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Wednesday, February 21st, 2001
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12:52 pm - Ahhhhhh.................
I just got back from classes, and as far as I am concerned my dat is over. I took my history exam, and I think I did well. Todd took a load off me being worried by telling me that we would finish the test in 20min and then go have lunch. Well I finished in 25 and we had lunch, it was nice. i just hope that I did not rush myself to much, and that I didn't read some of the questions wrong. Oh well, nothing I can do now.
Tonight my dad is coming to get me and we are going to a hockey game, YEAH! I had such a good time on Monday. The place that we ate at was a restored old farm house, it was beautiful, and the food was amazing!
I was reading Dale's LJ, I hope that everything works out, even though I don't know him, I still want him to realize that people still care about him.
Well, I think I need a nap, later everybody.
current mood:  calm
current music: "Bathwater" ~No Doubt (1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, February 20th, 2001
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4:25 pm - "Life in a nutshelle" ~Barenaked Ladies
When she was three her Barbies always did it on the first date
Now she's with me, there's never any need for them to demonstrate
She's like a baby, I'm like a cat;
When we are happy, we both get fat and still
It's never enough, it's never enough, it's never enough
But I don't tend to worry 'bout the things that other people say
And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way
Call me crazy but it really doesn't matter
All that matters to me is she
Her life in a nutshell
No way would she want it to change me
It's not that easy 'cause my time is often decided for me
For me
She memorized every pencil crayon color in the box
Her blue-green eyes complement the burnt sienna in her locks
She's at the movies, I'm on the phone;
When we're separated we're never alone, but still
It's never enough, it's never enough, no it's never enough
But I don't tend to worry 'bout the things that other people say
And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way
Call me crazy but it really doesn't matter
All that matters to me is she
Her life in a nutshell
No way would she want it to change me
It's not that easy 'cause my time is often decided for me
For me
I fell down with no one there to catch me from falling
Then she came 'round
And only her tenderness stopped me from bawling my eyes out
I'm OK, and that's why...
I don't tend to worry 'bout the things that other people say
And I'm learning that I wouldn't want it any other way
Call me crazy but it really doesn't matter
All that matters to me is she
current mood:  drained
current music: life in a nutshell running in my brain (comment on this)
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11:02 am - "What a good boy" ~Barenaked Ladies
When I was born they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl
We've got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls we just look away
This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right
But be with me tonight
I go to school, I write exams
If I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn?
And if they do, they'll soon forget
'Cause it won't take much for me to show that my life ain't over yet
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change
I wake up scared, I wake up strange
And everything around me stays the same
This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right
But be with me tonight
I couldn't tell you that I was wrong
Chickened out, grabbed a pen and paper, sat down and I wrote this song
I couldn't tell you that you were right
So instead I looked in the mirror watched tv laid awake all night
We've got these chains that hang around our necks
People want to strangle us with them before we take our first breath
Afraid of change, afraid of staying the same
When temptation calls....
This name is the hairshirt I wear
And this hairshirt is woven from your brown hair
This song is the cross that I bear
Bear it with me, bear with me, bear with me
Be with me tonight
I know that it isn't right
But be with me tonight
When I was born they looked at me and said
What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy
And when you were born they looked at you and said
What a good girl, what a smart girl, what a pretty girl, hey
current mood:  jubilant
current music: "If I had a million dollars" ~Barenaked ladies (comment on this)
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Monday, February 19th, 2001
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1:37 pm - good song
more music, I just kinda fell like this song right now.
Magic's In The Makeup~ No Doubt
Can you tell I'm faking it?
But I want to be myself
A counterfeit disposition
Can't be good for my health
So many different faces
Depending on the different phases
My personality changes
I'm a chameleon
There's more than one dimension
I can fool you and attract attention
Camouflage my nature
Let me demonstrate…
Makeup's all off
Who am I?
Magic's in the make up
Who am I?
If you bore me then I'm comfortable
If you interest me I'm scared
My attraction paralyzes me
No courage to show my true colors that exist
But I want to be the real thing
But if you catch my eye can't be authentic
The one's I loath are the one's that know me the best
My makeup’s all off
Who am I?
The magic's in the make up
Who am I?
The makeup's all off
Who am I?
If the magic's in the make up
Then who am I?
