Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Blond Jokes
There was a blonde who wanted to make some money, so she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the park and grabbed a boy and pulled him behind a tree. She wrote a note that said:
I've kidnapped your son! Leave a bag of 10,000 dollars next to this tree tomorrow at 3 pm.
-Signed: A Blonde.
Then she pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his mom. She went back the next day and sure enough, there was a bag. She looked in the bag and found 10,000 dollars along with a note that said:
Here's your money, but how could you do this to a fellow blonde?
---
This Guy who owns a porno shop and has his friend watch the store while he runs some errands. While the owner is away in walks this brunette. She walks up to the counter and asks, "How much for that pink dildo up on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$25." She said, "I'll take it!"
A few minutes later in walks this redhead. She walks up to the counter and asks, "How much for that purple dildo up on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$50." She said, "I'll take it."
A while later this blonde walks in. Her eyes got as big as saucers. She walked up to the counter and asked, "How much for that big silver dildo on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$100." She pays him and leaves.
In walks the owner and asks how business was doing, and his friend replies, "I sold the pink dildo for $25, I sold the purple dildo for $50, and I sold your THERMOS for a $100."
---
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
---
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.
The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.
Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the fucking goalie."
---
A bartender was working the late shift. While he was working, a beautiful blonde woman walked in and took a seat. She ordered up a Coors and sat there drinking it for a while. Suddenly, the woman passed out cold on the stool. The bartender had a sudden thought, and so he cautiously looked around. Seeing that no one was around, he closed up the bar, and took advantage of the situation.
The next night, the bartender was again working the late shift, but some of his friends stopped by, so he told them about the previous night and his good time with the blonde woman. All of a sudden, the blonde walks in again. The bartender motions to his friends that she is the same lady. The lady sits down at the bar and orders another Coors. Eventually, she passes out. The bartender closes up shop, and him and all of his friends take turns.
The next night, the bartender is working the late shift. His friends show up, with all of their friends, and so there is a huge crowd in the bar. The woman walks in again, orders a Coors, drinks it, and then passes out. So, the bartender closes up shop, and everyone has a turn.
The next night, even more people are waiting at the bar. The woman walks in and orders a Budweiser.
The bartender, his plans foiled, asks, "tYou don't want the usual?"
She looks at him and shakes her head. "No. Coors makes my pussy sore."
I've kidnapped your son! Leave a bag of 10,000 dollars next to this tree tomorrow at 3 pm.
-Signed: A Blonde.
Then she pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his mom. She went back the next day and sure enough, there was a bag. She looked in the bag and found 10,000 dollars along with a note that said:
Here's your money, but how could you do this to a fellow blonde?
---
This Guy who owns a porno shop and has his friend watch the store while he runs some errands. While the owner is away in walks this brunette. She walks up to the counter and asks, "How much for that pink dildo up on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$25." She said, "I'll take it!"
A few minutes later in walks this redhead. She walks up to the counter and asks, "How much for that purple dildo up on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$50." She said, "I'll take it."
A while later this blonde walks in. Her eyes got as big as saucers. She walked up to the counter and asked, "How much for that big silver dildo on the shelf?" The guy replies, "$100." She pays him and leaves.
In walks the owner and asks how business was doing, and his friend replies, "I sold the pink dildo for $25, I sold the purple dildo for $50, and I sold your THERMOS for a $100."
---
A blonde named Anna had a near death experience. The other day when she went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head first to the ground. Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.
---
A blonde began a job as an elementary school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was alright.
The boy said he was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.
Approaching again, Sandy said, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here alone?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the fucking goalie."
---
A bartender was working the late shift. While he was working, a beautiful blonde woman walked in and took a seat. She ordered up a Coors and sat there drinking it for a while. Suddenly, the woman passed out cold on the stool. The bartender had a sudden thought, and so he cautiously looked around. Seeing that no one was around, he closed up the bar, and took advantage of the situation.
The next night, the bartender was again working the late shift, but some of his friends stopped by, so he told them about the previous night and his good time with the blonde woman. All of a sudden, the blonde walks in again. The bartender motions to his friends that she is the same lady. The lady sits down at the bar and orders another Coors. Eventually, she passes out. The bartender closes up shop, and him and all of his friends take turns.
