Dept. of corrections: This earlier posting, which I thought sounded too good (or bad, as the case may be) to be true, was in fact not true. Please disregard.

On the post below, my reference to Alias being played "completely straight" referred to the tone of the show, not its perceived sexual preference. Sorry for any confusion, but I thought it went without saying that a TV show cannot have a "sexual preference".

A nice piece here skewers the most pretentious man alive.

"Susan" suggests this 12-step program might do me some good.

Its time to check the mailbag:

A laconic friend writes:
1.There are no liars at Joxer's.
2.Coach Cock WILL be available for the 2006 World Cup.
3.I'm ecstatic that Algore is busy picking up filtered cigarette butts from the gutters and stenciling fishbones with the phrase "No dumping" next to sewer drains than leading our country at this time.
4.Back in May I distinctly remember a certain bespectacled, shiny headed attorney predicting the Lakers would not repeat (or "Threepeat" as you unoriginal Laker fans call it) this season.
5.I'll take Rowan & Martin over Shaq & Kobe anytime.

No liars? Haven't you ever gotten a bill from Christine or Dakota? I'm getting tired of so-called friends falsely impugning my integrity and my wisdom and foresight in predicting that the Lakers would get their trey. Please take the time to review my posts last week, after Games 2 and 3 of the Finals. I'm glad that Hitchcock will be available in 2006, as he might have a choice of several teams to coach, including our neighbors to the south. I will ignore your insult about the President. Quit harassing me.
~
Some of you took exception to my comments about Lena Olin, to wit:

About to be jumped? That show jumps everytime she says, "I was working for the people I thought I was fighting against".


or this, from someone whose evil twin is the basis for Laura Bristow:


What have you got against Lena Olin? I'm definitely not a lesbian -- not that there is anything wrong with that -- and yet I find her incredibly sexy. A dark haired Swede -- what a great combination.
BTW, was hanging at a new hotspot called Koi the other night, and Jennifer Garner's love interest from Alias (you know, her "CIA handler") was at the next table. I stared at him all night.

I'm not a lesbian either, although I often think I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. Seriously, no one is going to understand any of this without some background. One of the best shows on TV right now is an ABC series called Alias. It's stars an impossibly gorgeous actress named Jennifer Garner (Sydney Bristow), and is basically like a James Bond or Indiana Jones movie, except its played completely straight; no bad jokes or puns, no smirks or winks from the hero to leaden the atmosphere, and even the bad guys are three-dimensional. The heroine gets into her fair share of fights, and in a TV-first, every so often gets the crap beat out of her, making the character sort of like a female Jim Rockford. Its largely a no-name cast. This is a good place to go if you want more info on the series; if you are just getting into the show, or if you need an explanation as to what some obscure group or reference (incl. anything to do with "Rambaldi artifacts"), that's where you go, or go to the official website ABC has for the show. As the first writer pointed out, its entirely reasonable to believe that the show already jumped the shark, but then again, its entirely reasonable to tell a 5-year old that there is no Santa Claus.

Anyway, without giving away too many plot twists, Swedish actress Lena Olin was recently cast as a woman very close to our heroine, a character that can be described as a cross between Keyser Soze, Harry Lime, and "Karla" from the Le Carre spy novels. My disappointment with the casting centers around my feeling that the show could have been a bit more creative. Ms. Olin, for those of you who may have forgotten, was a star back in the late-80's-early 90's, and was (I think) nominated for an Oscar. Her career has slowed down in the last ten years, to the point that she now basically plays evil semi-attractive women in every film, similar to her memorable character in Romeo Is Burning. The low point has to be her supporting role in Queen of the Damned; every actress who basically wants to the follow the Karen Black route just needs to do one Anne Rice movie.

Nevertheless, that downturn has more to do with poor choices than a lack of talent; I have no doubt she will pull off the character. But as the other letter reminds us, this show is always on the verge of slipping off the precipice into self-parody. Its pretty much survived without "stars", and although I would have preferred, for purely fetishistic reasons, that they had cast Mimi Rogers in the role, I believe that hiring another talented but non-famous actress would have been a better move. Besides, how do you kill off Lena Olin?

P.S. On your last point, the name of the actor you were stalking at Koi is Michael Vartan. And remember, whatever you do, please do not tell Scott what you really do for a living.

Damn hackers. Disregard the previous post.
~

Predictions:

Mexico 3, U.S. 1: Mexico will dominate possession and pick apart the pathetic U.S. defense; if the U.S. falls behind early, look for an even higher scoring game, with Donovan and O'Brien setting up many good scoring chances, and Mexico getting counterattack after counterattack.

Brazil 4, Belgium 1: Gotta love the Samba !!!

As I predicted, England ended up dominating Denmark, and looks set to give Brazil (or Belgium, right...) a good battle in the quarterfinals next Thursday night. As I didn't predict, Paraguay kept the game with Germany close, and Chilavert, the goalkeeper who bears a resemblance to the fat kid at boot camp in Full Metal Jacket, came up big time and time again, until a goal in the final two minutes gave the Germans a well-deserved result. As dull as those two games were, this mornings games were classics. Senegal, the Kent State of soccer, stunned the Swedes in overtime, by scoring a "golden goal", to use the cheesy term FIFA has come up with, then Spain overcame a last-second goal by the Irish to prevail on penalty kicks. Two things about that game bear commentary: one, the Spanish subbed out Raul, their superstar, late in the game to get an extra defender to protect the lead; once the Irish scored to tie the game, Spain was left with almost no attack; and two, this has been repeated almost to the point of cliche, but using penalty kicks to decide a game after only 30 minutes of overtime sucks big time.

For those of you may have been caught up in the other RC scandal du jour, here's something that's really outrageous.

Isn't this the type of thing Stalin used to demand? Where's Solzhenitsyen when you need him?

It now appears that our government can hold a person indefinitely, without either a trial or a chance to confront one's accusers. According to this article, the Justice Department has taken the position that only the executive branch has the power to decide whether someone is a combatant or not, and since trying Mr. Padilla will "compromise" intelligence sources, it is their position that they will not declare him to be a combatant. He will be a prisoner until the "war" on terrorism is over, which will probably be sometime after the 2004 election.

Now that the first round of the World Cup is over, with the U.S. surviving a massive choke to set up a match with Mexico Sunday night, this may be as good a time as any to revisit a "classic" piece of Smythiana.
~
Tonight, its Germany-Paraguay (11:30 p.m.) and England-Denmark (4:30 a.m.). On paper, these matchups don't look very interesting, as neither Paraguay or Denmark have as much talent as their opponents. I believe England is on the verge of exploding offensively, having already played three teams that are superior to Denmark. That would probably set up a quarter-final game with Brazil. For US fans, the Germany game is critical, as the winner will play the US-Mexico winner. Sorry if I'm overdoing the college hoops analogy, but the Germans are starting to remind me of that North Carolina team that made the Final Four three years ago, a team that barely made the tournament (really only making it on reputation), was only seeded 8th, and then upset Stanford in the second round. After that team made the semifinals, it seemed almost inevitable that they would do so, and the weaknesses of that team were forgotten by the same people who were outraged that the Tar Heels even made the tourney. Anyways, I don't see the Germans having any problems scoring against that fat tub of lard in goal for Paraguay.
~

Considering that the U.S. was down 3-0 before Korea took the lead against Portugal, in the 70th minute, it is safe to say that for most of the morning I was trying to figure out the most efficient way of spiking my intake of Prozac. Once Korea scored, a team with nothing to play for tried gamely to hold on against one of the most talented teams on the planet, with some of the most dangerous strikers in the history of the sport. And would you believe it, they did !!! KOREA !!!! No more dogmeat jokes, ever !!!!
~

I thought I would just let this story speak for itself. By the way, I'm not ignoring your correspondence; I intend to put up your letters at the end of the week.

