the tub being filled. I wanted to have this baby in the tub.
As we got things ready, Mikey took the initiative to make sure I got a priesthood blessing. He got Todd's keys, with the oil vial on the key ring, and brought them to Todd.
Todd gave me a blessing. I felt a lot of love and peace from it.
After that I moved to the tub. The water was scalding, so I added cold water. The water relaxed my body and caused my contractions to hold off for several moments.
Soon I started getting contractions, and as I felt more and more pressure in my lower back. I knew that I was getting closer to pushing.
I had a hard time getting in a good position to deal with the contractions, or to push. While sitting, I found myself sliding onto my back. I got on my knees and rested my arms on the side of the tub. In this position I felt as though I could deal with the contraction better, but it wasn't ideal for pushing.
As my next contraction rose, I felt the deep pressure in my back and knew that the time to push had come.
Whenever someone gives birth, you know that it's time to push for that is when the mother hits the wall and doesn't feel that she can go anymore.
Well, I lost. my. mind. I started crying. I felt that I should turn around, but the pain did not make it an easy transition. I turned around. I felt the urge to push, but in my panic I was unsure if I should push or even how to push. Looking back, I think there is some lingering trauma of my experience of attempting to deliver Evee in the tub. My body found itself in a similar situation and was scared that it was a repeat.
Though I was scared and in pain, I started to push. As I started pushing, I felt something come down, then I felt the "Ring of Fire". I paused for a moment, as my contraction paused as well, then started pushing again.
Pop!
The head came out and, oh, what relief. Again my contractions paused, so did I. I was told that the baby's head came out with the bag of waters still intact. 
The cord was wrapped around the baby's neck, so Todd tried unwrapping it, but I had started pushing again. The baby came out, entangled in the cord, but not dangerously wrapped in it. I didn't know the cord was like that, so after the baby came out, Todd and Pam were unwrapping the cord while the baby was still in the water. It took them less than a moment to do this, but it allowed me to be the first to grab my baby from the water.

I brought the baby into my arms and was so happy to have him there. One of the boys was asking if the baby was a boy or a girl, but I just wanted to hug my baby, I didn't care what the gender was.
When I did pull the baby away to look, I was not surprised to find that we had a baby boy. A perfect baby boy, our perfect Henry.

Iralee, who had stayed awake through the night, had been excited each time Pam had listened to the baby's heart rate. She seemed to understand a little that a baby was coming. By the time I got into the tub, her exhaustion got the better of her. She wanted to get into the tub with me and cried when we wouldn't let her. Roger took her into my room and got an iPod for her. During the commotion of the final stage of labor, Iralee came back into the bathroom in time to see me deliver the baby. She seemed a little offish afterwards, refused to call him "Baby Henry", but rather insisted on "Baby Shon" (my nephew's name).
Afterwards Roger took Iralee downstairs where she quickly fell asleep. After her nap she came into my room. While at the door she was still hesitant towards Henry, but I invited her up onto my bed. She came over and in no time she had fallen in love with her new baby brother.

Mikey, who loves science, hates blood and guts. When Iralee was born, Roger cut the umbilical cord, but Mikey refused to even watch. Before Henry's delivery, Todd convinced Mikey to cut the cord; which he did. After the cord was cut, Roger was the first person to hold Henry as he took him into my room and waited for me to join them.

Todd helped me to my bed where we got some alone time with the baby. He is so perfect.

During those crazy moments before the birth, and immediately after I question myself on why I didn't just go to the hospital and have an epidural. To be pain-free would be amazing, but nothing beats the peace and comfort of being in your own bed, in your own home, with a lot less distractions and protocol.

All day I got to be in my room, on my bed, with Henry, being able to just sleep. The only people coming in and out of my room (and not too frequently) were my family.

After the birth I was so tired and sore. I could barely stay awake while Pam did a check-up on Henry and myself.

After Pam finished, Henry, Todd, and I fell fast asleep. It was the most glorious rest I remember having in a long time. I felt so much satisfaction having my baby with me.

I use to think that births went similarly, especially for the same mother, but I realize that is not true. Mine have all been different. My first two were induced, next two I woke up in the early morning to contractions and had the baby by the early afternoon. The two girls' labor started with the water breaking, one's labor took 40 hours, the other 4 hours. With Henry, I had contractions start in the early evening and delivered early the next morning. I've had 3 planned hospital births and 3 home births, and 1 birth that was attempted to be at home but transferred to the hospital. I've had 2 water births, 3 births without any pain medication, and 4 with an epidural.

But even though each of these children come from the same mother and father, they are each very different. They all have their own personalities. It is so fun to get to know them, to have relationships with them. That is one thing I love about having children is the fact that you will get to know their personalities and who they are more and more each day.

The more children I have, the more sacred the birth, and the more emotional I get during the first time I am meeting my child. Partly because I realize more of how this child will impact my life, how much I will be willing to do and sacrifice for this child, how much I love this child. Birth is the one place where you truly get to fall in love at first sight.

When I was in labor, but the contractions were still manageable, I was wishing that I could get lucky and deliver without too much pain. Then the thought came to me, "but don't you want to endure that pain and earn that self-award of triumphing over it". In the moment, yes, I would happily skip the pain and the fear, but now, after the fact, I am grateful for the intensities of the experience. I am grateful to have experienced the sacrifices necessary to have Henry in my life.

During the first 20 minutes after birth, while the memory of the pain was still very real, I thought to myself that I wasn't sure that I would have another baby. But now I would do it all over again, and I would do it again just for Henry. I would again spend months sick on the couch. I would again spend 9 months with low energy levels. I would again spend months being uncomfortable and large. I would again go through painful labor for him. He is worth the sacrifices.

