Odds and Ends

I've already been derailed by Gladys sprinkling sugar carefully into my printer, so who knows how the day will proceed (although I'm sure we can all make an educated guess). In light of this fact, I'm scrapping a beautifully written post (constructed blissfully at 5:30 in bed while Gladys tried to strangle me with her milk and mighty little arm--she slept the whole night across my neck, screaming whenever I tried to move her over slightly. Romulus settled himself carefully on my shins and wouldn't be moved either. Isn't this what we always dreamed of as conjugal bliss? Two large children, two cats and a husband? Actually, I only ever dreamed about the husband. The children and cats are a surprise) about the providence and grace of God and the graciousness of his order in our lives in favor of a list.

1. PLEASE pray for my mother who is having a medical procedure done this evening (it'll be Kenya time). She is having to be admitted to the hospital for what is normally an outpatient procedure because of insurance issues. Please pray that everything goes smoothly and we find that she's Perfectly Healthy!!!
Here are the flowers I gave to all the mothers on Mother's day. They're for my mother really but I somehow missed posting on Mother's Day.



2.Here is the 'material' I invented for my 'level 3' Sunday School class. I'm using scare quotes because even though it is in the spirit of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, its my own invention and by no means a sanctioned material.


I'll try to take some better pictures again this Sunday, but basically I wrote prettily on cards, all the resurrection appearances (the references only) and laminated them. I made the cards a reasonable size and then on tiny strips (again laminated) I wrote names, places, times of day, and items of interest. For a quick example of the strips I have: Mary Magdalen, Mary the Mother of James, tomb, stone, spices, Emmaus, two men, two men in shinning apparel, Jesus (although I forgot that card and had to go back and make it, heh), Peter, John, fish, 153 fish, boat, Galilee, Jerusalem, etc. etc. For the actual presentation, you lay the first card down, read the story, (after distributing the strips) and then everyone lays down the strips that they heard. I also printed pretty and famous art and they had to decide which pictures to lay down. Then we read the second account and they moved the strips which applied and added any new ones. As we progressed through the resurrection accounts, you could see, visually, what was the same in each and what was peculiar to each. Its taken us a long time, because we've been repeating, quickly and briefly, each previous story before adding new ones. Every week I think we're going to finish but we never do. The discussion about the details has been instructive and interesting, and amazingly, this whole process seems to be hitting them exactly where they are (9 to 12 on the ages scale). Its been very helpful to have a visual and its interactive. Its been so good that they've asked if we can do the same thing for the 'End Times' or rather 'Parousia' as we say in the atrium. I'm not sure how I would put that together, but I think it could be cool. Anyway, if you're interested and you want a better explanation, email me. For heaven's sake, if you REALLY wanted it, I'd make it again and sell it for a small and reasonable price.

3. Chicken BBQ this Saturday!!! You all better be there. 11-3.
4.Having babies is a huge consolation in times of difficulty. I've noticed, lately, that Matt, who has been under ENORMOUS stress, visibly relaxes while watching Gladys and Romulous. He can just sit and watch them being ridiculous, and they're so cute and basically pleasant (I say that with obvious reservations). I can see his shoulders relax and his brow unfurl. Of course, I recommend having older children as well, but as a pure stress reducer, if you find life especially difficult, gather yourself up a baby. It makes all the difference in the world.




5. And finally (although by this point I'm Practically doing 7 Quick Takes), here is the very nice Tea/Coffee I served to our departing students (those graduating and leaving) in the middle of their week of finals. I was forced to make brownies from scratch, being unable to locate a box, and they were delicious. We will miss the students very much and hope they will visit us periodically. One is on her way to China to do short term work, one to Korea to be in the army before returning to resume his studies, one is on her way to Cornell, and one to grad school in NYC.

And that, as they say, is that.
See you at the BBQ!!

Another Busy Day

Alouicious and Gladys were due for 18 month and 5 year well babies today (so grateful to have a doctor who will see kids back to back). They were both supposed to have shots, but Gladys arrived with a fever already and escaped them. Alouicious is milking his trauma for all its worth. They're both healthy and, as I suspected, Alouicious has NO hearing issues. He speaks perfectly and clearly, but I just wanted professional backup that he does have selective hearing, another problem all together.

Now that we're home, we're going to spend the afternoon outside learning stuff, or rather, reviewing all the stuff we already know.

And for you, I thought you might enjoy this lovely gem (h/t Jen). So perfect.

Too busy to blog, but

isn't this a lovely picture of my grandmother?

She died in 1999, just before I started seminary. And I've been missing her more every day since. She (like my own mother) was remarkable and quirky. Anyway, have a nice day. I'm making pizza dough and fighting with Elphine about how we're going to do school today.