Magic's in the makeup
But I want to be real the thing
But the magic's in the makeup
And I want to be the real thing
My makeup's all off
Who am I?
I love, love love No Doubt. Gwen writes all her songs, and that makes me feel like I can connect to them more. I just like the topic in this song, I think I am going to get around to posting almost all of their songs, they are amazing.
On another note, my dad is coming up tonight. He is up nere on business, and he is going to take me out to dinner, I can't wait!
current mood:  flirty
current music: "Marry Me" ~No Doubt (comment on this)
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Sunday, February 18th, 2001
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3:45 pm - If I had a Million Dollars...........
I like the Barenaked Ladies.
I can't believe that I have not touched this journal in a week. I have been quite busy. So Lets see how much of the week I can remember:
Monday, I believe was pretty standard, nothing exciting.
Tuesday, Happy Valentines Day! I had a very nice day. Todd sent me a carnation, and my roomie got me 3 roses, how nice!I also got valentines from my friends. I called Abe, that was very nice. I like Valentine's day. I took my computer science test that day too, I did good.
Wed, I can't remember, nothing really special again, at lease I don't remember anything exciting.
Thursday, I found out that I got a 96 on my computer test, that was awesome. I hung out with Todd that night, that was fun, I guess. I did Stephanie's tarot cards and then watched ER.
Friday,after classes Emily and I braught Ally to the train station, then we went to the mall. I baught some make-up from H&M;, and some rings from Limited Too. I baught some little gifts for my family as well. Spent a lot of money, at least for me. OH WELL. Then when we got back, Emily Jeni, Eric and I watched Fight Club, that was a good movie.
Saturday, I started off the morning trying to get work done, then Todd came to visit, and distracted me and made me go to Wal-Mart. Then I got back and did my reading. Then Jeni Jenny and Todd tried to get me to go out with them. Todd went so far as to carry me out of my room, but it didn't work. I went to Bunnee's room and played Monopoly instead. They came back at 12:30, that was fun. Todd couldn't stand, Jeni couldn't stop eating, Jenny couldn't stop laughing, Kevin really couldn't walk, Eric just was there in my room. Good times.
Today? Well I have been doing work, and just hanging around, yes what a time, I can't wait until tonight, Futurama, Simpsons, Malcom and x-files. Oh, I have to do some wash, that is all for now.
current mood:  indifferent
current music: "Here With Me" ~Dido (2 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, February 11th, 2001
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10:08 pm - another song
and guess what, it is another Third Eye Blind song, but I got a story with this one. Ok, on the album that I have there is a edited version. I just thought that it was an instrumental with a chorus. But then I read an article saying that they wanted the band to edit the song because it was very graphic. I was so interested in what the song had to say, I was excited when I found an un-edited version on the web. I listened to it and I could not believe it, it is such an emotional song, it is sad, but it is so real, I can't stop listening to it.
"SLOW MOTION"
Ms. Jones taught me English, but I think I just shot her son
Cause he owed me money, with a bullet in the chest you cannot run
Now he's bleeding in a vacant lot
The one in the summer where we used to smoke pot
I guess I didn't mean it
But man you shoulda seen it
His flesh explode
Slow motion
See me let go
We tend to die young
Slow motion
See me let go
What a brother knows
Slow motion
See me let go
Now the cops will get me
But girl, if you would let me
I'll take your pants off
I gotta a little bit of blow
We could both get off
Later bathing in the afterglow
Two lines of coke I'd cut with Draino
And her nose starts to bleed
A most beautiful ruby red
Slow motion
See me let go
We'll remember these days
Slow motion
See me let go
Urban life decay's
Slow motion
See me let go
And at home
My sister's eating paint chips again
Maybe that's why she's insane
I shut the door to her moaning
And I shoot smack in my vains
And wouldn't you
See my neighbor's beating his wife
Because he hates his life
There's an arc to his fist as he swings
Oh man, what a beautiful thing
And death slides close to me
Won't grow old to be
A junkie whine-o creep
Hollywood glamourized my wrath
I'm the young urban psyco path
I encite murder for your entertainment
Cause I needed the money
What's your excuse?