Has any story ever fizzled out as quickly as the pathetic case of Mr. Padilla? With ruthless efficiency, the media, having been cowed into silence for nine months, have finally begun to not simply question, but ridicule, the Administration.

You could also see this phenomenum at work over the coverage of the GAO report on the Clinton "vandalism" report, which at a cost of a cool quarter of a million dollars to the taxpayers, was able to show that there was about $19,000 worth of damage (namely, to buy new "W" keys for typewriters). When Alberto Gonzalez, the President's counsel, protested that the report didn't specify some of the dirty words written on the walls, the reaction was one of eye-rolling contempt. When the story initially broke in January 2001, the media focused on how typical it was for those Arkansas vulgarians to trash the place on the way out, totally consistent with Lewinsky and Marc Rich. By the time the story died, the focus wasn't on the vandalism that was actually discovered, but on the mendacity and pettiness of the Bush Administration in leaking and exaggerating the story. Oh, yeah, I forgot, there's a war going on.
~

As I predicted months ago, the Lakers breezed to the NBA title. Congrats, team, on the 3peat.

Not much to say about tonight's game. To the surprise of no one, the Nets came out on fire in the first quarter, the crowd cheered, and then the Lakers went to work. The game wasn't in doubt after half-time, a fact acknowledged by Lord Byron in the final minute, when he subbed out Kidd and Martin with his team behind by six. Surely this will be the winter of Sactown's discontent, a team that came within a misdirected tip-out by Vlade and an overtime of beating the Lakers. They will continue to whine about the officiating in Game 4 (where they have a point) and Game 6 (where they don't), and I will admit that they were the best team this year, but it will haunt the Kings forever that they had Game 7 at home, with a nine point second half lead, but couldn't hit free throws, and they couldn't strike to kill the real king.
~

Lena Olin ???? I see a shark about to be jumped.

True World Cup fact: the U.S. scored more goals in a 36 minute span of the first half against Portugal than Argentina and France did in six games.

Congrats to the Bush Administration, for waiting a month after arresting the "dirty bomb" suspect before publicly announcing its achievement (from Moscow, no less). Good job, boys.

That whole story is starting to smell like a damp carpet. It now appears that in spite of having nothing stronger against Mr. Padilla than the fact that he was in the initial "planning" stages, the Justice Department has no plans to set up a military tribunal or try the S.O.B. in Federal Court. I know I am going to hear that "there's a war going on", but donnez moi une break; under the Ashcroft doctrine, the state could begin detaining patrons inside a tavern, because of the potential threat that they may drive home with a buzz and kill somebody (after all, far more people were killed in D.U.I.'s last year than in suicide airplane hijackings). Yes, Lincoln did suspend habeus corpus during the Civil War (something for which neither history nor his contemporaries treated him kindly), but in that case, our national existence was in peril, a potentiality which is nowhere near close to happening now, no matter what sort of dirty bombs go off.
~

Au revoir, France !!! Not only do they fail to qualify for the second round, not only do they get shut out in all three games, but they finish dead last in their group, which was one of the weakest groups in the tournament. I haven't seen a choke that bad since, well, lets just say Ken Hitchcock should bone up on his French in time for World Cup 2006.

Lets visit the mailbag:

--If I were a GM in the NBA, I would refuse to trade with the Lakers UNLESS they sent Shaq or Kobe packing. Heck, no one else on the Laker team is worth the toilet paper I wipe my ass with. Any GM who'll trade for Horry or Fox is a damn fool. With my luck it would be the Cavs! GM should conspire against the Lakers and never trade with them unless they give up Shaq or Kobe.--
S---m

That is an astute observation. I am of the opinion that if the Lakers win the title this year, history should give it an asterisk, due to the unconscionably corrupt calls in Game 6 of the Sacramento series. Next time, the drinks are on me. Thanks as always for your contributions, dickhead.
~

One of the more bizarre rumors that's been floating about has to do with my supposedly "puking" Saturday night at Joxer's. I don't know how that one got started, but its completely untrue. I did not puke at Joxer's; I would like to think I have too much class than to throw up inside a bar. If anyone says that I threw up on the premises, they are lying.

About a week ago, I e-mailed a few of my more devoted readers, asking for your input on an idea I had to set up two new blogs: SmythesWorld Classic, which would feature "vintage" posts from the archives, republished repetitively, as well as a biographical section called "Smythe Century"; and SmythesWorld East, which would be identical to this site, except everything would be published three hours earlier. I'm still debating the merits of both sites, so if anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

Interesting weekend. Of course, the three-peat is a mere formality at this stage. The Nets almost ran the Lakers off the court at the end of the 3rd quarter and the beginning of the 4th, Kidd was unstoppable, and Kenyon Martin actually contributed, by scoring some key baskets inside and playing SuperThug. And it didn't matter in the end, because Kobe nailed everything when it counted. The U.S. escaped with a draw against the hosts, and now stands on the verge of qualifying for the second round with a tie against Poland. Of course, there were some interesting events in my life as well, but you will have to wait until later today for that.

I will be M.I.A. today, due to the pending sale of my condo and move-back to my mom's basement. I guess life is just full of these "passages", where an approaching-middle aged man finally declares his dependence and flies back to the nest. Actually, I hope to sell the place quickly, make a killing, and buy something better in a few months. And of course, the Lakers (and "susan"?) tonight at 5:30, and the U.S. v. South Korea at 11:30.

Technically, the series is not over, since the Lakers need to win four games, not just the first two. It is theoretically possible for New Jersey to win four of the next five games, including at least one in Staples. Shaq could break his foot. Cobi (er, Kobe) might get an other case of botulism (by the way, where was St. Ralph when the good people of Sactown tried to poison an opposing player; doesn't that shake the credibility and impartiality of sports?). Those things are all within the realm of possibility; its not like we're talking about traveling faster than the speed of light, or W. trying to act like a leader...

Some of you have told me that a number of links to the left are difficult to reach, or require a subscription. I may also link to stories in my posts that require same. You may have to go through some hoops, but this column is well worth it (by the way, the N.Y. Times does have a registration process to use its site, but its free). In the future, if you need to register, I'll let you know.

Some random notes on a long night's journey into day...

--There is nothing more depressing than watching a sunrise...from a bar. Unless you're watching the sunrise from a bar and rooting for Argentina.

--The most disappointing performance of the World Cup so far has to have been that of Jose Luis Chilavert this morning. I try to keep things clean on this site, in large part because all of you know that I'm funny, so I don't have to "work blue", but, god, what a fat fuck. This guy is supposed to be the best goalkeeper on the planet, and he looks like he's been working out with John Daly. Next time, try to stay away from the Shaq Packs...

