Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in Datura's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, April 10th, 2001
6:19 pm	amnesia It's been a year... and I'm just fine. But there are days when I'd give anything to go back ... live those months over again.....but I hate how you drive around in that stupid car. I hate how you used to visit your family every weekend. I hate how you choose drugs over people. I hated it when you didn't call I hated the nicknames you gave me. I hated your hair. I hated that girl with the big nose. I hated your mom. I hate how you work at that mall I hate thinking about you still, after all this time... I bet You don't even remember (Comment on this)
6:18 pm	(Comment on this)
Saturday, April 7th, 2001
12:30 pm	J-man Jeremy and I have known each other for 3 years...I've been with him on and off for the past year. I love him to pieces...we've got the same mind, he understands me like no one else can...he's home to me. But due to the distance between us and lack of trust... Our relationship has pretty much gone to crap since I've moved here. We've really tried to make it work, but I think we're both just really tired. He's always been controlling and untrusting...I just can't stand that anymore. But for some reason, I can't really break it off with him. Right now, we have an agreement, and it sucks... We're still committed to each other but we're not talking. And I think thats retarded... To make matters worse. I've met a guy here in south carolina. His name is Dave, and I really like him a lot. And that makes me feel kind of torn. On one hand I've got Jeremy... We've got so much time behind us and we've been through so much...Then on the other hand there's Dave... He's extremely nice to me, and I love to be around him. I'm just afraid that I'm going to lose everything I have with Jeremy over some guy I barely know. But It just feels right with Dave. I don't have to watch what I say around Dave. I don't get put down by Dave. I don't know what to do about it... so I guess, for the time being, I'll just leave things like they are now and try to forget that I have all of this on my mind... Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Tori Amos ~ Past The Mission (Comment on this)
Friday, April 6th, 2001
10:18 pm	The beginning This being my first entry... I'll start from 7th months ago. That's when I moved to Goose Creek, South Carolina...from the much missed Jacksonville, Florida. My father is in the military...and if you don't already know, the military is not at all sympathetic to the wishes of any family. Therefore, I had to accept the fact that my life was going to be picked up, and then hastily thrown in a north eastern direction. I remember that first day I moved. I stepped out of the car onto my new front yard, and made a vow to myself. I swore that I would never let my friends in Jax go, I'd never change, and the second I graduated... I'd move right back home. For months I kept my vow...and made absolutely no friends. I pushed all of the people up here away. they were all so nice (most of them anyway). And I just pushed them away. From September on through December...I had no life, no friends...nothing. For some reason things changed in Jan. Call in a New Year's resolution if you want...but I let go of Jacksonville a little. I still kept in contact with everyone...and I still missed them. But nothing was going to change the fact that I don't live there anymore. I could either pout for a year and a half until I graduated...or I could try to enjoy myself and make a few friends. And I did just that. But now I'm left feeling guilty. I feel like I've betrayed everyone I know in Jacksonville. I beat myself up for moving on (though they've all done the same). I know that they dont feel that way about it. For the most part, they are all really happy for me. They're all glad that I have people to relate to again...and glad that I have places to go. I just wish that letting go of Jacksonville didn't make me feel like I've changed...The idea of me changing pisses me off like nothing else could. I've always hated people who change out of nowhere...but isn't that what I did? Current Mood: guilty Current Music: Tori Amos ~ Space Dog (Comment on this)