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Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

	2001.08.14  02.03 Right well... I am no longer going to use this... go here to read my journal... I'm going to be spilling my soul out for a while... alot is on my mind. Mood: optimistic Music: Blink 182 - Roller Coaster

	2001.07.19  01.16 Here Today, Gone Tomorrow... I head out for vacation tomorrow... fun. Oh yeah, i cant wait to go to a wedding... *sarcasm* and visit my grandma... again... and do NOTHING because knowing my parents I wont be able to walk around town by myself for more then an hour. So yeahh i get to be sober for two fucking weeks. When I get back, Mellie will have her own place, and if I get a job, ill be moving in with her... we'll see how it goes. She's having a party the day after I get back too, im gunna take him with me, and see how shit works out... oh yeah... im not gunna use this journal very often anymore, so just add this journal to your friends... I'll add you back. lalala... I just know im gunna have computer withdrawls, and weed withdrawls, and im gunna be so fucking bored cause i wont have anyone to talk to but family.... Mood: aggravated Music: Boy Kicks Girl - Nothing.

	2001.07.09  22.37 lksd... i have to wait until tomorrow to rent fluppy dogs and dude wheres my car... my parents decided to go get drunk and not think that there child might want to rent movies...

	2001.07.09  18.49 Tonight i'm going to make my mom rent me a few movies... i'm thinking dude wheres my car, and fluppy dogs... i havent seen fluppy dogs in years and it'll probly only be a 49 cent rental cause its so old... i was downloading dude wheres my car, but my computer got fucked somehow while i was gone lastnight, and it was half done... oh well, renting works. Mood: discontent Music: X-Ray Spex - Oh Bondage! Up Yours!

	2001.07.08  19.48 Sad songs playing from my semi-out of tune guitar, and no idea where there coming from. I play the same 4 notes over and over, sometimes changing the pattern of strumming or order of the notes... it sounds so depressing and it seems to be suiting the mood im in right now. if i make up lyrics for it, which i probly will, ill record it... it doesnt sound half bad, just depressing. Oh, and i've made my plan for the summer. I'm not leaving my house, atleast as little as posible anyways. I'll only go to kelowna, vancouver, and victoria with my parents, thats it. I'm going to just drop out of my social scene so maybe I'll be forgoten. when school starts back up, hopefully no one will remember/want to remember me... I want to start all over again with people, or just say fuck them, i have a computer, i can type, i dont need school friends, all they do is make me feel worse about myself and put me down most of the time, sure they feed me pot, but they dont have to... they cut me out alot... i just dont fucking care anymore. Mood: depressed Music: The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You (yes emo, im depressed leave me the fuck alone)

	2001.07.04  21.43 And again... Yet again camping has been post poned... we still cant find a ride.... *whines* i wanna go camping with blake... BUTTTT my dad said he could drive us all on fridayyy... i hope. unless byran breaks down and drives us tomorrow... were gunna give him a bag of pot and gas money to drive us there. i hope he takes it, he can even camp with us if he wants too... *babbles on* yeah enough... Mood: anxious Music: the hissyfits - super starrrrrrr

	2001.07.04  13.31 Well... we didnt get to go camping lastnight, maybe tonight if my mom will drive us all out there. Instead i went drinking over at mellies house. There were 5 of us there... i only knew mellie. The only guy that was there, i dont member his name, took of with alaina, we figure they went to fuck. everyone there was 19 - 24. i was the youngest... as usual. im getting used to it... but fuck was i ever waisted. i tryed this one drink called woodys ice blueberry... it was soo good. I think i took a cab home... im pretty sure i did. i know i couldnt have walked. Today im just gunna be a bum until my mom gets home from work so i can ask her that if ross gives her $20 if she'll drive us to hudsons hope to go camping... i hope she will, i need to get away from my parents for a night and have fun with people i rarely hang out with anymore. Mood: mischievous Music: Lunachicks - Mr. Lady