--One way bars get around the "no drinking after 2 a.m." rule (or is it a law?) is by charging people an admission fee to get in. That way, its no longer a tavern, its a private club, and they can "give" drinks away. Nice trick. Your intrepid correspondent, of course, doesn't need to drink to have fun, especially since he has an 8:30 a.m court appearance, so a Java Junkie I am.

--The games tonight are stiffs (Brazil v. China? Slovenia v. S.Africa?), so I get the whole night to recover. Go Lakers !!!

My World Cup dedication will face a real challenge tonight as I venture out to see the three games, culminating with the 4:30 a.m. battle between Argentina and England. The upcoming weekend, with two Laker games and the Cup (World and Stanley), is increasingly emerging as a Vegas holiday, except without the speed.

Au revoir, France? Maybe, as the scoreless draw this morning with Uruguay puts them in a situation where they have to win by two or more goals over Denmark next week just to qualify for round 2.

A good article ripping the Administration's inept "war" on terrorism, and why it will probably happen again. By the way, we're coming up on the nine month anniversary of September 11, so any babies born in the next few days can always wonder about the sort of things that would get their parents aroused.

For those of you who are new to blog-reading, a good rule of thumb is to stay away from ones with the word "watch" in their title. Unless, of course, you don't generally concern yourself with accuracy.

Perhaps the best sign that the Lakers are going to put the Nets away early in this series was the demoralized attitudes of some of the Lakers after they won Game 1. Let's see, you move a game closer to a third straight title, the Nets are never in a position to take the lead after the four minute mark of the first quarter, the Nets pretty much gave up on doing anything to stop Shaq, and Rick Fox says he's still disappointed? Robert Horry is complaining that the team got complacent after jumping out to the huge lead? Hey, that's the great thing about leading by 23 in the second quarter: you can relax for prolonged stretches of the game, keeping Shaq rested and the bench active, and still not blow the game.

Well, NJ closed the half strong, which is a good omen for them/bad for us in the rest of the series.

At some point tonight (unless its happened already), an event will happen for the first time since Wes Parker did it in Game 4 of the 1966 World Series: a Harvard High man will play in a championship game. I would anticipate, in fact, that Jason Collins will see a lot of time in this series, if only because Todd MacCullough will likely be in constant foul trouble.

Why is it that I have a feeling this story is a hoax. I mean, Nader is pretty repugnant, but I can't believe he's involved with this. If the story is legitimate, why didn't the nation hear about the Green Party candidate's gambling problem during the last election.

I wish I could do this...some blogger managed to post something combining two of my favorite pastimes: basketball and W-bashing. Would that make Dick Cheney the CWeb of politics?

In the event you didn't stay up til 4:00 a.m., the big news this morning was the 3-2 victory by the U.S. over Portugal, one of the favorites to win the World Cup. Perhaps the biggest shock was how easily the Americans scored; offense has never been a strong suit, considering that the U.S. had been shut out in four of its last five World Cup games. The US scored three goals in the first thirty-three minutes, gave one back five minutes before the half, then after a period of sustained Portuguese pressure, allowed an own goal with twenty minutes to play. At that point, I thought we would see a collapse by the American team, and I began to fast forward the tape I was watching, hoping against hope that I wouldn't see a goal being scored at 78 rpm. Instead, nothing. The final minutes of the game revealed masterful ball handling by Kobe (er, Cobi) Jones, bleeding the clock away at the Portuguese end. The Germany-Eire game afterward was even better, with a tying goal being scored by the Irish literally in the last second. And we're still in the first week.

Read this article, and comprehend the notion that Gray Davis is not the nation's most heartless governor.

Matt C. writes:

With all the ill informed drivel coming from Storm and your ranting and raving about the one sport this fine country is smart enough never to be interested in, I can only ask what does any of this have to do with the Flyers?

It is understandable that there be some frustration when Smythesworld delves into topics that are of interest to me, but may have marginal interest to individual visitors. Of that, I am sorry, but this is, after all, my blog. As an astute and learned friend requested awhile back, maybe it would be a good idea to start a chatroom dedicated to Smythesworld, where you could go to actually complain with like-minded people. Truth be told, the only reason I even mentioned the Flyers at all in the past was that they remind of a good soccer team, in that they often score as many as one, maybe two goals per game. You're right about Storm, though.

For those following the World Cup, an excellent blog can be linked here. So far, the best games have involved the most unlikely match-ups: Paraguay-South Africa, Denmark-Uruguay and especially the epic battle between traditional rivals Brazil and Turkey this morning, a game marred by the single most inept officiating since, well, Games 5 and 6 of the Western Conference championship.

Anything I can post right now on Game 7 would be worthless to the point of banality. Give me a few years....

On two recent posts, a fellow Trojan writes:

You know, I have you all figured out. You secretly want and believe that the Lakers are going to win on Sunday. However, your pride won't let you admit it publicly. You have to save face just in case the Lakers lose. So, you post all this crap about the Kings winning and being the better team but I know you don't believe that. You ought to be a man and wear all the purple and yellow regalia that all the other Laker pansies wear. I am willing to bet that sale of Kings jerseys in La La Land will rival the sell of Lakers jersey WHEN the Kings win the championship. Your post is indicative of the wishy-washiness that makes up this town.

On another issue ...Why must we assume that because India and Pakistan have the ability to use nuclear arms that they will actually use them? It upsets me that the media is focused on these countries nuclear capability and have tacitly created this view that "those savages in the Middle East are going to destroy the world ... they don't know the rules of war ... they are not civilized in their approach to war." What the f***?! I mean what makes anyone think that the Pakistanis and Indians WANT the consequences of using nuclear weapons anymore than the rest of the world? Using nuclear weapons isn't the first option for either of these countries. It is baseless it think otherwise.

The United States does not have the right to scold or demonize other countries for having and/or wanting nuclear weapons because the US has led the charge to develop defense technology designed to dominate and destroy more so than to protect and advance peace. For example, even though US representatives signed an agreement with Russia to reduce nuclear arms, the US is in the process developing small-scale nuclear arms for the "common theater". I fear the United States' attempt to create an everyday use nuclear weapon that is good for all occasions more than I do these two bratty nations in the Middle East. Mind you, I am no history scholar but the US is the only country to use nuclear weapons and we are maybe the foremost country helping other democratic nations develop them. The world shouldn't fear an armed conflict between Pakistan and India. The world should fear the United States of America's historic development, use and sale of nuclear technology and weponary. The world should fear the contradictory messages that the United States of America sends when it comes to war, peace and a civilized society.

How can someone be so perceptive about basketball and write such piffle about the Indian subcontinent. Just kidding...your comments about the Lakers are piffle too. More seriously, while I agree whole-heartedly with your questioning the moral credibility of America when it comes to nuclear proliferation, I am less sanguine about the situation as it is developing between India and Pakistan, and what it is the U.S. can (or should) do. The entire reason India and Pakistan have nuclear weapons is each other; even more specifically, it is because of the Kashmir region. I'm just getting up to speed on this issue, but it is my understanding that India governs a significant portion of this area, which is predominantly Muslim (India, of course, is predominantly Hindu), a situation not unlike Israeli control over the West Bank and Gaza. "President" Musharraf (I use quotes because his election had all the credibility of W's) has been rattling his sabres, although he now calls the use of nuclear weapons "unthinkable". It isn't the fact that the U.S. has sufficient moral credibility to be an honest broker; it's the only candidate, short of the EU taking up responsibility.

