I've been having a hard few days. We lost another baby. We've had an idea this may happen, but didn't want to worry everyone unnecessarily, cause we know how much everyone is pulling for us and our babies. At our 12 week appointment we had an NT
(Nuchal Translucency is an ultrasound test. It screens for Down syndrome (trisomy 21, meaning an extra copy of chromosome 21) and other disorders that are caused by extra copies of chromosomes (trisomy 13, trisomy 18), as well as congenital heart defects. Fetuses who have an extra chromosome may have more fluid at the base of their necks — a spot known as the nuchal fold — and this can make their necks larger. This fluid can be measured on a sonogram during weeks 11 to 14 when the base of the neck is still transparent.) scan on all 3 babies again, we had done the week before and they were all perfect, so we were not worried about it. We watched calmly and I saw the ultrasound tech measuring each one on the identical set and it was perfect. Then she was struggling with finding the fraternal's and then I saw that it was super thick, I asked her if that was it and she said, "Yes, I'm going to go get the Dr." Not what we were wanting to hear. So we listened to what the Dr thought was happening and his recommendations. He wasn't sure what it was and there was a 50% of it being nothing, but wanted to do a CVS(where they get a sample of the baby's placenta via a long needle) to test to know for sure in 2 days. We left and I cried and I knew instantly that I did not want to do anymore tests, but I knew that the health of the other 2 babies were at risk if it was something other than Down Syndrome or a heart defect. We would welcome a baby with Down Syndrome(or/and a heart defect) and was not scared of that. But we knew Trisomy 13 or 18 would not let the baby have life outside the womb AND could cause me to deliver much to soon and bring complications to the other two babies. I felt peace right after I let myself have a good cry and we decided to not worry so much and to not be hasty in our decisions till we knew more. Seth and my Dad gave me a beautiful blessing to help me to do just that afterwards as well.
I consulted with a couple friends who have experienced this type of situation and got great advice and hope from them and we went to our next appointment feeling prepared to tell the Dr we did not want to do the CVS test. We decided we wanted to wait to see if the ultrasounds could give us more info and wait for an Amnio
(Amniocentesis is a prenatal test in which a small amount of amniotic fluid is removed from the sac surrounding the fetus for testing) in a few weeks, if anything. The placenta of the baby was just too close to my bowels and intestines to get a good clear path to do a CVS safely and the Dr could not tell where the baby's placenta ended and the twins begin, cause they are right next to each other. So that meant if the test came back normal that we would think it was the twins and need to do an Amnio on top of that. Doubling the risk to the pregnancy. I know the risk of those are not high, but we have tried too long and too hard to be okay with any risk to these babies. So after talking to the Dr he agreed that the best choice was just to wait, it was such a relief that he understood and agreed with us! Love him!!
We came back the next week on Halloween and the Dr was able to see signs on the ultrasound that the baby did not have Trisomy 13 or 18. He was sure that if it was something, it would be Down Syndrome and possibly a heart defect and those things would not effect the pregnancy or the other 2 babies. It was a good day and we were so happy we had waited!! We decided to keep moving forward with only ultrasounds, no Amnio since we were fine with those and we would know more clearly of what to expect in the weeks to come.
So this week I went to a regular OB appointment and decided to take my Mom and Mitch with me cause Seth was working and I wanted them to be able to see the babies. I was excited for them both to see them moving and see how cute they are! The OB checked on the twins first and then moved over to the fraternal baby. I immediately noticed that it wasn't moving as much as it normally did and said so, it usually moves so much that it's hard for them to get the heartbeat. There was movement, but we weren't sure if it was from it or from the twins because they are all so close in there. Plus the ultrasound machine at the OB office is not very good in comparison to the high risk Dr's machine. I already had an appointment scheduled for the next day with the high risk Dr, so she warned me that we may have lost the baby and that he would be able to tell us tomorrow for sure. I felt awful that my Mom had to witness that, she was so great and supportive tho!! Mitch did not have a clue what was happening and I decided to stay positive till we knew for sure. Then Obama won the election that night, let's just say that didn't help!
The next morning was hectic cause our Dr appointment had been moved up, I was trying to get Mitch taken care of, while waiting for Seth to get home from work and cleaning up for our new couch delivery we had scheduled for that day. As I was doing the dishes I had a little breakdown. And then Seth got home and I had another breakdown on our drive to the Dr, I just knew something was wrong. We got there and I watched a woman cry in the waiting room while her husband was trying to console her. I felt bad for her and thought how blessed we were to have 2 other babies who were doing good still. When we got to the room the Dr had not been aware of how my appointment went the day before, so we told him and they got the ultrasound started. We immediately saw that we did indeed lose the baby. There was no heartbeat, no movement and I felt sad, Seth was sad which made me sadder. We then focused on the twins, measured them, redid the NT scan and everything was perfect. The Dr said that we are such an unusual case and that he did not foresee the twins doing so much better than the other two. He complimented us on being wise in our decisions and following our heart and gut, not listening to the advice to reduce the twins from our IVF Dr. If we had not made the decisions we had, that we would have no babies right now. I am so thankful for that, so thankful for Heavenly Father's hand in all of these decisions. For the comfort I have felt when I needed it, for the love shown to us from family and friends as we've dealt with this! I know how blessed we are, but I still mourn the babies we've lost. We were so excited for them, after the first initial shock! We had started to give up so much and were willing to sacrifice a lot to bring them here safely. And not having them just makes my heart hurt. So far I've had moments that are good and moments that are not. These are the things that help me focus on the positive...
*We have no regrets for decisions we've made, we gave them over to the Lord and will be blessed for it.
*We still have 2 healthy babies that have defied the odds.
*We have a healthy 3 and a half year old who is super excited for these babies.
*The chances of having the babies really early and causing problems have significantly diminished.
*Which means hopefully no NICU time and the babies will be able to come home with us right away.
*It also means I will have very little, hopefully even no hospital bed rest before the babies get here.
*Bed rest will most likely happen at home now and I won't have to be away from Seth or Mitch for that time.
*We won't have to get a new car.
*I will be able to breastfeed easier and hopefully not have to rely so much on pumping and formula to help feed them.
*We can get a smaller stroller, instead of the $1,000 triple stroller that would be the only way to get out of the house on my own.
*Less diapers to purchase and change.
But as I read these I also know that we would have done anything and did to have 4 babies in ours and your arms... so that's where I'm at. Trying to stay positive. It's hard for me to talk about without getting emotional, I'm not sure that will ever change. And that's why I'm so glad I have this outlet to not only document, but to share with others who care so much for us and what we are going through. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to reach out to each person who does care for us in a more personal way to tell you. But I just can't, it's too hard to talk about for me. I'd be a wreck and no one wants or needs to see that. It just isn't great news to share, so I wanted to get past it so the healing can begin. I have faith it will and I know in time it will get easier. We hope to have better news in the next week if all things cooperate and for now we look forward to that! I made a fun little sidebar voting thing so you can put in your guesses in the meantime! Thanks for reading, understanding AND loving us and our babies!