The joke's on you
Slow motion
See me let go
Oh yeah
Slow motion
See me let go
Slow motion
See me let go
I don't know what it is about the song, I can like vision what is going on and it is just beautiful in some way, even though I would never do any of the stuff in the song. I am not crazy, just in case you think I am for picking this song.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: "Slow Motion" ~Third Eye Blind (comment on this)
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3:25 pm - my weekend
"If you've never stared off into the distance, than your life is a shame." ~Counting Crows
I am giving myself a much needed break from all the work I have done today. Let me break down my weekend:
Friday night Jeni, Jenny, Ally, Kevin and I went to the Oswego vs Potsdam hockey game. There we met up with our RA and her boyfriend. I had such a great time, the game was great, and so were the fans. I didn't know that you get away with yelling at the away teams player that "they sucked dick." It was great. Even better, we won 5-1!!!
Everybody else was going to go out, but then they didn't feel that good, so Jeni, Ally, Emily, Justin and I watched Sent Of A Woman. It was a good movie.
Saturday, I did my laundry, read my psychology, sold carnations for valentines day, played UNO with Ally while she was working at the front desk, and went to another hockey game. This time it was Oswego vs Plattsburg. They are the biggest rivals. They have a tradition that the first goal we score, we throw out bagels, it was great, although I thought that I was going to get hit with one. But we lost 2-5, oh well.
Jeni, Ally, Justin, Kevin and Eric went out, they were so funny when they came back. They all charged into my room while I was watching TV, it was just so funny. They had no idea what they were doing.
This morning I went to brunch with Jenny. There we met up with Todd, Eric and Turttle. We made the mistake of sitting with them, and I had to suffer by hearing Todd sing "Downtown." That is tourture that no one should have to suffer through. Then I played UNO with ally at the front desk while Todd Eric and Turttle played pool. I made fun of Todd, and he asked is I would rub, his stick, and I called him a bastard, that is a regular conversation for us.
Since this morning I have finished my English paper, and read 3 chapters in my computer book. But I still have 2 more chapters in computer, and a letter to write. Wow, that is going to be hard because from 7-10 I have to watch FOX, tonight is the only night I watch TV.
Back to the books.....
current mood: drained
current music: "Slow Motion" ~Third Eye Blind (comment on this)
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Friday, February 9th, 2001
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6:57 pm
To Those in My Past and My Present
By: Anonymous
>>
Maybe the time has gone, the faces, I recall. But things in this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all....The scary part being that
we've all been hit with change lately, and it doesn't seem to have come slowly at all. Do you remember the day you left home? I'm sure that you
do. But I'll bet that what you remember even more clearly were the days in the week before you left. You know......the days that you spent getting addresses , phone numbers, and email addresses and trying to figure out how to say goodbye to everyone that you've loved for as long as you could remember. Do you remember standing by your best friend's car one night, after midnight, trying to sum up the meaning of a friendship you'd managed to maintain through thick and thin for years? Do you remember how hard that was, to think of how to say goodbye to that one person? It was nearly impossible, wasn't it, to give them that one last hug and turn around
and walk inside? I'll bet the part of what you remember was the night before you left, kissing your boyfriend or girlfriend goodbye one last time. Just knowing that you'd have to turn around and walk back inside was almost motivation enough not to leave. Stepping back to take one last look at that person you love---it's really scary. And you go and you tell yourself that you won't ever find someone new. You won't ever replace your old
friends. You'll never fall in love again. It's really crazy, what kinds of things can happen when you don't mean for them to. You get to a new place full of strangers. You meet people who forget you. You forget people who you meet. But sometimes, you come across some extraordinarily special people. They have tears to shed, too. They also left people that they love behind. They're still in love with that guy or girl back home where they used to live, and they all want someone to talk to. So you talk. Talk is good.