Good letter, Storm, and inform your friends that its ok to e-mail their political views and honest disagreements with the site.

Final May results for the HR Pool here, or at the link below. Congratulations are due Mr. Bolkcom, who appears to be running away from the field. A special note of condemnation to yours truly, who finished last for the month.

It seems the week I decide to focus on non-political issues, below, the world decides to move a step closer to nuclear war. Well, actually, just the section of the world that contain the idiots who run India and Pakistan. If the planet gets blown up as a result of Kashmir, let it not be said that I failed to devote some attention to the issue, in between my posts on the Lakers-Kings and the World Cup.

Game 6 last night may have been the game that elevated this Laker team from the ranks of ordinary championship teams and into an historical elite, alongside the Bulls of the late-90's and the Lakers of the mid-80's (the Celtics of the '60's are in their own group). The team played with passion at both ends of the court, and sent a message that the Kings would have to physically wrest the championship away in Game 7. Perhaps no play better indicated the Lakers' intentions than the wrestling match in the final minute between Bryant and Bibby off the inbounds play. Although it appeared that Kobe gave a nasty elbow to the face of Bibby, in fact the whole sequence of events began when Bibby grabbed Kobe from the side and attempted to pull him out of position. Bryant's subsequent message (incredibly, neither player was called for a foul) alerted the Kings to the fact that at least one player on the Lakers was prepared to do whatever is necessary to win the series.

\Having said that, I am now more certain that the Kings will prevail than I have been before. The Kings have almost nothing beyond the seven-man rotation they use, but what a rotation !! They have been in control of the series since the second quarter of Game 1, and still have not received a significant contribution from Stoyakovic. Although CWeb and Bibby played inspired ball last night, the rest of the team seemed content with the knowledge that Game 7 was a safety net, especially Divac, who seemed resigned early on to the fact that he wasn't going to get his flopping calls. However, I saw nothing last night that would lead me to believe that the Lakers are going to get any significant contributions from Fisher, Shaw, George, etc. (although Fox has had his best two games in the playoffs this week), therefore placing the entire burden of Shaq and Kobe relief on Robert Horry. If the game is close entering the fourth quarter, the Lakers prevail. But I don't see that happening.

From the mailbag:

A long-winded Ohiander sends the following missive:

Smythe you are such a wimp! Are you rooting for the Lakers or not? I mean a true Lakers fan wouldn't sound the death knell so quickly would they? Or maybe you're impersonating Phil '"I have to actually coach in this series" Jackson and trying to play some psychological game to get the Lakers motivated. C'mon stop chasing after (name deleted) and come watch the game at Joxers. I swear you must be the only guy I know who is p****-whipped but hasn't had any p****!! Tell her to give it up or get out bed bud!

I hope you know I am just ranting and raving and giving you s*** just for the fun off it!

Seriously, tell (name omitted) I said hello. Hope to see you after the game at Joxers

GO KINGS!!!!!!!!!

S---m

Thank you, but I will be watching the game at Joxers tonight. I have indeed found out that the female individual above, who stars on a certain ABC spy show airing Sunday nights, is in fact married. We decided that it would be best if we simply let our feelings wither, no matter how painful it may feel.

And sure enough, in the opener, Senegal beats France, 1-0. Or to put it another way, Maryland loses to Hawaii.

Back when the World Cup was in the U.S., and was getting a lot more hype in the mainstream press, a sportswriter (I think it was Curry Kirkpatrick) tried to explain why the tournament not only had such international appeal but had developed such a cult-like following among a fringe minority of American sports fans, and came up with the clever idea of comparing it to the sporting event played on these shores that is closest to it in spirit, the NCAA basketball tournament. Although the analogy is imperfect, since the aspect that makes the NCAA’s so interesting is its single-elimination format, something that doesn’t arise in the World Cup until the second round, I happen to love both events, and both tournaments share a common thread. That is, since talent in both sports is so evenly distributed, it is almost certain that huge upsets will occur (at least until the semifinals start); Cameroon will beat Argentina as certainly as Weber State will beat North Carolina.

Anyway, since I happen to be watching the 1986 Cleveland St v. Navy battle on ESPN Classic, and feel insprired by the spirit of Mouse McFadden, I will now give you the college tournament breakdown of the World Cup:

France: Maryland (obviously, since they’re defending champs, and are favored to repeat)
Argentina: Arizona (perennial favorite; talented, but bland)
England: Kansas (oldest tradition in the sport, with a history of choking in big games)
Germany: North Carolina (technically adept, although going through a down period)
Spain: UCLA (no one gets less out of more talent, but at least they overshadow their neighbors)
Italy: Duke (always going to contend)
Portugal: USC (from out of nowhere; can either make a run at the title or get sent home early)
Nigeria: Gonzaga
Mexico: Tulsa
Cameroon: MAC champions
Saudi Arabia: Hampton
Croatia: Florida
U.S.A.: Big Sky champs
Sweden: California (good for a win, nothing else)
Brazil: Kentucky (great history, exciting style; can never be ignored)
Uruguay: Georgetown (were champs awhile back, but now dull)
Slovenia: Seton Hall
Costa Rica: Big West champs
Paraguay: Western Kentucky
Senegal: Hawaii
Russia: Syracuse
Poland: Mississippi State
Denmark: Mountain West champions
Ireland: Texas Tech
Japan: Pittsburgh (underrated team that gets to play its early games at home)
South Korea: Sunbelt champs
Ecuador: Oregon
South Africa: Big South rep
Belgium: Stanford (boring, mediocre and defensive)
Turkey: Wisconsin
China: America East champs
Tunisia: SWAC tournament champions

Obviously, some of the teams listed above weren't in the last tournament; I am more interested in the history of the event, and the teams, as a whole. And, of course, if you prefer to see Team U.S.A. as the UC Santa Barbara of world football, let me know….
~

For those of you who absolutely need to know anything and everything about "the Lions of Teranga" before their opener with France, check here. You should have a working knowledge of French, however....
~

As an attorney, by nature I have an appreciation for those who can tell untruths and attain great wealth, power, and/or fame doing so. I knew the country was in good hands when Bubba excaped the posse by declaring that the correct answer "depended on what the meaning of the word 'is', is". Unfortunately, my own weak talent in that area ensures that I drive an Eclipse, and not a Beemer. For the rest of you, check out an excellent article on the fine art of mendacity, and the current Minister of Propaganda. I get p.o.'d a lot more when the lies elected officials tell are about substantive policies, not about with whom they're sleeping.
~

On a similar note, perhaps W. could have used the reminder that Pele was Brazilian....
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In less than 24 hours, perhaps my favorite sporting event, the World Cup, starts (click here for an excellent blog on the subject). Because of the time difference, the games are going to start in the early (that is, pre-dawn) hours of the morning here on the West Coast, so the only way to view the majority of the games is by tape-delay or VCR. Even if you're not what you Yanks call a "soccer" fan, the World Cup is still a kick (sorry) for the simple reason that it is the only authentic world championship in sports. Besides the Olympics, other sports have international titles; hockey has a World Championship (just won by Slovakia, by the way), and even basketball is going to have an event this summer that will be called the World Championship. But those events lack credibility because the sport involved is regional, and involves only a handful of countries with a chance to win (ie. hockey, rugby, baseball), or only one country (basketball). Because the competition is deeper in soccer (of all countries, Cameroon is considered a dark horse to make the semi-finals), and the talent more evenly distributed, the event itself is less predictable, and thus more exciting to watch. Or as exciting as any event that produces occasional scoreless draws, and allows penalty kicks to resolve playoff games.