	2001.06.28  20.25 After my last update my mom made me get off the comp to go clean the spare room which was completly engulfed in clothing, and junk. It was my old room... I spent 2 hours cleaning it, except vacuming. I told her if she wants it done she can vacume it. That didnt go over too well... i hope my cousin and my dads friend (theres 2 beds in the spare room) like sleeping in a room that has hamster shavings all over it, cause im not vacuming. It wasnt even all my mess. My sister also started throwing clothes in there she doesnt wear anymore, she should have to vacume it, i did the rest for fuck sakes. Just because i havent vacumed, or let my mom on the computer, after tonight im not allowed on this comp (the new one) for 5 days... (until mom goes back to work, she has 5 days off) She expects me to use the one in my room that cant run AIM and the internet explorer at the same time without crashing. I told her if she paid to get it fixed i'd use it, it needs to be reformated BADLY! almost nothing works on it. She told me to fuck off and go to my room, but i just came on here. I didnt even eat super today cause well, they made spagetti, and i hate it. I havent liked it in years and they still think i do. My dad freaks out and yells shit like "since when havent you liked it, you ate it last week" its like "uh no! i havent ate it for a long time you fucking retard". I swear, my parents get dumber by the day. I have no idea what im going to do tonight... im waiting for Brad to phone me cause before i left for kelowna he told me that if i was back before tomorrow i could go to gradfest partys with him... I left a msg on his answering machine. Mellie wants me to go out on saturday and blow some of her money with her, last year her foot got run over by a car and she just got $24,000 from it. I told her why not just throw a really big party, but her house is too small... Omg... Today I heard that there's going to be a Rave in this little hick town sometime within the next two weeks. Tickets are said to be $35 each. I'd like to go, but its at the curling rink and will be broken up easily by the cops. I mean hello? a rave right in the middle of town, in a small builing non the less... I think im going to go make my parents get me some food... i havent eaten all day. Well... i had a cookie. Then i'll work on my zine... i just need to add a couple things then my dad is going to copy it for me at his shop... yeahh. Mood: hungry Music: Sleater-Kinney - More Than A Feeling

	2001.06.28  16.18 *poetry time* ok i grabed my journal... i havent really thought of a title for this poem yet, consitering i dont even know where it came from.... We could be the old couple still in love, You know us two fit like a glove, I've always loved you but you know that, Thank you for that silly hat, Ever since the day we met, You've become hard to forget, I love the way you do your hair, And hug me like a teddy bear, Why can't we just try and see, How long we just could be, Love can last for years on end, Or could end around the bend, But i see us; We could go far, I'll drive you around in my P.O.S. car, We could be the old couple still in love, Because us two fit like a glove... I really wanna know where that came from... it's odd how things just pop outa my head like that all the time. Mood: artistic Music: Sleater-Kinney - Call the Doctor

	2001.06.23  11.12 I laughed when i read this... You're an 80's child if... (and I've made the ones that especially apply to me blue) - You had a crush on one of the New Kids on the Block members. - You wanted to be on StarSearch. (Come on, we all did) - You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off. Or even when he had those freaky eyes in "Thriller" at the end of the video. - You wore a banana clip or one of those slap on wrist bands at some point during your youth. - You wore french rolls on the botom of your splatter painted jeans. - You had slouch socks, and puff painted your own shirt at least once. - You owned a doll with 'Xavier Roberts' signed on it's butt. - You knew what Willis was "talkin' 'bout." - You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off." - You can name at least half of the members of the elite "Brat Pack." - You can remeber watching full house and saved by the bell for endless hours. - You have seen at least 10 episodes of Fraggle Rock. - You know that another name for a keyboard is a "Synthesizer." - You hold a special place in your heart for "Back to the Future." - You know where to go if you "wanna go where everybody knows your name." - You thought Molly Ringwald was REALLY cool. (Was there an 80's movie she WASN'T in?) tee hee... that was only part of it... go here if you wanna read the rest... I KNOW!!! im in an oldschool cartoon/tv show kick right now ok... leave me be! Mood: sleepy Music: Mr. Bumpy - the i was right song

	2001.06.23  08.12 *tee-hee* Ahahaaa... i know ail remembers this show, do you?? lmao... i cant beleive i found this.... I saved all the pics from it, and downloaded the songs lmao... yea, i love that show... too bad they took it off the air. Mood: amused Music: Mr. Bumby - I Was Right song.

	2001.06.23  07.36 guess you cant fix a necklace when its made outa rope type thing and thats what broke... *whines* oh well... i made a wish.

	2001.06.23  07.16 omg... the necklace i NEVER take off just broke... wow, that thing was on my neck for over a fucking year.... ima try n fix it..