You form bonds you never thought you'd form. You call your old friends and tell them about the new ones. Sometimes, they don't understand. Sometimes, you hurt their feelings. Sometimes everyone is a bit jealous. You miss your boyfriend. Or your girlfriend. One day you're sitting in the park, thinking about all that stuff you didn't want to leave, and a stranger sits down near you. Sometimes that person stays a stranger. Other times you talk to him or her. Sometimes you experience things you didn't want to ever happen. You become interested in a person that isn't your boyfriend or girlfriend at home. Sometimes college is really complicated. Sometimes you stay together, other times you break
up. Sometimes you think you've done the wrong thing by coming so far away from home. And sometimes when you start thinking like this, it's time to make a change. So when this happens, you sit down and turn on your stereo, and that song "Leaving on a Jet Plane" from the Armageddon soundtrack is on, or The Eagles "Sad Cafe" song, and you wonder if you can still recall all the
faces from your past. So, you pick up the phone and you call them all just to say, "Hi, I love you, I'm thinking about you." And then just as an
afterthought you say, "You know, I'm really learning a lot from college. I wish you'd come here and visit all of my friends. They would love you. And you would love them. They're very important to me." Because, after all this is college. And college is a growing experience. Growing experiences cause change. Change is hard. But whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So call your parents. Call your siblings. Call your best friend. Or your boyfriend or girlfriend. Or even your ex,
if that's how it worked out. Tell them hello. Tell them that you miss and love them. And then, turn off your stereo, walk out of your dorm room.
Go to a new friend's room and give them a big hug and say, "Thanks so much for being here. I love you."
You learn a lot when you go to college. You learn that pulling an
>> all-nighter means
>> staying up all night to study for a test you will then sleep through.
>> You learn to
>> appreciate the taste of beer-the cheapest of all alcoholic
>> beverages. You learn that you can roll out of bed 10 minutes before
>> class and go to class
>> looking like shit-and noone will notice or care. You learn you really
>> can
>> do things for yourself without your parents looking over your
>> shoulder--but you also learn you never realized how nice it was to have
>> them there,
>> just in case. More than anything, however, you learn how much your
>> friends
>> really mean to you. College friends come to mean a lot to you, but they
>> can never compare your friends from home. Your friends from home
>> teach you the meaning of friendship during your college years.
>> Because you are apart from them you tend to express your feelings
>> more-you Learn how much these people truly affect your life.
>> You've got your best friend who exemplifies friendship-she calls at
>> least once a week, sends email every day, and even sends you real mail.
>> You
>> feel like you never left each other...she still knows
>> everything about you, and even over the internet can tell when
>> something is wrong. She teaches you that distance doesn't
>> have to change a friendship at all. Then there is your other best
>> friend. She rarely
>> calls or writes and she doesn't do the email thing. At times you think
>> she
>> has forgotten about you...until you hear from her. You hear from her
>> for the first time in almost two months- and nothing has changed. You
>> are
>> still you and she is still her-- even though you never talk you are
>> As close as ever, you are still the best of friends. You find yourself
>> expressing to her just how much she means to you- because you realize
>> it now more than ever. She teaches you that true friends are friends in
>> the soul...no separation can tear them apart. Then there are those
>> friends that you sort of lost
>> touch with those last few months of high school and during the summer.
>> You were busy, they were busy...but somehow, the magic of email has
>> brought you closer together than you ever were in four years at the same
>>
>> school. You
>> share secrets, heartache, and joy...it's another person who cares
>> about you as long as you will care about them too. Away from all the
>> pettiness of high school, you've finally formed an adult
>> relationship...and
>> you realize just how great a friend this person
>> is. Suddenly, the people that you thought for sure
>> you would lose touch with in college are the ones you keep in closest
>> contact with--and you miss them more than you ever thought possible.
>> Sadly
>> enough, there are also the friends that you were closest to in
>> high school who drift too far for you to hold on to. You've both
>> changed and suddenly you don't have much to say to each
>> other. But these people teach you a lesson too--they make you value the
>> others, the ones you have stayed close to, that much more. These distant
>>
>> friends, though you miss them when you rarely think of them, show you
>> who
>> your forever friends really are-and they make you
>> appreciate those forevers much more than before. College is rough.
>> College
>> severs some bonds and solidifies others...it puts a distance between you
>>
>> and the ones you love. But it teaches you so much. It forces your real
>> friends to come to the front, while the rest take their places in the
>> shadows of your memories.
>> In college you lose some people-but through real
>> friendship and the strength of the soul(which is where real friends
>> join as one) you keep the ones you will need most in your life. You
>> learn the
>> real meaning of the quote: "If you press me to say why we were friends,
>> I can say no more than it was because she was she and I was I."
>> The people who fit that mold are your forever friends.