Though it isn't enjoyable, I am grateful for the opportunity I have to make these sacrifices for someone else. Carrying a child in your womb, being a mother, is such an awesome privilege. I often forget that and think selfishly about what my needs are and what I want. I'm grateful for experiences
that remind me that one of God's greatest gifts to us is the opportunity to selflessly serve someone else.

Evelyn responded more favorably to Henry than she did when Iralee was born. She had, and still has no desire to hold or hug Henry, and she still pushes him away if I put him near her, but she is intrigued by him. She likes to watch me nurse him and will sign, "Baby Henry eat milk".

 William and Grant came in the following day and were very much in love with their new little brother.

 I think we all are.

Henry Frew was born on August 26, 2015

Book of Mormon

I recently inquired of joining a Christian Homeschool group. Though this group prided itself on accepting Christians of all Denominations, I was straight-up denied acceptance for I could not sign their Statement of Faith. Within their Statement of Faith, they agree to "recognize the Bible to be the only inspired Word of God".

I believe the Bible to be the Word of God. I study it's teachings and follow it's doctrine. But for this group, belief in the Bible is not enough. I would have to believe that the Bible is the only record of God's dealing and revelations to man. The word only is keeping me out.

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Many know us as "Mormons", a nick-name that others have given us because of the book of scriptures we have received called The Book of Mormon. The Book of Mormon does not replace the Bible, but rather is "Another Testament of Christ". Just as in the Bible we learn of God's revelations, teachings and commandments given to man through God's prophets, in The Book of Mormon we learn of God's revelations, teachings, and commandments given to prophets in a different part of the world. The teachings and commandments found in The Book of Mormon all focus on the same purpose as the Bible, to convince man that Jesus is the Christ, the Redeemer, and that there is no other way to Salvation except through Him.

When I asked a representative of this homeschool group if the word "only" was just a short-sided insertion, she immediately made it clear that it was intentional.  I was dumbfounded. I could understand being excluded if I didn't believe in the Bible, or if the group were all inclusive to one denomination, but instead I found this thinking to be totally exclusive to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Unfortunately this is not the only group nor people that have these feelings towards my beliefs, and particularly about The Book of Mormon.

This makes me very sad for I love The Book of Mormon and have found so much peace from studying it's words.  It is something that has helped me so much in my life, it's words are simple, it's message of love is clear.

This made me wonder why there are people that love the words of God found in the Bible but have such an aversion to the messages found in The Book of Mormon.

The answer is ignorance.

That is why I have felt directed to write this post.

I am not asking that you believe The Book of Mormon to be true. What I am asking is that you allow yourself to understand what The Book of Mormon is, what it's teachings are.

Consider these passages:

I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them. (1 Nephi 3:7)

And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins. (2 Nephi 25:26)

 Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance, that they may be rich like unto you.

 But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.

 And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted. (Jacob 2: 17-19)

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God. (Mosiah 2:17)

Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

 And again, believe that ye must repent of your sins and forsake them, and humble yourselves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart that he would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them. (Mosiah 4:9-10)

The Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; (Alma 7:13)

And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

 And see that ye have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works. (Alma 7:23-24)

 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall. (Helaman 5:12)

 And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;

   But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

    That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good. (3 Nephi 12:43-45)

The Book of Mormon is so special to me. I am not asking you to accept The Book of Mormon as scripture, I am asking you to consider that it is a book that teaches things harmonious to the Bible, a book that encourages Christ-like behavior, encourages faith in Christ, a book who's central message is that Christ loves us.


To learn more about the Book of Mormon, go here.

To get your own free copy of the Book of Mormon, go here.

Indianapolis Temple

The LDS church recently completed a temple in Indianapolis. After a temple is completed and before it is dedicated, the church holds an open house, which is where people can come tour the inside of the temple. This allows people to see what the inside of a temple looks like.

Since Indianapolis is only 5 hours away, we took this opportunity to bring our kids to see the inside of the temple.

The temple is gorgeous, very fine craftsmanship and detailed work went into this building.

The boys enjoyed being in the temple, Evee was okay with it,

but Iralee was less than thrilled.

To keep the floors clean amongst all the foot traffic, we were given booties to wear over our shoes before going inside. Iralee did not like this idea and refused to put them on her feet. Well, that problem was solved by holding her.

Since Todd was holding Evee, who is quite heavy, I got the opportunity to hold Iralee...who is lighter but more determined to get out of my arms. This struggle was amplified by my big pregnant belly.

When we finally got outside, Iralee was happy for her freedom, but wanted to make us pay for forcing her to stay in my arms for such a long time. In retaliation she refused to smile in any of the pictures, or even stand still for them.

I will say that it didn't help that it was super warm outside.

The temple is a very important place for us. It is where we learn more about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, we learn more about our purpose here on earth, and it is where our families are sealed enabling us to live with our family forever. I love the temple and because of my testimony of it, I always strive to share it's goodness with my children.

While in the Celestial room I went up to each of my boys and asked them individually, "Can you promise me that one day we can be in the Celestial room all together as a family again." Though my boys were not near each other while I asked them this, each one said no.

William told me, "I don't know if I'll get married in this temple".
Every temple has a Celestial room. We didn't necessarily need to all be together in the Indianapolis temple's Celestial room, but in any temple's Celestial room. 
Then I asked them if they could make temple attendance a goal and a priority in their lives, to which they all answered in the affirmative.

Despite Iralee's convincing efforts, it was a great time to spend as a family.