	2001.06.23  00.52 Inner thoughts... Alot of questions have been brewing in my head lately... i know most of them are un-answerable... but here most of them are... why am i usualy depressed? am i living a lie? who am i, really? why do i hide some things from others? where will i be in a year? will i ever find love? or will anyone ever love me? will i ever make it out of this town? do the people i think are my friends actualy think of me that way in return? why do i easyily get influenced by people? why do alot of people not like me? why does my father only seem to like my sister? why does no one ever phone me just to go out and do something with me? will i get what i wish for? when will i find a way out? why am i slowly becoming anti-social? is it better this way? why do i have the allergys i do? why me? alot of whys... I wonder about things that cant be answered unless i get my ass up and out the door for once. But for some reason, the most comforting place in the whole world is on my computer talking to the same people i have been for years. It seems everyone i hold dear to me is slowly slipping away... I phone people, yet they never return my phone calls... some people only phone me for other things, like "is blake here yet?" "have you talked to blake lately?" "got any hoots?" *i can see this one... i usualy have weed, and alot of people smoke me up* I wonder why i cant be as open minded, and out spoken as I used to be... This summer is going to be about discovering who I am, and finding out where I truely belong. I'm going to try to get out more often. Go camping by myself, just spend time to think about what my purpose in life at this point is... Maybe try hitch-hikeing for once. do things i would have never done before. I would like to try something like bungee jumping, or sky diving. I would like to go places ive never been before. I want to make new friends who can respect me for the choices i make. I'm going to try not to be so easily influenced by people that surround me. Maybe one day ill find everything i've been hoping for.... Lately ive noticed i can just sit here on my computer for (literaly) days on end listening to one song over and over and over until it fucks up on me... I've been dazing out and not even realizing it... Maybe i should try harder to sleep, but these days it just seems pointless. It's summer, it really is going to be endless... Mood: relieved Music: Bobbyteens - Why do I hang around with you?

	2001.06.22  23.21 if you havent gone yet... here's my new website. I add new shit all the time... i just added a bunch of pics to the "saved file" part of it...

	2001.06.21  02.57 Fucking retards... My dad just told me that we arent leaving to see grandma till sunday... wow he really doesnt want to see her. this is pissing me off. im almost tempted to start hitch-hiking down there just because i have a feeling that by the time we actualy get down there she'll be dead... last time i felt that someone was going to die they did... the same day i thought it. i dont know exactly what im feeling right now, pain, anger, hate, depression... everythings just so fucked up right now... Mood: angry Music: The Get Up Kids - I'm a loner Dottie, a Rebel

	2001.06.20  20.44 I wish my father would make up his mind as to when were leaving to go see my grandmother. We were supposed to leave yesterday, then he said today, now hes saying tomorrow, i hope its tomorrow, i really wanna see my grandma before she dies... Mood: sad Music: none...