>> So send this on to those forever friends. Send it
>> to the ones you keep in touch with. And send it to the ones you
>> don't-just
>> to tell them how much you appreciate all they did for you. And send it
>> to
>> your new college friends, who hopefully will someday too be your
>> Forever friends. >>
>
current mood: calm
current music: "hanging by a moment" ~lifehouse (comment on this)
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12:16 pm - Let me break it down till I force the issue
That's from a Third Eye Blind song as well, I can't tell you how much I love that CD.
So yestersay, I resisted temptation to write in my LJ, I had a lot of work to get done, and thank god I got it done. Although I have a lot of work still to do this weekend. Here is what I am going to have to accomplish:
1) I have an exam in computer science on Tuesday, so that is 5 chapters that I have to study
2) I have to finish my english paper that is due Monday. It had to be 4-5 pages. I have 3
3) read for history
4) read for sociology
5) read for child psychology
Wow, that is a lot more than I thought. But I am not planing on going out this weekend so I should be good.
So next wed. is Valentines day. This will only be the second time in my life that I have someone(other than my family) to spend it with. To bad that he is in IL and I am in NY. My hall is selling candy hearts and carnations, that they will deliver on the 14th. My friends and I already made a pact that we would send candy to eachother, just so that everybody gets something. Maybe I will get a carnation from a secret admierer(a girl can dream, lol)
Ummm, I think that does it for now, I am going to put another song in my journal. Music is so important to me. A good song for me is not just about the music but the lyrics, I always find ways to connect songs to my life or people in them. This song does not really fit with my life, but I just love the story to it.
"WOUNDED"
The guy who put his hands on you
Has got nothing to do with me
And the bruises that you feel will heal
And I hope you come around
'Cause we're missing you.
And...
You used to speak so easy
Now you're afraid to talk to me
It's like walking with the wounded
Carrying that weight, way to far
Concrete pulled you down so hard
Out there with the wounded
We're missing you
Well I never claimed to understand
What happens after dark
But my fingers catch the sparks
At the thought of touching you
When your wounded
Well let me break it down till we force the issue
We miss your face, you know I wish you
Would come back down to the Dalva Bar
You tell 'em, that's just my battle scar
I wanna kiss you
And knock 'em down like we used to
You're the marigold
Till you're walking down shakin' that ass again
Then you walk on, baby, walk on, ya walk on
On and on
You're an angel in the pit with her hands in the air
And we're missing you
Now it's fall and
Your shoulders get tighter
Nervous fits on your lighter..boots
Your pissed off poets
Your womens' groups
And the friends with you
We shoulda known this fool
Well I guess we missed the mark
Still my fingers catch the sparks
At the thought of them touching you
And now you're wounded
Let me break it down till we force the issue
You never come around, and you know we miss you
Well nobody took your pride away
I said "That's something people say"
Back down the bully to the back of the bus
'Cause it's time for them to be scared of us
Till you're yellin on lenin 'cause you got the ball
Then you rock on, baby, rock on, ya rock on
On and on
You're a summer time hottie with the socks in the air
Screaming, "I don't care, baby, I don't care"
Ooh
You say you don't know
You say you don't know
(You're the marigold)
All I know is we're missing you
You say you don't know
You say you don't know
(You're the marigold)
All I know is we're missing you
Show them
Show them who you are
Show them
Show then who you are
current mood:  silly
current music: 'Farther From You Every Day" ~Third Eye Bind (1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, February 7th, 2001
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10:34 pm - Song
I really like this song by Third Eye Blind.
DARKNESS
Blue come over
Born a joneser
And the cops pull out the radar
And shoot devious grins
Another day begins
Ah...
I want someone to know me
Maybe tell me who I am
'Cause I’ve faced down my demons
And cried out to a god
A god I’ve never seen
Lights
And the world darkens around me
Strange friends all surround me
New ideas in my head start to burn
Dropped out of schools 'cause of things I never learned
'Cause the world darkens around me, yeah
World darkens around me, yeah
I want you to love me
Like ya did, before you knew me
And I never thought there’d be any help
For somebody like me
A vacancy
Sing
'Cause the world darkens around me
Strange friends all surround me
New ideas in my head start to burn
Trust no one, that's the one thing that I've learned
'Cause the world darkens around me, yeah
Bring me the sun
'Cause I slide off the moon
Bring me the sun
(Slide off the moon)
(You better get home soon)
There’s no hope for people, yeah, like you and me
There’s no hope for people
(Slide off the moon)
Bring me the sun
(You better get home soon)
'Cause I slide off the moon
Bring me the sun
(Slide off the moon)
Whoa...go.
