The year of 2003 was nearly as bad as 2002. 2002 was about loss, and 2003 was about a slow recovery I started. A couple weeks after 2003 started, I moved away from Maribeth (good) and the kids (bad), moved out of the condo and into an apartment in neighboring Midlothian (a town north and west Oak Forest and adjacent to OF). I remember as clearly as yesterday that after moving into the apartment (about a couple of weeks) my 2nd son Ted said, "Daddy, you have a 2nd son said, "Daddy you have a beautiful apartment." He was only 4 years, but he sensed how that made me a lot happier. So, he said it occasionally with nearly perfect timing!
My paralegal job went from good in November to excruciating by late winter/early spring of 2003. I had the misfortune of having a demeaning bitch of a boss with the same exact first name (including the same exact spelling!) as my ex-wife. I was wrong and she was wrong. Things went well at first and she was gracious enough to complement me and even give me $20 as a bonus for XMAS. Yet, I seemed flawed from the start. 1st, she told me at the interview that I would only do "a little" secretarial work. Yet, the secretarial work as important as being a paralegal, and there was just as much of it as there was paralegal tasks. She had no other secretary! I was shoehorned into paralegal/secretary rather than paralegal. The differences were stark. Secretaries (now this is a generalization not the way it ALWAYS is) have to have work done the same day, sometimes within 10 minutes. Paralegal will have tasks that are days and weeks long.
I was very tense and thought "everything depended on being a perfect paralegal/secretary!" When I made mistakes, I brooded on them. There were times I would make mistakes from feeling bad about the last mistake made.
Maribeth O (my damn boss, not to be confused with my ex-wife. This damn lawyer will hereafter be call "M.O.") preyed on my mistakes and yelled and had fits. The vicious circle ensued: I made a mistake –>one of us would catch it–>she would find out usually, anyway–>She would "raise hell" –>I would feel bad and became upset going into the next project and make more mistakes.
I was able to work in this excruciating fashion for 2 months. Before I was fired 4/13, I hoped at night that I wouldn’t wake up. I blamed everything on myself and had the view, "No matter how hard I try, it’s not enough". Then I was called in the office by the office manager. She said early into this meeting, "It’s just NOT working out." TRUE! M.O. was sitting right beside me. She attempted to act compassionate during the meeting, but it was well known throughout the office what a bitch she was, even among other women there! Before I was hired she had gone through several subordinates in a matter of a year or so. She was angry when I was on the best of terms with her. I remember as clearly as "earlier today" when there were times I was in her office and she didn’t seem angry. Then the phone would page her, and she would emit this angry ½ shout/ ½ grunt.
When I left, I reduced my phone bill; I found a grocery store that offered cut rate prices. I didn’t get cable when I moved out and continued that way. I got rid of my cell phone. I greatly reduced the amount I drove. About the only driving I did was when my ex-wife (the better Maribeth, "MB") was working I was given a decent severance package which I shared with my kids and MB. I decided to not be a paralegal anymore, but a medical coder who would own my own business and work for clinics and do Internet billing and submit HCFA forms to insurance companies. I was doing a better job of making ends meet.
Then, I flew into a rage, an absolute hate-filled rage! While working at the firm, I was blaming myself for 95% of the problems I was having. I hated M.O. when it finally dawned on me a crucial realization. I was ending my paralegal career after 12 years to go into business for myself. In those 12 yrs. I worked for many lawyers: old lawyers, lawyers younger than myself, women lawyers, men lawyers, nice lawyers, patient lawyers, lying lawyers and lawyers blunt and honest. Before M.O., I never met such a petty, mean, evil bitch lawyer as bad as Maribeth O. A week or so after, I came up with memories of many of the times she demeaned me, yelled at me in front of clients, even. I hated her; I literally hated her for a year. But that really hurt only myself. I talked to a priest about it 1 1/2 yrs. later in confession.
I did 2 things with my rage. One is used the anger as motivation to pass my medical billing class with honors. The 2nd was to write a story that ended up taking me a year to write called, "Change from a Coral Snake". It was a bad boss meeting a bad end. Yet, I prayed enough and had enough insight to know that the protagonist/star of the story was wrong. He was wrong to take matters into "his own hands" and create a harsh consequence against his boss. (Sorry for not publishing herein, because I still have the copyright. But if you want the story, contact me and we’ll make arrangements.)