My Sermon for This morning: John 20:24-29

I’m preaching this morning with hesitation and reluctance. First, of course, because Matt has been preaching so exceptionally on these resurrection accounts—and it is fairly impossible to preach in his wake and measure up. I had been looking forward to his next installment and am disappointed to be giving it myself. Second, this is one of my least favorite texts in the Bible. You all have been used to me saying about practically every passage, ‘Oh, This is my favorite!’ Well, today we’ve reached one of those few texts I like less well. Not only so, I have already preached several unremarkable sermons on these very verses. It seems a sadness to add anything to my already considerable pile of words on this subject. However, duty to my husband, to you and certainly to the gospel compels me to try, and now having sufficiently lowered your expectations to ensure general success, I beg you will turn in your Bibles to John 20 verse 24. Remember, for a moment that Jesus appeared on Easter Sunday first to the Marys and other women, then to the two on the Road to Emmaus, then to Peter and finally to a general assembling of disciples and friends excluding Thomas, who, I always liked to think, popped out for a late run to the shops. However, Matt says it would be impossible to get any man to run out this late, probably 9pm or so, for shopping. In other words, we have no idea why he left the group and went out into the night on his own. But go he does, and that’s when Jesus shows up. And let us also remember, before we go any further, that None of the disciples believed right away that Jesus Rose, certainly not based on the Scriptures, which should have been enough, but then on the testimony of those who had seen him, i.e. the women. Although their account certainly inspired hope, it did not bring about belief. The men on the road to Emmaus were intrigued,
but they didn’t believe them until Jesus appeared to them himself. Likewise the disciples. When Jesus appears to the group, he twice tells them to calm down—‘Peace be with you’. So it is not unusual that Thomas, having missed Jesus, wouldn’t immediately believe. Furthermore, he has missed the gift of the Holy Spirit. Jesus breathed on them and filled them with the Holy Spirit. If you’re confused about this, please go look up Matt’s sermon from last week on the difference between ‘filling’ and ‘indwelling’ of the Holy Spirit. But look at verse 25: “So the other disciples told him.” The tense of the verb, in Greek here is important. The word means ‘told’ and ‘kept on telling’. They didn’t just say it and then let the matter rest, they kept on telling, over and over for a whole a week. It may have been that first telling that evoked Thomas’s harsh response, but it seems rather overblown to be the first thing he might say, more the result of being told over and over and over and over and of finally stating rather too strongly the darkness of doubt. “Unless I see the marks, and put my finder into the mark, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” I want to say, before we continue much father, that nothing in the gospels indicate that Thomas is of a remarkably doubtful disposition. No more than any of us. Rather, do not neglect the terrible implications of the crucifixion itself. All of the disciples had seen it—well, I say that metaphorically, only John saw it, all the rest were hiding. But, they had understood very well what had happened. Here they had been following someone they thought was going to save them, someone they thought was the messiah, someone they thought was God. But who had died the death of one accursed. This was not lost on them. Everybody had been despairing last Sunday. Even so, we must examine the case against Thomas. Thomas has been hearing eye witness accounts of the Resurrection For A Week. And not just any eye witnesses—those of people he knows intimately. I, as Matt can verify, am frequently taken in. Several years ago, A nice looking guy and his fiancée came looking for help. It seemed he had been accused of something
And his life was ruined by the legal fees And he just really needed to be allowed to do some charitable work in the church and then have the church give him a letter on church letter head indicating that he was a wonderful person. To this end he kept bringing large amounts of canned goods. More than we could ever cope with, and always seemed to arrive just as the service was over. And I was completely taken in. Wiser heads intervened and protected the church, many of them pointing out that I should have caught on sooner and not encouraged him so much. But I am just a naturally trusting person. I think this is many a modern objection to the eyewitness accounts of the gospel—I wasn’t there, how do I know I’m not being scammed? Plus, Christians are so weird, how could I possibly trust them? But Thomas knows the other 10. He knows the women. He knows the change wrought in them over the last three years—from being morally dubious, confused, proud, unbearable rabble rousers from the back water of Galilee, to Real Lovers of Jesus. He knows them. Furthermore, the testimony of two or more trustworthy witness, according to Old Testament Law, were to be believed. The Bible is remarkable in the vastness of its First Hand Eye Witness accounts—accounts, no less, that agree with each other. Most other primary source material is not nearly so impressive. To have one eyewitness is usually considered very helpful. Thomas had them All in one room, over many days—details, agreements, a timeline. And yet he persists in unbelief. “I will not believe” he says. I think this is where the average Christian, like me, becomes frustrated with poor Thomas, with this text, and with the culture at large. How intransigent! I think, What is your problem? Just believe. The fact that the disciples keep on telling Thomas for 8 days indicates that they were similarly frustrated. “What’s not to believe?! I’m here telling you. Are you calling me a liar?” Recently I came away from speaking with someone about a serious moment of doubt they were experiencing,
and I found that I was feeling personally insulted. They must think I’m an irrational idiot. That’s the implication. I’ve built my entire life around this fact, this knowledge of a risen and living Jesus. I’ve been willing to suffer, though not, perhaps, as much as some. My entire life would be sheer lunacy if this wasn’t all true, objectively, not just true for me. Its not enough for it just to be true for me. My truth—what is it that Britney Speers said? “Can you handle my truth? No, it has to be true for everyone to justify the kind of life the Christian is called to live. But we live in a culture that cannot accept this claim. Doubt is the only acceptable life choice—It might be true, maybe, but I don’t want to know for sure. I’m not going to accept it unless I can see it. You telling me, the Bible telling me, the Bible being coherent and measurably and historically verifiably true isn’t enough. I will not believe. And this deep societal cultural and sometimes personally encountered unbelief, or persist doubt, for those of us who really believe, can feel like a stunning personal indictment. Our word, the word of the Scriptures, isn’t good enough. But it must not be so. Helpless and frustrated the disciples Keep On Telling Thomas, even though nothing will change his mind but Jesus himself. John says that it was 8 days later which, by the way of counting days at that time Puts us again to Sunday, one week after the resurrection. `Verse 26: “Jesus came” again into the same locked room, and said again “Peace be with you” and then, because he perfectly well knew what the problem was, he addressed Thomas directly, inviting him to do what he boasted would be necessary for belief. “Put your hand in my side, your fingers into my nail wounds.” This is the painful reality of conviction and Truth. Whatever you have been so proud and stubborn about—that will be what brings you to your knees before the Lord. I doubt very much that Thomas had to actually do those things. Seeing Jesus, alive, was enough. It is always enough. And it is the reason we must not give into frustration and discouragement in our proclamation of the gospel. Jesus is enough, Not only so, it is only Jesus who is enough. No words, no actions, no intention, no Chicken BBQ, no pony rides, no perfectly written guest letter can achieve what Jesus does in a look, a word, himself. But no means do I mean that our striving for the sake of the gospel is useless, unnecessary, or in vain. The disciples Kept On Telling him. But rather, we strive, we preach, we welcome, we organize parties, we persist, we go into all the world knowing that at the critical moment, when the time is perfect, when everything is ready, Jesus will show up, Suddenly, and he will be enough. Jesus gently rebukes Thomas and then encourages us—everyone of us who hasn’t seen Jesus in his flesh, though the eyes of our hearts have seen him, though we have heard his voice in the scriptures and seen his over powering action in our lives. ‘Have you believed because you have not seen?’ one of those terrible questions that are really statements of fact. ‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believed.’ Not irrationally leapt into a psychological ‘faith’ with no basis in fact, but rather who have been honest enough to consider the evidence as it stands, who have submitted to the evidence, who have seen the truth, acknowledged the truth and who are then welcomed into an amazing relationship with Jesus all without seeing his flesh, the color of his eyes, the expression of his face, the wounds in his hands. Blessed—well are you who believe. But I have skipped over practically the best part, verse 28: “Thomas answered him, ‘My Lord and my God.’” Certainly Thomas believes that Jesus is alive, but he also gets the full implication of that fact. Do you remember how John starts his gospel? Right, ‘In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.’ John makes sure we know that Jesus, the Preincarnate Word, is God, but he doesn’t bring it up again for 19 chapters. ‘Lord’ slips in here and there, infrequently, sometimes meaning ‘Sir’ sometimes more than that, but finally in chapter 20, out of the lips of the Greatest Doubter in all Scripture, we get this thunderously resounding adoring acclamation, ‘My Lord and My God.’

I’m going to stop there.
Matt will pick up from this point next week.

The first onslaught of pictures

I want to wish my very own father most hearty Congratulations!!! on his ordination as a priest in the province of Kenya this last Sunday. He was ordained by Archbishop Nzimbi along with a lot of other wonderful people and as far as I can make out, an excellent time was had by all. My mother arrived in the nick of time from England and didn't miss anything (which had been the great worry). So here are a few pictures of the occasion.

Here he is with my mom, actually being ordained.


Archbishop Nzimbi asked him to be one of four to stand with him at the altar during communion.


Here he is in the general crowd.


Here he is milling around during the peace (you can also see my mom in back of him).


I must say, I'm totally delighted. I, and many others, have felt strongly over the years that my dad should pursue this course. For one thing, he's an excellent preacher. And for another, he knows everything already (that is, all the stuff that the rest of us have to go to seminary to learn). But timing is everything. And this was the right moment. We look Very much forward to him preaching and celebrating when he arrives here this summer (if you're in the area, do stop by).

More pictures of other things as the day ufolds. Right now I have to shove everybody in the car and go buy Milk and diapers.

What I Really Wanted to do

was post some pictures. I took some very nice ones over the weekend and even today, and I intend to get them up online. BUT, I'm beat. For some bizarre reason, in the last three days, I have scrubbed my kitchen floor on my hands and knees, vacuumed nearly the whole house (I never vacuum, if I can get someone else to do it), rearranged furniture, made brownies from scratch, made mango cobbler, cooked two awfully nice dinners, kept the children at their school work, the list goes on. I'm in no way trying to brag here. I'm as confused about it as all of you probably are. Lately (for the last 14 weeks) I've been lying around on the floor, on the couch, in bed, in chairs, completely wiped out and unable even to take a shower without having to recuperate afterward. So I'm surprised to find that its only 8:30, the house is in order, and I can collapse into bed if I want to, without feeling like there's one more thing I should do. So, I'm not even going to blog, I'm going to read Pride and Prejudice (again) in bed with my sick cat and will have a go at those pictures tomorrow.

Home School Update (sort of)

I'm waiting for my slow children to finish their morning chores so we can try to learn something. I was thinking about getting in there and speeding them up, but then I thought, 'Why on Earth would I do that? when I can sit here and blog.' The best thing that has happened to me in months has been to decide that the 'day', school or otherwise, shouldn't begin before 10:30, sometimes stretching towards 11. And also that its ridiculous to try to read the Holy Scriptures in the morning when I'm not awake, and better to read them in the kitchen at 4 in the afternoon with a super sugared mug of tea (I have to sugar everything these days, just make it go down and stay down). And also, its helped to realize that we're 'homeschooling' (I know, most of you have already figured this out, but its taken me almost a year) by which I mean that there's no reason to sit down at the table at a particular hour and do everything in a certain order. That's why people go to school. No, it actually works just fine to go through the business of learning and reviewing at the same time as cooking lunch or packing up winter clothes. Since I've chucked our nonexistent 'schedule' we've actually been making progress. And I've also Finally figured out, after months of struggle, that Elphine works best independently and really all her work needs to be done with me not breathing down her neck. I'm always worried that she's not working, but then it turns out that she knows lots more than I even planned on.