I don't know why I like this so much, the music is really good for it too, I have rediscovered my Third Eye Blind "Blue" CD. That is some good music.
current mood:  awake
current music: "Darkness" ~Third Eye Blind (comment on this)
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6:33 pm - another forward
this is for all the girls.
Remember when.........
You were born a daughter.
You looked up to your mother.
You looked up to your father.
You looked up to everyone.
You wanted to be a princess.
You wanted to own a horse.
You wanted your brother to be a horse.
You wanted to wear pink.
You wanted to be a teacher.
You wanted to be president.
You were picked last for the team.
You were the best one on the team.
You refused to be on the team.
You wanted to do well in algebra.
You hid during algebra.
You wanted boys to notice you.
You were afraid boys would notice you.
You started to get acne.
You started to get breasts.
You started to get acne that was bigger than your
breasts.
You wouldn't wear a bra.
You couldn't wait to wear a bra.
You couldn't fit into a bra.
You didn't like the way you looked.
You didn't like the way your parents looked.
You didn't want to grow up.
You had your first best friend.
You had your first date.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You got kissed.
You got to kiss back.
You spent hours on the telephone.
You didn't go to prom.
You went to prom with the wrong person
You spent hours on the telephone.
You thought you fell in love.
You thought you fell in love.
You thought you fell in love.
You lost your first best friend.
You got a new best friend.
You really fell in love.
You became a steady girlfriend.
You became significant to somebody.
You became significant to yourself
Sooner or later, you start to take yourself seriously.
You know when you need a break.
You know when you need a rest.
You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of and you know when it's time to take
care of yourself, and for yourself to do something that makes you stronger, faster,more
confident.
You know it's never too late to live life and never too late to change.
current mood: flirty
current music: "Breathless" ~The Corrs (1 comment | comment on this)
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4:25 pm - I did a dumb thing
So I decided to walk back to the dorm from classes, big mistake. It was snowing outside, but not that bad, so I thought "what the heck, I need the excersize." So I start walking, and the snow starts falling harder. It is blowing into my eyes and I can't see where I am going. Then it gets windy, and the snow turns into little hail balls. So basically I am walking home with my eyes closed in the wicked cold. Then the ground is all slushy, except for the parts where the rain from yesterday froze. So every once in a while I am slipping on ice. I must have been a site to see, ha ha.
Yesterday I spent a lot of time with Todd. I saw him after my first class, talked to him online, then I went to class, got back and talked to him more online, had dinner with him and my friends, went back to my room to do some homework, talked to him online some more, he came to the program with me ally jeni and eric, went to late night with him ally and eric, got back, and talked to him once more. So why am I saying all this, because today he was not in class, and just now he IM's me that he got the flu! He was fine yesterday. If I get it, that boy is going down. I do not need to be sick again.
So I just finished reading massive amounts of child psychology, and my head hurts, yuck.
YES YES YES YES, Abe just came online, have to talk to him!!!!!!!!
current mood: excited
current music: "ten days late" ~third eye blind (4 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, February 6th, 2001
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9:04 pm - forward
I got this forward today, and I thought I would share it.
I believe-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.
I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
I believe-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I believe-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.
I believe-
that you can keep going
long after you can't.
I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
I believe-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.
I believe-
that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take
its place.
I believe-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.
I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.
I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.
I believe-
that matu! rity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I believe-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe-
that two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally different.
I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.
I believe-
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.
I believe-
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
I believe...
current mood:  cheerful
current music: "Wounded" ~third eye blind (4 comments | comment on this)
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12:25 pm - break
Today I had a class at 9:35-10:55, but I don't have another class until 2:20, so I am just relaxing, not much is going on.
Yesterday was pretty standard, the usual school thing. I got to talk to Abe online, that was great because I hadn't talked to him in a while, I was in such a hyper mood, we both were, so we were making fun of eachother. I told him that I got drunk at the frat, and for about 30 seconds he believed me, lol, I had a very good conversation with him. But the best thing he said was "I trust you more than anything." Wow, I am lucky.