In any event, Friday is setting up to be an epic day of frivolity once I can find an excuse to get out of the office. I'm hoping to leave the office by 5, watch the last two periods of Detroit-Colorado (Game 7), cheer on the Lakers in Game 6, then watch Ireland-Cameroon at 11:30 p.m. All of which shall be done behind the security of my home pub, Joxer Dalys, where the owner claims the World Cup games will be shown live (even the 4:30 a.m. games between Slovenia and Paraguay, etc.).

Barring any more unexpected developments (like having two different teams come from 20 points down to win on consecutive days), it appears likely that we will see the Kings and Nets square off next week for the NBA championship. This is probably the most one-sided match-up of the four possibilities; I could easily see the Celtics battling the Lakers and Kings deep into the Finals, and Jason Kidd is precisely the type of player who gives the Lakers fits. The Kings and the Nets, on the other hand, looks like a Sacramento sweep. Kidd and Bibby will fight to a draw, and the greater depth the Kings have (particularly with the return of Stojakovich) should set up a massacre.

Friday (or Sunday) maybe the last hurrah for this Laker team. Winning back to back titles has made the front office complacent, and other than the two stars (and occasionally Horry at the offensive end), there isn't much to say about this team. Fox, Shaw, George, Madsen, Richmond, and sadly, Fisher, are pretty much dead weight at this stage, and the one silver lining on the Lakers' ignomonious departure from the playoffs is that Mitch Kupcak will be more motivated to dump some of these carcasses before the start of next season.
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Lets see, Shaq fouled out on what appeared to be anticipated contact, Kobe was terrible at both ends of the court, the Kings went to the line ten more times than the Lakers, and the Lakers still only lost by one. As I said before, winning Game 5 makes the Kings a prohibitive favorite, but the Lakers still have a pulse; which is more than should be said about the crooks who reffed the game last night.

Craig D. writes:

Everyone knows that Americans are a patriotic bunch and at this summer's World Cup soccer tournament you'll want the USA to prove to the world that they're no rookies when it comes to soccer.
Well here's your chance to do your bit for the USA by joining me in the Soccernet World Cup Fantasy League. This is the fantasy soccer game where you have to demonstrate your coaching skills to select a 15-man squad of World Cup soccer stars then battle it out for fantasy points and amazing prizes worth over $20,000!
However, it won't just be your player selection skills that are put to the test. Your allegiance to the stars and stripes will also be severely tested as you'll be looking extend your patriotism beyond Claudio Reyna and the first stage of the tournament. Can you select a team that's sure to impress The Boss (that's Bruce 'Arena' not 'Springsteen') and take you all the way to World Cup glory?
Your country needs you so come on, register your team today at: http://soccernetwc.fantasyleague.com

Thank you for the information. As many of you already know, ESPN also has a World Cup fantasy football league, but it costs 15 pounds to enter. Nevertheless, if I take part in a fantasy draft, I can assure you that I will not be looking to pick any Americans.

About ten years ago, I became a fan of a movie that was trashed by the critics, in large part because of its budgetary indulgence and the big names of its stars. I remember going with my family to see Ishtar at a theatre in Studio City, near the corner of Laurel Canyon and Ventura, and laughing my ass off. We weren't alone; I think the other two people in the theatre also got the jokes. My sister Cat, who has a much higher degree of sophistication regarding movies than I do, is even more of a fanatic about the film than I am. Every now and then, I will run into somebody who has also seen it, also believes it to be a great film; that person can be trusted, because he will never run with the pack. Quite simply, Ishtar was panned because of issues having nothing to do with the quality of what is actually on the screen.

In any event, although not nearly as good a film as Ishtar, I have to say, having seen the early (10:00 a.m.) matinee showing yesterday of Attack of the Clones, that a similar phenomena is taking place. The critics aren't wrong necessarily; Hayden Christensen is a stiff, the only actors who do anything more grade school line readings are Ewan McGregor (Obi-wan) and Ian McDiarmid (Palpitine), and the dialogue is often cringe-inducing. I may have also been more impressed by the film by having seen a digital print, which was the way the film was actually shot. But still, its a Star Wars movie, for crying out loud. Its a comic book version of mythology. It's fun, and its a hell of a lot better than The Phantom Menace (or Return of the Jedi, for that matter).

Besides which, who cares about the romantic dialogue, anyway. The film's core audience is single men (at yesterday's show, there were single men from ages 7 to 50, and I think I was the only one not still living with my parents). I'm not sure any of the ads or previews have done enough justice to Natalie Portman. I can't say for sure if she can act, but she's definitely a Judean princess capable of turning any Jedi to the dark side of the force. So who cares if this wasn't a chickflik.

Also, a more technical point. The character of "Darth Sidious" doesn't make an appearance until the very end of the movie, for a short but pivotal scene. Nevertheless, the actor who portrays this character was not given a credit. If anyone knows the name of this actor, please feel free to contact me with the information....

Good cartoon about the terrorist "warnings" we got last week from the Administration. By the way, for anyone who doesn't know about the reference to Dick Armey's support of ethnic cleansing, it has to do with his call recently for Israel to drive all Palestinians out of the West Bank and into neighboring countries.

In spite of looking like the proverbial "deer in the headlights" for much of the second half, the Nets finally pulled out a win at Boston Garden. Since Jason Kidd is getting almost no help from his teammates in the 4th Quarter, I don't see the Celtics ultimately losing.
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Spent the morning watching the digital version of Attack of the Clones. To my surprise, I enjoyed the movie, although much of what the critics said about the film is accurate. More later....

There is nothing like the adrenaline charge after a dramatic, unthinkable win by the team you're pulling for. It had been awhile, but I remembered how it felt after the Gibson home run, or after Cal beat Duke in the '93 tournament, or after the Kings OT win in Game 4 last year against the Red Wings. And, of course, watching the game with the incomparably gorgeous, no longer dyspeptic, Ms. Deborah S., is also a treat; there ain't no losin' when you're boozin' with Susan. In any event, Game 5 probably decides the series. If the Kings lose, you better have Rico prepare the embalming fluid for the viewing next Friday. If the Lakers lose, although they won't be in the same difficult position, the odds of their winning a third championship become close to prohibitive.

At about 6:45 a.m. yesterday morning, I had prepared the following post for publication herein:

In spite of the ease of their victory Friday, Sactown appears to be vulnerable. With Stojakovic still hurt, they basically use a seven-man roster, which means late in the game, their starters are going to be more tired than the Lakers. I predict that the Lakers will start poorly, perhaps falling behind by as many as twenty points in the first quarter, than slowly creep back into the game. Kobe will become more of a factor as the game progresses, just as in Game 3. Don't be surprised if, in the final seconds, with the game on the line, Shaq hits his free throws, while Bibby and Divac brick. Fox and George will start to nab their rebounds, while Divac will ineffectually punch the ball out. Ultimately, I see the game coming down to an open trey by Horry at the buzzer. Then, in Game 5,

And then my computer froze, and I was unable to transmit the message. Damn.