	2001.06.19  22.27 Cartoon comeback? Bat ou X (09:58:33): I got a ren and stimpy shirt rebelgrrlmanda (09:58:54): haha cool Bat ou X (09:59:04): i was like oh fuck! Bat ou X (09:59:09): i ran to it rebelgrrlmanda (09:59:12): haha Bat ou X (09:59:18): and i was holding the box with boots in em and i dropped them rebelgrrlmanda (09:59:30): hah Bat ou X (09:59:40): i love it Bat ou X (09:59:44): i was soo fuckin happy rebelgrrlmanda (09:59:54): well, my batman shirt kicks your ren n stimpy shirt anyday Bat ou X (10:00:03): nope rebelgrrlmanda (10:00:09): yeah it does. Bat ou X (10:00:13): its much easier to find a batman shirt than a ren and stimpy shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:00:22): but mines from the 80's Bat ou X (10:00:31): so?! Bat ou X (10:00:40): i needa go to a thrift store rebelgrrlmanda (10:00:40): !! big difference. Bat ou X (10:00:54): so i can find shirts from my childhood past Bat ou X (10:01:04): god if i found a fuckin donitello shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:01:07): haha rebelgrrlmanda (10:01:11): i found a fred penner shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:01:15): but i had no money left... Bat ou X (10:01:34): i'd freak the fuck out if i found a xl ninja turtle shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:01:41): haha Bat ou X (10:01:50): or like chip and dale rebelgrrlmanda (10:01:53): i can fit kids cloths now so its easyer to find cool shirts... Bat ou X (10:01:54): or darkwing duck rebelgrrlmanda (10:02:02): lol darkwing duck! i used to love that show. Bat ou X (10:02:10): i still do Bat ou X (10:02:12): god rebelgrrlmanda (10:02:15): i want a bump in the night shirt with mr. bumpy and squishington on it. Bat ou X (10:02:20): if i found any of those shirts Bat ou X (10:02:27): i'd freak out rebelgrrlmanda (10:02:29): yeah Bat ou X (10:02:58): or like bonkers or goof troop rebelgrrlmanda (10:03:03): lol rebelgrrlmanda (10:03:20): an old school smurf's shirt would rock... Bat ou X (10:03:32): or tom and jerry Bat ou X (10:03:35): woody wood pecker rebelgrrlmanda (10:03:36): yeah Bat ou X (10:03:37): chilly willy rebelgrrlmanda (10:03:48): barnsten bears. Bat ou X (10:03:58): or those 2 panguine brothers rebelgrrlmanda (10:04:05): haha Bat ou X (10:04:11): of pixie and dixie Bat ou X (10:04:16): erm or Bat ou X (10:04:18): or top cat rebelgrrlmanda (10:04:21): know what would rock? a mr hell show shirt with the seal on it. Bat ou X (10:04:28): mr hell? rebelgrrlmanda (10:04:38): youve never seen the mr hell show? rebelgrrlmanda (10:04:43): maybe its a canadian thing... Bat ou X (10:04:46): it must be a canadian show Bat ou X (10:04:47): yea rebelgrrlmanda (10:04:55): fuck, its soo funny. rebelgrrlmanda (10:05:00): its a poorly drawn cartoon. Bat ou X (10:05:06): cause we dont say hell here Bat ou X (10:05:08): we say heck rebelgrrlmanda (10:05:27): and theres a pshyco seal that kills everyone cause he thinks they killed his parents... rebelgrrlmanda (10:05:31): i want a shirt of that seal... rebelgrrlmanda (10:05:35): i could always make one though. Bat ou X (10:05:52): i wana make shirts Bat ou X (10:05:56): i'd make soo many rebelgrrlmanda (10:06:06): just get the special paper. rebelgrrlmanda (10:06:10): and shirts. Bat ou X (10:06:16): i'd need a good printer Bat ou X (10:06:23): ahha this radiohead song ownz rebelgrrlmanda (10:06:24): yeah that might help. Bat ou X (10:07:13): i want a freakazoid shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:07:22): lmao... he rocked. Bat ou X (10:07:31): or like a red shirt with the lightningbolt on it rebelgrrlmanda (10:07:42): i want a gumby one, but i cant find any good pics of gumby and pokey on the net. Bat ou X (10:07:54): i always hated gumby rebelgrrlmanda (10:07:59): i didnt. Bat ou X (10:08:07): ahha a peewee herman shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:08:10): lmao Bat ou X (10:08:13): or one of penny rebelgrrlmanda (10:08:19): you'd get smacked for wearing that though. Bat ou X (10:08:27): penny? Bat ou X (10:08:32): penny ownd all rebelgrrlmanda (10:09:37): an mc hammer shirt with the talkin shoes, now that would rock. Bat ou X (10:09:38): a megaman shirt would own Bat ou X (10:09:43): like oldscool megaman rebelgrrlmanda (10:09:55): lol, my friend chris has a mega man tattoo Bat ou X (10:09:56): before he turned all super Bat ou X (10:10:13): oo i want a metroid shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:10:35): care bears, with grumpy on it. Bat ou X (10:10:53): ducktails rebelgrrlmanda (10:10:55): haha yeah Bat ou X (10:11:00): ooo jetsons rebelgrrlmanda (10:11:04): flinstones! Bat ou X (10:11:05): with orbity Bat ou X (10:11:26): fantastic max rebelgrrlmanda (10:11:35): who? Bat ou X (10:11:39): omg Bat ou X (10:11:42): fantastic max rebelgrrlmanda (10:11:49): must be an american thing.. Bat ou X (10:11:50): about that little baby with the talking robot rebelgrrlmanda (10:11:57): no idea. Bat ou X (10:11:59): and they'd fly topacee Bat ou X (10:12:02): on a rockk rebelgrrlmanda (10:12:08): still no clue. rebelgrrlmanda (10:12:14): oooo !! thundercats. Bat ou X (10:12:32): you remember thundercats rebelgrrlmanda (10:12:34): yeah Bat ou X (10:12:36): but not fantastic max rebelgrrlmanda (10:12:40): yeah... Bat ou X (10:12:47): i was a saturday morning cartoon freak Bat ou X (10:12:53): but i dnt remember thundercats Bat ou X (10:12:58): oooo Voltron! rebelgrrlmanda (10:13:10): lol ok i got the best one now... old school hurcules, with the really really bad drawings, that show rocked. it was my fave when i was a kid... Bat ou X (10:13:38): CONAN THE ADVENNTURRERRR! rebelgrrlmanda (10:13:42): that too Bat ou X (10:13:51): omg Bat ou X (10:13:55): i want a conan shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:13:57): haha Bat ou X (10:14:00): with like all the cast rebelgrrlmanda (10:14:07): wonder woman Bat ou X (10:14:10): i remember being up at like 5am watching it Bat ou X (10:14:14): swatcats Bat ou X (10:14:18): even tho i didnt like that show rebelgrrlmanda (10:14:19): i remember that Bat ou X (10:14:24): ooo! Bat ou X (10:14:27): EEK THE CAT rebelgrrlmanda (10:14:30): !!! biker mice from mars, i still have one of there action figures. rebelgrrlmanda (10:14:34): MY PET MONSTER YO! Bat ou X (10:14:47): what was that other cartoon on eek Bat ou X (10:14:55): there was one with dinosaurs Bat ou X (10:14:57): and the alien Bat ou X (10:16:17): ooo! Bat ou X (10:16:20): MIGHTY MAX rebelgrrlmanda (10:16:33): POOPLES! rebelgrrlmanda (10:16:36): er poplese rebelgrrlmanda (10:16:39): er -e Bat ou X (10:16:58): STUNT DDAWWWGGSSSSS rebelgrrlmanda (10:17:22): SHINING TIME STATION!! lol i saw the movie for that the other day... Bat ou X (10:18:21): do you even remember the stunt dogs rebelgrrlmanda (10:18:26): i think so Bat ou X (10:19:25): pup names scooby doo Bat ou X (10:19:28): named rebelgrrlmanda (10:19:29): pink panther yo Bat ou X (10:19:34): YES! Bat ou X (10:20:02): zoobanafoo Bat ou X (10:20:05): or whatever rebelgrrlmanda (10:20:15): GUMMY BEARS Bat ou X (10:20:15): or was it zoobalezoo Bat ou X (10:20:16): iono Bat ou X (10:20:34): pound puppys! rebelgrrlmanda (10:20:44): !! yeah rebelgrrlmanda (10:20:48): and rainbow brite rebelgrrlmanda (10:21:25): ewoks! Bat ou X (10:21:45): i want a oldskool pacman shirt rebelgrrlmanda (10:21:51): TEDDY RUCKSPIN! so hah! Bat ou X (10:22:02): i remember that for some reason Bat ou X (10:22:06): was that the talking bear rebelgrrlmanda (10:22:09): lol that shows still on here Bat ou X (10:22:23): i never saw the show but i remember wanting it rebelgrrlmanda (10:22:29): haha Bat ou X (10:22:30): ooo! Bat ou X (10:22:34): MUPPER BABBIES! rebelgrrlmanda (10:22:37): YES! Bat ou X (10:22:40): erm babys rebelgrrlmanda (10:22:42): animal kicked ass Bat ou X (10:22:43): muppet Bat ou X (10:22:47): i know Bat ou X (10:22:53): GOOOO BYYEEE BYYEEEEEEEE rebelgrrlmanda (10:23:05): the smogies rebelgrrlmanda (10:23:09): that show rocked. Bat ou X (10:23:17): smogies? rebelgrrlmanda (10:23:21): you never saw that? rebelgrrlmanda (10:23:26): probly canadian again... Bat ou X (10:23:40): garfield and friends! rebelgrrlmanda (10:23:43): haha rebelgrrlmanda (10:23:46): thats still on. rebelgrrlmanda (10:24:06): iuno, i still say bump in the night was the coolest show they ever had in claymation... but the fuckers took it off the air. Bat ou X (10:24:08): charlie brown and snoopy! rebelgrrlmanda (10:24:20): woodstock rocked!! i want a tatoo of that bird... rebelgrrlmanda (10:24:23): er tattoo Bat ou X (10:24:34): that cartoon was the funniest shit rebelgrrlmanda (10:24:37): yeah Bat ou X (10:24:49): i remember snoopy turned charlie brown invisible rebelgrrlmanda (10:24:53): i dont. Bat ou X (10:25:19): i used to watch it when it came on disney Mood: amused Music: the get up kids - out of reach