I can't think of anything else I want to say, but I know while I am sitting in class I will think od something. I have to eork on my paper for english, fun fun.
current mood: crazy
current music: "Simple Kind of Life" ~No Doubt (comment on this)
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Sunday, February 4th, 2001
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11:40 am - love wasting my day
it is almost noon, and I have yet to start any work.
Jenny, Emily and I watched Silence of The Lambs last night, Jenny really liked it, maybe if I get some work done, I will watch it again today.
Jenny stayed in my room because my roomie Jeni went to visit a friend, and Ally's BF was staying the night in their room. After the movie was over, around 11:45 we talked for a half an hour just about stuff, like me moving, Abe, my sophomore english teacher, and other random things.
This morning Jenny and I went to brunch. As we were about to leave, Todd came into the dining hall. He came and sat with us, and told me that I looked like I had been out partying last night (I had taken a shower, but had not done my hair or make-up, thanks Todd). Then he asked if I got any on friday, or if I got drunk, no Todd, sorry. Then jenny asked where he was yesterday, and we forced it out of him that he went to meet his girlfriends parents. That is a big step for Mr. "I don't want a relationship." Go Todd, at least you are trying, keep with the cinnimon toast crunch.
Ok, now I have to buckle down, and get some work done, I know I will be back later.
current mood:  determined
current music: "The Flag" ~Barenaked Ladies (2 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, February 3rd, 2001
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6:41 pm - I should be working on an essay
But I wanted to write about last night so bad I could not concentrate.
So I did not chicken out I went to Sig Ta last night!! I was very proud of myself, so here is what went down:
So Emily drove, which ment that she would stay sober, which really put me at ease. So Emily, Jeni, Ally, CJ, and I went to the party around 9. When we got there we were greeted by the frat boys, all of which were very nice with the "Thanks for coming." "Have a great time." While we were walking in the door I could not believe how big the house was, it was tremendous, and it was an old home, if it was taken care of, that house could be worth a lot of money. Yeah I was most likely the only one thinking about it, but it was a cool house.
So then we got into the line to pay our 5 dollars. When I was paid I was handed one of the 500 blue cups. Now, this cup is very important, only 500 people get them, and the people that don't get them, want them. So I had my cup, and it stayed empty the whole evening. We tried to make our way around the house but it was packed already, so we went into the room where the band was going to be. We were just chatting and listening to the music. Ally and CJ were drinking, Jeni started to smoke up. That was the first time that I had smelled pot, and I thought that it was so disgusting, I started to cough, and Jeni thought that I was making fun of her, but I wasn't, I was choking.
Then we meet up with Jenny and Bunnee, they had gone to a mixer, and already had a lot to drink. Bunnee came up tp me and gave me a hug, and she said that she was so happy to see me out. Then she grabbed my ass and told me to fill up my cup with beer. I just started laughing, she was so drunk. Then she started to introduce me to other girls that she was with, and this one girl Joanne told me that she respected that I went out and did not drink, I thought that was very nice, it might have ment more if she was not drunk.
So then the band started to play, and I thought that they were so good. It was a punk rock band, I just wish that there had been room to dance a bit. That was the thing that I wanted to do, dance. But the band was great.
We left the band room and tried again to make our way around the house, but by that time it was really packed, we could not even get up the stairs. So again we went into the band room. Ally by this time was pretty tipsy, and she is asking me if I had seen any cute guys, because she said that she wanted to find somebody, I told her I didn't see any cute guys, and then she started to laugh and she put her hand on my face and said "well you just let me know."
This whole time I had just been checking out the scene. I was just watching the people talk and try to dance, drink, and walk. I found the whole thing harmless, I didn't feel any danger tward me, but maybe becuse I knew that I did not have to worry about finding a ride home, or waiting for a cab. I figure that I would go to these and I would have no problem being the designated driver, because then I would know that my friends and I would be getting home safe, and here is the perfect example of how thankful I was about having Emily and her car.