I think a good way to tell if a gay baseball player would be accepted, by his teammates, fans, and/or media, would be to look at how players who have been rumored to be gay have been treated. Lets face it: not only are there gay baseball players, I would bet that many of their teammates know who they are. When Glen Burke was with the Dodgers, it was hardly a state secret on the team that he was gay; ultimately, his career fizzled not so much due to homophobia but to the fact that he couldn't hit a curveball. There are players for whom such rumors are a constant; Brady Anderson and Roberto Alomar come to mind.

Mike Piazza certainly fits that description; his sexual preferences were a topic of Internet gossip back when he was with the Dodgers; Brett Butler may have alluded to them when he made his now curious attack back in 1997 that Piazza was a "narcissist" who didn't care for the team. Those rumors surfaced at the time he was traded, at the time he failed to shove his bat down Roger Clemons' throat in the World Series, and again last season, when he made the unfortunate decision to dye his hair blond. Putting aside the truth or validity of the gossip, the fact is, Piazza has been talked about. Nevertheless, I haven't heard anything about his teammates refusing to play with him, shower with him, or do anything with him but play baseball.

Obviously, coming out of the closet would be different than simply confronting rumors about being gay. In the "macho world" (pardon the cliche) of team sports, many would resist dealing with the truth. Opposing fans would be merciless; religious zanies in and out of the dugout would protest. I believe it is self-evident that it would be far easier if a star comes out rather than a scrub; one scribe noted this week that if Sammy Sosa were to proclaim his homosexuality, the Cubs would have the most gay-friendly locker room in sports. But lets not pretend that it isn't already happening, or that baseball players (or other athletes) are complete neanderthals on the subject.

Please take note that yesterday's post about the Celtics was written at 8:24 a.m. Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals didn't begin until 2:35 p.m. And this site remains free.
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The most depressing aspect of the Administration's efforts to scare the public away from the stories emerging about its own pre-9/11 negligence is the tacit admission of failure in the "war against terrorism". As is noted here and elsewhere, during the whole time that Dickhead was claiming that another bombing of American soil would soon happen, the Ridge color-coded warning system never changed from "yellow". The mendacity of W. and crew matches his predecessor, except rather than lying about sex, they lie about policy.

Lord, what an awful performance. If you are a Laker fan, the most depressing aspect of Game 3 had to be their decision to fire up panic threes once Sactown opened up a lead, rather than trying to pound the ball into Shaq...oops...wait a minute, they did pound the ball into Shaq; I forgot about all those fifteen footers he attempted last night. Memo to Aristotle: your not Vlade Divac; don't bother trying to establish a perimeter game. Just get to the basket and power dunk !!

The Lakers best chance to win this series was to blow the Kings out early (in the series, that is; I suppose it would be asking a lot for them to show up and play like they cared in the first half of any game). If that happened, the injury to Peja Stojakovic and the fact that the Kings were beaten the last two years by the Lakers would combine to put them into a defeatist mindset, much the same as what happened to San Antonio this year. Stojakovic is still out, but now the Kings have the home court edge back.

By the way, how exactly did it become such an established fact that the Western Conference championship was the de facto title series. Has anyone actually watched the Celtics play in this year playoffs? Their next bad game will be their first; more than can be said about the two-time defending champions (who, by the way, lost both times to Boston in the regular season).

Any comments? Then by all means, contact me at esstheman2@netscape.net. Or just hit the link above that says "contact".
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Hopefully, this little item of news will be what's finally needed to bring closure to this story.

Game 2 this past Monday featured a dying Kobe, an absent Shaq, and a game plan that seemed designed to allow Fox and Samaki plenty of "looks" at the basket, at the expense of getting the ball to anyone with a prayer of scoring. And the Lakers still only lost by six...I don't buy into too many conspiracies, but one would be stupid to ignore this one.
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One final word on the Flyers, for the one of you that cares:

I think it's a safe assumption on my part that the Flyers will be back in the playoffs next season. I have faith that coach Cock can get us there and, in keeping with the fine tradition of players not shaving while playing for The Cup, I will not shave my face until the chase for the elusive Cup ends for the Flyers in 2003. If things work out the way I think they will then the Flyers should be in the playoffs just long enough for me to attain a nice five o'clock shadow. --"Palpatine"

Some fans of real teams, like the Kings or Ducks, would be so filled with embarrasment that they would pray that their team take a playoff hiatus for several years rather than be subjected to further first round humiliation. Matt C., on the other hand, welcomes the degradation.
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About a decade ago, the beloved ex-Commissioner of baseball, Bowie Kuhn, was involved in a law partnership that brought him (and presumably, a lot of his clients) a good deal of grief. So when the heat was on, and creditors, the FBI, the IRS, Hamas, and who knows what else began to show up at his doorstep with summons, he went down to Florida, bought a multi-million dollar home with his remaining assets, and filed bankruptcy. And not only got rid of all of his debts, but got to keep his home. Nice....
Some ivory tower intellectuals see this as wrong, and point out here that the current "reform" bill currently stuck in Congress would actually make it easier to pull a kuhn. Even more amusing to me is the fact that "bankruptcy law" is apparently taught in our nation's law schools. Back in the day, when I was at SC we had one of the more illustrious practitioners in the country, George Triester, teach the subject, and most of us would have rather worn bicycle pants and a training bra to school than attend. Back then, bankruptcy was the sort of legal specialty that you did only if ambulance chasing and workers comp proved too difficult. Thanks to a couple of post-graduation recessions (I luv Bushes), the disappearance of the aerospace industry, the '92 troubles, and the society-wide discovery that credit card companies, unlike loansharks, won't bust your kneecaps if you default, bk's are suddenly hot, prestigious even, and I am more thankful than ever that I blew off law school.

She's glamorous. She's notorious. She's an entertainment lawyer, and she has an evil twin. She's Carolyn H., and she has a pretty good link to this week's "Tom the Dancing Bug".
As always, thanks, and don't bogart any gossip about "Gwynnie".
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Well, I guess I deserved this one. About my invitation for comments on the new Flyers' coach, Matt C. writes,

Yes the hiring of Mr. Hitchcock should be explored and yes I have an opinion. I will, however, keep a lid on that opinion about our beloved new coach (who I prefer to just call "Coach Cock") until this time next year when hopefully I can look back on another record setting first round exit.

Aren't you assuming the Flyers are even going to make the playoffs. As if....

As a bankruptcy lawyer, I naturally have an interest in whether Congress passes what has euphemistically been called the "reform bill" currently in conference. The bill received overwhelming majorities in both houses of Congress, but has become stalled over a dispute as to whether individuals who get fined for blockading abortion clinics can discharge their debts. I have to admire the genius of Senate liberals, who for the most part voted in favor to appease the credit card lobby, using what is a relatively minor issue effecting less than 1% of 1% of all filings to scuttle the bill; I only wish they would display the same ingenuity in opposing the Administration on other issues. Since I oppose the current bill, no matter what it says about abortion, it was good to read this cogent argument as to why this bill should be defeated as a matter of public policy.

I'm still not sold on the idea that anyone, much less W., could have prevented 9/11, so I can't say that I agree with every point in this article. The hijackers weren't stupid (except for the part about them getting kicked out of stripclubs), and even if three of the teams had been stopped at the airport, just one group being able to complete their mission would have been catastrophic. The two points that have inflamed my bile are that for months this administration used its media shills to blame the whole thing on Clinton, and that it kept its prior knowledge, no matter how scant or imprecise it may have been, secret from not only the American people but from Congress as well, even going so far as to deny it had any foreknowledge of what was to happen on 9/11.
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Considering what we now know W. knew in the months leading up to 9/11, and what we know will happen in the near future, I kinda wish he wouldn't resort to spin as his first option.