	2001.06.19  00.49 50 fucking questions... *im bored* 1. I am happiest when: im with people i can trust. 2. I feel lonely when: im alone and my head is clouded with thoughts and memories. 3. The ideal relationship would be: *thinks* indiscribeable. 4. Favorite movie: the labyrinth, bio dome, and pet semetary 2 5. Favorite author: um... i dont read to often. 6. What makes you cry? Yelling mainly, but i cry over alot of dumb things. 7. Introvert or extrovert? iuno. 8. Do you think too much? doesnt everyone? all heads are full of thoughts... 9. If you could live anywhere in the world,where would it be? where my love is, if i had one. 10. A famous person you would like to meet: mike burkett (fat mike - nofx), davey havok (afi), uhm... alot ok! 11. Do you believe in organized religion? no 12. Pro-life or pro-choice? pro-choice. 13. Are you a vegetarian? between meals i am. 14. Do you support the death penalty? to some extent. 15. Do angels or demons exist? demons do... look at my sister. 16. What would you most like to be doing right now? sleeping... but no, i havent slept more then 4 hours in the past (almost) 3 days. 17. Do you have any regrets? alot. 18. Sex or love? love. 19. Favorite coffee: french vanilla capuchinoo 20. Brand of cigarettes: export A green (green death to some...) 21. Favorite scent: Marijuana 22. What really makes you mad? when people dont listen to my veiws and opinions. 23. Favorite way to waste time: my computer 24. If you won $50,000,000 what would you do with it? get all my friends (r/l and internet) together for the biggest fucking party ever. 25. Are you a thinker or a feeler? thinker. 26. What is your best quality? no idea... 27. Are you currently in love/lust? no... 28. What's the craziest thing you have ever done? hehe... im not telling. 29. What are your pet peeves? when people play with my keychains on my backpack. 30. Any bad habits? uhm... smoking could be one. 31. Do you find it hard to trust people? now i do. 32. Do you ever doubt yourself? all the time. 33. Last book you read: lord of the flies 34. Last thing you bought for yourself? thrift store cloths, a record and new collar. 33. Bath or shower? depends on the day. 34. Favorite season: the end of summer, begining of fall. 35. Porn or erotica? porn. 36. What is your favorite flavor? i dont really have one... 37. What is your favorite time of day? 11 pm to 2 am, in the summer anyways, thats when its dark. 38. Gold or silver? silver. 39. What is the lamest pickup line someone has used on you? "nice shitter" 40. Silk sheets or cotton? cotton 41. Any secret crushes? no, they usualy slip there way out. 42. Do you ever feel you are insane? all the time. 43. Favorite style of music: punk and the sub-genres of it. 44. Favorite film genere: horror and stoner-comedy 45. If you could be the opposite sex for one day,would you do? pee standing up. 46. What do you desire most in life? to find people who care for me the way i am and not constantly trying to change me. 47. Do you believe in destiny? sort of, but destiny can always be changed. 48. Is world peace attainable? if we didnt have so many racist assholes, yes. 49. City or country? Town. 50. Are you as bored as I am? Probly more... Mood: crushed Music: The Get Up Kids - Out Of Reach.

