...right???...

Your house looks like this too, right???

Let's be honest. I don't like drop in visitors. You know, when people just knock on your door un announced?? Mostly because 90% of the time, my house looks like this...

I'm trying to thank my lucky stars they are still little, because the only think I think I dislike more than cleaning up toys, is cleaning up after smelly teenagers...yuck.

You buy yellow Windex, right???

No? Um...you totally should.

Nothing meets Kellie Knapp cleanliness standards until it's been misted with a light layer of yellow Windex. It's ANTI BACTERIAL, people! Something blue Windex is not. PLUS it has a lemony “no, for real, this smells super duper clean” smell to it that pretty much gives me a contact high. I just checked and I have a bottle of yellow Windex in each bathroom, 2 in the kitchen and 3 in the garage on my “ backup cleaning supply” shelf. That is 7 bottles of yellow Windex under one roof. What can I say, I'm a believer. I've converted a handful of people to yellow Windex and I hope to convert you as well. Go, buy, smell, disinfect, and thank me later. PS Windex did not pay me for this....Windex doesn’t even know who the heck I am. Although when I'm famous I will gladly endorse their product in trade for a lifetime supply of yellow Windex. All this talk makes me want to go take a whiff right now....ah?

Your husband takes your kids out in public like this, right???

No?

We live a half a mile from Whitefish Lake, and apparently my husband thinks the dress code is "cross dressing, ghetto fabulous".

It's cool that I bought the Justin Beiber CD today, right???

There I was, perusing Amazon and next thing I know the 13 year old girl version of me with a nasty case of Beiber fever had purchased the whole cd. I told my redhead what I'd done and he was like...”um, Ok??” Don't act like you don't shake your bootie to “Boyfriend” everytime you hear it. Although, I do think he looks like a girl who wants to look like a boy,even though he really is a boy...right??? 


Deodorant gives you cancer, right?

Well not deodorant, but the aluminum in the deodorant, right?

Every SINGLE time I've put on deodorant for the last 10 years, I'm think " Well, I really hope this doesn't give me cancer..."

EVERY. STINKING.TIME.

Who lives like this??? I think it, yet I still put it on?

Today I decided to put an end to the madness and at Target, I spent the extra $1.50 on the "Toms" brand, aluminum-free deodorant.. OF COURSE, I got the scent free kind because a long, long time ago, my BES FWEN informed me that "there are two things that should never be scented and those things are deodorant and tampons" How did I never know how much sense that makes? You are welcome for passing on that life changing advice.  I will let you know if I'm cancer free in a a few years. And if I am, then it MUST be the switch to aluminum free right? ugh.

Your 4 year old daughter gets black eyes, right???

Macy had an  unfortunate run in with the corner seam of the couch during a game she calls "Monster Grab". Last week she lost a pinky nail to a game called " Monster Door". In the interest of my children's health and safety, I'm henceforth banning all games that start with the word monster.

You should see the looks we get when we are out in public. We make sure we are extra nice and sweet to her because the second we yell at her in public, someone is going to see it, then see the black eye, and then call CPS.

Your husband read the Hunger Games, right???

I recently took the kids out of town, leaving my redhead to be a lone man in the wilderness for 7 days. He attended work meetings, went camping, took the raft out on the lake, cleaned the carpets and couches, and started reading the Hunger Games. WHAT?? My husband is no stranger to books, but most of the books he reads are church, political, or self improvement books. It's rare he reads fiction, but when he does, it's usually something like David Mccullough or something similar. So when I came home and he mentioned something about Finnick and Haymitch I was like “ Como say WHAAAT???” He saw the movie with me, so he started on book 2 ( much to my dismay) and read it quickly. We'll see how long it takes him to crack open the 3^rd book. I know of husbands who have read it, but I would have never guess THIS husband would have read it. And just for the record... I LIKE IT.

...now signing autographs...

I never blog because I have NO bloody clue what to blog about. Remember when I used to blog all the time? I looked back and it's like I had this crazy ability to pull random ideas out of nowhere and turn them into blogs. Really folks, it's like I've had an idea-ectomy. Or maybe I'm just getting boring and old. I think the only choice we have here is to face a steady decrease of excitement in my blogs, or just never blog. So far I've gone with the latter. But maybe, with all your prayers and fasting,  JUST MAYBE, I can bring this blog back from the dead.