I got a job at a hospital. Ironically, the assistance I had gotten from the government was more than what I was making at the hospital. But to be fair, I was working part time. The rest of the time was getting Medicare and Medicaid certified, then writing mailing, delivering, promotional letters and flyers for the new business.
By the summer, the "better MB" and I agreed to all the terms on the divorce. We were wisely told by Cook County Court that we had to take child parenting class (which is for those who are divorced & with kids). I was told to go to one class just like Maribeth. The bottom line was if you fight like "cats and dogs", and your kids are witness to that, it will hurt them. Good class, I would go so far as to say that it influenced my parenting thereafter. Can’t lie and say I never got into another fight with MB again, but I think I got into a lot less of them. I will truthfully assert that Maribeth is a better person now than she was in 2002. I think I've changed too.
Although Maribeth and I agreed to all the divorce terms, her lawyer decided not to "lift a finger" regarding the process of the divorce. No court meetings, no filing the final petition/agreement, no nothing. Why? Because Maribeth was behind paying her legal fees. Is that right? Is that wrong? I don't know, but that seems like "business".
I turned 40 in June, 2003. The hope and the prayer was that life really "began at 40", because things were as nightmarish at the age of 39. Between September to December of 2003, I was extremely unhappy. I wrote "Change from a Coral Snake" . I wrote an unfinished (to this day) story about 2 fathers of consecutive generations committing suicide. It became apparent that there were few opportunities in the SW Cook County area (or even Naperville and Joliet) for medical coders running their own business. So, I was at the hospital, and although I worked extra hours as many as 40 hours, I wasn’t making ends meet despite all the costs I cut. The saving grace was that the car was working well, & I didn’t have to spend too much money on car repairs.
I was on the condo board as the secretary of the Board (since I had joint tenancy ownership in the condo, I was still eligible for being on the board inspite not living at the actual condo). The board was doing well we were making the condo a safer, more secure, more marketable place, and we were led by an excellent president. He told me one day, "You were a good paralegal. Why not try again?". At the time, the only vacancies for medical coding was to work at a hospital or company. I wanted to start a career, but as an owner, not an employee in the medical coding. So in late November, I applied at several firms. In mid December, I was hired by Craig M.
Things were going well there. Plus, Maribeth paid a little more of her legal fees so her lawyer did a little more work. Prior to January, 2004, I was paying Maribeth regularly and voluntarily because her lawyer didn’t set up child support yet. Then the child support kicked in and from then until June 2007, and there was never a child support payment missed. (After June,2007, I left my job at the hospital, and increased my bi-weekly support to her on our joint accord. outside of court).
Things at the law firm were going well. Like the hospital, I was making new friends at the law firm in my new life. Money was better as I was working 2 jobs. Something interesting happened. Here are the events:
1. 6 months after working there, I received a raise.
2. Through the 1st 9 months, I was on very good terms with my boss.
3. Yet, ominously, he screamed and yelled at others. The turnover there was high, most especially with his personal secretary.
4. Then since I had more experience, he doubled my workload in the last part of summer and with less time to do tasks and I began making more mistakes.
5. Then he started treating me the same way he treated his secretaries. But I had experience with that already, since I worked for that bitch, M.O.
6. I was named not only paralegal but also secretary. Then he had good days & bad days. (Hereafter, this boss will be name CM) On the days he "snuck" his bottle of Johnny Walker under his desk, he was bad. Other days he was good. Of course, the vicious circle ensued again when I made mistakes with him as he yelled every bit as much as M.O.
Can you believe it?? I wound up with a boss even worse than M..O!!!! He would get drunk some afternoons, he lied even more than M.O., he was even more manipulative than M.O., he screamed at his wife and called her a word rhyming with "bunt", he screamed at corporation assistants when things went bad at day trading.