I like it. Game 1 was over early...Lakers blow out to a quick lead, the game never gets closer than five points the rest of the way...I only hope the next three weeks are this easy.
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Gone for the night. I'm traveling to a birthday party at Mt. Baldy(add your joke here), and I won't be back til tomorrow afternoon, in time (I hope) for Game 1. Send your cards and letters to esstheman2@netscape.net.. Late....
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Empire, si, Republic, no? A new hope....
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So, does anyone have an opinion on this new Flyers' head coach?
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They thought Bin Laden was only planning a "traditional sort of hijacking"? What is that, exactly? Flying the jet to Bahrain in exchange for hostages? Blowing it up over Scotland? Yeah, I guess I understand why the White House would not want to panic the American people over something as trivial as that. Thank god Al Gore wasn't selected by the Supreme Court; he might have tried something irrational last August, like tighten security at our nation's airports....
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It appears that few of you took advantage of the link I offered (below) to download the latest Star Wars film, probably having read a review like this one. However, a minor quibble: at one point, the critic makes reference to a plot twist involving the parentage of Boba Fett, and refers to the character as a "vengeful" bounty hunter from the first three movies. In fact, Mr. Fett does not have a line in Episode Four: A New Hope, and his appearances in the other two movies are ridiculously brief (I think his only line in The Empire Strikes Back was "he's no good to me dead"). His motivation is more that of a dedicated professional than one riven by a spirit of vengeance. But then again, you're free to disagree...
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Coming on the heels of that embarrasing story about the GOP attempting to sell commemorative photos of the Usurper on 9/11(probably on his way to Nebraska or Louisiana, as I recall), the headlines yesterday about his foreknowledge that the Evil One was planning something big with airplanes can't be helping his credibility as a "leader". To me, the scandal isn't that he may have received advance word about hijackings; even today, with the long check-in lines and the patina of extra security at our airports, and the detention of every suspicious-looking Muslim, some nutcase (an airlines pilot, maybe) can still fly a plane into the Statue of Liberty one morning if he forgets to take his Prozac. There is only so much that you can do, and the President is going to get word of many such threats. What bothers me is that this administration kept the news secret for eight months. During that time, his A.G. has led a jihad against our civil liberties, when, as it turns out, there was evidence that he knew something might be happening last summer, but did nothing about it.

By the way, remember how some were saying after 9/11 that those attacks were Clinton's fault....
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Slow Wednesday ahead, so anyone interested in a funny theatrical experience should check out Billingsgate next week; its the final show, and I hear its good.

Another day closer to the grave...and a third straight title for the Lakers.
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Right now, one of the big topics on other "blogs" has to do with the assasination of a Dutch politician, Pim Fortuyn. Since he was a minor politician in a small European country, his death has obviously not resonated with normal Americans, but among the American right, he had become something of a folk hero, because a) he hated Muslim immigrants, and was in the process of building a political career around that issue; and b) he was gay, and had libertarian leanings on most social issues. In most of the civilized world, a) is enough to get you labeled as a racist, (ie., Le Pen, David Duke) since any indiscriminate hatred of the entire membership of a racial or ethnic group usually qualifies. However, the wingnuts in this country have seized on b) as a means of legitimizing a). See, if he's gay, and he smokes a joint now and then, how can he be a fascist, etc. Since September 11, Muslims have become the ethnic group that its ok to hate (replacing the French, I guess), so bigots who are smart to focus their bile on that group get a pass. Which just goes to show, if fascism ever comes to power again, don't be surprised if its led by a non-white, non-Christian, or non-straight politician.

Disturbing story in the LA Times, especially so when you realize that this creature does exist, and is better known to the public as the "San Antonio Spurs"

Once again, anyone who feels the need to contact Smythe's World may do so at esstheman2@netscape.net.

My predictions haven't been too accurate lately, but I will go out on a limb and state that the second half of Game 3 last night was a turning point in the Lakers playoff run. If anything, the Spurs played even better in the first half than they did in Game 2; in particular, Tony Parker was making the Lakers look old trying to guard him, scoring twenty in the first half, and Duncan was dominant, as always. The Lakers still led at halftime by one. Obviously, the Lakers figured out a way to stop Parker in the second half, since he scored only four points thereafter, and only one basket (perhaps that's the key; just have Rick Fox "guard" your star in the first half, allow him to run up and down the court getting easy lay-ups, and wait until he dies of exhaustion in the second half). They stayed close for awhile, and even led with 7 1/2 minutes left. But 15 for 43 shooting will usually kill a team, unless they're playing in the Eastern Conoference, and the Spurs had no game at all in the final five minutes.

Or then there's this trenchant analysis of the Middle East situation, given to us by a guest on Hardball with Chris Matthews last week:

"I would ask you, looking at the Israeli/Palestinian question and say this, how many Palestinians were on those airplanes on September 9th? None."

---Dan Quayle
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It comes out in another week, but for those who are interested in obtaining a bootleg copy of the Star Wars sequel, check this out.

In the meantime, I'm getting e-mail (one, that is) concerning my position on Middle East politics. Considering the US of A is in the middle of fighting a war there, against a threat that has already proven it can strike directly at the mainland, and seems to be spoiling now for a fight with Iraq, one would hope that this would be a much more fiercely debated subject. My view on the current Israeli-Palestinian struggle is simple: Israeli occupation and settlements are indefensible, both politically and morally; Gen. Sharon is a fascist war criminal; Arafat is a terrorist; and Palestinian suicide bombings are an abomination, reflecting more a generalized hatred of Jews than a political protest against apartheid. Any policy that doesn't acknowledge those truths will fail. For an even more cogent analysis of the above, check out this broadside.

Looks like Gen. Sharon really took care of that terrorist problem...it doesn't take a PhD to realize that the assorted West Bank raids of the past few weeks had less to do with "defending Isreal" than they did with crushing any semblance of civic life among Palestinians. One way to keep perspective as to what's going on there is that more Palestinians under the age of eighteen have been killed by Sharon's army as Israeli civilians have been murdered by Palestinian wack-jobs in the past twelve months.

Sad to say, as I watch the lads finally sink back into a double-digit deficit against San Antone, that my prediction about the Lakers not repeating is coming true. It looks like Shaq is gone back to his bad habits at the line. Obviously, they are going to have to split in Texas to have a realistic chance.

By the way, check this story out, and remember whose friend is now in the White House the next time you pay an electrical bill.

On another date-related subject, after a day spent working at my old office and watching hockey, I decided to check out a movie at 3rd Street Promenade. On impulse, I decided to spend $8.50 to see The Scorpion King, a worthless piece of drivel that served the positive purpose of keeping me from getting behind the wheel of a car for two hours. I mean, I wasn't expecting an EM Forster-based character study about life in ancient Egypt ("this isn't Forster", to quote the John Hurt character in Love and Death on Long Island), but still, I was hoping to see a movie in which I could have remembered the ending twelve hours after the fact. By the way, M.C., "Memnon" will not be cracking the fifty greatest screen villain list....