Looks like they're just about finished. Right on time, 10:46. Now if only the sun would come out, we could go outside and really apply ourselves.

New Shop (Shameless Appeal)

Matt's wonderful mother and sister have just opened a new Etsy Shop. They're designing and making baby clothes and things--So Pretty. I happen to know, from personal experience, that Matt's mother is an excellent designer and seamstress and I'm equally positive his sister is as well. So, if you need something beautiful for a baby, go check out Mimi and Meg. Now! Go! What are you waiting for!!

PS. I've carefully added them to my sidebar, so if you happen to be reading along, and suddenly think, Oh BLAST, what am I going to get for that baby shower!?, you have only look over just slightly to the left and click and there you'll be.

If you have a moment, pray

I REALLY don't have time to thinking about this. My school area is covered in salt put there by a roaring lion of a baby, seeking what she may devour, and I'm trying to work my way to clear up the breakfast things, and my oldest is insisting that she's sick and must lie languidly and unhelpfully in bed reading Laura books, and my two little boys are supposed to be 'carrying' laundry down to the laundry room, which really means they're scattering it willy nilly around the house and pretending to be knights on horses, BUT, I just wanted you all to stop and pray for the real dio of San Joaquin in California, which is realistically looking at the loss of a lot of property. Of course, this is an opportunity for the glory and providence of God to be on display, and it will be, but I plead that you pray for them anyway, particularly as going to court and being involved in this mess brings with it an uncomfortable helpless feeling. As if all of ones enemies are arrayed on a vast plane, and then an outside, liberal secular judge comes in and sort of wildly swings opinions around, and there's nothing you can do about it, except trust God. Which is, of course, what he's been wanting us to do all the time anyway. However, trusting in the sovereign providence and goodness of God doesn't diminish the deep foul injustice of a 'church' that is bent on the utter destruction and ruin of those who love and serve Jesus. And I've found, it doesn't get rid of that helpless knot in the pit of your stomach. God will be glorified, and he will work miracles, a million tiny miracles we will all never know about, but pray anyway, because this is the valley of the shadow, and the enemy is waiting for an opportune moment to pounce. And now, I will go deal with all that salt. Good day to you all.

A Gray and Cluttered Monday Morning

Apart from going out to buy milk and returning our wildly overdue library books, I expect we will be in the whole day, cleaning and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning until we can bear to live here again.

My Hope (Matt, are you reading this?) is that we will rearrange the living room furniture, deMarker the walls and carpet, put all the laundry and clutter away where it belongs, vacuum, dust, and bring in a toddler bed for Gladys who appears to be able to get out of her crib, ridiculously small though she is.

Of course, if he suddenly suggests a family outing or something, I will forthrightly chuck this plan and figure out a way to do it all later.

In other words, I'm not really blogging, I don't have anything to write about, and so you'll all just have to amuse yourselves for the day.

7 Quick Takes

1. Its extremely unnerving having a baby (well, an 18 month old) who basically can talk, who thinks she can clean, who climbs up the ladder to the slide, pushing your hands away as you try to help her, who runs around with an arrogant little swagger and who often takes your face in her fat little hands, tilts her head to one side and says condescendingly and loudly 'Mommmmyyyyy'. I feel so bossed and managed. Good Lord preserve me.

2. I was also totally unnerved to find my husband, who already does all the laundry, kitty litter and fully half the cooking, bring a basket of laundry up last night already folded. 'Who folded this!?' I asked in hysteria. 'I did' he said, 'are you mad?' 'Of course, I am,' I said, 'here I am, sitting in front of the computer, watching ancient episodes of The Thin Blue Line, amidst the wreckage of a filthy and cat pea laden house, feeling foul and guilty already. And you, after a full day of stressful work, come home and fold the laundry too! Can't you see that I feel bad enough already.' Said thank you later. Turns out some wonderful lady in the church told him, by way of casual conversation, that if you fold the laundry as soon as it comes out of the drier, nothing gets wrinkled. And since I also don't iron, he thought he'd give it a try.
3.Turns out, due to the size of the head of the baby, that I'm a week ahead of my previously calculated due date of November 6. The doctor moved it up to Nov 2, which makes us all very happy. The very nice ultrasound technician lady, when I cringingly lifted my shirt and bore my flesh for all the world to see, exclaimed, 'You have Battle Scars! What baby is this?' 'Number 5' I said. 'Wow,' she said, 'you're never the same, are you?' But the baby is super healthy and cute, and I think its a boy, mostly based on the size of that enormous head.
4.This Sunday is Good Shepherd Sunday and there's going to be food between the services (well, there's always food, but I think its going to be fancy). I so enjoy these eating days at church. Really makes the whole morning worth while. So, if you're in the Binghamton area, come by and help us celebrate our name day.
5. I have tulips growing in my front planter/bed thing. They're really lovely. I'm so surprised and impressed.
6. Elphine has decided she would like to be a professional ballerina who dances Swan Lake at Carnegie Hall. Told her she has to be Really good in Math, be able to read and enjoy it, and know the Time line perfectly. I'm not sure she believed me, but she did buckle down to work on the Time Line for the rest of the day, so maybe she really means it.
7. I can't wait for my parents to come. Wish they were going to be here the whole summer. Think about it every day instead of doing important things (like cleaning the house). REALLY wish I could eradicate the cat pea before they arrive (without eradicating the cats, don't even suggest it, its not an option).

Go check out Jen for more Quick Takes.

Perhaps what we were thinking

but didn't have the gumption to say out loud. The Anglican Curmudgeon fisks Judge Lebous.
Here's a little taste:

For the latest example of such a judicial shortcut, see this decision by Judge Ferris Lebous in the lawsuit brought by the Diocese of Central New York against the Church of the Good Shepherd in Binghamton. Earlier, Judge Lebous granted summary adjudication to the Diocese on its claim to own by forfeit the parish's real and personal property after the parish voted to leave the Diocese. (Never mind that there were not enough parishioners remaining to allow the building to stay open; it's the principle of the thing, don't you understand? "People may leave, but buildings stay put, even if they are empty. We can always sell them---but not to those who left, you understand---and put the cash to good use in suing other parishes for their property.")

By granting summary adjudication, Judge Lebous necessarily found that there were no facts in dispute that needed a trial to sort them out. No, all was clear from the respective affidavits submitted on either side.

A Great Comment over at SF, and a Request for Prayer

Chancellor, over at Stand Firm, posted this very helpful comment last night, concerning our current situation at Good Shepherd.

A propos of “turning my Father’s house into a market” (John 2:16, referenced in the good Bishop’s sermon), the recent decision by Judge Ferris Lebous in the case of the Diocese of Central NY against Fr. Matt’s Church of the Good Shepherd (http://www.standfirminfaith.com/media/decision_and_order_03_20_09_good_shepherd.pdf) provides a textbook example of how to misconstrue motives. As I read the Judge’s rather cursory opinion, the parishioners of Good Shepherd are to be punished by further legal proceedings for having the temerity to decrease---nay, even withhold---their voluntary contributions to the Church while the Diocese sought to confiscate all of its property and assets in a lawsuit. The Judge says that he is “troubled” to find that parishioners stopped putting money into the collection plate beginning about April 2008, and that this decrease meant that the parish “was doing everything it could to spend down the assets, divert new income, and perhaps even actively interfere with the Diocese’s right of ownership.” (Bold emphasis added.)