My paralegal job went from good in November to excruciating by late winter/early spring of 2003. I had the misfortune of having a demeaning bitch of a boss with the same exact first name (including the same exact spelling!) as my ex-wife. I was wrong and she was wrong. Things went well at first and she was gracious enough to complement me and even give me $20 as a bonus for XMAS. Yet, I seemed flawed from the start. 1st, she told me at the interview that I would only do "a little" secretarial work. Yet, the secretarial work as important as being a paralegal, and there was just as much of it as there was paralegal tasks. She had no other secretary! I was shoehorned into paralegal/secretary rather than paralegal. The differences were stark. Secretaries (now this is a generalization not the way it ALWAYS is) have to have work done the same day, sometimes within 10 minutes. Paralegal will have tasks that are days and weeks long.
I was very tense and thought "everything depended on being a perfect paralegal/secretary!" When I made mistakes, I brooded on them. There were times I would make mistakes from feeling bad about the last mistake made.
Maribeth O (my damn boss, not to be confused with my ex-wife. This damn lawyer will hereafter be call "M.O.") preyed on my mistakes and yelled and had fits. The vicious circle ensued: I made a mistake –>one of us would catch it–>she would find out usually, anyway–>She would "raise hell" –>I would feel bad and became upset going into the next project and make more mistakes.
I was able to work in this excruciating fashion for 2 months. Before I was fired 4/13, I hoped at night that I wouldn’t wake up. I blamed everything on myself and had the view, "No matter how hard I try, it’s not enough". Then I was called in the office by the office manager. She said early into this meeting, "It’s just NOT working out." TRUE! M.O. was sitting right beside me. She attempted to act compassionate during the meeting, but it was well known throughout the office what a bitch she was, even among other women there! Before I was hired she had gone through several subordinates in a matter of a year or so. She was angry when I was on the best of terms with her. I remember as clearly as "earlier today" when there were times I was in her office and she didn’t seem angry. Then the phone would page her, and she would emit this angry ½ shout/ ½ grunt.
When I left, I reduced my phone bill; I found a grocery store that offered cut rate prices. I didn’t get cable when I moved out and continued that way. I got rid of my cell phone. I greatly reduced the amount I drove. About the only driving I did was when my ex-wife (the better Maribeth, "MB") was working I was given a decent severance package which I shared with my kids and MB. I decided to not be a paralegal anymore, but a medical coder who would own my own business and work for clinics and do Internet billing and submit HCFA forms to insurance companies. I was doing a better job of making ends meet.
Then, I flew into a rage, an absolute hate-filled rage! While working at the firm, I was blaming myself for 95% of the problems I was having. I hated M.O. when it finally dawned on me a crucial realization. I was ending my paralegal career after 12 years to go into business for myself. In those 12 yrs. I worked for many lawyers: old lawyers, lawyers younger than myself, women lawyers, men lawyers, nice lawyers, patient lawyers, lying lawyers and lawyers blunt and honest. Before M.O., I never met such a petty, mean, evil bitch lawyer as bad as Maribeth O. A week or so after, I came up with memories of many of the times she demeaned me, yelled at me in front of clients, even. I hated her; I literally hated her for a year. But that really hurt only myself. I talked to a priest about it 1 1/2 yrs. later in confession.
I did 2 things with my rage. One is used the anger as motivation to pass my medical billing class with honors. The 2nd was to write a story that ended up taking me a year to write called, "Change from a Coral Snake". It was a bad boss meeting a bad end. Yet, I prayed enough and had enough insight to know that the protagonist/star of the story was wrong. He was wrong to take matters into "his own hands" and create a harsh consequence against his boss. (Sorry for not publishing herein, because I still have the copyright. But if you want the story, contact me and we’ll make arrangements.)
I got a job at a hospital. Ironically, the assistance I had gotten from the government was more than what I was making at the hospital. But to be fair, I was working part time. The rest of the time was getting Medicare and Medicaid certified, then writing mailing, delivering, promotional letters and flyers for the new business.
By the summer, the "better MB" and I agreed to all the terms on the divorce. We were wisely told by Cook County Court that we had to take child parenting class (which is for those who are divorced & with kids). I was told to go to one class just like Maribeth. The bottom line was if you fight like "cats and dogs", and your kids are witness to that, it will hurt them. Good class, I would go so far as to say that it influenced my parenting thereafter. Can’t lie and say I never got into another fight with MB again, but I think I got into a lot less of them. I will truthfully assert that Maribeth is a better person now than she was in 2002. I think I've changed too.