I do have an ulterior motive for wanting to re commit to blogging, and here it is....I've decided the next step in my life is to become famous. Obviously.

Before I elaborate, I'll say this....and I've said it before... My #1 dream job from the time I was 15 was to be a stay at home mom and wife. Although, from the time of it's inception, this dream did include a large collection of designer, crazy hot, shoes and a black escalade to roll around town in, NEITHER of which I own. But even WITHOUT those added bonuses, I still consider myself to be "living my dream."

And if it's any consolation, I DO have 3 different colors of winter snow boots... even if they ARE from Target...

So, YAY!!! I get to wake up and live out my diaper changing, mail fetching, toilet scrubbing, Ellen watching, menu planning, pin re-pinning, dinner cooking, baby kissing, husband loving, dream life.  I HONESTLY do thank my lucky stars for both my super crazy hott red head and my fun size BFF kids. I'm crazy blessed in the family department and would not change ONE stinking thing.

But even with all of that....a girl can still dream, and that continued dreaming has turned into a burning desire to be famous.

The problem?

How does one go from a chubby, stay at home, Montanan, mother of 2 to a wildly famous television, movie, and internet sensation???

I narrowed down my possibilities as far as which paths I could to take to get famous and I came up with 4 options...

#1 A sex tape...though wildly in demand, I'm not sure this is the type of thing I'd like to use to springboard me into stardom. I mean I want to be known for something OTHER than a total hottie...BA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!...back to the drawing board.

#2 Food network. It just makes sense. I'm outgoing, loud, comfortable in front of a camera an I love, love, love to eat. But for some reason the food network isn't just handing shows out to random women with no culinary experience, even if I do occasionally make a chocolate cake that is so good you'll wanna slap your grandma.

#3 Star in my own/someone else's reality show. I have always thought my life was crazy enough for reality tv, but I guess on paper " Two Mormons raising a family in Montana, whilst driving a minivan to and from Target and Costco" just doesn't scream "Mega Hit" to any TV producers. I am still holding out my dream of staring in.....

I still need to call Andy Cohen and get him on board with the whole idea.

#4 Try and pull a Pioneer Woman. From a ranch in the middle of Oklahoma, she started with one blog, turned them into 5 blogs, turned those into a big huge blog, and then turned that into cameos on good morning America and eventually her own cooking show.

After careful consideration I've decided option #4 is the ONLY way I have a shot a fame. As it stands I have 3 blogs. Next step is to ACTUALLY update them, and then obnoxiously promote myself on facebook and then try and get people to let me guest post on THEIR blogs so they can come to my blog and see how I make blog posts about nothing.... which sounds like a airtight plan to become famous right??? I think the end goal here is a talk show. Yes. A day time talk show where I interview famous people and give my audience tons of free stuff...and YOU as my friend, could very well be the recipient of said free things. I vow here and now to never forget who was with me from the beginning. I won't be fooled by the rocks that I got, I'm still, I'm still Kellie from the block.

P.S. J-lo, I just realized "got" and "block" DO NOT, in fact, rhyme. And here you've had me fooled for the last 10 years.

P.P.S. Ben Affleck has NEVER been hotter than he was when he was with J-Lo. I love me some Ben.

P.P.P.S Those ps's were for you Auntie Sylvia :)

Do I seem ridiculous??? Am I convincing enough that the ONLY next step in my life's journey is to become famous??  I think fame would suit me well!!  I mean, I've ALREADY had plastic surgery, I ALREADY wear fake eyelashes, I already get along REALLY well with rich people, and I already LOVE expensive things. IT JUST MAKES SENSE!!!

So to kick off my " I'm getting famous through my network of blogs" plan, I've updated, not only this here blog, but both my KIDS blog and my Butt is Shrinking blog. Go, read, enjoy, and then tell your tv producer friend that you have some overly confident friend living in northern Montana, who is completely delusional and thinks she qualifies for some sort of fame. THEN tell them to call me and together we can make me famous.