Could any words more appropriately convey the sense of what Jesus was doing when he overturned the tables of the moneychangers and ordered the dovesellers to get out? Notwithstanding the Dennis Canon, which expressly states that all parish property is to be used for the benefit of the parish while it remains in ECUSA, Judge Lebous (and apparently the DCNY, which asked him so to find) thinks that a parish has no right to spend down its assets if parishioners stop contributing because the Diocese is suing them to get all their property. Instead, the poor parishioners must continue “business as usual"---making their Sunday contributions as though nothing was wrong---all the while that the Diocese plots how quickly it can take over everything they have.

Under this view, a parish is nothing more than a local business which finds itself on the “market” once the Diocese sues it, and must continue with its “business” as though nothing was wrong (pending its confiscation by the Diocese). But this “market” is completely rigged from the get-go by the Dennis Canon: “heads ECUSA/the Diocese wins, and tails you (the parish) lose.” So by all means, suckers, keep putting your money in the plate, otherwise the Court will see to it that you have to spend even more money to explain why you weren’t overjoyed to do so while you were being sued.

Not only that, but we will find you blameworthy of even daring to think that you might have a right to take certain property which you donated to the Church when the Court orders you out on just a few days’ notice. For that property was not donated to the parish, don’t you see? No, it was donated to the people who were suing you---because you are a Christian, are you not? You are supposed to give the people who are suing you the shirt off your back, and then to be ashamed that you didn’t think to leave them your coat, too.

The problem with Judge Lebous’ thinking is that it requires Fr. Matt’s parishioners to live fully up to the Christian ideal while it rewards the DCNY for insisting on the terms of a very un-Christian, unilateral contract (once you join our church, all your property is ours when you leave) that the parishioners never knew about or assented to. (Cf. Bishop O’Neill in the recent Colorado case: “Oh, we don’t expect the average parishioner to know anything about the canons.") Well, Matt is fully up to the standard laid on him by Judge Lebous. If you want a perfect example of Christian charity while under siege for all that you have (and then some), you have only to read the letter Matt+ wrote to his parishioners (http://binghamtongoodshepherd.blogspot.com/2009/04/letter-to-church-of-good-shepherd.html) explaining why they had to hand over all the things they thought were theirs to control, and to let the Diocese have all that it wanted. Blessings upon you and your parishioners, Matt+ --- you have set an example for all Christians to emulate, and have demonstrated the simple truth of our fathers’ adage: “A good example is the best sermon.”

I want to particularly ask for prayer that we as a church, and me in particular, would be able to maintain a steady calm in the ongoing roller coaster of this legal mess. After an unhappily cold winter, and the pain of sudden loss, and the difficulty of a complete move in a short time, we are settling in brilliantly and contentedly to our new house and church. The swing set is up, the older children are eager to study and learn, Romulus has stopped asking to go home every day, the baby is her cheerful exhausting self, and we need to keep our eyes fixed forward, on Jesus, and on the work he is giving us to do. I need a super natural miracle to maintain a steady spiritual life as daily we continue in this battle waged against us.

For those of you who often forget to read the Good Shepherd Blog

Please go check out this letter that Matt has just written to Good Shepherd. We finally got word from the Judge concerning the Brennan Estate. Not surprisingly we lost. But the decision was troubling on other respects, and Matt deals with that in the letter. Please do check it out, and please also pray for the Episcopal Church, for the Judge, and for all those who so desperately need the grace and truth of Jesus in their lives.

Odds and Ends

Gladys has just gotten into my make up and made herself up into a garish and strange looking baby. Got most of it off, for which she was Very Angry with me.

Have my first appointment and ultrasound today.

Kitty much better, though not perfect. Still don't know what's wrong with her.

Been quietly freaking out about swine flu. So easy, while falling asleep, to imagine thousands of people falling sick in the streets of Binghamton. Trying not to be ridiculous about it.

Busy day. Probably not much time for blogging.

Something Catchy for a Monday

Stand Firm has posted this lovely and moving song which is super catchy to boot. I was having trouble with it loading all the way and began casting about on youtube and found the official video (not for very young viewers). You probably still want to watch in on stand firm for the words which are not on the video here.

The song is about a man who was gay and worked through it (with the help of a beautiful woman) and stopped being gay. What I particularly like is that he didn't seem to go in for the psychotherapy and all that (not that that's at all a bad or unhelpful thing) but rather was honest enough with himself to examine his past and present and find that he wasn't in a good place. And then, of course, the beautiful woman was a great help. It seems to be a classic case of homosexuality--domineering mother, distant and unavailable father equals sexual identity confusion.

Baby in a Box

And Because I Just Can't Stop Blogging

(What is my problem today!!!)
This is my new favorite thing ever.

h/t Et Tu Jen

Update on My Cat for those who care deeply

I took her to a different vet last night. They saw me the day I called and were very professional and helpful. They ruled out, pretty conclusively, the idea of a blood clot, and then I did spring for an XRay which came up normal (thank heaven) and some blood work, about which I will find out tomorrow. This vet suspects diabetes or some such something. Anyway, I spent a bundle but not the moon and came home a lot more cheerful. ALSO, she's really not in pain. She doesn't feel well, but she doesn't hurt which makes us all feel Much Happier.

And for clarification, this is my big white kitty (Siamese/calico I found out last night) and not the kitty who was lost and found. I really need to go take a picture of her. She has beautiful blue eyes and she's enormously fat.

PRAY

for the election of the new Archbishop of Kenya going on today! Pray Pray Pray.

Note to my Mother

All my emails to you are bouncing back. ALL of them. Been emailing for hours.

Weekend in Review (many days late)

So, I think I had the flu. For a few days I thought it was the worse pregnancy ever (well, it still is that) but turns out I was actually sick. Couldn't even barely stand up. Wept piteously over my cat who has been lying in my closet looking at me with disdain as I keep trying to shove medicine down her throat. She's really not better at all. Think I'm going to try for a second opinion.

Anyway, I had Fully Intended to blog on Sunday evening as we had the most exciting weekend on record for some time.

First of all, on Saturday, we had two funerals. Its moments like this that we're delighted to live only ten steps from the church.
Saturday Evening, Elphine, Alouiscious, a very charming friend and I all went to the Symphony to hear Bram's Requiem.
Here are some of us all dressed up.

It particularly fitting to listen to this Requiem after two funerals. The music was wonderful, and I carefully followed the translation in my booklet and found Bram's exposition of the scriptures to be both moving and comforting. Unfortunately, we were in the very front row and so while the sound was Amazing, Elphine and Alouicious couldn't see barely anything. However, they were golden and quiet and only whispered very loudly a couple of times.

Saturday we celebrated Alouicious' birthday again along with his very good friend who also turned five this week.

An excellent time was had by all, and when the party was over at church, the Real fun began here at home, where several friends came over to play in the back yard. Funnily enough, as all the adults were sitting around catching up, we noticed a young man come out the back door of the church. Matt, without saying a word to anyone, leaped out of his seat, flew through the back door, jumped over the fence, and chased the young man back through the church, into the church parking lot (which was hidden from us and so we found all this out later), down the street to the river, back up onto the main road, where, with the help of two sensible quick thinking men from the church (one of whom helpfully had a motorcycle) apprehended the young man in someone's front yard. The police were called and arrived within minutes and promptly arrested the gentlemen (which is rather too nice a word) who had several outstanding warrants.

Matt walked back home and sat back down in his chair, slightly more rumpled, and resumed his glass of wine. We realized that he had removed his collar but was still wearing his jacket and black clericals and so the young man might not have known he was a minister but might possibly thought he was someone involved with law enforcement, heh. Turns out Matt had seen the young man Saturday evening, while we were at the Symphony, standing in our back yard gazing into someone else's house (a young woman, in fact, with whom he was already emotionally entangled and whom he had been calling obsessively). Matt chased him off then, but when he came back to do it again on Sunday afternoon, it was enough. We've so very grateful he was caught and this young woman will have a break from him. He begged and begged to be let go before the police arrived, but Matt and the other men said that wouldn't be possible, though they would certainly visit him in prison and hopefully minister to his many needs and problems.