Although Maribeth and I agreed to all the divorce terms, her lawyer decided not to "lift a finger" regarding the process of the divorce. No court meetings, no filing the final petition/agreement, no nothing. Why? Because Maribeth was behind paying her legal fees. Is that right? Is that wrong? I don't know, but that seems like "business".
I turned 40 in June, 2003. The hope and the prayer was that life really "began at 40", because things were as nightmarish at the age of 39. Between September to December of 2003, I was extremely unhappy. I wrote "Change from a Coral Snake" . I wrote an unfinished (to this day) story about 2 fathers of consecutive generations committing suicide. It became apparent that there were few opportunities in the SW Cook County area (or even Naperville and Joliet) for medical coders running their own business. So, I was at the hospital, and although I worked extra hours as many as 40 hours, I wasn’t making ends meet despite all the costs I cut. The saving grace was that the car was working well, & I didn’t have to spend too much money on car repairs.
I was on the condo board as the secretary of the Board (since I had joint tenancy ownership in the condo, I was still eligible for being on the board inspite not living at the actual condo). The board was doing well we were making the condo a safer, more secure, more marketable place, and we were led by an excellent president. He told me one day, "You were a good paralegal. Why not try again?". At the time, the only vacancies for medical coding was to work at a hospital or company. I wanted to start a career, but as an owner, not an employee in the medical coding. So in late November, I applied at several firms. In mid December, I was hired by Craig M.
Things were going well there. Plus, Maribeth paid a little more of her legal fees so her lawyer did a little more work. Prior to January, 2004, I was paying Maribeth regularly and voluntarily because her lawyer didn’t set up child support yet. Then the child support kicked in and from then until June 2007, and there was never a child support payment missed. (After June,2007, I left my job at the hospital, and increased my bi-weekly support to her on our joint accord. outside of court).
Things at the law firm were going well. Like the hospital, I was making new friends at the law firm in my new life. Money was better as I was working 2 jobs. Something interesting happened. Here are the events:
1. 6 months after working there, I received a raise.
2. Through the 1st 9 months, I was on very good terms with my boss.
3. Yet, ominously, he screamed and yelled at others. The turnover there was high, most especially with his personal secretary.
4. Then since I had more experience, he doubled my workload in the last part of summer and with less time to do tasks and I began making more mistakes.
5. Then he started treating me the same way he treated his secretaries. But I had experience with that already, since I worked for that bitch, M.O.
6. I was named not only paralegal but also secretary. Then he had good days & bad days. (Hereafter, this boss will be name CM) On the days he "snuck" his bottle of Johnny Walker under his desk, he was bad. Other days he was good. Of course, the vicious circle ensued again when I made mistakes with him as he yelled every bit as much as M.O.
Can you believe it?? I wound up with a boss even worse than M..O!!!! He would get drunk some afternoons, he lied even more than M.O., he was even more manipulative than M.O., he screamed at his wife and called her a word rhyming with "bunt", he screamed at corporation assistants when things went bad at day trading.
Oh, yes, that was another thing, while he was a successful lawyer, he openly spent his time day-trading where he wasn’t as successful. After he screamed at a corp. assistant over the phone, guess who he yelled at next? So, why didn’t I find another job? I started looking at the start of 2005 after being at the firm over a year. I had to sneak out of the office during lunch for interviews, or before the start of the day and it was awkward as hell.
One day he was so drunk after drinking 2/3 of a bottle of liquor than he came up to a couple who were African-American and were prospective clients. Marty told me later that he told them he thought that adjustors at Allstate were "schwartzes" and explained that Allstate adjustors were stingy at settling cases. The next day he looked and acted almost as bad. His hair appeared disheveled. It seemed like he was living by the joken saying, "Avoid hangovers, stay drunk!" This law firm was one mile from the train station that I took to work in the morning. That mile walk felt like a walk to the dental office where I was going to get a large filling put in my tooth, where the dentist was going to drill and drill and I wasn't going to get any anesthetic at all!