The next night, the bartender is working the late shift. His friends show up, with all of their friends, and so there is a huge crowd in the bar. The woman walks in again, orders a Coors, drinks it, and then passes out. So, the bartender closes up shop, and everyone has a turn.
The next night, even more people are waiting at the bar. The woman walks in and orders a Budweiser.
The bartender, his plans foiled, asks, "tYou don't want the usual?"
She looks at him and shakes her head. "No. Coors makes my pussy sore."
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Mystery Solved
When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky".
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Gorsky statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors' bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Oral sex? You want oral sex? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Gorsky statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors' bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Oral sex? You want oral sex? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Modesty Shmodesty...
Sometimes I read the papers that I have written and I am amazed at how much bullsh*t / intelligent work I can spew.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Joke of the Day
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third. The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines,
"Preacher's Ass shows"
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said,
"Preacher's Ass out in Front"
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The newspaper printed this headline,
"Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass"
This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal. The Preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read,
"Nun has the Best Ass in Town"
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00. The paper states,
"Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks"
They buried the Bishop the next day.
"Preacher's Ass shows"
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said,
"Preacher's Ass out in Front"
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The newspaper printed this headline,
"Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass"
This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal. The Preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read,
"Nun has the Best Ass in Town"
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00. The paper states,
"Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks"
They buried the Bishop the next day.
What Is Your Sin?
| Greed: | High | |
| Gluttony: | Medium | |
| Wrath: | Medium | |
| Sloth: | Medium | |
| Envy: | High | |
| Lust: | Very High | |
| Pride: | High |
The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com
12 Lotus
Caught the movie 12 Lotus on Saturday.
I must say, Roystan Tan is a good director, with a good eye for angles and cinematics.
But I was quite disappointed in the movie to be honest. Don't get me wrong, it was not bad. Not an entire waste of time, but compared to 881, it paled in comparison.
I would have liked more songs, more glitz and of course, more of Mindee Ong. =P
I must say, Roystan Tan is a good director, with a good eye for angles and cinematics.
But I was quite disappointed in the movie to be honest. Don't get me wrong, it was not bad. Not an entire waste of time, but compared to 881, it paled in comparison.
I would have liked more songs, more glitz and of course, more of Mindee Ong. =P
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Social Networking 2.0
Its official, social networking websites have taken roots in our lives.
My friend just sent his wedding invites by Facebook.
Hurhur.
My friend just sent his wedding invites by Facebook.
Hurhur.
Morning Express, Class 95 FM
Listening to the Morning Express makes me feel happy.
No, its not because of the "witty" banter between Glenn and FD. Not because they crack funny jokes and are a pleasure to listen to. Not because they touch on key issues and bring out good alternative viewpoints.
In all honesty, I think they fail in all criteria above.
Listening to the Morning Express makes me feel happy because from it, I am reminded that there are a lot of stoopid idiots out there.
People like Glenn and FD who are misinformed, under-read people who try to sound intelligent when they pull stuff off the newspaper for discussion. Maybe they should have an internet connection in the studio so they can google before they open their traps.
The callers who call in who cannot even get Cash for Qashqai as a simple password correct.
FYI. I listen to the station only periodically in 3 minute spurts. Anymore and I risk laughing out loud and in so doing, close my eyes. Which is highly not recommended when one is driving.
No, its not because of the "witty" banter between Glenn and FD. Not because they crack funny jokes and are a pleasure to listen to. Not because they touch on key issues and bring out good alternative viewpoints.
In all honesty, I think they fail in all criteria above.
Listening to the Morning Express makes me feel happy because from it, I am reminded that there are a lot of stoopid idiots out there.
People like Glenn and FD who are misinformed, under-read people who try to sound intelligent when they pull stuff off the newspaper for discussion. Maybe they should have an internet connection in the studio so they can google before they open their traps.
The callers who call in who cannot even get Cash for Qashqai as a simple password correct.
FYI. I listen to the station only periodically in 3 minute spurts. Anymore and I risk laughing out loud and in so doing, close my eyes. Which is highly not recommended when one is driving.
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Monday, August 04, 2008
Friday, August 01, 2008
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