My Mom reads this online magazine all the time. After reading this particular article the other day, she called me to apologize for always being so hard on me. She said reading this has helped her understand better why I do the things I do in my life. Of course it made me curious to read it!
I absolutely love everything this woman had to say! She pretty much put my life into words for me. So I thought I’d share the love with you. Enjoy!
Things I have learned from being single
By Becky Thomas
Sunday, Oct. 04, 2009
I do not know what it is like to be divorced, lose a child, a spouse, a house, a job or even a parent; but heaven knows that I have had a little experience with being single.
For the sake of this column, by "single" I mean one who has never married. Since the population of singles is increasing every day, I suspect that everyone is rubbing shoulders with a "single" adult. Perhaps this column can give you a window in to our lives.
I would love to have a column for those who have been divorced, or have experienced tremendous loss, (child, spouse, friend, family, job, house, health, etc.) so that we can have a window into your lives as well. Certainly you have learned many things, and gained wisdom and perspective that could benefit the rest of us. I would love to hear from you.
Now, take a moment and come on in to my world:
1. There are things that are worse than being single.
To me this is a no-
brainer, but when people try to set us up and the only common denominator is our singleness, it makes me wonder if others might think it's the worse thing on earth and they want to rescue us from ourselves. Singleness isn't even in the ball park of the worst things that can happen to us.
2. Friends are a big part of our lives, and our single friends understand the most.
All of our friends are priceless, though not all of them understand.
3. We have perfected the art of finding purpose and meaning in almost everything.
This comes out of a need to make sense of our circumstances.
4. There are many awkward moments. Amazingly, we live to tell about it.
5. We are fully responsible as to how we spend or waste our time.
6. Every act of kindness is appreciated.
Invitations to dinner, baptisms, recitals, athletic competitions, lunch; everything is appreciated! Even if we don't accept them all, we love being included.
7. There are a lot of empty spaces to be filled.
We often feel a need to be going and doing, so we plan and plan, and everyone says, "you are so busy." We are usually just filling empty spaces.
8. Realizing that we may not mean to others, what they mean to us.
I learned this when I began to have nieces and nephews, they meant everything to me; however they have many relatives who love them. I realized that I will never mean to them what they mean to me. Also with my married friends, as their life is preoccupied with a husband and children, I may long for their time and friendship more than they long for mine.
9. The hand of the Lord is more evident, and appreciated.
Okay, before everyone gets defensive, just indulge me! I know married people see and appreciate his hand too, but being single, we look for his hand around every corner. Evidences of his hand can be lifesaving as we are often trying to find meaning and purpose in our lives; I just can't imagine anyone appreciating it as much as we do!
10. The Law of Compensation is our favorite law.
11. Having someone to love, friends, nieces and nephews is priceless.
Yes, having people in our lives to keep our love active and flowing is crucial.
12. Hope is our best friend.
She helps us through the most difficult of times.
13. Self-pity is just around the corner, and we don't want to take that turn.
Always seems like it is just a turn away; need to be careful.
14. There are no excuses for having a dirty house.
15. We determine our activity in the church, we are not elevated or pulled down by a spouse, it's entirely up to us.
16. Life is not as we expected, but it can still be so much more than we imagined.
17. It is easy to be critical of ourselves.
Always wondering why we are not married, etc.
18. Plenty of time to watch and learn from others.
19. It is easy to feel judged.
20. We want to feel needed.
21. Having a capable and willing home teacher is amazing!
22. It is easy to become selfish.
23. It's hard to balance being independent, versus "too independent.'
I asked a few of my single friends; this is what they said:
1. Everyone struggles, just in different areas.
2. Don't pick a fight with time. There is beauty at every age.
3. Self pity is not only useless, it is narcissistic.
4. Have respect for the situation you are in.
I think that sometimes we are so busy planning for the future and trying to "climb out" of our current situation that we miss out on things that are to be learned and enjoyed.
5. I'd rather be happy and single than miserable and married.
6. Doing daily tasks and chores alone makes me appreciate the mantra "many hands make light work."
7. Being a mid-aged single gives me compassion for the senior singles who don't have mobility on their side when tackling life alone.
8. When you are single, every Sunday you go to church feels like "Singles Awareness Day."
9. Being single means having to create the inertia to move outside your comfort zone.
10. As a single woman I have learned not to take the priesthood for granted.
11. I have gained more empathy for those outside the mainstream.
I have learned the importance of being slow to judge. It always seems easy to judge that which we don't understand.
12. I have learned the importance of relying on the Savior.
When you're single, your relationships with others are often in flux. Your friends start dating someone, or they get married, or they have children, or they move away. But the Savior is always there. And I am better able to draw strength from him when I take the time to nurture my relationship with him.
13. For me, it is crucial to have goals that I can work toward.
To a large extent, whether I get married is out of my hands -- so I like having goals that help me progress and that help me feel I have a certain amount of control in my life.
Hopefully this helps you to understand the mind and heart of your single friends. I am sure we can all benefit from your insight and perspective.