Further excitement was had when a police officer came into our back yard to scope out the route and make contact with the young woman. It was certainly one of the Best Birthdays ever, themed and everything (Cops and Robbers or Police Officer Arrives at the Scene) and all the little boys especially were totally thrilled. Elphine now has a list of rules for her room pasted to her wall, number thirteen of which reads 'No Criminals Allowed in my Room'.

Everybody Else is Blogging

What is it about Fridays an blogging?
I've been up for hours, hours and hours. Gladys waddled her chubby legs into my bed with her large bottle, pressed her enormous head into my neck and proceeded to beat on me like one of those new fangled cage fights where everything goes and you have to tap out when you've had enough. Couldn't move because I had another child pressed squarely into my back, one on top of my feet, and a large cat sitting on my chest. Matt looked on in wonder and amazement and finally asked if I'd like some hot chocolate before he went to Bible Study (can you believe that I looked at the clock at 3:45am and then looked at his pillow and realized he was already up for the day-crazy). I persuaded them all to go watch Between the Lions while I vaguely read the Bible for ten minutes and then, in a fit of wickedness, abandoned it for an old battered copy of Anne of Green Gables. Finally got up and made everybody pancakes. Its only 9 in the morning, but Elphine has unloaded the dishwasher, she and Alouiscious have cleaned their rooms, everybody is dressed except for me, and they're all gazing at me expectantly, like I haven't done enough for them. I guess I will go clothe my increasingly hippo like body and take them all to the grocery store. By then I'll need a nap. And after that, if I can bear it, I'm going to move all the school stuff into the sun room and try to make a beautiful school space. Or whatever. Maybe I'll sunbathe on the lawn next to the church. Its that warm out.

And There's More!

Would you like some tea with that?

I REALLY wanted to go. I so wanted to go. It is so disappointing to me that I couldn't, but my friends went, and had a marvelous time.
That's right, I have friends




About 300 turned out, from what I hear, and an excellent time was had by all. I, on the other hand, made various suppers, soothed the stormy masses and laid them gently to bed, listened with rapt and adoring attention to my brilliant husband, scrubbed my kitchen floor by hand, and took my prenatal vitimin so that this next baby will be really strong and smart and able to withstand the crazy politics of his (maybe her) day. In short, I upheld the conservative ideal in my own home. And on that note, I'm now going to go bake some bread and plant a garden (just kidding).

Easter Showing Off

Happy Birthday Alouiscious!

He's Five Years Old Today!

At his own request, I'll be making Crepes tonight and probably we'll buy a fancy cake, and some other stuff. And then later, probably Sunday, we'll have a real proper party with hats and games.

The sermon I'll be preaching in three hours

As you know, we’ve recently been through a big move.
Most of the things from the church continue to be in storage,
as you would know if you were here on Good Friday
as we cast about for something black to wear—
all in storage—
come back next year and we’ll be wearing the right colors on the right days. And most of our household items are in storage,
which has been wonderful on the toy front,
and irritating when we remember that we have a jolly good blender
and the one I can find is not that one.
This has led me to complaining and sorrow.
I keep looking backward.
I’ve especially been thinking about the sunlight in our old house,
how it would flood in through the living room windows,
so bright and warm.
As I wrestle with my errant cat who isn’t using his kitty box as he should, and trying to tie up the curtains in my new living room to get some light, my mind’s eye casts back to the sun in that room,
and I find grief over take me like a wave.
So all week long,
beginning with my own husband saying wisely to me on Monday,
‘you must learn to be satisfied with this house,
you must exert yourself to be satisfied’,
and then on Wednesday as we read about the exile from Jerusalem, everybody having to go,
having to leave everything and go somewhere they didn’t choose to go,
but God provided for them,
and brought them back,
and gave them everything they needed,
to Thursday as we sang together Psalm 78
which hit me fairly like a spiritual brick of conviction.
17 But they went on sinning against him, *
rebelling in the desert against the Most High.
18 They tested God in their hearts, *
demanding food for their craving.
19 They railed against God and said, *
"Can God set a table in the wilderness?
20 True, he struck the rock, the waters gushed out, and the gullies overflowed; *
but is he able to give bread or to provide meat for his people?"
23 So he commanded the clouds above *
and opened the doors of heaven.
24 He rained down manna upon them to eat *
and gave them grain from heaven.
25 So mortals ate the bread of angels; *
he provided for them food enough.
They kept looking back.
They’d left slavery, for heaven’s sake,
and in the most miraculous and amazing way
God led them out in front of their enemies.
They pillaged their enemies.
All the people of Egypt gave them their gold and silver
as they ran away.
Their sandals and clothes didn’t wear out
the whole time they journeyed through the wilderness.
But still, they were in the wilderness,
they weren’t yet in the promised land,
and it was there that they sinned against God,
they were rebellious and ungrateful.
And so most all of them died.
The problem with the Exodus,
and with the whole Old Testament in general,
is that the people that God pushed through the red sea
and through the desert
and into the promised land,
whether they wanted to go there or not,
is that they had heard of the promise of God,
they knew something Good was coming,
but they never saw it.
Their hearts were still,
for the most part,
stone cold.
They saw God’s work with their eyes
but they did not perceive it,
they did not understand it.
They heard it with their ears but not with their hearts.
Those that hoped in the promise to come,
who sought after God with their hearts and minds
were few and far between.
They had real vision,
they saw into the future in hope
and knew that God was going to do something.
I always like to think I’d be that one person
with amazing foresight and faith,
like Hannah, or Esther,
or probably Isaiah’s mother.
But I discovered in the simple process of moving
from one end of Conklin Ave to the other,
that I’m really like the Israelites in the Wilderness—
not Moses and Caleb and Joshua—
all the other ones who don’t get their names mentioned
because they died before they reached the promised land.
Nearsighted vision,
short short memory,
low grade hearing,
dismal faith.
But all the time God was preparing for me,
for all of us deaf, blind, hardhearted, dead hearted complainers.
Turn, if you like, to Ezekiel 36, beginning in verse 24.
I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries
and bring you into your own land.
All you with dusty feet and weary hearts,
wearied by the changes and chances of this life,
by the messiness of life that doesn’t order itself perfectly,
where problems are constantly rearing their irritating heads,
and there is either too much stuff or not enough.
God himself will take you, me,
from where ever we are,
he will gather us all up
and bring us into his own land.
He will sprinkle clean water on us.
We shall finally be clean from ungratefulness,
from looking backward,
from idols,
from clinging to things that don’t matter.
He will cleanse us and we shall be clean.
And he will give us a new heart.
The stone of a heart that we each have,
he will take from us and give us a soft heart,
a heart that can feel and see and hear
and understand who God is,
a heart that can be merciful and gracious,
even as God is gracious and merciful.
And he will cause you, me,
us to obey his rules,
to walk in his way.
He will cause us,
he will give us the great gift of gratitude
and contentment,
and forgiveness.
And in this new place,
this new life,
this clean new heart,
then we will dwell in the land
that God has prepared for us.
We will be his people,
and he will be our God.
I’m talking like this is all going to happen in the future.
Like we are still waiting around with Ezekiel, and Abraham and Moses, knowing what God is going to do,
waiting for him to do it.
Maybe some of you here tonight are still waiting for God to do something—knowing that he can,
but not being able to see and hear with your heart and mind
where he is
and what he is doing.
Its dark here tonight,
as we count away the minutes to the first day of the week.
That moment when the dawn rises
as the dark is giving way to light,
and the women,
stumbling forward in a wilderness of grief and exhaustion
from seeing their Lord die,
thinking that the hope for which they had hoped,
the promise they thought had come,
the messiah who was supposed to do for them
what was promised over and over again for thousands of years,
promised but never seen,
the women come to the tomb,
to the place of the dead.
And find that the waiting is over.
The waiting is over.
God did what he promised he was going to do.
He accomplished the salvation of all who believe and trust in him.
He came to do for us what we could not do ourselves—
to give us a heart that can feel,
eyes that can see,
ears that can hear,
and a place to dwell,
and place where all things come together,
a place where we are gathered together in beauty and peace.
Go ahead, look around.
That place is here.
That place is Jesus himself.
He is the place,
the hope,
the promise,
And as long as we dwell in him,
as long as we keep our eyes fixed on him,
as long as we walk in his way
and are his people
and he is our God,
well,
then
we are very well indeed.
We dwell even now in the land that was promised.
Certainly,
as we go out from here into the dark,
into a town asleep to this Great Thing that has happened,
and stumble into our dark houses,
and back into the mess of life,
we might be confused into thinking that we are still waiting,
that maybe it was all a dream,
or that maybe it happened so long ago it doesn’t matter any more.
But our real heart of flesh puts those ridiculous thoughts to rest.
The Holy Spirit breathing and living in us will not let us remain blind
to the truth that Jesus died,
that he Rose again,
that he is even now alive,
living with us,
dwelling with us,
making us to be his people.