	2001.06.19  00.23 *sigh* Well, tomorrow im most likely leaving for kelowna to go visit my grandmother before she dies in the ICU of the kelowna hospital... If i go, i dont get to go to ozzfest... oh well, clayton gets to go now... atleast someone other then myself is happy from all the outcomes of this. I havent seen my grandmother since my grandfather passed away in january 2000... it would be nice to see her one last time, even though i know she'll look at me and say somthing like "your a fucking freak" or "where did your parents go wrong?" oh well. its my life, ill live it my way. If i go, and the worst happens and my grandma dies, i wont be back for atleast a week or two. School in the morning, YEAHHH its my last day. I get to make an ass of myself infront of my guitar class with my spunked up version of " i can see clearly now"... i rock, actualy i dont, it sounds ok, i just cant sing and play very well... Happy Birthday Sif. i wrote this in my journal because i most likely wont see you today on aim or palace before i leave... Time is no issue, Tears for a tissue, Endless days and lonly nights, Family only goes out to fight, I sit here thinking "why is it so?" "why does everyone have to go?" yeah... i just wrote a short irrelivant poem... nonsence, as usual in my poetry... I guess seeing as i did alot of house work for Ozzfest money im going to ask my parents to get my zine photo copied for me, that would be nice... i just need a cover and to finish the 2 things im working on and its ready. I hope they'll pay for it.... If life is supposed to be grand, Why is there alot of shit to deal with? -manda. Mood: crushed Music: The Get Up Kids - I'll Catch You