As many of you are perhaps too painfully aware, I am single. That means I am obliged, on occasion, to buy dinner, drinks, movie, etc. for members of the fair sex, in the usually forlorn hope that it might lead to free sex (and let's face it, that's all a date is, although I assume others usually have more luck with the getting free sex aspect of it). Well, here is an article that shows how plain wrong that whole convention of guys buying dinner for gals is. The question does come up, though, of how does one know after the check is split that the gal is a feminist, or just doesn't respect you enough to expect you to pay.

For those of you who care, the TV schedule for football is presented. Get your VCR's ready.

Congrats to Bolkcom on winning the first month of the Home Run Pool. So now, if form holds, you should begin your collapse in the next three weeks.

As a follow-up to last weeks post about Thomas Ian Griffith, I thought it appropriate to share this posting:

I was talking with a bar buddy of mine at Joxer Daly's a few weeks ago...discussing movie villains. We were both rattling off several of them and seemed to agree on who were the great ones. Now, because I have utterly no life outside of work, Joxer's and home, I am going to share with you (M.C.)'s Top 40 Movie Villains Of All Time. Bear in mind these are my favorites and you may find yourself disagreeing or feeling that I missed a few. If that is the case then I encourage you to mail back your thoughts. Also, Ron Johnson (the stereo salesman who deflowered Stacy and never called again) and Mr. Hand, both from "Fast times At Ridgemont High", do not constitute villains. They were asses, to be sure, but fall short of downright evil.
1.Hans-"Die Hard"
2.John Silver-"The Karate Kid Part III"
3.John Creese-"The Karate Kid" "The Karate Kid part III"
4.The Inbreeds-"Deliverance"
5.Biff-"Back To The Future" (all three)
6.Neidermeyer-"Animal House"
7.Dean Wormer-"Animal House"
8.Tony Abbott (Farnsworth's confidential secretary)-"Heaven Can Wait"
9.Coach Moorland Smith-"One On One"
10.Warden Hazen-"The Longest Yard"
11.The Scorpio Killer-"Dirty Harry"
12.Victor Maitland-"Beverly Hills Cop"
13.Ganz-"48 Hrs"
14.Calvera-"The Magnificent Seven"
15.Hitler-"The Great Escape" (unseen in movie but influence implied)
16.Porky-"Porky's"
17.Johnny Lawrence-"The Karate Kid"
18.Mr. Joshua-"Lethal Weapon"
19.Rackie-"Youngblood"
20.Dr. Evil-"Austin Powers; International Man Of Mystery"
21.The Killer Tomatoes-"Attack Of the Killer Tomatoes"
22.Satan-"The Exorcist" (unseen in movie but presence implied strongly)
23.Ogie Oglethorpe-"Slap Shot"
24.The Blair Witch-"The Blair Witch Project"
25.Lo Pan-"Big Trouble In Little China"
26.The Car-"The Car"
27.Nurse Ratchet-"One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"
28.Sgt. Barnes-"Platoon"
29.The Iceberg-"Titanic"
30."Those Guys"-"Butch Cassidy And the Sundance Kid"
31.Michael Schwerner, James Chaney and Andy Goodman-"Mississippi Burning"
32.Ace-"Stand By Me"
33."Bruce" (the shark)-Jaws
34.Brad Wesley-"Roadhouse"
35.Keyser Soze-"The Usual Suspects"
36.The Jap(anese)-"Tora, Tora, Tora!" and "Midway"
37.Gordon Gecko-"Wall Street"
38.Rocket-"Colors"
39.Clubber Lang-"Rocky III"
40.Little Bill-"Unforgiven"
Honorable Mention:
The Fog-"The Fog"
White Squall-"White Squall"
Backdraft-"Backdraft"
Ike Clanton-"Tombstone"
The Pittsburgh Steelers-"Black Sunday"
Have a nice day and don't get any on 'ya.

Are you serious? C'mon, "Niedermeyer" over the Scorpio Killer? "Johnnie Lawrence" (who isn't really a villain) over "Brad Wesley"? And G, C, and S from Mississippi Burning? Was Atticus Finch not available in your memory bank? How about the character played by Morgan Freeman in Glory? Were you unable to remember the names of the freed slaves in Birth of a Nation?

By the way, I don't believe the character Billy Zane played in Titanic was named "Iceburg". And where on your list is "Frank" from Once Upon a Time in the West? "Buffalo Bill" from Silence of the Lambs? "Meg Ryan" from any Nora Ephron movie?

However, "Coach Smith" from One on One is an inspired selection. Glad to know that someone remembers the broad acting range of G.D. Spradlin. At least you can think of 50 movie villains.

There will never be peace as long as Sharon and Arafat have any say. One is an habitual war criminal, who is now trying to cover up an investigation of his army's atrocities in Jenin, and the other is a career terrorist. The President has no idea what to do, and seems to believe that the entire battle is just an inconvenience, halting him from what he believes is more important, which is to come up with some pretext for picking a fight with Iraq.

So without further adieu, here's an idea that makes sense....

Its time to check the mailbag...

Concerning my post last week on a potential future coach of the Philadelphia Flyers, M.C. of West Hollywood writes:

-- Thomas Ian Griffith would be a fine choice if he can teach the Flyers to score. Unfortunately, I suspect the only "scoring" the gentleman has knowledge of would be "scoring" on men. --

When I posted my suggestion, I was focusing only on Mr. Griffith's memorable role in the movie classic, Karate Kid III, where I thought his knowledge of "sweeps", his strategy for dealing with toxic waste, and his ability to respond positively to having a can of paint drop on his head might help that struggling franchise turn things around. But one of the great things about Smythe's World is the community that the blog has created, a place where people of all races, creeds, sexes, occupations, and sexual orientations can gather and share their expertise. As always, thanks for your input.

"Susan" writes:

--So the guy that thought an interactive site to yours brainliness was dumb, was the same, lets say man, that was also the first to respond. Ever wonder who exactly views your web site smithe? it would be much better to view message responses first hand, i'm not sure if your translation is accurate. after all you were the one who was saying 'looser' prior to the laker sweep! clearly accuracy is not your forte.--

Were you drinking when you wrote this? Does your computer not have a spell check? When have I ever said that the Lakers were loose? Thank goodness you play no role whatsoever in the education of our children; what a waste of taxpayer money that would be. Having said that, you are 110% correct on your demand for a responsive website for Smythe's World to gather and comment on my posts. I can promise you that your dream will soon come true !!! And, as always, thanks for your commentary.

If you are like me, you've been trying to find a way to motivate yourself to go to Korea next month for the World Cup. After all, travel and lodging are expensive, this is the world's biggest and most important sporting event, and football fans can be, well, passionate in their adherence to their team.

Well, this story pretty much convinced me that I'm going, screw the cost.

One of the things I promised I would do when I started blogging was to write some content about the Home Run Pool at Joxer Dalys, the sports bar/Irish pub I frequent. The concept is simple: each player drafts, in a pre-set order, the players he thinks will hit the most home runs; the fact that Omar Vizquel was twice the player Dave Kingman was is irrelevant; if he's available, Kong gets picked.

And so finally, without further adieu, some news about the Home Run Pool. As always, Mr. Bolkcom is off to a torrid start, and yours truly is battling for second, but if history is any guide, the participant currently in fifth will take charge about June 1 and leave the rest of us in his dust.