Good Friday

Here's what I've been listening to all day.

Maundy Thursday

The Easter clothes have arrived. Due to the great and extravagant generosity of Mimi, who knows a pretty dress when she sees one, my two little girls are twirling and dancing in their long twirly skirts. 'Eeeechaaaappeee' Elphine is singing as she twirls.

And I'm remarkably nauseated. I went to great lengths to go to the pharmacy yesterday to pick up a prescription for anti nausea pills graciously prescribed by my doctor, only to find that they made me very sick indeed. Fortunately, some other wonderful person is coming to watch the children this morning, so I will be able to sit here Very Quietly, not moving, not jostling, not, hopefully, throwing up, and working on some bulletins. Needless to say, I'm not even remotely considering cooking anything for the potluck tonight.

Most especially, on this beautiful sunny Thursday whereby we remember the new command of our Lord, that we love one another, I commend to your prayers one who has gone to be with that same Lord, last night, and who leaves behind a husband full of grief and sorrow. Her low and beautifully perfect alto voice in the choir I will always miss.

Holy Week

The most important thing I have to do today is run my quarterly report over to the district which I was unable to do on Friday due to the shooting down town. I need to tie something around my finger, I think, because it keeps slipping out of my mind like an errant and forgettable marble.

But then, I have so many things to do I don't know which direction would be most efficacious. So I'm blogging. There are four sermons for the week total, four bulletins, five liturgies to work out in a new space, acolytes to call and encourage, Easter eggs to dye, an enormous pile of laundry to fold, and in the dimly lit recesses of my mind, I thought we might try to do some school. 'It won't be that busy' I said to myself last week. Hmm. Now I'm thinking that the children need some fantastical and wonderful project they can do independently every day while I grind out bulletins and maybe pitch in with a sermon.

Last year I seem to remember making a fabulous Indian Lentil dish last year for Maundy Thursday. This year maybe I'll boil a couple of potatoes and eat them by myself with nothing on them. Did you all know that there's a potluck this Thursday before the service? I didn't think so. So let me be one of the first to tell you that there's a potluck at 5:30 this Thursday before the service and I hope to see ou all there, even those of you who live no where near Binghamton.

Now I think I will vaguely wander off and consider which of all these things to do first.
May God make you more holy this week, and may you all be obedient to his suffering and go to church as often as you are able.

My sermon from yesterday

Monday, April 6, 2009

Download "Jesus' Cross and Cry of Dereliction" in MP3 format

Not at all a Calm Friday

Matt was just on his way into town to turn in our home school quarterly report and was unable to get there as all the schools are in lock down and all of downtown is roped off due to this. If you have a chance to pray, please do.

Just a Calm Thursday Morning......

Crazed is actually a better word, Just a Crazed Thursday Morning. Every time I sit down to read the Bible pure chaos breaks out. Of course, when I sit down to the computer, everything becomes ominously quiet. Its almost as if Somebody doesn't want me to read the Bible! Well! I'm tougher than that. By gum, I'm going to get off the computer and read the Bible even if All Hell Breaks loose.

Hee hee hee

Obama has to raise taxes on everyone because nobody in his administration is paying theirs. Hee hee hee (that's me laughing quietly and contentedly to myself).

Monday Mourning

Matt is trying to work up the moral fiber to go to the store, even at this late hour, and I'm turning my back on a shattered and filthy kitchen, and there are four children shouting with all their might for some reason unknown to me.

I know Stand Firm and MCJ are more than brilliantly dealing with this disaster, but I wanted to add two cents anyway. I recently had the opportunity to plead with someone, over the phone, who was contemplating an abortion. I have no idea if she carried through, probably she did. I had found out only one or two days earlier that I was pregnant and I was physically and emotionally wrecked after pleading and begging with this poor young woman, able to see in my mind's eye exactly the horrendous and painfilled course she had charted out for herself, the whimsy and triteness with which she spoke of her plans. It was days before I was able to let go of it. I've still been praying for her every minute that I think of it.

The fact is, poor Ms. Ragsdale, with her, "when a woman becomes pregnant within a loving, supportive, respectful relationship; has every option open to her, decides she does not wish to bear a child; and has access to safe, affordable abortion-there is not a tragedy in sight-only blessing...abortion is a blessing and our work is not done..." is in such a horribly precarious position. With the power structures momentarily and temporally on her side, as she flings herself farther and farther down a path of hellish destruction, carrying the most vulnerable and spiritually needy with her, she is laying up for herself millstone of unimaginable proportion. Honestly, if anyone needs desperate prayer, it is Ms. Ragsdale.

A Quiet Sunday Evening

Signs of new babies around here always includes the periodic ordering of pizza which Never Normally happens. Turns out that one medium cheese pizza is barely enough to feed four children and me-well, it was exactly enough, so much for leftovers tomorrow.

Now we're watching Apollo 13 and the suspense is killing us. We're arguing about which astronauts these were, since the only ones we know about are Neil Armstrong (Which I inexplicably misspelled on my board for CC this last Wednesday) and Edwin Aldrin (Which is surprisingly hard to say if you're 4 or 5 years old). Matt is the only one who has seen this movie or knows anything about and he's not being helpful about telling us what is going to happen next.

Anyway, the reason I'm really writing is that Aloysius said something astute and wonderful after receiving holy communion today:
"Why do we eat a piece of Jesus every Sunday? Jesus must be awfully big if everyone gets a piece of him."

Oh, and, Grandpa, I took some pictures this morning, so now I just have to locate my chord and I'll post them. I can't seem to locate my cd's which means remembering to buy one when I'm out. Have a happy Sunday evening.

Youngest Babies

I have just been awakened from a deep and disturbing sleep by Matt tripping over a laundry basket placed carefully in the middle of the floor, just for that purpose, and it turns out I was dreaming that I'd just returned from an extended deployment in Iraq and was hugging a lot of unconnected people who identified themselves as my family. But there's No Way that could have been the case. Very weird.

So now, tealess and nauseated, I'm sitting here considering my options.
Gladys came in just now swinging a pot lid wildly and shouting 'Mommmmyyyyyy! Where is Daddddy?' I was not under the impression that she was old enough to speak in whole sentences.
'He's at church' I told her.
'Chhhhuchhh?' She repeated ten times. So that's another word we can add to her list. It heretofore includes 'Don't do that', 'Stop it', 'Stop crying', 'hi', 'bye', 'poppy' (potty), and everyone's name. You can tell that's she's not a first child, I think.

So now I need think about feeding the masses, and then we need to do some school and go the library and who knows what else. It looks to be a sunny day, so I will have to adjust my mood accordingly.

Tu Imagine!

I can't resist. This is So Amazing. Hat Tip MCJ and the person he links.

I'm Back!

As usual, I did not intend to take a week and a half off blogging, but, well, since when do any of my plans really go the way I intend.