	2001.06.11  21.36 Day, night, its all the same to me. Today was bunk, needless to say. I got withdrawn from english class cause i was failing so horribly badly. I spent 4 and a half hours cleaning my room... but, it was worth it. Its now spotless and hopefully it stays clean till atleast blakes been and gone. Fuck i cant wait to see him... i just wanna give him a big hug and tell him how much ive missed him even though i talk to him alot. but if you think about it, talking isnt as great as seeing someone. Yearbooks came out at school today... i completely forgot to get one. but fuck it... i looked through geminies and there isnt one picture of me except my school one. i was like this is fucking bullshit. they didnt even put the pic of micha in drag in it. oh well, thats what you get for haveing conformists runing your school. I really have nothing else to type.... so yeah... babble about nothing as usual. Mood: content Music: live on release - im afraid of britney spears.

	2001.06.09  02.01 *insanly itching my head* my head is sooo fucking itchey with all these elastics in... im thinking about taking them out. im starting to get little bumps all over my head... i dont want adam to get mad at me for taking out his 7 hrs of work... my hairs only been like this for 6 days, but fuck... iuno its getting to the point where im about to say fuck it... any opinions? Mood: irritated Music: the get up kids - out of reach

	2001.06.01  14.55 lmao ARB55 (02:51:11): Who do you hang out with? rebelgrrlmanda (02:51:18): people ARB55 (02:51:26): Other punks? rebelgrrlmanda (02:51:32): some of them ARB55 (02:51:42): Do you have sex with them? rebelgrrlmanda (02:51:46): no ARB55 (02:51:54): Are you a virgin? rebelgrrlmanda (02:51:57): no ARB55 (02:52:51): Have you thougt about running away? rebelgrrlmanda (02:52:58): ive tryed it ARB55 (02:53:13): And failed? rebelgrrlmanda (02:53:20): yeah, my parents caught me ARB55 (02:53:29): Where were you hiding? rebelgrrlmanda (02:53:38): next town over ARB55 (02:53:47): Where do you live? rebelgrrlmanda (02:53:56): on earth ARB55 (02:54:30): Do you want me to help you or you want to be a smart ass? rebelgrrlmanda (02:54:42): i want to be a smart ass ARB55 (02:54:42): Answer my question and don't dick around. Mood: amused Music: the hollywood superstars - girls and boys

	2001.05.30  22.04 i suddenly feel worse... what the fuck is wrong with me... Music: a new found glory - hit or miss

	2001.05.30  21.53 i stayed home from school today... i was too sick to so much as move up until about 2 hrs ago... im starting to feel better. hopefully ill be cured by morning... i hate sneezing all the time... plus if im not better, i still have to go to school and johns after school to work on my armor... i need to get money from my mom to get some tape so i can get it done... hopefully it will be done by tomorrow... i hope... knowing my lazy ass it wont be, but i havent got much to finish. just another shoulder pad, reinforcing my chest/back plate, and padding my helmit and i should be fine... saturday... why cant you come sooner?? i wanna kill kloburn... and ben... ehe i cant wait to beat on kloburns team... today i spent my day infront of my television watching shit tv. there was nothing good on all day... so i slept on my couch. mom bought chubby chicken from a & w for dinner... it was soo gross. its worse then kfc. and our kfc is pretty bad... i know 4 people who have gotten food poisoning there in the past 2 months. i wish it would close down and stop infesting this little redneck town i call home. around june 22, my best friend blake is coming here to visit me. i cant wait to see him, i havent since november when he moved away... i know ill probly cry when he has to go again... but soon enough he'll be living only an hour away instead of 18. Mood: sick Music: dead kennedys - chickenshit conformist.