Then, my co-worker at the hospital, (a week before he was going to get married!), was shot and killed July, 2005 (see my blog on this matter, same month/year) . I started working more hours at the hospital. I knew I would get a full time job there, if I only asked. Not a good way to have it as I wish my co-worker could have lived the rest of his life rather than dying at 29.
I then delivered an ultimatum to my abusive boss, a boss more abusive than M.O.! I wrote a written ultimatum of some of his more egregarious abuses, I told him pay me more next time I was paid, and treat me better, or I would leave. I gave him 48 hrs. to make a decision with his partner. His partner was a better boss, but was a major enabler to the heavy drinker boss. But later, I admired that other boss, because at long last, in 2006, he dropped him as a partner.
The boss sat down with me and told me a bunch of lies. My flaw is that I can be nieve and often believe the best in people, and I believed him. I was getting a 2 yr. contract with an immediate pay raise and one in August, 2006. My motive for believing in him was that I wanted to work 2 years there and see if I could turn a bad working relationship into something good. Hadn’t it ever been done before by boss and employee?? So I worked another pay period there. During the first week, he treated me very well, the 2nd week worse and worse. (He probably had it all planned that way!) But then he told me on payday that I wasn’t getting my raise. CM was too big of a weasel to assume responsibility so he blamed his other partner for the decision. We know damn well that if he disagreed with his other boss it's very likely he would overrule him. So, that was my last day. I was told by my good boss at the hospital that I was full time. I had already been working at the hospital for 2 years.
I was exhilarated to leave that asshole. I received at least 7 congratulations from other people who found out that I left. Now remember, I was at a very small 3-5 lawyer firm. So the fact that the news was only told to a few people and 7 people stopped their important routine to tell me how happy they were that I finally got away from CM, that’s pretty good. My first post on this blog is also about the job as some of the 2005 posts are.
Yet, I was dogged by the same problem at the hospital in 2005 that I had earlier (August to November of 2003): I wasn’t making ends meet. The hospital job wasn’t meeting all my meager expenses. I was getting so desperate that I was walking to work inspite the hospital being in the ghetto of Harvey. Although I was now working full time and the 2nd pay period in, I worked over 10 hrs. of overtime. Still didn’t pay the expenses I had.
When I was toiling in "squalor" at CM’s law firm, I was commiserating with another attorney. She is an excellent attorney by the name of Amy Wright. She said, "Why don’t you work at my old firm, GFB&R". I didn’t at the time, because of their small rate. Then, I decided in October, 2005 to go in for an interview. The boss there and I mutually decided that I would work part time.
After that, things went well financially. I started paying down credit card debt. I spent money wisely for Christmas. I bought a very good Hepa-filtered bagless vacuum cleaner. Then I joined a Christian dating service.
By this time (December 2005/January 2006), my trials and tribulations were shown in the previous posts. Starting in March, 2006, I had the greatest spring of my life because I fell in love with Patti. She is a relationship, a good friend that I will never ever regret meeting even though we are no longer lovers. I am glad that currently she is with a "good guy" now. All these culminated in November 2006. Maribeth & I decided that when my apartment lease ended in January, 2007, I would leave the apartment and return to Oak Forest, return to the condo, return home.
I am not living happily ever after, and you knew that before I wrote it. There’s some bad days. But my situation is much better than October, 2006. I’m not really all that happy, but am resolved not to make some of the mistakes I made before. I hope that I’ve learned a lot in my 44 years. One sign of learning is that I've lasted longer at the law firm GFB&R longer than any law firm I've been at in Chicago. Another sign is they gave me a good raise. Yet another sign, and maybe the most important is that Maribeth, our 3 kids and I have gone over a year living together.
What will happen? You’ll see in this blog.
Hope you all had a very nice Thanksgiving, dear readers!