The Bishop and his wife were lovely. The weekend they were here, as you can imagine, was packed chock full. Friday night we had them here-fancy crostinis with mascarpone and blue cheese on some, and Micah's amazing hummus on others, with olives and roast red peppers on top to start, followed by salmon poached in a sauce of mayonnaise, wine, dijon, fresh dill and lemon, thinly sliced crisped in the oven potatos, salad, and for dessert, baked strawberries, blueberries, blackberries and peaches with cream or mascarpone on top. On the whole I think the food came out beautifully. The children were practically angelic. I don't know how I can complain about them any more because they were so golden-shaking hands, conversing politely, not throwing food, being helpful...now I'm bragging.

Saturday was a marathon run of touring the grounds, lunch, confirmation and vestry meetings, bible study, choir practice and finally a very fancy dinner out at the Kilmer Steak House here in Bing, which is the one place Matt and I choose to go if we go anywhere. I had the Shepherd's Pie and it was so delicious I found myself speaking French.

Sunday was an extravaganza of confirmation and food afterward. Boy, now that I think about it, we really just ate our way through the weekend.

Not surprisingly I lay on the floor on Monday and Tuesday and then Thursday. The children all either have allergies or a cold. Either way we're kind of stumbling along over piles of laundry and deeply grateful that we don't live on the lavish scale every day.

I've been trying also to tweak our vaguely disfunctional homeschool life. I've settled on Elphine getting into bed with me very early in the morning (she's a raving morning person and I am not) and reading to me while I try to wake up with tea. In this manner she is fresh and I am relaxed and she reads beautifully, rather than struggling with each other in the late afternoon. Then we do morning chores and carry on with the day as normal, only without the threat of reading over our heads. We do a sort of variable circle time with The Word of the Day, and This Day in History (I'll leave it to you to google, Cirlce Time comes from Preschoolers and Peace), and then the bulk of our memory work. Then lunch or something, and then math and other reading. It seems to be sort of going along.

But, if you want to know the Real reason I haven't been blogging its because we are happy to announce the news that another Kennedy Bun is on the way. We're so excited we can hardly stand it. All our family evenings are now given to trying to think of a suitable name, and arguing over whether it is a boy or a girl. So far my chidlren are lined up along the side of 'Jane' and 'Ted'. I have no idea where these preferences come from. As for me, I am totally sick-So Sick-I vowed to myself I would not complain, so I try to smile cheerfully as I lie dismally on the floor and direct traffic. But really, I've been complaining all the time. I'm probably about 7 weeks along but I haven't been to the doctor yet so I don't know.
'When will we have 100 children?' Alouiscious wanted to know yesterday.
'I don't know,' I said, 'why don't we start with 5?'
'Or ten' said Elphine, 'let's have 10'.
'Well, right now we're having five, that's a lot'.
'I guess,' they said.

The bishop is coming! The bishop is coming!

I have to clean and think of something amazing to cook for dinner and instruct my children as to the correct protocol during this exciting time. (That just means that Romulus will not be allowed to run naked, Elphine and Alouiscious will not be allowed to interrupt, and those of us who can't keep from throwing food-Gladys-will have an early dinner and go to bed). Also, I want to cram the bulletin in early so I can enjoy all the festivities. So blogging will be light.

my sermon, again

Monday, March 9, 2009

Download "Sermon: Coming into the Light" in MP3 format

See the full text here

You'll see that the ending is actually pulled together. It came to me what I'd been trying to say, as I said it. Enjoy.

My sermon fro this morning-1 John 1:5-10

As usual, this has a rather abrupt ending. I am planning on praying since otherwise I could just go on and on without ever ending it. Enjoy!

If you will turn in your Bibles to First John,
chapter 1.
Micah tried to strong arm me
into only taking verses 5, 6 and 7 today,
‘You preach on the light bit’
He said to me last week,
‘I’ll talk about sin’.
Trouble is, as we shall discover today,
you can’t talk about ‘the light bit’
without talking about sin.
Don’t worry,
there is so much to say about sin,
especially as it is lent,
I’m sure there will be something left over.

Verse 5,
‘This is the message we have heard from him,’
Who?
Right, Jesus,
the message we heard from Jesus.
‘that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.’

Most all of you know that the day we moved
from the old rectory
to this nice new one,
our cat spooked and went missing.


For the next five weeks or so,
the specter of this missing cat
hovered over us in all his soft
black
dysfunctional absence.
First we went looking for him every day.
Then, the night before we turned the keys over,
I slept at the old house.
Then, I called all the shelters in the area
Also, we prayed at least three times a day for his safe recovery.
All the time it was extremely cold.
Figuring he was out in the snow,
We hoped against hope that he was surviving.
Then, as most of you know,
three Saturdays ago,
just as we were starting to think that we should get supper going,
and pick clothes for church,
and start baths,
and do the bulletin,
we got a call from Fr. Martinichio
that he was in the house
and that the cat was there.
Did we want to come get him?
Yes, yes we did.
We All got in the car,
three of us without shoes
and one without a coat,
and drove there as safely and as quickly as possible.
We went in the house—
empty and dim in the fading evening light—
down into the basement,
how many times did I want to rip that basement apart and redo it?
So many times—

and then began about an hour and a half
of trying to extract the cat from behind the basement wall,
from a little hole under the stairs
where he was hiding.
He was as far back as he could be.
We ripped a couple of boards down,
and when I say we,
I mean Matt and Fr. Martinichio,
and then a couple of other ones farther down.
And then I climbed up
and stuck my arm in as far as I could,
and managed to pet him a bit
so that he came towards me,
and then I grabbed him
and drug him out of the small hole.
Several times, throughout the ordeal,
we would shine a flashlight in through the hole
and see him staring at us,
moving himself back as far as he could to get away from us.

In the days and weeks that I’ve read this line from John,
‘God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all’
I have seen my own self,
in the dark,
backing away from the light as best I can,
trying to avoid the piercing,
truth revealing,
life changing
spotlight like gaze of a holy and perfect God,
in whom no darkness can reside.


This is the human condition,
Apart from and before the solution of Jesus
and this is what John taking on full throttle in this text.
As human beings we are in darkness
and most of us either don’t know it,
don’t care,
or like it.
And because God is holy, perfect, good,
darkness cannot exist were he is.
But if God is light,
and no darkness can have any part of him
or be anywhere near him,
where then are all of us?
Not with him,
because we are bound up in darkness.
Our hearts are dark and covered in sin.
We live underneath the stairs,
backing away from light,
life,
water,
food,
love.
We may not think that’s the case.
We may,
under the stairs,
think,
boy its cozy down here.
Boy,
I’m so glad I’m safe here in my hole
instead of in the big bad world out there.
And we back further into the corner.
If someone comes and shines a light in our eyes,
we insist that in fact we are not in the dark
and that they had better go ahead and leave us alone.
What have I just described?
An unregenerate,
pre real encounter with God,
unrepentant person.
Most of us don’t fall into this category
but we can remember what it was like.
More so because
even after you come into the light,
you come out from under the stairs,
the business of having light shone on our hearts goes on,
and its not always a comfortable experience.
But I’m jumping ahead of myself.
How do we even know if we are in the light?

Verse 6:
If we say we have fellowship with him
while we walk in the darkness,
we lie and do not practice the truth.
But if we walk in the light,
as he is in the light,
we have fellowship with one another,
and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
8 If we say we have no sin,
we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

There are three things we might say in order to deceive ourselves
about whether or not we are in the light.