Jeni was standing against the wall, when all of a sudden she turns white, and starts to heave like she is going to throw up. Then her head falls back, and it looked like she blacked out. So we tried to talk to her, she was looking at us but not saying anything, so we decided that we better get her outside for some fresh air. That was a challenge. We had to push our way through, if they did not move, we just had them look at her and they got out of our way. We got her outside, and decided to take her home because she needed Jenny and I to hold her up. We got her to the car, and we made it home, with her almost puking in the car. When we got home Jeni was feeling a little better, but she was a bit mad because she wanted to go back to the party, but we had to explain to her that she was not ok. So walked around, then layed down on the bed,and then fell asleep. I took a shower because I reaked of smoke.
Well, I guess it was a pretty good evening. I had a good time, I will do it again, but in no way do I want to become a party animal, just not ready yet.
Today, Ally CJ and I went and saw Save The Last Dance, that was a good movie. It made me wish that I hadn't stopped taking ballet. But tonight Jenny and I are going to watch Silence of the Lambs, Jenny has not seen it, I love that movie.
God, this has gotten long, I need to stop.
current mood:  energetic
current music: "I am a man of constant sorrow" ~The Soggy Bottom Brothers (2 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, February 2nd, 2001
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6:26 pm - If I were a cereal
I would be Rasin Bran according to Todd. He says that I am rasin bran because I am good and plain. Yes he is implying that that I am a goodie goodie, oh well, I thought that it was a good comparison.
Well, the frat is still on for tonight. Sig Ta is a very big frat, meaning it is popular, so there is going to be a lot of people there, wow I hope I can do this.
That is all for now, I didn't want to forget about the cereal thing, so I will see ya later...
current mood: amused
current music: "Break Stuff" ~Limp Bizkit (1 comment | comment on this)
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2:31 pm - *Hey Mrs. Potter*
That song (Ms. Potter's lullabye) by the Counting Crows is a good song, it is almost 8 min. long but it dosen't feel like it.
hmmmmm........I have not updated in a while, and while things have happened, I can't think of anything that I want to write about, I have seen myself in rut lately with wanting to put stuff down on paper, maybe because I have a thought in the back of my mind that won't let me concentrate on other random things, and I don't want to put it down because I think after it is put on paper I will have to believe it. I'm not going crazy, friends please stay, just one of those awkward teen phases.
Oh, I think that I am going to go out for the first time tonight. Last night I made a comment that it might be fun to go to a frat, and this moring it had gone gottne changed to "Meredith is going out tonight." So now I feel like I have an obligation to go. But Emily said that she would go and not drink, so I think I should be fine. But who knows, I have been known to back out of things at the last min.
You know, I used to hate when guys treated me like a little sister, but now it is nice to know that there is someone to watch over you.
current mood: jubilant
current music: "It ain't over till it's over" ~Lenny Kravitz (comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 30th, 2001
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12:54 pm - What's in your special yum yum spot?
That is refering to what is in your tummy. My English teahcher said that yesterday, and it just made me laugh, to have an English teacher say "yum yum" in college makes me laugh.
Also when I was sitting in English I saw a flyer that said "God is Dead" So I almost flip out and get really mad, thinking that it is for the Atheists but then for some reason it was for the Newman Center (the Catholic church on campus) It was to aware people of the "newer views of God" I don't really know. Maybe I should go check it out. The only reason I put this is because I have been noticing religion around me since I wrote about religion in my LJ earlier.
I think that is all I got for today, I have another topic, but I will write about that later because I am waiting for some closure on it.
current mood: flirty
current music: my roomie is playing Bloodhound Gang (4 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, January 28th, 2001
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3:59 pm - yo yo yo
Hey, I don't know really why I am writing now, I don't have much to say, well.........I have something to talk about, just not the time to say it. At 4:30 I have to sell tickets with Ally for the formal dance. I don't think that many people are going to go. I forgot all about it, I think it is next weekend. And that is the thing, there has been no advertising. Wel will just have to see. I would really like to go, but I wouldn't have anyone to go with. Ally said I could go with her and CJ, that he wouldn't mind having 2 dates, lol, we will see, I don't know if I want to give him that pleasure.
At 5:30 there is a party for the super bowel game. It is in the lounge of our hall, there is going to be food, yum! That is the only reason I am going, and to see NSYNC,on the big screen(yeah Abe that's right!)
current mood:  dorky
current music: "Leaving Town" ~Dexter Freebish (comment on this)
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