One day he was so drunk after drinking 2/3 of a bottle of liquor than he came up to a couple who were African-American and were prospective clients. Marty told me later that he told them he thought that adjustors at Allstate were "schwartzes" and explained that Allstate adjustors were stingy at settling cases. The next day he looked and acted almost as bad. His hair appeared disheveled. It seemed like he was living by the joken saying, "Avoid hangovers, stay drunk!" This law firm was one mile from the train station that I took to work in the morning. That mile walk felt like a walk to the dental office where I was going to get a large filling put in my tooth, where the dentist was going to drill and drill and I wasn't going to get any anesthetic at all!
Then, my co-worker at the hospital, (a week before he was going to get married!), was shot and killed July, 2005 (see my blog on this matter, same month/year) . I started working more hours at the hospital. I knew I would get a full time job there, if I only asked. Not a good way to have it as I wish my co-worker could have lived the rest of his life rather than dying at 29.
I then delivered an ultimatum to my abusive boss, a boss more abusive than M.O.! I wrote a written ultimatum of some of his more egregarious abuses, I told him pay me more next time I was paid, and treat me better, or I would leave. I gave him 48 hrs. to make a decision with his partner. His partner was a better boss, but was a major enabler to the heavy drinker boss. But later, I admired that other boss, because at long last, in 2006, he dropped him as a partner.
The boss sat down with me and told me a bunch of lies. My flaw is that I can be nieve and often believe the best in people, and I believed him. I was getting a 2 yr. contract with an immediate pay raise and one in August, 2006. My motive for believing in him was that I wanted to work 2 years there and see if I could turn a bad working relationship into something good. Hadn’t it ever been done before by boss and employee?? So I worked another pay period there. During the first week, he treated me very well, the 2nd week worse and worse. (He probably had it all planned that way!) But then he told me on payday that I wasn’t getting my raise. CM was too big of a weasel to assume responsibility so he blamed his other partner for the decision. We know damn well that if he disagreed with his other boss it's very likely he would overrule him. So, that was my last day. I was told by my good boss at the hospital that I was full time. I had already been working at the hospital for 2 years.
I was exhilarated to leave that asshole. I received at least 7 congratulations from other people who found out that I left. Now remember, I was at a very small 3-5 lawyer firm. So the fact that the news was only told to a few people and 7 people stopped their important routine to tell me how happy they were that I finally got away from CM, that’s pretty good. My first post on this blog is also about the job as some of the 2005 posts are.
Yet, I was dogged by the same problem at the hospital in 2005 that I had earlier (August to November of 2003): I wasn’t making ends meet. The hospital job wasn’t meeting all my meager expenses. I was getting so desperate that I was walking to work inspite the hospital being in the ghetto of Harvey. Although I was now working full time and the 2nd pay period in, I worked over 10 hrs. of overtime. Still didn’t pay the expenses I had.
When I was toiling in "squalor" at CM’s law firm, I was commiserating with another attorney. She is an excellent attorney by the name of Amy Wright. She said, "Why don’t you work at my old firm, GFB&R". I didn’t at the time, because of their small rate. Then, I decided in October, 2005 to go in for an interview. The boss there and I mutually decided that I would work part time.
After that, things went well financially. I started paying down credit card debt. I spent money wisely for Christmas. I bought a very good Hepa-filtered bagless vacuum cleaner. Then I joined a Christian dating service.
By this time (December 2005/January 2006), my trials and tribulations were shown in the previous posts. Starting in March, 2006, I had the greatest spring of my life because I fell in love with Patti. She is a relationship, a good friend that I will never ever regret meeting even though we are no longer lovers. I am glad that currently she is with a "good guy" now. All these culminated in November 2006. Maribeth & I decided that when my apartment lease ended in January, 2007, I would leave the apartment and return to Oak Forest, return to the condo, return home.
I am not living happily ever after, and you knew that before I wrote it. There’s some bad days. But my situation is much better than October, 2006. I’m not really all that happy, but am resolved not to make some of the mistakes I made before. I hope that I’ve learned a lot in my 44 years. One sign of learning is that I've lasted longer at the law firm GFB&R longer than any law firm I've been at in Chicago. Another sign is they gave me a good raise. Yet another sign, and maybe the most important is that Maribeth, our 3 kids and I have gone over a year living together.
What will happen? You’ll see in this blog.
Hope you all had a very nice Thanksgiving, dear readers!