First, we might say that we have fellowship with God.
John is writing specifically to people
who claimed to have fellowship with God,
but did not have true fellowship with each other.
Not only so, some,
even as they claimed to have fellowship with God,
did not accept the apostolic teaching—
that Jesus, the Son of God, died,
was buried
and rose again in his body,
that Jesus was the full, perfect and sufficient sacrifice for sin,
They instead sought to undermine the teaching of the apostles
and to draw people away from the truth.
So their claim of ‘fellowship with God’
was in reality life in darkness.
Just saying it doesn’t make it so.
Just seeing the light doesn’t mean you’re walking in it.
Just saying that you walk in the light,
does not in fact bring you into the light.
Saying that we have fellowship with God,
while rejecting what he says about himself,
and rejecting true fellowship in the community of believers
is speaking a lie.
No, those who walk in the light
should evidence certain characteristics.
They love the truth.
They accept the apostolic teaching.
They love each other.
The apostolic teaching
and the fellowship of believers
hold you accountable.
The apostolic teaching,
that is the Bible,
acts as a brilliantly lit mirror.
We can’t avoid the lines and wrinkles
and troubling marks of sin.
The fellowship of believers likewise
doesn’t allow us to pretend that we live a certain way,
everyone can see what way we live.
Lest we try and lie to ourselves
and creep back into the darkness,
these two things shed light on us.

Second, we might say that we have no sin.
We might once have sinned,
but now we’re saved and we have no sin.
This is a big problem, isn’t it?
Why?
Because its not true.
If we say that we have no sin,
we’re pulling ourselves away from the gaze,
the cleansing fire,
the purifying spotlight of God’s loving sanctifying work.
Its counterintuitive.
If you say that you have not sinned,
the lie magnifies the state in which you actually live,
But,
if you acknowledge that you sin,
and step into the light,
and tell the truth,
the act of stepping into the light
cleanses you of your sin.
So instead of standing in a spotlight
and having everyone see how awful you are,
you stand in the spotlight
and have everyone see that you’re forgiven.
It happens as you come into the light.
That’s what this means:
But if we walk in the light,
as he is in the light,
we have fellowship with one another,
and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.
You step into the light,
you walk in the light,
you tell the truth,
and you are cleansed,
purified, forgiven by the blood of Jesus.

And Three, go down to verse 10, we might say that we have not sinned.
Why is this not true?
Right,
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
There isn’t one single solitary person on this earth,
Jesus being the One Exception,
who has not sinned.
All of us not only sin on a daily basis,
we have sinned in the past,
and we will sin again tomorrow.
If we say we have not sinned,
we are calling God a liar.
Is he a liar?
No.
So we must not say that we have not sinned.
But what happens if we tell the truth?
He is faithful and just,
he’s not playing mind games,
he’s not arbitrarily mean.
He is faithful,
and just.
If you confess—
that is, say that you’re sorry
and make every effort to walk in the opposite direction—
he will forgive and cleanse you.

Now, as I said,
most of us know this.
We are children of the light,
we’ve asked Jesus to forgive us.
We feel basically all set.
Why would we need to read this passage again?
Let alone memorize it, as I had to as a child.
I always thought someone must think I was a terrible liar,
that this passage was assigned to me all the time to memorize.

Look at the word ‘walk’ in your text.
‘Walk in the light’.
God is going to always be calling you out of the darkness.
Sin is tangled up in our hearts.
As Jesus slowly untangles the mess of each of us,
and puts our hearts and minds in order,
more and more light needs to be shown.
And each light switch that goes on
in a new messy dysfunctional room in our hearts
is going to hurt.
And we’re going to want to rush over
and flip it off
and ask Jesus to go do something else for the day.
But that would ask him to be a liar,
putting a lie to the saving work he has done on our behalf.
Don’t back away from his gaze.
Don’t flinch in the face of his holy fire.
It is a purifying gaze,
a righteous fire.

As you step into it,
the dross, muck and ugliness of sin is burned away.
Lent, this season of stepping intentionally into the fire of God’s love
is such a gracious gift.
As with all suffering,
It is to be endured with joy and thanksgiving.
Walk in the light.
God, who is faithful and just
will shield you in his glory.
He will give you his own holiness,
his own righteousness,
his own perfect beauty. Amen.

My speed obsessed son

A: Why are you speeding, Mommy?
Me: I'm not speeding. I'm going the speed limit.
A: It feels like your speeding.
Me: Well I'm not.
a few minutes later
A: Can you please go faster?
Me: No, I'm sorry, I can't go faster than the car in front of me.
A: Why not?
Me: Because then I would hit him and that would be bad.
a few minutes later
A: I'm really tired of you driving so slow.
Me: Please don't complain. I'm going as fast as I'm allowed.
A: Well, I really wish you would go faster.

A Lenten Confession

I'm going to try and go to Catechesis training on Saturday. I'm planning to just go for the morning. Contigent on this crazy idea is that tomorrow I write a sermon, do the bulletin, catch up on the laundry, write a stack of letters, and reclaim order of some kind in some domain...Matt says he will supervise the children doing school.

It occurred to me, as I was writing out my list of things I expected to do, that whereas other people over indulge in food, alcohol, exercise, greed-I don't know, name a vice-I over indulge in 'things I plan to do in a day'. I'm so afraid of doing too little, that I always plan to do far far too much. And like any vice, I enjoy it, and most of the time, I spiritualizingly justify it to myself in order to make myself feel more holy than you.

Matt is an excellent prioritizing focus point. 'Breathe,' he says, 'list of what you have to do'.
I start listing and after each thing he says 'up' or 'down' meaning they go up or down in importance on the list. I was irritated, this morning, to hear him put 'take a shower' way down on the list. But he was completely right. By cutting that out, and all the housework, we did a full day of school, I made a bevy of calls, I made fantastic meals (Breakfast: soft boiled eggs and toast. Lunch: Ramen and grilled cheese. Supper: Buckwheat Banana Pancakes) and now I'm blogging.

I'm not making a true confession. I don't feel repentant enough about my way of life to desire to change it, yet, but at least I've noticed. So those of you who were waiting for a quiet moment to mention this huge character flaw to me can rest in peace that I already know.

Praying, as it were

A very long time ago someone asked what we do for morning prayer. Obviously, I never got around to saying, but I recently came across these old pictures I took when I meant to blog about it so long ago. I made up pretty little laminated cards with an abbreviated morning prayer-opening sentence, confession, short versicle, apostle's creed, Lord's Prayer, dismissal. In place of readings and canticles, we've been reading haphazardly around the Bible, memorizing ABC verses (A: All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God; B: Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ...;E: Even a child is known by his acts by whether his conduct is pure and upright; etc.), singing Per Crucem in preparation for Lent (from my battered Taize song book), and adding our own petitions at the right moment. Plus, we worked really hard to memorize the service, verses and song and were thereby able to lead our CC group in Morning Prayer as our family prsentation. Well, I really led our CC group in MP because my two frustrating children stood mutely behind me with their hands in thier mouths, paralized to speak or smile or do anything. But they did know it, at least in the car on the way there. We're currently taking a break from it and doing a lovely and simple Lenten Family Devotional (thank you Sarah!). Come Easter I'll remake the cards with some new versicles and sentences for a new season and we'll start again.

A Quiet Monday Morning Thought

I have been vaguely paying attention to the recent "election" of a Buddhist/Episcopalian person to the office of Bishop in Michigan. I certainly haven't been reading everything, so someone may have noticed this, but after trying, unsuccessfully, to listen to a whole sermon by this poor man, I'm left thinking that the Buddhist part is really there essentially to make him more interesting. Were he just a regular Episcopalian, his theology wouldn't be near fascinating enough to make him bishop. The Buddhist part is necessary for him even being noticed. Its not enough to just be heretical any more, you have to belong to a whole other religion. I say this as someone who was trying to listen to the sermon in hopes that he would say something Buddhist. Unfortunately, even that tantalizing morsel was not enough to keep me listening after 10 minutes. I had babies to change, supper to start, and the first four elements of the periodic table to review.

When and how did it happen that the essentials of Christian Truth and Teaching became boring? Because that's why so many are flitting after other gods, isn't it? Because the Bible couldn't possibly be interesting enough on its own. God isn't big enough or fascinating enough to pursue on his own terms. But if that's the road you take, eventually everybody else will be bored and leave because its Not True.